Alara Farrell

Times' Gives Klobuchar, Warren 2020 Endorsement

In a break from their tradition of choosing one candidate, the New York Times endorsed Amy Klobuchar and Elizabeth Warren for the 2020 Democratic primary, saying the two senators represented a moderate and progressive vision for the party that voters would have to choose from to pit against President Trump. What do you think?

Glad I wasn't the only one thinking it took two women to do a man's job.


Darcy George

Why limit ourselves to just one candidate who can't beat Trump in November?


Diogo Villegas

They should've also endorsed Trump to really cover their bases.


Patrick Garner

Greta Thunberg Speaks On Climate At Davos 2020

Teenage climate activist Greta Thunberg addressed leaders on the climate crisis on the opening day of the World Economic Forum in Davos, Switzerland, bringing attention to the issue at a conference that will be dominated with reconciling business with carbon emissions. What do you think?

Man, she is really all-in on this habitable planet thing.


Ryley Kaufman

My teenager addressed a criminal court judge just the other day, so he's doing big things, too.


Luna Kirkland

Huh. So, I guess other people have gotten their Davos invitations already.


John Santiago

Hillary Clinton Attacks Bernie Sanders In New Interview

Former Presidential candidate Hillary Clinton attacked Bernie Sanders in a recent interview with The Hollywood Reporter discussing a forthcoming Hulu documentary about her life, calling the senator a career politician and saying nobody likes him. What do you think?

Well, these are the kind of stunts you're forced to pull when your documentary is on Hulu.


Liana Turnbull

How dare Bernie drive her to say something so ugly.


Ray McArthur

Isn't she worried these personal attacks will soil her legacy of blowing an easily winnable election?


Kevin England

Kellyanne Conway Suggests MLK Would Have Opposed Trump Impeachment

Trump advisor Kellyanne Conway told reporters that Martin Luther King Jr. would not have supported current impeachment efforts if he were alive today, saying Dr. King's promotion of harmony between peoples would have led him to oppose tear[ing] the country apart through an impeachment process and a lack of substance that really is very shameful at this point. What do you think?

Dr. King always championed those who embodied everything he fought against.


Ellen Sadler

I mean, it's not like he left behind numerous letters and speeches documenting his actual views.


Bryan Allison

Wow. I didn't even know they were friends!


Libby Ryder

U.S. Joins One Trillion Tree Pledge

President Trump announced plans for the U.S. to join the One Trillion Tree initiative launched at the World Economic Forum as a means to combat climate change, a move that environmentalist such as Greta Thunberg said were good but were not an effective method of addressing the warming planet compared to ending fossil fuel use and funding solar and wind production. What do you think?

Someone should tell Greta that comparison is the thief of joy.


Alastair Finnegan

U.S. Joins One Trillion Tree Pledge

I applaud President Trump for having the courage to aggressively combat this complete and total hoax.


Dylan Lancaster

U.S. Joins One Trillion Tree Pledge

Is it really a good idea to let trees outnumber us like that?


Fatima Ross

Judge Denies Dismissal Of Lewdness Charges For Woman Found Topless In Own Home

Judge Kara Pettit rejected the dismissal of charges against Utah resident Tilli Buchanan, a woman charged with lewdness after her stepchildren found her topless beside her husband while installing insulation in their garage. What do you think?

This situation doesn't usually lead to a lawsuit in the pornography I watch.


Brett Wegman

This is why I always hire professionals for my insulation needs.


Felix Stubbs

When I was little, my mom used to urinate with the door open, and to this day, she walks free.


Ray Barrett

Doomsday Clock Set To 100 Seconds To Midnight

Citing the growing threat of climate change and looming threat of nuclear war, the Bulletin of the Atomic Scientists' Science and Security Board set the doomsday clock to 100 seconds to midnight, the closest the clock has been to humanity's metaphorical destruction since its creation in 1947. What do you think?

Atomic scientists are just trying to drum up a little publicity for atomic science again.


Hugh Pacheco

I'll be sure to adjust my constant feelings of dread accordingly.


Cara Wheatley

These scientists are going to be so embarrassed when the world doesn't end in the next minute and forty seconds.


Chris Parkinson

China Locks Down 6 Cities To Combat Coronavirus

In an effort to combat the spread of a virus that has already been detected in more than 500 citizens, the Chinese government has locked down transportation in or out of six coronavirus-infected cities, including Wuhan, Hubei's capital of 11 million people where the virus first emerged. What do you think?

That's a shame. Traveling is my favorite thing to do when I'm sick.


Kamil Middleton

I hope to God none of those cities are in the U.S.


Ishmael O’Doherty

This never would've happened under the Xia Dynasty.


Devin Lugo

Billie Eilish, Lizzo Win Big At 62nd Annual Grammys

Billie Eilish, Lizzo, Willie Nelson, and Cage the Elephant were among those honored for major awards at the 62nd annual Grammys, an event that was marred by behind-the-scenes scandal amidst claims of sexual harassment and voting rigging. What do you think?

I still prefer Lizzo from before I was familiar with her music.


Craig McCabe

Eilish's wins are a stunning and long-deserved triumph for people who dress in baggy layers.


Sarah Robles

And once again, Uncut Gems was totally snubbed.


Wayne Summers

Polling Shows Sanders Surpassing Biden In Iowa, New Hampshire

Challenging the former vice president's front-runner status, four recent polls show Senator Bernie Sanders leading the presidential race in both New Hampshire and Iowa, states that are considered potential keys to framing the trajectory of the eventual Democratic nomination. What do you think?

I was going to vote for Bernie, but it sounds like he's got it from here.


Aaron O’Connor

No matter how many elections he wins, Bernie Sanders will always be unelectable to me.


Tara Ferry

He's the perfect compromise between Warren's impractical progressivism and Biden's worrisome age!


Sarah Lucas

Bolton Book Confirms Trump Tied Aid To Biden Investigation

Providing a powerful piece of evidence in the case against President Trump, a new book by former National Security Advisor John Bolton contains the bombshell claim that the president personally tied foreign aid to Ukraine launching an investigation into former Vice President Biden. What do you think?

I'm no fan of Bolton, but I respect the courage it takes to try to profit off of this.


Vincent Logan

I can't wait to see how the liberals try to spin this into some sort of attack on the president.


Elios Redfern

There's no way the Republicans can ignore this. Cover it up, sure, but not ignore.


Nigel Farrow

White House Rolls Out Middle East Peace Plan

Amidst a visit by current Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu and his electoral opponent Benny Gantz, the Trump administration rolled out its long-awaited Middle East peace plan despite outcry that the plan received little input from Palestinian leaders. What do you think?

Trump's plan is going to bring so much peace. Those Palestinians don't stand a chance.


Edna Woodward

I hope their proposal is fair to both the Israelis and the Israelis' supporters.


John Nieves

What branch of government does the Middle East fall under again?


Sarah Hayes

7.7 Magnitude Earthquake Strikes Jamaica, Cuba

The strongest earthquake on record in the Caribbean has struck Jamaica and Cuba, resulting in building evacuations and potential injuries, although reporting has yet to confirm the fallout's magnitude. What do you think?

I'm glad I live in a country where earthquakes have been all but eliminated.


Britany Peterson

I wouldn't have rated it higher than a 6.5, but to each their own.


Barry Walter

What a horrible thing for me to have to hear about.


Julie Buck

U.S. Deficit Projected To Hit $1 Trillion In 2020

The Congressional Budget Office projected the country's deficit will eclipse $1 trillion in 2020, raising concerns of fiscal imbalances spurred by recent White House tax cuts that largely favored the wealthy. What do you think?

Well, if we do a trillion-dollar tax cut, that'll generate a trillion dollars that we can use to pay it off.


Adam Werner

I think we've all collectively decided this will never catch up with us.


Frank Patton

Coronavirus Reaches 6,000 Cases

In news that has resulted in Western nations recalling citizens and international businesses shuttering their China locations, the Wuhan coronavirus has reached over 6,000 cases, a level unseen since the SARS epidemic in 2002. What do you think?

I'm doing my part by not being able to afford to travel internationally.


Jerry Keenan

Coronavirus Reaches 6,000 Cases

Yeah, but 6,000 cases in China is like five cases in the States.


Karen Romero

Coronavirus Reaches 6,000 Cases

Phew, glad to see my xenophobia finally justified.


Hannah Wade

Poll Finds 75% Of Voters Want Impeachment Witnesses

A Quinnipiac University poll found three-quarters of registered voters think witnesses should be allowed in the Senate impeachment trial, a finding that suggests both Republicans, Democrats, and independents oppose Mitch McConnell's avoidance of such a motion, although respondents differed in which individuals they would call to testify. What do you think?

What a sham. Polling the American public is a textbook witch hunt tactic.


Ezekiel Davie

It's too bad that the Senate is only required to represent 25% of people.


Richard Frye

They should call in that guy who works at the 7-Eleven as a witness. He did a great job at my trial.


Allen Brock

WHO Declares Coronavirus A Global Health Emergency

With a death toll climbing to 180 in China and reported cases in dozens of other nations, World Health Organization officials declared the coronavirus a global health emergency in the hope of raising awareness about combating the rapidly-spreading epidemic. What do you think?

A few weeks ago, it was just a provincial zoonosis with a dream, and now look at it.


Theo Berg

Don't they understand that by living in fear of the virus, we're giving it the power?


Alisha Palacios

Is this the kind of emergency that's dangerous to me or just millions of other people?


Harry Clifford

House Votes To Repeal 2002 Military Authorization

In an attempt to curtail the White House's authority in matters of war, the House of Representatives voted to repeal the 2002 war authorization used by George W. Bush and subsequent administrations as justification for military strikes in a move that would require congressional approval before any action against Iran. What do you think?

This is long overdue, considering we finished disposing of Iraq's WMDs years ago.


Mario Whitfield

I support taking any and all actions in order to prevent invading Iraq in 2003.


Rhea Barron

Oh, come on! This country used to be fun.


Max McCullough

Chiefs Win Super Bowl

With the Lombardi Trophy on the line at Hard Rock Stadium, millions across the world gathered to watch the Chiefs claim victory at Super Bowl LIV while enjoying snacks, commercials, and the company of friends. What do you think?

Just goes to show you what you can achieve if you score more points than the other team.


Charley Mcclure

Chiefs Win Super Bowl

It was an insane fourth quarter! I ate so much!


Lilly-Mae Wallis

Chiefs Win Super Bowl

I think we all know who the real winners were: the Chiefs.


Keith Adkins

Punxsutawney Phil Fails To See Shadow Symbolizing Early Spring

As part of the beloved yearly tradition celebrated since 1887, residents of Punxsutawney, PA gathered on Groundhog's Day to discover Phil had not seen his own shadow after leaving his hole, predicting an early spring. What do you think?

We are truly nothing but the playthings of this capricious god.


Renee Barclay

Disney Buys 'Hamilton' Film Rights For $75 Million

Lin-Manuel Miranda revealed the movie adaptation of his groundbreaking Broadway show Hamilton will be released by Disney in fall 2021 after the Tony Award- and Pulitzer Prize-winning play was acquired for $75 million. What do you think?

Special shout-out to the lawyers and agents who make magic like this possible.


Ewen Vinson

It must feel great to finally make some money off that thing.


Vince Mclaughlin

I don't see how a Hamilton film can recapture the live-wire thrill of paying $300 for a ticket.


Jay Bain

Buttigieg, Sanders Locked In Battle For Iowa

As technical difficulties continue to delay official results well into the second day, Bernie Sanders and Pete Buttigieg wait to see who will emerge victorious in the 2020 Iowa caucus, an achievement that could reshape the presidential race as well as garner additional media coverage and fundraising for the candidates. What do you think?

Dear Lord, when will those poor voters be allowed to leave their corner of the gymnasium!?


Eloise Cole

Democracy may not be perfect, but it's the only way to assure everyone in Wyoming has 4 voices.


Cain Read

Look, I'm no conspiracy theorist, but it's clear to me that every single individual in the Democratic race deliberately did this to damage Bernie Sanders.


Murray Browning

Trump Delivers Third State Of The Union

President Trump delivered his third State of the Union amidst a likely Senate acquittal of his impeachment trial and the beginning of the Democratic primary season in Iowa. What do you think?

It's always so hard waiting all year to learn how the union's doing.


Nikita Cunningham

Trump Delivers Third State Of The Union


Grant Castro

Trump Delivers Third State Of The Union

I can't believe the guy is still president despite how often I point out that his skin has an orange tone.


Cody Mcgrath

Buttigieg, Sanders In Dead Heat In Iowa Caucus

Following a turbulent roll-out of results and a call for recanvassing by DNC Chair Tom Perez, Pete Buttigieg and Bernie Sanders remain virtually tied in the Iowa caucuses with 97% of precincts reporting, although the former South Bend mayor retains a slight lead in delegate count. What do you think?

Voters have shown a clear desire for radical change or its opposite.


Brett Camacho

It's refreshing to see a gay man be elected president of Iowa.


Giulia Knights

Impressive that Bernie's strong social media support translated in a state without internet.


Griff Wilder

Trump Acquitted

In a pair of party-line votes that capped off five months of investigation and testimony, President Trump became the third commander-in-chief acquitted in American history, although Senator Mitt Romney's dissenting vote to convict denied him a purely partisan acquittal. What do you think?

This is a triumph of political will against the burden of overwhelming evidence.


Peter Sheridan

Trump Acquitted

Now it's up to American voters to let him off the hook.


Chelsea Chen

Trump Acquitted

This sets a dangerous precedent for how happy we allow Mitch McConnell to be.


Grace McDonnell

Bernie Madoff Asks For Prison Release

Ponzi-scheme mastermind Bernie Madoff is seeking a compassionate release for his renal failure from a 150-year prison sentence for charges that he stole roughly $20 billion from celebrities, charities, financial funds, and average investors. What do you think?

Imagine how terrible it would be to not only be sentenced to life in prison but to also have to die there.


Aaron Dennis

Bernie Madoff Asks For Prison Release

At least at the end of his life, he expressed deep sympathy for himself and all that he's suffered.


Nathan Ridley

Bernie Madoff Asks For Prison Release

Good, then he can finally give me an update on how my investment is doing.


Arla Gill

Bumblebee Disappearance Linked To Extreme Heat

Researchers found a rapid decline in bumblebees linked to climate changes, driving the insects to be half as likely to be found in North America as they were in 1901. What do you think?

Good riddance! I've done just fine carrying my own pollen back and forth.


Murphy Reid

Yeah, I felt something was off during my daily frolic through the flowers.


Francis Ballard

Oh, does the poor little species need its precious habitable environment?


Nora Pratt

Parasite' Wins Best Picture At 92nd Oscars

In an awards season dominated by discussion of homogeneity among the slate of nominees and the producers' choice to forgo a host, Bong Joon-ho's Parasite triumphed over fellow contenders at the 92nd Academy Awards and became the first foreign-language film to ever win Best Picture. What do you think?

As someone who's known about South Korean cinema for a few weeks now, I have to say it's about time.


Marc Thornton

We're dangerously close to respecting the artistic accomplishments of other cultures.


Roman Garza

Do none of the voters realize that art is subjective?


Rachel Carroll

Trump Fires Officials Who Testified In Impeachment Inquiry

Gordon Sondland was recalled from his post as ambassador to the European Union and Lt. Col. Alexander Vindman was fired from his job on the National Security Council on Friday as President Trump sought retribution for their testimony in the House impeachment inquiry. What do you think?

Finally, people are being held accountable for the Ukraine scandal.


Francis Lambert

Well, how would you feel if your subordinate tried to bring your crimes to light?


Jon Hayes

This sends a strong message to anyone considering donating $1 million to Trump.


Dion Aleman

Website Offers Porn To Passengers Trapped On Quarantined Cruise Ship

In an effort to ease fear and alleviate boredom, the pornography site CamSoda is offering free webcam sessions to the 3,700 passengers and crew trapped aboard the Diamond Princess, a cruise ship that has been quarantined for nearly a week after 135 guests tested positive for coronavirus. What do you think?

The onboard entertainment must be pretty bad then, huh?


Stacy Hill

Premium pornography is a classic remedy that my family has used for generations.


Roy Luna

Sorry, but as a Christian, I believe that man was only meant to ejaculate on land.


Noel Sullivan

University Of Colorado To Offer Degree In Marijuana

This fall, the University of Colorado will offer a bachelor's degree in cannabis biology and chemistry, providing students the chance to enter the country's burgeoning marijuana industry armed with an education rooted in natural products and analytical science. What do you think?

I fear this will act as a gateway degree to a master's in pharmacology.


Christopher Blair

This just plays into the stereotype of potheads being overachieving intellectuals.


Jodi Sutton

They're going to need something more alluring than chemistry to get college kids into marijuana.


Julia Adkins

Sanders Wins New Hampshire Primary

Following the Iowa caucus debacle that delayed official results and left observers confused, Bernie Sanders won New Hampshire's Democratic primary on Tuesday. What do you think?

So what? A Democrat wins that primary every 4 years.


Damon Welch

Sanders Wins New Hampshire Primary

Is any victory worth the cost of pushing Michael Bennet out of the race?


Orlando Lloyd

Sanders Wins New Hampshire Primary

Jesus, how many states does this goddamn country have?


Clifford Fuller

Birds Of Prey' Renamed Following Poor Box Office Results

Warner Bros. renamed its DC Comics movie Birds Of Prey (And The Fantabulous Emancipation Of One Harley Quinn) to Harley Quinn: Birds Of Prey in an effort to boost ticket sales after a lower-than-projected opening weekend. What do you think?

They should rename it Avengers: Endgame. That movie made a ton of money.


Cesar Bradley

Well, that explains why I felt like I saw the same movie twice.


Melanie Sullivan

The new title still doesn't say if it's any good.


Ada Mcguire

Yang, Bennet, Patrick Drop Out Of Presidential Race

Andrew Yang, Michael Bennet and Deval Patrick ended their presidential bids following Tuesday's New Hampshire primary, narrowing the 2020 Democratic field from 11 to 8. What do you think?

It'll be interesting to see how this affects their chances in the upcoming primaries.


Virgil Reed

You gotta admire Deval Patrick's efficiency in squeezing his entire campaign into a few short months.


Oscar Boyd

Savvy move by Bennet to end his campaign only so he can play kingmaker with his endorsement.


Ray Figueroa

BP Plans To Be Carbon-Neutral By 2050

Oil giant BP has pledged to shrink its carbon footprint to net zero within the next 30 years by reducing greenhouse gas emissions and investing in green energy, though critics claim the plan does not go far enough. What do you think?

This is the kind of ambitious empty promise we need from all the big oil companies.


Lynne Frank

BP Plans To Be Carbon-Neutral By 2050

Man, they must be distracting us from an absolutely massive oil spill.


Karl Parker

BP Plans To Be Carbon-Neutral By 2050

As an ecoterrorist, this is really disappointing.


Gustavo Reid

Americans Celebrate Valentine's Day

Americans are projected to spend over $27 billion in total sales, or approximately $196 per person, on Valentine's Day this year. How will you be celebrating Valentine's Day?

I'm finally going to teach my wife how to bowl.


Tamara Gordon

Americans Celebrate Valentine's Day

My partner and I prefer to keep things simple, so probably just a full night of very kinky sex.


Howard Lamb

Americans Celebrate Valentine's Day


Sam Terry

Hope Hicks Returns To White House

Two years after resigning her position as White House communications director amidst Special Counsel Robert Mueller's investigation, Hope Hicks is rejoining the Trump administration as a senior advisor. What do you think?

So, I guess the book deal didn't pan out.


Claire Gibbs

Hope Hicks Returns To White House

It takes a big person to admit that they love making money.


Martin Chapman

Hope Hicks Returns To White House

I always thought it was a shame she left before getting the chance to be properly fired.


Philip Harmon

1,100 Former DOJ Officials Urge Barr To Resign

More than 1,100 former federal prosecutors and Department of Justice officials have signed a letter calling on Attorney General William Barr to resign after Barr intervened to reduce the prison sentence recommendation for Trump ally Roger Stone. What do you think?

No matter what you do, there will always be a thousand or so people who disagree.


Amber Cook

Wow, I'd quit my job if even a single person asked me to.


Drew Sullivan

If these prosecutors think long sentences are so great, then why aren't they in prison?


Vickie Hughes

Number Of Homeless Students On The Rise

A report from the National Center for Homeless Education found that 1.5 million public school students nationwide experienced homelessness at some point during the 2017-2018 school year, more than double the number reported in 2004. What do you think?

Homelessness, huh? My generation's thing was long-sleeved tees under short-sleeved tees.


Colin Ellis

Number Of Homeless Students On The Rise

I bet we could get these numbers down if we just barred people without homes from going to school.


Sylvester Bowen

Number Of Homeless Students On The Rise


Bobby Bell

Boy Scouts File For Bankruptcy

The Boy Scouts of America filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy Tuesday, a move the organization says is necessary in the face over 300 lawsuits, but which critics say is an attempt to escape its financial obligations to sexual abuse victims. What do you think?

No one ever stops to think about the financial repercussions of molesting.


Tammy Martin

Boy Scouts File For Bankruptcy

I don't see why an organization should be held responsible for the acts of the few hundred pedophiles it recruited.


Harold Green

Boy Scouts File For Bankruptcy

Oh great, now how will my son learn to tie knots?


Clarence Young

Trump Pardons Rod Blagojevich

President Trump commuted the 14-year prison sentence of former Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich, who has been in federal prison since 2012 after he was convicted of attempting to sell Barack Obama's empty Senate seat. What do you think?

Presidential pardons start to lose their appeal when just any schmuck can get one.


Arthur Cook

Trump Pardons Rod Blagojevich

Good. We should be encouraging entrepreneurs, not punishing them.


Laura Brown

Trump Pardons Rod Blagojevich

It's nice to see the president supporting corruption across party lines.


Lori Mcbride

George Zimmerman Sues Buttigieg, Warren

George Zimmerman, whose acquittal for shooting and killing Trayvon Martin sparked national debate, is suing Pete Buttigieg and Elizabeth Warren for defamation, claiming their tributes to Martin were attempts to garner votes in the black community. What do you think?

Hmm, it's not like George Zimmerman to just attack someone for no reason.


Emmett Huff

George Zimmerman Sues Buttigieg, Warren

Nothing is more damaging to a man's reputation than suggesting he shouldn't have killed a teenager.


Wesley Dixon

George Zimmerman Sues Buttigieg, Warren

Better this than outside attempting to patrol his neighborhood.


Wanda Mccormick

Coral Reefs Could Disappear Within Next 80 Years

Researchers at the University of Hawaii predict that 90% of the world's coral reefs could die in the next 20 years and that reefs could disappear entirely by 2100 as climate change increases ocean temperatures. What do you think?

There must be something incremental but ultimately not good enough we can do.


Tyrone Long

Sad to think our grandkids won't be able to experience the beauty of other people's scuba diving Instagram posts.


David Turner

That's ok, I don't eat much coral anyway.


Gilberto Pierce

Roger Stone Sentenced To Over 3 Years In Prison

President Trump's former campaign advisor and longtime friend Roger Stone was sentenced to 40 months in prison for lying to Congress and obstructing the investigation into Russiain meddling during the 2016 election. What do you think?

I don't think we should be sending people to prison just because they have different opinions on committing felonies.


Nettie Boone

If he's guilty of anything, it's all the stuff he was convicted of.


Dan Cross

Hey, you do the crime, you do a tiny portion of the time.


Gene Barton

Forever 21 Bought Following Bankruptcy

Fast-fashion retailer Forever 21, which filed for bankruptcy in 2019 following declining sales, has been purchased by Authentic Brands, with plans to keep nearly 500 stores open nationwide and add new lines of accessories. What do you think?

What a waste of money. It's just going to fall apart after a few weeks.


Edgar Wolfe

Forever 21 Bought Following Bankruptcy

Phew, for a second there I thought I would have to just stop wearing clothes.


Antonia Frazier

Forever 21 Bought Following Bankruptcy


Chet Brockman

Trump Visits India

President Trump departed Sunday for a two-day visit to India, where he will take part in a rally with Prime Minister Narendra Modi, visit the Taj Mahal, and attend a state banquet in Delhi. What do you think?

I don't get it. Is Trump for or against other countries?


Fritz Healey

Trump Visits India

Trump must be feeling so ambivalent to have such huge crowds that are full of foreigners.


Merideth Beale

Trump Visits India

I hope he finds the spiritual enlightenment he's looking for.


Rory Wooden

Scientists Use Artificial Intelligence To Discover New Antibiotics

MIT scientists have developed a machine-learning computer algorithm to identify new and more powerful molecules capable of killing so-called superbugs or bacteria that is resistant to common antibiotics. What do you think?

This is going to put so many antibiotic discoverers out of work.


Monte Fong

It's sad how we've become reliant on computers for even the simplest theoretical chemistry tasks.


Margaret Battaglia

AI? Algorithms? Bacteria? Yeah, that's classic scientist stuff.


Coleman Foust

Harvey Weinstein Found Guilty

Disgraced film producer Harvey Weinstein, whose behavior ignited the #MeToo movement in 2017 after over 100 women came forward to accuse him of rape, sexual assault, and harassment, was found guilty of two felony sex crimes in New York, though his lawyers say they plan to appeal the decision. What do you think?

Imagine going through the trouble of becoming rich and powerful only to not have it shield you from being convicted of sexual assault.


Dulcie Caballero

Harvey Weinstein Found Guilty

The message is clear: occasionally believe women.


Larry Chavarria

Harvey Weinstein Found Guilty

Oof, no wonder everyone at work is in such a somber mood today.


Lorette Mullin

Netflix Adds 'Top 10' List Featuring Most Popular Shows

Netflix is introducing a new feature to its homepage this week listing the top 10 most-viewed shows and movies within the user's country, which the company says will provide subscribers with information on what other people are actually watching. What do you think?

This is great news for a busy person like me who only has time to watch the 10 most popular shows every week.


Albert Stovall

It's about time Netflix finally invested in some serious list technology.


Brady Cronin

I'll stick to watching everything alphabetically, thanks.


Lauryn Martel

Actor Hank Azaria To Stop Voicing Apu On 'The Simpsons'

Hank Azaria, who has played dozens of Simpsons' characters over the show's 30-year history, announced that he will no longer voice Kwik-E-Mart owner Apu Nahasapeemapetilon, saying outcry from critics who feel the Indian immigrant is a bigoted stereotype opened his eyes to the issue. What do you think?

Of course he'd wait to say that 15 years after the show went off the air.


Norris Mercer

I'm proud that my years of impersonating Apu to harass my Indian classmates finally helped Hank see the light.


Martin Duckett

I'm all for political correctness, but it's going too far when you can't even mock cultures you know nothing about.


Randee Barden

CDC Warns Of U.S. Coronavirus Outbreak

The Centers for Disease Control is warning Americans to prepare for potential coronavirus outbreaks across the country, urging people to take social distancing measures such as closing schools and staying home from work in order to avoid spreading the virus that has infected 80,000 people and caused 2,600 deaths worldwide. What do you think?

Tell me, this isn't one of those diseases that can spread from person to person, right?


Dalton Henley

CDC Warns Of U.S. Coronavirus Outbreak

Has America really fallen so far that we have to import all of our new epidemics?


Mathilda Holly

CDC Warns Of U.S. Coronavirus Outbreak


Brady Condon

Maria Sharapova Retires From Tennis

Russian tennis star Maria Sharapova, 32, is retiring after a 19-year career that included five Grand Slam titles, a silver Olympic medal and four years ranked as the Women's Tennis Association's number-one player. What do you think?

I'll always remember her for being one of the tennis players I've heard of.


Dwain Keefe

Maria Sharapova Retires From Tennis

I can't say I'm surprised, seeing as tennis is the exact thing I'd expect her to retire from.


Tracee Byrne

Maria Sharapova Retires From Tennis

Pretty pathetic to peak as one of the world's greatest athletes so early in life.


Gus Yoon

Scotland Set To Become First Country To Provide Free Menstrual Products To All Women

The Scottish Parliament approved legislation Tuesday to provide free tampons and pads in public spaces, a move which activists and lawmakers say will promote gender equality and reduce the financial burden of purchasing period products, which are taxed as luxury goods in many countries. What do you think?

Sorry, I get really squeamish whenever the subject of government-provided benefits comes up.


Humberto Galloway

If a woman decides not to be pregnant, it's her responsibility to deal with the mess.


Keshia Runyan

I wonder how we'd handle this if menstruation ever came to America.


Analisa Mount

Marine Corps Orders Removal Of Confederate Symbols From All Bases

Marine Corps Commandant Gen. David Berger has ordered that Confederate pharenphanlia be removed from all Marine installations worldwide, a move that comes at a time when 36% of active-duty service members say they have witnessed examples of white nationalism and other racist ideology within their ranks. What do you think?

I think our military should be allowed to honor their heritage of terrorizing minorities.


Cristobal Norfleet

This is going to discourage a lot of people from enlisting to serve the Confederacy.


Delmar Medlin

Look, no one signs up for the Marines to follow a bunch of strict rules.


Curt Nieves

Americans Conned Out Of $201 Million In Online Romance Scams In 2019

According to the Federal Trade Commission, Americans were scammed out of $201 million in online dating schemes last year, a 40% increase from 2018, with the average victim losing $2,600 and victims over 70 losing closer to $10,000. What do you think?

Yeah, but that stat doesn't account for the times the scammers accidentally fall in love with their victims.


Luanne Craddock

In a way, isn't true love the biggest scam of all?


Jackson Strong

Tom Steyer Drops Out Of Democratic Presidential Race

Billionaire former hedge fund executive Tom Steyer, who spent over $260 million of his own money on his presidential bid, has dropped out of the race after taking third place in the South Carolina primary on Saturday. What do you think?

You can suspend a campaign, but you can't suspend whatever it was he stood for.


Dylan Tanaka

Dang, the periphery won't be the same without him.


Ramona Steele

I just hope he feels like he got his $260 million's worth.


Desiree Stephens

Astronomers Discover 'Mini-Moon' Orbiting Earth

Astronomers in Tucson have discovered a car-sized asteroid circling the planet, which they believe was captured by Earth's gravitational pull in 2017 but will soon spin off to continue its journey around the sun. What do you think?

Are they sure it wasn't just the regular moon from farther away?


Randell Aranda

Good, we were playing with fire without a moon backup.


Joy Hines

Buttigieg, Klobuchar Endorse Biden After Suspending Campaigns

After ending their presidential bids earlier this week, both Pete Buttigieg and Amy Klobuchar say they are endorsing former Vice President Joe Biden for the Democratic nominee. What do you think?

It's only polite for Biden to endorse them back.


Ryan Johnson

This is just the boost Biden needs to stay conscious through the end of the primary.


Wilton Upshaw

That's too bad. I was really looking forward to electing six presidents this year.


Geneva Wilson

Judge Judy' Ending After 25 Seasons

Retired family court judge Judy Sheindlin announced that her eponymous courtroom reality show, which garners nearly nine million viewers a day and has made her one of the highest-paid television personalities of all time, will end following 25 years on air. What do you think?

This is going to place an even heavier burden on our overstretched Judge Mathis system.


Pierre Bonds

Judge Judy' Ending After 25 Seasons

Oh man, I'll never forget that episode where the plaintiff won.


Roger Griffin

Judge Judy' Ending After 25 Seasons

I feel so much safer keying my ex's car now.


Ethan Michaels

Health Officials Ask Americans To Stop Buying Face Masks

As the number of confirmed coronavirus cases continues to grow, U.S. Surgeon General Jerome Adams urged Americans to stop purchasing face masks, noting that the masks are intended only for healthcare providers and people who are currently ill. What do you think?

First, they told us not to buy them, and now they're telling us to stop buying them? Make up your minds.


Irene Wilson

Not even God himself could stop me from spending money on things I don't need.


Alphonso Southard

Apple Ordered To Pay Up To $500 Million Over Slow iPhones

Apple will pay up to $500 million to settle a class-action lawsuit following accusations the company used software updates to purposely slow down older iPhones in order to compel users to purchase new models. What do you think?

Whoever owns that slow iPhone is going to be very rich.


Eric Bostic

Jeez. I'll definitely be buying my next iPhone from a different company.


Karyn Murphy

I have a '98 iMac with the same problem.


Martin Brown

Dixie Chicks Release First New Single In 14 years

Country music trio the Dixie Chicks, who were blacklisted by networks and boycotted by fans after criticizing the Iraq War in 2003, have released a new single entitled Gaslighter following a 14-year break from producing music. What do you think?

They should have no trouble avoiding controversy now that we're no longer in the hyper-partisan Bush era.


Helen Gray

Sorry, I only listen to music that unwaveringly supports all wars.


Juan Young

Oh wow, this takes me back to the bad-faith outrage of my youth.


Brandon Washington

Former TV Host Must Pay PBS $1.5 Million For Violating Morality Clause

A jury has ruled that PBS is entitled to collect $1.5 million from former on-air personality Tavis Smiley for violating the morality clause of his employment contract after several women came forward in 2017 to accuse him of sexual misconduct and harassment. What do you think?

I never would have supported Smiley's shows if I knew he was the kind of guy who breaks employment contracts.


Gregory Torres

Another great reminder to read those on-boarding documents carefully whenever you start a new job.


Kathleen Ross

And where was this morality clause when Timmy and Tommy Tibble refused to share with D.W.?


Doyle Lewis

Elizabeth Warren Suspends Presidential Campaign

Senator Elizabeth Warren announced that she is dropping out of the presidential race after struggling to gain traction in the primary, but has not yet announced who she is backing as both Sanders and Biden seek her endorsement. What do you think?

I don't know why, but I suddenly find her more likable now that she's no longer seeking a position of executive authority.


Kenny Norris

If she endorses herself, she might still be able to win this thing.


Hope Glover

I've said it before: America will never elect a president who already owns a dog.


Bertha Long

Steph Curry Returns To NBA Following Injury

Six-time NBA All-Star Steph Curry rejoined the Golden State Warriors this week after more than four months off recovering from a hand injury sustained during a game last October. What do you think?

I hope he can still stay competitive now that other teams know hurting his hand is his weakness.


Jessie Alvarado

Interesting to see if time away has changed his perspective on scoring points.


Alan Sanders

Pope Francis Gives Blessings Via Video In Effort To Reduce Spread Of Coronavirus

As the number of coronavirus cases skyrocket to over 7,375 throughout Italy, Vatican officials confirmed that Pope Francis will video stream his next two public blessings to prevent large crowds from further spreading the disease. What do you think?

Well, why don't we just lock ourselves in a dark closet and talk to our priest through a screen while we're at it?


Eric Cooper

It's great to see the Catholic Church modernizing in this one specific way.


Della Willis

I'm eager to watch the video live with thousands of others in St. Peter's Square.


Thomas Ward

NASA Says Lettuce Grown In Space Is Safe To Eat

A new report found that lettuce grown on the International Space Station is just as safe and nutritious as lettuce grown on Earth, a fact which scientists say will allow astronauts to supplement prepackaged food and sustain themselves on longer space expeditions. What do you think?

Thanks, NASA, but I only eat locally sourced produce.


Lela Wright

Nothing I'd want more after a long day of hurtling through space than a nice wet handful of lettuce.


Stephen Bailey

Wow. I guess I really underestimated how boring space is.


Alma Collier

Twitter Adds 'Manipulated Media' Label To Video Retweeted By Trump

A new Twitter policy intended to crack down on tweets containing deceptive photos, audio, and video was deployed for the first time Sunday on an edited clip of Joe Biden that was circulated by the president and his social media director. What do you think?

I'm glad Twitter is finally cracking down on Twitter.


Howard Scott

Perfect, now I know exactly which videos to share.


Michael Stewart

This kind of nonsense is why I prefer Facebook.


Amy Barber

Wells Fargo Board Members Resign Following Congressional Report

Two Wells Fargo board members have resigned after a House committee report found the company failed to properly address previous consumer abuse scandals that include falsifying records, forging signatures, opening fraudulent accounts, charging fees on those fraudulent accounts, and mistakenly foreclosing on homes. What do you think?

I think it sets a dangerous precedent if we start holding corporations to the impossible standard of not abusing their customers.


Lester Williamson

At least they left before any real damage was done.


Harry Park

These two better hope the cops don't find out about this.


Bryan Nguyen

Putin Backs Constitutional Amendment That Could Keep Him In Office Through 2036

Russian lawmakers have introduced a proposal that would reset Vladimir Putin's current term limit back to zero, allowing him to serve as president for two more six-year terms. What do you think?

Yeah, but who knows if he'd even want to run again.


Olive Newman

It's time for Putin to step aside and let someone else have a go with maintaining absolute power.


Alvin Castro

I love that I'll get to grow old with him.


Melba Cummings

Dow Jones Drops 20% As Pandemic Fears Grow

On the heels of the World Health Organization declaring coronavirus a pandemic, the Dow Jones dropped 20% from its 11-year high earlier this year and officially tipped into a bear market. What do you think?

It's hard for me to have sympathy for vague, man-made concepts such as stockbrokers.


Adam Hopkins

You mean, in a sense we're controlling the Dow with our minds? Awesome!


Dustin Wells

This is why I only invest in timeshares.


Howard Bush

Racist 'Song Of The South' Will Not Be Added To Disney+

Bob Iger confirmed that Song Of The South, a 1946 live-action/animated musical criticized for promoting racist stereotypes and glorifying life on Reconstruction-era plantations, will not appear on the company's streaming service. What do you think?

Yikes. That animated live-action hybrid style hasn't aged well at all.


Lynda Bradley

But for some reason, we're all okay with Lady And The Tramp sexualizing the homeless?


Corey Holt

Way to ruin my racist childhood, Disney.


Joseph Luna

College, Professional Sports Seasons Postponed And Suspended Following Coronavirus Fears

As coronavirus continues to spread, the NBA, NHL and NCAA called off the rest of their respective seasons, including the March Madness Division I Basketball Tournament, while the MLB halted spring training. What do you think?

A couple of months drinking in terse silence is just what me and the boys need.


Julius Schwartz

On the other hand, a highly contagious, deadly disease could really help mix things up this season.


Jasmine Burns

Whoa, spooky. That's exactly what my fantasy league predicted would happen.


Elijah Duncan

Rob Gronkowski Signs Deal With World Wrestling Entertainment

Former New England Patriots tight end Rob Gronkowski has signed on to wrestle part-time for the WWE, with plans to make appearances on Smackdown and Wrestle Mania 36 ahead of an actual match later this year. What do you think?

Inspiring to see someone who had to play in three Super Bowls finally get the chance to live his dream.


Heidi Stewart

It'll be weird to go from the all the pageantry and bombast of the NFL to the WWE.


Felipe Owens

Any idea what his ring name is gonna be?


Tom Wright

Americans Urged To Help 'Flatten The Curve' Of Covid-19 Pandemic

As schools, stores, and restaurants close their doors and companies push to have employees work from home, Americans are being asked to socially distance themselves to stop the exponential spread of coronavirus. What are you doing to help #FlattenTheCurve?

I'm being extra mindful of whose spit I inhale.


Adrian Hanson

Constantly keeping my mouth open to keep my lips from touching each other.


Cedrick Gass

Biden, Sanders Go Head-To-Head In Debate

Joe Biden and Bernie Sanders took the stage last night in the first one-on-one debate of the Democratic presidential primary, though due to coronavirus concerns there was no live audience and the podiums were kept six feet apart. What do you think?

They still want to become president with everything going on in the world right now?


Georgeanna Greenfield

It'll be nice once the coronavirus scare is over and they can go back to debating with their noses touching.


Graham Adams

I was impressed with both of their abilities to live this long.


Bo Schilling

Americans Mark St. Patrick's Day

Today is St. Patrick's Day, though many Americans will not celebrate with the usual parades, bar crawls and get-togethers as nonessential business grinds to a halt in an effort to curb the transmission of Covid-19. How are you celebrating?

Gonna charge myself $15 to drink a Guinness.


Lily Damron

Americans Mark St. Patrick's Day

I'm not letting coronavirus disrupt my yearly social media tradition of telling everybody that St. Patrick's Day isn't really celebrated in Ireland.


Mac Saxon

Americans Mark St. Patrick's Day

Sheltering in place, and getting absolutely hammered with my immediate family and pets.


Marcelino Jameson

Universal Pictures Makes Movies Currently In Theaters Available For Home Viewing Following Coronavirus Concerns

NBCUniversal announced that several films currently in theaters, including Invisible Man and Emma, will be available for rent online, and Trolls World Tour, which was set to come out Easter weekend, will be available on-demand March 10th. What do you think?

I'll do whatever it takes to keep studio executives living the lifestyles they're used to.


Alissa Ralph

I'm sorry, but this is not how Trolls World Tour was intended to be viewed.


JC Boles

And how exactly am I supposed to ruin a hundred other people's movie-watching experience like this?


Jeff Hall

Tom Brady Leaves New England Patriots

Quarterback Tom Brady announced that he is a free agent after 20 years with the New England Patriots, though it is rumored he plans to sign with the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. What do you think?

Risky to walk away from a paycheck when we're on the brink of a recession.


Eddie Bennett

Tom Brady Leaves New England Patriots

Hopefully, he has some coworkers he can count on to act as references.


Verna Klein

Tom Brady Leaves New England Patriots

This only increases my chances of becoming the Patriots' next starting quarterback.


Beatrice Christensen

Amazon Hires 100,000 Workers In Wake Of Coronavirus Surge

Amazon announced they will hire an additional 100,000 warehouse and delivery workers to keep up with the onslaught of new orders as customers shift their shopping online during the Covid-19 pandemic. What do you think?

Thank God. I was worried I'd have to start supporting small local businesses.


Milt Hanes

Huge opportunity for anyone looking for a side hustle with terrible working conditions.


Fredrick King

I really can't imagine there being that much demand for books.


Marni Collado

Tik-Tok May Have Buried Posts From Ugly Users

Leaked documents allegedly show that the video-sharing app Tik-Tok instructed moderators to censor posts made by people deemed ugly, poor, overweight or disabled in an effort to artificially limit their audiences. What do you think?

I'll be the judge of who's too ugly to watch for 8 seconds, thanks.


Jess Maddox

Okay, but don't attractive people deserve their day in the sun?


Kip Andrew

What a relief to know people don't hate my videos, just my body.


Ethan Tanner

Google Offers Virtual Tours Of World's Museums And Cultural Sites

With the world locked down under threat of coronavirus, Google highlighted its collection of virtual tours featuring over 2,500 museums and cultural attractions from around the globe, including the Guggenheim in New York, the Palace of Versaille, Machu Picchu, and the Tokyo National Museum. What do you think?

I guess I could check out Bartolomé Esteban Murillo's Immaculate Conception of El Escorial while I'm waiting for Doom Eternal to download.


Adena Benoit

This is lovely. I've always wanted to see the internet.


Mickey Kern

Virtual reality will never replace the thrill of being yelled at by docents for standing too close to the artwork.


Rod Zinberg

TV Shows Donate Medical Supplies To Hospitals Amid Pandemic

Medical and first-responder dramas The Resident, The Good Doctor, and Station 19 have donated personal protective equipment normally used as costumes to local hospitals as health centers struggle with supply shortages amidst the Covid-19 pandemic. What do you think?

Maybe we wouldn't be in this mess if we didn't have so many medical shows hoarding supplies in the first place.


Nicole Mendoza

It's in trying times like these that we find out which prime-time dramas we can really count on.


Chauncey Sloan

If hospitals also need any extras to hang in the background, I'm happy to contribute my services.


Jonathan Tarantina

Aquarium Lets Penguins Take Tour Of Premises During Coronavirus Shutdown

In a video that has since gone viral, penguins at Chicago's Shedd Aquarium were given the opportunity to explore the premises and visit animals in other exhibits this week as the facility closed its doors to the public. What do you think?

But then they locked them back up again right?


AJ Hendershott

And here I am trapped at home with my goddamn family.


Gina Leiner

Did they have to pay extra for the 4D Movie experience?


Jennifer Ng

Americans Seek To Stay Social While Self-Isolating

As shelter-in-place orders roll out across the country, Americans trapped at home are socializing online via videoconferencing apps and social media for everything from birthday parties and movie nights to live-streamed concerts and even 12-step recovery programs. What do you think?

Whew! Can't believe how close I came to a period of introspection.


Horace Delgado

I can't help but worry we've become overly dependent on other people in order to socialize.


Ralph Kalicki

I've been having a lot of fun with my coworkers on our group fax.


David Luttrell

Ohio Orders Halt To Most Abortions During Coronavirus Pandemic

Citing federal guidelines intended to conserve medical supplies during the Covid-19 pandemic, Ohio Attorney General Dave Yost has ordered healthcare providers in the state to halt most surgical abortions, calling the procedure nonessential and elective. What do you think?

We can all learn a thing or two from Ohio about using coronavirus as a convenient excuse for something totally unrelated.


Hazel Outen

Probably shouldn't give birth then, either.


Bill Schmidtke

Can't these ladies wait a few months until this pandemic thing blows over?


Agatha Gayles

CDC Launches Coronavirus Bot For Americans To Check Symptoms

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention have launched Clara, a bot that asks users questions about their cold or flu-like symptoms and provides recommendations about whether to seek medical attention. What do you think?

I prefer to get my brusque, impersonal medical care from an actual human being, thank you.


Benji Rosenberg

Eh, I don't think my insurance covers visiting a website.


Dennis Jelinek

I was kind of hoping that when we got robot doctors they'd have needles for hands and stuff.


Judith Petura

Woody Allen's Memoir Released After Being Dropped By Original Publisher

Woody Allen's memoir, Apropos Of Nothing, was released this week nearly a month after it was dropped by Hachette Book Group, who backed out of publishing the book following employee protests and an announcement by Allen's son Ronan Farrow that he would no longer work with the company. What do you think?

It's absolutely disgusting that people still write memoirs.


Skip Reid

When it can briefly delay the publication of a book, cancel culture has gone too far.


Bryan Novak

I applaud the original publisher for taking a principled stand once their employees and clients threatened to quit.


Ron Spradlin

China Will Lift Lockdown On Wuhan April 8th

The Chinese government announced that in two weeks it will end the mandatory lockdown on the city of Wuhan nearly 80 days after it began, citing a significant slowdown of coronavirus infections in the country. What do you think?

Trump should lift our lockdowns a week earlier to remind the Chinese government who's in charge.


Linda Cantero

I'm sure residents are looking forward to being legally required to put all this behind them.


Louie Villard

Now the government can divert its full attention to quashing protests.


Hattie Carpenter

U.N. Names Finland Happiest Country For Third Year In A Row

The 2020 United Nations World Happiness Report has found Finland has the happiest citizens in the world, followed closely by other Nordic countries while the United States has bumped up one spot to number 18. What do you think?

Sure, it works in Finland, but I don't think happiness is right for the U.S.


Jerry Skager

Good for them, but there's more to life than winning some competition that exhaustively measures quality of life.


Christoph Thibodeaux

One wonders how they thought up Angry Birds.


Jodhi Burke

1,000-Bed Hospital Ships Deployed To New York, LA

The USNS Mercy and the USNS Comfort, each equipped with 12 operating rooms, 1,000 beds, and hundreds of medical professionals will deploy to America's two biggest cities to treat patients so that local hospitals can focus on fighting the coronavirus. What do you think?

We need medical ships on the shores of all 50 states, ASAP.


Wayne Prettejohn

Didn't boats get us into this whole mess in the first place?


Kevin Olt

Now I'm going to be so disappointed if I get stuck dying in the regular hospital.


Alexander Ringrose

Study Finds Female Mammals Live Longer Than Males

A large-scale study of over 100 species of mammals including orcas, reindeer, squirrels, and lions found that females live an average of 18.6% longer than their male counterparts, which may be tied to both genetic and environmental factors. What do you think?

As bad as this news is, it's pretty cool that I have something in common with a lion.


Sheena Levy

It's only fair the females find ways to die earlier.


Chip Richardson

Americans Look For Ways To Help During Coronavirus Pandemic

Though shelter-in-place orders are keeping many homebound, Americans are finding ways to help those in need by giving blood, donating to food banks, and pledging money to nonprofits that provide financial assistance to people who have lost their jobs. What do you think?

I'm waiting to donate until shit really hits the fan, so I can get the best bang for my buck


Meg Rubin

Let's leave the helping to the professionals.


Craig Alston

Thankfully, I haven't gotten bored enough yet to take such desperate measures.


Christi Gasiewski

Scientists Discover Earliest Common Ancestor To All Animal Life

Researchers at the University of California say a worm-like creature that lived on the ocean floor 555 million years ago is the earliest known bilaterian, an organism that has two symmetrical sides and a distinct front and back connected by a continuous gut. What do you think?

Being worm-like is the common bond that we all share.


Theo Fentress

As a Christian, I believe that we are all descended from Jesus' continuous gut.


Bob Pandolfo

It'll be great to finally have something to talk to reptiles about.


Tina Hubbard

Instacart Employees Plan Nationwide Strike Monday

Employees for Instacart announced plans to strike Monday, saying they want the company to provide personal protective equipment, hazard pay and expanded pay for workers affected by coronavirus. What do you think?

I, for one, would be honored to die delivering Bagel Bites.


Scott Armbruster

I want them to be safe, but not at the cost of me having to do my own shopping.


Eric Means

Are they ok with a substitution if their first choice isn't available?


Solomon Kurtis

Neanderthals Ate Seafood Including Sharks And Dolphins

New evidence suggests Neanderthals consumed a diverse diet that included sealife like seals, mussels, crabs, and fish, contradicting previous theories that eating protein-rich marine resources was unique to early humans and contributed to their increased brain development. What do you think?

More evidence that Neanderthals lived underwater.


Phil Slatterly

That explains the lobster bibs in the cave paintings.


Nina McLin

This completely upends everything I've skimmed on museum placards.


Tucker Ferland

Perseverance Rover Will Carry Essays, List Of Names To Mars

The Perseverance Rover will bring along a microchip etched with 10.9 million names and over 150 essays on its journey to the Red Planet when it launches this summer, all part of NASA's Send Your Name To Mars campaign. What do you think?

Is it a good idea to let extraterrestrials know what a bunch of fucking nerds we are?


Darcy Holt

So when will I get Mars's feedback on my essay?


Taylor Khoury

Van Gogh Painting Stolen On Painter's 167th Birthday

An early Van Gogh piece, titled The Parsonage Garden At Nuenen In Spring, was the only painting stolen from a Dutch museum during an overnight burglary on March 30th, which coincidentally would have been the artist's 167th birthday. What do you think?

Did anyone ever stop to think that maybe it was the thief's birthday, too?


Manny Rosenblat

If we're not taking advantage of the current lawlessness, what was the outbreak even for?


Steven Touzie

What a rude thing for that burglar to do!


Trevor Pine

Pandemic Lockdowns Improve Air Quality Worldwide

As global industry slows and people isolate to prevent the spread of coronavirus, scientists say air pollution and carbon emissions have dropped significantly, with levels of gases like nitrogen dioxide falling nearly 30% in some areas. What do you think?

That will be nice to experience if I ever get to go outside again.


Cynthia Pressman

With the private sector shut down, it's up to the government to make up for our lost carbon emissions.


Dorothea Heusler

Zoom App Sued For Sharing User Data

The videoconferencing service Zoom is at the center of a class-action lawsuit filed this week alleging the company handed over personal information to Facebook without notifying users, while tech news sites also report the app may not be as secure as it claims. What do you think?

I expected so much more from this service I hadn't heard of until three weeks ago.


Joel Campa

Zoom App Sued For Sharing User Data

This kind of behavior gives profiting off a disaster a bad name.


Terrence Pernice

Zoom App Sued For Sharing User Data

Tech companies should respect their customers' privacy enough to briefly mention in fine print how they'll be violating it.


Alan Hynde

Bidet Sales Skyrocket During Coronavirus Pandemic

As grocery stores and online retailers struggle to keep toilet paper in stock due to Americans panic-buying paper products, bidet sales have increased up to ten times what they were before the pandemic. What do you think?

Wouldn't it be simpler to just stop going to the bathroom until this whole pandemic thing blows over?


Dee Bromilow

No thanks. I just can't get used to the idea of cleaning yourself with water.


BJ Laroche

I'm concerned that this will ultimately lead to us adopting the metric system.


Giselle Baker

Spotify Launches App For Children

Spotify announced a new kid-friendly app featuring over 8,000 songs, bedtime stories, lullabies, soundscapes, and themed playlists including country, Motown, Christian, and soul music. What do you think?

Kudos to the folks at Spotify for successfully finding a fun, engaging way to gather data on underage users.


Warren McKay

Spotify Launches App For Children

Absolutely not. Children should not be exposed to music until they're 18.


Judah Candusso

Spotify Launches App For Children

Excellent, I've been looking to get into some new lullabies.


Lucy Reale

Coronavirus Task Force Member Receives Security Detail Following Threats

Infectious disease expert Dr. Anthony Fauci, who is helping lead the White House's response against Covid-19, has been given a security detail after receiving threats online from conspiracy theorists who believe he is attempting to hurt the president's image during a campaign year. What do you think?

Fauci knew the game the minute he joined the National Institutes of Health.


John Rivera

Would an innocent person get a security detail to protect themselves from crazy people?


Matthew Dolan

Glad to see my messages have been received.


Josette Abramsen

FDA Eases Restrictions On Blood Donations From Gay, Bisexual Men

Citing the need to maintain the country's blood supply during the coronavirus pandemic, the FDA announced gay and bisexual men are eligible to donate blood if they've abstained from sex with other men for the previous three months. What do you think?

The people in charge need to realize that gay and bisexual men are just as full of blood as the rest of us.


Aaron Hambly

Thank God. I'm sick of having to walk into blood donation centers and talk about how much I love my wife.


Seth Bundoc

Nice try, FDA, you're not getting me out of the house.


Lee Swindwell

Americans Urged To Make Their Own Face Masks

In a reversal from previous guidelines, the CDC is now urging all Americans to make masks from household fabrics like tea towels or cotton T-shirts and wear them when out in public to prevent asymptomatic individuals from spreading the disease. What do you think?

Nice idea, but not sure how I'm supposed to kiss strangers in that.


Digby Hess

What's next, ordering us to stay inside to avoid transmission?


Maria Kerby

Just direct me to the fussiest 97-step pattern Pinterest can offer.


Nicole Mortelecque

Wisconsin Holds Democratic Primary Despite Coronavirus Concerns

Wisconsin is holding its presidential primary today, despite calls from local Democrats and voting rights groups who fear moving forward with the election during the Covid-19 pandemic will put voters in danger and greatly reduce turnout. What do you think?

People died for our right to vote, so it's only fair we die exercising it.


Guy Lowrie

Well, it's not every day you get to vote incumbent J. Michael Bitney back in as Barron County Circuit Court Judge Branch 2.


Ian Crowther

Pretty cocky of Wisconsin Democrats to assume the virus would even want to infect them.


Max Dietl

Allstate Returns Over $600 Million In Auto Premiums As Drivers Stay Home During Pandemic

The insurance company Allstate announced its customers would receive a 15% payback on their monthly premiums for April and May, citing a nationwide reduction in driving as Americans sheltered in place. What do you think?

I hope I get a refund on my life insurance, I haven't been using that either.


Toby Conisbee

It's important that we all do our part right now and get into more car accidents.


Sue Thatcher

Okay, but how about a discount for those of us who drive without insurance?


Lavender Wishart

Lady Gaga Announces Multi-Network Covid-19 Benefit Concert Telecast

Lady Gaga announced that she is curating the One World: Together At Home benefit concert that will air simultaneously on ABC, NBC, and CBS on April 18 and feature musical artists including Elton John, Paul McCartney, Lizzo, and Billie Eilish among others. What do you think?

Our complete lack of preparation has left us vulnerable to another 'We Are The World.'


Kenan Brummel

This is really surprising given how much she supported the Zika virus a few years back.


Zackary Cuffin

I know we'll be able to see them, but will they be able to see us?


Karen Umbach

SeaWorld CEO Resigns After Furloughing 90% Of Workers

Citing disagreements with the board of directors, Sergio Rivera resigned this week just five months into his tenure as SeaWorld CEO and days after the company furloughed 90% of its employees due to the coronavirus pandemic. What do you think?

I wonder if they could've switched to some sort of seal-delivery model?


Warner Lopinski

SeaWorld needs to make things right and appoint an orca.


Oliver Peters

He's in a pretty tough spot. Not too many animal abuse theme parks are hiring right now.


Charlie O’Sullivan

Astronaut's Estranged Wife Accused Of Lying About Space Crime

The estranged wife of NASA astronaut Anne McClain has been indicted for lying to federal authorities about McClain stealing her identity to access her bank account while aboard the International Space Station, a claim that would have been the first known case of a crime committed in space had it been true. What do you think?

In the end, the real space crime was the demise of a beautiful marriage.


Viv Kirkpatrick

They could have just checked the footage from the space ATM.


Dale Young

I'm sorry, am I supposed to have a cohesive opinion about this? What the fuck just happened?


Emma Mortlock

Bernie Sanders Drops Out Of Presidential Race

Bernie Sanders suspended his presidential campaign Wednesday, saying a path to victory was virtually impossible after falling behind former Vice President Joe Biden by nearly 300 delegates. What do you think?

This is going to torpedo his chances of winning Ohio.


Bob Findon

This only adds to my concerns about his electability.


Pierre Appleby

I'm just thankful I won't have to learn another name for the next four years.


Alfred Ayres

One-Third Of American Renters Didn't Pay On Time In April

According to the National Multifamily Housing Council, 31% of renters did not pay rent within the first week of April, up from the normal monthly average of 20% as more Americans struggle to make ends meet during the pandemic. What do you think?

It's a shame so many people are trying to use the old 'I'm forbidden to work by law' excuse to shirk their responsibilities.


Daisy Spateri

It's hard to believe it was only a few weeks ago that America was coronavirus-free, the economy was humming, and only one in five people struggled to pay rent.


Julian Bubb

This is just like that musical where they didn't pay rent!


Paul Burchell

Dr. Fauci Calls For End To Handshakes

White House coronavirus task force member Dr. Anthony Fauci said in an interview this week that Americans should end the practice of shaking hands, noting that doing so would reduce the transmission of respiratory illnesses like Covid-19 and influenza. What do you think?

This is truly the end of some kind of era.


Sean Dudman

Dr. Fauci Calls For End To Handshakes

You can try to stop it, but this will only push people to get their handshakes somewhere else.


Zoe Fowler

Dr. Fauci Calls For End To Handshakes

But I've been practicing a really cool one.


Bruce Lattimore

Pandas In Locked-Down Zoo Mate After 10 Years Of Trying

Ying Ying and Le Le, two giant pandas living at a zoo in Hong Kong currently closed due to coronavirus, have successfully mated for the first time in a decade, though it could be months before staff can determine if Ying Ying is pregnant. What do you think?

People are dying, and all these two can think about are carnal pleasures.


Carl Egarton

Yeah, I've had some pretty desperate hookups lately, too.


Katie Meddings,

Le Le? Really? Ying Ying could do so much better.


Albert Noraz

Boris Johnson Released From Hospital After Stay In ICU

British prime minister Boris Johnson left the hospital Sunday following a weeklong stay including three days in the ICU due to complications from Covid-19, though he will not return to work until a later date. What do you think?

Whoa, I guess not taking the virus seriously until the last possible minute really is the best strategy to survive this thing.


Lark Caruso

Just think how devastating this would be if it happened to their president.


Troy Rauch

His case drives home how nobody is completely safe, no matter how bizarre they look.


April Segalla

Julian Assange Secretly Fathered 2 Kids In Ecuadorian Embassy

Lawyer Stella Morris claimed in a video posted online that she is engaged to WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange and that he fathered their two children in the Ecuadorian embassy, where he lived from 2012 through 2019 while evading rape and espionage charges. What do you think?

That's no surprise, the Equadorian embassy is a total fuck palace.


Fabian Marchetti

Eh, I'm no longer impressed by people forced to be stuck inside for long periods of time.


Ian Eddins

NASCAR Driver Suspended Indefinitely For Racial Slur During Livestream

Stock-car driver Kyle Larson has been suspended by NASCAR, his racing team, and the online simulation game iRacing for using a racial slur during a virtual competition, though he could be eligible for reinstatement if he completes sensitivity training. What do you think?

His actions are certainly not a reflection of who he wants us to think he is.


Chris McInerney

I'm sure he was raised to never, ever say that awful word into a hot mic.


Ellen Sabine

You don't understand—that word means something completely different in the context of professional car racing.


Justin Hochberg

Americans Begin Receiving Stimulus Checks

Treasury Secretary Steve Mnuchin announced that 80 million Americans will receive a direct deposit for up to $1,200 this week as part of the government's economic relief package, with early reports indicating the funds are being used on food, gas, rent, and other necessities. What do you think?

Twelve hundred dollars? Wow. That's like, a million dollars!


Maggie Sanditz

I'm fine with it this one time, but we shouldn't get in the habit of expecting the government to address people's urgent needs.


Garth Marsteller

Just 8 to 10 more pandemics and I'll be stinking rich.


John Gindlesberger

Supreme Court Will Hear Arguments Via Teleconference For First Time

The Supreme Court announced they will hear oral arguments for several upcoming cases via phone conference this May in order to protect the health of the justices, six of whom are over 65. What do you think?

Not all of us are so fortunate to be able to historically legislate from home.


Amy Blindauer

It's amazing to see what's possible thanks to new technological innovations like the telephone.


Nate Adelman

Global Economy Expected To Shrink 3% Due To Pandemic

The International Monetary Fund predicted the world economy will shrink roughly 3% in 2020 as governments and businesses struggle to recover from the coronavirus, setting off the worst financial crisis since the Great Depression. What do you think?

The IMF better hope it doesn't end up shrinking by 4% instead, or they're going to look like a bunch of idiots.


Adam Incalcaterra

Perhaps this is the wake-up call we need to really start appreciating money.


Regina Williams

We'll never be happy until we learn to love our economy at any size.


Reese Sherman

Spring SAT Tests Cancelled Due To Pandemic

The College Board announced that upcoming SAT testing has been postponed due to the coronavirus, but added that if schools remain closed this fall they may introduce a digital exam for students to take at home. What do you think?

Thank God! I was worried I might find out how stupid my son is.


Isaac Gauny

Good, I don't have it in me to give my students another 'test scores don't define you' speech.


Mavis Hewes

But standardized tests are a really important tool for us to measure how we did as parents.


Rich Norberg

British WWII Vet Raises Millions For NHS By Walking Laps Around Yard

99-year-old British veteran Tom Moore has raised more than $15 million in support of the National Health Service's fight against Covid-19 by walking 100 laps around his backyard, far surpassing his original goal of $1,250. What do you think?

It's nice to know we're not the only country that relies on crowdfunding and publicity stunts to help finance our healthcare system.


Bobbi Cranshaw

Now I feel like an idiot for all the free walking I've done.


Noam Menick

British sports make absolutely no sense to me.


Jessica Chung

Netflix Now Worth More Than Disney

With more people streaming entertainment at home as the coronavirus leaves brick-and-mortar businesses closed, Netflix is now worth $194 billion, $10 billion more than Disney, which is struggling due to delayed movie releases and shuttered theme parks. What do you think?

It seems wrong to put a monetary value on something as unique and special as a corporation.


Clark Dabney

Netflix Now Worth More Than Disney

And that's with the three DVDs I never returned.


Ernie Truitt

Netflix Now Worth More Than Disney

Dang. That reminds me, I need to cancel my Disney+ account.


Carlos Ventura

Tour De France Postponed Until August

The International Cycling Union announced the Tour de France has been postponed until late August, the first time the race has not been held in July since WWII, though public health experts warn that even with delays the event could trigger a resurgence of coronavirus across Europe. What do you think?

This is exactly the type of rumor I would spread if I were trying to get a head start.


Edwina Simon

Tour De France Postponed Until August

Luckily, the French don't get too hung up on tradition.


Kirby Ishman

Tour De France Postponed Until August


Wendy Babbit

More Americans Report Vivid, Violent Dreams During Pandemic

According to a sleep survey by psychologists at Harvard Medical School, disruptions to normal life and increased levels of anxiety due to the coronavirus are causing Americans to experience more intense, memorable nightmares. What do you think?

Wait, I thought the governor said we weren't allowed to go to sleep right now?


Grant Ettinger

I don't approve of all the violent messages in today's collective unconscious.


Silvio Espiritu

Nope, just the usual incest stuff for me.


Trina Dewberry

Russians Withdrew $13.6 Billion From ATMs Amidst Coronavirus Fears

Russian citizens have taken out nearly $13.6 billion in cash from bank accounts since mid-March, more than the total amount withdrawn during all of 2019, due to concerns they will not be able to access their money during quarantine. What do you think?

Well, you don't want your cash catching Covid-19 and then not be able to go visit it.


Joseph Swisher

I'll keep my $13.6 billion safely where it is, thank you very much.


Boyd Hasbourne

It's always a good idea to keep a few bucks in your wallet in case a global pandemic restricts access to your funds.


Jason Poley

Shake Shack Returns $10 Million Loan Meant For Small Businesses

Executives for the burger chain Shake Shack say they will return the $10 million loan they received as part of the Paycheck Protection Program, a now-empty relief fund which was intended to help small businesses pay employees during the pandemic. What do you think?

Shake Shack is never going to make it as a business if they keep letting themselves get shamed for their greed like this.


Neal McGriff

In their defense, Americans usually turn a blind eye to blatant cash grabs.


Mason Lubicich

2020 Lyrid Meteor Shower Peaks This Week

The Lyrid meteor shower, an annual display of comet debris vaporizing in the Earth's atmosphere, will be especially vibrant this year as the start of a new lunar cycle means the night sky will be darker than normal. What do you think?

No thanks. Looking at the sun is all the excitement I need.


Blake DeFoor

No offense to the meteors but we're kind of swamped down here right now.


Cassady Byndloss

What a coincidence! I'm also planning to be especially vibrant this year.


Cindy Fontaine

Germany Cancels Oktoberfest Due To Coronavirus Fears

German officials announced that Oktoberfest, the annual two-week celebration that brings over 6 million revelers to Munich each fall, has been canceled due to concerns over the coronavirus spreading through the festival's densely packed beer tents. What do you think?

Obviously, the first concern of Oktoberfest has always been its attendees' health.


Jack Crespo

It's depressing how many events I never would have gone to anyway are getting canceled.


Matt Lumpkin

Oh great, now I'll have nothing to do on vacation except soak up Germany's art, culture, and history.


Dave Vaziri

Ramadan Begins

Muslims around the world will observe the start of Ramadan today, marking the beginning of a month of fasting, reflection, and prayer for 1.8 billion people. What do you think?

It sucks I can't celebrate Ramadan at Disney World like I usually do.


Salma Tarek

Ramadan Begins

I'm excited! Been saving up my prayers and reflections all year.


Adam Gaber

Ramadan Begins

My heart goes out to all my Muslim friends who will spend a majority of this Ramadan helping their parents figure out how to hold Zoom prayers.


Hans Ziegler

Sales Of Video Game Consoles Up During Pandemic

Sales of the Nintendo Switch more than doubled while PlayStation 4 and Xbox One sales were up 25% compared to last year, highlighting how Americans are turning to video games for entertainment during the pandemic. What do you think?

Okay fine, I admit it. I panic-bought a pallet of PS4s.


Mimi Rivette

Did they get games? The consoles aren't as fun without the games.


Henry Caudill

This spells doom for the hoop-and-stick industry.


Andy Wu

Missouri Sues China Over Coronavirus Pandemic

The state of Missouri is suing the Chinese government over its handling of the coronavirus, claiming residents and businesses suffered tens of billions of dollars in damages and accusing the Communist Party of making the pandemic worse by hoarding masks. What do you think?

This could really hurt the Chinese Communist Party's chances in the next Missouri state elections.


Joelle Faxon

The good news is that if China doesn't show up to court, Missouri wins by default.


Ken Hoover

The Sino-Missouri alliance is officially in tatters.


Oz Lapenna

Hubble Space Telescope Celebrates 30 Years In Space

The Hubble Space Telescope, which revolutionized humanity's ability to see the cosmos, was launched on this day in 1990 aboard the space shuttle Discovery. What do you think?

To think, 30 years ago we didn't even know there was a universe.


Taylor Munn

The Hubble has brought us some amazing images of the cosmos and some that were just okay.


Jen Shockney

Here's to another three decades of forgetting it's up there, remembering, then forgetting again!


Owen Pienkos

Las Vegas Mayor Suggests Using City As Coronavirus Control Group

In an interview with Anderson Cooper, Las Vegas mayor Carolyn Goodman called for Nevada's governor to lift the order shutting down nonessential businesses and allow casinos to reopen, at one point claiming the city could be used as a control group to test if social distancing really works. What do you think?

Everyone should be able to choose for themselves whether seeing 'Mindfreak LIVE' is worth dying for.


Chloe Cheong

We shouldn't mock Mayor Goodman for being brave enough to say what nobody's thinking.


Colton Burzawa

Can my city be the one that gets the medicine?


Annie Nardini

Chris Matthews Admits To Inappropriate Behavior During MSNBC Career

In his first public statement since abruptly retiring earlier this year, former Hardball host Chris Matthews admitted it was inappropriate to comment on guest Laura Bassett's appearance while backstage during a taping and that he found her complaint both credible and highly justified. What do you think?

Admitting your mistakes is the hardest ball there is.


Simon Coedel

Since we're all being honest here, I admit that I've said some unprofessional things about Chris Matthews.


Brock Sandoval

This is going to ruin Hardball reruns for me.


Sam Mistry

Saudi Arabia Bans Public Floggings

Saudi officials announced that people convicted of low-level crimes may no longer be sentenced to floggings and may instead receive fines or jail time, though judges can still order beheadings for murderers and drug dealers. What do you think?

Seems like you can't get a good flogging anywhere these days.


Kacy Noerr

Saudi Arabia Bans Public Floggings

Looks like they finally figured out that the modern prison system can be equally cruel and way more profitable.


Alfie Shifflett

Saudi Arabia Bans Public Floggings

Time to commit some light Saudi Arabian crimes!


Lula Souvanna

Airbnb Introduces New 24-Hour Vacancy Policy Between Guests

Due to concerns about coronavirus living on household surfaces, Airbnb announced they are requesting hosts wait a full 24 hours between each guest and have rolled out new cleaning protocols intended to make customers feel safer. What do you think?

I'll just wait here in the driveway until it's ready.


Gordon Teale

It takes way more than 24 hours to kill what I leave behind.


Nico Vajna

And let me guess, they want us to clean in between each guest now, too?


Laurel Holcer

Vaccine Rates Plummet During Pandemic

Health experts say doctors are administering less than half the normal amount of immunizations for illness like HPV, whooping cough, measles, mumps, and rubella, as parents postpone wellness visits for their children during the coronavirus pandemic. What do you think?

Oh, right, I forgot that there are other illnesses.


Jacob Leung

Vaccine Rates Plummet During Pandemic

HPV isn't that dangerous if you make sure your kid gets it while they're still young.


Andrew Lincoln

Vaccine Rates Plummet During Pandemic

I'm sorry, but I only have the emotional bandwidth to fear one disease at a time.


Ingrid Knudsen

America Surpasses 1 Million Confirmed Coronavirus Cases

America now has more than one million documented coronavirus cases, though health experts agree the real number is probably substantially higher as only 5.6 million people have been tested for the disease. What do you think?

A million's a great start, but let's not get complacent.


Eric Wilson

I'm doing my part to keep those numbers down by not getting tested.


Paul Van Cleave

I'd love to hear more, but I've got a hair appointment to get to.


Penny Lehmann

Mike Pence Tours Mayo Clinic Without Mask

Despite the hospital's mandatory mask policy, Vice President Mike Pence declined to cover his face while visiting with Mayo Clinic staff and patients this week, saying he is tested regularly and does not have coronavirus. What do you think?

Wearing a mask is just a recommendation for people who care about anyone else.


Bryce De Vito

He probably just didn't want pictures out there of him looking like a responsible leader.


Ashton Bencke

Relax. People generally stay 6 feet away from him anyway.


Todd Pesavento

Reports Of Kim Jong Un's Health Creates Confusion Over Possible Successors

Kim Jong Un's public absence over the last two weeks has fueled rumors he is gravely ill or possibly dead, raising questions about who will succeed the North Korean dictator who has systematically purged high-level government officials and family members over the last several years. What do you think?

I've always said the North Korean dictatorship could really benefit from a feminine touch.


Geoff Balantine

I mean, it'll probably be whoever wins the election.


Tess Piper

Hopefully, he's replaced by a more diplomatic deity.


Troy McNamara

New Fossil Evidence Suggests Dinosaur Could Swim

Paleontologists say the anatomy of a newly discovered tail fossil proves that Spinosaurus, a carnivore that lived during the Cretaceous Period, could swim through the water much like a crocodile, making it the first-known swimming dinosaur. What do you think?

I hope I never get dug up some day and theorized about.


Moe Connolly

Oh my God. This whole time I've been going around like an idiot telling everyone Spinosaurus couldn't swim.


Patricia Kaspar

Huh, I didn't realize they were still making new fossils.


June Pelizzari

Justin Amash Announces 3rd Party Run For President

Michigan Congressman Justin Amash, originally a member of the Republican Party before changing his affiliation to independent last year, announced that he is running for president as a Libertarian. What do you think?

As if I wasn't struggling with too many great options already.


Dion Semler

I think he lacks the necessary sexual assault allegations to run for president.


Anthony Mutch

Why doesn't this guy run for Congress or something?


Larry Gladstein

YouTube Shuts Down Account Of Man Who Pushed 5G Coronavirus Conspiracy

YouTube has deleted English conspiracy theorist David Icke's account for violating their terms of service after Icke posted videos claiming 5G spreads coronavirus, a theory that has since incited dozens of arson attacks on cell towers. What do you think?

All I'm saying is we didn't have Covid-19 back when we were using landlines.


Terry O’Shea

Once again, YouTube is silencing the truth about how profitable lying can be.


Lizzie Peldon

These lunatics will believe anything, even when the chemtrail evidence is right in front of their eyes.


Quentin Steyns

Doctors Report 'Covid Toes' As Possible New Coronavirus Symptom

Dermatologists say red, swollen toes that appear frostbitten may be a sign of coronavirus, adding that it is not unusual for viruses to cause rashes but the fact the lesions only appear on the feet make this symptom unique to the disease. What do you think?

Aw man, I just have all the boring normal symptoms.


Aimee Thorley

What should we do if we're too short to stay 6 feet away from our own toes?


Abraham Playel

This Covid-19 totally ripped off of diabetes.


Chris Niederjohn

Invasive 'Murder Hornets' Confirmed In U.S.

Scientists confirmed that Asian giant hornets, which are known to decapitate entire hives of honeybees and have a venomous sting that can kill humans if stung multiple times, have been discovered in Washington state for the first time. What do you think?


Elliott Bensen

I think we all have two questions: who will be the first to eat one, and how much will they get paid?


WINIFRED HELSLEY

Ugh, the last thing I need right now is to be stung to death by hornets.


Sophia Panepinto

Poll Finds Majority Of Americans Would Prefer Working Remotely After Pandemic

A survey released by IBM found that 75% of people polled would like the option to work from home occasionally once coronavirus restrictions are lifted and 54% would prefer to work from home the majority of the time. What do you think?

If there was a way to slaughter geese remotely, I totally would do it.


Josh Vanderpool

This whole experience has really opened my eyes to how much I truly hate my coworkers.


JJ Quesenberry

I think I'd miss that face-to-face humiliation.


Alvin Catalano

Carnival Cruise Line To Resume Service In August

Carnival Cruise Line, whose fleet has been docked since the CDC issued a No Sail Order in March, announced plans to resume sailing in August starting with cruises out of ports in Texas and Florida. What do you think?

I'll be sure to wipe down the hips of the person in front of me in the conga line.


Lorena Woolner

Good, we could use more controlled experiments to help determine the virus's true death rate.


Wyat Bischot

Yes, then we kill the virus in international waters. Very smart.


Dina Newbern

Major Airlines Will Require Passengers Wear Masks During Flights

With air travel down 96%, several U.S. airlines have announced that passengers will now be required to wear face coverings at check-in areas, lounges, boarding gates, and on the plane for the duration of their flight. What do you think?

Fine, but then I'm not wearing my seatbelt.


Michele Chenoweth

1 In 5 Wendy's Restaurants Currently Out Of Beef

Nearly 20% of Wendy's restaurants are currently unable to serve hamburgers as the company faces meat shortages due to the pandemic, with analysts noting the fast food chain has been harder hit than its competitors because it uses fresher beef for its products. What do you think?

That's okay. I go there more for the atmosphere anyways.


Maury Bright

And I was the crazy one for stockpiling thousands of Baconators, huh?


Robert Lower

That's why it's important to always know the locations of several backup Wendy's.


Roy Canonero

Scientists Study Llamas In Quest For Coronavirus Treatment

Researchers in Belgium are studying whether antibodies from llamas could help neutralize Covid-19 infections, noting that the animals produce proteins that have the ability to bind to the coronavirus's spiky exterior. What do you think?

But we'll never get those crucial six weeks back when llamas did nothing.


Leah Alcott

All right, I take it back. Llamas are not God's most profound failure.


Douglas Lovejoy

Are they sure they're not studying alpacas? It's pretty easy to get the two confused.


Kelly Gearty

Trump Names Donor As New Postmaster General

Donald Trump named Louis DeJoy, a GOP fundraiser and RNC national finance chairman who has donated nearly $360,000 to the president's reelection fundraising committee since January, as the 75th chief executive officer of the United States Postal Service. What do you think?

Well, he seems to be rich, and that's enough qualifications for me.


Clay Henkin

From the way things are going, this guy's gonna be out of a job in 2 months.


Brad Zurcher

There's no way I'd ever spend that kind of money just to get some boring mailroom job.


Bruce Kern

77% Of Laid-Off Workers Expect To Be Rehired By Employer In Future

In a poll conducted by the Washington Post, nearly 8 out of 10 Americans who have been laid off or furloughed during the pandemic are optimistic they will be able to return to their jobs once business resumes, though analysts warn that up to 40% of jobs could be permanently lost. What do you think?

There's that classic American can-do denial.


Janine Lally

I can't see any harm in blindly assuming that your employer has your best interest at heart.


Ralph Protiva

I'm just worried that people won't even want to use the county fair kissing booth when this is all over.


Alice Grimmel

Tinder To Introduce In-App Video Chat Feature

Tinder parent company Match Group announced last week that one-on-one video chatting will be available on the app later this year, though details on how harassment and inappropriate content will be monitored has not been released. What do you think?

I picked the wrong time to be in a committed, loving relationship.


Greg Pennelegion

Guess it's time for me to dig up some videos of myself when I was thinner and less bald.


Andros Calandrelli

If we can't waste people's time in person, this is the next best thing.


Kim Douris

3 Coronavirus Task Force Members To Self-Quarantine

Dr. Anthony Fauci, CDC director Robert Redfield, and FDA commissioner Stephen Hahn will each quarantine for 14 days following possible low grade exposure to a White House staffer who tested positive for coronavirus. What do you think?

You're not really on the coronavirus task force until you've had it.


Dallas Saulsberry

If the virus gets Stephen Hahn, I just don't know what I'll do.


Anton Sarviss

That sucks, I'm outside doing anything I want.


Annamarie Freeman

FDA Approved First Birth Control Pill 60 Years Ago This Week

This week marks 60 years since the FDA approved Enovid-10, the first oral contraceptive for women, though contraceptives were not legally available to married women in all states until 1965 and unmarried women until 1972. What do you think?

And to think that ever since then it's been nothing but victory after victory for women's reproductive rights.


Joey Diamos

Well, babies are still being born, so we can chalk this one up as a total failure.


Conrad Holter

I don't know, I kind of long for the crapshoot of the old days.


Makenna Lanum

White House Will Require Everyone Except Trump To Wear Mask In West Wing

The Trump administration updated guidelines this week requiring employees to wear face masks when entering the West Wing following news that two staffers had tested positive for coronavirus, though the policy will not apply to either President Trump and Vice President Mike Pence. What do you think?

If Trump saw some of the cute masks my aunt makes, he'd change his mind.


Drew Jefferies

Well, if that's what the constitution says, we have to follow it.


Dante Izaguire

The White House is still open for take-out though, right?


Chris Shimizu

Pennsylvania Becomes 3rd State To Fully Outlaw Child Marriage

Pennsylvania governor Tom Wolf signed a bill banning anyone under 18 from obtaining a marriage license, ending a previous exception that allowed 16- and 17-year-olds to marry with parental consent and making Pennsylvania one of just three states to fully ban child marriages. What do you think?

Who are these child brides supposed to marry then?


Beth Melman

Ugh, as if it weren't already hard enough to find The One.


Al Shump

I suppose an extra year or so of grooming won't hurt.


Veronica Ault

Health Officials Close Restaurant That Opened For Mother's Day

The health department in Castle Rock, Colorado shut down C&C Coffee and Kitchen this weekend after the owners held a Mother's Day event in defiance of state coronavirus safety orders, packing their seating area with unmasked customers. What do you think?

I'm sorry, but it's not like people can just make food at home!


Gordon Schlubach

Not to mention their waitstaff's absolutely terrible service that day.


Leon Wadley

Oh, so the health department can just decide it oversees health now, too?


Rayna Fenner

113-Year-Old Beats Coronavirus

Maria Branyas, a supercentenarian believed to be the oldest woman in Spain, confirmed in a video that she has survived a mild case of coronavirus, saying that in terms of my health I am fine, with the same minor annoyances that anyone can have. What do you think?

Imagine surviving the Spanish flu, two world wars, and the coronavirus only to die of being super old.


Douglas Bogue

113-Year-Old Beats Coronavirus

God, that's so humiliating for the coronavirus.


Ted Mott

113-Year-Old Beats Coronavirus

Now that she's immune, she should be allowed to go back to work.


Tom Biederman

Wisconsin Bars Reopen Following State Supreme Court Decision

Patrons packed bars in celebration after the Wisconsin Supreme Court voted 4-3 to invalidate an extension to the governor's stay-at-home order, though several counties issued their own orders in an effort to control the spread of coronavirus. What do you think?

I was gonna die in a bar before coronavirus, and I'll die in one after.


Dom Iannitti

I can't wait to see how the left spins unnecessary and preventable deaths into a bad thing.


Victoria Ghazarian

I think they should compromise and make it legal for Wisconsinites to drink beer in their homes.


Luke Herrera

Record Number Of Women Running For U.S. House In 2020

At least 490 women have filed to run for seats in the House of Representatives this year, breaking the previous record set during the 2018 election that saw 102 women win their races, though Congress is still roughly 75% men. What do you think?


Calvin Seffel

I always said suffrage wouldn't be the end of it.


Meg DeBeer

I wish these career-minded women would stop raising everyone's expectations of me.


Joy Kimelman

New Research Indicates Coronavirus Did Not Spread From Pangolins

Scientists in China say genetic analysis proves that while pangolins are carriers of certain types of coronavirus, it is unlikely they are the direct source of the current outbreak of Covid-19 among humans. What do you think?

They're guilty of something, I can tell you that much.


Derick Tam

Do we even know one goddamn thing about this motherfucking virus?


John Tanner

Stocks Rally On Hope For Coronavirus Vaccine

Positive news from a scientific trial by drug maker Moderna stoked optimism about a potential coronavirus vaccine, sending the Dow up more than 650 points, or 2.8%. What do you think?

Wall Street profiting off a global crisis is the first sign things are finally returning to normal.


Donald Islington

See? There's actually a silver lining to a vaccine.


Donna Slatterly

Make sense. False hope is one of America's most profitable exports.


Tad Michaels

Obama, Malala Among Headliners For Virtual Commencement

Telling graduates that they were uniquely equipped to confront the pandemic and create a better world, President Obama joined Malala Yousafzai, LeBron James, and dozens of other luminaries to toast the class of 2020 in a virtual commencement ceremony. What do you think?

It must be exciting to celebrate graduation with something as unique as a video of Barack Obama talking.


Patricia Heartwood

This sends the wrong message. Kids need to learn that Obama isn't going to be there to hold their hand every time there's a major global upheaval.


Julian Foyle

Trump Says He Taking Hydroxychloroquine

President Trump told reporters he has been taking hydroxychloroquine for two weeks to prevent Covid-19, flouting its unproven nature and FDA warnings about its use outside of a hospital setting due to the risk of serious heart problems. What do you think?

No wonder he's been acting so weird lately.


Dean Mackie

Trump Says He Taking Hydroxychloroquine

I would need to see how it works on a few more presidents before I tried it.


Lisa Rolfe

Trump Says He Taking Hydroxychloroquine

Well, it sounds like he's finally taking an interest in preventive healthcare at least.


Trina Shah

Notre Dame To Reopen Campus For Fall Semester

One of the first major universities to outline plans to reopen campus following nationwide closures, Notre Dame announced its fall semester will start early and end by Thanksgiving, which administrators hope will minimize travel and reduce the likelihood of transmitting the coronavirus on campus. What do you think?

It's a tough call, but you just can't deprive students of a few months in Indiana.


Raffaele Giangrande

Let this be a message to other universities that even good schools have no idea what they're doing.


Simon Hollebone

I just know I'll get stuck with a roommate whose ventilator keeps me up all night.


Stacy Gould

All 50 States Unveil Plans To Ease Coronavirus Restrictions By Memorial Day

As Memorial Day approaches, every state in the Union has introduced steps to lift some of the safety orders put in place to reduce the spread of Covid-19, though health officials warn increased activity could spur a spike in new cases. What do you think?

Thank goodness. We shouldn't have to sacrifice anything to enjoy Memorial Day.


Chuck Holman

Excellent idea, viruses start running on a shortened summer schedule around then.