Marion Flack

Light Exposure Could Help With Jet Lag

Scientists have found that exposing a sleeping person to bursts of flashing light can trick their brain into adjusting its circadian rhythm, a potential breakthrough in combatting jet lag. What do you think?

The inconveniences of business travelers are among the most pressing issues we face as a nation today.


Justin Dooley

Light Exposure Could Help With Jet Lag

This sounds promising, but I'm worried that there will be hell to pay if my brain figures out I'm trying to trick it.


Aidan Olsted

Light Exposure Could Help With Jet Lag

Jet lag has never been a problem for me. I always feel fine after three or four days.


Katherine Hesse

Romantic Comedies Normalize Stalker Behavior

A new study found that women who watched romantic comedies involving stalker behaviors, such as There's Something About Mary, were more likely to tolerate such behaviors in their own relationships. What do you think?


Dugan Amend

You can't expect the public to watch a movie that portrays men accurately.


Emmett O'Leary

A woman with both a sense of humor and a taste for danger is pretty much the full package.


Brennan Fillipitch

Neanderthal DNA Linked To Modern Disorders

A study of the Neanderthal DNA that survives within the human genome found that our ancient ancestors' genes are responsible for addiction and depression in modern humans. What do you think?

I've always sensed something protohuman about my crankiness.


Dave Gastrone

On the bright side, I have Neanderthal genes to thank for this strong, commanding forehead.


Sandra Gustafson

It's just so much more satisfying to scapegoat the living.


Harold Lemon

Justice Scalia Dies

The death of Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia has led to discussion of his potential replacement, whom President Obama intends to nominate this year despite Mitch McConnell's insistence that they be selected by the next president in 2017. What do you think?

So, what did Obama do after he heard McConnell's idea? Did he go for that?


Lou Ferrell

Justice Scalia Dies

If Obama has any sense of decorum he'll appoint Scalia's eldest son to replace him.


Amanda Shelton

Justice Scalia Dies

I just think it's insensitive to be having this discussion now. Can't it wait until they're all together at the funeral?


Beau Rafferty

Teachers Misinform Students On Climate Change

A recent survey found that many teachers are inadvertently instilling climate change denial in students by suggesting global warming is equally the result of human activities and natural causes. What do you think?

Well, now their colleges will have something useful to teach them.


Adrian Baird

It's so hard for teachers to know what's right, what with the overwhelming abundance of scientists saying the exact same thing.


Gladys Pullman

But surely our students are still being given a proper overview of the Treaty of Tordesillas?


Kenneth Wolz

India Reclassifies Peacock As Vermin

Because the birds create problems for farmers, the Indian state of Goa has reclassified peacocks as vermin in order to make them easier to cull. What do you think?

This is huge news for my poison business.


Candy Reynault

India Reclassifies Peacock As Vermin

Smart move. Reclassification is a time-tested way to justify genocide.


Dale Richter

India Reclassifies Peacock As Vermin

Well, it's nice to know not everything is based on looks.


Logan Trumbull

3D Printer Can Make Human Body Parts

Wake Forest University's 3D bioprinter is combining living cells with a gel substance to print out human body parts such as ears, muscles, and jawbones. What do you think?

Printing out body parts is God's job and no one else's.


Nicholas White

3D Printer Can Make Human Body Parts

There's nothing more satisfying than pressing your cheek against a warm, freshly printed skin graft.


Martha Runion

3D Printer Can Make Human Body Parts

I really just need something that can print out some nice photos of my grandkids.


Selina Murphy

Cat Obesity On The Rise

In response to rising feline obesity, a new study found that a restricted diet led to weight loss in cats and didn't cause them to display any less affection toward their owners. What do you think?

It must be jarring for the cats to have their own ambivalent attitude thrown back in their face like that.


Don Sorel

Cat Obesity On The Rise

Putting your pet on a strict diet is just one more way they prepare you for having children.


Marv Houran

Cat Obesity On The Rise

But wouldn't it be unfair to give my cat less than half of what we hunt together?


Louise Polnar

Meth Found Hidden Inside Bras, Art Supplies

Australian authorities have seized over $900 million worth of methamphetamine smuggled inside gel bra inserts and children's paint-by-number kits. What do you think?

I was wondering why Phoebe's easel cost $15,000.


Chase McCutcheon

A hard prison sentence ought to give these criminals plenty of time to think about better ways to smuggle ice.


Ed Heimer

Thank God. Just think what could happen if Australians had access to methamphetamine.


Bryce Wingham

Sighing A Life-Sustaining Reflex

It's been found that nerve cells within the brain stem regulate our sighing to approximately 12 times per hour, a process that regulates oxygen flow when tiny sacs within the lungs sporadically collapse. What do you think?

What about the many other parts of me that occasionally collapse?


Tony Lynch

Sighing A Life-Sustaining Reflex

That's interesting, but I still want to know why so much hair grows on our heads.


Vera Lohman

Sighing A Life-Sustaining Reflex

Which is better for you, the annoyed or swooning kind?


Jim Kalmus

Millennials Consume The Most Wine

U.S. millennials aged 21 to 38 consumed 159.6 million cases of wine in 2015, or an average of two cases per person, more than any other generation. What do you think?

This is to be expected when an entire generation is raised on 'Sideways.'


Evie Heffernan

Millennials Consume The Most Wine

Who wouldn't want to unwind after a long day of caring about inequality and the environment?


Troy Kassel

Millennials Consume The Most Wine

Ugh, and it's probably wine that they heard about on some podcast.


Brody Weinman

Grated Cheese Found To Contain Wood Pulp

An investigation of several top-selling brands of grated parmesan cheese found that most brands contained double the acceptable amount of wood pulp, or nearly 10 percent of the product's volume. What do you think?

It's not often you find out you've been eating less cheese than you thought.


Felix Agaci

I want to say I'm disgusted by this, but I can't pretend I'm too good to eat a little wood pulp now and then.


Delia Mulligan

Make it yourselves, then! Consumers can't be choosers.


Henry Caffrey

Married Couples Have Similar Immune Systems

A new study found married couples have immune systems 50 percent more similar to one another than to other people, likely because their antibodies adjust to a shared lifestyle. What do you think?


Rick Dubois

That's great! It'll really save on medical bills when my wife goes to the doctor and reports back for both of us.


Stella Armstrong

And yet there's still only one cup included with the Mucinex.


Blake Tierney

Male Students Overestimate Male Classmates

A study of gender bias in the classroom found that male college students consistently overestimated and gave more credit to male classmates than female ones, even when the latter group earned higher grades. What do you think?

Overstating their abilities is just one of the many great skills men have.


Harvey Lund

But think of how exciting it must be when a guy gets that rare chance to be surprised by a woman he's been underestimating this whole time.


Bella Harriman

I hope that's not all that the researchers learned. The first semester should cover way more stuff.


Brady Milton

Jeopardy' Bans Canadian Contestants

TV game show Jeopardy has begun excluding Canadian contestants, citing privacy concerns that remain unclear. What do you think?


Edward Heldgren

Jeopardy' Bans Canadian Contestants

Good. Their adequate school system gives them an unfair edge.


Bonnie Schlosser

Jeopardy' Bans Canadian Contestants

Americans understand that surrendering all privacy is the price of being on TV for 22 minutes.


Moira Flaymoor

Judge Rules Against Kesha In Lawsuit

A New York judge has ruled that pop star Kesha cannot terminate her six-album contract with producer Dr. Luke, whom Kesha claims abused her sexually, physically and emotionally, with the judge explaining, My instinct is to do the commercially reasonable thing. What do you think?

My heart goes out to Sony's PR director during this difficult time.


Rudy Delver

Judge Rules Against Kesha In Lawsuit

I don't see the problem here. Gut instinct is the foundation of the American judicial system.


Mitchell Skarr

Judge Rules Against Kesha In Lawsuit

I'm sure by album six they'll both look back on this and laugh!


Gretchen Koss

NASA Sees Record Number Of Astronaut Applications

NASA has received over 18,000 applications for their astronaut program, three times as many as in the previous hiring round in 2012. What do you think?

Sure, but how many are from third-graders?


Dale Thorp

There's an undeniable appeal to being hurled toward a black abyss on the taxpayer's dime.


Tristan Twomey

If you want a job in this economy, you've got to cast a wide net.


Harold Cassell

Caffeine Bracelet Acts As Coffee Substitute

A silicone bracelet is currently in the works with replaceable patches that release caffeine through the wrist and into the bloodstream. What do you think?

I was just looking for something rote and mechanical that might eliminate the only good part of my morning.


Benjamin Adollis

When did people get too good for popping pills?


Helen Fargas

I'm worried it won't convey a cosmopolitan sense of humor like my mug collection can.


George Knight

Pollution Could Pose Greater Risk For Obesity

A Beijing study found that the effects of heavily polluted air on the city's rat population included greater risk for diabetes and obesity, suggesting humans are similarly affected by pollution. What do you think?

Looks like the science is really stacking up in favor of breathable air.


Nicole Pittman

It's downright shameful that we're only concerned about rat health for purely selfish reasons.


Thad Davidoff

My own rat experiments have produced similar results.


Curtis Dillon

U.S. Students' Toy Boat Washes Ashore In Wales

A fourth-grade class has learned that the toy sailboat they launched off the South Carolina coast in May 2015 has washed ashore in Wales, where officials plan to relaunch it back toward the U.S. What do you think?

Hopefully this amazing story inspires students everywhere to throw more stuff into the ocean.


Tyler Wyckoff

Fools! Now our sailing technology is in the hands of the Welsh!


Lynn Graves

I just don't understand these new core curriculum requirements.


Neal Potash

Most Best Actress Winners Play Wives

A report found that the roles for which women win the Best Actress Academy Award most often have the occupation of wife. What do you think?


Gail Truty

Most Best Actress Winners Play Wives

Aw, but I already read a thing about systemic sexism this week.


Cyrus Blodgett

Most Best Actress Winners Play Wives

Hollywood just needs time to catch up. Women have only held positions outside the home for like 70 years.


Chuck Dibiase

Massachusetts To Establish Rattlesnake Colony

A vacant island in Massachusetts will soon be home to a venomous timber rattlesnake colony so their decimated numbers can thrive in isolation, though nearby inhabitants fear that the snakes will swim ashore and infest residents' homes. What do you think?

I've had it with all these environmentalists who let sound ecological decisions stand in the way of irrational fear.


Lauren Taggart

Give them all the land and resources you want; I just don't see snakes building any sort of sustainable infrastructure.


Griffin Naegel

A private island? Endangered species get all the cushy perks.


Arnie Caran

SeaWorld Admits To Spying On PETA

SeaWorld CEO Joel Manby has admitted that employees of the park were sent undercover to PETA meetings to incite confrontation and illegal action among animal rights activists. What do you think?

Negligent animal care really frees up your time for reconnaissance.


Nora Lufkin

SeaWorld Admits To Spying On PETA

Let's not act like espionage hasn't always been part of the aquatic entertainment game.


Grant Snebb

SeaWorld Admits To Spying On PETA

I bet the mole came back with all kinds of juicy intel, like the fact that PETA doesn't like SeaWorld.


Avery Lakin

Graphic Play Making People Faint

Cleansed, an ongoing play at the National Theatre in London, is causing several audience members to faint in their seats with its vivid depictions of rape, torture, and dismemberment. What do you think?

If I'm going to sit through two hours of grisly violence, I'll see it in IMAX with no intermission.


Elmer Wertz

Graphic Play Making People Faint

Oh, it's no more graphic than that scene in Cats where Grizabella eats her young.


Nolan Landers

Graphic Play Making People Faint

I guess I'm more worried about anyone who gives the show a standing ovation.


Larry Dumphy

Spotlight' Wins Best Picture

The highest honor of the 88th Academy Awards went to Spotlight, a film based on the true story of Boston reporters who uncover the Catholic Church's systemic child abuse. What do you think?

I hope 'Bridge of Spies' wins next year!


Grace Pidwolt

Spotlight' Wins Best Picture

Great. Now a whole generation of kids will grow up with the quixotic dream of becoming Boston Globe reporters.


Norm Selig

Spotlight' Wins Best Picture

Everyone who worked on those other movies must feel so dumb for wasting their time.


Holly Rhine

Justice Thomas Speaks For First Time In Decade

Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas spoke from the bench for the first time this week since February 2006, asking a question in a case on gun ownership rights. What do you think?

So that's why he was clearing his throat for a solid hour.


Wes Jaffe

Good for him! It's inspiring to see a 25-year member of the nation's highest court face his fear of public speaking.


Burt Gorman

And to think that all this time I've just assumed he knew the answers to everything.


Haley Longe

Archbishop: Church Should Cut Ties With Girl Scouts

A St. Louis archbishop seeks to cut ties with the Girl Scouts of America and refrain from hosting their meetings in the church, explaining that the group is incompatible with Catholic values. What do you think?

Yeah, I don't like the new Cranberry Citrus Crisps either.


Jake Haverford

He's absolutely right. Being a woman has always been incompatible with Catholic values.


Damian Kurzcek

But this is only playing right into the Presbyterians' hands!


Karl Dogen

Bin Laden's Personal Documents Made Public

The Office of the Director of National Intelligence has released Osama bin Laden's personal documents, including several written letters and his will. What do you think?

I'm going to be so mad if he was talking shit about us in those letters.


Petunia Ward

You're telling me he spent all that time in hiding and didn't even put together a rough outline for his memoirs?


Chuck Baille

The guy whose job it was to burn everything really screwed up.


Henry Salter

Governor Declares April 'Confederate Heritage Month'

Mississippi governor Phil Bryant has submitted a proposal to make April Confederate Heritage Month in order to reflect upon our nation's past and gain insight from our mistakes and successes. What do you think?


Randy Tull

For too long we have failed to honor those brave souls who paid the ultimate price so that others couldn't be free.


Alice Tenney

But I already put all my Confederate flags away for the season.


Ariana Tachman

Bob Dylan Archives Sold To University

Over 6,000 of Bob Dylan's personal documents, including notebooks full of his original song lyrics, have been sold to the University of Tulsa for over $15 million. What do you think?

Please have them contact me if they're interested in acquiring my burned CD of Blood On The Tracks, circa 2003.


Brad Garvey

Bob Dylan Archives Sold To University

I've always wanted an excuse to drag my family kicking and screaming to Oklahoma.


Joe O'Halleran

Bob Dylan Archives Sold To University

Now I see the angle Bob's been working all these years.


Angelo Mildrin

Woman Stopped By TSA For Gun-Shaped Jewelry

A woman at a Maryland airport was ordered to turn over bullet-lined bracelets and platform shoes with stiletto heels shaped like guns due to a TSA rule banning replica guns or ammunition. What do you think?


Rick Tobin

As National Director of the NGSJA, I pledge to fight this with everything we've got.


Tori Dahl

Owners of bullet bracelets and gun heels need to be more responsible and store these items safely in a locked closet.


Don Kimble

E-Cigarettes Banned From Commercial Flights

The Department of Transportation announced that the rule banning cigarettes, pipes, and tobacco products on commercial flights will now also encompass the use of e-cigarettes. What do you think?

Sometimes I suspect the government doesn't even want me to look cool.


Anna Mudgren

How else am I supposed to fill a small, enclosed public space with the scent of synthetic butterscotch?


Lou Hess

I miss the halcyon days of air travel when the stewardesses would light you a smoke and quietly tolerate your sexual harassment.


Artie Wilkes

Obamas To Speak At SXSW

Both Barack and Michelle Obama will be featured as keynote speakers at this year's South by Southwest conference in Austin. What do you think?

They should open with a joke. That's always good advice.


Lydia Monson

Obamas To Speak At SXSW

The scheduling at SXSW always forces me to choose between seeing two of my favorite world leaders.


Ted Dolan

Obamas To Speak At SXSW

What an honor to take the stage right after the youth marketing coordinator for Red Bull!


Yvonne Bradley

World Faces Single Malt Scotch Shortage

The global supply of old single malt Scotch is running low and could remain in shortage for the next 10 to 15 years. What do you think?


Seymour Tuttle

World Faces Single Malt Scotch Shortage

Well, discerning connoisseurs will just have to find another way to get hammered.


Jack Howe

World Faces Single Malt Scotch Shortage

We should have listened to those slurring scientists who tried to warn us all those years ago!


Richard Lohber

Six Flags To Feature Virtual Reality Roller Coasters

This spring, Six Flags will roll out North America's first virtual reality roller coasters, in which riders will wear VR headsets that simulate the earth's battle with alien invaders. What do you think?

Will everyone please just stop trying to immerse me in things all the time?


Maude Travers

It's amazing how science is constantly discovering new ways to make me vomit on strangers.


Gil Fiorello

But who will see how brave I am when I let go of the bar and wave my arms above my head?


Marvin Tunney

Woman Receives First Uterus Transplant In U.S.

Though she was told at 16 she'd never be able to conceive, a 26-year-old woman has undergone the nation's first uterus transplant and hopes to eventually get pregnant and give birth. What do you think?

It's amazing what lengths people will go to just to spite their physicians.


Glenda Boor

A woman has no right to challenge God's judgement of her worthiness like this!


Brock Stolworth

I embrace any advancement in women's health that I can control politically.


Jeffrey Manke

Judge Claims Toddlers Can Defend Selves In Court

A senior Justice Department official argued this week that children as young as age 3 or 4 facing deportation are capable of representing themselves in court and don't need government-appointed lawyers to assist them. What do you think?

There's no better defense than crying on the stand.


Alicia Dorsett

Oh, boo-hoo. When I was a kid my parents made me handle all my own litigation.


Oscar Kot

I can't wait to see a jury of their peers!


Richie Jessup

Study: Fear A Useful Ecological Tool

A recent study exposed raccoons to recordings of large carnivores and found that it caused them to hunt fewer birds and fish, suggesting that fear has a significant impact on ecosystems and the food chain. What do you think?

I bet those raccoons will all feel very foolish once they read this study.


Sloane Hodges

Study: Fear A Useful Ecological Tool

Just think how powerful a tool love would be.


Leon Turcet

Study: Fear A Useful Ecological Tool

This must be why I get such a kick out of scaring pigeons in the park!


Mitchell Zuro

Jeff Bezos Unveils Rocket Project

Amazon founder Jeff Bezos has revealed Blue Origin, an aerospace company that aims to send rockets into space, potentially with tourists aboard. What do you think?

Finally, a fast and convenient solution for getting off this godforsaken planet.


Sarah Nigallis

Jeff Bezos Unveils Rocket Project

It's truly incredible to see what billions and billions of dollars can do.


Travis Backle

Jeff Bezos Unveils Rocket Project

How soon will this begin popping up as a suggestion after I buy a case of hot sauce?


Marissa Bedducci

Parents Less Inhibited Than Children On Social Media

A recent study found that children were three times more likely than their parents to support rules governing the sort of family photos or updates that are posted to social media. What do you think?

Look, I need something to validate my decision to procreate.


Luke Donlon

It's only natural that as technology advances, so too must the methods by which parents use it to humiliate their loved ones.


Grady Stone

I can understand that. It's exactly why I only post pictures of other people's children online.


Robbie Yos

American Diet Mostly 'Ultra-Processed' Foods

A national survey found that 57.9 percent of Americans' calorie intake comes from ultra-processed foods, or items that include artificial flavors, colors, and emulsifiers. What do you think?

Enough with this elitist insistence upon eating food that's entirely food-based!


Craig Bleu

Sure, it's not the healthiest option, but it's the only way to guarantee that all the food I eat comes in the shapes I like.


Carol McGee

This is just the information I need to ruin dinner conversation tonight.


Lance Tressen

Zoo Koala Hunted By Wild Mountain Lion

A koala at the Los Angeles Zoo was reported missing and later found to have been hunted by P-22, the region's sole mountain lion, in the first instance of a captive animal killed by local wildlife. What do you think?

I missed this! Will there be another show at 3:30?


Francesca Vega

Zoo Koala Hunted By Wild Mountain Lion

This ought to close the book once and for all on the pressing ecological question of whether koalas are stronger than mountain lions.


Brennan Tosh

Zoo Koala Hunted By Wild Mountain Lion

I know a pretty good fence guy if they're interested.


Brian Rossini

Experts: Don't Call Politicians Neanderthals

Evolutionary experts have emphasized the inaccuracy of the term Neanderthal to describe politicians in the media, explaining that Neanderthals were not brutish and stupid but cognitively complex and resourceful. What do you think?

Good to know. Historically accurate insults always hit hardest.


Gladys Bava

We ought to treat our nation's leaders with the basic respect we'd show any primordial scavenger.


Jared Bosco

These sycophants are just trying to keep their funding secure.


Clarice Long

Students Near Planned Parenthood Drop Out Less

New data shows that teens living near Planned Parenthood clinics are 16 percent less likely to drop out of high school. What do you think?

Yeah, well, think of all the unborn children who never even got a chance to get pregnant in high school.


Murray Hanson

But classes are a lot less boring when there's a baby auditing them.


Lee Bunsen

You see what happens? You build a Planned Parenthood and suddenly everyone wants to run out and get a high school diploma.


Maisey Donoghue

Richard Simmons Clarifies He's Not Being Held Hostage

After the New York Daily News alleged that Richard Simmons was being held hostage in his home by a longtime maid, the 67-year-old fitness guru called in to The Today Show to clarify he has merely made a personal choice to avoid public appearances since 2014. What do you think?

I refuse to believe that Richard Simmons would ever willingly deny us his presence.


Harley Boone

Great. I got my tactical weapons gear out for nothing.


Judd Roland

Richard Simmons is hostage only to leg day.


Eileen Woodridge

Amazon Users Will Soon Pay By Selfie

To protect customers from fraud, Amazon has filed a patent for a payment system that would require users to submit a selfie or short video of themselves to verify purchases rather than typing a password. What do you think?

I'll do whatever it takes to buy this RCA-to-3.5mm headphone jack adapter.


Harry Bissell

Amazon Users Will Soon Pay By Selfie

But that would only make it easier for Jon Hamm to hack into my account. People tell me that I look like Jon Hamm.


Andy Hostetler

Amazon Users Will Soon Pay By Selfie


Gordon Fraugh

Younger Siblings Could Lower Obesity Risk

A study of 700 children has found that those who entered first grade without siblings were more likely to be obese than those who gained a little brother or sister between ages three and four, perhaps because of active play between siblings. What do you think?

Money's kind of tight. Would a dog do the trick?


Rich Steeran

Sitting on my little brother's chest and punching him in the eye every afternoon really was a great cardiovascular workout.


Dana Archer

Many families these days are opting for one huge kid over multiple smaller ones.


Rick Buhrman

New Indiana Jones Film In The Works

After a year of rumors, Disney has confirmed that Harrison Ford and Steven Spielberg are teaming up for a fifth installment of the Indiana Jones franchise, due out July 2019. What do you think?


Donnie McCluskey

New Indiana Jones Film In The Works

Fans of the franchise have made it perfectly clear that what we're really looking for is a serialized Short Round spinoff.


Livia Perl

New Indiana Jones Film In The Works

Will they be able to reclaim his hat from the Planet Hollywood in Orlando?


Jasper Clowley

Smartphones Fail To Assist In Emergencies

Testing four voice-activated phone assistants—Siri, Cortana, Google Now, and S Voice—researchers found that most phones failed to recognize phrases like I was raped or I'm having a heart attack and supply the proper emergency hotlines. What do you think?

My Android has always come in handy when I need to bite down on something during a seizure.


Gina Trebin

These fair-weather phones only want to be there for the fun stuff like finding good surf and turf in Seattle.


Ryan Wibbler

Why would anyone take their chances with an unhelpful smartphone when they could turn to skeptical campus administrators?


Sandra Kimich

Excessive Puns Could Indicate Brain Damage

A recent neurological paper explained the phenomenon of witzelsucht, or joke addiction, wherein patients who have suffered damage to the frontal lobe of the brain spout an excess of puns and off-color jokes. What do you think?

Leave it to the Germans to classify humor as a mental disorder.


Logan Sumner

It's great knowing that those who have suffered brain damage can go on to lead healthy, fulfilling, annoying lives.


Collin Tetzik

Yeah, my routine has gotten a lot more hacky since the car crash.


Thad Gilpert

Tut's Tomb Could Contain Hidden Chambers

Radar scans indicate that two undiscovered rooms full of artifacts might lie behind ghost doorways in the tomb of Egyptian pharaoh King Tutankhamun. What do you think?

Have they tried turning the arm of the Anubis statue?


Shelley Borland

How lucky that grave robbers didn't plunder these treasures 3,000 years ago, allowing us to.


Tripp Hodge

I hope they find out before my diorama is due!


Rita Furre

Quitting Smoking 'Cold Turkey' Most Effective

A new study has shown that going cold turkey and abstaining from cigarettes immediately had a 25 percent greater chance of long-term success than using aids such as nicotine patches or gum. What do you think?

It's also the most wasteful if you haven't finished the pack.


Chet Lamary

I don't know. If I'm going to quit I would prefer props that let me make a big show of it.


Bobby Sturkin

Are you sure? My hypnotist seems pretty confident that hypnosis is the way to go.


Hilda Monroy

Alabama Textbooks Call Evolution A 'Controversial Theory'

The Alabama State Board of Education has voted to retain a disclaimer in their biology textbooks warning students that the theory of evolution is controversial and has not been directly observed. What do you think?

And yet they're letting so-called molecules off the hook.


Frank Gibbs

The whole theory doesn't make any sense. If educated people descended from ignorant people, why are there still ignorant people?


Rick Sommerland

Anyone who's followed Taylor Swift's career couldn't possibly deny that evolution has been directly observed.


Cash Zuiker

China Recovering From Deforestation

A new report praises China's efforts to combat deforestation by banning logging in certain areas and cracking down on illegal logging, measures that have led to the regrowth of 61,000 square miles of trees. What do you think?

At this rate, they'll be overtaking American forests by 2050!


Dirk Howsell

China Recovering From Deforestation

It's nice we're letting earth have this little breather before the final onslaught.


Nancy Freiter

China Recovering From Deforestation

Really? My geraniums aren't coming in nearly that well.


Paul Finn

Salmon Fillets Contaminated With Cocaine

Salmon caught in the Seattle area have been found swimming in waste water containing antidepressants, antibiotics, nicotine, and cocaine, though scientists assert eating the fish won't cause a noticeable drug reaction in humans. What do you think?


Shayna Knowlton

The nutritional value of omega-3 certainly feels like it should be illegal!


Chip Lowry

It's a shame these fish will never even appreciate the deal they're getting.


Belinda Caine

NFL To Atlanta: No Super Bowl If Anti-Gay Law Passed

The NFL has warned they might not allow Atlanta's Mercedes-Benz Stadium to host any upcoming Super Bowl games if Georgia passes House Bill 757, a proposal to restrict the civil rights of LGBT citizens. What do you think?

And deny football fans the splendor of a Georgia February? How dare they!


Ron Bouchard

When the NFL is ahead of you on human rights, you've got bigger problems.


Terrance Cleisher

I, for one, am proud of the league for their socially progressive threats.


Andrea Sicobin

Supreme Court Declines To Hear Marijuana Case

The Supreme Court refuses to hear a case brought by Nebraska and Oklahoma claiming that Colorado's marijuana legalization has increased the flow of the drug across those states' borders. What do you think?

Maybe if Nebraska and Oklahoma tried legalizing marijuana just once, they wouldn't be so uptight.


Freddy Halbach

Drug laws were so simple back when any amount of anything led you to rot in jail.


Toby Nuntz

Just think of all the innocent people getting high because of this decision.


Timothy Bartmon

Meditation Effective Treatment For Back Pain

The CDC has advised physicians that rather than prescribing opioids for chronic pain, a regimen of meditation and cognitive behavioral therapy could be even more effective. What do you think?

It's not really the American way to treat the root cause of a problem like this.


Tyler Emmerich

Did the CDC mention how long I have to play along with all of this until I can request a prescription?


Ginger Skulkey

Great. This'll free up my opioids for recreational use.


Carson Laddley

Primary Voting Sees Near-Record Turnout

The 2016 primary elections are seeing their second-highest voter turnout in 35 years, double the turnout of 2012 but still slightly trailing 2008 percentages. What do you think?

Here at Kasich HQ, we call that the Kasich Effect!


Donna Pelkin

Primary Voting Sees Near-Record Turnout

All citizens should take the opportunity to make their voices heard in our nation's last democratic election.


Mitch Easterbrook

Primary Voting Sees Near-Record Turnout

I voted so well in the primaries that I doubt I'll even need to cast a ballot this November.


Cal Rosen

Prairie Dogs Found Killing Squirrels

In the first recorded instance of one mammalian herbivore killing another, scientists in Colorado have discovered that prairie dogs routinely murder ground squirrels by severing their spinal cord, possibly to compete for limited resources. What do you think?

Kudos to prairie dogs for finally doing what we all just talk about.


Darren Fisherbaum

Prairie Dogs Found Killing Squirrels

They'll have to kill something a lot bigger than that to earn my respect.


Tilly Beeran

Prairie Dogs Found Killing Squirrels

Don't be naive. The path to acorns is paved with blood.


Roger Milo

Armani To Stop Using Fur In Their Clothing

Fashion designer Giorgio Armani released a statement that his clothing line will no longer use any animal fur in its designs, praising faux fur as a capable substitute. What do you think?

Animals better appreciate the big solid we're doing for them here.


Connie Baird

I didn't marry into wealth to walk around in faux chinchilla!


Gregory Weiss

U.S.S. Conestoga Found 95 Years After Disappearance

Having disappeared in 1921 bound for Pearl Harbor, the U.S.S. Conestoga was confirmed this week to have been found off the California coast, identified by the use of underwater robots. What do you think?

I hope this finally gets those underwater robots the closure they needed.


Whitney Suleman

We can't let the Japanese get away with this!


Glen Janecek

Given enough time and resources, our government is capable of uncovering a limitless number of tragedies.


Gavin Poole

Bookshop Bans 'Fifty Shades Of Grey' Donations

A charity bookshop in Wales is imploring patrons not to donate Fifty Shades Of Grey after being inundated with hundreds of copies of the erotic novel, which they will ship to a warehouse to be sold online or recycled. What do you think?

Yeah, Jamie Dornan really ruined it for me too.


Ariana Souvenia

They should donate them. So many underfunded schools are in desperate need of smut!


Chuck Wellesley

I'm surprised so many people are giving them away. I feel like I learn something new each time I reread it.


Karl Hapsfeld

Children Trampled At Easter Egg Hunt

A Connecticut Easter egg hunt became chaotic after parents rushed the field in advance of the official start time, fighting to gather eggs for their children and hurting other children in the process, a scene that one of the organizers compared to a swarm of locusts. What do you think?

It sounds like the event organizers' first mistake was inviting people.


Cameron Luvell

Children Trampled At Easter Egg Hunt

The risk of serious injury makes the reward of a few loose jelly beans in a plastic egg that much sweeter.


Colleen Vance

Children Trampled At Easter Egg Hunt

Now maybe those kids can appreciate the pain Jesus endured for their sins.


Therese Nianne

Urban Birds Smarter, Heartier Than Rural Birds

McGill University researchers have found that urban bird populations are smarter and have stronger immune systems than birds in the country, scoring higher on cognitive tests and exploiting new resources more than rural birds. What do you think?

Sure, but I bet city birds never really have time to just sit and enjoy life.


Cody Soren

If rural birds want to close that gap, they can start by eating trash they find on the street.


Julian Medgrave

I don't know. Both seem equally likely to break their neck flying into a closed window.


Austin Filburn

Alaska Volcano Erupts

Alaska's Pavlof volcano has erupted for the 40th time in recorded history, spewing ash 20,000 feet in the air, though its location is so remote that the eruption did little to damage any surrounding communities. What do you think?

Our nation's volcanoes are out of control.


Holly Sidley

Alaska Volcano Erupts

Can you even imagine what a nightmare it must be for travelers at the Aleutian Islands Airport right now?


Connor Marcus

Alaska Volcano Erupts

Seeing natural forces wreak havoc on the environment is a nice change of pace.


Harrison Vonn

Tribeca Pulls Anti-Vaccine Film

One day after defending the screening of Andrew Wakefield's controversial anti-vaccination film Vaxxed by saying it would promote conversation, Tribeca Film Festival cofounder Robert De Niro has announced that the film was being pulled from the festival. What do you think?

What a relief. I can't stand documentaries!


Geoff Tunney

Tribeca Pulls Anti-Vaccine Film

You don't need to screen an anti-vaxxer film at your festival to start a conversation about why it shouldn't be there.


Jocelyn Werner

Tribeca Pulls Anti-Vaccine Film


Miranda Jefkin

Teens Arrested For Threatening Trump

In unrelated incidents, two Georgia teenagers have been arrested in the past week for threatening Donald Trump on social media, behavior categorized as terroristic threats and acts. What do you think?

Do we want youths to participate in politics or not?


Brian McEnroe

Teens Arrested For Threatening Trump

These kids were just blowing off steam. Surely Donald understands the cathartic value of empty threats.


Ian Roiland

Teens Arrested For Threatening Trump

Hopefully one bad experience doesn't forever sour them on intimidating people.


Igor Scannell

Secret Service Bans Guns From RNC

In advance of the Republican National Convention in Cleveland this July, the Secret Service has announced that only law enforcement personnel will be permitted to bring firearms to the event, overriding Ohio's open carry laws. What do you think?


Lena Barkov

Secret Service Bans Guns From RNC

That's too bad. I'm sure Ohio gun owners have trained hard for this.


Tim Copeland

Secret Service Bans Guns From RNC

But three months might not be enough time to gain proficiency with a flamethrower.


Darien Aspell

Fracking Causing Earthquakes Across U.S.

A new U.S. Geological Survey report condemns the oil industry for fracking practices that vastly increase the frequency of earthquakes in states that usually have none, including Oklahoma, Kansas, Texas, and Colorado. What do you think?

Thank goodness this is happening in states that already have a high threshold for misery.


Seamus Dern

Sure, that's the scientists' side of the story, but let's hear from the people making a profit.


Deanna Paulsen

Frankly, I find it ludicrous that my tax dollars go toward any studies whose findings I don't want to hear.


Joan Hausell

Posture Could Dictate Success In Online Dating

New research in online dating has found that profile pictures in which someone is physically extended, with outstretched limbs and an elongated torso, convey a confidence and dominance that nearly double one's chances of success. What do you think?

I don't understand how you can depict good posture in a profile photo when you've got to hold the camera at such a high angle.


Earl Talbot

First you say I have to be kind and open-minded, now you're saying I have to sit up straight. Which one is it?


Nathan Finnegan

Are you sure? I've always been told that a soft, sunken chest was the ultimate chick magnet.


Robin Denner

Oculus Rift Released

The Oculus Rift, the most advanced virtual reality headset to date, launched this week and costs approximately $1,600 when paired with a capable PC and accompanying games, though all units are currently on back order. What do you think?

Wow. The future is here for those who preordered!


Monty O'Leary

Oculus Rift Released

It might sound expensive, but you can't put a price on briefly escaping this hellish world.


Rhonda Myers

Oculus Rift Released

Finally I'll have something to pull me away from my phone.


Brennan Goodrich

Study: Arachnophobia Causes Spiders To Look Bigger

It's been found that the brains of those who suffer from arachnophobia could be perceiving the spiders as much larger than they actually are. What do you think?

I'd take one big spider over the hundreds of little guys living in my bathtub any day.


Kylie Straub

Are you saying I could have been killing them with The Old Man And The Sea instead of Infinite Jest this whole time?


Russell Cohn

I'll perceive bugs however the hell I want.


Walt Cuddy

New Method Accurately Measures THC In Edibles

Though the labeling on cannabis chocolates, gummies, and other edible items is currently inconsistent and unregulated, a new technique provides accurate measurements of the cannabis within these newly legal products. What do you think?


Max McAllister

I've been saying for years that legalizing marijuana would drive innovation.


Beth Scanlon

Rating systems such as these are vital for us parents looking to make the best choices for our kids.


Ray Whelan

Panama Papers Reveal Widespread Tax Evasion

Over 11.5 million leaked files dubbed the Panama Papers reveal that the world's wealthy elites are hiding money in offshore accounts to evade taxation, a leak that implicates the prime minister of Iceland, the president of Ukraine, and Vladimir Putin, among others. What do you think?

You always hear rumors about shady offshore dealings, but never in my worst dreams did I suspect Sigmundur Gunnlaugsson was involved.


Grant Ebelhofer

They should be proud of their wealth instead of feeling like they need to hide it halfway around the globe!


Joy Beckler

I trust that the world's most powerful leaders will punish themselves accordingly.


Keith Roban

Ancient Human Sacrifices Reinforced Hierarchy

A new study looked at the social makeup of ancient societies and found that those with more stratified class systems participated most often in ritual human sacrifice, a practice that maintained an elite wealthy class by killing subordinates to appease the gods. What do you think?

I do like how uncomplicated that sounds.


Noreen Berger

Just imagine how kind the wealthy will be toward the less fortunate in another 1,000 years!


Alvin Thome

Good to know. I'm going to start pointing out to disadvantaged people how lucky they are by comparison.


Stephen Gortz

Tech Company Develops Chewable Coffee

San Francisco tech company Nootrobox has developed a product called Go Cubes, a chewable tablet made of cold brew coffee containing 50 milligrams of caffeine. What do you think?

I'll pass. I try to avoid chewing when I can.


Grace Keeley

Tech Company Develops Chewable Coffee

Wow! There's no telling how many more of life's small pleasures they can compress to pill form.


Jay Donelan

Tech Company Develops Chewable Coffee

So it's like drinking a cup of coffee, but you can do it at work, or on a bus?


Todd Hines

Introverts React More Negatively To Typos

A study on personality and cognition found that introverted people noticed more typos and grammatical errors in someone's writing and consequently assumed more negative opinions about the writer than extroverts did. What do you think?

This explains why my copy editor never wants to hang out.


Burt Olsen

If you're striking out on the dating scene, you might as well make the best of it and flip out over split infinitives.


Mona Zirkle

Extroverted people would be just as annoyed by these things if they ever shut up for two seconds and paid attention.


Clarissa Longe

Versailles Building Luxury Hotel

The palace of Versailles is outfitting three of its outbuildings with luxury guest rooms, a spa, and a high-end restaurant, though critics decry the project as the commoditization of a national treasure. What do you think?

Turning Versailles into some sort of playground of the elite? Unthinkable.


Guy Gantran

Versailles Building Luxury Hotel

Jeez, have a little faith in commercial property developers!


Randall McCastrey

Versailles Building Luxury Hotel

I always thought the Hall of Mirrors would make a great bowling alley.


Ted Glover

Communists Seek Copyright For Red Star

The Russian Communist Party has announced they will appeal to Prime Minister Medvedev for a copyright to be placed on their red star symbol in order to protect it from widespread use in branding and advertising. What do you think?

This makes sense, considering the first half of the Communist Manifesto emphasizes the importance of building your brand.


Rita Little

Communists Seek Copyright For Red Star

So do I have to change my desktop wallpaper?


Andre Warner

Communists Seek Copyright For Red Star

Russia learned a hard lesson when they let Tetris slip through their fingers.


Don Buckley

Vanilla Shortage Could Raise Ice Cream Prices

Top vanilla producer Madagascar is experiencing a shortage of the plant due to rising global demand for natural flavorings, potentially leading to a spike in ice cream prices this summer. What do you think?

I have this six-year-old bottle of extract in my cupboard, if that helps things.


Chet Baisell

Edy's can gouge me all they want for that real slow-churned stuff.


Eva Landiss

We should be able to get through this. There's no vanilla in pizza.


Gerri Faber

American Idol' Ends 15-Year Run

Thursday night saw American Idol's series finale, a two-hour send-off to the show's 15-year run that included performances from past winners before crowning Trent Harmon the final champion. What do you think?

I'll always fondly remember the time my family spent ridiculing all the terrible auditions together.


Joe Rundgren

American Idol' Ends 15-Year Run

Finally, a chance for non-contestants to climb the charts!


Nick Falenta

American Idol' Ends 15-Year Run

It's like saying goodbye to an old friend who's always trying to push Coca-Cola products on you.


LuAnn Nordgren

Dog Talent Agency Represents Famous Pets

The Wall Street Journal recently interviewed The Dog Agency, a talent company that exclusively represents Instagram-famous dogs, often securing five-figure deals for advertisements to be posted through the pets' profiles. What do you think?

I suppose it's marginally healthier to push my dreams of fame onto my dog rather than onto my children.


Joey Zweig

You're telling me that adorable Pekingese had an ulterior motive for recommending Starwood Hotels?


Clarence Dade

Hopefully these experts can help me monetize my garter snake, Henry!


Burt Seide

Senate Won't Prevent Airlines From Shrinking Seats

An amendment that would have required the FAA to maintain a minimum seat size on all airlines for the safety, health, and comfort of its passengers was voted against in the Senate 42-54. What do you think?

You know those bastards are getting exit-row seat after exit-row seat in kickbacks.


Hazel Welsley

I've always said that whether or not passengers get blood clots is for the free market to decide.


Chuck Weninger

If people want better seating that badly, they can always go get a pilot's license.


Joey Newcomb

Springsteen Cancels NC Concert To Protest Anti-LGBT Law

Bruce Springsteen canceled his tour date in North Carolina last night to protest the passage of the Public Facilities Privacy and Security Act, a law that restricts transgender citizens' access to public restrooms. What do you think?

I wish he'd stop being so political and just stick to singing 'Born In The U.S.A'!


Marion Villander

If North Carolina can't be swayed by an appeal to basic human empathy, hopefully they'll respond to the threat of not hearing 'Badlands' live.


Clive Dewart

What's important here is that North Carolina's policies remain undisclosed to Def Leppard, REO Speedwagon, and Tesla until May 13.


Dustin Ruckert

Dog Whisperer' Cleared Of Animal Cruelty Charges

Cesar Milan of the popular show Dog Whisperer has been cleared of animal cruelty charges after a recent episode featured an agitated French bulldog biting a pig on the ear and drawing blood, an incident that investigators have concluded was handled with the proper veterinary care. What do you think?

If chomping on pig ears constitutes animal cruelty, then we're all a little guilty.


Ray Boylan

It could be that 100,000 years of evolutionary instinct is a little harder to reprogram than he thought.


Maura Reznick

This is why I don't let my pigs watch TV.


Carrie Schmick

Smokers Face Tougher Job Search

A survey of San Francisco job applicants found that unemployed people who smoke have more difficulty getting hired and that employed smokers earn an average of $5 less per hour than their nonsmoking counterparts. What do you think?

Makes sense. Who wants to hire someone cooler than them?


Aaron Ryan

Smokers Face Tougher Job Search

Comprehensive studies have never held much sway with smokers.


Gordon Kariff

Smokers Face Tougher Job Search

It's always a difficult choice, but in the end you hire the candidate least likely to exit the building 40 times a day.


Robby Lessig

Textalyzer' To Measure Distracted Driving

New York police could soon be equipped with Textalyzers, devices that scan drivers' phones to detect whether they were texting, and thus driving with distraction, in the moments leading up to an auto accident. What do you think?

This could prove humiliating for any survivors.


Brett Hartell

I hold myself to a strict no-phone policy while driving, unless I happen to be texting my last will and testament.


Dana Kurian

If this technology stops just one person from texting me at 3 a.m., it will have been worth it.


Jeannie McEnroe

Octopus Escapes New Zealand Aquarium

Inky the Octopus is believed to have escaped the national aquarium of New Zealand by opening the lid of his tank, slithering across the floor, then squeezing through a 5-inch-wide drainage pipe and out to sea. What do you think?

We're adults. You can tell us what really happened to Inky.


Grant Tibor

Octopus Escapes New Zealand Aquarium

I'm sure we can find him! I'll check the Tasman Sea, you look in the Bay of Plenty.


Noah Black

Octopus Escapes New Zealand Aquarium

Once he realizes the Indian Ocean doesn't hand out polychaete worms on a silver platter, he'll be back.


Dennis Mawrole

Zip Code Could Point To Life Expectancy

A recent study investigated income and mortality rates and found a nearly 15-year difference in life expectancy between the wealthiest and poorest Americans, with the longevity of those in poverty strongly correlated to what zip code they lived in. What do you think?


James Sarkesian

Zip Code Could Point To Life Expectancy

I've always assumed this was the purpose of zip codes.


Anita Berry

Zip Code Could Point To Life Expectancy

Well, I guess I didn't really want to stretch my savings for another 15 years anyway.


Verne Lowell

Tiger Population Increases For First Time In 100 Years

The global wild tiger census has reached 3,890, the first increase in population in over 100 years and significantly higher than the last survey's all-time low in 2010. What do you think?

I warned that taking care of the environment would lead to this kind of infestation!


Gene Horace

What a relief that the earth doesn't have to go on without whatever tigers add to it.


Eleanor Muskin

I did my part by tweeting about trophy hunting in a negative manner.


Marco Baker

Surgery Live-Streamed For VR Headsets

A surgery to remove cancerous tissue from a British patient was live-streamed in 360-degree video globally accessible on virtual reality headsets, a potential breakthrough for the training of surgeons worldwide. What do you think?

I doubt any VR experience can truly capture the horrifying condition of my body.


Henry Walls

Surgery Live-Streamed For VR Headsets

We must first consider the ethics of practicing surgery with systems that might be better used for simulating roller coasters.


Regina Wolfram

Surgery Live-Streamed For VR Headsets

If you really want to learn the trade, there's no substitute for plunging your hand into a warm human body!


Mitch Rourke

Man Removed From Flight For Speaking Arabic

A 26-year-old man was removed from his Southwest flight after speaking on the phone in Arabic about having dinner with Ban Ki-moon, a conversation that a fellow passenger reported to the authorities. What do you think?

I'm sure there's a perfectly racist explanation for this.


Joe Buckland

Did they get any leads on the whereabouts of this Ban Ki-moon character?


Dee Houren

The important thing is that the remaining passengers felt the illusion of safety.


Karl Deegan

Japan Developing 'Invisible Train'

Japan has commissioned architect Kazuyo Sejima to design an invisible commuter train, set to debut in 2018, that uses semi-reflective and semi-transparent materials to blend into its surroundings. What do you think?

Great idea. It's always a shame when urban scenery is ruined by people's ability to see a train coming.


Denny Weiss

Japan Developing 'Invisible Train'

This sounds like a beautiful solution to continue polluting nature!


Doreen Herlihy

Japan Developing 'Invisible Train'

The amount of money they'll save on train paint will be staggering.


Wally Tanner

Bed Bugs Getting Stronger, More Resilient

New research has confirmed that bed bugs are becoming increasingly resistant to bug sprays and other insecticides, developing a thicker exoskeleton to protect against extermination. What do you think?

Oh, I'm confident our poison makers are up to the challenge.


Karina Gayle

Perhaps the onus is now on humanity to develop impervious skin.


Hal Steuben

Treasury To Keep Hamilton, Remove Jackson From Currency

Treasury Secretary Jack Lew said his office is now considering removing Andrew Jackson from the $20 bill in favor of a woman, rather than replacing Alexander Hamilton on the $10 bill as previously stated, a decision that could be related to the success of the smash-hit musical Hamilton. What do you think?

I hope they replace him with Eliza Hamilton!


Hans Bennett

I'll be honest: When Lin-Manuel Miranda told me he had a plan to get Harriet Tubman onto the $20 bill, I thought he was nuts.


Julianne Gordon

Let's kick Franklin off the $100 instead. I'm sick of that smirk.


Brock Schlessen

Cold Lab Mice Skewing Scientific Studies

A new research paper reveals that laboratory mice are being kept in conditions that are far too cold, nearly 10 degrees below their preferred temperature, altering their metabolism and skewing the results of scientific research. What do you think?

If there's any need for tiny sweaters, I'm your guy.


Lori Auden

So you're saying it's possible that cigarettes don't really cause hypothermia?


Kyle Stutz

Sounds like an easy fix. Just add 10 degrees to all the data.


Daniela Moreno

China Bans Child Stars From Reality TV

China's State Administration of Press, Publication, Radio, Film and Television has banned children of celebrities from appearing in reality TV shows, a restriction intended to let them enjoy the childhood that they are entitled to. What do you think?

How dare they kill the dreams of some innocent child's parents!


Jon McNutt

China Bans Child Stars From Reality TV

Relax. These kids will still have plenty of future opportunities to bottom out their careers on reality TV.


Tad Dugan

China Bans Child Stars From Reality TV

Prohibiting political dissent is one thing, but denying citizens their chance to observe famous toddlers is a bridge too far.


Lucas Tate

Utah Deems Pornography A Public Health Crisis

Utah Governor Gary Herbert signed a resolution on Tuesday officially categorizing pornography as a public health hazard that carries risks for adolescents. What do you think?

Good. Sometimes it's hard to define just what a public health crisis is, but I know it when I see it.


Cassandra Millsap

It's about time someone fought back against the disgusting scourge that is human sexuality.


Eli Pappas

Bear in mind, Utah porn involves graphic depictions of gambling and coffee consumption.


Bianca Kerry

Queen Elizabeth Turns 90

Queen Elizabeth II celebrates her 90th birthday today, a milestone the country marked by renaming certain municipalities after her and lighting torches to honor the years of her reign. What do you think?

My husband had a couple municipalities renamed for my 30th. It was a lot of fun.


Keith Stratford

Queen Elizabeth Turns 90

A life of stress-free opulence is really working for her!


Nicholas Bratt

Queen Elizabeth Turns 90

Way to steal the spotlight from Andie MacDowell.


Delia Mercer

Nation Celebrates Earth Day

Today marks the 46th annual celebration of Earth Day, intended to raise awareness of green initiatives and encourage participation in environmental causes. How are you celebrating Earth Day?

I'll be taking a short reprieve from converting oxygen into carbon dioxide.


Jeff Tufano

Nation Celebrates Earth Day

In a way, every day I decide not to dump old paint down the drain is Earth Day.


Aaron Shukis

Nation Celebrates Earth Day

Oh, I'm just going to let my grandkids worry about commemorating it.


Brennan Doyle

Bible Will Not Become Tennessee's State Book

A bill to classify the Bible as Tennessee's state book was vetoed this week by Governor Bill Haslam on the grounds that it trivialized the Bible to put it on the same level with the state bird and insect and so many other things we have. What do you think?

Act fast, Kentucky. They could change their mind at any moment.


Fred Tait

How dare the governor imply that the Bible is somehow more significant than the Tennessee cave salamander!


Geraldine Mintz

That's all right. The Bible can still serve a vital role in our public school curricula.


Robert Larson

Study: Cities Have Unique 'Bacterial Fingerprints'

A study that swabbed office buildings in major cities found that the bacterial profile of the swabs corresponded to their location, suggesting that cities each have their own bacterial fingerprint. What do you think?

Man, is there anything swabbing can't illuminate for us?


Sam Balducci

I don't need some fancy microbiome to tell me someone is from Boise.


Phoebe McNamara

Amazing. If I ever want to know what city I'm in, all I need is a microscope!


Wayne Ebose

Cruz, Kasich Align To Stop Trump

John Kasich and Ted Cruz have announced they will work together to facilitate each other's victories in the remaining primaries so as to block GOP frontrunner Donald Trump from securing enough delegates for the nomination. What do you think?

This is a veritable dream team of who's left!


Skylar Fox

Cruz, Kasich Align To Stop Trump

That's not fair to Trump. Getting more votes was his idea.


Brady Miller

Cruz, Kasich Align To Stop Trump

Sounds great, but this plan could backfire if Trump asks people in those states to vote for him instead.


Chad Thaber

Study: Music Improves Babies' Speech

A recent study found that babies who attended music lessons displayed more brain activity and language capability than those who didn't, suggesting the rhythms of music can aid in the detection of speech patterns. What do you think?

I don't know. I play Thin Lizzy for my daughter all the time and she still seems pretty dumb.


Vic Burns

Study: Music Improves Babies' Speech

More importantly, how many more lessons until I have the halfway decent bass player I need?


Donna Fiorello

Study: Music Improves Babies' Speech

It's also an excellent way for them to shake their sillies out.


Gretchen Wolinsky

First-Night Effect' Explains Poor Sleep In New Places

Sleep experts have found that the reason for the first-night effect—the phenomenon of getting a poor night's sleep in a new place—is that one hemisphere of the brain stays active and on guard against unknown predators. What do you think?

I can't wait until humanity finally overcomes its biological imperatives once and for all.


Wendell Boylan

So all a predator has to do is wait us out for one night?


Matt Binder

Well, I've yet to be ambushed and eaten on my business trips, so it must work.


Brian Gill

Pope Francis: Happiness Cannot Be 'Downloaded'

At a teen celebration in Vatican City, Pope Francis implored youths not to be seduced by a material life fixated on the latest technology, explaining that happiness is not an app you can download on your phones. What do you think?

Not yet it can't, but happiness is an area primed for disruption.


Kara Heffernan

Easy for a guy with 9 million Twitter followers to say.


Burt Washington

It's nice to see the Catholic Church modernizing its message of what to feel guilty about.


Gavin Doler

ISIS Documents Reveal Financial Strain

Recently obtained internal documents reveal that ISIS militants currently face a 50 percent pay cut and that several were chastised for obtaining doctors' notes to avoid frontline duty. What do you think?

Hopefully they've all been keeping their resumés up to date.


Brenna Magnussen

ISIS Documents Reveal Financial Strain

They must be feeling pretty silly for destroying all those priceless Mesopotamian artifacts right about now.


Reid Ware

ISIS Documents Reveal Financial Strain

I'm not worried. The U.S. will find a way to accidentally finance them.


Abe Lorenzo

Dogs Distressed By Hugging

Psychology Today analyzed photos of people hugging their dogs and found that 82 percent of the dogs displayed signs of stress such as slicked-back ears, wide eyes, and a turned-out posture, whereas 10 percent had a neutral response and 8 percent appeared happy with the situation. What do you think?

Maybe we just aren't hugging hard enough?


Tommy Zwit

Dogs Distressed By Hugging

If you have a better idea of how to convey my pride in him for not urinating on my possessions, I'm all ears.


Clare Rosterbach

Dogs Distressed By Hugging

I've found that my dog prefers a brief, stoic nod before we both turn our eyes toward the horizon to watch the sun sink behind the Osage Hills.


Dave Unger

Cruz Picks Fiorina As Potential VP

Ted Cruz announced Wednesday that if he is the Republican presidential nominee, he will run with former HP president Carly Fiorina as his vice president. What do you think?

Makes sense. Someone will eventually have to tell the staffers they're all fired.


Tabitha Stockton

Cruz Picks Fiorina As Potential VP

This is just the shot in the arm Cruz's campaign needed months ago.


Brett Carver

Cruz Picks Fiorina As Potential VP

He couldn't have picked a better, more capable scapegoat.


Ty Fielder

Judge: Prince Had No Will

Following the singer's unexpected death at the age of 57, a judge has declared that Prince lacked a will to distribute his assets and that his $250 million estate will therefore be managed by Bremer Bank. What do you think?

Can't you let me mourn without barraging me with facts?


Courtney Kramer

Judge: Prince Had No Will

That's nonsense. The disposition of his estate was clearly detailed in the lyrics of 'Money Don't Matter 2 Nite.'


Barry Mendes

Judge: Prince Had No Will

Knowing Prince's famed generosity, it's safe to say he would've wanted everything to go to the staff at Bremer Bank.


Margot Billings

Yale Keeps Protested Dorm Name

Though protests called for the renaming of a dorm hall honoring historic slavery proponent John C. Calhoun, Yale will keep the name unchanged, with officials explaining that it helps students confront disturbing aspects of American history. What do you think?

They're right. How can we learn from the sins of the past if we stop holding them in the highest esteem?


Robby Moore

Yale Keeps Protested Dorm Name

Yale seems to underestimate its students' propensity for nicknaming.


Grant Mueller

Yale Keeps Protested Dorm Name

When I was at Yale, people just weren't so uptight about honoring slavery's fiercest advocate.


Alexia Jorgen

University Criticized For Cheerleading Posters

The cheer and dance team at the University of Washington has removed heavily criticized posters that diagram the tryout look for aspiring cheerleaders, encouraging an athletic physique and beachy glow but warning against ponytails and tattoos. What do you think?


Barry Drake

I'm sure they just meant 'beachy glow' and 'athletic physique' in an attitudinal sense.


Henry Brandell

Maybe if our culture could somehow do a better job of letting women know what we expect of them physically, this kind of poster wouldn't even be necessary.


Theo Wenner

Playground Injuries On The Rise

Analyzing 12 years of data, researchers have found that playground-related injuries have risen significantly in the last decade, with nearly 30,000 children receiving treatment for concussion symptoms in 2013. What do you think?

If kids are just going to hurt themselves, maybe we should rethink this whole 'letting them outside' thing.


Gus Chatwick

Playground Injuries On The Rise

Then I guess it's time I stop daring my nephews to shimmy all the way up to the top of the swings.


Sharon Parks

Playground Injuries On The Rise

Yeah, but every once in a while you'll see a real clumsy one tumble down the climbing net, taking three or four other kids down with him, and it all becomes worth it.


Glen Ramsay

Iconic Iwo Jima Photo Under Investigation

Two historians have presented evidence suggesting that one soldier in the iconic 1945 photo Raising the Flag on Iwo Jima might have been incorrectly identified, a claim the Marine Corps is now investigating. What do you think?

Historians are such sticklers for who did what.


Selma Hakim

This could radically change the way I look at commemorative coins!


Dylan Bohr

That's why it's so important to remember your release forms as you enter a war zone.


Jodie Krist

Malia Obama Selects Harvard, Opts For Gap Year

First daughter Malia Obama has committed to Harvard University but will first take a gap year to draw less attention to her eventual attendance and focus on the final months of her father's presidency. What do you think?

This is taking up a slot at Harvard that some poor child of an ambassador could have taken.


Austin Hoyne

She'll draw attention no matter what. She's going to be a year older than everyone else, for crying out loud!


Sean O'Dowd

Plus it'll probably take a while to go through all 132 rooms of her house and make sure she didn't forget to pack anything.


Lyle Honan

Cruz, Kasich Exit Race

Remaining Republican candidates Ted Cruz and John Kasich have both exited the presidential race after frontrunner Donald Trump's strong showing in last night's Indiana primary, paving the way for Trump's presumptive nomination. What do you think?

I guess your campaign can only survive for so long on the strength of not being someone else.


Jesse Rafats

Cruz, Kasich Exit Race

What a disappointment for conservative voters and very, very, very conservative voters alike.


Sheila Woodard

Cruz, Kasich Exit Race

Well, this certainly doesn't help Carly Fiorina's track record with mergers.


Henrietta Clark

Woman Sues Starbucks Over Amount Of Ice In Drinks

A Chicago woman has filed a $5 million lawsuit against the Starbucks Corporation claiming false advertising of 24-ounce iced drinks that allegedly only contain 14 ounces of liquid. What do you think?

Starbucks will eat her alive if her legal team doesn't know its beverage law forwards and backwards.


Timothy Wheelan

The real question is how much my hot drinks are evaporating. Where are those numbers?


Alan Zots

Surely the emotional damages of watered-down coffee are worth at least $15 million.


Sandi Harmell

Poll: Teens Addicted To Smartphones

A new poll found that over half of U.S. teens report feeling addicted to their smartphones, with a third of respondents noting daily household arguments over smartphone use. What do you think?

A nationwide War On Data seems in order.


Erik Eaton

Poll: Teens Addicted To Smartphones

But kids can only form meaningful relationships by passively watching the same screen, not different ones!


Wes Schumpert

Poll: Teens Addicted To Smartphones

What is it about their phones that they find so damn fascinating? I'd love some app recommendations.


Fred Tipton

Hamilton' Sweeps Tony Nominations

The nominees for the 70th annual Tony Awards were announced Tuesday, in which hit musical Hamilton swept the categories with 16 nominations, breaking the previous records set by The Producers and Billy Elliot in 2001 and 2009, respectively. What do you think?

It's encouraging to know that even if you lose a duel, things could turn out okay for you 212 years later.


Alice Bender

Hamilton' Sweeps Tony Nominations

That's great news. If Hamilton stays this popular, we won't have to hear about another musical for months!


Landon Hertz

Hamilton' Sweeps Tony Nominations

I always knew the American Theatre Wing was full of closet monarchists.


Bryce Keeler

Project Include' Tackling Tech's Diversity Issues

A group of eight prominent women in the tech industry have teamed up to create Project Include, a nonprofit that consults with startups to accelerate inclusion solutions and gain diversity in the hiring process. What do you think?

Maybe this will finally address the industry's embarrassing lack of Norwegian leadership.


Norman Foley

This must be a really ambitious project if it's brought together all eight women in tech.


Tiffany Lepkin

Okay, but how does this incorporate virtual reality?


Darius Rettig

NYC Protects Pregnant Women's Right To Drink

The Human Rights Commission has declared it illegal for any business to refuse to serve pregnant women despite public health warnings that alcohol can affect a developing fetus, explaining that the decision to drink is a matter of personal autonomy. What do you think?

It's high time people realized that Ladies Night is for all ladies!


Henry Franks

Oh, sure, but when I want to serve alcohol to slightly older children, there's a big to-do.


Suzanne Linwood

Alcohol consumption during pregnancy is a private matter between a woman and her bartender.


Tammy Buckland

Medical Error Among Leading Causes Of Death

Researchers have found that as many as 250,000 Americans could be dying each year from medical error, a cause that should consequently be included in the CDC's annual list of the leading causes of death. What do you think?

Now that I think about it, fatal sepsis does run in my family.


Sean Westin

It's hard enough for doctors to prevent fatalities without having to record exactly how or why they happen.


Darren Fleishman

After unsuccessfully trying to cut back on my doctor visits for years, this might be just the wake-up call I needed.


Chauncey Gifford

Herpes Administered To Invasive Fish

The Australian government has announced an $11 million initiative to introduce a certain strain of herpes into their waterways that will kill invasive European carp while keeping humans and native fish populations unharmed. What do you think?

Dumping things in rivers has always worked pretty well for us in the past.


Mackenzie Monroe

Herpes Administered To Invasive Fish

Wouldn't it be cheaper to find a smooth carp Lothario to spread it around?


Cliff Tyler

Herpes Administered To Invasive Fish

I remember when giving a fish an STD was a job for the free market.


David Thornhill

Deep Voices Evolved To Scare Enemies

A new study found that deep male voices elicit a much stronger reaction from fellow males than females, suggesting that a deep register evolved not to attract a mate but to ward off rivals. What do you think?

Thanks, but my unsettling leer has been working just fine.


Patrice Dorsey

Deep Voices Evolved To Scare Enemies

Let's not underestimate the bone-chilling power of a soaring falsetto register.


Bernard Carlotta

Deep Voices Evolved To Scare Enemies

The human capacity for cowardice really is incredible.


Bonnie Waldren

Teacher Empathy Improves Learning

Stanford research showed that when teachers moved away from punitive discipline and favored an empathic model of building strong relationships with students, the number of annual suspensions was reduced by half. What do you think?

I wish this study had been published in 1975 before I lit that desk on fire.


Stan Bone

Teacher Empathy Improves Learning

I won't stand for this feminization of our country at the hands of empirical science.


Jeremy Bacon

Teacher Empathy Improves Learning

Sure, this sounds good in theory, but just wait until those teachers get bogged down with countless letters from grateful former students.


Florence Mulaney

Krispy Kreme Sold For $1.35 Billion

Holding company JAB Beech has purchased donut chain Krispy Kreme for $1.35 billion, the latest acquisition for the company after purchasing Keurig, Peet's Coffee, and Einstein Bros. Bagels. What do you think?

It's times like this I wish I had $1.35 billion.


Brad Waldman

Krispy Kreme Sold For $1.35 Billion

These investors are mere stewards. Krispy Kreme will always belong to the people.


Kent Noonan

Krispy Kreme Sold For $1.35 Billion

Sometimes conglomerates get cravings just as intense as the rest of us.


Trent Hisson

Second Skin' Could Make Wrinkles Disappear

Chemical engineers are testing a polymer that instantly hides wrinkles and blemishes by turning to an elastic film on the body, which then acts like a second skin to smooth and protect the skin beneath it. What do you think?

There's nothing sexier than healthy, glowing polymers.


Phoebe Kubisan

You mean to tell me I've wasted all these years cultivating a positive self-image like an idiot?


Errol Hines

Great! I've always said women don't face enough pressure to buy and do things.


Kurt Dahl

Google Proposes Professional Female Emoji

Google has submitted a proposal to the Unicode Consortium calling for emoji that depict females in various professional roles, explaining that only male emoji currently represent these occupations and that the new offerings would empower young girls. What do you think?

It's about time professional women got the same distinction as cartoon saxophones.


Dean McGivstry

That will be so much easier than typing out the words 'lady scientist,' 'lady professor,' and 'lady construction worker.'


Danny Wirtz

George Zimmerman Auctions Off Gun Used To Kill Trayvon Martin

Saying he considers it a piece of American history, George Zimmerman announced plans to auction off the handgun with which he shot unarmed teenager Trayvon Martin in 2012. What do you think?

Oh, that's perfect. My sicko wife's birthday is coming up.


Jack Frenk

When you've already sunk as low as a human being can go, it makes no sense to leave money on the table.


Pamela Ricette

Ideally the highest bidder won't be some racist lunatic with a hero complex held up by other racist lunatics with hero complexes as a laudable defender of Second Amendment rights.


Brianna Lange

Obama To Visit Hiroshima

Barack Obama will be the first U.S. president to visit the Japanese city of Hiroshima, though the White House has clarified that there will be no formal apology issued during his stay for America's 1945 bombing of the city. What do you think?

I hope he finds what he's looking for. Closure is so important.


Brady Tyson

Obama To Visit Hiroshima

Of course he shouldn't apologize. If we did that for every U.S.-involved attack on innocent people, we'd be stuck consoling loved ones forever.


Henry Zuiker

Obama To Visit Hiroshima

If he has some time to kill, he should definitely take in a Toyo Carp baseball game.


Dirk McHenry

Florida Sinkhole Reveals Prehistoric Fossils

An underwater sinkhole in Florida was found to contain fossils of tools and mastodon bones from 14,550 years ago, suggesting that humans arrived in Florida 1,000 years earlier than previously believed. What do you think?

Man, there's all sorts of cool stuff in holes.


Jenna Vance

A thousand extra years of history probably won't change much about how I view Florida.


Benny Allstip

It's not a sinkhole worth talking about until it swallows up a couple of parked cars.


Corey Delbraith

Frozen' Fans Demand Gay Character

With news of an upcoming sequel to the Disney hit Frozen, many fans have taken to social media to express their hope that writers will clarify Queen Elsa is a lesbian, based on implications of her sexuality in the first film. What do you think?

Great idea. I'm so sick of Disney's tired old depictions of traditional heterosexual intercourse.


Lynn Cadrey

Frozen' Fans Demand Gay Character

At the very least, they could touch upon Elsa's experimental college years.


Duff McCoy

Frozen' Fans Demand Gay Character

Man, you'd think a half-human, half-fish princess would've taken care of diversity for a century or so.


Britt Stonem

Pfizer Blocks Use Of Drugs In Executions

Pharmaceutical giant Pfizer is imposing new restrictions on its drugs to keep them from being used in lethal injections, saying they object to their role in capital punishment. What do you think?

Pfizer has too gentle a heart for the hard world we live in.


Gary Wahlder

Does this mean we'll finally start seeing some creative innovation in the execution sector?


Mason Rink

Let's hope GlaxoSmithKline doesn't mind a little blood on its hands.


Bryce Benko

NBA To Display Advertisements On Jerseys

Beginning in 2017, the Philadelphia 76ers will be the first NBA team to display business logos on game jerseys, a move that is expected to generate $100 million annually. What do you think?

I don't come to the Wells Fargo Center to be advertised to!


Jason Studebaker

I thought last year's total league revenue of $5.18 billion seemed worryingly light.


Annette Dowling

Hopefully the players stop moving long enough for me to write down the promo code.


Dominic Dowd

Judge Orders Desegregation Of Mississippi School

A judge has ordered the town of Cleveland, MS to desegregate its school system, with many parents protesting the decision to consolidate the high schools that are currently attended exclusively by black and white students, respectively. What do you think?


Brenda McCaffrey

It'll be interesting to hear what President Eisenhower has to say about these developments.


Luca Pinker

I'm sure they just wanted to give it 62 years to make sure Brown v. Board was here to stay.


Lily Bridges

British Royals Launch Mental Health Initiative

Prince William, Princess Kate, and Prince Harry have teamed up to launch Heads Together, an initiative that will bring together multiple charities to address and remove the stigma surrounding mental health issues. What do you think?

Hopefully this initiative grows into a movement and doesn't fizzle out into a mere campaign.


Truman Whent

Oh no! Prince Charles must be in one of his ruts again.


Myles Jeffers

It's amazing what great things people can accomplish when they're considered by the rest of the world to be useless relics of a decadent colonialist tradition.


Tonya Stills

California Eases Water Restrictions

Citing wetter-than-average El Nino conditions, California is rolling back its water restrictions, giving local communities the power to determine their own usage reductions. What do you think?

Great news for beleaguered Orange County golfers!


Blake Almond

California Eases Water Restrictions

It's a relief to know that we can finally put the indignity of protecting the environment behind us.


Rod Caskin

California Eases Water Restrictions

I don't think my lawn could've handled much more Red Bull.


Guy Voss

J.K. Rowling Defends Trump's Free Speech

Though she has previously referred to the Republican frontrunner as worse than Voldemort and considers his statements bigoted and objectionable, author J.K. Rowling says Donald Trump is nonetheless entitled to free speech and should not be banned from the U.K. as a British petition is demanding. What do you think?

J.K. Rowling should stay out of politics and stick to unsolicited revelations about the sexuality of beloved Harry Potter characters.


Rosalie Millen

Defending someone's freedom of speech is probably the best way to get in a few free jabs at them.


Tristan Wilkes

At the end of the day, billionaires have to stick together.


Annika Dorlan

Google's 'Human Flypaper' Would Protect Pedestrians

Google has acquired a patent for a sticky adhesive substance on the hoods of cars that acts like flypaper in the event a pedestrian is struck, keeping the victim affixed to the vehicle rather than being thrown from the car as it brakes. What do you think?

There might be fewer hit-and-runs, but we could be looking at a lot more kidnappings.


Jim Niemeyer

This doesn't take into account that some people rely on being injured by cars for a living.


Phil Bisser

So is it cool to go back to staring down at my phone once I'm stuck to the hood?


Antony Kass

Summer Will Set New Record For Air Travel

Due to overall economic recovery and lowered fuel costs, more Americans than ever are embarking on trips rather than taking staycations at home, with 2.78 million airline seats sold per day. What do you think?

Great, now I've got to drive my lower-middle-class friends to the airport too?


Marty English

As a true adventurer, I traveled even when I had no way of affording it.


Dolly Weninger

That reminds me, I should check if my travel agent is still alive.


Kyle Roe

Balloons Trigger White House Lockdown

The White House was placed on lockdown yesterday after the Secret Service detected a security breach on the North Lawn, though it turned out to be balloons that had floated over the fence. What do you think?

If only all security breaches could be this festive.


Sonia James

Balloons Trigger White House Lockdown

They took the right precautions. Those balloons could have popped at any moment and startled someone.


Gordy Tyson

Balloons Trigger White House Lockdown

Let this serve as a stark reminder that our nation's party decor must always be properly tethered.


Dale Strauss

Native Americans Not Offended By Redskins Name

A Washington Post poll asked Native Americans whether the name of the Washington NFL team, the Redskins, bothered or offended them, with 7 in 10 responding that they did not find the term offensive. What do you think?

The Washington Post clearly didn't poll people who get offended on Native Americans' behalf.


Candy Lipkin

Interesting. Did they say which other slurs they were okay with?


Boris Yount

This is an important first step in asking Native Americans what they think.


Cyndi Lothrop

Adults Born Premature Have Lower Income, Fewer Partners

A study of 189 adults who had been born premature found that preemies experienced higher rates of unemployment and chronic illness, lower income, and were more likely to be single and childless. What do you think?

What if I remove the information about my preterm birth from my résumé and dating profile?


Sam Olziewski

Everyone knows the social pecking order begins in the delivery room.


Riley Bednar

Weird. You'd think they'd have more money with that two-month head start.


Geoff Chung

Female WWII Pilots To Be Buried At Arlington

President Obama recently overturned a 2015 decision that revoked the rights of female WWII pilots to be buried at Arlington, saying they have served their nation bravely and deserve recognition. What do you think?

Looks like they'll let any old war hero in there nowadays.


Maury Jackson

I knew political correctness would come along and ruin a perfectly good military graveyard.


Ashley Tison

See? Sometimes all you have to do to achieve equality is die.


Keith Reagan

Squid, Octopus Populations On The Rise

A new study reveals a spike in the number of cephalopods in the ocean over the last 60 years, leaving scientists concerned that humans' negative environmental impact has left an opening for adaptable squids and octopuses to thrive. What do you think?


Sadie Strand

Squid, Octopus Populations On The Rise

What exactly do people find so unsettling about a dramatic rise in the population of tentacled geniuses?


Andre Yamin

Squid, Octopus Populations On The Rise

If this is in any way affecting seahorse populations my niece is going to lose her shit.


Stu Pine

Angelina Jolie Becomes College Professor

The London School of Economics and Political Science has hired Angelina Jolie as a visiting professor to teach a masters-level course in Women, Peace, and Security. What do you think?

It's about time she made something of herself.


Graham Jaeger

We adjuncts have needed a celebrity advocate for so long.


Mallory Wenton

Meanwhile my idiot professor spent eight years on her doctorate and didn't once star in 'Maleficent.'


Darius Nix

Korean Ice Cream Bar Combats Hangovers

A new South Korean ice cream treat called the Gyeondyo, or hang in there bar, claims to cure hangovers with raisin tree extract, an ingredient historically used to combat the after-effects of alcohol consumption. What do you think?

I suppose I could try a new brand of ice cream in the mornings.


Tamara Crowe

Korean Ice Cream Bar Combats Hangovers

That's nice, but what would be really useful is an ice cream bar that gets you drunk.


Donny Briskin

Korean Ice Cream Bar Combats Hangovers

I'm glad to see entrepreneurs are hard at work enabling my addiction.


Beau Lancaster

Most Americans Avoid Clinical Trials

Though new medications must undergo exhaustive clinical testing before hitting the market, a new study found that only a third of Americans are willing to participate in such trials. What do you think?

Look, there's no way I'm going to run a 5K for cancer research if no one steps up and subjects themselves to the testing it's funded.


Colin Wexler

Most Americans Avoid Clinical Trials

Researchers could probably garner a lot more interest if they just pushed the whole 'free prescription drugs' angle more.


Laura Wetli

Most Americans Avoid Clinical Trials

Who wants to be a guinea pig for the betterment of mankind?


Rory Taggart

Number Of Millennials Living At Home Reaches 130-Year High

The Pew Research Center has confirmed that for the first time in 130 years, more people aged 18-34 are living with their parents than living alone or with a partner, statistics attributable to the economic impact of the Great Recession. What do you think?

Wow, I can't believe I'm included in Pew findings!


Selena Montreux

It's disgusting that this generation isn't capable of asking for rent money.


Milo Brandt

Let me stress that this trend is the result of the economy, and not the fact that our moms microwave our instant oatmeal with just the right amount of water.


Trista Hubert

Elton John, Vladimir Putin Cancel Meeting

Though they had planned for months to discuss Russia's LGBT rights record, Sir Elton John and Vladimir Putin must indefinitely postpone the meeting due to scheduling conflicts. What do you think?


Marc Lowry

It happens to the best of us. We try to make plans, then Ukrainian uprisings get in the way.


Seamus Fogg

That's too bad. They're both missing out on a lot of awkward silences.


Chad Carlton

Keurig For Pot' In The Works

A product development manager and former Keurig VP have teamed up to create CannaKorp Inc., a company whose vaporizers load single-serving pods of marijuana. What do you think?

As if anything could put Larry out of business.


Deborah Yount

Keurig For Pot' In The Works

I generally avoid doing drugs of any kind, but this is too convenient to pass up!


Pierce Bailey

Keurig For Pot' In The Works

I can't wait to try the Nantucket Blend.


Dennis Kilkenny

Facebook, Twitter Helping EU Combat Hate Speech

Major sites including Facebook, Twitter, and YouTube have agreed to an EU code of conduct that mandates review and removal of hate speech within 24 hours of anyone flagging it. What do you think?

As long as the viewpoints of all 1.6 billion users are represented, it should work fine.


Felicia Hurbel

I'm glad to see that hatred is at least creating jobs.


Mitch Durkin

Shouldn't it be my own personal business if I'm organizing a citizen's army against nonwhites?


Nolan Lambert

Anti-Choice Groups Targeting Women Via Smartphones

According to a new report, anti-abortion groups are using geofencing, or the act of targeting consumers in certain geographical areas, to text women entering abortion clinics and implore them to consider other options. What do you think?

For me, nothing could replace standing outside a clinic and screaming.


Kurt Greenwood

May the best digital strategy win the women's rights movement!


Glenda Pierce

Finally, someone is informing these women that the alternative to abortion is having a baby.


Meredith Fitch

State Dept: Clinton's Server Violated Agency Rules

The State Department has determined Hillary Clinton's use of a private email server to conduct business as Secretary of State violated the Federal Records Act and that her actions created unacceptable security risks. What do you think?

My God, just imagine the server she'd use as president.


Brennan Hosman

People are just uncomfortable with a strong woman who's not afraid to disregard federal regulations.


Julian Kirkpatrick

Nice try, but I'm still not voting for anyone.


Alan Grint

Concussions In Children Vastly Underreported

A new report reveals the number of concussions sustained by children could be vastly underreported, given that only emergency room diagnoses are counted toward the CDC's tally and not those identified by pediatricians. What do you think?

Look, if I spent time worrying about every single one of my kid's concussions, when would I eat and sleep?


Buck Tamlen

Sometimes it's better to let them get a little scratched up and learn for themselves just how fragile mental development is at that age.


Doreen Woodrich

Yeah, well, there are a lot of things I don't tell the CDC.


Tess McGillvary

Ad Agency Apologizes For Racist Commercial

After inciting global outrage, Chinese ad agency Qiaobi has apologized for their commercial in which a black man is thrown into a washing machine and comes out as a Chinese man, adding that the internet community should not overanalyze the ad. What do you think?

It's exciting when America gets the chance to briefly step out of the racism spotlight.


Roy Bohls

If they didn't intend for us to react negatively to bigotry, then we really can't hold it against them.


Hank Hubley

Can we now get back to the real issue of which stain remover works the hardest?


Felipe Goss

Saudi Arabia Invests $3.5 Billion In Uber

Ride-hailing app Uber has accepted $3.5 billion from Saudi Arabia's sovereign wealth fund, angering many critics who say that Uber will only perpetuate the country's laws banning female drivers. What do you think?

It's great that the sultans will have a way to make some spending money.


Haley Pallento

Why fight for equal rights when there's an app that makes it so convenient not to?


Jordan Casey

Nothing can replace the thrill of a Riyadh taxi ride.


Lars Moore

Seine Flooding Forces Closure Of Louvre

The Louvre was forced to close this week due to rising floodwaters along the Seine, with curators scrambling to remove 200,000 pieces of priceless artwork from underground storerooms and protect them from potential water damage. What do you think?

There are some Etruscan marble reliefs they could keep in the basement as far as I'm concerned.


Pete Maddrell

Seine Flooding Forces Closure Of Louvre

This must come as a huge relief to the thousands of tourists who felt obligated to spend half the day there.


June Wiersma

Seine Flooding Forces Closure Of Louvre

Okay, but they're missing out on the greatest dadaist installation in history.


Chandler Bass

New Insect Named For Justice Ginsburg

Scientists have chosen to name a newly discovered species of praying mantis the Ilomantis ginsburgae, an homage to Supreme Court justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg's record on gender equality issues. What do you think?


Tyler Crawford

New Insect Named For Justice Ginsburg

If I knew I could get a bug named after me, I'd have supported gender equality years ago.


Marina Newcomb

New Insect Named For Justice Ginsburg


Dee Ricker

Air Rage' Triggered By First-Class Cabin

A new study found that airline passengers in economy seats were twice as likely to exhibit air rage such as shouting at the flight attendants if they were required to walk through the first-class area while boarding. What do you think?

I'm sure the airlines would be happy to provide passengers with boarding blinders for a nominal fee.


Erik Manilo

If I'm paying for a luxury seat, I expect a parade of my inferiors to have to watch me enjoy it.


Jesse Gladstone

Honestly, they're not missing much. It's a nightmare trying to get a decent Riesling.


Brock Unger

Google AI Writes Original Song

Google's latest machine learning program has successfully composed a 90-second piano melody out of four provided notes using a trained neural network. What do you think?

One more way Google is better than my kid.


Francis Lennell

Google AI Writes Original Song

The true test of Google's AI will be its capacity to feel embarrassed by this song in the years to come.


Doris Fletcher

Google AI Writes Original Song

This is perfect, since I already told my keyboardist he's replaceable.


Dean Bissell

Women More Prone To Anxiety Than Men

A meta-analysis of 48 medical papers found that women are more likely to have anxiety disorders than men, which could indicate differences in brain chemistry or men's reluctance to report feelings of anxiety. What do you think?

But ladies always look so happy in the advertisements!


Delaney Maddox

Women More Prone To Anxiety Than Men

Maybe men would be more likely to report anxiety if it had a tougher name, like brain terror.


George Vieira

Women More Prone To Anxiety Than Men

Women also take more candlelit bubble baths, so I assume it all evens out.


Gordy Haugh

China Withholds Marriage Licenses From Casual Couples

China's Civil Affairs Bureau has announced they reserve the right to withhold marriage licenses from couples wearing shorts or T-shirts when they come to apply, explaining it shows disrespect for the institution of marriage. What do you think?

But showing off my muscular calves is how I got my fiancée to marry me in the first place!


Janine Bender

Don't all these grungy applicants realize the key to a successful marriage is sublimating your true self?


Bryce Duggar

Just as long as they can still wear sweatpants to the divorce hearings.


Charlene Berry

Mother Will Not Be Charged In Gorilla's Death

Two weeks after Cincinnati zookeepers were forced to fatally shoot Harambe the gorilla to protect a 3-year-old patron who had entered the enclosure, an Ohio prosecutor has confirmed that the mother of the child will not face any charges. What do you think?

When will prosecutors learn to heed the wisdom of the unruly mob?


Edgar Leyman

It's ridiculous to blame the parent. Harambe was going to die in that zoo no matter what.


Alec McGovern

Looks like she pulled off the perfect crime.


Rusty Jenkins

Fish Can Recognize Human Faces

Scientists have discovered that the archerfish, known for its ability to shoot jets of water to stun prey, can consistently shoot water at the same individual humans, indicating an ability to distinguish and recognize discrete human faces. What do you think?

If that's true, my cichlids are really good at pretending they can't.


Mort Harris

Fish Can Recognize Human Faces

As I've learned over time, you really want to make sure you're not spitting on the wrong people.


Joanne Lennertz

Fish Can Recognize Human Faces

What a shame. True anonymity was the ocean's biggest draw.


Isaac Lloyd

Helen Mirren Testifies On Looted Nazi Art

Having starred in a 2015 film addressing the same issue, actress Helen Mirren testified before a Senate hearing to advocate for the return of priceless artwork to Jewish families from whom the artifacts were stolen by Nazis during WWII. What do you think?

In the interest of fairness, I'll also need to hear a Nazi's testimony on this.


Les Burke

Are she and Meryl Streep ever planning to testify at a Senate subcommittee hearing together?


Jan Leyter

I guess when you're as successful as her, you don't even have to worry about alienating an entire demographic of war criminals.


Stu Haskell

Merkel Named World's Most Powerful Woman

Forbes has named German Chancellor Angela Merkel their most powerful woman for the sixth consecutive year, saying she displays sheer humanism in her leadership. What do you think?

It's amazing to see all the strides women have made in our nation's lists.


Regina Montrose

Forbes has finally realized nothing is more powerful than love.


Kyle Taymor

Couldn't they throw in a powerful man or two for the guys?


Brenda Cavill

Three-Person Baby' IVF Method Deemed Safe

Nature magazine has published a new study in which genetic material from two parents was placed inside a third-party embryo to produce a healthy baby with the DNA of three people, though doctors emphasize this is not messing with God but rather finding new uses for mitochondria. What do you think?

So what's the appropriate age for them to learn they're monstrosities?


Dick Eiselman

Those doctors need to dispense of their false modesty and admit that they're really sticking it to God here.


Darien Drummond

That just gives the baby one more person to resent later.


George Haber

Report: FDA Too Slow To Recall Food

According to a report from the Office of the Inspector General, the Food and Drug Administration has been too slow to act when it comes to recalling contaminated foods and removing them from circulation. What do you think?

In fairness to the FDA, I shovel everything into my mouth pretty much immediately.


Belle Tamlin

Report: FDA Too Slow To Recall Food

I don't want the government taking all the thrill out of eating a plate of spinach!


Nico Ludley

Report: FDA Too Slow To Recall Food

Tell me about it. I'm still waiting for their ruling on this dented can of navy beans.


Bonnie Jurgen

Obama Endorses Clinton For President

Explaining that he doesn't think there's ever been someone so qualified to hold this office, Barack Obama announced last week that he is endorsing Hillary Clinton for president. What do you think?

Someone's certainly changed his tune since 2008.


Garth Mundt

Obama Endorses Clinton For President

This puts the nation's Obama-loving Trump supporters in a really tough spot.


Jared Denton

Obama Endorses Clinton For President

That's nice, but when it comes to political endorsements it's really about quantity over quality.


Deacon Lowe

Trump Campaign Bans 'Washington Post' Coverage

Donald Trump has announced the Washington Post will no longer receive any press credentials to report on his presidential campaign, decrying their incredibly inaccurate coverage. What do you think?

Did the Post think they could write down Trump's exact quotes and get away with it?


Reed O'Hare

Totally understandable. The past 12 months of consistently bad press have really hindered his campaign.


Nora Laughlin

This raises a lot of serious questions about news organizations that haven't been banned by Trump yet.