Irwin Frejlach

Hockey has always had a way of holding a mirror up to society.


Bobby Dunnez

Hockey Team Apologizes For 'Degrading' Cash-Grab For Teachers

A South Dakota junior hockey team and mortgage lender are apologizing after organizing a widely panned event in which school teachers scrambled to grab dollar bills off the ice during a game's intermission to pay for classroom supplies. What do you think?

It was cynical and insulting and wholly lacked the dignified gravitas of keeping a hand on a prize truck for as long as possible.


Osaid Rampton

University Of Florida Launches Investigation Into Reports Of Pressure To Destroy Covid Research

The University of Florida is investigating possible violations of its research integrity policy following a report claiming external pressure to destroy evidence and delay publication of Covid-19 data. What do you think?

If not contained immediately, facts can spread quickly.


Maury Guimaraes

Someone should alert the governor about this!


Elsa Funes

Can't fault somebody for wanting a break from Covid news.


Burak Hagi

AmazonSmile Donated More Than $40,000 To Anti-Vaccine Groups In 2020

AmazonSmile, the company's charity program that gives .5% from purchases to designated nonprofits, reportedly donated more than $40,000 to anti-vaccine groups in 2020, with a spokesperson saying they respect a wide variety of viewpoints on the matter. What do you think?

I just hope that, in some small way, my toaster purchase put someone in the ICU.


Solomon Saqqa

That may not seem like a lot, but it's worth it if even one person dies.


Josephine Thompson

It doesn't feel good knowing that each Amazon purchase could be helping to support a nonprofit.


Lisbeth Cavlovic

Jim Jordan Forwarded Mark Meadows Plot For Pence To Stop Election Results

Representative Jim Jordan's office has confirmed the congressman forwarded detailed plans from a former U.S. defense department official for the Vice President to reject election results to prevent Joe Biden from becoming president. What do you think?

This was the most effort these guys ever put into something, and it still failed.


Jefferson Kastella

My dad forwards all kinds of crazy shit, too.


Julien Skoien

Nothing but everything he has ever said and done could have prepared me for this.


Larry Yung

FDA Will Permanently Allow Abortion Pills By Mail

The Food and Drug Administration announced it will permanently remove a key restriction on medication used to terminate pregnancies, allowing abortion pills to be available by mail instead of requiring patients to obtain the pills in person from specially certified health providers. What do you think?

I thought Republicans already got rid of the mail.


Marissa Luchetti

This explains that group of anti-abortion protesters screaming at my mailbox.


Meghna Blauvelt

Robotic Fish Frighten Aquatic Pests To Death

Scientists in Australia are using robotic fish that look like a natural predator to scare off invasive mosquitofish, with the frightening interaction making them so anxious that they stop breeding. What do you think?


Brent Djarin

Hopefully invasive fish species will now think twice before being introduced into a new ecosystem by man.


Lars Dunmore

I remember when it was blue-collar workers who held all the good fish-frightening jobs.


Jon Engstrom

Manchin Says He Will Not Vote For Build Back Better Act

Democratic Sen. Joe Manchin (WV) said in a recent interview that he will vote no on the Build Back Better Act, legislation that would expand the social safety net while reducing Americans' childcare and healthcare costs and combating climate change. What do you think?

That sucks, but Democrats still need him if they want to keep getting nothing done.


Buck Wentzel

Such a betrayal after all the things he did to suggest he'd do exactly that.


LeighAnn Krauss

It takes guts to stand up to widely supported, beneficial policy.


Caroline Malinowski

70-Year-Old Arrested For BASE Jumping Off Virginia Skyscrapers

A 70-year-old man has been arrested for allegedly leaping from tall buildings with a parachute in Northern Virginia, making as many as six leaps, including a harrowing 32-story plunge from a building over evening traffic. What do you think?

This sounds like the kind of thing that will eventually take care of itself.


Jerome Alcott

Saying he's lost usually works for my grandpa in situations like that.


Joshua Arboleda

I'd rather plunge to my death than live out my 70s too.


Hugo Condon

Philadelphia Woman Gives Birth On Way To Hospital In Tesla On Autopilot

A Philadelphia woman recently gave birth to her baby while in the front seat of her Tesla as it drove on autopilot to the hospital. What do you think?

I hope they at least offered a ride to any pedestrians the car hit along the way.


Geraldine Tirado

My husband and I are planning a natural car birth as well.


Darlene Fernholz

Biden Pledges 500 Million Free Virus Tests To Counter Omicron

President Biden has announced that next month, the government will start mailing free at-home Covid test kits to any U.S. household that requests one to help stop the spread of the omicron variant. What do you think?

I wonder which lucky citizen will win all 500 million.


Norton Ambrutis

Thanks, but I wouldn't want to take one from someone whose life is worth living.


Derek Kennard

I guess I'll hold off on developing symptoms until then.


Jerry Suade

Babies Survive Tornado That Carried Them Away In Bathtub

Two babies survived one of the deadly tornadoes that hit Kentucky two weeks ago after the bathtub they were sheltering in was ripped out of the ground and tossed with them inside, their grandmother later finding them in the yard with only minor injuries. What do you think?

As a shower person, I know I'd be a goner.


Marjorie O’Brien

God would never let harm come to a bathtub.


Lyndon Morley

And I bet they were pretty clean as well!


Devin Rupar

New Study Suggests Cats May Legitimately Be Psychopaths

A new study has determined domestic cats display the traits associated with the definition of being a psychopath: callous, unemotional, and morally depraved. What do you think?


Jennie Tavernari

This only strengthens my theory that Ted Bundy was a cat.


Russ Farnum

Study: Grandmothers May Hold Deeper Bond With Grandchildren Than Own Children

A new study suggests that grandmothers are more emotionally connected to their grandchildren than to their own children after brain scans showed regions associated with emotional empathy activated looking at photos of grandchildren while only regions for cognitive empathy activated when looking at photos of their children. What do you think?

People are always going to prefer the shiny new thing that has yet to be damaged by them.


Chrystal Pecquet

I wish my daughter would hurry up and give birth to someone I might love.


Art Friesen

You'd think that would get me more than 10 bucks on my birthday.


Stefan Orwell

Poll: More Americans Not Planning To Have Kids

According to a new Pew Research Center survey, some 44% of adults ages 18 to 49 who don't have children say they were not too likely or not at all likely to have kids down the road, up seven percentage points from 2018. What do you think?

I bet we can cut sex education funding enough to make up the difference.


Kathleen Sailer

I don't want kids, but I'd consider giving birth to something else.


Stan Gorley

This is a huge loss for the kidnapping community.


Akhil Caspar

Scientists Create Ultra-Hot Superionic Black Ice

Scientists have confirmed the existence of superionic ice, a dense, dark, and ultra-hot form of matter thought to comprise the bulk of icy planets by using lasers to squeeze a water droplet between two diamonds and blast it to star-like temperatures. What do you think?

I'll be honest, this kind of makes it sound like researchers are running out of things to do.


Warren Santos

I've heard enough. I'm ready to drink it.


Mary Grace Keck

I worry it'll have that superionic aftertaste.


Rami Kruse

Walmart Using Driverless Trucks In Delivery Pilot Program

Walmart has started doing fully driverless box truck deliveries on a fixed seven-mile loop in Arkansas between its own locations as part of a delivery pilot program to test shipping stock from a warehouse to one of its stores. What do you think?

I can't believe there's not a human on board to supervise in case the trucks try to unionize.


Penny McGirt

I'm glad they're finally taking steps to stop paying their employees poverty wages.


Ray Luehrmann

No way driverless trucks are gonna know when I'm requesting them to honk.


Jasper Socci

Study: Climate Change Causing Albatross 'Divorce'

A new study has found that albatross, known to be monogamous creatures, are separating from their life partners at a higher rate, with researchers saying that climate change is negatively impacting breeding conditions, leading the seabirds to find new partners. What do you think?

I, too, blamed my infidelity on increased glacier melt.


Nori Aguirre

It's tough out there for anybody, much less a 30-something divorcée with three chicks.


Ed Koman

I can't imagine being with the same albatross all my life either.


Earl Gerads

Poll: 43% Of Adults Say They Have Financially Cheated On Their Partner

According to a new poll, some 43% of adults with combined finances in a relationship said they've committed an act of financial deception, ranging from lying to their partner or spouse about money to hiding things such as cash, bills or a purchase. What do you think?

This is exactly why my partner and I promised to never have enough money worth lying about.


Sakura Jongen

The other 57% actually know how to keep a secret.


Jamal Shaub

Purchasing the first appearance of Deadpool can sometimes be healthy for a marriage.


Frederic Hoffelder

Woman Attempts To Hire Assassin From RentAHitman.com

A Michigan woman faces up to nine years in prison after pleading guilty to solicitation of murder for trying to hire someone to kill her ex-husband on the fake website, RentAHitman.com, where she filled out the service request form with a $5,000 offer of payment. What do you think?

It's horrible the way those fake websites are designed to fool vulnerable people seeking help.


Martha Andazola

I knew the deals on that site were too good to be true.


Tarquin D’Eredita

Well, that's just terrible customer service.


James Billson

Italian Dentist Presents Fake Arm For Vaccination To Get Pass

A dentist in Italy faces possible criminal charges after trying to use a fake silicone arm to receive a coronavirus vaccine in order to obtain a super health pass required to enter restaurants and venues in Italy. What do you think?


Carli Geiger

That third arm was probably a dead giveaway.


Miguel Litman

The European anti-vaxxer scene is just so much more artistic than the American one.


Lorea Kropp

Dollar General Opening New Store For Wealthier Shoppers

Dollar General will be opening 1,000 locations for its new store called Popshelf, which is aimed at younger, wealthier, suburban customers, selling higher-profit items like home goods and seasonal decor. What do you think?

I don't mind paying a little more for things I don't need.


Arthur Eberhardt

It was only a matter of time before businesses targeted shoppers with money.


Dewayne Campisi

I shall dispatch my personal shopper at once!


Manuel Schur

Dictionary.Com Names 'Allyship' 2021 Word Of The Year

Dictionary.com has named allyship as its word of the year for 2021, noting the old noun taking on another definition: The role of a person who advocates for inclusion of a 'marginalized or politicized group' in solidarity but not as a member. What do you think?

Another tangible victory for antiracism.


Holly Yanoff

I don't like it, but I also can't think of any other words.


Ezra Voss

Feels a little performative if you ask me.


Francis O’Shea

Homeowner Trying To Smoke Out Snakes Accidentally Burns Down House

A Maryland homeowner trying to get rid of a snake infestation accidentally burned their house to the ground, causing about $1 million in damages, with officials stating that the well-being of the snakes was still undetermined. What do you think?

Worked for me when I was trying to get my son to move out.


Jaclyn Hartzell

The reasonable thing would have been to let a family of mongooses take over.


Rudy Cadell

Insurance fraud doesn't have to be this complicated.


Rafael Nqobile

New Year's Resolutions

Each year, Americans celebrate New Year's Eve by resolving to change some aspect of their lives. What is your New Year's resolution?

Buckling down and finally finishing that sandwich.


Olive Caton

New Year's Resolutions

I'm gonna get off social media and find new ways to feel like shit.


Sid Fathiyah

New Year's Resolutions

At best, I'd like to sustain the few current positive attributes I already have.


Sven Wyss

Study: Vaping Doubles Risk Of Erectile Dysfunction

A recent study has discovered that healthy men between the ages of 20 and 65 who vaped nicotine daily were more than twice as likely to report experiencing erectile dysfunction. What do you think?

I'm not an idiot. I vape through my mouth.


Ellin Kennaugh

I'm sure scientists are hard at work developing a Viagra cartridge.


Davy Callum

I could have used this excuse last night.


Valerie Whipple

Republican Party To Pay $1.6 Million Of Trump's Legal Bills

The Republican Party is putting $1.6 million toward helping former President Trump pay for certain legal expenses that relate to politically motivated legal proceedings waged against him. What do you think?

It's nice to see such positive news after a hard year.


Simon Wade

Good for him. The American justice system can be quite unfair to people who don't have a lot of money.


Bruce Mouroux

I donated to the GOP with the impression that money would go toward disenfranchising Black people.


Curtis Jiménez

FDA Approves First Injectable HIV Prevention Drug

For the first time, the Food and Drug Administration has approved a long-acting injectable medication that can be administered every two months as a pre-exposure prophylaxis (or PrEP) against HIV, providing an alternative to daily pills. What do you think?

It won't truly be convenient until they invent an HIV prevention hat.


Beth Eisenmann

This is going to help so many people who can afford it.


Antonio Boyd

I just don't see preventative care ever catching on in America.


Bridget Sanidopoulos

Elizabeth Holmes Found Guilty On 4 Counts of Fraud

A jury found Elizabeth Holmes, the 37-year-old founder of blood-testing startup Theranos, guilty of four out of 11 federal charges, including three counts of wire fraud and one count of conspiracy to commit wire fraud. What do you think?

Luckily, at her age, she still has her best cons ahead of her.


Sergio Donlan

These days, it's hard to tell which shadowy corporations you can trust with your DNA.


Kenton Bloom

What if I told you I'd developed a way to get it down to two counts?


Gillian Bowers

NHL Staffer Cancer-Free After Fan Spots Dangerous Mole On Neck

A Seattle Kraken fan was thanked with a $10,000 medical school scholarship for saving the life of a Vancouver Canucks equipment manager after she pressed a note to the plexiglass warning that the mole on his neck looked cancerous. What do you think?

I've always been told it's impolite to comment on other people's appearances.


Dominick Tillman

It makes you wonder how many cancerous moles have been missed due to nosebleed seats.


Jacob Galloway

If my team was that shitty, I'd start checking people's moles too.


Ray Paulus

2022 Grammy Awards Postponed

Grammy organizers have announced that the award show, originally slated for Jan. 31, will be rescheduled for an undetermined later date, citing the uncertainty surrounding the Omicron variant. What do you think?

I find it hard to believe people will still care about music after January.


Oscar Steplowski

2022 Grammy Awards Postponed

Darn, I always look forward to reading about those the next day.


Sherry Kansky

2022 Grammy Awards Postponed

It's smarter anyway to wait and see if the show can be held during a deadlier surge.


Conrad Slanec

Virginia Motorists Stuck On I-95 For Harrowing 24 Hours

A snowstorm stranded Virginia motorists on Interstate 95 for more than 24 hours, forcing hundreds to spend the night in their cars amid freezing temperatures, some with little to no food or water. What do you think?

There's nothing wrong with some quality audiobook time.


Judy Kegg

When they're old and gray, they'll be glad they spent this valuable time with their cars.


Alberto Pao

That's why I never travel on paved roads.


Jonah Venhaus

Pope Chides 'Selfish' Couples Who Choose Pets Over Children

Stating that it takes away our humanity, Pope Francis made comments criticizing the selfishness of couples who choose to have dogs and cats instead of children. What do you think?

All right, but children are terrible mousers.


Vivian Serrano

Take that, everyone who tells me I'm not fit to be a mother!


Darin Pearlman

I knew my neighbor's bulldog was an abomination against God.


Kitt Mitchell

Scientists Name Endangered Tree After Leonardo DiCaprio

Scientists in London have honored Leonardo DiCaprio by naming an endangered tree after him, stating that the actor was crucial in helping to stop the logging of the Cameroon rainforest where it grows. What do you think?

I prefer actors with sandwiches named after them.


Spencer Rivera

I would go ahead and count that as the 'T' in EGOT.


Eric Mandl

Covid Vaccinations Quadruple In Quebec Ahead Of Liquor, Cannabis Store Restrictions

Quebec officials have reported the number of first-dose appointments for Covid-19 vaccines have quadrupled after announcing that vaccination passports will be required to enter liquor and cannabis stores. What do you think?

And to think that doctors have painted rising alcoholism as a bad thing.


Gabe Batres

Great, now I'm going to have to provide two forms of fake ID.


Kathleen Fullan

Sorry, but I'm not getting vaccinated for anything weaker than an opioid.


Nori Lynskey

San Francisco Skyscraper Tilting 3 Inches Per Year

Engineers are rushing to stabilize San Francisco's Millennium Tower, a 58-story, 645-foot tall luxury residential skyscraper that has been sinking into the ground by three inches per year, and is now leaning over two feet off of center. What do you think?

Nothing a few folded up napkins can't fix.


Eric Mesco

Just wait for an earthquake to jostle it back into place.


Herbert Oresnik

Must be nice to get a new view without the hassle of moving.


Marshall Thakkar

Robert Durst, Real Estate Heir Convicted Of Murder, Dies

Robert Durst, the New York millionaire convicted of murdering his best friend 20 years ago and who has been linked to his wife's unsolved disappearance in 1982, has died three months after being sentenced to life in prison. What do you think?

Whatever, that was, like, 5,000 true crimes ago.


Tess Siegel

What's left of his family must be heartbroken.


Miguel Perlmutter

He barely even had the chance to be rehabilitated in prison.


Adam Veeneman

Poet Maya Angelou Becomes First Black Woman To Be Featured On U.S. Quarter

The U.S. Mint has begun shipping out the first quarters featuring prominent women in American history, beginning with poet, writer, and activist Maya Angelou, the first Black woman to appear on the coin. What do you think?

And what exactly was wrong with George Washington's poetry?


Gordon Dankosky

That's nice, but I'm loyal to two dimes and a nickel.


Lucy Langenthal

See? Pursuing poetry as a career can eventually pay off.


Chuck Strouse

Dolphins Have Fully Functioning Clitoris, Study Finds

New research has found that female dolphins, who copulate throughout the year as a way to forge and maintain social bonds, have a fully functional clitoris with sensory nerves and erectile bodies that help them experience pleasure during sex, just as it does for humans. What do you think?

I never would have felt comfortable with them performing in shows if I knew dolphins could cum.


Zeke Kapur

This makes their lack of hands all the more devastating.


Kalyani Vershbow

L.A. Police Officers Fired For Playing Pokémon GO During Active Robbery

An appeals court has upheld the firing of two Los Angeles police officers who ignored a call requesting backup to the scene of a nearby robbery so that they could pursue a Pokémon GO virtual game character. What do you think?

I wouldn't want to go into a dangerous situation without a little Pokémon backup either.


Russ Parades

It's unconscionable that these officers ignored the call of duty for anything less than a Charizard.


Jeremy Lambson

I guess we should all just get used to Snorlaxes running rampant through our neighborhoods.


John Sammarco

Insurance To Cover Costs Of At-Home Covid Tests Starting Saturday

The Department of Health and Human Services has announced that health insurers will be required to cover costs for over-the-counter, at-home Covid tests starting this Saturday, with each individual able to access eight tests a month for free. What do you think?

I don't understand why health insurance should have to cover medical costs.


Cara Borgard

As soon as I recover, I'll go pick up a few.


Diedrich Smith

I'll be sure to bring that up at my no-benefits service job.


Derek Gawel

Queen Strips Prince Andrew Of Royal And Military Titles Amid Sexual Assault Lawsuit

Buckingham Palace announced that Prince Andrew has been stripped of his military titles and charities, a day after a judge ruled a sexual abuse civil lawsuit against the Queen's son could proceed. What do you think?

I always knew I was in trouble anytime my mother stripped me of military titles.


Sherrilyn Ulmer

Yeah, she doesn't like it when you get caught.


Cory Carmona

He could be in real trouble if he loses his wealth, race, and gender next.


Abby Syme

Hero Rat' Who Detected Landmines In Cambodia Dies In Retirement

Magawa, an African giant pouched rat in Cambodia who received a prestigious award for his life-saving duty finding dozens of landmines left over from a civil war 30 years ago, has died in retirement at 8 years old. What do you think?

Sadly, most in his line of work don't make it to retirement.


Logan Chunes

Hey, the CIA paid good money for those mines.


Ross Demmock

I wasn't expecting to learn that a rat lived a fuller life than me, but here we are.


Reggie Stinchcomb

Tennis Star Novak Djokovic Deported From Australia After Losing Visa Battle

Australian officials have deported Novak Djokovic after the tennis star, who is unvaccinated against Covid-19, lost his final bid to stay in the country to play as the No. 1 seed in the Australian Open and defend his title. What do you think?

He probably could have faked it since no one knows what a Serbian vaccination card looks like.


Nathan Flavell

Why can't they just play the Australian Open someplace else?


Lula Wolf

I think they call it football down there.


Mason Reyes

Transplant Surgeon Loses Medical License For Branding Initials On Patients' Livers

A British surgeon has had his medical license revoked after he was found out to have burned his initials on to the livers of two patients during transplant surgery with a device meant to stop bleeding. What do you think?

I can't blame a guy for attempting to grow his practice through nontraditional marketing channels.


Gemma Umansky

Do you think he could do a butterfly on mine?


Tyson Lu

Idiot. The first thing anybody does after a transplant is check out how their new organ looks in the mirror.


Spencer Dashell

FDA Drops Regulations On French Dressing

The FDA has announced it is revoking its standard of identity for French dressing that requires the sauce to contain at least 35% vegetable oil, and vinegar, lemon juice or both, which has been in place since 1950. What do you think?

FDA approval is the last thing I want to think about while I'm eating.


Ruth Bowen

It's only fair that French dressing enjoys the same freedoms as Thousand Island.


Marcus Hackett

No longer will I be seen as a weirdo asking restaurants for their French dressing percentages.


Sonny Rinkunas

Study Finds Women 32% More Likely To Die After Operation By Male Surgeon

A new study has revealed that women are 15% more likely to suffer a bad outcome and 32% more likely to die when operated on by a male surgeon than a female surgeon, with male surgeons' implicit sex biases pointed out as one possible explanation. What do you think?

Women need to learn how to better communicate their needs while on the operating table.


Carlos Depenbrock

They should do a better job in med school of teaching doctors what women are.


Jill Cranin

I guess I'm lucky I can't afford to have surgery.


Marissa Boykin

U.K. Scientists Unearth 180-Million-Year-Old 'Sea Dragon' Fossil

The remains of a 33-foot-long ichthyosaur, a marine reptile that lived 180 million years ago, has been unearthed on a nature preserve in England, making it the largest and most complete fossil of its kind ever to be found in the U.K. What do you think?

I also lost some earrings a few weeks back if anyone's found that?


Brian Mai

Can't wait to just breeze past it in a museum someday.


Marvin Hariot

Starbucks Drops Worker Vaccine Mandate After SCOTUS Ruling

Starbucks is no longer requiring its U.S. workers to be vaccinated against Covid-19 or to regularly test for the virus, in one of the most high-profile corporate reversals since the Supreme Court blocked the Biden administration's workplace vaccine policy. What do you think?


Artemis Sancler

I'm not sure I can interact with Starbucks workers with even less humanity than I already do.


Heidi Buysse

I don't go to Starbucks because I value my sense of taste or smell.


Mitch Pineño

Ancient 'Scepters' Actually Drinking Straws For Communal Boozing, Say Researchers

New research shows that silver and gold tubes unearthed in an ancient tomb in southern Russia in 1897, long thought to be ceremonial staffs, were, in fact, the earliest-known drinking straws, used by people 5,000 years ago to sip beer from a communal jar. What do you think?

That would explain the bendy part those scepters had near the top.


Aileen Mattina

Gross, maybe if they didn't share straws they'd still be around.


Oskar Dieter

This kind of confusion is why I steer clear of cylinders altogether.


Liam Carusilo

M&Ms Characters Redesigned For 'More Dynamic, Progressive World'

The makers of M&Ms have announced that the candy characters have undergone a makeover that brand executives say better reflects the diverse and nuanced world of their fans, with the green M&M now wearing sneakers instead of white, heeled go-go boots. What do you think?

As long as those M&Ms still endorse cannibalism, they can redesign whatever they want.


Caleb West

It's about time we stop treating pieces of candy like objects.


Bella Civeris

I wish this happened before the green M&M ruined my marriage.


Robyn Kalra

Teen Pilot Becomes Youngest Woman To Fly Around World Solo

Nineteen-year-old aviator Zara Rutherford has become the youngest woman to fly around the world solo, completing the 32,300-mile, 41-country journey in 155 days, breaking two Guinness World Records in the process. What do you think?

Hopefully this feat inspires more young women to push the boundaries of their parent's wealth.


Jeremiah Hambly

I spent my teen years desperate to get away from my parents too.


Brad Weiss

She could've beaten another world record if she had those really long fingernails.


Cindy Brammer

Theodore Roosevelt Statue Removed From Natural History Museum

A statue of U.S. President Theodore Roosevelt that sat in front of New York City's natural history museum was removed this week after criticism over its controversial image of a Native American and African man holding subservient positions next to him. What do you think?

It's too late. I already learned about him.


Emile Kopanska

Good. Wouldn't want anyone to think that America has ever elected a racist president.


Zach Giard

They could have compromised by switching out who got to ride the horse every few weeks.


Owen Begel

Archaeologists Find Rare 4,000-Year-Old Board Game

Archeologists have unearthed a rare 4,000-year-old board game in a Bronze and Iron Age settlement site in Oman, the game having grid markings that make it look similar to backgammon. What do you think?

Could have been worth a lot more if they had kept it in the box.


Simon Caravella

It breaks my heart to learn that people have been getting sucked into board game nights for 4,000 years.


Naseer Lechner

This raises the possibility that their civilization was brought down by a board game-related argument.


Monique Seckington

Cruise Ship Flees To Bahamas After U.S. Issues Arrest Warrant

A cruise ship that was supposed to dock in Miami sailed to the Bahamas instead after a U.S. judge granted an order to seize the vessel as part of a lawsuit over unpaid fuel, with the passengers taken by ferry to Ft. Lauderdale the next day. What do you think?

So that's why the captain suddenly announced the cops would never take him alive.


Eric Yionilos

As far as cruise experiences go, that one's actually pretty positive.


Darrin Becker

I didn't mind. I was fleeing from an arrest warrant to begin with.


Sasha Egerdie

Woman Tries To Buy Baby For $500,000 From Mother At Walmart

A woman in Crockett, TX has been arrested for attempting to purchase a stranger's baby for $250,000, approaching the mother and her child while they were waiting in the self-checkout line at a Walmart, then upping her offer to $500,000 in the parking lot. What do you think?

Yes, hanging out at Walmart fits the profile of someone legitimately in possession of half a million dollars.


Bruce Nillson

Is she insane? That was the value of a baby 20 years ago.


Ira Jong

That's why you never take the first offer.


Harvey Koja

Neil Young Demands Spotify Remove His Music Over Joe Rogan Vaccine Misinformation

Musician Neil Young wrote an open letter to his management and record label, demanding his classic song library be removed from Spotify if they continue to allow podcast hosts like Joe Rogan a platform to spread Covid-19 misinformation. What do you think?

I sense a civil war brewing between stepdads everywhere.


Tricia Coreny

Is he really willing to lose thousands of cents over this?


Adam Shattuck

I don't expect Neil Young to understand the complexities of running a successful misinformation propaganda machine.


Barbara Govindan

Ana de Armas Fans Sue Hollywood Studio Over 'Deceptive' Film Trailer

Fans of Ana de Armas have filed a class action lawsuit against Universal Studios, claiming they were duped into renting the movie Yesterday when the trailer showed a brief glimpse of de Armas despite her character having been cut from the finished film. What do you think?

Have you ever seen a movie without Ana de Armas? They suck.


Clark Seidlitz

I also thought she'd be great in Spider-Man: Far From Home. Can we get a lawsuit out of that?


Abner Dixon

Imagine a world where no one but you remembered Ana de Armas was in the original cut of Yesterday.


Alan Minichino

Supreme Court Justice Stephen Breyer To Retire

Supreme Court Justice Stephen Breyer will reportedly step down at the end of the current term after nearly three decades on the bench, giving President Joe Biden an opportunity to nominate a successor who could serve for decades. What do you think?

His opinion in Hurst v. Florida is one of my all-time favorite concurrences.


Frank Higgins

I can't wait to see how this leaves me feeling defeated!


Denise Muntz

I feel like I was just getting to know his judicial philosophy.


Serena Cattermole

SpaceX Rocket Part On Collision Course With Moon

The four-ton upper stage of a SpaceX rocket that did not return to Earth after a completed mission is on course to crash into the Moon and explode seven years after it was launched, producing an impact capable of creating a 65-foot crater. What do you think?

You've got to hand it to him. Elon Musk knows how to produce an exploding, out-of-control vehicle.


Rodney Vayenas

But will SpaceX ever be capable of crashing something into Mars?


Javier Farwell

China Changes 'Fight Club' Ending To Have Authorities Win

Tencent, a popular Chinese streaming platform, has released a version of Fight Club that replaces the scene in which buildings are blown up as part of a plan to destroy consumerism with a caption telling audiences that authorities showed up just in time to save the day. What do you think?


Fern Poveda

I have enough trouble remembering whether or not I'm still supposed to like the original version of Fight Club.


Boris Freitag

If they can also do something with Mank, more power to them.


Ross Mulrooney

San Jose To Become First City In U.S. To Require Gun Insurance

San Jose, CA is the first U.S. city to pass a measure requiring gun owners to buy liability insurance to cover losses or damages resulting from any accidental use of the firearm, including death, injury, or property damage. What do you think?

The only insurance I need for my Glock 9mm is my AR-15.


Clarice Melancon

This all presumes a gun could be used to hurt someone.


Alvaro Hayden

I'm relieved that my kids will be taken care of when they accidentally kill me with my gun.


Lori McDonnough

Tennessee School District Bans Holocaust Graphic Novel 'Maus'

A Tennessee School Board has voted unanimously to ban Maus, a Pulitzer Prize-winning graphic novel about the Holocaust, prompting blowback from critics who say it's essential to teach children about the genocide. What do you think?

Decisions like this make it easier for people to deny that Tennessee ever happened.


Duncan Staley

Parents know what's best for their child's perception of Jews.


Felix Biehl

Makes you start to wonder if Tennessee had something to do with the Holocaust.


Nikki Heithoff

New York City Ethics Board Says Mayor Can Hire Brother For $1

A New York City ethics panel has agreed that Mayor Eric Adams can hire his brother as a senior security adviser, but only at $1 per year and with no power over department personnel, not the $240,000 salary the position was supposedly set to pay. What do you think?

He could still make a lot of money depending on how many hundreds of thousands of years he kept the job.


Danny Eikle

Yeah, and it's even less than that after taxes.


Cliff Ingalls

With a little finesse, I'm sure he could negotiate that up to $1.25.


Forrest Cahoon

Rihanna Expecting First Child With A$AP Rocky

Pop star and fashion mogul Rihanna is expecting her first child with her boyfriend, rapper A$AP Rocky, debuting her bare baby bump while the couple was on a walk in NYC. What do you think?

Let them stunt for the paparazzi in peace!


David Gailey

I worry motherhood will change the way I fetishize her.


Yvette Rouse

Great, there goes my chance at being Rihanna's first-born child.


Mervyn Lee

Trump Says He Will Pardon Capitol Rioters If He Runs For And Wins 2024 Election

Former President Donald Trump promised at a recent rally in Texas that he will pardon supporters who attacked the U.S. Capitol on Jan. 6, 2021 if he runs for and wins the 2024 presidential election. What do you think?

Just in time for most of them to already be out of jail.


Layla Adair

It's his thoughtfulness and care for the well-being of others that I miss most about Trump's presidency.


Jon Maliska

If Biden doesn't respond soon, he could end up losing the rioter vote.


Kathy Sahana

New York Times' Buys Online Game Wordle

The New York Times announced Monday it has bought Wordle, the free once-a-day online word game that exploded in popularity in recent months, saying the game would initially remain free once it moves over to the Times' site. What do you think?

This might be the publicity boost that the game desperately needs.


Gus Legro

New York Times' Buys Online Game Wordle

Only a publication as dumb as the Times would pay over a million bucks for a free game.


Edmond O’Malley

New York Times' Buys Online Game Wordle

I really just hope this success doesn't go to the alphabet's head.


Greg Sabella

Tom Brady Announces Retirement

Tom Brady has officially announced his retirement from the NFL after 22 record-breaking seasons, ending his career after winning seven Super Bowls with the New England Patriots and Tampa Bay Buccaneers. What do you think?

I knew that wuss would quit sooner or later.


Bill Attisha

Tom Brady Announces Retirement

The pandemic has made a lot of people question their careers.


Jane Tunkel

Tom Brady Announces Retirement

There's more to life than football once you realize you won't win another Super Bowl.


Gladys Dobrenko

FBI Urges Olympic Athletes To Leave Personal Cell Phones At Home

The FBI has warned Olympic athletes not to bring their personal phones but to get burner phones instead before heading to Beijing for the Winter Games, citing possible malicious cyber activities. What do you think?


Ned Handler

The problem isn't athletes' phones; it's their treasonous thoughts.


Andre Landman

Good. You never know what kind of state secrets might be on a 22-year-old snowboarder's phone.


Adam DiVittorio

Domino's Offering To 'Tip' Customers $3 For Ordering Carry-Out

Domino's announced it would be offering customers a $3 credit towards a future purchase if they order online and choose carryout, the pizza chain hoping the promotion helps to alleviate problems being caused by the worker shortage. What do you think?

What people don't realize is that most Domino's customers need that tip to live.


Shea Aylward

If I was willing to spend more than 30 seconds off my ass, I wouldn't be ordering Domino's.


José Crosby

Let me guess, they also want us to eat the pizza ourselves too?


Sandy Gabelnick

Rudy Giuliani Reveal On 'The Masked Singer' Prompts Judges To Walk Out

Ken Jeong and Robin Thicke, judges on The Masked Singer reality television show, reportedly walked off set in protest after the contestant who was singing and dancing underneath a disguise was revealed to be Rudy Giuliani. What do you think?

Well, that backfired. Dominating the news for 24 hours is the last thing the producers wanted.


Luis Mack

I mean, who wouldn't be angry at the man who let the election be stolen?


Gordon Valadez

I had no idea Masked Singer judges could even have a breaking point.


Brigitte Garcia

Study Finds Gas Stoves Leak Methane Even When Turned Off

A new study has found that gas stoves are contributing more to global warming than previously thought because of constant tiny methane leaks while they're off, annually putting out an amount of greenhouse gases equivalent to 500,000 gas-powered cars. What do you think?


Mital Schmidt

You get used to having a wavy apartment.


Zane Herrera

Better make sure my windows are shut so the methane doesn't get out.


Tessa Dreyer

Pastor Holds Bonfire To Burn 'Witchcraft' Books Like 'Twilight'

A Tennessee far-right pastor hosted a book burning event, encouraging parishioners to toss books like Harry Potter and Twilight, as well as tarot cards and voodoo dolls and crystals into a fire to denounce what he described as demonic materials. What do you think?

I know this is better for the environment, but I'd still prefer a more traditional book burial.


Brad Schrager

I'll bring my demonic hot dogs and marshmallows!


Edwin Muhl

French Brewer Using Algae To Make Blue Beer

A French brewer has released a blue beer using algae that has a naturally occurring pigment, collaborating with a firm trying to popularize algae as a dietary supplement. What do you think?

I'll try anything if it'll get me drunk.


Vern Conway

I'm sorry, but there's no way I'm drinking French beer.


Myra Eckstein

Cleaning up blue vomit could be a nice change of pace.


Chris Tait

Frontier, Spirit Airlines Merge To Create 5th-Largest Airline In U.S.

Budget carriers Frontier Airlines and Spirit Airlines have announced plans to merge in a $6.6 billion deal that would create the fifth-largest U.S. airline. What do you think?

Hopefully this merger won't change the god-awful customer service I'm used to.


Kaila Braunstein

Finally. I was getting tired of the illusion of choice.


Athol Lemson

What a great idea to help discourage air travel during a pandemic.


Clive Alonzo

Oklahoma Bill Would Fine Teachers $10,000 For Contradicting A Student's Religious Beliefs

A new bill has been introduced in Oklahoma that would allow teachers to be sued for $10,000 if they offer an opposing view from the religious beliefs held by students, affecting subjects like LGBTQ+ issues, evolution, the big bang theory, and birth control. What do you think?

Well, I would hope there'd be some kind of repercussion for disagreeing with a student.


Rohan Van Sant

Oh for Christ's sake, just home-school your kids already.


May Enriquez

Big deal. That's nothing on a teacher's salary.


Nancy Woodburn

Hyundai, Kia Tell Owners Of 500,000 Vehicles To Park Outside Due To Fire Risk

Hyundai and Kia are telling the owners of almost 500,000 cars and SUVs in the United States to park outside and away from buildings due to a possible defect that can cause the vehicles to spontaneously catch fire even when not running. What do you think?

They're taking aggressive steps into Tesla's market.


Ben Maxey

We only have ourselves to blame. Cars were never meant to be kept indoors.


Dylan Tozzi

This is why I only buy American death traps.


Eddie Oseni

British Pub Closes After 1,000 Years Due To Pandemic

Ye Olde Fighting Cocks, an English pub north of London, that says it's been operating since 793 A.D. has closed for good, with the owner citing the pandemic as being the cause for closure. What do you think?

They say the first thousand years of running a restaurant are the hardest.


Ivan Petrosky

I feel most sorry for the regulars who've been going there since the eighth century.


Emma Mole

You'd think the Black Plague would've prepared the owners for the pandemic.


Greta Dews

Dolly Parton's Dollywood To Offer All Employees Free Tuition

Dollywood's parent company has announced they will start covering 100% of tuition, fees, and books for any of their employees across its 25 U.S. attractions who wish to further their schooling. What do you think?

It's so condescending that she thinks her employees aren't good enough as is.


Steve Gamsey

Only a thousand more locations until college is accessible to everyone.


Deepak Barovsky

How are you supposed to retain employees if you don't crush their spirits?


Marina Carmer

Koala Officially Listed As Endangered

The Australian government has officially listed the koala as endangered, their numbers in decline due to land clearing and catastrophic bushfires shrinking its habitat, with experts saying the species could become extinct by 2050 unless the government takes urgent action. What do you think?

Hopefully this is enough to convince the wild ones to finally settle down and start a family.


Abe Duffy

Koala Officially Listed As Endangered

Maybe now that they know life is short, they won't sleep their days away.


Buster Hodonsky

Koala Officially Listed As Endangered

Swift, substantive action isn't really humanity's forte.


Maude Gerads

Doctors In Canada Can Now Prescribe National Park Passes

A new program launched last month in Canada gives some doctors the option of providing patients with a free annual pass to the country's national parks as part of an effort to increase access to nature and the health benefits to be found outside. What do you think?

How sick do I have to be to qualify for Disney World?


Emran Knight

Banff National Park ain't got shit on 50 mg of oxycodone.


Eddie Rawady

Nice try, but the only healing park is Yosemite and it's all ours.


Mollie Gleicher

60,000 Bees Stolen From U.S. Supermarket Headquarters

Nearly 60,000 bees have been stolen from Giant Food Stores' headquarters in Pennsylvania. The insects were taken from the supermarket chain's seven-acre solar field that was built to host bees, birds, and other small wildlife. What do you think?

Then I hope they stole a beekeeper, too, because those things are hard work.


Barry Sheppard

That's what they get for storing bees outdoors.


Dann Pingle

More than that, they stole a sense of security from all the bee owners in the neighborhood.


Danny Ritter

America Celebrates Valentine's Day

Across the nation, Americans are finding unique ways to express their love for their significant others. How are you celebrating Valentine's Day?

I like to treat every day as an opportunity to buy someone's love.


Shalyah Bardi

America Celebrates Valentine's Day

God, every year February rolls around and I totally forget I don't love my husband anymore.


Billy Gambaro

America Celebrates Valentine's Day

Eh, it's just another day where I seriously consider ending it all.


Mohanad Guyton

Ohio Mayor Concerned Ice Shanties Would Lead To Prostitution

An Ohio mayor, who has since stepped down, spoke at a recent City Council meeting about whether to permit people to fish on the frozen lake, saying that short-term ice shanties would lead to prostitution. What do you think?

As if ice fishing weren't erotic enough as is.


Stuart Rosner

Come on, ice fishermen never have to pay for it.


Alejandra Pinder

Champagne Sales Reach All-Time High

French champagne sales rebounded last year to a record $5.7 billion, 14% above the pre-pandemic high, as the relaxation of pandemic-related curbs fueled a surge in exports, notably to the United States. What do you think?

I'm just glad the grapes are working again.


Geoff Tartaglioni

Champagne Sales Reach All-Time High

I was told a bawdy toast would cure Delta.


Wyatt Hegerle

Champagne Sales Reach All-Time High

Nearly one million deaths is a lot of people to toast.


Roy Haines

Spinal Implants Allowing Paralyzed People To Walk Again

Researchers in Switzerland have developed a spinal cord implant that uses a nerve-stimulating device controlled by a touchscreen tablet that has already allowed for a paralyzed man with a completely severed spine to walk again. What do you think?

Sweet. I'm rebooking that skydiving trip.


Maya Nerboso

I thought faith healers had this covered.


Toby Giancarlo

This is just the first step in humans getting treatment for injuries.


James Torres

Thousands Of Priest's Baptisms Rendered Invalid For Using Wrong Word

A priest resigned earlier this month after his diocese discovered the baptisms he held over two decades were invalid because he had changed a single word while performing the sacrament. What do you think?

I thought it was weird that he kept referring to Jebus.


Eugenia Desrocher

That's alright. I was going to sin anyway.


Colin Zeisler

And not a single baby spoke up to correct him?


Daniela Clough

San Francisco Police Department Accused Of Using Rape Kit DNA To Arrest Victim For Unrelated Crime

San Francisco police used DNA collected as part of a rape exam to link a woman to a property crime, a practice which critics claim violates her constitutional rights and will deter victims of sexual assault from coming forward. What do you think?

I thought we just figuratively put rape victims on trial.


Abraham Burgess

It's amazing how DNA analysis has changed the way law enforcement violates rights.


Caleb Rocchio

Aren't cops supposed to ignore rape kits?


Greg Sperry

Peter Thiel Funding Dating App For Conservatives

Billionaire Peter Thiel has invested $1.5 million into launching a dating app called The Right Stuff, which caters to conservatives who have complained about finding themselves excluded from dating circles in large cities where liberals tend to live. What do you think?

Do you actually have to be a conservative, or can any garden-variety asshole join?


Caroline Topolski

It's tough to feel like people are judging you just because of the things you say and do.


Oskar Newmann

Who the fuck is Christian Mingle for then?


Noah Klotz

U.S. Approves New Headlights That Won't Blind Oncoming Drivers

U.S. vehicles will now be allowed to use advanced headlights known as adaptive driving beams that automatically adjust using additional sensors, providing more illumination without a glare to oncoming motorists in order to prevent nighttime crashes. What do you think?

At least my horn can still startle people.


Dane Ralyea

What about people who rely on bright oncoming lights to wake them up?


Maddie Grayson

I find the old headlights aren't much of a problem if you just close your eyes.


Carlos Brill

Melania Accused Of Placing Winning Bid On Own NFT

A recent report found that the winning bid in the auction for former first lady Melania Trump's NFT came from a virtual wallet that belongs to the same organization that launched the project, suggesting the $185,000 bid came from Trump herself. What do you think?


Lupe Plitsas

People hate to see a successful woman investing in herself.


Joe McKean

If you've got a better way to launder money, I'm all ears.


Wendy Marcotte

Hundreds Of Blackbirds Suddenly Fall From Sky

Hundreds of blackbirds were seen on video falling from the sky in Mexico, hitting the pavement with some dying on impact, in an unexplained phenomenon that some experts suggest was caused by a predator or possibly pollution. What do you think?

That's what they get for messing around up there!


Chris Hoadley

Weird. I wonder what made them all realize life isn't worth it.


Hemanth Turkos

You're supposed to soap the pavement so birds don't crash into it.


Guillermo Dornish

Fiery Cargo Ship Full Of Porsches Adrift In Ocean

A burning transport ship carrying more than 1,000 luxury cars, including Porsches, was left drifting in the mid-Atlantic after the huge vessel's 22 crew members were evacuated due to the fire. What do you think?

A Porsche's journey to a better life overseas is fraught with danger.


Melvinia Scott

It's a sad world when we start prioritizing the crew's safety over rich people's luxury automobiles.


Clint Safa

I hope the day will come when the only cars burning adrift at sea are electric.


Jan Sharlet

Crows Trained To Pick Up Cigarette Butts In Sweden

A Swedish startup is training crows to pick up discarded cigarette butts from the streets as part of a cost-cutting drive, the wild birds receiving a little food for every butt they deposit into a machine that collects them for disposal.What do you think?

This does seem much easier than teaching humans how to do it.


Rance Hayes

Well, I just trained some pigeons to smoke, so they'll have their work cut out for them.


Tom Nevandar

Great. I'll continue to flick my cigarettes at birds then.


Dayna Gunnels

500-Pound Bear, 'Hank the Tank', Breaking Into California Homes For Food

A 500-pound black bear, nicknamed 'Hank the Tank' for its large size, broke into more than two dozen South Lake Tahoe homes to rummage for food, still eluding capture after seven months. What do you think?

Kind of rude to assume he's looking for food just because of his size.


Francis Noffke

So this is the thanks we get for destroying their natural ecosystem?


Cesar Strickland

We need to address the systemic issues forcing bears to resort to theft.


Saeed Palumbo

Father Arrested After Telling 4-Year-Old Son To Shoot Officers At McDonald's

A Utah man told his 4-year-old son to shoot at police officers who were attempting to arrest him in a McDonald's drive-thru after an incident that began over an incorrect food order, with the child wounding one officer before being disarmed. What do you think?

Children under 5 should absolutely not be handling a gun!


Monique Dupont

If there's a way to ensure you get a correct McDonald's order without using a gun, I'd love to hear it.


Peter Wojno

How irresponsible of that father to feed his child fast food.


Terrell Specia

Finale Of 'Arthur', Longest-Running Children's Show, Ends With 20-Year Time Jump

Arthur, the longest-running children's animated series in the history of American television, has ended with its 25th season, the final episode, titled All Grown Up, taking place 20 years into the future when the characters are adults. What do you think?

As if an aardvark and a rabbit would still be friends after all those years.


Demetrios Bertran

Whatever shuts my kid up for half an hour is fine by me.


Claire Brennan

Well, if they can survive the dystopian nightmare looming in our immediate future, maybe we can too.


Doris Bagley

Medical Student Surgically Implants Bluetooth Device Into Ear To Cheat On Final Exam

A medical student in India was caught cheating with a cellphone connected to a micro-bluetooth device surgically implanted into his ear, with officials saying it was the student's final attempt to pass the exam after repeatedly failing it. What do you think?

Back in my day, we had to implant a whole textbook.


Randy Brooks

I would never be able to trust a doctor who can't properly cheat.


Anderson Lenzi

Since when are we punishing students that show ingenuity?


Yair Cardoso

Russia Seizes Chernobyl Power Plant In Ukraine

Ukrainian officials have confirmed that Russian forces have seized control of the Chernobyl power plant, the site of the world's worst nuclear disaster, as troops advance on the capital, Kyiv. What do you think?

Putin's gonna be pissed once he finds out it doesn't work anymore.


Vaughn Honig

How is Ukraine supposed to fight a war without a pit of nuclear waste?


Cheryl Motek

Man, I swear that place is cursed or something.


Julian Ganz

U.S. Eagles Have Chronic Lead Poisoning From Bullets

A new study has found that nearly half of golden and bald eagles in the U.S. have chronic lead poisoning from scavenging the remains of hunted animals that contain lead fragments from bullets, stunting their once-revived population growth. What do you think?

Just out of curiosity—no need for alarm, but what dangers are there if a person has been eating said eagles?


Klaus Saini

If they don't like guns, they can get the hell out of America!


Collette Lundgren

Florida House Passes 'Don't Say Gay' Bill

Florida's House of Representatives passed the controversial Don't Say Gay bill, limiting when and how school staff can discuss gender and sexual orientation in the classroom, which opponents say will make life harder for LGBTQ youth, who already face a higher rate of bullying and risk of suicide than their straight, cisgender peers. What do you think?

At least we can count on Governor DeSantis to do the right thing when it hits his desk.


Norman Sanchez

I didn't realize it was still possible for Florida to take a step backwards.


Mike Caravella

Wow. If we're not careful, this could happen in America, too, one day.


Troy Dahiya

Switzerland Sanctions Russia, Breaking Neutral Status

Switzerland has announced that it will forego its commitment to Swiss neutrality in favor of adopting sanctions against Russia, freezing financial assets of several Russian oligarchs and closing airspace to flights from Russia. What do you think?

I prefer to keep politics out of international relations.


Elisabeth Kofman

It takes a lot of guts to come out and publicly condemn the country everyone else has already condemned.


Lucian Maidre

They could still remain neutral if they impose an equal amount of sanctions on Ukraine as well.


April Caplan

16-Year-Old Beats Chess World Champion Magnus Carlsen In Online Tournament

Rameshbabu Praggnanandhaa, who in 2016 became the youngest international master in history at 10, is now the youngest to beat reigning five-time world chess champion Magnus Carlsen in the online Airthings Masters championship. What do you think?

You telling me he couldn't bully a 16-year-old into resigning?


Nicholas Jusino

He must have gotten him in checkmate. It works every time.


Franklin Scherba

Oh, people lie about their age online all the time.


Mac Vastani

U.S. Governors Order State-Run Liquor Stores To Stop Selling Russian Vodka

The governors of Ohio, New Hampshire, Pennsylvania and Utah have ordered boycotts of Russian-style vodkas, products that account for a tiny fraction of the U.S. vodka market, as a symbolic move to show support for Ukraine after the Russian invasion. What do you think?

In solidarity, I downed all my Russian vodka two weeks ago just in case.


Rodrigo Turner

For the Ukrainian people, I'll black out on Tito's.


Kat Dewitt

Well, everyone knows governors are mostly symbolic leaders anyways.


Genevieve Solis

Pope Grants New Fathers Working At Vatican 3-Day Paternity Leave

Pope Francis has amended the Vatican's family leave policy, which already offers six months of fully paid maternity leave to new mothers, to include a three-day paid paternity leave to new fathers who work at the Vatican. What do you think?

But no one had paid paternity leave in the Bible.


Sean Hull

Sure, most of fatherhood can be accomplished over a long weekend.


Luke Christopherson

Why did they tell their employees about sex in the first place?


Nathan Krajewski

Trucker Convoy Protest In D.C. Seen As Flop After No One Shows Up

A trucker rally, modeled after recent demonstrations in Canada to protest Covid mandates, took place in Washington, D.C. during the president's State of the Union address Tuesday but failed to bring the thousands of attendees the organizers expected, with only a handful of people present. What do you think?

I'm shocked an anti-vaxx group made an inaccurate estimate.


Marcus Roche

They were probably worried about catching Covid.


Simon Parks

Ukrainian Sailor Attempts To Sink Russian Oligarch's Superyacht

A Ukrainian sailor has been arrested in Mallorca after attempting to sink a $6.6 million yacht owned by his employer, a Russian CEO of an arms exporter, as revenge after seeing footage of a Russian rocket attack on a block of apartments in his hometown of Kyiv. What do you think?

Scary. If they'll sink an oligarch's superyacht today, they'll sink your superyacht tomorrow.


Antonio Hawley

I don't think anyone even needs a reason to sink a superyacht?


Emilia Burge

One sunken yacht for one rocket attack seems fair.


Jennifer Ponarul

Montana Governor Kills Mountain Lion Being Monitored By National Parks Staff

The governor of Montana, Greg Gianforte, shot and killed a mountain lion that was being monitored by Yellowstone National Park staff, his second such hunt of a monitored animal that ventured outside the protected areas of the park. What do you think?

Seems like the lion's to blame for ignoring the clearly marked boundaries of the park.


Cole Laird

Can't we have a normal governor who just kills prisoners?


Micah Urbaniak

This is exactly why we need to make it easier for mountain lions to obtain guns.


Janice Kadue

Jan. 6 Committee: Evidence Trump Engaged In 'Criminal Conspiracy'

The House select committee investigating the Jan. 6 Capitol riot has alleged in a court filing that former President Trump and a right-wing lawyer were part of a criminal conspiracy to overturn the 2020 presidential election. What do you think?

If you think that's bad, you should see what they're doing to deny votes legally.


Bruce Weinberg

If the president was involved, there's no telling how high this thing goes.


Scott Lavin

Since when has having cold hard evidence ever helped secure the outcome of an investigation?


Brandon Markis

Fitbit Recalls Over One Million Ionic Smartwatches Over Burn Injury Risk

Google-owned Fitbit has recalled more than a million of its Ionic smartwatches after receiving almost 200 reports of overheating batteries causing burn injuries. What do you think?

Oh, great, another thing for Fitbit users to go on and on about.


Britt-Marie Banks

Ignore it. Keep pushing. You've got this!


Jasper Catlin

I thought smart watches only injured the people who made them.


Susan Moelleken

Kanye West Video Depicts Him Killing Pete Davidson

Ye, formerly Kanye West, has released an animated music video for the song Eazy in which a claymation version of him kidnaps another character resembling Pete Davidson, his ex-wife Kim Kardashian's current boyfriend, and buries him alive. What do you think?

I don't know why Kim would leave a man so in touch with his emotions.


Robbie Perine

I didn't care for The King Of Staten Island, either.


Keith Hodges

I think this is actually a subtle metaphor for Kanye wanting to kill Pete.


Agatha Melero

Netflix's 'The Crown', 'Lupin' Sets Robbed Of $500K In Props, Equipment

Netflix has been the victim of two big on-set robberies in the space of two days, with thieves stealing $200,000 worth of props from The Crown and $330,000 worth of equipment from the set of Lupin in Paris. What do you think?

I wonder what kind of prestige miniseries the robbers are working on.


Charles Kirby

Yet another reason to buy premade shows from South Korea.


Austin Stensjo

I think I have some leftover gaffer's tape lying around, if it helps.


Regina McGann

Gas Prices In U.S. Hit Record High At $4.17 Per Gallon

The national average price of gas has hit a record $4.17 per gallon as President Biden announced a ban on Russian oil, natural gas, and coal imports in response to the country's invasion of Ukraine. What do you think?

This is why I always make sure to wring out the pump to get every last drop.


Fredrik Lafferty

If you get enough DUIs, you'll never have to worry about the price of gas ever again.


Lamont Jones

Whoa, whoa, whoa, no one said anything about this war affecting me in the slightest.


Kenneth Yudin

Florida Researchers Building Machine To Test Future Of Mega Hurricanes

Florida researchers are building a $12.8 million hurricane simulator to study the disastrous effects of hurricanes on U.S. infrastructure in a hangar-sized chamber able to recreate storm surges and winds of up to 200 mph to prepare for worsening conditions due to climate change. What do you think?

Will it be part of Disney World or Universal Studios?


Xena Taylor

I prefer to be surprised by a hurricane's level of destruction.


August Nisbet

McDonald's, Starbucks Leaving Russia

McDonald's and Starbucks are shutting down their restaurants and cafés in Russia, and Coca-Cola is suspending its operations there in response to Russia's invasion of Ukraine. What do you think?

I'm glad these corporations are limiting the number of countries where they're exploiting workers.


Jared Gradwell

McDonald's, Starbucks Leaving Russia

Service at the Yekaterinburg Starbucks was hit or miss anyways.


Cindy Kerr

McDonald's, Starbucks Leaving Russia

It's a dark day when not even multinational corporations can bring us together.


Ishena Haider

Governor Signs Legislation Making College Tuition-Free

Gov. Michelle Lujan Grisham (D-NM) has signed the New Mexico Opportunity Scholarship Act, which waives tuition for students attending any in-state public school or tribal college, including community colleges. What do you think?

Hopefully a few people get to take advantage before the Supreme Court strikes it down.


Carlos Lecaque

That's fine, I have plenty of other sources of debt.


Lucy Chanona

Actresses Up For Madonna Biopic Must Do 'Grueling' Boot Camp

Contenders in the running to play Madonna in a new biopic directed and cowritten by the performer are facing grueling training to land the part, which includes putting in 11-hour days working with Madonna's choreographer. What do you think?

Anything for a shot at Madonna later saying she regretted casting you.


Shaun Busby

On the bright side, everyone who doesn't get the part can learn new traumas.


Rogerio Glencross

It can't be that hard to find a young woman who lives up to Madonna's memory of herself.


Hank Doleac

Giant Parachuting Spiders Expected To Blanket East Coast

According to researchers, a large, invasive species of spider native to Japan called Joros are expected to colonize the entire East Coast this spring, partly due to the arachnid's ability to survive colder temperatures and travel up to 100 miles through the wind by forming parachutes out of their webs. What do you think?

Another bunch of elitists too good for Middle America.


Valerie Kirwin

Nature should stay on the ground where it belongs.


Margot Howard

Study: Even Mild Covid Linked To Brain Shrinkage, Cognitive Decline

A new study out of England has found that even mild cases of Covid-19 are associated with subtle tissue damage, accelerated losses in brain regions tied to the sense of smell, and a slower ability to process information. What do you think?

Yeah, my parahippocampal gyrus has been feeling a little off.


Antwon Beaumont

No worries, I was already stupid before this.


Greg Silverton

Whew, I'm glad I got it before this study came out.


Kenji Gridneff

U.S. Man Caught Smuggling 52 Lizards And Snakes At Mexico Border

Authorities have arrested an American man at the U.S.-Mexico border trying to sneak nine snakes and 43 horned lizards into the country, with the animals tied up in small bags concealed in the man's jacket, pants pockets, and groin area. What do you think?

Maybe he just wanted some company for the long drive.


Aurelia Pascucci

They should come the legal way like everyone else.


Ty McMurtrie

The lizards and snakes should have hired a better smuggler.


Paul Schwein

Facebook To Permit Posts Calling For Violence Against Russia, Death Of Putin

According to leaked emails, Meta will temporarily change its hate speech policy to allow Facebook and Instagram users in some countries to call for violence against Russians and the death of Vladimir Putin in the context of the Ukraine invasion. What do you think?

Okay, but once my husband's great-aunt puts the call out, there's no turning back.


Viktor Bauer

Yet I still can't tell my boss to kill himself.


Joy Vermillion

Let's hope someone very powerful is killing time online.


Holly Jedeed

Hidden Valley Unveils 2-Carat Lab-Grown Diamond Made From Ranch Seasoning

Salad dressing maker Hidden Valley had a lab-grown two-carat diamond made out of ranch seasoning to celebrate National Ranch Day, with the seasoning heated to 2,500 degrees celsius and crushed under 400 tons of pressure to create the stone, which will be auctioned off. What do you think?

We'll see how it performs in a blind taste test with De Beers.


Marc Windsor

Call me when they make a salad dressing out of diamonds.


Daniel Strauss

Good thing I'm used to spending three months' salary on ranch.


Colin Sweeney

Tom Brady Cancels Retirement After 2 Months

NFL quarterback Tom Brady said he will return to the Tampa Bay Buccaneers just two months after announcing his retirement, saying his place is still on the field. What do you think?

Nice. Is he going to play football, too?


Gary Kearns

Look, his money problems are his business.


Aileen Lunt

Looks like I've got a follow-up tattoo appointment to schedule.


Daryl Gleeson

Squatters Occupy London Mansion Owned By Russian Oligarch

Squatters have occupied the London mansion of a Russian oligarch sanctioned by the British government, displaying a sign saying this property has been liberated and calling for the seven-bedroom mansion to be made available to Ukrainian refugees. What do you think?

Speaking of hostile wealthy elites, anyone occupying Buckingham Palace?


Aiden Bailie

How much are they going to charge the refugees for rent?


Angelica Goyette

Only seven bedrooms? He's not much of an oligarch.


Scarlet Camhi

Elon Musk Challenges Vladimir Putin To 'Single Combat' For Ukraine

SpaceX and Tesla founder Elon Musk has challenged Russian president Vladimir Putin to a single combat fight for the fate of Ukraine in a tweet directed at the Kremlin's official account. What do you think?

Interesting. Usually he only threatens the safety of his employees and customers.


Joseph Radz

There's no reason for this to turn violent.


Drew Syme

Finally, someone willing to support Ukraine on social media.


Desmond Baxter

Asteroid Impacts Earth 2 Hours After Being Discovered

A 10-foot-wide asteroid recently struck the Earth north of Iceland within hours of its discovery by astronomers, generating a blast equal to3,000 tons of exploding TNT and making it only the fifth asteroid ever observed in space before striking the Earth. What do you think?

Thank God we decided to put the Arctic Sea there.


Carlos Groetzinger

Yikes, any bigger and it could have wiped out the dinosaurs again.


Rachel Coleman

I can recognize a warning shot when I see one.


Kevin Gebhardt

U.S. Senate Approves Bill To Make Daylight Saving Time Permanent

The U.S. Senate has unanimously passed a measure that would make daylight saving time permanent starting in 2023, ending the twice-annual changing of clocks in a move promoted by supporters advocating brighter afternoons and more economic activity. What do you think?

Never bet against America in a battle against a low-priority inconvenience.


Marsha Leith

Good. Clocks have enough to worry about as it is.


Patrick Swan

And yet my representative won't answer my letters about eliminating February.


Ernest Flores

Pete Davidson To Join Next Blue Origin Space Flight

Saturday Night Live actor Pete Davidson will travel to the edge of space next week on Blue Origin's New Shepard rocket, making it the company's fourth spaceflight with human passengers. What do you think?

But Kenan Thompson gets so much more screen time.


Sharron Moore

I miss the good old days when we'd send up terrified dogs and monkeys.


Steven Levitsky

Sure, why shouldn't he get to enjoy life for once?


Jenny Miletti

WNBA Star's Detention In Russia Extended Until May

A Moscow court is extending WNBA star Brittney Griner's arrest until May 19. The detention, which is reportedly due to cannabis oil found in the basketball player's luggage, comes amid increased tension between the U.S. and Russia over the Kremlin's invasion of Ukraine. What do you think?

We're the only ones who are supposed to punish black athletes for having cannabis.


Dustin Riley

Hopefully by May, Russia will have completely changed how it feels towards the U.S.


Dennis Gowdy

It's nice to see the media cover women's basketball.


Spencer Faust

Guinness World Records Rules Giant New Zealand Potato Not Actually Potato

Guinness World Records ruled that a large growth found in a New Zealand couple's garden is not in fact a giant potato, but rather the tuber of a type of gourd. What do you think?

This is why farming should be left to multinational corporations.


Josue Fernandez

Let's not anger the giant gourd by revoking its potato status.


Nasir Ullah

Eventually, all your heroes will let you down.


Lauren Rao

Chicago Police Department Lowers Hiring Standards Amid Staffing Shortages

The Chicago Police Department is lowering hiring standards for new recruits by dropping the college credit requirement for some candidates, as the agency continues to face staffing shortages related to Covid as well as a local and national reckoning with policing. What do you think?

Do I need to have a history of assault, or can I learn that on the job?


Mark Hilden

You'd think carnage with impunity would be enough of a draw.


Rohan Singh

I'd still feel more comfortable if the guy shooting me for loitering had a BA.


Julie Duncan

Tokyo Schools Drop Dress Code Rules Regulating Hair And Underwear Color

Tokyo school officials announced they will drop controversial dress code policies for high school students, including those regulating hairstyles and underwear color and patterns. What do you think?

Good. As a parent of a high school junior, it's my job to pick his underwear.


Anton Macholtz

Sorry, but no teenager has the right to express themselves.


Carlos Valerio

These kids are going to be so disappointed when they realize that wearing different-colored underwear doesn't just magically make all of their problems go away.


Scott Renton

Clarence Thomas Hospitalized With Flu-Like Symptoms

Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas was admitted to the Sibley Memorial Hospital in Washington where he is being treated for an infection. Court officials said he plans to still take part in cases despite missing oral arguments. What do you think?

The founders did intend for Americans to die from easily preventable disease.


Debbie Ellis

Societal regression doesn't take sick days.


Bruno Erosa

David Beckham Hands Over Instagram Account To Ukrainian Doctor

Soccer star David Beckham has handed over control of his Instagram account to a doctor in Ukraine as part of a bid to highlight the amazing work of medical professionals caring for patients amid Russia's invasion. What do you think?


Susan Simpkins

Sad that it took a war for him to lend his Instagram account to a Ukrainian doctor.


Sean Thorson

So what? Most celebrities have someone who isn't them running their social media accounts.


Joel Dessain

U.S. Declares Myanmar Committed Genocide Against Rohingya

The Biden administration has formally declared that Myanmar's military committed genocide and crimes against humanity against the Rohingya, a determination that human rights groups have been advocating for years. What do you think?

Let this be a message to the world: The U.S. will not stand for genocide after a five- to six-year senate investigation.


Deedee Shissler

Why is everyone so obsessed with labels these days?


Denis Rickerby

You see? With just four years of tireless lobbying, there's no press release we can't accomplish.


Jeremy Pelt

Match Launches Dating App For Single Parents

Match rolled out a new service called Stir that aims to remove barriers to dating and meet the specific needs of single parents that aren't typically addressed on mainstream dating apps. What do you think?

I'm not sure companionship and happiness is right for parents.


Carmen Musso

What if you're a single parent who wants no part of someone else's dumb kids?


Sheldon Hubbs

There's nothing more romantic than rigid scheduling.


Mason Seratta

Workers Repairing Notre Dame Discover Ancient Tombs

Archaeologists working on Paris' Notre Dame cathedral following its devastating fire in 2019 discovered several tombs under the floor of the famous church that likely date back to the 14th century. What do you think?

Wow, what are the odds of finding dead bodies underground?


Herb Palmisciano

I had no idea they had corpses in the 14th century.


Liana Dalakas

Kid Rock Claims Trump Sought His Advice On North Korea, Islamic State

Music performer Kid Rock has claimed in a recent interview that former President Donald Trump asked him for advice about U.S. policy on North Korea and the Islamic State while visiting the White House in 2017. What do you think?

To be fair, Kid Rock is a survivor of the horrific violence of Woodstock '99.


Larry Mazucca

It's inspiring to see a president heeding lessons from the arts.


Delon Heidersheidt

I think it shows strength to talk to a friend about the problems you're dealing with.


Alanna Lindner

Goldman Sachs CEO To DJ At Lollapalooza

Lollapalooza has announced this year's music festival lineup, which includes a performance by 60-year-old Goldman Sachs CEO David Solomon, who is a dance music DJ outside his day job. What do you think?

When I bought that expensive concert ticket, I didn't realize I was supporting a large corporation.


Gerald Casler

Goldman Sachs CEO To DJ At Lollapalooza


Ian Sampson

Goldman Sachs CEO To DJ At Lollapalooza

So he gets to generate record profits while millions of Americans lose their homes and life savings due to Lollapalooza ticket prices.


Esther Scott

Uber Will List All NYC Taxis In App

Uber has announced it will partner with NYC taxis to list the city's 13,000 yellow cabs on its app in a deal between the two competing services that comes after the ride-sharing company was hit with driver shortages due to the pandemic. What do you think?

Everyone knows the best part of Uber is seeing what wack-ass car rolls up to your apartment.


David Kwan

Uber Will List All NYC Taxis In App

It'll be nice to have more options for who'll ask me if I have a boyfriend.


Brad Tokariuk

Uber Will List All NYC Taxis In App

It's always good to have power concentrated into a single company.


Analisa Posadas

Putin: J.K. Rowling And Russia Victims Of Western 'Cancel Culture'

Russian president Vladimir Putin delivered a TV address in which he claimed the west is trying to cancel his country, comparing the cultural boycott against Russia to J.K. Rowling being canceled for her opinions on transgender people. What do you think?

I fear that if we alienate Putin by canceling him, he may turn to extremism.


Iggy Kaehne

Honestly, I think in spite of everything that's been said and done, Putin will still have a career in young adult fiction after this.


Simon Brelin

This is tough on me, a person who grew up on Putin's books.


Shane Thurman

Microplastics Found In Human Blood For First Time

Scientists have detected microplastic pollution in human blood for the first time in a study that found the tiny particles in almost 80% of the people tested, showing that the particles can travel around the body and may lodge in organs. What do you think?

I know, I know, I've been trying to quit.


Albertina Swartz

Man, I would have cared more about pollution if I'd known it could affect me personally.


Owen Bhaskar

Hey, if plastic can find a way to survive a body like mine, more power to it.


Sean Sanquist

Venice Hotel Guests Issued Water Guns To Shoot Gulls

Hoteliers in Venice are supplying tourists with water guns to help ward off aggressive seagulls that have become increasingly bold in swooping down to steal food as visitors dine on hotel terraces. What do you think?

If we resort to violence, we're no better than birds.


Christa Lusetich

This just sends the message that they're afraid to use live rounds.


Mario Galasso

I find a lot of things will keep their distance if you start shooting at them.


Eddie Mosychuk

Taylor Swift To Receive Honorary Doctorate From NYU

Taylor Swift will receive an honorary doctorate of fine arts from New York University during a commencement ceremony at Yankee Stadium where she will address graduates of 2022 as well as those unable to have a ceremony due to the pandemic in 2021 and 2020. What do you think?

Further proving that paying for a degree is stupid when you can just be a once-in-a-generation talent and get one for free eventually.


Mel Herrala

The post-college job market is tough enough without having to compete with Taylor Swift.


Kaylyn Johnson

Good for her. It's basically impossible to make it as a country pop singer without a doctorate.


Shantira Bindel

Diners Forced To Quarantine In Hotpot Restaurant

Chinese authorities forced dozens to quarantine overnight in a hotpot restaurant after a Covid-19 case was detected at the location, a measure in accordance with the country's policy for rapid lockdowns and other restrictions whenever clusters emerge. What do you think?

I didn't realize there were parts of the world that still had Covid.


Juan Dommu

How come I always end up quarantined at Del Taco?


Dennis Sassenach

In the U.S., we just assume at least one person is infected at all restaurants.


Rose Pereira

U.S. Doomsday Bunker Company Sees Sales Spike 1,000%

A Texas-based company that sells doomsday bunkers claims that sales have spiked 1,000% for units ranging from $40,000 to a $8.5 million aristocrat bunker that fits up to 44 people after Russia invaded Ukraine. What do you think?

A jacuzzi would really take the sting out of nuclear annihilation.


Gabe Akerlund

I'm just planning to nuclear-winterize our family's place up at the lake.


Benjamin Awosika

I'll just buy a gun and take someone else's bunker when the time comes.


DJ Feher

Republican Retracts False Claims Schools Providing Litter Boxes For Furries

Nebraska state lawmaker Bruce Bostelman has apologized after citing a debunked rumor that schools are accommodating children who self-identify as cats by placing litter boxes in bathrooms. What do you think?


Mike Balloch

There's no way our public schools would have had the funds to provide litter boxes.


Rebecca Kamensek

Too late. I already told everyone on Facebook.


Zach Gurley

Facebook Paid GOP Strategy Firm For Anti-TikTok Campaign

According to reports, Meta, Facebook's parent company, hired a Republican consulting firm called Targeted Victory to orchestrate a nationwide campaign to sway public opinion against TikTok, planting negative news stories and op-eds around the country. What do you think?

If there's a company that knows how to destroy a social media platform, it's Facebook.


Alberto Hackner

I never thought Facebook would be involved in the spread of Republican misinformation.


Alison Schneider

I wondered why everyone was talking all of a sudden about a wildly popular app.


Saul Tipper

23,000 Mail Ballots Rejected In Texas Primary

A new report shows that Texas threw out mail votes at an abnormally high rate during the nation's first primary of 2022, rejecting nearly 23,000 ballots outright under tougher voting rules, with the rejection rate higher in counties that lean Democratic (15%) than Republican (9.1%). What do you think?

If you don't get tough on voter fraud, it could one day actually exist.


Angela McGraw

Here's hoping they caught one or two fraudulent ballots in there.


Duncan Bonanos

Texas Democrats do share some of the blame for expecting a fair democratic process.


Francis Loncaric

U.S. To Issue Gender-Neutral Passports Starting April

The State Department has announced that U.S. citizens will be able to select the gender-neutral X as a marker on their passport books starting April 11 in a move recognizing nonbinary and intersex Americans who are estimated to make up 1.2 million and 4 million people, respectively. What do you think?

It's good we can affirm gender identity on the document they'll use to flee American oppression.


Jodi Stokes

Nothing says 'you are seen' quite like a big 'X'.


Ross Lopez

Next thing you know, everyone's passports will have different pictures on them.


Chloe Eichler

D.C. Police Find 5 Fetuses In Home Of Anti-Abortion Activist

Washington, D.C. officers discovered five fetuses inside the basement apartment of an anti-abortion activist who was also recently indicted on federal charges for blocking access to a reproductive health center. What do you think?

Their parents must have been worried sick!


Van Sharkovitz

You always want a few extras on hand for emergencies.


Chris Mattatal

Smart. Once abortions are banned, fetuses will be worth a fortune.


Mina Bezek

Amazon Workers Win Battle To Form First U.S. Union

Amazon workers at a Staten Island, NY processing facility have won a historic vote to form the first-ever collective bargaining unit at the e-commerce giant, despite months of an aggressive anti-union campaign run by the company. What do you think?

This is sadder news than when David defeated the mighty and generous Goliath.


Glen Brigham

Great, now prices are going to skyrocket just so Amazon can pay some slacker to take a bathroom break.


Zachariah Stanton

Wait, the boxes go fast because of people?


Jack Hernandez

Elon Musk Becomes Largest Twitter Shareholder

Tesla CEO Elon Musk bought a 9% stake in Twitter to become its largest shareholder, just before raising questions about the social media platform's dedication to free speech and the First Amendment. What do you think?


Sara Melville

I hope this doesn't attract other toxic people to the site.


Harvey Fantomas

What kind of idiot would pay for Twitter?


Laila Pinkard

Study: Fox News' Viewers Changed Attitudes After Being Paid To Watch CNN For 30 Days

A new study found that Fox News viewers who were paid to watch CNN for 30 days became more skeptical and less likely to believe fake news, noting changes in attitudes and policy preferences about Covid-19 and evaluations of Republican candidates and elected officials. What do you think?

You see, people can change if you pay them enough.


Joe Guster

If you forced me to watch CNN for 30 days, I'd say anything to make it stop.


Derill Landgraf

If there's one thing that'll win over Fox News viewers, it's a scientific study.


Aaron Westfield

Ancient 'Killing Stone' Said To Contain Evil Demon Has Cracked Open

A slab of volcanic rock north of Tokyo, known as Sessho-seki or killing stone, was recently discovered split into two, sparking fear among some locals because the 6-ft by 26-ft stone is linked to a Japanese myth that suggests it contains an evil nine-tailed fox demon. What do you think?


Frank Blansten

It's scary to think that evil could finally be released into the world.


Kerry Ritferd

I think everything will be fine if we just rename the stone.


Yvonne Cox

Tennessee GOP Adds Age Requirement To Marriage Bill After Backlash

Republicans in Tennessee have amended a bill that would establish an alternative form of marriage, primarily meant to create a class of common-law marriage that would be limited to heterosexual people, to include age limits after a week of backlash. What do you think?

Those wedding receptions would have sucked anyway.


Hiru Tessmann

Well, there goes the one alternative that would have made me believe in the institution of marriage.


Brett Fornah

If you can enlist in the army at 18, why aren't you also mature enough to legally marry a 12-year-old?


Kelli Dalton

Native American Tribe Reaquires Land After Being Displaced For Over 350 Years

The Rappahannock tribe, a native tribe in Virginia, has reacquired 465 acres of their ancestral home that English settlers displaced them from in the 1660s, the purchase made possible by donors and grants as part of a growing movement of indigenous peoples fighting to reclaim their land. What do you think?

They shouldn't have waited 350 years to tell us it was theirs.


Charlie Oslowski

We'll just see what the King of England has to say about this.


Manny Buecker

So my ancestors' violence was for nothing?


Trevor Samuelson

Man In Germany Gets 90 Covid Vaccine Shots To Sell Forged Passes

A 60-year-old man in Germany was caught after allegedly being vaccinated for Covid as many as 90 times in order to obtain vaccination cards with real batch numbers and sell them to people who did not want to receive the immunization themselves. What do you think?

It's amazing the nurse was able to find a spot not covered by a bandage.


Lisa Panko

Okay, but he should still get the booster.


Ronny Trivino

Costumed Characters Will Be Able To Start Hugging Again At Disney Parks

Disney has announced that visitors at Walt Disney World and Disneyland will be permitted to interact with, hug, and get autographs from costumed characters again starting in mid-April, after the traditional greetings were put on hold two years ago due to the pandemic. What do you think?

That's wonderful. My child would love to know what a hug feels like.


Tucker Milewski

Sure, but Times Square costumed characters will slap your ass for free.


Virginia Onelani

I'd love to have a professional take over in that area.


Hubert Callis

Wind Energy Company Pleads Guilty After Killing 150 Bald Eagles

Wind farm operator ESI Energy has been sentenced to probation and ordered to pay more than $8 million in fines and restitution for at least 150 eagles that were killed by its turbine blades over the past decade. What do you think?

Meanwhile, zero eagles have died in a coal mine collapse.


Antoine Murphy

Can't they just build wind turbines indoors?


Inez Stinson

At some point we have to start holding birds accountable for their own actions.


Jenn Eckhart

U.N. Suspends Russia From Human Rights Council

The United Nations General Assembly voted to suspend Russia from the U.N. Human Rights Council, with 93 countries in favor, 24 against, and 58 abstentions, after high-profile allegations were made of atrocities committed by Russian soldiers during the war in Ukraine. What do you think?

Think of all the Ukrainian lives this will save.


Gene Campos

A more effective punishment would be to make Russia stay after for even more Human Rights Council.


Terry Hall

Russia Taps New General To Oversee Ukraine Invasion

U.S. officials confirmed that General Aleksandr V. Dvornikov, who has been accused of committing war crimes in Syria, will now lead Russian forces in Ukraine, which up until now had no central war commander. What do you think?

I was thinking their atrocities had seemed a bit amateurish.


James Pectol

It's great they were able to find someone with prior experience committing war crimes.


Alyssa King

Mattel Releases First Carbon-Neutral Toys

Mattel has released its first-ever carbon-neutral toys, starting with Mega Bloks Green Town for preschoolers, as part of an effort to use 100% recycled, recyclable, or bio-based plastic materials in all its products and packaging by 2030. What do you think?

The children who make these must be so proud.


Jim Noyola

I've been composting my Barbies for years.


Shaun Angly

At least now my kid will choke on something that's helping the environment.


Gabe Konicek

Jack White Gets Married Onstage After Surprise Proposal

Guitarist Jack White surprised fans by proposing to and marrying fellow musician Olivia Jean live onstage during a Detroit homecoming show. What do you think?


Dominic King

Suddenly the guy who brought a Crate & Barrel cookware set to the show doesn't look so crazy.


Marta Solano

Now I feel bad for not inviting Jack White to my wedding.


Daniel Velázquez

Boris Johnson Fined By U.K. Police For Lockdown Parties

London's Metropolitan Police have issued a fine against Prime Minister Boris Johnson following national outrage over lockdown parties held at government offices during the height of the pandemic when the country was under strict stay-at-home orders. What do you think?

They must have been pretty good parties if somebody called the cops.


Randy Kremen

Yeah, it sucks to not get invited to the party.


Allison Erbeck

If he'd known the law applied to him, he never would have passed it.


Bruce Slayton

Missing Charles Darwin Notebooks Returned With Mysterious Note

A set of rare notebooks filled with notes by Charles Darwin have been anonymously returned to the University of Cambridge, over 20 years after they were initially reported missing, with a note reading Librarian, Happy Easter X. What do you think?

Now we can find out what Darwin really thought about those finches.


Andrew Davis

I'm just glad somebody's going to the library.


Brook MacDougall

Can I avoid late fees too if I leave an enigmatic note?


Peter Lawler

Experts Recommend All Children Over 8 Be Screened For Anxiety

A leading panel of experts recommended for the first time that all children ages 8 to 18 should be screened for anxiety, prompted by the worsening state of mental health among children particularly during the pandemic. What do you think?

I think my gifted 6-year-old should be screened, too.


Brent Scanlon

Are you saying there's something wrong with the way I'm raising my kid?


Tim Bialek

Woman Admits To Faking 2016 Kidnapping

Sherri Papini, a California mother charged with lying about a 2016 abduction that set off a nationwide search, admitted that her story about being kidnapped was fake, saying that she would spend the rest of her life trying to make amends. What do you think?

This makes it harder for real kidnappers to earn the public's trust.


Kimberly Carol

Woman Admits To Faking 2016 Kidnapping

So you're saying no one would go looking for her if, say, it were to happen again?


Buck Pool

Woman Admits To Faking 2016 Kidnapping

Forgiveness starts with getting abducted for real.


Lou Bradford

GOP Withdraws From Presidential Debate Panel

The Republican National Committee voted to withdraw from the commission responsible for organizing presidential debates, taking cues from former President Trump, who has repeatedly leveled accusations of anti-Republican bias against the group. What do you think?

Honestly, two points of view was too much to keep track of anyway.


Tara White

I'd hate to be the one to break it to Trump that this means less time on television.


David Lindstrom

Debates have always been way too oppositional.


Andrew Noben

Kim Gives Luxury Home To North Korea's Most Famous Newscaster

Kim Jong-un has given luxurious new residences to North Korean elites including Ri Chun-hee, the country's most famous state TV anchor, a move seemingly intended to boost loyalty as the leader grapples with the pandemic and a troubled economy. What do you think?

That would never work on me, unless the house had a pool.


Eduardo Guerrero

In this economy, you'd be foolish to not take a house from a dictator.


Jen Subias

It's heartwarming to see a government that actually cares about journalists.


Melissa Tiels

FDA Authorizes First Covid-19 Breath Test

The Food and Drug Administration granted emergency use authorization to the first Covid-19 test that can use breath samples to detect the coronavirus within a few minutes and with a high degree of accuracy. What do you think?

I still might shove it up a nostril just for fun.


Elias Woolsey

Ugh, I always get queasy when I get my breath drawn.


Brett Layne

Thank God, I'm so tired of doing these tests analy.


Isaac Leibert

Federal Judge Overturns CDC Mask Mandate For Planes, Public Transit

A federal judge in Florida has voided the national mask mandate covering airplanes and other public transportation as exceeding the authority of U.S. health officials, a ruling that comes a week after the CDC extended the mandate to counter the recent rise in Covid infections. What do you think?

This is why I prefer to do my international traveling by rowboat.


Louise Wilson

Good, everyone needs to do their part to keep the pandemic afloat.


Bernie Tropp

I should double-check the mask regulations for my car.


Gene Brassler

Prince Harry, Meghan Visit Queen For First Time Since Giving Up Royal Titles

Prince Harry and his wife Meghan visited Queen Elizabeth II at Windsor Castle on their first joint visit to the U.K. since they gave up formal royal roles and moved to the U.S. more than two years ago. What do you think?

Best to get on her good side now in case she has some money stashed away.


Rudy Cormier

So sad how she had her memories of them completely wiped when they exited the family.


Darren Teig

Judge Approves Effort To Remove Marjorie Taylor Greene From Ballot

A judge has ruled the lawsuit challenging Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene's qualifications to run for reelection can proceed, which alleges that she violated the 14th Amendment by engaging in obstructing the transfer of presidential power. What do you think?

Her fate must be decided by the constituents who saw no problem with her in the first place.


Paula Rackley

I hope this lawsuit can reveal to us what she really said on national television.


Robert Paiella

It's important that Congress reassure Americans that the Constitution still kind of matters.


Logan Dreyfuss

Florida Rejects Dozens Of Math Textbooks Over Critical Race Theory

Florida's education department has rejected 54 mathematics textbooks from next year's school curriculum, with 21% of the books banned for allegedly referencing critical race theory and other prohibited topics. What do you think?

Good thing they caught this before any child learned something.


Ryan Oma

Makes sense. Numbers are from the Middle East.


Lorena Polnareff

I'd be more concerned if I believed they were gonna remember anything at all from school.


Seth McMorrow

FDA Investigating Reports Of Illness From Lucky Charms

The FDA is investigating breakfast cereal Lucky Charms after receiving more than 100 claims over the last year that the cereal made consumers sick, while an additional 3,000 people have posted complaints about the cereal on the food safety website, iwaspoisoned.com. What do you think?

Lucky Charms is a lot stronger these days than it was 20 years ago.


Cecily Theis

I hope they resolve this before I have to start feeding my kid something healthy.


Christopher Brower

Twitter, Enemy Of First Amendment Rights, Permanently Bans The Onion

Twitter has permanently banned America's most prestigious news publication, The Onion, in a huge overreach of power that encroaches on the mass media company's first amendment rights, which critics are calling the beginning of the end for journalistic freedoms in the U.S. at the hands of brutal social media tyrants. What do you think?

I understand Twitter's impulse to muzzle the greatest threat to their power.


Cora Knight

This is the angriest I've been since two days ago, when I was also very angry!


Austin Ghitis

This sucks, but I'm sure as fuck not typing out a whole URL.


Chantal Pasha

Florida House Passes Bill Stripping Disney Of Self-Governing Status

The Florida state legislature passed a bill seeking to dissolve a special district that allows the Walt Disney Company to act as its own government within the outer limits of Orange and Osceola counties after the company voiced its opposition of the Don't Say Gay law. What do you think?

You can always rely on the Republican party to reign in corporate power.


P.J. Mazibuko

I thought the U.S. government only destroyed sovereign nations overseas.


Wallace Crimarco

This is pointless. Mickey Mouse isn't subject to the laws of man or God.


Deb Thurlow

Netflix Loses 200,000 Subscribers In First Part Of 2022

Netflix has reported losing subscribers for the first time in more than a decade, citing password sharing and recently suspending its service in Russia for the loss of 200,000 subscriptions. What do you think?

I didn't think season two of Bridgerton was that bad.


Scott Karasik

Don't look at me, I only gave out my password to 50,000 people.


Dwayne Uhlfelder

Nothing another god-awful Adam Sandler movie can't fix.


Arlo Bennett

Woman Rescued After Falling Into Outhouse Toilet Trying To Get Phone

A woman who was hiking in a national forest in Washington state accidentally dropped her phone into the hole of a vault toilet and fell in while trying to retrieve it, where she was trapped for an hour before being rescued by firefighters. What do you think?

She'll probably think twice before dropping something again.


Cody Wang

She can probably fix that by sitting in a giant bag of rice overnight.


Leticia Bankman

At least she had her phone for that hour.


Tyler Phinbow

Russia Test-Fires New Nuclear-Capable Missile

Russia announced that it test-fired a new intercontinental ballistic missile in a move that President Vladimir Putin said would give the U.S. and its allies something to think about as the conflict in Ukraine intensifies. What do you think?

Passive-aggressive people are the worst.


Nyasha Bower

If only there were prior examples of nuclear tensions between Russia and the U.S. that we could look to for guidance.


Dylan Schacter

If Russia keeps this up, the U.S. may be forced to withhold more movie releases.