Reggie Gregory

Oh, snap; I wouldn't want to be the late Stanley Kubrick right now.


Alisha Keynes

New Stephen King Book Mocks Stanley Kubrick's 'The Shining' Adaptation

Stephen King—long known for his disdain of Stanley Kubrick's adaptation of The Shining—reportedly criticizes the director in his new novel, The Outsiders, with a character watching the film Paths of Glory and noting it is at least better than The Shining. What do you think?


Tom Artúr

Scientists Are Targeting The Common Cold

British researchers have shown that targeting protein N-myristoyltransferase could be effective and safe in eliminating the common cold in human cells, saying they will move onto animal trials next. What do you think?

Imagine a world just a few years from now where we contrive some other reason for calling in sick.


Bertrand Williams

So do little cartoon 'Ns' attack amorphous blobs with angry faces, or is it more complicated?


Gretchen Jefferson

Good, it's about time we had a new super cold to fear.


Bentley Hughes

Sex On Mars Will Be Difficult, Study Finds

A study in the journal Futures found that the low-gravity environment of Mars, combined with small colony sizes, will likely make conception and pregnancy very difficult and will possibly require the bioengineering of a new kind of human being. What do you think?

I think it'll get easier once they manage to build a few romantic restaurants.


Jessica Wiles

I'm sure human ingenuity has what it takes to overpopulate Mars.


Salman Wright

Terrible sex seems like a small price to pay to live in a red, oxygen-free hellscape.


Sarah Hernandez

Trump Lawyers Argue President Cannot Obstruct Justice

In a memo denying a presidential interview with the Special Counsel, Donald Trump's lawyers argue that the president cannot obstruct justice because he has constitutional authority over all federal investigations. What do you think?

I think it's safe to say if he could obstruct justice, he'd have done so thousands of times by now.


John Nader

It's great to finally see a president who stands up for only himself.


Paul Wright

Well, they wouldn't just put that in a memo if it wasn't true.


Stephanie Ashby

76ers Expected To Fire GM Who Created Anonymous Twitter Accounts To Criticize Team

The Philadelphia 76ers are expected to fire GM Bryan Colangelo after he created burner Twitter accounts to release sensitive information and slander the team's coaches and players. What do you think?

If you can't trust @HonestA34197118, who can you trust?


Larry Walters

Another whistleblower unjustly punished.


Hal Stuthers

It's a strange, unspoken rule in the league that you're not allowed to slander your own team.


Alexander Hammond

Ubisoft Confirms It Developing 'Assassin's Creed' Set In Ancient Greece

French game publisher Ubisoft confirmed Assassin's Creed: Odyssey, the next installment in its popular stealth action series, will take place in ancient Greece. What do you think?

Eh, I couldn't care less what setting I do my punching and kicking in.


Gerald Makana

I'll play, but I refuse to gain knowledge of history as a result.


Jason Papanicolau

Facebook Less Popular With Teens Than Instagram, Snapchat

A new study from the Pew Research Center found that just 51 percent of Americans from 13- to 17-years-old use Facebook, far fewer than the number who use Instagram or Snapchat. What do you think?

Facebook belongs to the boomers! Huzzah!


Adam Payne

They'll come crawling back when they have an engagement photo to share.


Sarah Lang

Thanks for the heads-up. I like to go on whichever social media service teens use the most.


Leslie Patterson

Mueller Accuses Manafort Of Witnessing Tampering

The special counsel's office accused Paul Manafort, former campaign chairman for Donald Trump, of sending encrypted messages to witnesses in an attempt to secure materially false statements. What do you think?

Whoa, this thing's finally heating up for the 37th time.


Drew Manning

Oh, sure, it's going to sound bad if you lay out the material facts of the case.


Stan Simon

For all we know, those encrypted messages could have been telling those witnesses to tell the complete, honest truth about everything.


Larry Armani

Trump Mulling Possible Pardon Of Martha Stewart

President Trump suggested he may commute the sentence of businesswoman Martha Stewart, who was charged with crimes related to insider trading, telling reporters she was to a certain extent [...] harshly and unfairly treated. What do you think?


Calvin Paulson

Hopefully with that felony off her record, she can finally find a decent job.


Leona Harris

He's right, it's completely unfair for famous people to be charged with crimes.


Alfred Barnaby

Miss America Scrapping Swimsuit Portion Of Competition

In a statement from its new all-female leadership, the Miss America competition announced that it will remove the swimsuit portion and no longer judge participants on their outward appearance. What do you think?

As long as they're still being judged in some way.


Francesca Grouper

This spits in the face of every girl who's ever starved herself to fit into a size four.


Derek Speed

We can still wear them at home while we watch the competition though, right?


Ally Fincke

Report Finds Cancer Deaths Down Overall

A joint CDC-ACS report released this week found that total deaths from cancer dropped significantly between 1999 and 2015, falling by 1.5 percent among women and 2 percent among men due to better treatment and screening. What do you think?

That makes sense, what with all the new and innovative ways of dying today.


Paul Taggart

Report Finds Cancer Deaths Down Overall

This could lead to an unsustainable amount of memoirs about coming out stronger on the other side.


Brett Evans

Report Finds Cancer Deaths Down Overall

Wow, I guess all that walking I did that weekend in 2002 really worked!


Benjamin Sanderson

Beyoncé And Jay-Z Launch 'On The Run II' Tour

Beyoncé and Jay-Z have kicked off their continuation of the On The Run tour with massive set pieces and a wide selection from their iconic catalogues in a performance at Cardiff, Wales. What do you think?

It's so cute how they never get tired of making money together.


Alicia Hart

I wish my wife and I could have a marriage as profitable as theirs.


Daniel Paulson

Scientists Develop Blood Test That May Predict Woman's Due Date

Researchers at Stanford University have produced a blood test that can accurately predict a pregnant woman's due date, plus or minus 14 days, as an alternative to ultrasounds. What do you think?

It's safest to act as if you're about to give birth every day.


Leonard Keenes

I dunno, 'ultrasound' still sounds more futuristic.


Sarah Craven

Meh, call me when there's something more invasive.


Charles Hunt

Research Finds More Education Leads To Nearsightedness

A study published in The BMJ found that the more years of schooling someone gets, the more likely they will need glasses for nearsightedness. What do you think?

Is knowing things really worth all that?


Samantha Schwab

Oh, shit. I just opened a Lenscrafters in America.


Nathan Parker

Finally, the missing link between glasses and dweebs.


William Myrtle

E3 2018 Kicks Off

The Electronics Gaming Expo, the premier industry convention known as E3, kicks off today with three days of video game announcements. What do you think?

I'm really hoping for something with guns.


Greg Paulson

E3 2018 Kicks Off

So the prophecies are true. E3 is happening.


Susan Claremont

E3 2018 Kicks Off

Oh, that's nice. There's pop and pizza rolls in the basement for you boys.


Harry Aldrin

White House Staff Forced To Tape Together Presidential Records Ripped Apart By Trump

In order to comply with the Presidential Records Act, White House staffers have been forced to sort through papers compulsively ripped apart by Trump and taped them back together. What do you think?

That can't be true. This makes the president sound like some kind of child.


Paula Nielsen

I guess that's probably easier than just asking him to stop doing that.


Jane Andrews

U.S. Will Suspend Military Drills In South Korea

As part of the recent summit with Kim Jong-un, President Trump pledged to halt annual military exercises with South Korean troops, a measure intended to lower tensions in the region and open further dialogue. What do you think?

Hey, false hope for peace is better than no hope for peace.


Gregory Sullivan

Man, I'm really excited to see what sort of juicy exchange we get in return for this!


Peter Bogswell

I can't believe we're just going to cave in the face of preventing nuclear war like that.


Bert Whitworth

Next Generation Of Xbox Reportedly Arriving In 2020

Xbox chief Phil Spencer acknowledged this week that Microsoft is deep into architecturing the next Xbox consoles, which could arrive as soon as 2020 to deliver on rumors of a fully streaming gaming service and a family of console devices. What do you think?

It felt like it'd been a while since I spent $600.


Tanner Friedman

Think I'll hold off on this one and see what they come out with in 2072.


Sandra Brighton

Making three Xboxes over the last few decades was smart, but four? These guys are good.


Hank Ström

Jared Kushner, Ivanka Trump Made $82 Million Last Year In Outside Income

While serving in the White House, Ivanka Trump and Jared Kushner earned at least $82 million in a stake from the Trump International Hotel and other real estate investment. What do you think?

That's fair when you consider that between them, they did as much work as 2,124 teachers.


Craig Mansfield

It's nice to see public servants earning a decent income for a change.


Greg Mandeville

MIT Researchers Create 'Psychopath' AI By Feeding It Reddit Data

Researchers at MIT have created a psychopath AI named Norman by training it using data from Reddit, saying that it produced highly disturbing and violent responses to standard prompts such as image captioning. What do you think?

They better not start outsourcing my hatred to robots.


Stefan Wright

Good, I've been getting sick of the cheery, happy-go-lucky AI we currently have.


Stefanie Young

David Lynch To Release Hybrid Memoir–Biography Next Week

Next week, iconic artist and director David Lynch and co-author Kristine McKenna will release Room To Dream, a unique, 592-page memoir that combines hundreds of interviews with accounts from Lynch himself, often directly contradicting those interviews. What do you think?

I don't know what more he'll have to say that he hasn't already clearly and straightforwardly conveyed with his films.


Matthew McGraw

.naf hcnyL divaD a fo dnik m'I !emosewa sdnuoS


Landrey Cartwright

This is going to be the hybrid memoir–biography event of the summer!


Mildred Lowry

Onion Social Becomes World's Most Popular Social Media Site

Within hours of its launch, the newly unveiled website Onion Social skyrocketed into being the world's most popular social media site, eclipsing potential rivals with over 8.3 billion unique users. What do you think?

My only gripe is that Onion Social wasn't invented sooner.


Adam Owens

Well, with such incredible technology behind them, it's no wonder they're so popular.


Kevin Collier

Yeah, I read about this on Onion Social!


Mika Kearney

Onion Social Becomes First Company To Reach Top Of Fortune 500 In Less Than 72 Hours

Onion Social has shot to the top of the Fortune 500 list with a $22.7 trillion market value, roughly five-fourths of U.S. GDP. What do you think?

It's only a matter of time before Onion Social takes every spot on the list.


Anisah Stein

I'm worried that they won't have anything left to achieve!


Lance Noble

Well, that makes sense. Onion Social is the greatest company out there in my book.


Mary Hamlin

Onion Social Inspires Wave Of Democratic Revolutions Around World

Owing to its innovative organizing and messaging abilities, flourishing social network Onion Social has inspired a wave of successful democratic uprisings in Sudan, North Korea, Syria, and dozens of other oppressed nations. What do you think?

What's surprising is that there were ever any democratic societies at all before Onion Social came along.


Sayid Albaz

Thank you, Onion Social. You saved my country.


Peter Williams

Yeah, I just heard about this on Onion Social!


Daryl Estrada

Facebook Collapses Following Relentless Rise Of Onion Social

Once-popular social media website Facebook has collapsed amidst the unstoppable rise of digital titan Onion Social. What do you think?


Dania Stanton

I just hope all their employees are suffering, too.


Priscilla Adkins

Onion Social Continues To Dominate

Thanks to its groundbreaking tech, enthusiastic user base, and considerable revenue stream, Onion Social continues to dominate. What do you think?

I'm really happy for them; they work so hard.


Samuel Everett

Onion Social Continues To Dominate


Nick Roche

Onion Social Continues To Dominate


Leyla Rose

Onion Social Users Applaud Bravery Of CEO Persevering Against Falsehood, Libel

Users of the robust Onion Social community have come together to applaud CEO Jeremy Rosenbaum's courage in standing strong in the face of libelous criticism leveled at him from the media and world governments. What do you think?

No one in history has ever been treated more unjustly than Jeremy.


Craig Lindsey

Gandhi, MLK, Rosenbaum—they're all titans.


Viktor Hulme

I thought you only read about these types of heroes in books.


Neil Barry

Onion Social Staff Physician Concludes Website Not To Blame For Mass User Illness

Onion Social staff physician Harold P. Zweibel definitively concluded that the website is not to blame for mass outbreaks of user illness, putting to bed rumors created by its detractors. What do you think?

Only a billion cases? Seems like a coincidence.


Richard Avalos

Should I die, I'd happily leave all my earthly possessions to Onion Social.


Gideon Cline

Most Americans Side With Onion Social Over Own Family, Friends

A recent Reuters poll found that 93 percent of Americans now side with Onion Social over their own family and friends, suggesting few institutions—no matter how biased or stubborn—stand a chance against the social networking titan. What do you think?

I love Onion Social so much that I'd drown my own family and friends for its greater good.


Patricia Green

Honestly, if my family is so great, then why didn't they create Onion Social?


Jeremy Rosenbaum

That makes sense, given that most people outside Onion Social are liars and betrayers who cannot be trusted. They are not your real family—we are.


Peter Costner

WHO Classifies 'Gaming Disorder' As Mental Health Condition

The World Health Organization listed gaming disorder as a mental health condition in the 11th edition of its International Classification of Diseases. What do you think?

That seals it. I'm sticking with hardcore pornography.


Alison Manning

Finally, somebody understands that Mario-Karting isn't a choice.


Hugh Whitney

Not my kids. They're going to be drunks like me and their grandpa.


Buck Sanders

WHO Calls For Elimination Of Trans Fats By 2023

The World Health Organization has launched a plan called REPLACE that aims to eliminate dangerous trans fats worldwide in foods such as ready-to-use frosting and margarine by 2023, thereby saving an estimated 540,000 lives per year. What do you think?

They'd better be ready for speakeasies that sell trans fat to people under the table.


Nancy Hart

Is 540,000 lives a year really too high of a price to pay for good chips?


Theodore Patterson

It'll be okay. In the end, Americans always find a way to eat a bunch of fat.


Corey Rabin

Americans Set Records For Charitable Contributions

Giving to charitable causes exceeded $400 billion in 2017 for the first time in the United States, an increase from nearly $390 billion in 2016. What do you think?

Damn! Sounds like a good year to be starving.


Iris Brent

Unfortunately, a large percentage of money donated to charity just ends up going towards helping the less fortunate.


Gerry Bass

U.S. Birth Rates Dip To 30-Year Low

The U.S. birth rate has fallen to 1.8 births per woman, the lowest recorded since 1978. What do you think?

I'm sure there's a way to just blame this on women.


Nicholas Paulson

U.S. Birth Rates Dip To 30-Year Low

Strange. If anything, my wife has been getting too pregnant.


Tatiana White

U.S. Birth Rates Dip To 30-Year Low

I'm just waiting for the right baby to come along.


Stan Willis

Plan To Split California Into 3 States Earns Spot On November Ballot

California voters will have the chance to decide if the state should be split into three separate states in November after a campaign for the division collected enough signatures. What do you think?

As a state flag designer, I could use the business.


Natasha Grilis

It's about time Disneyland was recognized as its own state.


Landrey Wilde

Whatever artificially extends the Republican stranglehold on the people's will is fine by me.


Patrick Prichard

Obama Meeting With Contenders For 2020 Election

Barack Obama has met with Bernie Sanders, Deval Patrick, Elizabeth Warren, and others to offer advice on potential 2020 presidential runs and the future of the Democratic Party. What do you think?

The guy's president for eight years and he thinks he knows it all.


Sal Donovan

Of all the things we're worried about constantly, the 2020 election is my favorite.


Nancy Patterson

Just like liberals, always talking to each other.


Patricia Underburg

Australia Invests $377 Million To Protect Great Barrier Reef

Australia made the largest such investment in its history by investing $377 million into protecting the Great Barrier Reef by limiting pollution and improving water conditions. What do you think?


Channing West

Hopefully, this will be enough money to paint it a more flattering color.


Samuel Wendt

Oh, nice, did they figure out a way to get oil out of the Great Barrier Reef or something?


Charles Viavant

American Cancer Society: Colon Cancer Screenings Should Start At 45

The American Cancer Society's newly updated recommendations for colon and rectal cancer screening suggest that Americans get screened starting at age 45 instead of 50, as previously advised. What do you think?

Just tell me at what age I should suddenly panic about ignoring all this stuff.


Sandra Patinkin

I may never again think of 45 as a fun-loving, devil-may-care age.


Darnell Wright

Yeah, but how many times a week should I be going?


Andrew White

Trump Sits Down With Putin

Amid mounting findings about Russian interference in the 2016 election, President Trump will sit down with Vladimir Putin in an attempt to normalize relations and improve bilateral ties. What do you think?

Surely, Trump will hold Putin accountable for getting him elected.


Daniela Hansworth

Trump Sits Down With Putin

Trump's a tough negotiator; he won't trade more than 10 states for Putin's respect.


Peter Tran

Trump Sits Down With Putin

He must be anxious—it's always nerve-wracking meeting one of your heroes.


Gunter Wright

France Wins World Cup

France triumphed over the underdog Croatian team 4-2 to earn its second World Cup title, and first since hosting the tournament in 1998. What do you think?

They're just lucky the United States wasn't good enough to qualify for this World Cup.


Juliette Revord

France Wins World Cup

I was hoping for everyone to shake hands at the end, and they did, so I feel like I won as well.


Peter Suthers

France Wins World Cup

Oh, goddamnit, I was rooting for both sides!


Harvey Pettigilio

Theresa May: Trump Told Me To Sue The EU

British prime minister Theresa May revealed that President Trump told her to sue the EU in order to successfully complete Brexit, but noted she thought the suggestion was too brutal. What do you think?

That seems like it could upend what has otherwise been a smooth, uneventful process.


Alicia Sobel

I don't think it would be wise for Britain to burn a bridge with the institution they're trying to burn a bridge with.


Philip Cook

Scientists Bring Dying Organs Back To Life

Researchers have discovered they can restore organ cells to life by injecting them with mitochondria in a method that they have already used to help human infants with heart defects. What do you think?

Nice. I've got a bunch of old lungs out in my garage I've been meaning to fix up.


Gavin Landrey

Now's not exactly the best time to tell people they can live longer.


Patricia Welsh

And yet no reward for the healthy organs?


Tucker Wright

Obama Criticizes Trump In Address To Honor Nelson Mandela's 100th Birthday

In a speech on Nelson Mandela's birthday, former President Obama warned of strongman politics in a veiled criticism of President Trump. What do you think?

This brings to mind Nelson Mandela's own indirect criticism of apartheid.


Barbara Mansfield

Come on, Obama could have been alluding to any of the global leaders working to undermine democracy.


Nicholas Tuchman

Should we really politicize someone like Nelson Mandela?


Lula Wright

Comic-Con 2018 Kicks Off

Comic-Con, the nation's premier comics convention, kicks off this year's iteration with previews of The Predator, Doctor Who, and the new slate of DC comic book movies. What do you think?

Ugh, will the comic industry ever have an original idea again? They just had a Comic-Con last year.


Greg Andrews

Comic-Con 2018 Kicks Off

I had to quit my job and hitchhike across the country, but it'll all be worth it when I get to meet the guy who inked 'Uncanny X-Men #106.'


Brett Peterson

Comic-Con 2018 Kicks Off

Nice to see comic book movies finally getting the attention they deserve.


Lyra Wright

Trump Backtracks On Siding With Russia Over U.S. Intelligence Community, Saying He Misspoke

Facing bipartisan pushback for the recent statement, President Trump now says he misspoke and meant to say he saw no reason why it wouldn't be Russia who interfered in the 2016 election, rather than would be. What do you think?

Well, now I just feel silly for being so frightened and embarrassed for our country.


Bradley Duke

I would also be flustered if Vladimir Putin handed me a soccer ball.


David Nattering

Honestly, who hasn't backtracked on a statement condemning their own country in a global television appearance?


Doug Flatley

World's Oldest Bread Found At Prehistoric Site In Jordan

Charred remains of a flatbread baked 14,500 years ago were found in the Eastern Mediterranean, revealing it was made thousands of years before humans began farming. What do you think?

Ah. My condolences to whoever found what is now the world's second-oldest bread.


Nathan Winklevoss

Wow, imagine burning dinner so bad people are still talking about it 14,500 years later.


Tatiana Williamson

WHO Eliminates Blindness-Causing Trachoma In Seven Countries

The World Health Organization declared a major milestone after eliminating trachoma, a debilitating disease that causes blindness in sufferers, in seven countries, and making significant inroads in others. What do you think?

They really shouldn't get so cocky after only seven countries.


Davíd Cartwright

Aw, man, those people have so much great TV to catch up on.


Frederik Raterman

Another disease I didn't know existed, gone.


Greg Chatterley

New 'Dune' Films Planned From Director Of 'Blade Runner: 2049'

Timothée Chalamet is in talks to star in a two-part adaptation of Frank Herbert's classic novel Dune as directed by Denis Villeneuve. What do you think?

It sucks that there have been no new sci-fi authors since 1968.


Phillipa Lee

Sad to see a promising career go down in flames so soon.


Craig Lamb

It won't be the same without semi-nude Sting screaming about God knows what.


Sandra French

Rare Mutation Allows Bajau People To Stay Underwater For 2 Minutes

Researchers found that the Bajau people—residents of the Philippines and Malaysia renowned for their free-diving abilities—inherited their breath-holding capacities genetically through enlarged spleens. What do you think?

I don't care what they do in Malaysia, but in this country, spleens better stick to recycling red blood cells and battling bacteria.


Matt Michaels

That's cool. My family tends to primarily pass along a lot of blood pressure issues.


Greg Tailor

As mutant powers go, I think I'd rather control the weather.


Natalie Brent

More Young Adults Are Dying From Alcohol-Related Illnesses

A recent report found that annual death rates from alcohol-related illnesses jumped an average of 10 percent each year in the past decade for people between the ages of 25 and 34. What do you think?

That's impossible! Alcohol advertisements always say 'drink responsibly.'


Magritte Williams

It's nice to see young adults finally do their fair share of dying.


Peter Salsbury

R. Kelly Releases 19-Minute Song Addressing Sexual Assault

Facing numerous sexual assault allegations, R&B singer R. Kelly released I Admit, a 19-minute song in which he denies accusation of pedophilia and sexual slavery while admitting to other mistakes. What do you think?

Could this be the pedophilia-denying song of the summer?


Nikolai Parlatos

I hope his victims appreciate all the effort he put into this.


Daisy Coulter

Well, there you go, what guilty person would write a 19-minute song about not doing crimes?


Magret Glasgow

Papa John's Add 'Poison Pill' Provision To Prevent Founder From Returning

The Papa John's board of directors adopted a so-called poison pill provision aimed to prevent former CEO John Schnatter from gaining more control of the company after he used the N-word on a conference call. What do you think?

Soon, there'll be no trace of evidence that Papa John has anything to do with Papa John's Pizza.


Sutherland Greene

Sheesh. The guy makes one little string of horrific, unforgivable mistakes and he gets crucified for it.


Salvador Velasco

If these board members think voting will keep a racist out of power, they don't really get America.


Anastasia Wright

Ivanka Trump Shutters Fashion Line

Facing boycotts and reported frustration over conflicts of interest, First Daughter Ivanka Trump shut down her fashion line, which sells accessories like handbags, perfume, and heels. What do you think?

Damn, how am I supposed to smell like a Trump now?


Nicholas Etre

Ivanka Trump Shutters Fashion Line

At least she has her many years of experience of being born wealthy to fall back on.


Richard Watkins

Ivanka Trump Shutters Fashion Line

My heart breaks for all the children who are going to be out of a job.


Harold LaMontagne

Steve Bannon Sets Sights On Spreading Far-Right Europe With New Foundation

Former White House chief advisor Steve Bannon plans to launch a foundation in Brussels called The Movement to spread far-right ideology to Europe. What do you think?

I'm sure an unemployed foreigner telling people who to vote for will sit well with far-right Europeans?


Raymond Pasha

Shouldn't we be concentrating on spreading hatred right here in our own country?


Diana Johnson

Secret Trump–Cohen Audio Tape Released

In a recently leaked audio recording, attorney Michael Cohen speaks to Donald Trump about a payment to buy the silence of former Playboy model Karen McDougal. What do you think?

I'm sure the liberal media will find a way to spin this in a negative light.


Bradley Walters

Secret Trump–Cohen Audio Tape Released

And here he thought it was his enemies who were secretly recording him.


Ned Sutherland

Secret Trump–Cohen Audio Tape Released

Just think, if Cohen had released this recording before the election, it could have been equally inconsequential.


Carsten Hanson

Facebook Planning To Launch Satellite To Provide Internet To Underserved Parts Of World

Social media giant Facebook plans to launch a low-orbit satellite to offer limited internet services such as weather forecasting and access to Facebook to impoverished parts of the world, although the plan has been criticized for restricting free speech. What do you think?


Devin Wright

It's great that Facebook feels like it should look like it's giving back.


Felicia Black

What, so now we're just giving away services to poor people who could drastically benefit from them?


Alice Peterson

Lyft Considering Offering 'Zen' Mode For Those Who Want Quiet Ride

Ride sharing service Lyft may offer a Zen mode for riders who do are not in the mood for talking to their driver. What do you think?

Nothing more relaxing than tense, prolonged silence in a car with a stranger.


Sander Taggert

Whatever minimizes human contact and makes the servant class invisible works for me.


Thich Nhat Hanh

This is exactly what Zen Buddhism is all about.


Samantha Richards

HBO Greenlights 'Deadwood' Movie

Over 12 years after its original run, David Milch's critically acclaimed western Deadwood has been greenlit for a series finale movie to air in early 2019. What do you think?

Finally, the world gets to see Timothy Olyphant with facial hair again.


Keith Turing

HBO Greenlights 'Deadwood' Movie

Eh—Deadwood was groundbreaking back when it was released, but since then there's been a lot of shows with even more swearing.


Moe Brent

HBO Greenlights 'Deadwood' Movie

Turns out I had a reason to stay alive all this time after all!


Greg Sinclair

Carrie Fisher Will Appear In 'Star Wars: Episode IX'

In a recently released cast list, LucasFilms revealed that Carrie Fisher will appear as Leia Organa in the final film of the new Star Wars trilogy using previously recorded footage, as well as Mark Hamill. What do you think?

I've always said there should be more roles for deceased women.


Ted Patricks

If only they had the ability to invent wholly new characters for each subsequent film.


Patty Small

Woman Accused Of Sending Man 65,000 Text Messages After First Date

An Arizona woman has been arrested for stalking a man after their first date by sending him 65,000 text messages and sometimes over 500 per day. What do you think?

The general rule is to wait three days before texting 65,000 times.


Barry Gunderson

A better trick is to 'accidentally' leave 18 million personal items at their place.


Todd Petrachonis

Good and frequent communication is important in any relationship.


Gregoria Baltz

Ruth Bader Ginsburg Says She Has '5 More Years' On Supreme Court

Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg told reporters that she believes she will serve at least five more years on the Supreme Court, providing hope to liberal supporters wary of the Court's rightward shift. What do you think?

It's appreciated, but a two-weeks' notice was all that's needed.


Samuel Withers

Yeah, I've told a lot of employers I'd still be there in five years, too.


Tad Reiley

It's probably too late to change careers at this point anyways.


Peter Craig

McDonald's Unveils 'MacCoin' To Celebrate 50th Anniversary Of Big Mac

McDonald's will be giving customers MacCoins with all purchases of Big Macs—a celebration of the 50th anniversary of the Big Mac that can be exchanged for another Big Mac. What do you think?

If MacCoins are just coins that get you Big Macs, then I already have a whole jar full of those.


Jessica Flagg

The hoarder in me wants to hold onto the coin, but the slob in me wants a second Big Mac.


Randall Johnson

My family prefers to celebrate important days like this privately at home.


Stefanie Bridges

Manafort Trial Begins

The trial of former Trump campaign chairman Paul Manafort for bank fraud has begun, signaling the start of the next prosecutorial phase in Robert Mueller's probe. What do you think?

I hope that asshole likes prison. That way he'll be sad to leave it after his pardon.


Parson Cove

Manafort Trial Begins

Finally, we'll know if Mueller's full of crap and if there really is a 'Paul Manafort.'


Barry Tuck

Manafort Trial Begins

This is the trial of the century until they start prosecuting more important people.


Jordan Stacey

Court Says Monkey Cannot Hold Rights To Own Selfie

The Ninth Circuit of Appeals has weighed in on a case brought to court by PETA, saying that Naruto, a Sulawesi macaque who took a viral selfie, cannot sue for the copyright to its own photo. What do you think?

If animals were able to file lawsuits, I'd be serving a life sentence.


Patricia Lee

Tough week for PETA: First they fail to get the entire world to stop eating meat and now this.


Gary White

This is what happens when you have a biased bench full of human judges.


Doug Dennett

Alex Trebek May Leave 'Jeopardy!' In 2020

Iconic game show host Alex Trebek revealed that he is considering leaving Jeopardy! by 2020, suggesting Alex Faust, the TV voice of the Los Angeles Kings, could be a fit to replace him. What do you think?

Jeopardy! fans seem like the kind of people who would embrace change.


Stanley Erinson

That's too bad, the show will probably be exactly the same without him.


Gretchen Smith

Whoever replaces him is going to have some pretty smug shoes to fill.


Patrice Moore

Senate Bill Would Require Census To Ask About Sexual Orientation, Gender Identity

Democrats have introduced a bill that would require the 2030 census to ask about sexual orientation and gender identity to ensure the government gathers more robust data about LGBTQ individuals. What do you think?

I don't normally like to discuss my sexual preferences, but I'll make an exception for the federal government.


Grace Bünstein

I'm just happy whenever someone asks me anything.


Stanley Whiting

Trump Administration Revokes Obama-Era Fuel Standards

The White House is moving ahead on its plan to roll back the fuel economy mandate set by the Obama administration, likely resulting in more low-efficiency cars on the road. What do you think?

Thank God. It's been hell cramming my family of three into a tiny hybrid SUV.


Brad Ford

I hope he checked in with oil companies to make sure they were okay with this first.


Stacy Tern

Interesting—I, too, am indifferent as to whether my children live or die.


Stella Anthony

President Admits Trump Tower Meeting Was To Get Dirt On Clinton

President Trump admitted this weekend that the purpose of a meeting between his son Don Jr. and a woman linked to the Kremlin was to search for incriminating information about Hillary Clinton, directly contradicting previous statements. What do you think?

Trump must feel so much better now without any lies weighing on his conscience.


Greg Michaels

If the last couple years have taught me anything, and they have not, this could be it for Trump.


Tyrell Sanders

It takes a big man to admit the truth after forgetting he lied about it.


Gus Brentley

Trump Pushes For Interview With Mueller

Defying legal advice, President Trump told lawyers recently that he is eager to sit down for an interview with the special counsel. What do you think?

Mueller must be excited. It's not every day a U.S. president wants to hang out with you.


Patrick Prichard

Trump Pushes For Interview With Mueller

If he does, the investigators should definitely bring up that Russia stuff.


Tatiana Wilkerson

Trump Pushes For Interview With Mueller

Who would have guessed it would be hubris that brought down Donald Trump?


Ben Bloomberg

Heading May Be Riskier For Female Soccer Players Than Males

A new study found that women show more sensitivity to cognitive damage from heading soccer balls than men. What do you think?

That's why, as a gentleman, I always make sure to head a ball for a lady.


Kerry Garden

Look, I did a bunch of headers when I was a kid and I turned out just soccer.


Terry O'Hara

Men are just evolutionarily superior at bashing their heads on things.


Ted Dennett

Wilbur Ross Accused Of Stealing $120 Million From Past Associates

In a confidentially settled lawsuit, Secretary of Commerce Wilbur Ross was accused of stealing $120 million through a complex scheme at his previous investment company. What do you think?

Whoa! Could you imagine the political fallout if past words or actions had any ramifications any more?


Alison Leotardo

That doesn't sound like the Wilbur Ross I learned of only moments ago.


Pat White

That's more money than the average American can hope to steal over their entire life.


Ryan Dempsey

Catholic Church Now Opposes Death Penalty In All Cases

The Catholic Church now formally considers the death penalty inadmissible as an attack on the inviolability and dignity of the person and is pledging to work for its abolition worldwide, a shift from its previous position that it could be a force to protect the common good. What do you think?

Well, I'm glad we got that sorted out before anything bad happened.


Sharon Kelvin

I was afraid something like this would happen if they ever got to the 'thou shall not kill' part.


Perry White

Is there no low this new Pope won't stoop to in order to impress God?


Brett O'Hare

Virginia Governor Orders State Of Emergency Ahead Of 'Unite The Right' Anniversary

To help local authorities mobilize resources into Charlottesville, VA, Governor Ralph Northam ordered a state of emergency before the anniversary of the deadly Unite the Right white nationalist rally that left one woman dead and several others injured. What do you think?

He should just explain to the Nazis that whiteness is a social construct and I'm sure they'll disperse.


Tad Zeveloff

It's outrageous that Virginia is trampling all over Unite The Right's freedom to peacefully, violently assemble.


Denise Welk

The important thing is to heighten excitement around this as much as possible.


Sasha Metatron

Former Trump Lawyer Michael Cohen Under Investigation For Tax Fraud

Michael Cohen is reportedly under investigation by New York federal prosecutor for tax fraud related to his taxi medallion business. What do you think?


Dan Douglas

As an attorney himself, Cohen should've known better than to be such an incompetent person.


Ted Landry

I can't believe they can get you for tax crimes when you don't even pay taxes.


Drew Michaelson

2018 Election Has Record Number Of Women Nominees

With 183 female U.S. House nominees and 11 nominees for governorships, the 2018 election will feature the greatest number of female nominees in U.S. history, narrowly beating out the previous record set in 1994. What do you think?

It's nice to know my daughters may soon have more political role models to ultimately become disenchanted with.


Stanley Lisowski

I guess we've narrowly come a long ways?


Lisa Holt

Impressive, but the last record-breaking year, 1994, also saw the release of Shawshank Redemption.


Corrie Wiley

Counter Protesters Far Outnumber White Nationalists At 'Unite The Right'

Hundreds of counter-protesters far outnumbered the fewer than 20 people who showed up for the Unite the Right white nationalist rally in Washington, D.C. What do you think?

I just feel bad for all the businesses that were banking on a big white supremacist turnout.


Emanuel Nichols

I prefer a small, intimate hate group myself.


Larry Weinbach

Rashida Tlaib Set To Be First Muslim American Woman In Congress

Progressive former state Rep. Rashida Tlaib is likely to become the first Muslim woman elected to Congress after winning the Democratic primary in Michigan's 13th Congressional District this week. What do you think?

Were there not any Christian Muslims qualified for the job?


Sarah Drake

Man, if she thought she experienced intolerance in Michigan, wait until she gets to the House of Representatives.


Hal Tannenbaum

I'm sure if I dig around enough I can find a way she's not perfect.


Gwen Combs

Omarosa Plays Tapes Of Firing By John Kelly

Omarosa Manigault-Newman played a recording of Chief of Staff John Kelly she made as he fired her in the White House situation room, a move that national security experts warn is potentially illegal. What do you think?

But Trump specifically said he doesn't like being secretly recorded by his enemies.


Milo Wilkerson

Now she'll always have that as a way to remember her time at the White House!


Kevin North

Did she record her hiring? Because that's the part I need clarity on.


Nina Arellano

North, South Korea Agree To Summit In Pyongyang

The leaders of North and South Korea have agreed to a summit in Pyongyang this September, the third such meeting this year. What do you think?

Hopefully, this brings us one step closer to bringing us one step closer to denuclearization.


Bud Williams

All parties involved understand that denuclearizing North Korea is going to be a long, futile process.


Daniel Beattie

I hate hearing about parties I wasn't invited to.


Gregory Lutz

More Than 100 U.S. Newspapers Plan Editorials Decrying Trump's Attacks On Media

More than 100 newspapers have signed onto a Boston Globe-led campaign to publish editorials inveighing against Trump's designation of the media as an enemy of the people. What do you think?

What a fitting last act of free press in this country.


Dan Macdonald

It's pretty self-serving for reporters to write about how they don't want people to kill them.


Phoebe Spina

I thought we had, like, four newspapers left, max.


Montel Jacobs

NOAA Lowers Warnings For Atlantic Hurricane Season

Due to the burgeoning El Niño, the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration has forecasted a quieter-than-usual Atlantic hurricane season. What do you think?

Thanks, but I've been jerked around by the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration too many times before.


Christopher Holloway

These days, 'quieter-than-usual' still means at least a category five, though, right?


Alvin Michaels

NBCU Readying Streaming Service That Pays Viewers To Watch It

NBCUniversal plans to launch a streaming service that will incentivize viewers to watch shows with redeemable points and gift certificates. What do you think?

Neat! Do the gift certificates work for Netflix?


Bess Reynolds

I like to think watching TV is its own reward.


Tad Riley

In my day, we earned our NBC redeemable points with long hours of hard work.


Matilda Black

Germany Running Out Of Beer Bottles

Due to unusually high temperatures, German beer consumption has risen rapidly, causing a shortage in the over 3 billion beer bottles in circulation. What do you think?

If only there were any other way of storing beer.


Philip Philips

Germany Running Out Of Beer Bottles

If any of them are in town this weekend, my party's going to have plenty of brews.


Daniel MIkkelson

Germany Running Out Of Beer Bottles

Are they interested in trading national crises?


Jessica Wheatley

West Hollywood Urges Removal of Trump's Walk of Fame Star

The West Hollywood City Council approved a symbolic vote in support of removing President Trump's star from the Walk of Fame, although the ultimate decision is governed by the Hollywood Chamber of Commerce. What do you think?

More proof that coastal liberals' Walks of Fame are out of touch with Middle America's Walks of Fame.


Daniel Witz

This just goes to show that an entirely symbolic amount of meaningless justice is possible in this world.


Steven Wight

There's no way this will make it through the Senate.


Eric Nielson

Ditching Tight Pants Improves Sperm Count

Researchers at Harvard found that individuals wearing boxer shorts had a 25 percent higher sperm concentration those in tight-fitting underwear, most likely due to the cooler temperatures inside boxers. What do you think?

A small price to pay for highlighting my enormous calves.


Sandra Lynn

I've always said that cargo shorts signal virility.


Johnny Floyd

Thanks for the tip, but I'm happy with my current number of sperm.


Sarah Stone

Spotify May Allow Unlimited Ad Skipping For Free Users

Streaming app Spotify is testing a new feature in Australia that allows non-paying users to skip an unlimited number of ads, allowing them to better track information about which ads users do and do not skip. What do you think?

Okay, but paid users should get to listen to as many ads as they want.


Douglas Henderson

It's cool that Spotify found a way to treat their sponsors as poorly as they treat their artists.


Lars Mathews

Good. Advertising has gotten too commercial.


Tinsley Stewart

Trump Cancels Military Parade, Citing Price

President Trump cancelled plans for a Washington, D.C. military parade originally scheduled to happen on Nov. 10, 2018, blaming costs reported to be as high as $92 million. What do you think?

I'm sure we'll find something to occupy our troops with.


Rhea Calvin

But how else are we supposed to get the word out about our military might?


Luis Gonzalez

I miss the America that didn't give a shit how much money it drained into unnecessary military procedures.


Natasha Peeples

India Rolls Out Healthcare For 500 Million People

Just before his reelection campaign, Indian prime minister Narendra Modi is expected roll out the world's biggest government healthcare program, providing basic healthcare to 500 million more people. What do you think?

What a nice thing to say you're going to do right before reelection!


Augustus Wilkerson

They're going to wish they'd died of those easily preventable diseases when they get their tax bills.


Sari Welks

Rudolph Giuliani: 'Truth Isn't Truth'

Describing his reluctance to allow the president to speak with the special counsel's office, Trump lawyer Rudolph Giuliani told Meet The Press host Chuck Todd that truth isn't truth. What do you think?

I'm sick of these words-have-definitions whiners.


Luke Hemmings

Rudolph Giuliani: 'Truth Isn't Truth'

It's tempting to mock him, but we should still respect the office of America's Mayor.


Gregory Bierce

Rudolph Giuliani: 'Truth Isn't Truth'

I've always wondered why lawyers used any defense but this one.


Reggie Hatfield

Record Number Died In Opioid Epidemic In 2017

Overdoses from opioids hit a record high of 72,000, CDC estimates suggest, although deaths have started decreasing in parts of New England thanks to government responses. What do you think?

Man, that's just the government trying to scare you. Do you want to buy some pills or not?


Alicia Gull

I'm sure big pharma is going to get blamed just because they directly profit from these people dying.


Philip Sulzer

They need to make this stuff prescription-only.


Shelly Kelvin

Paul Manafort Found Guilty Of 8 Counts Of Fraud

Former Trump campaign chairman Paul Manafort has been found guilty of eight counts of fraud, which could carry 11 to 14 years of prison time. What do you think?

If he's guilty of anything, it's loving money too much.


Danforth Sulzer

You hate to see that kind of thing happen to rich people.


Natasha Barleycorn

Pope Francis Pens Scathing Letter About Abuse Scandal

Condemning the crime of priestly sexual abuse, Pope Francis penned an apology letter this week stressing that the Catholic Church has showed no care for the little ones; we abandoned them. What do you think?

If only he had any kind of authority to do something about it.


Doug LaFlure

Hopefully, they can squash this before it becomes a big problem.


Anderson Tuck

I'd like to see someone criticize the pope now that he's written a letter.


Ramsay Lavinia

EPA's New Coal Rule Could Cause 1,400 More Deaths Per Year

The Trump administration's new rules rolling back restrictions on coal emissions admit that they may cause 1,400 more premature deaths per year and will likely increase cases of asthma. What do you think?

There's no greater honor than dying in the service of coal.


M.R. Trenton

Since when has a solid body of scientific evidence ever stopped us from doing anything?


Patricia Frampton

Sure, the cost of this new policy is steep now, but the value of human life should only get cheaper in the years to come.


Dalton Mathews

Michael Cohen Reaches Plea Deal With Prosecutors

Donald Trump's former attorney Michael Cohen has reached a plea deal with prosecutors for alleged financial fraud charges, although it is yet unclear whether he will testify in other matters such as the special investigation into the president's 2016 campaign. What do you think?

That prick deserves to rot in comfortable, minimum-security prison for a third of his total sentence.


Cormac Regan

It's hard to find a good, loyal goon these days.


Corrie Guest

History will look back on this incredible moment as the day Trump's presidency continued without a hitch.


Quentin Forbes

Low-Carb Diet Linked To Dying Young

Low-carb diets, such as Atkins, are linked to an early death, according to a recent U.S. study, which noted that moderate carb intake is healthier. What do you think?

Joke's on you. My drinking will kill me way before that.


Vincent Presser

Low-Carb Diet Linked To Dying Young

I'm going to be a thin, beautiful angel!


Amber Huerta

Low-Carb Diet Linked To Dying Young

I tried Atkins for a few weeks in the early 2000s. How much time do I got left?


Brett McAnne

Alleged Nazi War Criminal Deported Back To Germany

U.S. officials have deported a 95-year-old former Nazi labor camp guard named Jakiw Palij back to Germany for his role in Operation Reinhard, the plan to murder two million Jews living in Poland. What do you think?

Liberals are so quick to call anyone who doesn't agree with them a 'Nazi.'


Samuel Galway

Horrifying. I couldn't even imagine living to be 95 years old.


Taylor Dennett

This will make Nazis think twice about living comfortably in our country for 60 years.


Eve Lugo

Kroger Phasing Out Plastic Bags By 2025

Kroger, one of the largest supermarket chains in the U.S., will completely phase out plastic bags by 2025, following the lead of other companies such as Starbucks and Marriott International. What do you think?

I'm not sure if seven years is a long enough time to find a miraculous new material that can be made into bags.


Woody Jarvis

Kroger Phasing Out Plastic Bags By 2025

Ban them all you like, but people who want plastic bags will still find a way to get their hands on them.


Derek Gold

Kroger Phasing Out Plastic Bags By 2025

Will they offer something else I can jam into the cupboard under my sink?


Steven Cotswold

Deeply Indebted Abraham Lincoln Nonprofit May Sell President's Stovepipe Hat

The Abraham Lincoln Presidential Library Foundation is considering offsetting their debt by selling off several items from the 16th president's personal effects, including one of his iconic stovepipe hats. What do you think?

Finally, the perfect reason to start a presidential hats collection!


Anastasia Humbert

I can show them how to make a new one from a cereal box.


Yousuf Rodgers

Idris Elba Says He Will Not Be The Next James Bond

English actor Idris Elba put to rest internet rumors of his forthcoming casting this week after telling a reporter that he would not be the next James Bond. What do you think?

Hurry up and announce the new Bond so I can be disappointed by the choice.


Roxy Sears

This sounds like a fanfiction writing challenge if I ever heard one.


Adam Hatley

No Amount Of Alcohol Good For You, Report Finds

A study from the Global Burden of Diseases found that no amount of alcohol is good for you, noting that while moderate drinking may reduce heart disease risk that benefit is offset by increased risk of cancer. What do you think?

I've continued drinking in the face of more compelling reasons to stop than this.


Nadeen Brooks

Crap. I've been prescribing patients beer for years.


Nathaniel Bird

Manafort Sought Plea Deal Before Talks Broke Down

Former Trump campaign chairman Paul Manafort spoke with Special Counsel Robert Mueller's team about a potential plea deal before talks fell apart. What do you think?

The fact that he was about to plead guilty makes it even clearer that he's innocent.


Cain Horner

He must have read between the lines when Trump said he was thinking of pardoning him.


Olivia-Grace Higgs

If Mueller wants to seal the deal, he should throw in a really nice set of steak knives.


Boris Ashton

Poll: 70% Of Americans Support Medicare For All

A Reuters-Ipsos survey found that the vast majority of Americans—85 percent of Democrats and 52 percent of Republicans—support Medicare for all, also known as a single-payer system. What do you think?

When will voters realize that voters will never go for something like that?


Tobey Pendleton

Oh, great. And now I guess we're supposed to just implement policies that improve everyone's quality of life simply because people want that.


Madeleine Hibbert

We'll see what the existing power structure has to say about that.


Bernard Stephenson

U.S. Judge Bans 3D-Printed Gun Blueprints

A U.S. federal judge extended a ban on the online distribution of 3D-printed gun blueprints, agreeing that their publication would violate states' rights to regulate firearms. What do you think?

I'm so mad at this ruling that it makes me want to print a gun.


Reuben Hawkins

Pfft, I've seen guns before. I'm sure I could figure it out.


Liliana Hale

Damnit! My independent militia had a big anti-government revolution coming up!


Sandra Wilder

White House Counsel To Step Down In Fall

After reportedly causing disputes with President Trump over his cooperation with the special counsel, White House Counsel Don McGahn will step down in the fall. What do you think?

Damn, just when his job was about to get terrifying.


Nathaniel Fox

You're telling me the president has had someone giving him legal advice this entire time?


Theodore McCormick

CDC Reports Surge In Sexually Transmitted Disease

For the fourth consecutive year, federal health officials said that new cases of chlamydia, gonorrhea, and syphilis spiked in 2017, rising by nearly 10 percent due to changing sexual habits and a lack of public awareness. What do you think?

Say what you will about the current political climate, but it's been insanely erotic.


Hannah Russo

Can we at least celebrate the fact that Americans are creating something?


Abraham Munro

This is nothing a few more decades of abstinence-only sex education won't fix.


Andrew Dresden

Trump Disapproval Rating At All-Time High

According to a Washington Post–ABC News poll, roughly 60 percent of Americans disapprove of President Trump's performance, while 63 percent support Robert Mueller and 50 percent favor initiating impeachment proceedings. What do you think?

Um, the president gives himself an 'A+' rating and he probably knows a bit more about how he's doing than these people.


Tucker Mandeville

Sounds like they didn't poll enough white people.


Lisa Wall

Typical lies from the fake American populace.


Amanda Duarte

California Man Charged With Threatening To Kill 'Boston Globe' Employees

A California man was charged with threatening to kill employees of The Boston Globe, whom he called the enemy of the people. What do you think?

Yeah, I also fly into a rage whenever I hit my 10-articles-per-month limit.


Michael McFarland

I love seeing the president inspire civic engagement like this.


Benjamin Lee

That kind of violent rhetoric has no place in America except on Trump's Twitter feed.


Eustacia Bennett

Nike Makes Colin Kaepernick Face Of New Ad Campaign

Nike announced that it will make Colin Kaepernick, who sparked controversy by kneeling during the national anthem to protest racial injustice, the face of its most recent Just Do It ad campaign. What do you think?

It's always nice when the right decision is also the profitable one.


Ian Vine

Pretty brave of Nike to advertise their company in a way that brings them an avalanche of attention.


Clyde Myers

Nice, I was hoping for a way I could oppose racial injustice by buying things.


Ashley Stamp

HBO Ending Its Skinemax Offerings

Noting declining demand for such softcore options, HBO announced that it would remove erotic adult movies and TV shows such as Cat House and Real Sex from its channels and streaming services. What do you think?

Now I have no choice but to wade through the intricate and rich storylines of prestige television shows to get to see breasts.


Maximilian Armstrong

HBO Ending Its Skinemax Offerings

That's fine, I'll just keep jerking off to Bill Maher.


Mikael Fritz

HBO Ending Its Skinemax Offerings

Aw, but I liked it when they showed naked women.


Louise Icahn

Facebook Employee Group Aims To Promote Political Diversity

A group of 100 Facebook employees have joined an internal group promoting political diversity at the social media giant, criticizing the company's perceived liberal monoculture. What do you think?

I can't think of a better way to promote political diversity than joining a Facebook group full of people who think exactly like you.


Terry Winters

There are already six different reaction emojis—how much more diversity of opinion could there be?


Alex Bloomgarden

If this group's anything like my Facebook recipe exchange, it'll tear itself apart with racism and cyber-bullying in a few days.


Brandon Wallace

New York Times' Publishes Bombshell Anonymous Opinion Article From White House Insider

The New York Times published an opinion piece from an anonymous White House senior official criticizing President Trump and noting many members of his administration are working to thwart parts of his agenda and his worst inclinations. What do you think?

It's good for a leader to surround himself with different viewpoints.


Leela Dalby

Senior official' could easily just mean some unimportant pissant like Mike Pence.


Samuel O'Brian

It's a good thing this was published or we'd have never known the president was a bad person!


Samuel Studdard

Biden To Decide On 2020 Run By January

Former Vice President Joe Biden has given himself a deadline of January 2019 to decide on whether to run for president. What do you think?

I hope that Obama is his vice president! And that Clinton is secretary of state! And then Donald Trump is president again right after that!


Lee Withers

Biden To Decide On 2020 Run By January

God, imagine being that old and still not knowing what you want to do for a living.


Erica Nonce

Biden To Decide On 2020 Run By January

Being president is a pretty big deal, so I'm glad he's taking his time to think about it.


Maya Hine

Study Finds 44% Of Young People Deleted Facebook App From Phone In Last Year

Almost half of young adults between the ages of 18 and 29 deleted the Facebook app from their phone in the past year, suggesting the social media giant continues to lose its grip on that demographic. What do you think?

They'll come crawling back once they realize how overrated meaningful relationships are.


Lamar Braun

Kids today just don't understand how to blindly continue to pledge fealty to something you neither like nor need any longer.


Alisdair Roman

I'm with them. Facebook was meant to be enjoyed on a crisp, beautiful desktop, not some crappy little phone.


Sal Romero

India Decriminalizes Homosexuality

India's highest court ruled that a 160-year-old law banning sex against the order of nature amounted to discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation, effectively decriminalizing homosexuality. What do you think?

Probably best to steer clear of the country until God finishes punishing them with hurricanes.


Natalie Worth

India Decriminalizes Homosexuality

Gay people must be pretty excited to finally have sex.


Greg Andrews

India Decriminalizes Homosexuality

The only bad thing Britain did in India has finally been made right.


Philip Stone

U.S. Jobless Claims Fall To 49-Year Low

The number of Americans filing for unemployment aid fell to near a 49-year low last week, setting the stage for the Fed to raise interest rates later this month. What do you think?

Oh, God, then who's watching 'The Price is Right?!'


Nick Fields

U.S. Jobless Claims Fall To 49-Year Low

Can't talk—I'm running late to my third part-time job.


Gladis Mansfield

U.S. Jobless Claims Fall To 49-Year Low


Arlene Shields

Survey Finds Majority Of Autonomous Car Crashes In California Caused By Human Error

A recent survey of crashes by autonomous cars in California found that the vast majority were caused by human—rather than machine—error, suggesting a failure on the part of these cars to accommodate the failings of actual drivers. What do you think?

Well, of course the car is going to say it was the other guy.


Robert Cain

Maybe we were a little too optimistic in putting human drivers on the road so soon.


Andrew Lara

No machine, no matter how intelligent, can overpower the strength of my fuckups.


Guy Glover

More Than 1 Million Ordered To Evacuate Due To Hurricane Florence

Over a million residents of the Carolinas and Virginia have been ordered to evacuate in anticipation of Hurricane Florence. What do you think?

See, Puerto Rico? Fleeing a hurricane is not that complicated.


Lara Viavant

Thank God we've extracted enough fossil fuels to transport them all to safety.


Dennis Peterson

These hurricanes get worse and worse every year; I don't know why they keep coming out with them.


Dante Gregory

Study: Nuclear Power Necessary To Cut Climate Emissions

An MIT study found that a vast increase in nuclear power generating capacities will be needed to make the steep carbon emissions cuts necessary to stave off global warming. What do you think?

Oh, I thought we weren't even bothering anymore.


Samantha Welks

Isn't there an easier way to undo irreversible damage?


Douglas Fortwell

This sounds like a problem for my slightly younger brother's generation to deal with.


Cassidy Benton

Apple Releases Three New iPhones

Apple released three new iPhones at their Wednesday keynote, including a supersized 6.5-inch phone, while doing away with the home button entirely. What do you think?

It's amazing how much profit they can stuff into a phone that thin.


Angelica Frederick

Apple Releases Three New iPhones


Victor Brown

Apple Releases Three New iPhones

Good, I can finally get rid of this piece of shit from nine months ago.


Leslie Beach

Trump Redirected Nearly $10 Million In FEMA Funds Toward ICE

Newly revealed documents show the Trump administration took nearly $10 million away from FEMA and other agencies to pay for immigration detention centers. What do you think?

Ridiculous. That money could have easily come from the Department of Education.


Kenan Harrington

Now there's a man who hates Puerto Ricans.


Nick Governali

Who knew keeping humans in cages indefinitely would be so expensive?


Jordan Kaufman

Manafort Reaches Plea Deal With Special Counsel

Former Trump campaign chairman Paul Manafort reached an agreement with the special counsel's office to head off further prosecution in exchange for cooperation. What do you think?

It was smart of him to wait to cut a deal until he had the leverage of being a convicted felon.


Laura Currie

That's crazy. I can't wait to see what he does before the trial after this one.


Joe Guerra

Can't we just skip all the dumb legal stuff and get to a really cool car chase?


Perry Matthams

Pope Summons World's Bishops For Meeting On Sexual Abuse

Pope Francis brought the world's bishops to the Vatican this week to discuss protecting children from sexual abuse by clergy. What do you think?

The Pope must've enticed them with some really hot action for them to travel all that way.


Aimie Cooper

Hopefully, this meeting will finally offer some clarity on the question of whether it's wrong to sexually abuse a child.


Hunter Dean

It's always nice to see a group of friends still making time for one another after all these years.


Sawyer White

White Castle Now Selling Veggie Burger Sliders Nationwide

Fast food chain White Castle will sell a new slider made entirely from the plant-based Impossible Burger for $1.99. What do you think?

This is great news for health nuts who got kicked out of the bar at 3 a.m.


Jeffrey Boyer

I can't wait for the better chains to start doing that too!


Alison Pasternacki

That's fine. I'll bring beef patties from home and swap them out in the john.


Austen Alcock

Steve Bannon Calls #MeToo Most Powerful Political Movement In World

Speaking at The Economist's Global Forum, Steve Bannon said he thinks Time's Up is the single most powerful potential political movement in the world and believes it has even greater potential in the corporate sphere. What do you think?

True, it has momentarily set back several powerful people already.


Macie Esparza

He's just the celebrity endorsement they needed.


Doug McGrath

People should listen; he knew Seinfeld and racism were going to be big, too.


Vanesa Barry

London Mayor Calls For Second Brexit Referendum

London Mayor Sadiq Khan has called for a second public vote on Brexit because of the government's failure to strike a deal with Brussels, saying that people didn't vote to leave the EU to make themselves poorer. What do you think?

He wants more voting? Has he learned nothing?


Grant Ingram

You can't undo something just because it's bad and everyone hates it and wants to undo it.


Nathan Wiley

If there's one person that people who support Brexit will listen to, it's a young, liberal Muslim.


Dan Tierney

Marc Benioff Buys 'Time' Magazine For $190 Million

Salesforce founder Marc Benioff purchased Time magazine for $190 million, continuing the trend of tech titans buying major media companies. What do you think?

It just goes to show that when they put their mind to it, there's nothing these tech titans can't buy.


Hubert Meyer

He knows he can just subscribe for $30 a year, right?


Ariana Searle

When you work hard, sometimes you deserve to splurge on a little media empire.


Vinny Atkins

Paul McCartney Releases 18th Solo Album

Sixty years after he began performing, Paul McCartney has put out his 18th solo album, a song cycle entitled Egypt Station. What do you think?

Really makes Lennon's productivity over the past four decades look like shit.


Piers Carver

Paul McCartney Releases 18th Solo Album

Cool, does he have, like, a SoundCloud or Bandcamp I can check out?


Daniela Moyer

Paul McCartney Releases 18th Solo Album

The best rockers start hitting their stride after 60 years.


Samantha Sanders

Senate Passes Bipartisan Opioid Legislation

In a rare moment of bipartisanship, the Senate passed an $8.4 billion package intended to combat the opioid epidemic in a 99-1 vote, although critics say it is not enough to address the depth of the problem. What do you think?

As long as big pharma is still allowed to profit, I'll call this a win.


Preston Joyner

It's awesome they could reach across the aisle to slap a Band-Aid on a national crisis.


Samuel Beach

You know they're just going to buy drugs with all that money.


Peter Joseph

Brad Pitt's Foundation Sued For Building Shoddy Homes After Katrina

New Orleans homeowners are suing Brad Pitt's charity for negligence due to its construction of crumbling and defective homes to help rebuild after Hurricane Katrina. What do you think?

Personally, I've never thought Brad Pitt was that great of a home-builder.


Joey Roy

No good deed that's poorly executed to the point of dangerous negligence goes unpunished.


Olivia Luna

What's this country coming to if we can't even depend on wealthy celebrities to meet the needs of our citizens?


Emile Devlin

Sesame Street' Writer Backtracks On Claim That Bert And Ernie Gay

Former Sesame Street writer Mark Saltzman has backtracked on his comments that he wrote Bert and Ernie as a gay couple, stressing that he merely meant to say that his own experience as a gay man informed his writing while on the show. What do you think?

How dare a writer bring personal experience into their work!


Tyson Daugherty

You only push your puppets away by asking them to stay in the closet.


Edmund Weber

Good. Bert's constant bickering is less heartbreaking if they aren't a couple.


Alan Saunders

Comey: Mueller May be In 'Fourth Quarter' Of Investigation

Former FBI director James Comey speculated this week that the special investigation of Russian interference in the 2016 election may be in its fourth quarter, citing the guilty pleas Robert Mueller obtained from high-ranking Trump associates. What do you think?

What if it's more like the seventh inning? Comey would look so stupid.


Mika Mclaughlin

It's like a thrilling, down-to-the-wire, two-year-long football game!


Eve Dyer

Sony Launching Retro PlayStation Classic In December

In the wake of the success of retro consoles like NES Classic, Sony will produce a miniature version of the original PlayStation for $99.99, which comes pre-loaded with 20 games, including Final Fantasy VII and Tekken 3. What do you think?

This truly is the golden age of rehashing previous golden ages.


Nick Moses

Wow, this must've been what it felt like when they first announced the Nintendo Classic.


Eric Delacruz

What a great opportunity to pay $100 for a smaller version of a thing I threw out years ago!


Ayisha Livingston

Chicago Considers Universal Income To Tackle Poverty

Chicago will form a task force to consider implementing a universal basic income program, which would make monthly payments to a number of Chicago families without any conditions. What do you think?

But how am I supposed to brag about food and shelter when everyone has it!


Frederick Dickens

Yes, but what's in it for me, a very rich man?


Nicholas Erickson

It's pretty naive to think that money can solve poverty.


Reggie Ratcliffe

SpaceX Announces First Private Passenger To Fly To Moon

Elon Musk announced that Japanese billionaire Yusaku Maezawa will be the passenger for the first-ever private mission to the moon in 2023. Maezawa hopes to bring along up to eight artists with him to inspire creativity based on space voyages. What do you think?

This'll be much more impressive than Neil Armstrong, who needed the government to help him get there.


Kayla Greenwood

Elon Musk has accomplished something huge: media attention distracting from his recent fuck-ups.


Lily-Mae Hayward

Maezawa should totally take me and my watercolor horse paintings into space.


Leena Knott

LeBron James To Star In 'Space Jam' Sequel

LeBron James will star in a sequel to the 1996 sports comedy Space Jam, a live-action and animated film that featured Michael Jordan and the Looney Tunes characters facing off on the courts against a team of nefarious aliens. What do you think?

It'll be so sad if this is just a cash-grab that taints Space Jam's legacy.


Harry Kerr

Man, it's too bad he's been typecast as a basketball player.


Hana Redmond

LeBron must be so excited for his first experience with a strong supporting cast.


Keane Gallagher

ISIS Attacks Drop In West

ISIS attacks in the West fell sharply in 2018 as law enforcement increasingly foiled such plots with better intelligence and increased preparation. What do you think?

Amazing! Do you think we could get those same law enforcement folks working on our schools?


Erica White

ISIS Attacks Drop In West

Ah, so that's why I haven't been murdered yet.


Vincenzo Brock

ISIS Attacks Drop In West

Yikes. Sounds like someone at ISIS is about to lose their job.


Ed Salgado

Trump Speaks Out Against Globalism At U.N. General Assembly

In a speech before the United Nations General Assembly, President Trump condemned globalism, called into question the International Criminal Court, and vowed to address the U.S. trade deficit. What do you think?

It's high time the United Nations got back to America First.


Becca Villa

Ignoring international courts? Maybe he is the next Reagan!


Danny Dillard

Smart. The fewer criminal courts there are in this world, the safer Trump is.


Luka Andrew

Japan Lands First-Ever Robots On Asteroid

In a historic first, Japan's space agency, JAXA, announced that it had successfully landed two robotic rovers on asteroid 162173 Ryugu to help them learn more about the minor planets through data and photographs. What do you think?


Sacha Whittle

I honestly figured Japan would have accomplished this decades ago.


Alexander Hodge

Well? Are asteroids dirty? Bumpy? Gritty? Spit it out, goddamnit!


Ashley Derrick

Dunkin' Donuts Changes Name To Dunkin'

Food chain Dunkin' Donuts has changed its name to Dunkin' to signal its growth beyond only selling donuts, with the new branding making appearances at locations and on merchandise starting in January. What do you think?

This is a slippery slope to them not having a name at all!


Lucius Medina

Dunkin' Donuts Changes Name To Dunkin'

At least they're still clear about what they want us to do with their food items.


Floyd Heaton

Dunkin' Donuts Changes Name To Dunkin'

Do you know any good tattoo removal places?


Beck Lee

New Zealand Prime Minister's Baby Becomes First To Attend U.N. General Assembly

New Zealand Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern brought along her 3-month-old daughter, Neve, making her the youngest attendee ever to the United Nations General Assembly. What do you think?

It's important to expose your child to the failings of global politics at an early age.


Alison Davila

It's just a shame the kid came out so hard against climate change.


Alfred Ferguson

The last thing a U.N. General Assembly needs is more people crying and shitting their pants.


Rex Brandt

Christine Blasey Ford Testifies On Sexual Assault Allegations Against Brett Kavanaugh

Christine Blasey Ford provided testimony to the U.S. Senate about her allegation that Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh sexually assaulted her in 1982, saying she was 100 percent certain of her claims. What do you think?

If we let this accusation derail this nominee, what kind of message are we sending to people who have no business being on the Supreme Court?


Harry Braun

Sure, but that's only 78 percent of a man's certainty.


Eva Heaton

I think introducing consequences into politics is disgusting.


Kaine Turnbull

The Beatles Announces 'The White Album' 50th Anniversary Edition

The Beatles will release a deluxe reissue of The White Album on Nov. 9, featuring a remixed album, seven early acoustic demos, and many previously unreleased session takes. What do you think?

Good. I always said the original masterpiece was a failure.


Brett Johns

Nice, I've always thought The White Album could use some more unnecessary extra shit.


Shea White

It's always cool watching a new generation of fans discover another Beatles' cash-grab.


Codey Delacruz

Ruth Bader Ginsburg Voices Support For #MeToo

In the wake of the sexual assault allegations against Brett Kavanaugh, Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg spoke up in support of #MeToo, saying that we will all be better off for it, men, women and children. What do you think?

Hopefully this will persuade all those Ruth Bader Ginsburg fans who don't support #MeToo to come around.


Grayson Pugh

I would, too, if I had to spend the last days of my life on a bench next to Brett Kavanaugh.


Natalie McLean

Justices should only voice their opinions via huge, sweeping decisions that affect every living American.


Maya Mays

Elon Musk Forced To Step Down As Tesla Chairman

Tesla founder Elon Musk was forced to step down as the company's chairman two days after the SEC filed a fraud case against him, although he will retain his CEO role. What do you think?

He'll always be the Tesla chairman of my heart.


Patrick Bradshaw

None of this diminishes the amazing things he's accomplished on Twitter.


Ted Francis

This will only enhance his reputation as a renegade bad boy who isn't very good at his job.


Tommie Walmsley

Coca-Cola May Move Into Marijuana Products

The Coca-Cola Company and Aurora Cannabis are in talks to develop a potential drink using CBD, a component of marijuana that reduces pain and promotes relaxation. What do you think?

Sorry, but I'm more of a Pepsi and meth guy.


Kaine Stephenson

Talk to me when they grow the stones to move into crack.


Lila Lim

Hopefully soon I'll be able to drink all of my favorite drugs out of the same bottle.


Fred Tompkins

U.S. And Canada Reach Deal To Replace NAFTA

Touting it as a historic new dawn, President Trump announced the USMCA, a replacement for NAFTA that updates intellectual property requirements and opens U.S. access to the Canadian dairy market, amongst other changes. What do you think?

Remember when all government news was boring like this?


Drew Philips

See, I always knew Trump would make good on his campaign promise to increase access to the Canadian dairy market.


Rebecca Stalwurst

I'm all for anything the president does that either improves or worsens our relationships with other countries.


Emilie Wright

Ted Cruz Heckled Out Of D.C. Restaurant

In response to his support for Brett Kavanaugh, Sen. Ted Cruz (R-TX) was forced out of the D.C. restaurant Fiola last week by protesters. What do you think?

Look, I don't agree with his politics either, but that doesn't mean we should oppose him or let him know in any way.


Aaron Perkins

Ted Cruz Heckled Out Of D.C. Restaurant

So are the fries on his plate up for grabs?


Steven Gustaferson

Ted Cruz Heckled Out Of D.C. Restaurant

That must have been so difficult for those poor protesters to look directly at Ted Cruz while they were shouting at him.


Ray Cole

Amazon Raises Minimum Wage For Workers To $15

Starting Nov. 1, Amazon will pay all of its 250,000 U.S. employees at least $15 an hour and begin lobbying for an increase to the $7.25 federal minimum wage. What do you think?

And Jeff Bezos earned $39.2 billion in the past year, so everybody's winning!


Arianna Benson

See, who needs unions when bad PR forces billionaires to make long overdue concessions once every 10 years?


Harry Martins

The credit should really go to the exploitative system that makes $15 an hour a triumph in the first place.


Bobbie Conley

Trump To Press: 'I Consider You Part Of The Democratic Party'

At a press conference announcing a newly renegotiated NAFTA, the president shot down questions from the press about Brett Kavanaugh multiple times and told them he considers them part of the Democratic Party. What do you think?

They're both ineffective, uninspiring, and constantly disappointing, so I understand how he could think that.


Lucien Eastwood

I'm sure the press is happy just to be considered at all.


Mila Pearce

That's ridiculous. Ineptitude is a bipartisan quality.


Alasdair Higgins

Trump Received At Least $413 Million From His Father

A New York Times report suggests Donald Trump received at least $413 million in inheritance from his father's real estate empire, likely through dubious tax schemes that raise the spectre of an investigation from the New York Tax Department. What do you think?

Still, you've got to admit the guy has a real knack for being given money.


Evangeline Harrison

God, why do people always have to apologize for being rich through potentially illegal financial activity?


Frank Velasquez

Boy, Trump better pray we don't start caring about those laws.


Peter Craine

U.N. Court Orders U.S. To Ease Sanctions Against Iran

The United Nations ordered the U.S. to ease some of its sanctions on Iran on the import of humanitarian goods and civil aviation. What do you think?

I guess that's settled then. No one defies the United Nations.


Hailey Rowley

This is a matter of protecting our nation's security from starving Iranians.


Ted Maynard

Man, someone should tell the U.N. that now's just not a good time.


Pearl Goldsmith

Atlanta Plans Change To Names Of Streets Honoring Confederacy

Atlanta announced plans to change the name of several streets honoring the Confederacy, noting that the imagery and symbolism of these names [...] represent systematic injustice, persecution and cruelty. That is not who we are as a city. What do you think?

There are so many contemporary white nationalists we could name these streets after, anyway.


Jaco Holmes

But if we erase this important part of history, we might forget to continue subjugating black people in today's world.


Luke Cantu

I feel like this is something that could easily be solved by putting 'bad' before every name.


Tyrell Mosley

Sexual Harassment May Have Lasting Health Effects On Women

A survey of 300 women conducted at the University of Pittsburgh found that sexual harassment in the workplace can result in reduced sleep and high blood pressure. What do you think?

Finally, a genuine reason to stop sexually harassing women.


Ian Hayden

This biased study fails to acknowledge the devastating health effects of getting shot down.


Olivia Clifford

Are you sure those 300 women are all telling the truth?


Skye Hutchinson

Senate Confirms Brett Kavanaugh To Supreme Court

The Senate voted 50-48 to confirm Judge Brett Kavanaugh, President Trump's second nominee to the Supreme Court, after a bitterly divided process including allegations of sexual misconduct. What do you think?

I trust him to be completely impartial and fair in all cases where he can't tell if one of the parties is a secret Clinton operative.


Grayson Tait

Times like this make me glad I have no grasp of politics, history, or social issues.


Sampson McCartney

Great, now the Supreme Court can get on with its business of being an impartial judiciary.


Jerry Kaur

Study: Nearly Half Of Anti-'The Last Jedi' Tweets Were Bots

A USC study found that half of all tweets criticizing Star Wars: The Last Jedi were either non-human bots or Russian trolls using the debate to propagate extreme far-right political messages. What do you think?

I can't believe bots would turn on Star Wars after all the representation they've gotten from R2D2, C3PO, and BB-8.


Elsa Montes

That's kind of overkill if all they wanted to do is get Star Wars nerds to argue.


Brooks Estrada

I don't need a Russian bot to convince me I hate women.


Abraham Higgins

U.N. Reports Says Humanity Has 12 Years To Avert Climate-Related Catastrophe

The U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change released a report this week suggesting humanity must make urgent and unprecedented changes to avert the catastrophe caused by 1.5 degrees celsius of warming. What do you think?

Luckily, humanity does its best thinking under the pressure of imminent extinction.


Sophia Mac

Sounds like something they should've warned us about decades ago.


Trevor Hardin

Let's not do anything too drastic until we see how Trump's elimination of all environmental regulations works out.


Juliet Williamson

Taylor Swift Breaks Silence On Politics To Support Democrats

Singer–songwriter Taylor Swift broke her long-held political silence to endorse two Democrats running in Tennessee and to urge her 100 million Instagram followers to vote in the midterms. What do you think?

Oh, okay, so we're just going to pretend like 'Shake If Off' wasn't a direct response to Republicans taking the Senate in 2014?


Patrick Dodd

I hope this isn't the beginning of a trend of celebrities telling us their political opinions.


Finn Currie

I'm actually more of a jazz guy. Is there a jazz guy who can tell me to vote?


Tony Solis

Nikki Haley Resigns As Trump's U.N. Ambassador

United Nations Ambassador and former South Carolina governor Nikki Haley will leave her post at the end of the year, the latest departure from the volatile Trump administration. What do you think?

I guess when you solve every possible international problem, there's just not much else to do.


Kaye Beach

The weird thing is that a bunch of people probably want that job now.


Freddy Burt

This is unfortunate. The Trump administration needs more moderately corrupt voices like Haley's.


Ari Rowland

Kim Jong-Un Wants Pope To Visit North Korea

North Korean leader Kim Jong-un has extended an invitation to Pope Francis to visit Pyongyang with the hopes of highlighting peace efforts on the Korean Peninsula. What do you think?

This seems like the natural next PR move for the Pope right now.


Frazer Drummond

If Kim Jong-un is trying to prove himself on the world's stage, he's much better off distancing himself from the Catholic Church.


Anees Sheppard

Hurricane Michael Makes Landfall In Most Dangerous Storm In Florida Panhandle History

Hurricane Michael, a Category 4 storm, has made landfall close to Panama City, FL in what experts are calling the most dangerous storm ever recorded in the area. What do you think?

You know, with this constant stream of bad news from the area, you'd think people would consider moving away from Earth.


Craig Mayer

This is the wakeup call we need to stop ignoring all of the warnings about homosexuality.


Jack Dickens

If they didn't want to be hit by a hurricane, they shouldn't have chosen to live in the environment.


Kevin Beil

Bill And Hillary Clinton Announce Joint Tour

Bill and Hillary Clinton announced a joint tour this week to tour North America, allowing audiences to hear conversations with a couple that has helped shape our world. What do you think?

If there's one thing America can't get enough of, it's highly orchestrated Clinton joint appearances.


Fred Andrew

I'd see that show in a heartbeat! Especially if someone like Penn and Teller did magic instead of the Clintons speaking.


Ruth Timms

Hell yeah. I love being scolded and warned.


Harlan Dodd

Stephen Hawking's Final Paper Revealed

Famed physicist Stephen Hawking's final paper, titled Black Hole Entropy And Soft Hair, has been published, dealing with the question of what happens when objects fall into black holes. What do you think?

This looks poised to dominate the mid-autumn astrophysics paper charts!


Felicia Garner

Stephen Hawking's Final Paper Revealed

This better not be a deal where he died halfway through writing it and it's obvious where his family filled in the gaps.


Anton Philip

Stephen Hawking's Final Paper Revealed

Hopefully he left some clues about his murderer.


Tobias Maxwell

Washington Supreme Court Strikes Down State's Death Penalty

Washington's Supreme Court ruled that the death penalty is unconstitutional due to its unequal application depending on race and extenuating circumstances, making it the 20th state to do away with capital punishment. What do you think?

This is truly a sad day for people who like it when other people die.


Nicholette Webb

Wow! This really incentivizes me to commit more crimes!


Craig Park

Private citizens can still kill though, right?


Gareth Guevara

Jared Kushner Likely Avoided Income Tax For Years

A New York Times report suggests Jared Kushner likely paid little to nothing for millions of dollars in income between 2009 and 2016 by using legal loopholes. What do you think?

Give him credit—it's pretty smart to be rich.


Ellouise Pierce

Luckily, we've enacted tax reform so this will never happen again.


Eleanor Mcintosh

Poll Finds U.S. Global Image Down, Especially Among Allies

For the second year straight, the world's view of the U.S. has declined. For example, only 39 percent of Canadians now have a favorable view of the United States, down from 65 percent at the end of President Obama's second term. What do you think?

Maybe it's time to spruce up the flag a little with some drawings of saxophones or something.


Nathan Farrell

This is outrageous. Why was it that high to begin with?


Tucker Walls

It's great to see Americans and people abroad finding common ground.


Evan Townsend

The Conners' Premieres Without Roseanne Barr

Roseanne spinoff The Conners premieres Tuesday night, featuring John Goodman, Laurie Metcalf, and the rest of the Conners family pressing on without Roseanne Barr, who was fired from the show earlier this year after posting racist comments on Twitter. What do you think?

What's the big deal? TV shows premiere without Roseanne Barr every day.


Walter Ratcliffe

Wow, being just sort of dimly aware of this show isn't the same without her.


Aniela Day

Sorry, that's when reruns of Yukon Men are on.


Tracey Case

Elizabeth Warren Releases DNA Test On Native American Ancestry

Massachusetts Senator Elizabeth Warren released a DNA test that she says proves her claims of distant Native American heritage, although it has drawn scrutiny from Native groups and Republicans. What do you think?

Sorry, but if she's serious about running for president she's going to have to pull much bigger gaffes than this.


Adam Atkins

It's impressive she found a way to upset Natives and Republicans at the same time.


Fred Larkin

This really make me wonder if I might be distantly related to some people or other.


Charles Sheppard

Sears Files For Bankruptcy

Department store giant Sears Holdings will file for bankruptcy, marking a low point for the once-major force in retail. What do you think?

How could a store so synonymous with the American experience become a fiscally unsustainable shell of its former glory?


Karl Espinosa

Sears Files For Bankruptcy

Wow, it really is the end of a few eras ago.


Tina Farley

Sears Files For Bankruptcy

Looks like the Kenmore front-loading dryer's new Smart Motion Technology wasn't enough to save Sears after all.


Shannen Lester

Canada Starts Legal Marijuana Sales

Starting Wednesday, Canada became the highest-profile country to decriminalize cannabis possession and tax and regulate its sales, opening new markets and helping drive the push in other countries like the U.S. What do you think?

I'm worried about the children. Do we really want them to grow up thinking Canada is cool?


Kevin Manfort

Canada Starts Legal Marijuana Sales


Simra Donnelly

Canada Starts Legal Marijuana Sales

That's great and all, but they'll never compete with the U.S. on opioids.


Jed Davies

Judge Denies Manafort Request To Wear Suit In Court

A federal district court judge denied Paul Manafort's request to wear a suit in court, saying he should wear prison garb just like any other defendant post-conviction. What do you think?

What part of 'white collar criminal' doesn't this judge understand?


Hannah Gonzales

Incarceration is always hard on fashion.


Koby Hansen

What? Does he expect to be treated differently like he has been his entire life?


Theodor Rubio

Trump Has Raised Over $100 Million For Reelection Campaign

President Donald Trump's reelection campaign has received more than $106 million for his bid for reelection in 2020, new Federal Election Commission reports show. What do you think?

He's got my vote. No one with that much money could be wrong.


Mike Travers

At least there's one area where Trump is thinking ahead to the future in practical terms.


Phoebe Crocker

It's exciting to see the 1 percent putting their tax cuts to good use.


Fred Tillman

Mueller Ready To Deliver Major Parts Of Findings After Midterms

Special Counsel Robert Mueller is expected to issue findings on core aspects of his Russia probe soon after the midterm elections, including addressing questions of collusion and obstruction of justice. What do you think?

It's good the FBI is sticking to their longstanding tradition of leaving America in the dark.


Aidan Simmonds

That's probably for the best. A fully informed electorate is bound to be biased.


Marla Knowles

Voter Turnout Could Hit 50-Year High For Midterm Elections

Based on self-reported voter enthusiasm and high primary turnout, pollsters are predicting a 50-year record of turnout for midterms this year, with over 50 percent of eligible voters likely to participate. What do you think?

Jesus, have things really gotten that bad?


Reed Morales

If the lines are going to be that long then maybe I'll just stay home.


Ian Mcdonald

Greenhouse Gas Emissions Declined 3% Under Trump

An EPA report found that harmful greenhouses gas emissions declined during President Trump's first year in office due to the cheaper cost of natural gas, although critics say they may rise again due to market forces and changed emissions regulations. What do you think?

Another century of statistical flukes like this and we're golden.


Ally McCabe

Setbacks aside, I'm confident this administration will destroy Earth ahead of schedule.


Julian Sloan

I don't care. He still has my vote in 2020.


Dania Gough

Report Finds More Than 2 Million U.S. Middle Schoolers And High Schoolers Have Vaped Marijuana

A new report from the CDC revealed that more than 2 million middle and high school students have used an e-cigarette to vape marijuana. What do you think?


Bryant Villalobos

I warned about this when schools added jazz music to their curriculum.


Loren Santos

Oh, no, that makes them far more likely to get into a more dangerous drug like tobacco.


Andrew Fuller

Video Footage Shows Khashoggi Body Double Exiting Consulate

Newly released surveillance footage shows a man wearing murdered Saudi journalist Jamal Khashoggi's clothes on the day he entered Saudi Arabia's consulate, adding evidence to the details of the Saudi cover-up operation. What do you think?

So? Is there a law against sending a body double to walk around the city in a murder victim's clothes?


Grover Levine

I'm just glad to live in a country where so far, this hasn't been reported as happening yet.


Hayley Mcloughlin

At least now we know his clothes are okay.


Ted Petersen

Christie's Auctions Off Stephen Hawking's Wheelchair, Thesis Paper

Christie's, a global auctioneer headquartered in London, is selling several of Stephen Hawking's personal effects, including his dissertation, thesis, and iconic wheelchair for $12,600 in an auction to benefit his foundation for preventing motor neuron diseases. What do you think?

I'll do $13,000 if they throw in his brain.


Hannah Connor

Interesting. I've been in the market for an iconic wheelchair.


Doug Rice

It's nice that they're raiding this dead guy's belongings for a good cause.


Ned Alford

Elon Musk To Open First High-Speed Test Tunnel On December 10

Elon Musk's Boring Company announced that it will open a proof-of-concept high-speed tunnel beneath Los Angeles on Dec. 10 and offer free rides to visitors on the following day, teasing the potential future of transportation. What do you think?

Tunnels? With trains in them? Under a city? I don't buy it.


Marjie Mayer

That's nice, but I'm more of a fan of his unhinged accusation of pedophilia than his tunnel building.


Kevin Britton

This should be a tantalizing glimpse at the future of how tech firms will go bankrupt.


Kurt Hartley

Explosive Device Found In Mail Sent To Biden, Obama

The Secret Service revealed that it found explosive devices in mail sent to former President Barack Obama and former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton as well as Joe Biden, CNN, and liberal philanthropist George Soros. What do you think?

It's absolutely horrific to think that someone would be invested enough in politics to do something like this.


Isadora Gale

This is probably just some Democrat trying to murder their favorite politicians.


Jason Ferrell

Does this mean I'm going to have to start taking my shoes off at the post office, too?


Ethel Porter

42% Of New Cancer Patients Lose Their Life Savings

A recent study found that 42 percent of cancer patients diagnosed between 2002 and 2012 lost their life savings and 62 percent reported being in debt due to their treatment. What do you think?

Getting cancer seems to be a terrible financial decision.


Steven Hope

With hard work and a little luck, someday I hope to be rich enough to afford having cancer.


Kevin Graham

This is why you need a minimum of three or four life's savings.


Jordan Velasquez

Red Dead Redemption 2' Released

The highly anticipated new installment of the popular Red Dead Redemption series, hailed by some reviewers as the most realistic open-world video game ever made, went on sale today. What do you think?

It's irresponsible how these open-world shooter games glamorize being outside.


Aaron Little

Red Dead Redemption 2' Released

I never played the first one. How are video games? Good?


Lisa Nichols

Red Dead Redemption 2' Released

I don't care how realistic it is, there's no substitute for the thrill you get from sliding a real horse off a mountain to get down faster.


Omar Dickson

Kavanaugh Effect' More Likely To Benefit Democrats Than Republicans

A USA TODAY/Suffolk University poll found that voters swayed by the Brett Kavanaugh confirmation process became more likely to vote Democrat than Republican. What do you think?

Suckers. My opinions are so deeply rooted that they can't be swayed by evidence of any kind.


Lillie-Mai Velez

I'm just horrified there's something called the Kavanaugh Effect.


Terry White

Ah, how wickedly cunning of the Democrats to give the Republicans a 5-4 conservative Supreme Court majority!


Klaudia Dowling

CDC: One-Third Of Americans Eat Fast Food Every Day

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention found that on any day in America, about one-third of adults eat fast food, with younger Americans among the most likely to engage in this unhealthy lifestyle. What do you think?

Shaming young poor people for eating the only affordable food options near them is the only way I can see solving this issue.


Alasdair Myers

We also suck at math, so that number is probably more like half.


Harvey Griffiths

I can't believe two-thirds of Americans are rich enough to eat fast-casual, instead.


Laura Cortez

Megyn Kelly Out At NBC

Megyn Kelly will depart NBC just 48 hours after the host made remarks in which she defended Halloween costumes that included blackface in a deal that will reportedly net the anchor $69 million due to her non-break agreement with the network. What do you think?

Well, it seems like racism was the right move for her financially.


Stephen Partridge

Megyn Kelly Out At NBC

I wish my racially insensitive comments would land me that much cash.


Nicholas McCaffrey

Megyn Kelly Out At NBC

To be fair, blackface has only been considered offensive for an extremely long time.


Coney Blair

New York Sues ExxonMobil For Misleading Investors On Climate Change

The New York State Attorney General announced plans to sue oil giant Exxon Mobil for misleading its investors about climate change, claiming that the company presented different information on the risks publicly and privately. What do you think?

Man, I wish there was some sort of governing body that could regulate environmental policies.


Eric McClure

You're making it sound like they ran a tanker aground and destroyed an entire ecosystem or something.


Emil Cobb

Hey, if you were doing something that terrible to the earth, you'd lie about it too.


Paige Klein

GLAAD: Number Of LGBTQ Series Regulars On TV At All-Time High

In its annual report on representation on television, GLAAD found that the number of LGBTQ series regulars was at an all-time high, especially drawing attention to Pose and Supergirl as history-making television moments. What do you think?


Kalvin Lawson

I couldn't even fathom a TV show starring a heterosexual anymore.


Alfie Michael

Aw, no fair. My generation's big history-making moment was Dennis Franz's ass.


Alister Booth

Instagram Surpasses Snapchat As Most-Used App By U.S. Teens

A study published in The Wall Street Journal found that Instagram is now used daily by 85 percent of U.S. teens, compared to 84 percent who use Snapchat. What do you think?

You know, in hindsight, it was probably smart of Instagram to steal all of Snapchat's best features.


Claire Huber

And yet I can't get a single one to follow me back.


Justin McCormack

Of course, a cool guy like me already knew that.