Vernon McIntyre

Democrats To Call For Same-Sex Marriage

For the first time ever, Democrats appear set to include marriage equality as an official plank in their platform when they meet this September in Charlotte, NC for their national convention. What do you think?

This is really going to hurt their standing with people who would never vote for a Democrat.


Fred Nguyen

Democrats To Call For Same-Sex Marriage

A spoiler alert would have been nice. I like to wait until the conventions to find out what each party's platform is.


Jan Krantz

Democrats To Call For Same-Sex Marriage

You can't stop progress! Until November, that is.


Jose Maddock

FDA Okays Ingestible Sensor

The Food and Drug Administration approved the use of an ingestible digital sensor that can be embedded inside a pill and swallowed, allowing doctors to remotely monitor a patient's heart rate, activity level, and other health indicators. What do you think?

This probably isn't going to work with me. I puke the second I think I'm swallowing any sort of digital sensor.


Gary Kazarian

FDA Okays Ingestible Sensor

I'm pretty open and honest with my doctors, but one thing I don't want them to know is my heart rate. That's private.


Eleanor Hankins

FDA Okays Ingestible Sensor

This is a huge step forward from the magic school buses full of children I had to swallow in the '90s.


Marjorie Speck

Human Culture Much Older Than Thought

Scientists recently discovered 44,000-year-old jewelry made from ostrich eggs and poison-tipped arrows in a South African cave, a finding that suggests modern human culture emerged more than 20,000 years earlier than previously believed. What do you think?

Well, I still say we don't look a day over 18,000 years old.


Jack Slyter

Human Culture Much Older Than Thought

To find that we've had 20,000 more years to develop culturally just means there's that much more to feel ashamed about.


William Sheedy

Human Culture Much Older Than Thought

Something definitely got lost over time, because my own poison-tipped arrows can't kill for shit.


Brad Denegal

Unemployment Rate Up

Despite the addition of 163,000 jobs in July, the U.S. unemployment rate rose slightly to 8.3 percent, suggesting the economic recovery remained weak. What do you think?

I can't wait to tell my grandchildren how horrible I had it.


Tasha Bilson

Unemployment Rate Up

It'd be nice to see us get back to those glory days of 8.1 percent.


Oliver Muscarella

Unemployment Rate Up

Maybe the Romney campaign should mention this somewhere.


Kirk Sanchez

Hotmail Rebranded Outlook.com

Microsoft recently announced that its 16-year-old online e-mail service Hotmail would be streamlined, closely integrated with social media, and renamed Outlook.com. What do you think?


Jane Grill

Hotmail Rebranded Outlook.com

I hope they finally got rid of that password nonsense. Who can remember such things? Just let me check my e-mail already!


Colby Ziesmer

Hotmail Rebranded Outlook.com

Normally I fall for lame re-branding attempts, so okay, sign me up.


Veronica Forchion

Mars Rover Lands Safely

The NASA rover Curiosity touched down safely on the Martian surface following a complex descent and landing procedure that scientists had dubbed the "seven minutes of terror."" What do you think?"

Yeah, if by 'safely' you mean it will never again return home to see the scientists who made it. Poor Mars rover.


Joey De Young

Mars Rover Lands Safely

Didn't we dissolve the space program? No? All right, let's collect some more dirt samples, I guess.


Paul Hesseman

Mars Rover Lands Safely

Wake me up when this leads to an invention like Velcro.


Cory Southwell

'Vertigo' Named Top Movie Of All Time

The 1958 Alfred Hitchcock thriller Vertigo was named the greatest movie of all time in the British Film Institute's annual ranking of the top 50 movies, ousting Orson Welles' 1941 classic Citizen Kane from the spot it had occupied for half a century. What do you think?

Hey, now that you mention it, it is objectively much better.


Farrah Roesch

'Vertigo' Named Top Movie Of All Time

Yeah, Citizen Kane came out more than 70 years ago. You've got to keep things fresh.


Oswaldo Fama

'Vertigo' Named Top Movie Of All Time

This would never have happened if Rosebud had turned out to be something awesome like a rocket-car or a dragon.


Cliff Adler

Clint Eastwood Endorses Romney

At a Republican fundraiser in Sun Valley, ID, famed actor and director Clint Eastwood provided a surprise endorsement of Mitt Romney, saying, "The country needs a boost."" What do you think?"

This might not be the best way to live my life, but I do whatever Clint Eastwood says, no questions asked.


Otto Whitaker

Clint Eastwood Endorses Romney

Any man who did two movies with an orangutan knows exactly what the nation wants.


Bonny Caqeulin

Clint Eastwood Endorses Romney

Maybe now Romney has a chance at that youth vote.


Howard Bartsch

Wikipedia Offline After Cables Cut

The popular user-generated encyclopedia Wikipedia went dark for roughly two hours yesterday after fiber optic cables from its Florida data center were severed. What do you think?

This is why I always back up everything on floppy disk.


Matt Strano

Wikipedia Offline After Cables Cut

Thank God IMDb wasn't down or I would've had nothing to prove my friends wrong with.


Iris Cramer

Wikipedia Offline After Cables Cut

I know. I was reduced to getting my unverified information from strangers who were physically near me. It was horrible.


Bo Sheng Li

'Hatecore' Music Used As Recruitment Tool

The revelation that Wisconsin shooter Wade Michael Page played in the hardcore punk white-power bands End Apathy and Definite Hate has increased the public's awareness of the so-called 'hatecore' style of music, which is used as a recruitment tool by white supremacist organizations. What do you think?

Maybe I'm old-fashioned, but I prefer the old racist soft jazz.


Cynthia Cutolo

One day I hope to live in a world where hardcore racist music isn't created to recruit white supremacists, but is instead played purely for the enjoyment of its listeners.


Ted Casperson

I can see why they would use this type of music—it's so catchy. There's this one song where the guy screams 'fuck, fuck, fuck!' 300 times in a row, and it's been stuck in my head all day.


Albie Sanger

Tucson Shooter Switches Plea To 'Guilty'

After more than a year of being forcibly medicated, Jared Loughner, who is charged with killing six people and wounding 13 others, including recently retired Rep. Gabrielle Giffords, switched his plea from not guilty to guilty yesterday. What do you think?

Oh, who even cares about him anymore? That was so many shootings ago.


Isabella Mechoso

First he says he's not guilty, and now he's saying he is guilty? I'm beginning to think there's something seriously wrong with this guy.


Raymond Acker

I'm going to refrain from expressing any opinions until I hear what Nancy Grace has to yell about this.


Bob Bronner

U.S. Cleaning Up Agent Orange In Vietnam

Thirty-seven years after the end of the Vietnam War, the United States will clean up an area in central Vietnam where Agent Orange was synthesized and stored, as seepage of the toxic defoliant into the groundwater has long been blamed by locals for cancer and birth defects. What do you think?

Can we really be sure what's causing all those problems with only 37 years of data?


Butch Luscombe

Come on, if we go around cleaning up every little mess we created in every little country we invaded how are we going to have time to do anything else?


Brigid Randolph

Graphic Anti-Smoking Ads Effective

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention reported that its recent anti-smoking ad campaign, which shows actual people who have suffered disease, paralysis, and amputations as a result of tobacco use, has been more successful than anticipated. What do you think?

I don't think it's fair that the anti-smoking people can show all of the horrible consequences of smoking, but the tobacco companies can no longer show how cool it makes you look.


Michael Calvino

Graphic Anti-Smoking Ads Effective

Big improvement over their last campaign, where they just concentrated on how good each cigarette tasted.


Robyn Pouch

Graphic Anti-Smoking Ads Effective

Oh my God, you've seen those too? My favorite is the woman who lost a bunch of her fingers! What's yours?


Luis Massalas

July Was Hottest Month Ever In U.S.

With an average temperature of 77.6 degrees throughout the contiguous United States, last month was officially the nation's hottest on record, breaking the previous all-time high set in July 1936 during the height of the Dust Bowl. What do you think?

Are we sure this isn't just part of the earth's natural cycle of heating up to unprecedented levels?


Debbie Silvestri

July Was Hottest Month Ever In U.S.

If we're able to keep shattering records like this, there's no telling what our society can achieve.


Chase Villard

July Was Hottest Month Ever In U.S.

Good, there's a massive polar ice cap blocking my driveway, and I can't wait until it melts.


Rusty Novotny

Colorado Shooter Being Evicted

Eviction proceedings were formally brought against accused Aurora, CO gunman James Holmes on Wednesday, with his landlord citing the tenant's murder of 12 theatergoers, damage to the premises, and rigging of multiple explosive devices in the apartment as violations of his lease. What do you think?

This is a pretty convenient excuse for his landlord to hold onto that security deposit.


Kerri Creber

Colorado Shooter Being Evicted

I'm with the landlord on this one, especially if he walked around making bombs all night with his shoes on. There's nothing worse than that.


Fritz Jacobson

Colorado Shooter Being Evicted


Arnie Goldblat

Stressed-Out Men Prefer Heavier Women

A new British study found that men placed in stressful situations tended to rate photographs of females with higher body mass indexes as more attractive than did stress-free men who were shown the same images. What do you think?

That's accurate. After a long day at work, I'll masturbate to just about anything.


Jill Tenvik

Stressed-Out Men Prefer Heavier Women

And everyone knows that women of all sizes prefer stressed-out, basket-case men, so it all works out.


Bruce Byrd

Stressed-Out Men Prefer Heavier Women

Wow. I had no idea how stressed my brother was.


Bill Muenker

Caravan Traveling U.S. To Oppose Drug War

Protesting the tens of thousands of deaths in Mexico resulting from the U.S. drug war, a group calling itself the Caravan for Peace with Justice and Dignity began a 20-city U.S. tour yesterday that will culminate in one month in Washington, D.C. What do you think?

I assume anyone traveling in a caravan is pretty pro-drugs.


Roddy Blancaflor

But the war on drugs was the war whose inefficacy we were best at concealing!


Regina Wilhoit

Yeah, well, they better not get in the way of my Free Mumia Convoy.


Lawrence Dalsgaard

Beyoncé Sings At U.N.

Last week, pop songstress Beyoncé met Secretary-General Ban Ki-moon and performed at the U.N.'s General Assembly Hall, filming a music video for the ballad I Was Here that will be released Sunday as part of World Humanitarian Day celebrations. What do you think?

Wow. I can't believe she got to meet Ban Ki-moon!


Linda Menges

Beyoncé Sings At U.N.

Finally, a serious solution to some real-world problems.


Naveen Sunderaju

Beyoncé Sings At U.N.

I thought she'd never make a comeback after she left Destiny's Child. Way to go, Beyoncé!


Mika Buchanan

Luxury Cars Fail Crash Test

Eight of 11 midsize luxury sedans failed to pass the Insurance Institute for Highway Safety's tough new front-end crash test, with four such automobiles, including the Mercedes C-Class and Lexus ES, scoring the lowest possible rating of poor. What do you think?

Yeah, but just think how impressed the EMTs will be.


Geoffrey Alstadter

Luxury Cars Fail Crash Test

Tests like this are silly. Did you know you're a million times more likely to die in a plane crash?


Christian Hobbs

Luxury Cars Fail Crash Test

Good to know. So what's the recommended angle at which I should crash my luxury sedan?


Cory Kontonickas

Presidential Debate To Have Female Moderator

Following a successful petition started by three teenage girls from New Jersey, CNN's chief political correspondent Candy Crowley has been chosen to moderate the Oct. 16 presidential debate, marking the first time in 20 years a woman has been selected for the task. What do you think?

And I thought this election couldn't get any sexier!


Liz Capra

I never thought I'd see the day when a woman would ask a couple of men a bunch of questions.


Richard Wolfert

All right, women can have this, but they should have to give back one of their other achievements.


Cynthia Locey

Lost Pyramids Found On Google Earth?

After scouring images from the global-mapping program Google Earth, blogger Angela Micol of North Carolina believes she may have found two previously unknown pyramid complexes in Egypt, though experts argue the structures may be little more than eroded hills. What do you think?

I think her work demands further investigation with Street View.


Benny Yang

Lost Pyramids Found On Google Earth?

That reminds me: I found a bunch of pyramids all up and down the Appalachians.


Ray Murata

Lost Pyramids Found On Google Earth?

That's funny, because just this morning I also found something on Google.


Judson Hallinan

Illegal Immigrants Apply To Stay In U.S.

Under an Obama administration policy that went into effect yesterday, an estimated 1.7 million immigrants 30 or younger who were brought to the United States illegally as children can now apply to remain in the country. What do you think?

I don't care what kind of official government paperwork they have, they're still illegal in my book.


Tony Burgard

That's just a disgrace to all their forebears who had the decency and fortitude to live in perpetual fear of arbitrary deportation.


Kaylan Winter

Dallas Declares State Of Emergency

With West Nile virus on the rise nationwide and Texas accounting for more than half of this year's deaths from the mosquito-borne disease, Dallas mayor Mike Rawlings has declared a state of emergency and ordered the aerial spraying of insecticide. What do you think?

I hope they remember to spray around people's ankles. That's where they get you.


Hernan Ejercito

Dallas Declares State Of Emergency

It's nice that Mayor Rawlings was able to keep his campaign promise of spraying chemicals over all his constituents.


Flo Katz

Dallas Declares State Of Emergency

Someone should call Africa and see how they fixed their West Nile problem.


Marguerite Sherwood

Pussy Riot Convicted

After making an anti-Putin music video and calling attention to Russia's crackdown on political dissent, three members of the punk band Pussy Riot have been found guilty of hooliganism and sentenced to two years in prison. What do you think?

How come I haven't heard a word of support out of fellow punk rockers Green Day about this?


Damien Schaum

Pussy Riot Convicted

Hopefully this harsh sentence will serve as a warning to youths who might otherwise have pursued a career in the arts.


Neil Pomers

Pussy Riot Convicted

If hooliganism is a crime, then lock me up. Hooliganism is a crime? I retract my statement.


Jenilee Fottrell

Mutant Butterflies Found Near Fukushima

Near the site of the 2011 nuclear accident in Fukushima, Japan, researchers have found severe mutations in the wings, antennae, legs, and eyes of pale grass blue butterflies, abnormalities likely caused by exposure to radiation. What do you think?

I hate it when things continue to have horrible consequences long after I've stopped paying attention.


Mateo Zulo

Mutant Butterflies Found Near Fukushima

Yeah, I know that all sounds cool, but if you think about it, it's actually kind of sad.


Mothra

Mutant Butterflies Found Near Fukushima


Wiley Medeiros

Wal-Mart's International Growth Falters

Admitting it had made mistakes and been over optimistic about its international prospects, Wal-Mart announced it would delay expansions in Mexico—where it faces bribery charges—as well as in China and Brazil. What do you think?

Ha! I knew they couldn't compete with the worker exploitation standards of the global market.


Theodore Monrovia

Wal-Mart's International Growth Falters

You'd think everyone in those countries would want to visit the stores, just to see what they've made sitting proudly on the shelf.


Dina DeMasi

Wal-Mart's International Growth Falters

Brazil seems way more like a Target country to me.


John Kazan

Congressman: Pregnancy Rarely Results From 'Legitimate Rape'

During an interview yesterday, Rep. Todd Akin (R-MO), who is currently locked in a heated Senate race, said that women rarely become pregnant in cases of "legitimate rape"" because ""the female body has ways to try to shut that whole thing down."" What do you think?"

I'm sure he's very sorry and what he meant to say was nothing at all.


Melinda Suchet

Oh, yeah, the shutting-it-down trick! How could billions of us all have forgotten that exists?


Don Langrick

When are women going to face the fact that they don't know their own bodies as well as men who have heard things?


Nick Platt

Apple Becomes Largest U.S. Company Ever

With $623.52 billion worth of shares outstanding at the close of trading yesterday, tech giant Apple became the largest American company of all-time as measured by the combined value of its stock, surpassing a mark set in late 1999 by Microsoft. What do you think?

They deserve it. They make wonderful stocks.


Bill Mancini

Apple Becomes Largest U.S. Company Ever

It's a shame Steve Jobs died before he got to see his company achieve success.


Jacqueline Ellis

Apple Becomes Largest U.S. Company Ever

You know what it is? It's all those products they sell.


Emmet Dillon

Cornell To Install Suicide-Prevention Nets

After 27 such suicides in two decades, Cornell University and the town of Ithaca, NY have agreed to install nets along the sides of five bridges to stop would-be jumpers from leaping to their deaths in the area's famed gorges. What do you think?

They might also want to change their town slogan to something other than 'Ithaca: You'll Never Be Good Enough.'


Margaret Ontiverous

Wouldn't it just be easier to make everything ground level?


Jacques Moscou

I imagine nets are probably more cost-effective than providing suicidal students with psychiatric care and medicine.


Allen Siguardsson

Hurricane Could Strike RNC

Tropical Storm Isaac, which is currently gaining strength in the Atlantic Ocean, is expected to become a hurricane in the next several days and could strike Florida on Monday, when the Republican National Convention opens in Tampa. What do you think?

They'll be fine so long as the mayor sends the city's sinners and sodomites up north to lure the storm's wrath.


Jane Campion

Hurricane Could Strike RNC

I wouldn't be surprised if this hurricane was just a plot concocted by the liberal mainstream meteorologists.


Lynda Platkowski

Hurricane Could Strike RNC

It's going to be a big moment when Mitt stares up at the sky in the driving rain, screaming, 'Nothing can stop me! Not even you, goddammit!'


Vern Wansley

Myanmar Ends Media Censorship

Transitioning to a more democratic system after nearly half a century of repressive military rule, Myanmar's government announced Monday that its Press Scrutiny and Registration Department would no longer censor the nation's private publications. What do you think?

Yeah, but where's the fun in it if you're not pissing off a junta?


Wallace Frankfather

Myanmar Ends Media Censorship

The censorship is why I stopped beginning my day with the Yangon Times.


Juleen Petite

Myanmar Ends Media Censorship

I hope they're prepared for all the shitty blogs people are going to start now.


U.S. Headed For 'Fiscal Cliff'

According to the Congressional Budget Office, if Republicans and Democrats don't resolve their budget stalemate by year's end, they may push the nation over a "fiscal cliff

with automatic spending cuts and tax increases causing a new recession and 2 million job losses in 2013. What do you think?"

Okay, that doesn't sound good. How much do we have in savings?


U.S. Headed For 'Fiscal Cliff'

I'd be more interested in this issue if you told me one specific party to blame.


U.S. Headed For 'Fiscal Cliff'

Wow, really? Just like Nostradamus predicted.


Everett Rosner

Michael J. Fox Returning To TV

Former Family Ties and Spin City star Michael J. Fox, who left television 12 years ago to focus on combating Parkinson's disease, will appear next fall in a loosely autobiographical sitcom in which he plays a New York father struggling with the same neurodegenerative disorder. What do you think?

He's dealt with his condition so well, I have a problem seeing him as a convincing Parkinson's patient. Frankly, I'm not sure he can pull it off.


Teresa Hester

Michael J. Fox Returning To TV

Ugh. I don't have a neurodegenerative disorder! When's someone finally gonna tell my story?


Giovanni Di Meo

Michael J. Fox Returning To TV

I don't know. After 12 years out of the game, do you think he's ready to handle the intricate plotting and multifaceted characterizations of today's sitcom landscape?


Saul Petzoldt

John Lennon's Murderer Denied Parole

For the seventh time in 12 years, Mark David Chapman, the man who shot John Lennon dead outside the music legend's New York City apartment building in 1980, was denied parole by the New York Department of Corrections. What do you think?

Gosh, those corrections officers must really have something against murderers.


Carrie Ramos

John Lennon's Murderer Denied Parole

I think if John Lennon were alive today, he'd say they should let Chapman go free. But that would mean he would never have been murdered in the first place, so you see how complicated it gets when you're dealing with time travel.


Curt Fey

John Lennon's Murderer Denied Parole

He'd be free by now if he'd taken out Ringo.


Clyde Saladow

Navy SEAL Pens Memoir Of Bin Laden Raid

A recently retired member of SEAL Team Six has written No Easy Day: The Firsthand Account Of The Mission That Killed Osama Bin Laden, a detailed book slated for a Sept. 11 release date. What do you think.

What a weird coincidence—9/11 also happened on Sept. 11.


Juliann Stitt

Navy SEAL Pens Memoir Of Bin Laden Raid


J.J. Kalles

Navy SEAL Pens Memoir Of Bin Laden Raid

C'mon. This is just some dude's attempt to cash in on something incredibly awesome he did.


Monica Newkirk

Red Vines Recalled Due To High Lead Content

The manufacturer of Red Vines Black Licorice Twists recalled 16-ounce packages of the popular candy after the California Department of Public Health found they contained more than twice the amount of lead considered acceptable for young children. What do you think?

No problem. I'll just have my kid break each one in half before eating them.


James Witt

I hope the company quickly returns to the high standards of complete shit that one usually associates with Red Vines.


Roz Belig

So you expect me to switch to Twizzlers? Fuck you.


Jessica Kosakura

Neil Armstrong Dies

Neil Armstrong, commander of the Apollo 11 mission and the first man to step foot on the moon, died Saturday following complications from heart surgery. He was 82. What do you think?

At least by the time he passed he died knowing he had helped the moon become one of the most recognizable objects in the world.


Frank Krzanowski

Neil Armstrong Dies

So somebody's knocking off men who've been on the moon. But why? Who benefits from it? Hmm.


Dennis Gawley

Neil Armstrong Dies

It's always sad when man dies. Sorry, I actually meant 'a' man.


John Amirante

Will.i.am To Debut New Song On Mars

With the help of NASA's Jet Propulsion Lab, Black Eyed Peas star will.i.am is set to debut his newest single, Reach For The Stars, on the Martian surface today at 4 p.m. EDT, playing the song through speakers on the Mars rover Curiosity. What do you think?

If anyone's going to love will.i.am's new song, it's rocks.


Michael Brutsche

Will.i.am To Debut New Song On Mars

Call me cynical, but this reeks of a publicity stunt.


Doris Chostner

Will.i.am To Debut New Song On Mars

It was nice of them to wait for Neil Armstrong to die before doing this.


Hume Riddle

NYPD Criticized For Shooting Amid Crowds

After wounding nine bystanders while killing a gunman outside the Empire State Building Friday and an earlier incident in which a knife-wielding man near Times Square was fatally shot, New York police face scrutiny over their protocol for opening fire in crowded locations. What do you think?

Gun, knife, dangerous suspect, innocent bystanders—at least the NYPD is egalitarian when it comes to using deadly force.


Tom Stolz

It's tough, but we've got to let the police do what they need to do until the streets are no longer plagued by people.


Jane Thorpe

I think the NYPD is doing a great job! Okay, he's gone. Whew, that was close. Those guys are scary as shit.


Thalia Urshan

Rodent-Borne Virus Kills 2 At Yosemite

With four visitors who stayed in cabins at Yosemite National Park this summer having contracted hantavirus, and two having died from the rodent-spread disease, park officials have contacted 1,700 recent guests to warn them they may be at risk. What do you think?

There you go, Teddy fucking Roosevelt and the national park system you just had to have. I hope you're happy.


Ronald Costitch

Rodent-Borne Virus Kills 2 At Yosemite

Lucky for me, I don't live in Yosemite National Park.


MacIntyre Berglund

Rodent-Borne Virus Kills 2 At Yosemite

Have they considered separate camping sites for humans and rodents?


Jose Angel Rosales

Pediatricians Tout Benefits Of Circumcision

After a major review of medical research, the American Academy of Pediatrics announced that the benefits of circumcising newborn males outweighed the risks, citing in particular circumcised men's lower risk of contracting sexually transmitted diseases. What do you think?

Look, I can't keep getting my foreskin sewn back on and then taken off again every time a new study comes out.


Wendy Batzdorff

Whatever this new-fangled thing is, if my son wants it, he can save up his allowance and pay for it himself.


James Landi

Of course the doctors recommend it. They're the ones who get to keep all the foreskins.


Shelly Downey

Piracy Down Sharply Off African Coast

Citing vigilant patrolling by international forces and heightened security by shippers, the U.S. Navy stated that so far this year pirates have carried out only nine successful attacks near the Horn of Africa, as compared with 34 in all of 2011 and 68 in 2010. What do you think?

Sounds like the perfect time to take all my possessions sailing around the Horn of Africa.


Joe Yamamoto

Piracy Down Sharply Off African Coast

Well, there goes the last interesting thing about the news.


Clay Segal

Piracy Down Sharply Off African Coast

Oh, man, now I really have no excuse not to attend my cousin's wedding in Mogadishu.


Howard Garcia Jr.

New Orleans Survives Hurricane

Seven years to the day after Hurricane Katrina made landfall, New Orleans managed to survive a battering from Hurricane Isaac yesterday, with its reinforced system of levees keeping the city largely dry and safe amid the Category 1 storm. What do you think?

It's reassuring to know that New Orleans is now equipped to handle a hurricane much less powerful than Katrina.


Elsie Kanew

New Orleans Survives Hurricane

I guess crippling poverty is going to have to do the work all by itself then.


Dick McQuarrie

New Orleans Survives Hurricane

Oh, yeah, well Sean Penn's heading down there anyway.


Kathleen Tinkley

Clint Eastwood Gives Bizarre Speech

Speaking nearly 12 minutes instead of his allotted five, Oscar-winning director and actor Clint Eastwood, 82, delivered unusual, rambling remarks at the Republican National Convention in which he pretended to talk with an invisible President Obama seated in an empty chair on stage. What do you think?


Gerald Moskowitz

Clint Eastwood Gives Bizarre Speech

When did the RNC start allowing old rich white guys to ramble nonsense on stage?


Marshall Wattles

Clint Eastwood Gives Bizarre Speech

I bet the empty chair bit went over better when he was practicing it alone in his hotel room.


Penny Moore

Lohan Banned From Hotel For $46,000 Unpaid Bill

Actress Lindsay Lohan has been banned from the chic Chateau Marmont hotel in Hollywood, where she lived during June and July, after failing to pay $46,350 in accommodations charges, room service, restaurant tabs, and cigarette and mini-bar fees. What do you think?

That's why my wife and I always make sure to use our AAA discount whenever we spend a few months living at the Chateau Marmont.


Charles Machione

The pay-per-view movies are where they get you.


Wes Pulido

What a cruel thing to do to the Chateau Marmont. They're still trying to dig themselves out of the financial hole left by F. Scott Fitzgerald.


Michelle Jensen

Airplane Bird Strikes On The Rise

A study from the Department of Transportation found that aircraft bird strikes in the U.S. have increased more than fivefold since 1990, with nearly 10,000 such instances last year alone. What do you think?

It may help if right before takeoff, the pilot yells 'Shoo!' or 'Git!'


Ruben Culp

Airplane Bird Strikes On The Rise


Miranda Velasco

Airplane Bird Strikes On The Rise

Ugh, I know. And then when we got to Phoenix, my bags weren't there!


Cynthia Zuckerman

Kids Swallowing More Small Batteries

A new CDC report found a surge in the number of children treated for ingesting the button batteries used in small devices like toys, watches, and hearing aids, with the nationwide figure rising from 1,900 in 1998 to 4,800 in 2010. What do you think?

That's why I tell my kids to chew their batteries thoroughly before swallowing them.


Tony Fitzgerald

Kids Swallowing More Small Batteries

Here's a little trick I like to use: Just cover all of your batteries in a little bit of Tabasco sauce.


Saad Ahmed

Kids Swallowing More Small Batteries

Teeny tiny little kids eating itsy-bitsy batteries? Aw, that's so cute I can't stand it!


Matthew Mast

5,000 Killed In Syria In August

Activist groups claimed that 5,000 Syrians were killed last month as the Assad regime stepped up its bloody crackdown on the nation's civilian uprising, marking the highest monthly death toll since the conflict began in March 2011. What do you think?

Man, Assad's getting really good at killing people.


Shaun Lipschultz

5,000 Killed In Syria In August

This seems like an awful lot of work just to keep being the president of Syria.


Mariah Nakatsuka

5,000 Killed In Syria In August

I know, right? This hot summer weather has really made people short-tempered.


Faizon Arad

Democratic National Convention Opens

The three-day Democratic National Convention kicks off today at the Time Warner Cable Arena in Charlotte, NC, with prime-time addresses from first lady Michelle Obama and San Antonio mayor Julián Castro, the event's keynote speaker. What do you think?

As a white voter, I'm not sure which prime-time speaker is supposed to appeal to me.


Kate Paskowitz

Democratic National Convention Opens

More politics? But we had politics last week.


Grant Safris

Democratic National Convention Opens

Wow. I can't believe they got the mayor of one of America's top 50 cities to speak.


Blossom Lukela

Scientists Able To Restore Sense Of Smell?

A study published in Nature Medicine found the sense of smell in mice could be restored by administering gene therapy via injections to the nose, a discovery that offers hope to humans with anosmia, or the inability to perceive scents. What do you think?

Imagine a patient being able to smell their family for the first time.


Frederick Natoli

Hopefully now no one will ever have to spend their life inside an iron nose again.


Jason Neely

Why bother? There are really only like five decent smells.


Kim Doering

McDonald's To Open Vegetarian Restaurants

The first two entirely vegetarian McDonald's restaurants are scheduled to open next year near Hindu and Sikh pilgrimage sites in northern India, offering items such as potato patties and vegetable-and-cheese pastries instead of traditional burgers. What do you think?


Sonny Durante

Does McDonald's know it doesn't have to have a restaurant everywhere?


Malcolm Whittington

I'm going to continue ordering off the Rupee Menu—half a French fry and one slice of lettuce to go, please.


Daryl Hoss

Organic Food No More Nutritious

A study by Stanford University researchers found that organic meats and produce did not possess more vitamins or nutrients than their conventional counterparts, casting doubts on the health benefits of organic foods. What do you think?

Personally, I'll keep shopping at Whole Foods. It's worth the extra cost to be able to wear my bicycle shorts without being mocked.


Chad Cowley

Organic Food No More Nutritious

That would mean this whole 'organic' trend has been yet another cynical marketing ploy, and that's just not a world I can live in.


Rochelle McEveety

Organic Food No More Nutritious

I think these scientists need to go back and check their figures. I paid $4 for this carrot.


Layne Crum

Obama's Speech Moved Indoors

Due to the likelihood of severe storms, President Obama's acceptance speech tonight at the Democratic National Convention has been moved from the 73,000-seat Bank of America Stadium to the 20,000-seat Time Warner Cable Arena. What do you think?

Remember, voters, this is yet another broken promise from Barack Obama.


Kai Mashimo

Obama's Speech Moved Indoors

I hope his prepared speech wasn't all about how great it was to be standing outside.


Todd Lopez

Obama's Speech Moved Indoors

You know who else liked being inside? Karl Marx.


Braden Stys

Elephant Poaching Up Dramatically

According to recent reports from advocacy groups, elephants in central Africa are being slaughtered at rates unseen since the 1980s, with ivory prices skyrocketing due to increased demand from emerging Asian nations, most notably China. What do you think?

I say it's the elephants' own damn fault, always flaunting their tusks, right there on their faces.


Daren Trisler

Elephant Poaching Up Dramatically

Yeah, if you're not a careful shopper, there's ivory in pretty much everything you buy.


Megan Hemperly

Elephant Poaching Up Dramatically

I think we need more safe places for elephants, like the circus.


Rico Chuba

One Direction Wins Big At VMAs

London-based boy band One Direction took home three MTV Video Music Awards last night, beating out Rihanna, Maroon 5, and Justin Bieber for best pop video with their chart-topping debut, What Makes You Beautiful. What do you think?

Looks like all those hours of songwriting finally paid off.


Bruce Essenfeld

One Direction Wins Big At VMAs

I wonder whether Americans are ready for British music.


Donna Bracewell

One Direction Wins Big At VMAs

Another, nearly identical band was robbed!


Marlon Coopwood

Chicago Teachers Go On Strike

Unable to reach an agreement with city officials on issues of job security, health benefits, and teacher evaluations, 26,000 employees of Chicago's public schools went on strike today, canceling classes for 400,000 students. What do you think?

But where will the kids go to shoot one another?


Fiona Zachary

Chicago Teachers Go On Strike

It's hard to feel sorry for these teachers when you see them driving around in their lavish Toyota Corollas, eating out of their fancy sack lunches.


William Fetzer

Chicago Teachers Go On Strike

That old cow should burn Chicago down again so the city can just start over.


Perry Vilela

Hang-Gliding Putin Leads Flock Of Birds

Piloting a motorized hang glider and wearing a costume designed to mimic a Siberian white crane, Russian president Vladimir Putin participated in a project to help train endangered migratory birds to fly to nesting grounds in Central Asia. What do you think?

That's great for the birds, but the people of Russia require Putin's gentle, guiding presence elsewhere.


Gavin McCuaig

Hang-Gliding Putin Leads Flock Of Birds

I'd hate to see what happened to the birds who wanted to fly north.


Mia LaPlante

Hang-Gliding Putin Leads Flock Of Birds

See, now how can those Pussy Riot girls stay mad at someone like that?


Claudio Muscarella

Sea Otters Fight Climate Change

Researchers at the University of California, Santa Cruz, found that kelp forests were able to absorb 12 times more carbon dioxide in the presence of sea otters, a result of the aquatic mammals preying on kelp-eating sea urchins. What do you think?

On top of their unflagging efforts to stem nuclear proliferation? Wow!


Nash Hurlbut

Sea Otters Fight Climate Change

Boy, this whole climate change theory just keeps getting sillier.


Claire Page

Sea Otters Fight Climate Change

You know what else? They hold hands when they sleep. I swear to God. They hold hands while they drift around floating on their backs, sleeping.


Val Donoho

China's Next Leader Vanishes

The Chinese government has failed to explain why Xi Jinping, widely presumed to be named the country's new president in a few weeks, has not been seen in public for the past 10 days, leading to widespread speculation over his whereabouts and health. What do you think?


Nelson Shipp

China's Next Leader Vanishes

Can't a guy hit Six Flags Wuhan for a few days without everyone getting on his case?


Kitty Kositchek

China's Next Leader Vanishes

No big deal. They can just have an election.


Graham Loveday

Mayor Of Trenton Arrested

Trenton, NJ mayor Tony Mack was arrested on corruption charges Monday following an FBI sting operation in which he allegedly accepted $119,000 in kickbacks for selling city land to parking garage developers for below its assessed value. What do you think?

You'd think a guy named 'Tony Mack' would be more trustworthy.


Lance Frisch

Mayor Of Trenton Arrested

I just hope that one day I can return to believing that parking garages are created through a perfect synergy of vision and integrity.


Grace Manousakis

Mayor Of Trenton Arrested

I think the government is going to have a very tough time proving in court that any Trenton land is undervalued.


Norma Nava

Anti-Islam Movie Incites Violence

The 14-minute trailer for an obscure low-budget movie that mocks the life of Muslim prophet Muhammad and was produced by an Israeli-American real estate developer last year has been blamed for yesterday's protest at the U.S. embassy in Egypt, as well as the attack on the U.S. consulate in Libya that killed four American diplomats. What do you think?

Great. Just when we were getting along so well with Libya.


Leonard Nicolaou

Anti-Islam Movie Incites Violence

If we as a country were all held responsible for every bad film made here, there would be a lot of blood on Michael Bay's hands.


Raul Mejias

Anti-Islam Movie Incites Violence

I hate movie trailers, too. It's like, 'Just start the movie, already!'


Ian Fung

New Monkey Discovered

Previously undocumented by science but known to locals as the lesula, a shy species of monkey with a hairless face and blond mane was discovered by zoologists in the remote lowland rainforests of the Democratic Republic of Congo. What do you think?

Before we get attached to this new species, are there any natural resources in its habitat we might want to exploit?


Maggie Noble

New Monkey Discovered

Just skip to the important details. How strong is its organ-grinding arm, and does it know its way around a pair of cymbals?


Rolf Hofschneider

New Monkey Discovered

Doesn't change a thing for me. My favorite primate with a hairless face and blond mane is still Pamela Anderson.


Beverly Charmatz

Katie Couric Talk Show Dominates Ratings

Katie Couric's new talk show, Katie, earned far higher ratings this week than the debuts of competing programs hosted by Ricki Lake, Jeff Probst, and Steve Harvey, becoming the most watched daytime premiere since Dr. Phil first aired 10 years ago. What do you think?

These numbers must be fake. There's no way she beat all three of those juggernauts.


Shane Nicastro

What kind of soulless television executives would even schedule competing programs against America's sweetheart?


Pierre Moriceau

That was a savvy move of hers to be an attractive, charismatic woman.


Phil Horvath

Explosion Seen On Jupiter

Earlier this week, two amateur astronomers witnessed and captured video of what appeared to be a 100-mile-wide fireball in the atmosphere of Jupiter, a phenomenon they believe was likely the result of a major meteor or comet impact. What do you think?

This just goes to show: If you stare at Jupiter long enough, something might happen.


Lynn Dacascos

Explosion Seen On Jupiter

Aw, other people saw that too? There goes my wish.


Stan Rhodes

Explosion Seen On Jupiter

I'm sorry. I'm way too stressed to think about Jupiter today. That planet is huge.


Jane Morrison

Kate Middleton Topless Photos Published

The British royal family is considering legal action after the French gossip magazine Closer published paparazzi photos of Kate Middleton, Duchess of Cambridge, sunbathing topless at a private villa in Provence. What do you think?

That's nothing. I know a website that has a ton of pictures of beautiful naked people in focus.


Toby Balk

Kate Middleton Topless Photos Published

Where can I download those photos, look at them once, shrug, and never care about them again?


Grady Thewlis

Kate Middleton Topless Photos Published


Gene Tanchauco

Panda Born At National Zoo

After five disappointing false pregnancies, Mei Xiang, the female panda at the National Zoo in Washington, D.C., gave birth to a four-ounce cub last night, stunning zoo officials. What do you think?

May mother and child enjoy many years of being gawked at in a cage.


Sage Ralston

Panda Born At National Zoo

I'll give a shit once the cub looks cute and furry and not like a wiggling piece of sausage.


Jayne Caefer

Panda Born At National Zoo

Did it sneeze? Don't bother me until it sneezes.


Rodney De La Rosa

USA Today Redesigned

Redesigned for the first time in its 30 years in print, USA Today, the nation's second-largest newspaper by circulation, now features more color, photos, and infographics, as well as a Your Say section with comments from Twitter and Facebook. What do you think?


Moon Hwa Yee

USA Today Redesigned

I'll check it out, but only if it features colors I've never seen anywhere before in my life.


Sophie Baer

USA Today Redesigned

Look, I don't have the time it takes to decipher all these 'graphics' and 'pictures.' Can't someone from the paper just call me up once a day and shout a word or two to let me know what's going on?


Kenneth Lietzke

Teen Sexting Linked To Having Sex

A study in the journal Pediatrics found that teens who sent sexually explicit texts or photos were seven times more likely to be sexually active, indicating they don't simply use sexting as an alterative to real sex, as earlier reports have suggested. What do you think?

Really? Typing sexual words on a phone isn't an alternative to rubbing genitals together? Are you sure about that?


John-Clay Zalkan

Teen Sexting Linked To Having Sex

Hmm. I've been texting sexually explicit photos for months now and still nothing. Am I doing it wrong?


Elena Monjaraz

Teen Sexting Linked To Having Sex

I don't trust this study. I don't even let my daughter have a cell phone, and yet she's a complete whore.


Dorian Halloran

Netanyahu: Iran 6 Months From Bomb

On Meet the Press Sunday, Israeli prime minister Benjamin Netanyahu said Iran would have nuclear weapons capability in six to seven months and urged Americans to elect a president who would draw a red line against Iranian nuclear ambitions. What do you think?

That's terrifying! We need to give more money to Israel to make things better.


Jaquita Barnoya

Netanyahu: Iran 6 Months From Bomb

This sounds like a complicated problem that only a president with courage and no diplomatic skills at all could solve.


Zack Orlando

Netanyahu: Iran 6 Months From Bomb

He's only saying that because he doesn't want to die in a nuclear explosion.


Rosalie Teves

Romney Aide: Campaign Light On Details

Ed Gillespie, a top adviser to Mitt Romney, admitted the campaign had thus far failed to provide enough details about policy proposals and said a concerted effort would be made to better communicate the Republican candidate's specific ideas and stances. What do you think?

That's sad. When you take something like the Romney campaign and try to analyze it, quantify it, or pin it down—that's when you destroy its beauty.


Mitch Giordano

Romney Aide: Campaign Light On Details

Romney better do that if he wants to have any hope of connecting with the huge detail-oriented policy wonk segment of the electorate.


Tommy Null

Romney Aide: Campaign Light On Details

Wait, so he hasn't shared the details of his policy proposals? So what have I been disagreeing with for the past three months?


Shari Wittle

French Magazine Runs Muhammad Cartoons

The Paris-based satirical weekly Charlie Hebdo published cartoons today that depict the Prophet Muhammad naked, drawing criticism from the French government, which has shut down embassies and schools in 20 countries as a precautionary measure. What do you think?

No way it could be half as offensive as the latest Marmaduke. I mean, is there anything that dog won't chew on?


Joseph Ronay

French Magazine Runs Muhammad Cartoons

I hope it's funny enough to cheer me up from all the deaths it'll cause.


Curtis Grasmere

French Magazine Runs Muhammad Cartoons

The more everyone says not to draw Muhammad, the more nervous I get that I'm going to doodle him by accident.


Dee Dee Shea

Obesity To Skyrocket By 2030

According to projections from health advocacy organizations, more than half the adult population in 39 states will be clinically obese by 2030, with Mississippi predicted to lead the nation with an obesity rate of 67 percent. What do you think?

So if I want to someday have sex with an American, I should do it now?


Roberta Altamura

Obesity To Skyrocket By 2030

Cool, look how ahead of my time I am. I'm already a fat fuck.


Don Rhodes

Obesity To Skyrocket By 2030

Ugh, and as if that weren't bad enough, imagine how old everyone will be by then.


Bernadette Fox

Anniversary Of 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell' Repeal

A year after the end of Don't Ask, Don't Tell, a new study shows that allowing homosexuals to serve openly in the armed forces has had no overall negative impact on military readiness, troop cohesion, or morale, as many detractors had predicted. What do you think?

Even if I was wrong about that, I'm definitely still right about every other way gay people shouldn't be equal.


Norman Caso

I don't know about that. My gay cousin's serving in Afghanistan, and his platoon's morale is low as shit.


Moses Endelman

Sure, but after all this time you'd think people would be a little more accepting of the 'Welcome Home, Homos!' sign I use to greet returning troops at the airport.


Quinn Orsatti

Amish Group Guilty Of Hate Crime

Sixteen members of a breakaway Amish group in Ohio face 10 years or more in prison after a religious dispute led them to enter the homes of fellow community members and forcibly cut their beards and hair. What do you think?

Aw, man, those jails are about to get the best butter.


Dennis Zavayna

Amish Group Guilty Of Hate Crime

I'd say to give them several years of hard labor, but knowing them, they'd probably love it.


Tad Brown

Amish Group Guilty Of Hate Crime

They can lock up my barber while they're at it. He took way too much off the top and practically destroyed my sideburns.


Alex Atchley

'Worrisome' Levels Of Arsenic In Rice

After testing more than 200 common rice products and finding significant and worrisome levels of inorganic arsenic, a toxin and known carcinogen, in nearly every item, Consumer Reports has urged Americans to curb their rice consumption. What do you think?

Well, 'worrisome' is a relative term, just like 'significant' and 'arsenic.'


Lori Finnegan

'Worrisome' Levels Of Arsenic In Rice

That's why my wife and I only ingest locally grown, organic arsenic.


Kevin Hanna

'Worrisome' Levels Of Arsenic In Rice

People complain so much in this country. I'm sure there are plenty of starving children in Africa who would love to eat a bowl of arsenic.


Miles Corkery

Man With 'Popcorn Lung' Awarded $7 Million

A jury awarded $7.2 million in damages to a man diagnosed with Popcorn Lung, a respiratory disease he may have developed from inhaling a chemical in artificial butter flavoring during a decade in which he ate two bags of microwave popcorn a day. What do you think?


Randy McGlone

Did he mention what brand it was? If he was eating that much, it must be pretty good popcorn.


Marilyn Cheshire

He should have read the warning about keeping the product well away from one's nose and mouth.


Calvin Walsh

Voter ID Laws May Bar 10 Million Latinos

State laws that restrict voting, including measures that require photo ID or proof of citizenship at the polls, could prevent as many as 10 million Hispanic citizens of the United States from casting a ballot this election, according to a study by civil rights advocates. What do you think?

I don't get it. Who would benefit from this?


Andrea Lieberman

It's a lot of pressure, but as a white voter it looks like this election is once again up to me.


Jeremy Spalding

I can't wait to see this moment on a timeline in a future civil rights museum.


Vicki Scollard

Obama Tough On Iran At U.N.

Taking a break from the campaign trail, President Barack Obama delivered an address to the United Nations General Assembly this morning in which he stated that time was running out to curb Iran's nuclear program through diplomacy. What do you think?

Sometimes I wish Iran would just get nukes so we could talk about something else.


Lee Capizzi

Obama Tough On Iran At U.N.

We should just teach Iran to make nuclear weapons, but teach them wrong so when they launch one, it's just a giant stink bomb.


Nathan Negrete

Obama Tough On Iran At U.N.

Actually, it doesn't sound like he took a break from campaigning at all.


Alexander Zelenev

Life Spans Fall For Low-Educated Whites

While the lives of the nation's most highly educated have lengthened, the life expectancy for white Americans without a high school diploma has, since 1990, dropped by five years for women and three years for men, to 73.5 and 67.5 respectively. What do you think?


Hannah Wheeler

Life Spans Fall For Low-Educated Whites

Maybe they live just as long as everyone else, but they can't count the years.


Carter Oswald

Life Spans Fall For Low-Educated Whites

How much education do you need to not die?


Camilla Machado

Pediatricians: Stop Using Trampolines

Citing 98,000 trampoline-related injuries in the U.S. in 2009, the American Academy of Pediatrics published a statement in the journal Pediatrics that strongly discouraged children's use of trampolines. What do you think?

Sounds like these doctors just want more trampoline time for themselves.


Eric DeAngelis

Pediatricians: Stop Using Trampolines

I'm sorry, but the pure, unadulterated joy on my daughter's face as she floats carelessly through the air is worth any ensuing snapped bones or paralysis.


Maury Maas

Pediatricians: Stop Using Trampolines

Oh, come on. Most of those injuries weren't caused by trampolines—they were caused by the ground.


Ian Bialek

Madonna Endorses 'Black Muslim' Obama

During a concert in Washington, D.C. Monday, pop singer Madonna urged the crowd to support President Barack Obama, whom she referred to as a black Muslim in the White House amid an impassioned, profanity-laced political speech. What do you think?

Doesn't she realize how much media attention comments like this draw to her?


Ernie Ingram

Madonna Endorses 'Black Muslim' Obama

Did she happen to mention who she likes for Indiana attorney general? I'm still on the fence.


Annabelle McCurdy

Madonna Endorses 'Black Muslim' Obama

Well, I just hope everyone still enjoyed themselves at her concert and felt like they got their money's worth.


Cliff Pfister

New Chemical Element Created

After years of efforts, Japanese scientists claim to have finally synthesized element 113 on the periodic table, and if their findings are verified, it will mark the first time an Asian research team has had the honor of bestowing an official name on a new element. What do you think?

Jeez. How many elements are scientists going to have before they're happy?


Melanie Putynowski

New Chemical Element Created

But we still haven't figured out what to do with copernicium.


Brianna Fowler

New Chemical Element Created

I bet they'll give it an Asian name then give it another Caucasian name, like Albert or Cindy.


Mario Santoro

Castrated Men May Live Longer

An analysis of Korean imperial court records dating from the 1300s to the early 1900s, found that eunuchs lived 14 to 19 years longer than other men, suggesting that male sex hormones may lower the average man's life span. What do you think?

This is great news. Will castration be covered under Obamacare?


Lyle DeCrescent

Castrated Men May Live Longer

I'm sure if the researchers keep digging into it, they'll discover some downside to castration, too.


Boone Stone

Castrated Men May Live Longer

Wow! Imagine being able to spend an extra 14 to 19 years wanting your balls back.


Suzanne Sudow

California Legalizes Self-Driving Cars

Following heavy lobbying pressure from Google, which has already developed its own fleet of self-driving vehicles, California became the third state in the nation to legalize the use of driverless cars on its roadways. What do you think?

I'm too excited about the next big step: the passengerless car.


Jose Naveira

California Legalizes Self-Driving Cars

Alright, I'll sit in the passenger seat and let that damn thing drive. But I'm going to be good and hammered.


E. J. Wimberly

California Legalizes Self-Driving Cars

No matter what, even a robot car has gotta be a better driver than my wife! She recently died in a car accident.


Carmen Eklund

Voting Begins In Iowa

More than a month before Election Day, residents of key swing state Iowa began casting their ballots at designated polling locations yesterday as part of the state's early voting process. What do you think?

I don't vote early because I like to make the candidates sweat.


Scott Ram

Voting Begins In Iowa

But how can those people make a decision without knowing whether the candidates thank the moderators at the upcoming debates?


Orville Marchant

Voting Begins In Iowa

I'd still wait. What if the candidate who shares all your values and policy views accidentally says something that sounds inappropriate when taken out of context?


Fred Tager

Poor Diet May Cause Alzheimer's

A growing body of research suggests that an unhealthy diet reduces the natural level of insulin in the brain, which, in turn, may cause the neurodegenerative disease Alzheimer's, prompting some doctors to begin referring to the condition as type 3 diabetes. What do you think?

Permanently forgetting your problems through binge eating? I can't imagine a more desirable process.


Liz Martorano

Poor Diet May Cause Alzheimer's

That makes sense. I've eaten four packages of hot dogs this week, and I feel like I'm losing my mind.


Clement Valcarce

Poor Diet May Cause Alzheimer's

Let the search for type 4 diabetes commence!


Lisa Jarvis

Justin Bieber Vomits On Stage

In Glendale, AZ for the first show of his new Believe Tour, 18-year-old pop superstar Justin Bieber vomited on stage, but then went on to finish his set, later attributing his illness to drinking milk. What do you think?

He's so hardcore, though, he probably went backstage after the concert and chugged another quart of 1 percent.


Cal Prendergast

Justin Bieber Vomits On Stage

Yeah, but it was during the song 'Girl, I Barf 4 U,' so I think it was part of the act.


Daisuke Yoshida

Justin Bieber Vomits On Stage

Cool. I hear his live vomit is way better than his studio vomit.


Craig Singer-Watts

Hugo Chávez Endorses Obama

Calling Barack Obama a good guy, Venezuelan president Hugo Chávez said on state television Sunday that if he were American he would vote for the incumbent Democrat, and that he is sure if Obama were from Caracas, he would vote for Chávez. What do you think?

That's pretty compelling, but I still want to hear what Bashar al-Assad has to say before I fully commit to Obama.


Audra Castro

Hugo Chávez Endorses Obama

Wait, who did Hugo Chávez say to vote for again? Let me write this down.


Ed Beams

Hugo Chávez Endorses Obama


Kareem Johnson

$2 Million In Gold, Gems Stolen From Museum

Breaking into the California State Mining and Mineral Museum on Friday, thieves armed with pickaxes made off with $2 million worth of gold and jewels, but failed to crack a safe containing a famous 14-pound hunk of gold known as the Fricot Nugget. What do you think?

Thank goodness. My kids really have their hearts set on seeing that Fricot Nugget.


Carla Kleinberg

It'll be easy to find them. All police need to do is watch for any new mineral museums that pop up suspiciously fast.


David Sands

Wish I'd got the alert earlier—I saw two guys with pickaxes and sacks of gold at Del Taco but didn't think anything of it at the time.


Eloise Stefani

Teen Drinking And Driving Down Sharply

According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, teen drinking and driving rates have decreased by more than half over the past 20 years, with 10.3 percent admitting to doing so in 2011, as compared with 22.3 percent in 1991. What do you think?

Teens today are so lame. In my day, you weren't considered cool unless you died in at least one drunk-driving accident.


James Gershman

Teen Drinking And Driving Down Sharply

This statistic proves what I've been saying for a long time: The class of '91 parties harder than all those fucking nerds.


Alvin Finn

Teen Drinking And Driving Down Sharply

But they're still texting naked pics of themselves, right? I just wanted to be sure.


Frankie Hagans

Seth MacFarlane To Host Oscars

Family Guy creator Seth MacFarlane, who wrote, directed, and starred in the movie Ted this past summer, has been chosen to host the 85th Academy Awards in February. What do you think?

Great! I hope he does his funny voices for four hours.


Brenda Scarano

Seth MacFarlane To Host Oscars

Anytime the Oscars try to go young and hip, you know what inevitably happens: The show manages to somehow just get cooler.


Willie Swan

Seth MacFarlane To Host Oscars

Seth MacFarlane hosting the Oscars? This will be a bigger disaster than the time Luke Skywalker and Chef Boyardee had to give Alf a sponge bath!


Christophe Engstrom

2,400 Millionaires Collected Jobless Benefits In 2009

An analysis by the Congressional Research Service found that 2,362 individuals who received government unemployment benefits in 2009 lived in households with annual incomes of at least a million dollars. What do you think?

It's sadly necessary sometimes when you want to buy items that are, like, a million and twenty dollars.


Ramon Pedraza

Nice try, but I only have the ability to shake my shaming-fist in the direction of poor people.


JoMarie Rossi

Millionaires are definitely the biggest dicks in the unemployment line.


Martin Goris

Facebook Reaches 1 Billion Users

The 8-year-old social networking site Facebook now has 1 billion active monthly users, with roughly one of every seven people in the world holding an account, according to CEO Mark Zuckerberg. What do you think?

I'd be worried about having the personal information of so many people in one system if I didn't completely trust Facebook's latest privacy policy.


Donald Hickox

Facebook Reaches 1 Billion Users

Things always get more popular once there's a movie.


Ava Westcott

Facebook Reaches 1 Billion Users

Are you telling me 6 billion people don't use Facebook? What am I doing on there? Am I some sort of freak?


Del Fries

Record Number Of Gay Characters On TV

A record 4.4 percent of all scripted TV characters on the five major networks are either gay, bisexual, or transgender this season, with a total of 111 LGBT characters across all channels, according to the Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation. What do you think?

Wow, I've got to be honest: That's far lower than the number I've been shouting in my church.


Sterling Weitzner

Record Number Of Gay Characters On TV

And exactly how many straight characters are there on TV? Nobody knows, because the media doesn't care about straight people.


Hazel Shepard

Record Number Of Gay Characters On TV

One day, hopefully, we won't even notice their sexuality, and they'll just become the same under-realized, hackneyed characters we barely acknowledge and completely forget about as soon as the episode ends.


Jack McCulley

Vast Field Of Marijuana Found In Chicago

Officers in a police helicopter discovered a marijuana plantation on Chicago's South Side that is the size of two football fields, containing more than 1,500 large plants and worth an estimated $7 million to $10 million. What do you think?

Oh, didn't they see it earlier when it was on Buzzfeed's top 20 marijuana plantations visible on Google Maps?


Theadora Melnick

Are they sure it's not oregano? One time I bought a field of marijuana from a guy, and when I got it home, it was just a vast field of oregano.


Mark Edelman

Who would have thought to commit a crime in Chicago?


Shelley Leach

Ann Romney To Guest Host 'Good Morning America'

Ann Romney, the wife of Republican presidential nominee Mitt Romney, will serve as a guest host of Good Morning America Wednesday alongside George Stephanopoulos. What do you think?

This seems like another cynical attempt to milk the unstoppable Romney ratings machine.


Giovanni Soriano

I hope she remembers to plug her husband's campaign.


Bryan Beacham

Big deal. Michelle Obama gets to live in the White House.


Vicente Alvarez

Hugo Chávez Wins Third Term

Socialist Venezuelan president Hugo Chávez, who has served for nearly 14 years, was elected to his third six-year term Sunday with 54 percent of the vote, beating out former provincial governor Henrique Capriles Radonski. What do you think?

Oh, no, not another six years of Chávez bringing America to its knees!


Redmond Philpott

Hugo Chávez Wins Third Term

The Venezuelan people are going to be upset when they learn he's a socialist.


Myra Greenaway

Hugo Chávez Wins Third Term

I wouldn't want to be on Capriles' campaign staff right about now. Or Chávez's. What I'm saying is that I hate Venezuela and wouldn't want to have a job that would require me to live there.


Patsy Collingwood

Man To Skydive From Edge Of Space

With sponsorship from energy-drink maker Red Bull, Austrian daredevil Felix Baumgartner will ride a helium balloon to the edge of outer space and skydive from a record height of 23 miles, provided weather conditions allow. What do you think?

That Red Bull should help him stay awake during that super boring fall.


Craig Westerby

Man To Skydive From Edge Of Space

He's just doing it for the attention; nobody give it to him.


Bernard Henson

Man To Skydive From Edge Of Space

It's just like Red Bull's slogan: 'Red Bull will fucking kill you.'


Martin Purvis

105 Meningitis Cases Tied To Tainted Drugs

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention has confirmed eight deaths from 105 total cases of meningitis in nine states, all stemming from contaminated vials of steroid painkillers distributed by the same Massachusetts company. What do you think?

If only the drug companies weren't so oppressively regulated, they might be able to afford anti-contamination technologies.


Bunny Cottrell

Nothing good ever came out of Massachusetts in a vial. Except that genuine Michael Dukakis sweat on eBay. Man, I wish I could afford that.


Jean-Pierre Soto

Wow, I didn't know steroids were a form of vaccines or that meningitis was a form of autism!


Marcel Booth

Protestants Not Majority In U.S. For First Time

According to a new study, the share of Americans identifying as Protestant is less than 50 percent for the first time on record, having fallen from more than two-thirds of the population just 40 years ago. What do you think?

It's devastating to think that this correlates with a rise in people identifying as 'spiritual.'


Polly Denaro

It just goes to show you, give us Catholics 500 years and we'll get the job done.


Graham Symonds

Well, shit, there go our chances for a Protestant president.


Colleen Kenworthy

Danny DeVito, Rhea Perlman Separate

Danny DeVito, the 67-year-old actor and producer known for his roles on Taxi and It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia, and actress Rhea Perlman, 64, who famously portrayed Carla Tortelli on Cheers, have separated after 30 years of marriage. What do you think?

I bet it was that home-wrecker Angelina Jolie's fault again.


Marcus Ackland

Danny DeVito, Rhea Perlman Separate

No need to pinch yourselves—you heard right, ladies.


Harvey Snow

Danny DeVito, Rhea Perlman Separate


Steven Bradpiece

'Peanuts' Movie In The Works

Twentieth Century Fox announced it will begin production on an animated movie of the iconic comic strip Peanuts and gave a targeted release date of November 2015, which coincides with the cartoon's 65th anniversary. What do you think?

Good call. Kids love defunct comic strips.


Ellis Nuth

'Peanuts' Movie In The Works

Anyone against this project will be swayed by Linus' heartfelt soliloquy on uplifting movie adaptations.


Betty Fong

'Peanuts' Movie In The Works

Can you tell them to wait? I have like 15,000 panels left to read before I get all caught up.


Lloyd Allman

Supreme Court Hears Affirmative Action Case

The U.S. Supreme Court heard oral arguments yesterday in Fisher v. The University of Texas, a case in which 22-year-old Abigail Fisher claimed she had been unfairly denied admission to the school because she was white. What do you think?

This is a terrible policy. Because of it, campuses across the country are missing out on the rich and vibrant culture that whites bring.


Maurice Fazakas

This generation is never going to learn anything about real hardship if it's allowed to just take all its problems to the Supreme Court.


Janice Krzanowski

I'm glad white people have finally been able to use the courts to their advantage.


Tim Body

Defense Secretary Warns Of Cyber Terrorism

Warning that Internet worms and malware could devastate the U.S. power grid, transportation network, and financial system, Defense Secretary Leon Panetta urged the nation to invest heavily in cyber security to avoid an electronic Pearl Harbor. What do you think?

Oh, boy. I'll start being more vigilant when I'm fucking around on the Internet.


Dixie Dudman

Have we been changing our passwords? You're supposed to do that.


Roy Krepala

This seems like a good way to spend all that government money that's been lying around.


Henrietta Worrall-Jacobson

Toyota Issues Its Largest-Ever Recall

Toyota has recalled 7.4 million automobiles worldwide, including 2.5 million in the United States, amid reports that a malfunctioning power-window switch had been linked to more than 160 instances of fire and smoke emanating from car doors. What do you think?

Lucky. When will somebody recall my 1998 Crown Victoria? It's a piece of shit.


Derek Monzani

Toyota Issues Its Largest-Ever Recall

Unbelievable. You'd think people would just be thankful that Toyota went out of its way to make cars for them, but instead there's all this ungracious nitpicking.


Kiran Schubert

Toyota Issues Its Largest-Ever Recall

Whoa, cool! Where can I pick up one of these smokin' hot new cars?


Perry Summer

Planet Made Of Diamond Discovered

Using data from NASA's Spitzer Space Telescope, astronomers have learned that 55 Cancri e, a planet eight times as massive as Earth and just 40 light years away, is composed largely of pure diamond. What do you think?

We're so lame. All we have here is a bunch of dumb water and resources.


June Shah

Planet Made Of Diamond Discovered

It must be pretty satisfying for astronomers to say whatever crazy shit they can think of knowing that no one will ever be able to check up on it.


Paul Lehel

Planet Made Of Diamond Discovered

Oh, no. This is going to make my fiancée's ring look even smaller.


Phoebe Willenson

European Union Wins Nobel Peace Prize

Still suffering from an economic crisis that has stirred social unrest and threatened to tear apart the eurozone, the 27-state European Union received this year's Nobel Peace Prize in recognition of its contributions to democracy, peace, and human rights. What do you think?

Congrats to Europe on their almost two decades without ethnic cleansings.


Rik Radclyffe

European Union Wins Nobel Peace Prize


Clark Adamsick

European Union Wins Nobel Peace Prize

Better luck next time, actual people who did actual things.


Peter Polkes

Robotic Suit Could Help Paraplegics Walk

According to its NASA creators, a 57-pound robotic exoskeleton developed to keep astronauts fit on a possible future mission to Mars could also be used on Earth to give paraplegics the ability to walk again by assisting movements and keeping the wearer stable. What do you think?

Wait, what about normal guys like me? Do I still have to use my stupid old legs?


Cheryl O'Shea

It's amazing to think that, with all these advances in technology, soon every paraplegic will be able to crush any able-bodied person.


Paul Hinselwood

Sorry, quadriplegics. Your lives will still be very difficult.


Rod Graf

Ross Perot Endorses Romney

Saying the nation can't afford a second term under President Obama, 82-year-old Texas billionaire H. Ross Perot, who unsuccessfully ran for president in 1992 and 1996, endorsed Mitt Romney in a Des Moines Register op-ed Tuesday. What do you think?

It's always inspiring to see a billionaire with enough courage to stand up for a simple, humble multimillionaire.


Bridget Fingleton

Ross Perot Endorses Romney


Andrei Belohovek

Ross Perot Endorses Romney

Yeah, but did you read that other op-ed below his, about the new stoplights on Jefferson and Main Street!?


A.J. Ahi

Earthquake Rattles New England

A rare 4.0 earthquake centered in Maine shook much of New England, including the Boston metro area, for several seconds yesterday evening, though no reports of damage were recorded. What do you think?


Richard Masoner

Earthquake Rattles New England

I bet those eggheads at MIT were crying out 'Oh, no, we know exactly what's happening,' like a bunch of scared idiots.


Tamara Furia

Earthquake Rattles New England

With all that's been going on in the world, I wouldn't be surprised if this was just God's way of telling us there is some slight geological instability in the earth's crust in that particular region.


Colin Lancaster

Scotland May Secede From U.K. In 2014

Scottish nationalist leaders and British Prime Minister David Cameron have agreed to terms on an independence referendum that will allow the people of Scotland to vote in 2014 on whether to end their 305-year union with England. What do you think?

Watch out, Scotland. We did the same thing, and look how that turned out.


Carlos Majica

Scotland May Secede From U.K. In 2014

It's a shame that their shared history of terrible food and off-putting physical appearances wasn't enough to keep them together.


Lynn Eichens

Scotland May Secede From U.K. In 2014

But without Scotland, how will the U.K. solve its most serious crimes? Or wrap its eggs in sausage and deep-fry them?


Norine Kutchaver

Man Arrested In Federal Reserve Bomb Plot

A 21-year-old Bangladeshi man who allegedly claimed ties to al-Qaeda has been accused of attempting to blow up the Federal Reserve Bank in Lower Manhattan with a van full of inoperable explosives supplied to him by undercover agents. What do you think?

Yeah, I did a lot of stupid stuff like that when I was 21, too.


Stuart Krogman

How cute would it be if the guy, right as he tried to detonate it, put his fingers in his ears in preparation for this big loud boom he thought was coming?


Clarissa LaViolette

Americans' Cholesterol Levels Fall

A new study has found that despite an increase in obesity, Americans have seen their cholesterol levels fall significantly since the late 1980s, possibly as a result of eating fewer trans fats and taking drugs such as Lipitor. What do you think?

Hey, we're only outwardly disgusting now. That's a start.


Daniel Zietlow

Americans' Cholesterol Levels Fall

While that's encouraging news for the millions of people currently struggling with obesity in this country, it really sucks for those of us who like to tell them they're all going to die soon.


Marty Corrigan

Americans' Cholesterol Levels Fall

Sounds like a certain nation has a little room for dessert then!


Grover Anderson

Bloomberg Forms Super PAC

Billionaire New York City mayor Michael Bloomberg is using his own money to form a super PAC that will run ads for congressional, state, and local candidates from both parties who support gay marriage, tighter gun laws, and school reform. What do you think?

But someone injecting that much personal wealth into the political process could undermine the integrity of our super-PAC system.


Wayne Glass

Bloomberg Forms Super PAC

Oh, sure, just throw money at the problem. That's real effective when it comes to influencing policy.


Sydney Delesha

Bloomberg Forms Super PAC

He really couldn't think of anything more fun to do with all that money?


Troy Hartung

Boy Scouts Release Sex-Abuse Documents

The Boy Scouts of America released 14,500 pages of so-called perversion files, which include details of child molestation at the hands of scoutmasters between 1959 and 1985, and reveal that more than a third of such instances were not reported to police. What do you think?

They should have named the file something else, like 'Boring Work Stuff.'


Dane Czulewicz

Boy Scouts Release Sex-Abuse Documents

Fortunately, I was lucky enough to grow up with a scoutmaster who was very open about his molestation habits.


Margaret Waxman

Boy Scouts Release Sex-Abuse Documents

At least those Boy Scouts were protected from the presence of gay people.


Steve Timoney

Romney Blimp Makes Emergency Landing

While flying over Boca Raton, FL yesterday ahead of the final presidential debate, a blimp bearing the likeness of the Republican presidential nominee and the phrase America Needs Romney was forced by high winds to make an emergency landing. What do you think?


Madeline Kramer

Romney Blimp Makes Emergency Landing

What a shame. That probably could have helped him lock up the impressed-by-blimps demographic.


Rob Weets

Romney Blimp Makes Emergency Landing

I think Romney will still get a lot of traction from that penny-farthing tour he's on, at least.


Pam Troop

Government Offers $50,000 To Stop Robocalls

Citing thousands of monthly complaints about robocalls, the Federal Trade Commission has offered a $50,000 award to anyone who devises a technology to block illegal automated telemarketing calls while leaving legitimate calls unaffected. What do you think?

I don't think the FTC has thought this through. Do they even realize how many jobs this would cost the scamming industry?


Ky Wood

I don't want to brag, but our government must be doing pretty well if it's suddenly throwing around $50,000.


Clarence Kressel

Make that $50,010. I'll throw in 10 more bucks.


Kim Bachrach

Apple Unveils iPad Mini

At a press event today, Apple CEO Tim Cook unveiled the iPad Mini, a 7.9-inch version of its popular iPad tablet that features an ultrathin, light design and is intended to compete with smaller e-readers such as the Kindle Fire and Google Nexus 7. What do you think?

Finally, a device more convenient than the iPad and less convenient than the iPhone!


Kurt Duncan

Apple Unveils iPad Mini

See, my natural instinct would have been to make it bigger and heavier, and maybe tack on a full-size keyboard.


Daniel Atmajian

Apple Unveils iPad Mini

That'll certainly make my regular iPad feel like a big grown boy.


Liev Alexanian

Boys Now Entering Puberty Younger

On the heels of research showing that some American girls are beginning puberty as young as 7 or 8 years of age, a new study suggests that boys are maturing 6 to 24 months earlier than they were four decades ago, though the cause remains unknown. What do you think?

Are we sure kids today aren't just getting uglier and smellier?


Rita Hogan

Boys Now Entering Puberty Younger

Now that you mention it, 11-year-old boys have been looking a lot hotter over the past couple years.


Joel Chin

Boys Now Entering Puberty Younger


Sven Bauer

Senate Candidate: 'God Intended' Pregnancies From Rape

During a debate last night, Richard Mourdock, a Tea Party–backed Republican Senate candidate from Indiana, said that instances of impregnation due to rape are something that God intended to happen. What do you think?

Typical mainstream media, reporting on a Republican's extremely offensive quote just because the guy said it.


Juliet Kozak

That's insulting. Everyone knows that God's ideal method of impregnation is two consenting adults too drunk to care about using a condom.


George Bucossi

Boy, if we Republicans want to win this election, we have got to stop saying what we believe.


Delia Cronenweth

Monster Energy Drink Cited In 5 Deaths

Reports of five deaths said to be related to Monster Energy Drink—including a Maryland teen who died of caffeine-induced cardiac arrhythmia after consuming two 24-ounce beverages in a 24-hour period—has prompted an FDA investigation. What do you think?

At least we can take some comfort in the knowledge that they didn't die drowsy.


Javier Jimenez

Monster Energy Drink Cited In 5 Deaths

Are they sure it was the Monster Drinks and not the totally bitching rush from their snowboard jumps or motocross races?


Paul DiBona

Monster Energy Drink Cited In 5 Deaths

That's tragic, but a good rule of thumb is not to consume 48 ounces of anything.


Wayne Volaitis

Billionaire Gives $100 Million To Central Park

In what is thought to be the largest-ever donation to a public park, hedge fund manager John Paulson gave $100 million to the not-for-profit Central Park Conservancy, which maintains the 843-acre public space. What do you think?

Finally, a gift for the impoverished people of Manhattan.


Donald Canovas

With that kind of money they should be able to get Simon & Garfunkel to play there again, no problem.


Lisanne Sable

God knows Central Park needs the money. I mean, they're still depending on horse-powered carriages for transportation.


James Ralbovsky

U.S. Sues Bank Of America For $1 Billion

The Justice Department has sued Bank of America for allegedly employing a scheme from 2007 to 2009 called the Hustle, through which it approved risky loans and sold them to Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac, ultimately costing taxpayers more than $1 billion. What do you think?


Marc Thayer

That wasn't the only scam they pulled. They're also connected to cases involving the Ol' St. Louie Shuffle, the Mississippi Mad-Man Switch, and the Backdoor Frisco Pot Cleaner.


Elise Carricker

I hope they also sue them for being so slow to send out my basketball-themed checks.


Lucas Groom

Meat Loaf Endorses Romney

Performing after the band Big & Rich at a Romney rally last night, Meat Loaf offered the candidate an unusual, rambling endorsement in which the 65-year-old rocker mentioned that he had never been involved in politics before, that the Cold War is not over, and that Paul Ryan has not pushed [him] off the cliff in a wheelchair. What do you think?

Congratulations, Mitt, on your sweatiest endorsement yet.


Patricia Rosenthal

Meat Loaf Endorses Romney

He makes a good point, but I think, in a lot of ways, the Cold War is over.


Dennis Nykvist

Meat Loaf Endorses Romney

Did Big & Rich by any chance mention who they were supporting for president?


Brick Bradford

U.S. May Pass Saudi Arabia As Top Oil Producer

Driven largely by high prices and new drilling technologies, domestic production of oil is now expanding at its fastest rate since 1951, leading many to project that the United States could overtake Saudi Arabia as the world's largest producer within years. What do you think?

I think I'm going to stick with the Saudi stuff. Imported oil just feels fancier.


Brittany Sartor

Huh. It almost makes you wonder if waging a war with Iraq was even worth it.


Gerald Stirdivant

You realize this only gives more power to local U.S. warlords.


Rachel Spelman

Hurricane Sandy Slams East Coast

Bringing winds up to 85 miles per hour, a potentially devastating storm surge, and the threat of blizzard conditions at higher elevations, the historic and massive Hurricane Sandy will make landfall tonight along the densely populated mid-Atlantic coast. What do you think?

That's nothing. Once I drove at 86 miles per hour for like five seconds.


Diego Croft

Hurricane Sandy Slams East Coast

Crap, is that why my wife bought 15 gallons of bottled water? She shouldn't have left it out when she knew I was thirsty.


Gil Telfer

Hurricane Sandy Slams East Coast


Kay Witt

'Cloud Atlas' Weak At Box Office

Featuring six plots woven together across five centuries, the Tom Hanks and Halle Berry movie Cloud Atlas, which is based on a David Mitchell novel long considered unfilmable, opened to middling reviews and poor ticket sales. What do you think?

Some said Ulysses was unfilmable, too. Turned out it was.


Nicholas Hartwick

'Cloud Atlas' Weak At Box Office

You'd think audiences wouldn't be able to resist the daring originality of a big-budget sci-fi/fantasy epic with philosophical undertones.


Rich Osment

'Cloud Atlas' Weak At Box Office

I was completely baffled by the trailer, so I watched the entire film hoping I'd understand it better, but I didn't, so then I read the book, which also didn't make any sense. So now I'm going to go back and watch the trailer again to see if I missed something.


Sandra Gagne

Quitting Smoking Adds Decade To Women's Lives

According to a study of 1.3 million women, those who gave up cigarettes by age 40 lived an average of 10 years longer than lifelong smokers, while those who quit by age 30 had a 97 percent chance of avoiding an early death altogether. What do you think?

Hmm, what's the takeaway here? Should I stop smoking?


Scott Lindsey

Yeah, that's what my wife claims as her reason for quitting, but I still think it's just her excuse to chew all the gum she wants.


Antoine Klinman

But were they able to conclude which brand was smoothest?


Sophie Bickford

Superstorm Sandy Kills 38

Though downgraded to a post-tropical cyclone, Sandy has left 38 U.S. residents dead, cut electricity to 8.2 million, flooded large swaths of the Eastern Seaboard, and prompted President Obama to declare a major disaster in New York and New Jersey. What do you think?

Fortunately, I've had uninterrupted access to all the usual social media platforms I complain on.


Stephen Shamberg

Superstorm Sandy Kills 38

Good thing Obama ordered that mass shipment of federal towels so we can finally start drying everything off.


Roger Comfort

Superstorm Sandy Kills 38

Is this something we're going to have to never forget? Because my memory is close to full on those things.


Priscilla Rees

Sandy's Economic Toll Could Reach $50 Billion

Many analysts are estimating the cost of the devastation and economic disruption caused by Hurricane Sandy at around $20 billion, with some suggesting the economic toll could reach as high as $50 billion. What do you think?


Alan Cleese

Ever since the word 'trillions' started being flung around in this year's election, I'm barely able to give a shit about anything in the billions.


Paul Twomey

Yeah, but once these storms start coming two or three times a year, I think we'll probably get the hang of them.


Wanda Klein

Paul McCartney: Yoko Ono Didn't Break Up Beatles

In an interview with David Frost, Paul McCartney rejected the long-lived allegations that John Lennon's wife, Yoko Ono, caused the Beatles' breakup in 1970, stating that the band was already in the process of splitting up at the time. What do you think?

I'm not going to watch. I'll wait for the Frost/McCartney movie instead.


Greg Coady

Yoko may not have actually 'broken up' the Beatles, but let's be fair here: All that screaming while flailing about onstage in a bag certainly couldn't have helped the situation much either.


Lynda Pethig

Disney Buys Lucasfilm For $4 Billion

The Walt Disney Co. purchased Lucasfilm Ltd., the production company of George Lucas, for $4.05 billion in cash and stock Tuesday, announcing it would release a seventh installment in the Star Wars franchise in 2015. What do you think?

Man, Disney doesn't care about the Star Wars franchise. They only care about making money.


Roy Skynner

Disney Buys Lucasfilm For $4 Billion

I'm looking forward to all the attractive, multiethnic teen Jedi Knights with names like Obi-Juan and Liu Skywalker.


Alfie Bigg

Disney Buys Lucasfilm For $4 Billion

It was big of Lucas to also entrust the iconic American Graffiti franchise to another generation of filmmakers.


Mickey Lind

2012 Campaign Most Expensive In History

Driven by a massive spending push from super PACs and other advocacy groups in the final days of the election season, the total cost of all federal campaigns this year is estimated to reach $6 billion, surpassing the previous record of $5.3 billion set in 2008. What do you think?

Wow. After this much spending, the richest people in the country really do need a tax cut.


Wayne Romo

2012 Campaign Most Expensive In History

If they just gave me the $100,000 they're spending on my vote, they'd get my vote.


Hazel Sissons

2012 Campaign Most Expensive In History

Well, no matter who wins, at least both those guys have got their names out there now.


Romeo Du Prez

Record High Unemployment Hits Eurozone

Ravaged by a continuing debt crisis and a sluggish economy, the 17-nation Eurozone has seen unemployment reach 11.6 percent, its highest level in 17 years of data. What do you think?

That's terrible. How will all those people be able to afford health care?


Gerry Worley

Record High Unemployment Hits Eurozone

They must be itching to get back to that 9-to-12 grind.


Jenny Jacquemin

Record High Unemployment Hits Eurozone

Well, they better not come here looking for jobs. Last thing this country needs is a bunch of Europeans running around.


Diana Jervoise

New Jersey To Use Military Vehicles As Polling Places

With the election four days away and much of New Jersey still reeling from Hurricane Sandy, state officials announced that military trucks would serve as polling locations in hard-hit areas. What do you think?

I'd really like to vote in a monster truck if that's in any way possible.


Lucas Heeks

My thoughts and prayers go out to the loved ones of the poor men and women deployed to that terrible, terrible place.


William Eastmond

Thank God this isn't happening in a state that matters.


Ralph Vashiell

9 Brightly Colored New Tarantula Species Found

Scientist Rogério Bertani recently discovered nine previously unknown and endangered species of small tree-dwelling tarantulas in Brazil, many of which feature bright pink, purple, and orange colorations. What do you think?

I hate spiders, but I love colors, so I'm a little conflicted here.


Yvonne Pedley

Hmm, this sounds like a scam to sell more tarantulas.


Charles Brierley

And all this time I've been painting my tarantulas like a moron.


Walter Calloway

Florida Faces Early Voting Fiasco

Florida residents hoping to cast early ballots faced long lines yesterday, including a six-hour wait at one polling place in Miami-Dade County, while a bomb scare closed a voting location near Orlando. What do you think?

This is almost as bad as the 1912 Florida election, when alligators ate 27 Taft supporters.


Gloria Pidgurski

Florida Faces Early Voting Fiasco

It's not easy to equip polling places for large numbers of voters. For one thing, you need a shitload of pens.


Junior Lamarche

Florida Faces Early Voting Fiasco

As long as my vote for Pat Buchanan went through, I'm satisfied.


Nia Brownstone

Americans Vote For President

After a long, hard-fought campaign between Democrat Barack Obama and Republican Mitt Romney, voters are finally headed to the polls today to cast their ballots for president of the United States. What do you think?


Igor Vastagh

Americans Vote For President

Wow, there's an election happening? It really crept up on me.


Birch Sousa

Americans Vote For President

It's not any different from other elections: You cast your vote for president, senator, that one representative you don't know much about but hasn't majorly screwed up yet, and skip all that judge and referendum stuff. Simple.


Victor Samuel

Ohio May Need Recount

Polls in Ohio have shown a tight race for its crucial 18 electoral votes, leading many pundits to predict a statewide recount that could delay official tallies—and a clear victory in the presidential contest—until December. What do you think?

I doubt that will happen. When has Ohio ever let us down?


Lou Tudhope

Ohio May Need Recount

How could anyone focus on recounting all those ballots when the Bicycle Museum of America is right there?!


Gracie Szkoda

Ohio May Need Recount


Murphy Chang

Obama Reelected President

President Barack Obama was reelected Tuesday, defeating Republican challenger Mitt Romney in a closely contested race. What do you think?

Obama won? What was the point of all those voter ID laws, then?


Faith Fidler

Obama Reelected President

Looks like Uncle Sam's picking up the tab on my abortion after all!


Brendan Bowie

Obama Reelected President

I can't believe I have to spend another four years looking at Transportation Secretary Ray LaHood's face.


Koko Loveday

Colorado, Washington Legalize Marijuana

Voters in Colorado and Washington state adopted ballot measures yesterday that will legalize possession of marijuana for recreational use by anyone 21 years of age or older, although the drug remains prohibited under federal law. What do you think?


Clarence Montuno

Colorado, Washington Legalize Marijuana

Getting those measures on the ballot and convincing voters to support them took hundreds of hours of hard work by the pro-legalization movement. I just hope they can somehow find a way to relax now that it's over with.


Brian Janosch

Colorado, Washington Legalize Marijuana

Just think about it, man. How can something be legal and illegal at the same time? Whoa!


Ingrid Hebenstreit

U.S. Suicide Rate Up Amid Economic Crisis

According to Centers for Disease Control and Prevention data, the national suicide rate climbed slowly from 1999 to 2007, but then surged more than fourfold between 2008 and 2010, during the depths of the nation's economic crisis. What do you think?

Makes sense. Nothing boosts morale or whisks your blues away quite like a full-time job.


Travis Cardinal

Aw, hang in there, guys! I'm rich and I'm incredibly happy!


Jeff Larissa

It was silly for all those people to kill themselves back then. They should have waited until after the election like me. Goodbye.


Monique Howe

Nor'easter Slams Hurricane Sandy Victims

The season's first winter storm pummeled the mid-Atlantic coast, bringing rain, up to 8 inches of snow, 60-mph wind gusts, a 2- to 4-foot storm surge, and below-freezing temperatures to areas still reeling from Hurricane Sandy. What do you think?

I texted the Red Cross last week. What else do you want from me?


Iggy Brine

Hey, hey, I know one way to stay warm, if you know what I mean! Coal.


Troy Quiacos

Women To Be 20 Percent Of Senate

Women will occupy a record 20 of the U.S. Senate's 100 seats when the 113th Congress opens in January, the result of numerous high-profile election victories, including Elizabeth Warren's in Massachusetts and Tammy Baldwin's in Wisconsin. What do you think?

That's a great first step, but they won't be truly equal until there are 25, or maybe 30, women in the Senate.


Lena Cacioppo

Women To Be 20 Percent Of Senate

Women can get nothing done just as well as men can, and it's a disgrace that percentage isn't higher.


Ron Nowland

Women To Be 20 Percent Of Senate

At least their salaries will save the government some dough.


Zach Plosser

Arizona Shooter Sentenced To Life

Jared Loughner, the gunman who shot six dead and wounded 12 others, including former congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords, outside a Tucson, AZ shopping center in January 2011, was sentenced to seven consecutive terms of life in prison, plus an additional 140 years. What do you think?

After seven lifetimes in jail, that 140 years is going to feel like a cakewalk.


Adam Shaw

Arizona Shooter Sentenced To Life

Whoa. Looks like someone caught the judge on a bad day.


Rachel Carlin

Arizona Shooter Sentenced To Life

See? If we had better gun control laws, we'd never get to experience moments of justice like this.


Rocco Bonifant

McDonald's Sales Down For First Time In 9 Years

McDonald's worldwide sales fell 1.8 percent in October, marking the first drop in the fast food chain's monthly sales figures since April 2003. What do you think?

Yeah, I've been making my own Spicy Chicken McBites at home.


Yvonne Weeks

Uh-oh. Did another restaurant learn how to make hamburgers?


Les Baxter

Maybe they should stop dragging their heels on that McRib shake, then.


Serena Ritter

Petraeus Resigns Over Affair

CIA director and retired four-star Army general David Petraeus resigned after the FBI discovered his extramarital affair with Paula Broadwell, the West Point graduate, Army reservist, and Ph.D. candidate who co-wrote his biography. What do you think?

Listen, you don't get to be a four-star general without smooching a few West Point grads.


Glenn Bradfort

Petraeus Resigns Over Affair

As a married man, I can't tell you how tempting it is to fall in love with your biographer.


Vicente Rivera

Petraeus Resigns Over Affair

That book was okay. I liked the military stuff, but got bored all those times it talked about his delicate touch or how his wife takes him for granted and doesn't deserve his love.


Hal Segan

New 'Call Of Duty' Released

The highly anticipated first-person shooter Call Of Duty: Black Ops 2 went on sale at midnight, and according to a poll on the gaming website IGN, one in four purchasers planned to call in sick to school or work today to play the new game. What do you think?

Big deal. I called in sick to watch the Facts Of Life finale.


Morgan Caracciolo

New 'Call Of Duty' Released

I actually called in sick today. Do you think I should buy the game so it doesn't look weird?


Emily Yonover

New 'Call Of Duty' Released

It's ridiculous to call in sick to play a game and not just because you hate your job with all your heart.


Karla DeBello

Wal-Mart To Open On Thanksgiving Evening

The world's largest retailer, Wal-Mart, announced it would open its U.S. stores at 8 p.m. on Thanksgiving to kick off its annual Black Friday sales. What do you think?


Fred Knox

This is getting crazy. What are they going to do next year: open at seven p.m.? Just kidding. I'm assuming this is the extent of it.


Nash Fountain

Hey, here's a hot tip: Online retailers are open all day.


Alton Gough

Government Internet Surveillance Rising

Nearly doubling the figure from three years ago, the world's governments requested access to Google's private data almost 21,000 times during the first half of 2012, with the United States making the most demands. What do you think?

If the U.S. government wants to see how much I Google 'America U.S.A. Excellent,' then that's fine by me.


Cedric Itzhak

Government Internet Surveillance Rising

I didn't realize we were allowed to do that. I'll take my ex's new address, please.


Vanessa Lopez

Government Internet Surveillance Rising

That's why I always tack on 'just kidding' after any search for illegal stuff.


Neils Brostoff

Pepsi Introduces High-Fiber, 'Fat-Blocking' Soda

Aiming to attract young and health-conscious consumers, PepsiCo introduced Pepsi Special in Japan yesterday, a high-fiber drink that contains the water-absorbing substance dextrin, which the company claims will help reduce body fat. What do you think?

About time. I'm sick of drinking Pepsi Decent.


Albert Flack

I'm sure this will be a huge hit—all kids ever seem to talk about today is their high-fiber diets.


Phyllis Monroe

I bet this is one of those scams where they make it seem healthy by making the serving size really small, like 24 ounces.


Japheth Sheridan

Scientist: Human Race Becoming Dumber

Citing mutations in genes that determine intelligence, as well as the fact that modern-day humans don't have to rely as much on intellect in order to survive and reproduce, a study by Stanford geneticist Gerald Crabtree suggests people are growing dumber. What do you think?

I'm going to go right on telling my son that he's stupid, then.


Madeline Filipowski

Scientist: Human Race Becoming Dumber

It's true. Computers and stuff are great, but when was the last time someone came up with a really great idea, like using a stick to hit things with?


Leon Tauscher

Scientist: Human Race Becoming Dumber


Lucio Rinella

Israel Unleashes Assault On Gaza

A day after killing the top military leader of Hamas in an airstrike, Israel responded to a spate of Palestinian rocket attacks by stepping up its assault on Gaza, and the conflict between the two sides has now reached its most violent level in at least four years. What do you think?

This rivalry between Israel and Palestine is starting to get a little out of hand.


Lolita Soukup

Israel Unleashes Assault On Gaza

With all our wars winding down, I'm glad to see someone's still using my tax dollars to kill people.


Alex Ishii

Israel Unleashes Assault On Gaza

Yeesh, just let me know when it's all over.


Anastasia Margolin

Secession Petitions Filed In All 50 States

Following President Obama's reelection, residents in all 50 states have filed petitions on the White House website requesting secession from the union, with six states receiving the 25,000 signatures needed for the administration to issue an official response. What do you think?

I'm not sure how comfortable I am about the idea of a bunch of foreigners living so close to me.


Gerry Shumbris

All those states seceding would be totally impractical, if only because of all the new national anthems that would have to be written.


Todd Califano

It's one of those perfect ideas where you just think, 'Now why didn't someone think of this sooner?'