Nathan Keane

Bitcoin Falls 28% To 6-Week Low

Stoking fears of a potential cryptocurrency bubble, bitcoin has fallen in value below $10,000, bringing it to its lowest level since mid-December. What do you think?

This just goes to show something or other about markets, I guess.


Mildred Black

Bitcoin Falls 28% To 6-Week Low

It's devastating to those of us who thought it would stay strong until March and then completely tank.


Jack Spalding

Bitcoin Falls 28% To 6-Week Low


Benjamin Walker

CVS To End Major Touch-Ups On Beauty Models

Pharmaceutical giant CVS has announced plans to eliminate all touch-ups of models for their cosmetic, skincare, and hair products by 2020. What do you think?

Conventionally attractive women are beautiful even without photo touch-ups.


Catherine Holmes

Now when I'm comparing myself to models, I'll know with 100% certainty that they really do look that much better than me.


Cesar Rodriguez

Call me old-fashioned, but I don't want to see a single human flaw on my shampoo models.


Nancy Holt

North And South Korean Teams To March Together In Winter Olympics

In a milestone toward thawing relations between the nations, North and South Korea will march under one flag and field a unified ice hockey team in the 2018 Pyeongchang Winter Olympics. What do you think?

It'll be a historic moment when Canada knocks them out in the first round.


Manny Hernandez

Skiing brought me and my friends together, too!


Doug Puryear

Karen, if you're listening, this goes to show that reconciliation in this world is possible.


Louise Tivel

Michigan Restaurant Selling $180 Tacos

M Cantina, a restaurant in Dearborn, Michigan, is reportedly selling upscale tacos featuring foie gras, grasshoppers, and shaved black truffle and for $60, with a required 3 taco order that brings a single meal to a minimum of $180. What do you think?

Is it open now? I'm super hungry and I only have $183.50 on me.


Nick Erdrich

Michigan Restaurant Selling $180 Tacos

It's actually not that expensive if you split the meal with a few hundred buddies.


Terrance Spyra

Michigan Restaurant Selling $180 Tacos

Imagine how expensive their Gordita Crunches must be.


Aaron Silver

Apple Plans To Create 20,000 New Jobs, Build New Campus

Partially owing to a recent massive tax break, tech giant Apple will return billions of dollars from tax havens to the United States and create an estimated 20,000 new jobs while investing $30 billion in the U.S. economy. What do you think?

All the good done by this tax overhaul almost makes losing my Medicare seem worth it.


Emma Schultz

So 20,000 Chinese kids will just be left out in the cold?


Keith Daigle

It's nice when an unimaginably powerful company gets what they want.


Graham Markowitz

2017 Second-Hottest Year On Record

A new NASA analysis revealed that—even without warming caused by El Niño—2017 was the second-hottest year since modern record keeping began, and that 17 of the 18 warmest years have happened since 2001. What do you think?

But the overall trend is cooling if you plot all the data and then ignore it.


Sarah Flanders

2017 Second-Hottest Year On Record

I'm sure the scientists who warned us about this will think of something.


Andrew Wendt

2017 Second-Hottest Year On Record

Eh, 2017 was months ago, and I try not to live in the past.


Percy Keats

Police Find 1,600 Pounds Of Cocaine Smuggled In Pineapples

Authorities in Spain and Portugal found a massive stash of cocaine transported inside hollowed-out pineapples during a raid that also took down nine gang members responsible for the criminal operation. What do you think?

They should've used pears. Nobody cares about pears.


Brittany Stephens

That reminds me, I need to pick up some groceries at the police auction.


Kurt Perry

So this is what my wife meant when she said she found a job hollowing out pineapples for a Spanish drug lord.


Peter Simons

Senate Reaches Deal To End Government Shutdown

Democrats in the Senate have voted to end a three-day budget shutdown after receiving assurances from Republican leaders that they will soon tackle a bill to keep immigrant Dreamers in the country. What do you think?

Regardless of the outcome, the Democrats proved they could be as tough as anyone for almost an entire 70 hours.


Rebecca Metellus

Well I hope their little squabble was worth me having to miss my daily visits to the Liberty Bell.


Kevin Young

Does this mean I have to deliver the mail today?


Gresha Altman

Amazon To Open Grocery Store Without Checkout To Public

Amazon Go, a grocery store that uses hundreds of cameras and a customer's phone to eliminate checking out, opens to the public this week. What do you think?

I'm okay with there being no cashiers as long as humans are still involved in the backbreaking labor of producing the groceries.


Nicholas Haverford

This is going to put a lot of self-checkout robots out of work.


Milt Williams

Well, I'll be sure to cautiously resist this new thing until I suddenly can't remember what life was like before it.


Shannon Donahue

The Shape Of Water' Leads Oscar Nominations With 13

Guillermo Del Toro's supernatural romance The Shape of Water has received 13 Oscar nominations, including Best Picture, placing it ahead of war drama Dunkirk and dark comedy Three Billboards Outside Ebbing Missouri. What do you think?

Well, I wasn't a huge fan until this outcome apparently indicated I should be.


Carter Grant

Shame on us for indulging Guillermo Del Toro in another one of his sick fantasy worlds.


Greyson Pfeiffer

Well, I'm glad to see the Oscars finally reversing its egregious trend of repeatedly snubbing aquatic erotica films.


Vincent Holmes

Wonder Woman 2' First Film To Implement New Anti-Sexual Harassment Guidelines

Wonder Woman 2 will be the first movie to implement new Producer's Guide of America recommendations for combating sexual harassment, which include having an advocate constantly on set ready to hear any claims or concerns. What do you think?

They totally set this up at the end of the first movie.


Doug Achatz

What a shameless PR stunt by DC Comics to appeal to fans of equal rights.


Maureen Baltz

And they should also get a girl to play the lead again!


Nick Parker

Senator Will Become First To Give Birth In Office

Illinois Senator Tammy Duckworth announced this week that she is pregnant with her second child, which will make her the first serving U.S. Senator to give birth while in office. What do you think?

That'll be weird to have a senator who's thinking about the next generation.


Grenesha Hope

If this has never happened before, how do we know it's even possible?


Lucy Lantos

Vermont Governor Legalizes Marijuana

Vermont Governor Phil Scott has made history by signing marijuana legalization into law, making it the first state to do so by legislation. What do you think?

Good God, there's no way Vermont is ready for the upheaval in their culture this will bring.


Eric Yando

Vermont Governor Legalizes Marijuana

I'm not sure I understand why they need this—Isn't the population already 96% white?


Nathan Phillopolos

Vermont Governor Legalizes Marijuana

If anyone deserves to try pot, it's Ben and Jerry.


Peter Wilde

Tesla Model S Crashes Into Fire Truck While On Autopilot

The federal government is gathering information on an accident in which a Tesla Model S plowed into a fire truck at 65 mph while using autopilot. What do you think?

Why'd the driver think the car would control itself? What part of 'autopilot' don't they get?


Kevin Hertz

Thank God the firefighters were already there.


Salvatore Amato

Freshman Emails Every Claudia On Campus To Find Missed Tinder Match

After accidentally swiping left rather than right, a Missouri State freshman emailed every student on campus with the name Claudia in an effort to connect with her using the only information he knew. What do you think?

Every great love story begins with a boy obsessed with tracking down a girl.


Sarah Kennedy

I believe there's one true Claudia out there for us all.


Nicholas Portman

IKEA Founder Dies At 91

Swedish entrepreneur and Ikea founder Ingvar Kampgrad died at 91 after a brief illness. What do you think?

Will this affect the weekend hours at the Toronto locations at all?


Ilyssa Sandberg

IKEA Founder Dies At 91

I will never forgive him for what he did to the screwdriver industry.


Eric Capelli

IKEA Founder Dies At 91

Hopefully he went chaotically, pushing past a throng of other people trying to find the white light.


Patrick Belson

E-Cigarettes Encourage Children To Smoke But Help Adults Quit

A new comprehensive survey has found that e-cigarettes likely increase the risk of smoking regular tobacco products in children, but also can aid adult smokers in weaning themselves from addiction. What do you think?

Aw, I don't like it when things are good but also bad.


Anne Cohen

Gosh, the tobacco industry must be having some really mixed feelings right now.


Kenny Barnard

Enough equivocating! Just tell me if I should be outraged or not!


Hugh Walters

Rare Moon Trifecta Happening On Wednesday

On Wednesday, stargazers will see a rare triple lineup that includes a blue moon, a supermoon, and a total lunar eclipse, an occurrence that will not happen again until 2037. What do you think?

Okay, but this is the sky's last chance to impress me.


Alicia Ferguson

Where are we getting all these moons from?


Cleveland Holmes

Damn, I already made plans to stare at a completely different part of the sky.


Craig Guterman

5th-Largest Diamond In Human History Dug Up

A mining company in Lesotho has discovered a 910-carat diamond in the country's mountainous region, one of the largest of its kind ever found with an estimated $40 million price tag. What do you think?

Well yeah, the big diamonds are the easy ones to find.


Drew Black

I guess they just had an industrial-scale diamond mining operation in the right place at the right time.


Rebecca Ervine

Man, it must have felt amazing prying the diamond from the hands of the miners who dug it up.


Paul Stone

State Of The Union Address

President Trump delivered his first State Of The Union Address last night. What do you think?

I thought he kind of undercut his core message by introducing other people.


Luke Wynbrandt

State Of The Union Address


Nancy Bishop

State Of The Union Address

I'm ashamed to admit it now, but I had been worried the country was doing kind of bad.


Nate Wright

Nutella Riots Erupt In France

Shoppers at French supermarket chain Intermarché are rioting through stores and engaging in violence after the chain cut the price of Nutella by 70 percent. What do you think?

Have the French not discovered shoplifting yet?


Sandra Gregory

Nutella Riots Erupt In France

To be fair, Nutella tastes better if you draw blood for it.


Yitzhak Silver

Nutella Riots Erupt In France

Sounds like a decent riot by French standards.


Harold Manning

Naked Mole-Rats Might Theoretically Be Able To Live Forever

Scientists at Google concluded that naked mole-rats are the first known mammal to not have an increased risk of death from age-related causes. What do you think?


Nichole Klüg

Please tell me it's the nudity that makes them live longer.


Keith Carney

So do I just eat them to absorb their powers then, or what?


Alex Holloway

Cleveland Indians To Stop Using Chief Wahoo By 2019

The Cleveland Indians announced that they will no longer use their controversial mascot on next year's uniforms, although they will continue selling some merchandise featuring him. What do you think?

Sucks for the team. Now they have to sell a whole new batch of merchandise to the fans.


Carrie Schwarzwald

We didn't take this country from them to be told what mascots we can use.


Javier Wright

Japanese Researchers Create Edible Banana Peel

Scientists in Japan developed a banana with an edible peel by growing the fruit in ultra-cold conditions. What do you think?

This is devastating news for composters.


Eric Cranston

They'll just need to wrap the peel in something to protect it, and the vicious cycle will continue.


Chris Bishop

Canadian National Anthem Given Gender-Neutral Language

A bill passed in Canada's Senate will change the national anthem's second line from in all thy sons to in all of us to make it more inclusive. What do you think?

Wow, it's going to take forever for people to memorize it again.


Chelsea Mantel

They should add in some references to rockets and bombs, too.


Albert Wain

It's amazing the kind of problems you have when you don't have to worry about healthcare.


Hugh Lynn

Robert Wagner Now 'Person Of Interest' In Natalie Wood's Death

Nearly four decades after the starlet drowned off the coast of Santa Catalina island, former-husband Robert Wagner is now a person of interest in her death, investigators say. What do you think?

Man, they're not letting dudes in Hollywood get away with anything these days.


Gresha Roberts

Darn, just when he was so close to dying and coming off scot-free.


Benjamin Szypko

Eagles Win Super Bowl

The Philadelphia Eagles claimed their first Super Bowl title in franchise history Sunday after proving victorious against the New England Patriots in a 41-33 upset. What do you think?

It must be heartbreaking for Patriots fans to not get something even though they really wanted it.


Natasha Holmes

Eagles Win Super Bowl

From the moment I saw them hoisting the Vince Lombardi trophy, I knew they could do it.


Tilda Peterson

Eagles Win Super Bowl

I was wondering why it was so hard to get into the stadium last night!


Sandra Schiff

Dow Plunges 1,175 Points

The Dow went into a historic free fall on Monday, closing 1,175 points lower than it opened. What do you think?

Nothing cutting a few thousand jobs won't solve.


Mitchell Parsons

Dow Plunges 1,175 Points

Tell Wall Street to let me know if I can help out in any way.


Owen Trapp

Dow Plunges 1,175 Points

Weird. It's almost as if periods of rapid, unsustainable growth don't last forever.


Husni Farrell

Daniel Day-Lewis Obsessed With 'Naked And Afraid'

On a late-night show appearance, Phantom Thread director P.T. Anderson revealed that frequent collaborator Daniel Day-Lewis is fascinated by the Discovery channel reality show Naked And Afraid in which strangers strip naked and attempt to survive without food or water in a remote locale. What do you think?

Even in retirement he's diving into works that ask what it means to be human.


Greg Lot

I also don't have any interesting interview stories to tell on TV.


Lena Williams

What else does he watch, in case I run into him? I would love to be able to talk about more than one show with him.


Quincy Sanderson

Trump Tells Pentagon To Plan 'Military Parade'

The Pentagon is reviewing potential dates for a military parade after being asked by President Trump to plan an event similar to one he witnessed in France. What do you think?

What kind of country would we be if we couldn't drop everything to compensate for our leader's raging insecurities?


Cynthia Stiles

I hope the president invites his old service buddies to watch with him.


Stephen Revord

Glad to finally have someone in the White House who I'd be proud to call my supreme leader.


Sandra Willard

Scientist Developing Gadget To Transform Dog Barks Into English Language

An animal behavioral researcher in Arizona is developing technology that could make dog gestures understandable to humans in less than a decade, helping them comprehend what pet behaviors truly means. What do you think?

Imagine being able to know in a moment that my dog wants some of my sandwich.


Nathan Flagg

Why not teach dogs a more useful language like Mandarin?


Randall Park

If he wants to start paying rent, I'll listen to him, but otherwise my dog can keep his stupid opinions to himself.


Doug Bryant

2018 Pyeongchang Olympics Kicks Off With Ski Jumping, Curling

The early trials of the 2018 Winter Olympics have started in the South Korean city of Pyeongchang with ski jumping, alpine skiing, and curling. What do you think?

I hope my country beats the other countries, but I don't know why.


Kerry Levitsky

Nothing gets me more in the spirit of the Olympics than watching a few minutes of alpine skiing before turning it off.


Martin Gwynn

I'm so behind on my Olympic news. Who's the official diet drink this year?


Alex Medley

McDonald's French Fries May Contain Cure For Baldness

Researchers in Japan are experimenting with using an anti-foaming agent found in McDonald's French fries to help grow hair on mice. What do you think?

Makes sense. I've eaten McDonald's my whole life and I'm hairier now than I've ever been.


Hunter Skillin

I won't believe it until I see it on my Facebook feed a few more times.


Caitlin Prichard

Society just never stops reaping benefits from McDonald's.


Ken Stephens

Winter Olympics Opening Ceremony Begins

Featuring dazzling visual flourishes, a show of peace with North Korea, and celebrations of South Korean culture, the 2018 Winter Olympics Opening Ceremonies have officially begun. What do you think?

As a fan of overlapping circles, I couldn't be more excited!


Patricia Fanning

Winter Olympics Opening Ceremony Begins

I've been to South Korea—trust me, it's not like that all the time.


Greg Shattuck

Winter Olympics Opening Ceremony Begins

It looked like it was freezing! Whoever was responsible for that is in deep shit.


Leonard Smith

Poll: 2 In 3 Americans Support Legal Status For Dreamers

A new NPR/Ipsos poll found that 65% of Americans approve of a legal status for DACA recipients, while a majority oppose building a border wall. What do you think?

Since when have Americans known what's best for their country?


Tilda Winthrop

A majority is hardly enough for a representative democracy to take action.


Craig Dunwald

Ha ha, surprise! It's me, the third guy! Fuck the dreamers!


Alex Nelson

Bannon: #MeToo Movement Could Spell End For Trump

Former White House Chief Strategist Steve Bannon believes that the anti-patriarchy could take down President Trump, and that culture will never be the same going forward, according to author Joshua Green. What do you think?

There's still time to turn it all around and remind women of the kind and respectful man that first ran for president.


Sandra Markes

It seems unfair to punish Trump for attitudes and actions he has complete control over.


Peter Rapaport

If Bannon says it, it has to be true—Or it could be a crazy, paranoid exaggeration intended to rile up disaffected white guys. But it's definitely one of those two.


Eli Longford

Quentin Tarantino Calls Uma Thurman Accident Biggest Regret Of His Life

Quentin Tarantino told Vanity Fair that convincing Uma Thurman to perform the stunt that led to her car accident on the Kill Bill: Vol. 1 set was one of the biggest regrets of his life. What do you think?

It takes a big man to admit he did something wrong after being forced to address it years later.


Grace Willis

It's a shame that there's no safe way to film a person driving.


Samuel Wright

Oh come on, how was he supposed to know he should've taken her concerns seriously?


Timothy Perch

L.L. Bean Ends Iconic Lifetime Return Policy

In a message to patrons, L.L. Bean announced that it would end its long-standing policy of guaranteeing products for life, citing modern business demands and customers exploiting loopholes in the plan. What do you think?

But finding a loophole in a well-intentioned policy and exploiting it into ruin is a cornerstone of the American dream!


Candice Williams

Do they really expect me to buy a new backpack every 37 years?


Patrick Mendelssohn

That does it! I'm tired of being pushed around by Big Flannel.


Sam Hunt

Americans Gear Up For Valentine's Day

Americans nationwide are searching for the perfect gifts to symbolize their love for Valentine's Day. What will you give your significant other?

I usually screw up Valentine's Day, but this year I found just the right singing and dancing bear from Walgreens.


Kevin Erdich

Americans Gear Up For Valentine's Day

I've been hard at work on the 'one good reason she should stay' she's been dropping hints about.


Louise Freemont

Americans Gear Up For Valentine's Day

Oh man, I totally forgot to get a significant other!


Liz Newman

Obamas' Presidential Portrait Revealed

Barack and Michelle Obama revealed their unorthodox presidential portraits at the National Portrait Gallery, the works of painters Kehinde Wiley and Amy Sherald, respectively. What do you think?

They're good, but nothing I can't spin into a blistering indictment of his entire legacy.


Peter Williamson

Obamas' Presidential Portrait Revealed

I prefer Vincent Van Gogh's 'Starry Night.'


Claude McGuire

Obamas' Presidential Portrait Revealed

Separate portraits? Sounds like trouble in paradise...


Kerry Millstein

Peter Rabbit' Film Criticized For Making Light Of Allergies

Sony Pictures has issued an apology for insensitively depicting a gardener's blackberry allergies in children's film Peter Rabbit after drawing criticism for a comedic scene in which rabbits pelt the villainous character with blackberries. What do you think?

Well, my family won't be seeing Peter Rabbit no matter what the closing-credits rap number is.


Nicholas Hanson

After reading what he did to McGregor's garden, I put nothing past that son of a bitch.


Matthew Pasternak

While Sony's issuing them, we never really got an apology for Angels And Demons.


Martha Bennett

Sports Illustrated' Publishes First Swimsuit Issue Of #MeToo Movement

Sports Illustrated is touting its latest swimsuit issue—which features an all-female crew on some photo shoots and empowering slogans written on nude models—as the first of the #MeToo movement. What do you think?

If I hear they Photoshop-altered any of the empowering slogans to look better, I will scream.


Peter Aiken

Having all-female crews shooting the bikini pictures is even more aligned with my disgusting fantasies!


Anthony Schneider

Next time someone accuses me of not supporting women, I'm going to let them know I own this issue.


Stephen Altman

White House Compares Potential Food Stamps Replacement Program To 'Blue Apron'

On the heels of a proposal to cut food stamps, White House Budget Director Mick Mulvaney suggested sending needy Americans food directly in a manner he compared to delivery service Blue Apron. What do you think?

Look, if nothing else, Trump's an expert on what people should eat.


Nancy Bismark

It may sound appealing, but ultimately it's still giving food to poor people.


Salvatore Esposito

They should try the ginger chicken burgers with Hoisin mayo! Delicious.


Sandy West

Male Dogs Twice As Likely To Win At Westminster Dog Show

Due to factors such as coat shedding and breeding programs, male dogs have almost double the chance of winning Best in Show at the prestigious Westminster Dog Show. What do you think?

What's worse is cats have almost no chance.


Hank Sellers

As a professional show judge, let it be known that I am equally attracted to both male and female dogs.


Kerry White

Charles Manson's Body Still On Ice Due To Dispute

The Kern County Coroner's Office revealed that they are still holding onto the body of serial killer Charles Manson due to a dispute between his son, grandson, and two memorabilia collectors with unproven claims to his remains. What do you think?

It has to be really awkward when you find out you're not the only person a guy promised pieces of his corpse to.


Claude Williams

They should do the honorable thing and open this up to public auction.


Jeffrey Hayward

Oh what the hell: I'm also going to make a claim on the body!


Harold White

Scientists Create First Sheep-Human Hybrids

In a step toward creating a more plentiful supply of human organs for transplants, Stanford University scientists bred the first sheep-human hybrids. What do you think?

I'll give God 10 business days to stop these people, then it's up to me.


Grace Williams

I've been brainstorming slurs for these things all morning.


Nick Wilmore

Since everyone else is too cowardly to ask, I guess it's up to me: How are they with mint jelly?


Clarence Freeman

George, Amal Clooney To Join Florida Teens In Gun March

George and Amal Clooney will attend the March For Our Lives in Florida and have donated $500,000 to the cause of gun reform. What do you think?

I hate when big shots like this use their celebrity to try and convince me of the innate value of human life.


Wiltford Darrow

Clooney should stick to acting. And producing. Oh, and directing! Seriously, is there anything the man can't do?


Nancy Sullivan

This is really turning into the gun reform event of the season!


Max Weiner

FDA Finds Euthanasia In Several Brands Of Dog Food

The makers of Kibbles 'n Bits and Against the Grain brand dog food issued a recall after the FDA found trace elements of sodium pentobarbital—a drug commonly used to euthanize animals—in pet food. What do you think?

It's important to keep the dog food and dog poison production lines a minimum 7 feet apart on the factory floor.


Grant Edmonds

This is why I make and poison my own dog food.


Patricia Alton

Isn't dying peacefully after a big meal the dream of every living creature?


Lucy Lantoes

Drinking Alcohol Linked To Long Life

Neurologists at the University of California found that moderate drinking is linked to living longer than 90, with 2 glasses of beer or wine per day decreasing premature deaths by 18%. What do you think?

They better be sure about this. I don't want to spend the rest of my life enjoying myself for nothing.


Salvatore Russo

Drinking Alcohol Linked To Long Life

When I'm drunk I often feel like I'll live forever.


Carston Hanson

Drinking Alcohol Linked To Long Life


Samuel Flaherty

Ivanka Trump To Keep Focus On Athletes, Not North Korea, During Winter Olympics Trip

Saying she was merely excited to support U.S. athletes, First Daughter Ivanka Trump clarified that her trip to the Winter Olympics would not be spent engaging diplomatically with North Korea. What do you think?

How cute that she thinks we need to be reminded that she's not doing anything.


Felicia Gladwell

I'm sure she has better things to do than negotiate peace and goodwill between nations.


Melissa Kleinman

Joss Whedon Exits 'Batgirl' Movie

Saying that he didn't have a story to tell, filmmaker Joss Whedon has left the production of DC Entertainment's Batgirl film. What do you think?

What a shame. That would have been really good exposure for him.


Greg Faraday

Joss Whedon Exits 'Batgirl' Movie

He could have asked for any of my 2,000 pages of fan fiction.


Bob Gates

Joss Whedon Exits 'Batgirl' Movie

It's hard to capture the nuances of Gotham City outside the medium of Lego.


Peter Hamill

Jennifer Lawrence Tells Critics Of Her Versace Dress To 'Get A Grip'

After drawing criticism from feminists for wearing a revealing dress during the premiere of her new thriller Red Sparrow, Jennifer Lawrence responded that the complaints were sexist and ridiculous. What do you think?

When will women stop tearing each other down and start concealing their true opinions to avoid conflict?


Jeanette Riley

Why are we worrying about something as trivial as her outfit when her hair looked like shit?


Devin Hanson

Has she taken into consideration that I might be the expert on what's best for her?


Nadja Breton

China Proposes Ending 2-Term Presidential Limit

China's Communist Party may scrap the two-term presidential limit, clearing the way for Xi Jinping to stay in power far longer than the typical 10-year tenure. What do you think?

It's so great that Xi Jinping has found something he wants to do for the rest of his life.


Kevin Fenerman

Makes sense—most leaders don't hit their peak until well into their seventies.


Christopher Keyes

Phew, I was starting to worry I'd have to learn another Chinese president's name.


Sandra Wright

Hate Groups Increased In First Year Of Trump Presidency

American hate groups increased by 4 percent in the first year of Trump's presidency, with a substantial rise in anti-semitic, racist, and anti-LGBT organizations. What do you think?


Nick Gable

So weird. I could swear I hated a lot less this year.


Arnold Peters

Maybe I can finally find a group that caters to my specific variety of bigotry!


Adam Shear

Millennials Not More Liberal On Gun Control Than Past Generation

A Gallup poll has found that while Americans under 30 are more liberal on a variety of other issues, they are only 1 percent more likely to approve gun control than their elders. What do you think?

Phew, was worried these kids were smarter than me for a minute.


Eileen Eddy

That's alright. I had a feeling this generation sucked.


Craig Rice

Report Finds No Progress On Homeownership, Incarceration, Or Unemployment For Blacks

A report released by the Economic Policy Institute found that African Americans have experienced no net gains in homeownership, incarceration, or employment rates in the past 50 years. What do you think?

If it makes them feel any better, I haven't been doing so hot either.


Lacey Williams

OK, but how's next year looking for them? Good?


Hank Turner

How hard is it to turn sociopolitical norms entrenched for 400 years on their head?


Kerry Neff

Climate Change Could Kill Most King Penguins By 2100

Climate models suggest that 70 percent of the 3.2 million King Penguins on Earth could die off by 2100 due to dwindling food sources. What do you think?

One or two could come live with me if that helps.


Wilhelm Erickson

Cool. So they're going to outlast most other species.


Evan Wilson

I'll probably be dead by 2100, too, but you don't see me making a big fuss about it.


Jason Heller

Jared Kushner Loses Top-Secret Security Clearance

Presidential son-in-law and adviser Jared Kushner lost access to top-secret information in a memo sent out last Friday, sources confirmed. What do you think?

How is Kushner supposed to negotiate with world leaders without revealing top-secret information?


Kelly Clark

I always had faith that one tiny component of the system would occasionally more or less work.


Stephen Holmes

I just worry this could hamper his ability to pretend like he's got a real job.


Stephen Hart

Pizza Hut Replaces Papa John's As Official Pizza Of NFL

The NFL announced Wednesday that Pizza Hut would become its official pizza after parting ways with Papa John's over criticism of protesting players. What do you think?

Finally, the kind of change we need to move forward as a nation.


Candice O'Malley

Okay, so what am I allowed to watch now when I order Papa John's?


Stokely Peters

Roger Goodell better watch his goddamn back—Little Caesar's won't take this sitting down.


Isabel Overton

Anti-Semitic Incidents Rise 57% In 2017

After a significant decrease in recent years, an Anti-Defamation Society report found that hate crimes against Jewish Americans increased from 1,267 to 1,986 in 2017, the largest single-year rise since the ADL began taking records in 1979. What do you think?

Don't worry, these things usually die down once they reach a horrifying peak.


Ian Murray

Anti-Semitic Incidents Rise 57% In 2017

That's terrible! I really thought, as a country, we had moved on to persecuting other ethnic and religious groups.


Leonard Cooper

Anti-Semitic Incidents Rise 57% In 2017

The rise in hate crimes is a serious issue that our next president will have to address.


Adam Woolworth

Americans Trust Mueller More Than Trump

A recent poll found that 58 percent of Americans have a lot or some trust in Special Counsel Robert Mueller's investigation of Russian meddling, a similar number to those who do not trust President Trump's denials on the matter. What do you think?


Carol Dilworth

Americans Trust Mueller More Than Trump

He must be utterly incorruptible to surmount such a high bar of trustworthiness.


Kevin West

Americans Trust Mueller More Than Trump

To be honest, I've had a hard time trusting anyone since Michael left.


Tabitha Nicholson

Cape Town Could Run Out Of Water As Early As July

Despite stringent rationing of water, city officials say Cape Town could run completely dry as soon as July, which would make it the first major city in the world to do so. What do you think?

Having no water is awful. Nothing like the disease and anarchy to follow, but still pretty bad.


Samuel Cartwright

Besides drinking, cooking, bathing, and cleaning, what do you even need water for anyway?


Katherine Harrison

Moon To Get Mobile Network By 2019

Vodafone and Audi are collaborating to create the first lunar mobile network by 2019 in support of a subsequent private mission to the moon. What do you think?

Imagine being simultaneously amazed by Earthrise on the lunar horizon and a listicle on what Lisa Bonet looks like now.


Justin Harris

Moon To Get Mobile Network By 2019

So in the meantime, should we continue to just keep writing letters to the moon?


Nick Moore

Moon To Get Mobile Network By 2019

It's about time. I can't tell you how many calls I miss every time I go to space.


Owen Trapp

The Shape of Water' Wins Best Picture

The highest honor of the 90th Academy Awards went to Guillermo del Toro's The Shape of Water, a film about the relationship that forms between a mute woman and an amphibious creature. What do you think?

Cool! That's gonna look great stamped on a Blu-Ray cover.


Kerry Pauls

The Shape of Water' Wins Best Picture

Well deserved. Del Toro did much to elevate the art of monster porn with this film.


Scott Rudin

The Shape of Water' Wins Best Picture


Cameron Hart

Childhood Obesity Getting Worse

Despite positive findings in recent years, a study published in the journal Pediatrics revealed that childhood obesity is still on the rise. What do you think?

This is just the price of advancements in food deliciousness.


Silvia Espinoza

Childhood Obesity Getting Worse

I'm afraid that until an environmentally triggered global famine, we're stuck with these children.


Ted Wright

Childhood Obesity Getting Worse

Nothing a little teenage eating disorder can't fix.


Silvio Certo

Judge Forces Martin Shkreli To Forfeit $2 Million Wu-Tang Clan Album

After his conviction for security fraud, tech investor Martin Shkreli was forced to forfeit $7.36 million in assets, including the Wu-Tang Clan album that he bought at auction for $2 million. What do you think?

Hopefully it will find its way into the hands of a wealthy pharma exec who deserves it.


Stefanie Williams

Money is one thing, but the greatest pain must be knowing that Ghostface Killah is disappointed in you.


Eric Staples

Eh, I'm more into their earlier stuff that didn't involve Martin Shkreli.


Greg Williams

North Korea Open To Relinquishing Nuclear Arms

South Korean officials say Kim Jong-Un is willing to give up his nuclear ambitions if his regime is guaranteed safety by the United States. What do you think?

This country will not be bullied into peace.


Claire Sands

I worry when dealing with such a volatile nation as the United States.


Steven O'Hallahan

It takes a big man to express openness to relinquishing catastrophic weaponry if his exact conditions are met.


Sandra Blessing

Doctor Performs Brain Surgery On Wrong Patient

A doctor in Kenya has been suspended after performing brain surgery on a patient who merely needed medication for a swollen head, rather than the intended individual. Both patients are expected to recover. What do you think?

Well, that's just the risk you take when you check into a hospital.


Josh White

I know how that goes. Recently, they gave me nuggets when I asked for strips.


Kevin McQuary

Must have been a relief to open the guy up and see very little work was necessary.


Patricia Andrews

Apple Employees Called 911 After Smacking Heads On Headquarters' Glass

Employees in the new Apple headquarters have been repeatedly walking into its glass windows and doors, forcing some to call 911 due to mild concussions. What do you think?

Hey, not every $5 billion headquarters can be a winner.


Chris White

That's why a windowless open-plan office is always the way to go.


Daniel Hart

Americans No Longer Prefer Sons To Daughters

A Gallup study indicates a growing bias against having sons and towards having daughters in most American parents, with experts citing a subtle fear of boys and the trouble they might bring. What do you think?

I promise to fear my child no matter what sex they're born.


Jermaine Darrow

Honestly, I'd recommend just getting a plant.


Laura Williams

If this is about my Peter again, I swear he's a good boy at heart!


David McHenry

World's Oldest Message In A Bottle Found On Australian Beach

A 132-year-old message in a bottle was found by an Australian family, with experts verifying that it was thrown off of a German Naval Observatory vessel in 1886 as an experiment in shipping routes. What do you think?


Harriett Knowles

Ugh, people never want to have face-to-face conversations.


Alexander Nicholson

But when I throw garbage into the ocean it's apparently a bad thing?


Lauren Holmes

Fresh Beef Coming To McDonald's

Fast-food giant McDonald's announced it will roll out fresh beef at the majority of its domestic locations in a move to battle for customers' increasingly divided attention. What do you think?

That's fine, I can just freeze and re-thaw my burgers at home.


Nick Certo

Fresh Beef Coming To McDonald's

This could be just the thing to make Americans fall in love with hamburgers.


Abraham Williams

Fresh Beef Coming To McDonald's

It's about time Mayor McCheese did something with his power.


Jessica Myers

Daylight Saving Time Begins

Americans set their clocks forward by one hour on Sunday so that daylight lasts further into the evening. How are you coping with losing an hour?

I'm excited that the clock in my car is finally correct again!


Nathan Beal

Daylight Saving Time Begins

At least the hour taken from me was also taken from my enemies.


Hank Black

Daylight Saving Time Begins

That one lost hour is no big deal compared to the huge chunks of time I fritter away every day.


Albert Hamill

Opioid Overdoses Soar By 30%

A Centers for Disease Control and Prevention report found that overdoses due to opioids such as oxycodone, fentanyl, and heroin increased by 30 percent from July 2016 to September 2017, revealing a still worsening crisis. What do you think?


Natasha Modell

Opioid Overdoses Soar By 30%

What the hell happened in late 2016 and early 2017 that made people turn to drugs?


Eric White

Opioid Overdoses Soar By 30%

I think the real 'crisis' here is that nothing else makes you feel as good.


Glen Frahm

Britain Blames Russia For Poisoning Of Former Spy

British Prime Minister Theresa May said Russia's involvement in poisoning a former Russian spy was highly likely and called it a direct act of the Russian state against the United Kingdom. What do you think?

So what? We were attacked by Russia, too, but you don't see us doing anything about it.


Keith Weinman

This is nothing that a string of flat denials from Putin can't resolve.


Richard O'Halligan

Having only been poisoned once or twice, I hardly feel qualified to weigh in.


Haley Lynn

Coca-Cola Will Launch First-Ever Alcoholic Drink In Japan

Beverage giant Coca-Cola is developing its first-ever alcoholic spin on its classic soda to be sold in Japan later this year, saying it will be 3 percent to 8 percent alcohol and feature a vodka-like distillation of rice, barley, and potatoes known as shōchū. What do you think?

I can't think of a better way to marry my brand loyalty to my alcoholism!


Kevin Holmes

Mixing Coca-Cola with alcohol? Whoever heard of such a thing?


Nick Winter

Why is America still punishing Japan for World War 2?


Nick Burgess

Scientology TV Network Sets Launch

The Church of Scientology cult launchd a 24/7 network on DirecTV and several streaming services this week, including such programs as Meet A Scientologist, Voices for Humanity, and L. Ron Hubbard: In His Own Voice. What do you think?

Huh, one of their members must know someone in the entertainment industry.


Tito Rodriguez

Scientology TV Network Sets Launch

Oh wow, I love TV! Sounds like Scientology might be right for me.


Kerry Howitzer

Scientology TV Network Sets Launch


Greg Thomas

MIT Aims To Build Fusion Power Plant Within 15 Years

The Massachusetts Institute of Technology plans to bring nuclear fusion to market in the next 15 years after receiving a $50 million investment, a development that could offer the world massively more efficient and cleaner energy. What do you think?

But when will the new dining hall be finished?


William Peck

Wait, are we not scared of nuclear power anymore? I thought we were still scared of it.


Alicia Burton

Those MIT fellas, they're always building stuff!


Doug Newman

NASA Study Reveals 7% Of Astronaut's Genes Change

A NASA study in which astronaut Scott Kelly lived at the International Space Station for one year while his identical twin brother, Mark Kelly, remained on Earth found a 7 percent change in genes as a result of staying in space, including those involved in the immune system. What do you think?

Oh wait, Mark was the one down here on Earth? I've been calling him Scott!


Natalie O'Flaherty

Identical twins still sound weirder to me than this study.


Timothy Bade

What I want to know is how did this study affect their relationship as brothers?


Kevin Mills

Thousands Of Students Nationwide Walk Out Of Schools In Gun Protest

Teenagers from 3,000 schools across the country staged a walkout for 17 minutes on Wednesday—a tribute to the 17 killed at Parkland, FL—to protest gun violence. What do you think?

So did it work, or are people still shooting them?


Jessica Sullivan

Smart move. Those places are very unsafe.


Nick Singer

I'm just excited that we have 3,000 schools in this country.


Ellen Kramer

Buttered Popcorn Tops Rankings Of Favorite Jelly Bean Flavor

Topping last year's winning flavor of black licorice, a new survey reveals that buttered popcorn is the nation's favorite jelly bean flavor. What do you think?


Arnold Wright

If it tastes anything like buttered popcorn, I bet it's pretty good.


Nicholas Hoepfner

I'll just have a glass of water, please.


Natasha Black

Ford Recalls 1.4 Million Cars Because Their Steering Wheels Might Come Off

Automaker Ford issued a recall for 1.4 million Ford Fusion and Lincoln MKZ model cars after discovering their steering wheels may pop off while driving leading to an increased risk of crash. What do you think?

Hey, anyone can make 1.4 million mistakes.


Colin North

Putin Wins Russian Election

Vladimir Putin won his widely expected fourth and final term on Sunday with over 70 percent of the vote, extending his rule over the world's largest country for six more years. What do you think?

All the people who criticized him for having journalists killed probably feel pretty silly now.


Sandra Nicholson

Putin Wins Russian Election

Well, he brought the Russian people a clear message about who they're going to vote for.


Richard Etre

Putin Wins Russian Election

As Americans, we complain and complain about the man, but how many of us even turned out to vote?


Larry Williams

Toys 'R' Us Prepares To Liquidate Business

Toys 'R' Us is in the process of filing to liquidate its business, a move that would close all 800 locations in the U.S. What do you think?

That's fine. My wife took the kids anyways.


Keith West

Looks like the consequences of their foolish decision to write the letter 'R' backwards have finally caught up to them.


Cynthia Lilllard

Dog Dies On United Flight After Being Stowed In Overhead Bin

A French bulldog died after a United flight attendant instructed a passenger to place it in the overhead bin at the outset of the journey. What do you think?

That's terrible! French bulldogs are supposed to die at age 7 from eugenic complications!


Anderson Cagney

And yet we're supposed to put our vacation clothes and toiletries in those death traps.


Timothy Hill

Well, I refuse to fly United until they have the cheapest direct flights in my search criteria.


Clark Moore

Uber Self-Driving Car Strikes And Kills Pedestrian In Arizona

Rideshare service Uber suspended autonomous car testing nationwide after a self-driving car struck and killed an Arizona woman crossing the street. What do you think?

Luckily, we have infallible human drivers to fall back on.


Tatiana Cooke

You can't expect to develop a technology that eliminates human workers without a few people getting hurt.


Dunston Andrews

How could Uber screw up something as simple as AI for speeding two-ton robots?


Patricia Jacobsen

World's Last Male Northern White Rhino Dies After Health Complications

Sudan, the last male northern white rhino, died this week at 45 due to age-related health complications, leaving the only hope of reviving the subspecies with using IVF to impregnate the remaining two female northern white rhinos. What do you think?


Nicholas Hanson

45 is so young. Or old? I don't know with rhinos.


Art Lynch

Wow. Pretty selfish of him to doom the rest of his subspecies like that.


Halley White

Trump Made Senior Staff Sign NDAs That Last Beyond Presidency

President Donald Trump pressured senior staff members into signing long-lasting nondisclosure agreements that subject them to $10 million in fines should they leak confidential information to the press. What do you think?

Good idea. Otherwise something embarrassing might get out.


John Petrachonis

Well, it's not really my place to know what the executive branch of the United States is up to.


Tucker Van Dyke

Whoa, that's crazy that he had sex with his entire staff.


Tanner Moran

WhatsApp Co-Founder Joins #DeleteFacebook Movement

Adding an influential voice to the social media boycott, WhatsApp co-founder Brian Acton said that he would join the movement that arose out of the website's Cambridge Analytics scandal and delete his Facebook account. What do you think?

Is there a way I can delete my account but still let them have my data? That seems like the fairest way to do it.


Nichole Fennerman

I'll withhold action until the Candy Crush people speak up.


Anthony Morris

It's good to see someone with no possible ulterior motive taking a stand.


Victoria Wilson

Tinder's Parent Company Suing Bumble For Patent Infringement

Tinder's parent company, Match Group, is suing fellow dating app Bumble for infringement on patents including its swipe-based interface. What do you think?

Tinder came up with dating first, fair and square.


Doug Tyson

I swiped my finger across pictures of attractive people long before apps existed.


Matt Michaels

Let's not argue over who first ruined dating for an entire generation.


Carter Williams

Stormy Daniels '60 Minutes' Interview To Air This Weekend

Despite threats of legal action from the White House, adult film actress and director Stormy Daniels will appear in an interview with Anderson Cooper this Sunday to discuss her relationship with President Trump. What do you think?

Oh, I'll definitely be watching whatever short clips the internet has determined significant the day after!


Kristin Anatolia

It shows how low the mainstream media has sunk that they're actually devoting a segment to this vile man.


Harrison Tannenbaum

This must be heartbreaking for Melania if she's allowed to watch the news.


Stacy Pappas

NASA Developing Spacecraft To Stop Possible Asteroid Strike In 2135

Researchers are developing a hypothetical spacecraft to collide with an asteroid that would otherwise strike Earth on Sept. 25, 2135, while stressing that the 1-in-2,700 chance of this happening is very slight. What do you think?

This feels like a weird time to start caring about the future.


Benjamin Tillerson

Can't we blow the money on something fun and let the next generation take care of it?


Dan Cartwright

Dear God, I only have 118 years to live.


Travis Hendricks

Male Birth Control Pill Shows Early Promise

A form of once-daily male birth control appears to be safe, leading to only slight weight gain in men, although researchers say further testing is needed on side effects and effectiveness. What do you think?

If it's so safe, why won't they let women use it?


William Price

Aw, but I was really looking forward to my vasectomy.


Alexis Landry

I'm not sure I'd want to risk taking a pill that could affect my socio-cultural perceptions of masculinity.


Jay Carson

Millions Of Americans March Nationwide Against Gun Violence

Roughly two million Americans joined the March For Our Lives this weekend to protest gun violence in the U.S., with 800,000 attending in Washington, D.C. alone. What do you think?

I feel stupid asking, but if I left now would it still be worth coming?


Richard Banks

Ah, I remember when I was young and passionate about issues like living.


Libby Nicholson

Okay, now it's only fair we hear from the guns.


Martin Hart

White House Order Would Ban Most Transgender Troops

An order issued Friday by President Trump bars transgender individuals from serving in the armed forces, setting the stage for a lengthy legal battle and eventual Supreme Court decision. What do you think?

No American citizen should be denied the chance to kill legally just because of who they are.


Abe Bloomgarden

I can't believe an institution that demands absolute uniformity could be so discriminatory!


Christina Landry

Good thing I saved my poster board from the last time I protested this.


Silvio Brenton

Gunmaker Remington Files For Bankruptcy

Remington, one of America's oldest gunmakers, filed for bankruptcy this week, allowing the maker of the AR-15 rifle to stay in business and shed its massive debt. What do you think?

This is the least sad story involving guns that I've ever heard.


Nathan Villanueva

Gunmaker Remington Files For Bankruptcy

Ouch. Let's hope this doesn't generate negative press for gun manufacturers.


Sarah Lowell

Gunmaker Remington Files For Bankruptcy

Being a merchant of death has to be one of the harder business models to pivot.


Craig O'Malley

Roseanne' Returns

More than 30 years after its debut, Roseanne has returned to ABC to depict the working-class struggles of the titular character and her husband, Dan. What do you think?

Finally, I can watch a worse version of my third-favorite show from 30 years ago.


Kerry White

Roseanne' Returns

When you think about it, trying to come up with a whole new show is pretty silly.


Frederick Sanders

Roseanne' Returns

Smart of them to capitalize on Roseannemania while it's white-hot.


Mark Hammond

Actress Allegedly Bites Beyoncé's Face

During an interview with GQ, Tiffany Haddish revealed that an unnamed actress bit Beyoncé on the face while at a party in Los Angeles. What do you think?

What an idiot, that's probably the least biteable part of her.


Kimberly O'Hara

Actress Allegedly Bites Beyoncé's Face

Everyone's acting like they wouldn't do the exact same in that situation.


Daniel Wilkerson

Actress Allegedly Bites Beyoncé's Face


Tilda Peterson

Steven Spielberg Says Netflix Films Don't Deserve Oscars

In a recent interview, director Steven Spielberg said that films on streaming services without a theatrical release should not receive Oscars, saying that such productions are akin to TV movies. What do you think?

Netflix movies don't deserve to share the stage with true cinema like Suicide Squad.


Clark Bryant

The world is big enough for both E.T. and whatever E.T. ripoff Netflix plans to make.


Sam Nagel

Finally, somebody in Hollywood's speaking out about an issue Americans truly care about.


Danica Wiles

Scientists Discover New Human Organ

Researchers have discovered a never-before-seen organ in humans called the interstitium, which consists of a number of interconnected, fluid-filled compartments found throughout the body. What do you think?

I always had a hunch our bodies were more disgusting than we realized!


Ned Alamin

Scientists Discover New Human Organ

The last thing I needed was another organ.


Samuel Perkins

Scientists Discover New Human Organ

Huh! Guess we must have evolved it sometime in the last few weeks.


Peter D'Anastasio

Walmart Pulling 'Cosmo' From Checkout Lines

Responding to complaints that the magazine contained hyper-sexualized content, retail giant Walmart will no longer stock Cosmopolitan in checkout lines, although it will still be available in magazine aisles. What do you think?

I'm glad to see Walmart has finally tackled its biggest problem.


Anette Winters

If they're under the impression that I can't get aroused by TV Guide, they better think again.


Brian Cornell

If anyone's wondering, Target has a great selection of sexual magazines in their checkout lines.


Benjamin Parnell

Laura Ingraham Apologizes For Mocking Florida Shooting Survivor

Under fire from viewers and advertisers, Laura Ingraham apologized Thursday for mocking Parkland shooting survivor David Hogg, expressing regret for any upset or hurt my tweet caused. What do you think?

Sometimes, we all need 12 companies to remind us to do the right thing by pulling their advertising.


Kerry Malkova

I bet if David Hogg made fun of Parkland survivors, he wouldn't have to apologize.


Leo Ballard

I don't have any advertisers, so it's cool if I keep mocking him, right?


Adam Liver

Adnan Syed Of 'Serial' Given New Trial

Citing the negligence of his original legal counsel, the Maryland Court of Special Appeals has granted a new trial to Adnan Syed, whose conviction of first-degree murder was chronicled on the popular podcast Serial. What do you think?


Taylor Keene

Adnan Syed Of 'Serial' Given New Trial

This just goes to show that as long as a few million people take an interest in a case, the justice system could work.


Douglas Weiss

Adnan Syed Of 'Serial' Given New Trial

Oh, yeah, him. I don't care about that anymore.


Todd Sanders

Pope Calls For World Peace During Easter Mass

As tens of thousands gathered in Vatican City, Pope Francis spent his Easter mass calling for peace in parts of the world ravaged by war and conflict, including the Israel-Gaza border, Syria, and several African countries. What do you think?

War's pretty popular; he might not want to burn that bridge.


Anthony Peck

Yeah, but as the Pope, he has to say stuff like that.


Samantha Nicholson

If he really wanted peace then he would order his Swiss guards to put down their halberds.


Jennifer Overton

Author Says Kellyanne Conway Is 'Number One Leaker' In White House

In an interview Sunday, journalist Ronald Kessler said that Kellyanne Conway, counselor to President Trump, is the number one leaker in the White House. What do you think?

Interesting. I would've guessed Under Secretary of Agriculture for Farm and Foreign Agricultural Services Bill Northey.


Saladeen Flores

It's good to finally know what she actually does all day.


Timothy Rush

That seems like a private matter between her and future prosecutors.


Nathan Feldspar

Sinclair Forces Dozens Of Local News Anchors To Recite Same Script

Revealing the sway of the media giant, Sinclair Broadcast Group made dozens of local anchors recite a promo in which they railed against fake news and delivered what have been seen by many as pro-Trump talking points. What do you think?

I'm sure they were given the option to not recite it and lose their jobs.


Carrie Winstone

How are you so sure this isn't just one big coincidence?


Jermaine Peterson

Unfortunately, some members of the media use their platforms to push their own personal bias and agenda to control exactly what people think. This is extremely dangerous to our democracy.


Arnold Peltzer

Key To Living Longer May Be Severe Calorie Reduction

A new study found that by cutting 25 percent of the calories in their meals, individuals were able to make their metabolism more efficient and decrease free radicals, and may thereby live longer. What do you think?

The only thing better than a less pleasurable life is stretching it out another decade.


Laura Hillstrom

I'm sorry, but to cut my calories by 25 percent, I'm going to need a lot more motivation than the promise of a longer, healthier life.


Bryan Wyndham

I'll stop feeding my children right away!


Darnell Winthrop

Reddit Announces Redesign

Reddit has rolled out its first major redesign in nearly a decade, giving its 230 million users a chance to access the website in a way designers hope is simpler and more accessible, without altering the scaffolding that has made it popular. What do you think?

This will likely roll out smoothly and no one will have any complaints.


Craig Suthers

Reddit Announces Redesign

Ten years? Wow. Have I really been verbally assaulting people on justice porn for that long?


Lilian Hartworth

Reddit Announces Redesign


Nick Canton

Mueller Tells Trump He's Not Under Criminal Investigation

Special Counsel Robert Mueller told President Trump that he is a subject—but not a criminal target—in the ongoing Russia investigation, though experts say this may be a ploy to lull the president into a false sense of security. What do you think?

Phew. I was worried all these indictments and interviews were starting to lead somewhere.


Louisa Brinkley

Not currently a criminal target?' Looks like he's got his 2020 slogan.


Steven Wilton

Oh, good, the president isn't under criminal investigation.


Annie Campos

Japanese TV Station Launches First-Ever Android News Anchor

Japanese broadcaster Nippon has launched a news-broadcasting android named Erica Aoi to deliver the news using an advanced artificial speech system on several daily shows, telling reporters in a press conference that she is so realistic that she appears to have a soul. What do you think?

I bet the teleprompter machine is really mad it got passed over for the spot.


Tad Thornton

The thing I hated most about the news was its humanity.


Clifford Perry

She won me over with her folksy sign-off, 'TERMINATE NEWS_READ ALGORITHM.'


Alex Cameron

2001: A Space Odyssey' Celebrates 50th Anniversary

Stanley Kubrick's 2001: A Space Odyssey hit U.S. theaters 50 years ago this week, changing sci-fi filmmaking forever with its stunning setpieces and psychedelic visuals. What do you think?

At the time, it was very innovative, but of course now we're all accustomed to movies ending with a fetus hovering over Earth.


Tucker McGregor

That's the movie that first got me to believe in space.


Clarice Branton

Wow, has it been 50 years now that I've been meaning to watch that film?


Pascal Walters

U.S. Marshals Arrest Designers Of Water Slide That Decapitated Rider

Federal agents arrested the designers of the Schlitterbahn water slide in Kansas City that decapitated a 10-year-old rider. What do you think?

They're one step closer to catching the slide that did this.


Tatiana Frederickson

They knew going in about the heavy burden that comes with being water slide designers.


Anderson Pierce

Have we become so safety-obsessed that we prosecute ev—Jesus Christ, what did you say happened?


David Hasse

North Korea Ready To Discuss Denuclearization, Officials Say

Clearing the way for talks between Donald Trump and Kim Jong-Un, U.S. officials reported that North Korea is ready to discuss denuclearization. What do you think?

I've invested too much in dehydrated vegetables for there not to be a nuclear war.


Alicia Vanderbilt

I was actually starting to enjoy their rocket tests.


Stephanie Davis

Hotel Forgives Guest After Flock Of Seagulls Destroyed Room In 2001

The Fairmont Empress Hotel has forgiven a guest 17 years after he left a suitcase filled with pepperoni sticks by an open window, thereby attracting a flock of seagulls and causing the room's destruction. What do you think?

But will the seagulls forgive him for selling them out?


Peter Cadbury

That hotel better be careful—a policy like this could bankrupt them.


Drew Sanderson

I'm sure the press attention he'll get from this will be punishment enough.


Stephon Clarke

Mark Zuckerberg To Congress: 'It Was My Mistake, And I'm Sorry'

Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg apologized for Russian election interference and third-party use of user data on Tuesday in a testimony to Congress, telling lawmakers it was my mistake, and I'm sorry. What do you think?

We have to take him at his public relations firm's carefully crafted word.


Grenesha Sworton

Good. Admitting your mistakes is the first step to pretending they never happened.


Sarah Rhodes

Giant Pandas No Longer Endangered Species

Owing to efforts by conservationists and local governments, the population of the giant panda rose 17 percent from 2004 to 2014, leading to the species being downgraded from endangered to vulnerable. What do you think?

Cut to the chase. Where are we with the Wyoming toad?


Aaron Beltran

Good. There's one panda I've been dying to punch.


Gus McHenry

Too bad they're all going to hell for all that premarital sex.


Augustus Pierce

Russian Woman Embalmed Alive After Hospital Mix-Up

A woman in Ulyanovsk, Russia died in surgery after doctors accidentally embalmed her alive by putting her on a formaldehyde-based drip rather than saline one. What do you think?

The guy who wanted to get embalmed must be pissed.


Tim Sanderson

Don't be so sure she's dead. This hospital has a bad record of not detecting the difference.


Leon Willis

FBI Raid On Trump's Lawyer Sought Files Related To 'Access Hollywood' Tape

Federal agents who recently raided the office of President Trump's personal lawyer Michael Cohen were searching for all records related to the infamous Access Hollywood tape as well as evidence that he made payments to suppress evidence of Trump's affairs. What do you think?

He's smart not to represent himself—the last thing Cohen needs is a dumbshit lawyer pleading his case.


Catherine Millikan

I could see this being the moment that finally takes down the president in many people's imagination.


Barry Cantrell

Man, this is even more exciting than the last Trump investigation thing that I already forgot!


Jerome Hatfield

Paul Ryan Will Not Seek Reelection

Speaker Paul D. Ryan announced Wednesday that he will not seek reelection in November, ending his brief tenure in the House of Representatives and likely kicking off a battle for his successor. What do you think?

Don't get too excited. This could just be another one of his great-sounding promises he fails to follow through on.


Lenora Catsby

Paul Ryan Will Not Seek Reelection

Love him or hate him, he'll go down in history as a person who was speaker.


Andrew Sutherland

Paul Ryan Will Not Seek Reelection

I'm sure he can retire comfortably knowing he did a job.


Tabitha Knight

T.J. Miller Arrested For Alleged Fake Bomb Threat

Former Silicon Valley star T.J. Miller is facing a federal charge after allegedly calling in a false threat suggesting that a passenger on his Amtrak Train had a bomb in her purse. The sentence could carry up to a five-year prison sentence. What do you think?

I'm sure the commuters were less mad when they heard the train stopped for the star of The Emoji Movie.


Jordan Cruz

I didn't realize things were going so badly for him that he's been taking the train.


Greg Young

Huh, I always had him pegged as more of the arsonist type.


Wilma Schultz

Fleetwood Mac Fires Lindsey Buckingham

Fleetwood Mac has fired Lindsey Buckingham after a disagreement over the band's upcoming tour, opting to replace the singer of Go Your Own Way with Mike Campbell of Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers and Neil Finn of Crowded House. What do you think?

Whatever happened to the drama-free Fleetwood Mac we all know and love?


Kevin Saracens

Fleetwood Mac Fires Lindsey Buckingham


Bradley Winters

Fleetwood Mac Fires Lindsey Buckingham

I wish I could help, but we're not hiring right now.


Langley Myers

Upcoming 'Game Of Thrones' Battle Reportedly Took 55 Days To Shoot

A producer for Game of Thrones revealed that a massive battle scene for the eighth and final season of the HBO fantasy series required 55 days of shooting, far longer than any other in the show's history. What do you think?

Man, at this point, they'll really try anything to give George R.R. Martin time to catch up.


Samuel Patterson

That's gonna be the best two minutes of television ever!


Michael Grant

You'd think after seven seasons they'd be better at this whole filmmaking thing by now.


Tyler Winston

New 'Lord Of The Rings' Book 'The Fall Of Gondolin' To Be Released This Year

A posthumously published book in J.R.R. Tolkien's fantasy series titled The Fall of Gondolin will be published this year. Depicting the elven city of Gondolin—and its sacking by the dark lord Morgoth—the book was assembled by the author's son from notes and journals in his archives. What do you think?

It's so cool of Tolkien's son to keep his father's profits alive.


Nicole Kapernick

Pretty impressive that Tolkien can keep cranking these out at 126.


Douglas Bryans

Finally, something for the Morgoth fans!


Gideon Whitman

Americans File Returns For Tax Day

Millions of Americans will file federal and state tax returns this week or face penalties from the government. Have you filed your taxes?

Ha ha, I didn't have to pay a dime in taxes. I hope that changes soon, though, I could really use the work.


Lucas Rodriguez

Americans File Returns For Tax Day

It's a nice reminder that we're paying for everything the government is doing.


Maya Pasternak

Americans File Returns For Tax Day

God, why do I always put off filing my return until a reporter comes up to me on the street to ask about tax day?


Louisa Post

Comey Says Trump 'Morally Unfit' To Be President As Clash Escalates

In the latest barrage between the former FBI director and the White House, James Comey told ABC News that Trump was morally unfit to be president while Trump countered on Twitter that Comey had committed many crimes. What do you think?

If we're going to hold our leaders to impossible standards like 'morally fit,' we might as well give up now.


Graham O'Hara

What a dope! Now I don't have to read his book!


Ted Summers

It's a weird coincidence that he felt the need to get this off his chest just as his book is coming out.


Thomas Revord

Researchers Find New Malware Designed To Make ATMs Spit Out Cash

Researchers have found new malware that causes ATMs to spit out cash at speeds of $2,500 per minute in a phenomenon known as jackpotting—although they stress that it has likely not yet been used in the field. What do you think?

Ah, so this is why people studied computer science in college.


Vivianne Tannenbaum

Whoa. Someone had $2,500 in their account at one time?


Stan Middleton

Interesting. When I'm doing this, I usually just opt for a crowbar.


Shawn Mathers

Barbara Bush Dies At 92

Former First Lady Barbara Bush, mother to George W. Bush and wife to George H.W. Bush, passed away yesterday at the age of 92. What do you think?


Keith Patterson

Barbara Bush Dies At 92

At least she passed away comfortably knowing that Jeb would never be president.


Brenda Winters

Barbara Bush Dies At 92

Why do people always seem to eventually pass away after 90 or so years?


Darius Fincher

Kendrick Lamar Wins Historic Pulitzer Prize For 'DAMN.'

In the first such award bestowed on a work outside of jazz and classical music, the Pulitzer Prize in Music was given to Kendrick Lamar's album DAMN., which the board called a virtuosic song collection unified by its vernacular authenticity. What do you think?

This type of recognition from a major establishment is exactly what hip-hop is all about.


Nadeen Lambert

Whatever. I could win a Pulitzer, too, if I had Kendrick's talent and work ethic and vision.


Kevin Huntington

This really flies in the face of conventional wisdom that the best music in the world should be very long and boring.


Reynold Sathers

200 Million Eggs Recalled In U.S. After Dozens Become Ill

The FDA issued a recall of 207 million eggs from Rose Acre Farms after dozens of non-lethal illnesses led to fears that they may have been contaminated with salmonella. What do you think?

Rose Acre should have known better. People hate salmonella.


Tad Davis

Right when we thought we had this whole 'eggs' thing figured out.


Arnold Wilkins

Puerto Rico Hit By Island-Wide Blackout

Nearly seven months after Hurricane Maria, Puerto Rico has entirely lost power, with all 1.5 million electricity customers being plunged into darkness yet again. What do you think?

The board game industry must be cleaning up in Puerto Rico this year.


Stephen Petrachonis

Puerto Rico Hit By Island-Wide Blackout

I know how they feel. My internet's been kind of wonky the last few days.


Lily Clapper

Puerto Rico Hit By Island-Wide Blackout


Aaron Toback

North, South Korea In Talks To Announce End To 68-Year Korean War

An intelligence source revealed that an upcoming talk between Kim Jong-un and Moon Jae-in could result in the announcement of an end to the Korean War 68 years after the conflict began. What do you think?


Henrietta Gutierrez

I agree with a lot of things Kim Jong-un does, but I just can't support him on this.


Nathan Guttenberg

Woo! Harry S. Truman is going to be stoked!


Donald Reiss

Starbucks To Close 8,000 Stores For Racial Bias Training

After a wave of protests in response to the arrest of two black customers in a Philadelphia store, global coffee chain said they will close 8,000 stores on May 29 to give employees racial bias training. What do you think?

Wow, Starbucks employees get a 401(k), health coverage, and free racial bias training?


Tabitha Seidman

The black community has struggled for centuries to win a public-relations band-aid like this.


Nick White

Okay, but customers can still be racist, right?


Chandler Wilson

Schumer Introduces Measure To Decriminalize Marijuana

Chuck Schumer introduced legislation Friday to decriminalize marijuana, the first time that any party leader in Congress has endorsed rolling back such drug laws. What do you think?

Just another politician buckling under the pervasive influence of the American people.


Natalie Hart

I don't know. That will sure mean a lot of empty jail cells to fill.


Sam Christopherson

I just hope this measure passes before the end of my 13-year marijuana possession sentence!


Abraham Davis

Cuba Names New President To Succeed Raúl Castro

The Communist Party of Cuba formally announced the presidency's transition from Raúl Castro to 56-year-old Miguel Diaz-Canel, ending nearly 60 years of Castro family rule. What do you think?

Can you imagine an American family holding way too much power for far too long?


Celine Foster

Always nice to see a smooth transfer of power from dictator to dictator.


Tag O'Reilly

Swaziland Changes Name To eSwatini

King Mswati III has changed the name of Swaziland to the Kingdom of eSwatini, meaning place of the Swazi in the Swazi language. What do you think?


Sarah Meyers

Swaziland Changes Name To eSwatini


Chris Spector

Swaziland Changes Name To eSwatini


Christina Sexton

Sean Hannity Linked To Shell Corporation That Spent $90 Million On Properties

Fox News commentator Sean Hannity has been linked to a web of shell companies that used millions in HUD assistance to buy more than 870 homes—a relationship that Hannity never disclosed despite HUD Director Ben Carson's recent appearance on his show. What do you think?

How many times does he have to explain? He's not a journalist so nothing he does is wrong.


Theo Mankowitz

He could face some serious backlash if his audience ever somehow heard about this.


Jordan Thompson

Hannity is just pursuing the humble American dream of owning tens of millions of dollars in property through various shell corporations.


Sarah Tippett

The Handmaid's Tale' To Return With Season 2 Today

Emmy-winning drama The Handmaid's Tale returns to Hulu for a second season today, charting a fictional descent into dystopian sexism in the wake of the real-world #MeToo movement and rise of authoritarianism. What do you think?

What's amazing is that Margaret Atwood wrote the book before sexism even existed.


Greg Hammond

Man, I already have so many bleak and horrifying shows to catch up on first.


Alastair Popova

That show serves as a powerful reminder that Hulu is serious about getting into original content.


Doug Hennessey

Last Person Born In 19th Century Dies

Nabi Tajima has passed away in Araki, Japan at the age of 117. Born on April 4, 1900, she was the last known person to be born in the 19th Century (which technically ended on January 1, 1901). What do you think?

Can you tell me how she lived that long? I'd like to avoid making the same mistake.


Serena Reyes

Last Person Born In 19th Century Dies


Mitchell Barnes

Last Person Born In 19th Century Dies

We're that much closer to everyone from the 20th being dead, and then we can really make progress.


Justin Thomas

Federal Judge Orders Trump To Accept DACA Applications

A federal judge ruled Tuesday that the protections of DACA must stay in place and that the government must resume accepting new applications, stressing that Trump's decision to end the program was virtually unexplained. What do you think?

This whole needing a legal basis for his actions could really slow down the president's agenda.


Nicholas Bigsby

Is this something that could perhaps be resolved with a quick firing?


Felicia Whitmore

Man, judges always want a reason for everything.


Sharon Smith

National Debt To Rise To $29 Trillion By 2020

On the heels of the recent $1.3 trillion spending bill passed by Congress, the CBO released a new 10-year forecast showing the national debt ballooning to $29 trillion by the end of the decade. What do you think?

Thank God we have a President who's experienced with horrific, insurmountable debt.


Cillian Olds

I can pitch in a few bucks when I get paid on Thursday.


Devin Wilder

Bill Cosby Convicted Of Sexual Assault

Bill Cosby has been convicted of drugging and sexually assaulting a former Temple University employee, with the 80-year-old receiving three 10-year charges for the incident. What do you think?

I can't even imagine how hard it's going to be for those poor women to compartmentalize the man from his work.


Sasha Matheson

Bill Cosby Convicted Of Sexual Assault

This is proof that the justice system kind of eventually works.


Greg Osteen

Bill Cosby Convicted Of Sexual Assault

It's hard to believe, but I guess he really did assault that one woman.


Harold Brent

Lyft Says It Will Make Every Ride Carbon Neutral

Ride-sharing company Lyft has pledged to fight climate change by investing millions to fund projects offsetting the carbon produced by their drivers. What do you think?

I'm tired of people limiting the impact I can have with my carbon.


Douglas Glass

I dunno, man, I produce a lot of carbon.


Karyn Meehan

Lofty goals from a company that can't spell lift!


Michelle O'Hara

Cofounder of Burning Man Dead At 70

Larry Harvey, the guru-like cofounder of Burning Man, has died at the age of 70, leaving behind an anti-establishment legacy embodied in the festival's spirit. What do you think?

Truly one of our nation's great names in effigy burning.


Gavin Struthers

Cofounder of Burning Man Dead At 70

I hope the next festival isn't a chaotic, unfocused mess because of this.


Stephen Papanicolau

Cofounder of Burning Man Dead At 70

Ugh, this probably makes me the oldest dude around this year.


Joel Branson

Amazon To Now Deliver Packages Into Car Trunks

Amazon announced a new service that gives its couriers access to a person's vehicle to leave package deliveries by using the connected technologies embedded in many modern vehicles. What do you think?

Now this is just the right amount of invasive.


Patrick Prichard

So I'm supposed to trust a courier to open up my trunk and not steal my windshield wiper fluid?


Natalie Medley

Nobody should have to confront the wasteland that is my trunk.


Ryan Thackeray

North Korea Says it Will Denuclearize If U.S. Pledges Not To Invade

In a meeting with the South Korean president, Kim Jong-un said he would abandon his nuclear weapons if the U.S. pledged not to invade North Korea. What do you think?

That's too bad, a lot of people worked hard on those weapons.


Margo Pierce

They can't possibly expect us to adhere to such harsh, rigid standards!


Phillip Adams

We're already not invading them. It's his move.


Kyle Cheney

GQ' Calls The Bible Foolish And Not Worth Reading

Men's fashion magazine GQ has incurred the wrath of Christians by including the Bible in an article titled 21 Books You Don't Have To Read, which also featured such classics as The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn and The Lord of the Rings. What do you think?

Yeah, it gets pretty boring after God creates everything.


Peter Wachowski

I agree. It's basically just a rehash of The Chronicles of Narnia.


Sandra Cooper

Oh, yeah you don't read it, you just quote the parts relevant to your argument.


Seth Nichols

Study Finds Human Bones Make Great Daggers

A study by the journal Royal Society Open Science found that human bones—such as those used as tools by the people of New Guinea—make the best bone daggers, saying they are formidable, fierce-looking, and beautiful. What do you think?

I can tell you from experience that the court system doesn't care how great your dagger is.


Matthew Tracy

I'm more of a stainless-steel guy myself.


Paula Buntz

Ah, damnit, we just put Mom into the ground.


Matthew Sellers

Facebook Announces Dating Service

Mark Zuckerberg announced plans to add a Tinder-style dating service to its mobile app later this year, noting that it would be completely optional and that a user's friends would not see their dating profile. What do you think?

Finally, a solution for the loneliness I feel from using Facebook!


Cynthia Johnson

Facebook Announces Dating Service

Nice. It's about time someone made a hookup app for the elderly.


Nigel Williams

Facebook Announces Dating Service

My one complaint about Tinder has always been that it didn't use enough of my personal data.


Ogden Moore

Kanye West Says Slavery Was A Choice

In a TMZ interview with the controversial rapper, Kanye West revealed that he believes slavery was a choice, telling his interviewer, when you hear about slavery for 400 years...for 400 years? That sounds like a choice. What do you think?

I'm confused, didn't we already decide not to take anything Kanye says seriously 15 years ago?


Peter Sampson

Kanye West Says Slavery Was A Choice

Well, you learn something new every day.


Sasha Gregory

Kanye West Says Slavery Was A Choice

Huh! I wonder why so few people choose to be slaves nowadays.


Alicia Connors

Guitar Maker Gibson Files For Bankruptcy

Legendary guitar maker Gibson, whose brands include Les Paul and SG, filed for bankruptcy due to its $500 million debt in the hopes of refocusing on its core guitar-making business. What do you think?


Elliott Cantrell

Looks like people finally caught on that you can make some pretty cool guitar noises with your mouth.


Adam North

Stephen Hawking's Final Paper Published

Stephen Hawking's final paper A Smooth Exit From Eternal Inflation? was recently published in the Journal of High Energy Physics, detailing the nature of the cosmos and the immediate consequence of the big bang. What do you think?

I liked the guy, but man, talk about one-note.


Carrie White

Stephen Hawking's Final Paper Published

There must be some pretty juicy stuff in here if they waited until he was dead to release it.


Kirk Aksoy

Stephen Hawking's Final Paper Published

The real fans know it's all been downhill since 'The Gravitational Hamiltonian In The Presence Of Nonorthogonal Boundaries.'


Vivianne Marx

Bloomberg Pledges $4.5 Million To Meet U.S. Commitment To Paris Accord

After the president's withdrawal from the climate pact, former New York City mayor Michael Bloomberg pledged $4.5 million to meet America's commitment to the Paris accord. What do you think?

Everything will be fine as long as we have one or two billionaires looking after us.


Sean McDonagh

Who says a plutocracy can't be progressive?


Warren Buffett

Whew, I thought I was going to have to pony up.


Pat Sanders

U.S. Customs Agents Finds Unconscious Tiger In Duffle Bag

While stationed at the Mexico border, U.S. Customs agents discovered an unconscious 3-month-old tiger left inside a black duffel bag dropped by three fleeing smugglers. What do you think?

Soon, this tiger will be behind bars where it belongs.


Lily O'Hara

Tough luck for the smugglers losing a tiger and a duffel bag in one day.


Sally Hammond

Democrats Lose Ground With Millennials

A Reuter/Ipsos poll found support for Democrats dropping by 9 percent to 46 percent among millennials, although this remains far above the 28 percent of millennials who support Republicans. What do you think?

Who would've thought that appealing exclusively to middle-aged white people wouldn't work?


Hubert Wales

Democrats Lose Ground With Millennials

Nothing a toxic, combative primary can't solve.


Kenny Garczynski

Democrats Lose Ground With Millennials

If we learned anything from the 2016 election, it's that Democrats can afford to lose a chunk of their base.


Stephanie Landrey

Bill Gates Pledges $12 Million For Universal Flu Vaccine

Bill Gates has pledged $12 million to develop a universal flu vaccine and potentially help save 30 million individuals at risk from influenza. What do you think?

This more than makes up for Windows Vista.


Augustus Wright

So I'm going to be saddled with my grandparents for how long?


Simon Patricks

Why can't he just build a rocket like a normal billionaire?


Lucretia Ashby

Diseases Spread By Ticks, Mosquitoes Tripled Since 2004

A Centers for Disease Control report found that contagions such as Lyme Disease and Zika have rapidly increased since 2004 with more than 640,000 Americans infected between then and 2016. What do you think?

The CDC can report whatever they like—I'm not wearing sleeves.


Gregory Andrews

There's never been a better time to be a blood-sucking parasite!


Hal Peck

Has anyone tried just getting the bugs to spread cures to these diseases?


Patrice Wlikerson

Ken Jeong Uses Medical Training To Rescue Audience Member

During a recent stand-up set in Phoenix, AZ, actor Ken Jeong used medical training from his earlier career as a physician to help an audience member having a seizure. What do you think?

That's so sad—no one should have to suffer through hours of stand-up just for access to healthcare.


Arnold Kennedy

That guy was a plant. I saw him do the same thing in Toledo.


Nichole Sathers

Seems unfair to all those people who paid to see a comedy show.


Sandra Benjamin

Trump Withdraws From Iran Deal

President Trump announced Tuesday that he plans to withdraw from the Iran nuclear deal, unraveling the Obama administration's foreign policy achievement and leaving the United States at odds with its allies in dealing with the Iranians. What do you think?

That'll show Iran to keep to the terms of an agreement with the United States.


Harry Summers

Trump Withdraws From Iran Deal

I'm sure we can still find some sort of peaceful resolution to the dismantling of this peaceful resolution.


Chad Sanders

Trump Withdraws From Iran Deal

I hope this doesn't bruise relations between the Trump administration and the Arab world.


Nichole Struthers

Melania Trump Unveils 'Be Best' Childhood Initiative

First Lady Melania Trump unveiled her new Be Best initiative aimed at improving the wellbeing of U.S. children by tackling opioid abuse, cyber-bullying, and mental health issues. What do you think?

Maybe she should take another 16 months to think of something else.


Brett Bennett

It's going to take a lot for our country to live up to the high standards of Melania and her family.


Nancy Waits

Israel Offends Japanese Prime Minister By Serving Dessert In Shoe

Israel caused offense when it served Japanese Prime Minister Shinzo Abe chocolate pralines in a model man's shoe at a diplomatic dinner, failing to take into account the lowly role shoes play in Japanese culture. What do you think?

Weird how a mundane, normal custom like eating from a shoe can seem so strange to another culture.


Peter Sanderson

If he really isn't going to eat those shoe chocolates, I'll take them.


Scott Duritz

Then what the hell do the Japanese serve chocolate pralines in?


Charlie Bryson

Christiane Amanpour To Replace Charlie Rose On PBS

Following numerous sexual-misconduct allegations against Charlies Rose, PBS announced Christiane Amanpour will launch her new hour-long public affairs program Amanpour & Company. What do you think?

I'm all for firing creeps, but elevating women to replace them seems like overkill.


Samantha Immerglück

It's about time a woman is given such a high-profile spot at 11 p.m. on PBS.


Tad Revord

Is there a way to support the cause without having to watch PBS?


Jack Smith

Americans Get Ready For Mother's Day

Across the nation, Americans are getting ready to celebrate their moms this Sunday. What do you plan for Mother's Day?

Whatever mom wants! If that means a quick phone call, she knows how to reach me.


Cleveland Rice

Americans Get Ready For Mother's Day

I'm going to take her out to an amazing dinner that I'll ask her to pay for.


Loretta Summers

Americans Get Ready For Mother's Day

I figure I'll just keep searching for her.


Cara Adams

Frightened Rabbit Singer Scott Hutchison Dead At 36

Lead singer of Scottish rock band Frightened Rabbit Scott Hutchison has died in an apparent suicide at the age of 36, leaving behind a legacy of speaking out on mental health awareness with songs such as Swim Until You Can't See Land, The Modern Leper, and Keep Yourself Warm. What do you think?

That's too bad. I knew a great Scottish indie rock band that might've helped him through his depression.


Teddy Campbell

Oh jeez—I wish I could give you some sort of punchy quote here, but I'm a huge fan, and this news kind of knocked the wind out of me.


Gregory Pinter

I just hope that this sad episode leads to a public conversation about Frightened Rabbit's discography.


Roland Duluth

Trump Announces North Korea Summit Will Be In Singapore

President Donald Trump announced he will meet with North Korean leader Kim Jong-un in Singapore on June 12. What do you think?

Huh, I didn't know he had a hotel there.


Kevin White

It's always good to meet in public so no one causes a scene.


Danica Hart

No way! I'm gonna be in Singapore that week, too! Where are they staying?


Sarah Peterson

Riders Spend 2 Hours Trapped On Highest Part Of Roller Coaster

Thirty-two riders at Universal Studios Japan spent two hours stuck atop a 98-foot-tall hill after a malfunction on the Jurassic Park-themed Flying Dinosaur prevented the ride from continuing. What do you think?

Just what the Jurassic Park films warned us about.


Jeremy Locke

I don't think I could handle waving my arms in the air that long.


Jonathan White

Interestingly, I do my best thinking hanging upside-down for two hours on a stalled roller coaster.


Patty Mulligan

Supreme Court Rules In Favor Of Sports Betting

The Supreme Court ruled 7-2 that a federal law that has effectively prohibited sports betting outside Nevada is unconstitutional. What do you think?

Sorry, but legal betting just doesn't have the same thrill.


Arnold Helmz

Thank God I never have to go back to Nevada.


Samuel Wright

Now my hours spent weekly in front of sports television will truly mean something.


Monra Robrecht

Spotify Removes R. Kelly From Promotions As Part Of Anti-Hate Policy

Spotify announced that it will no longer promote the R&B singer's music on its editorial or algorithmic playlists in accordance with its public hate content and hateful conduct policy. What do you think?

Now if you want to listen to him, you'll have to look him up and everything!


Wolfgang Peters

I'm sure R. Kelly would be upset about this if he weren't so busy tending to his sex cult.


Greg Swill

Damn, that's extreme. Couldn't they instead just have put him in prison a few years?


Douglas Wendt

Australian 'Man With The Golden Arm' Retires After Saving 2.4 Million Babies

An Australian blood donor who has saved 2.4 million lives with 1,172 donations of his rare antibody-containing plasma has retired from giving blood after turning 81—the legal limit in Australia. What do you think?

I'll always have tremendous respect for people who are able to bleed this profusely.


Candice McCarthy

That's too bad. I hear after 2.5 million babies they give you a T-shirt.


Stan Sathers

Psht—I'm always handing out bags of my blood to children I see and nobody calls me a hero.


Bradley Darlington

Chocolate Spill Covers Highway In Poland

Tons of liquid chocolate is now hardening on a Polish highway after a delivery truck overturned, creating traffic jams and headaches for cleanup crews. What do you think?

I can imagine that being an inconvenience for people who don't eat street chocolate.


Jim Struthers

Yes, yes, everything is proceeding according to plan.


Kevin Michaels

Kim Jong-Un Threatens To Pull Out Of Nuclear Summit

North Korea threatened to cancel President Trump's upcoming nuclear summit with Kim Jong-un Wednesday following a U.S. military drill, though the United States downplayed the likelihood of a cancellation. What do you think?

Well, if it doesn't work out, there's always nuclear war.


Alicia Bleszinski

If only there was some way to find peace without upholding our end of the bargain.


Tucker Harris

When I don't want to meet up, I just fake a sore throat.


Liz Pryderi

Wisconsin Man Eats 30,000th Big Mac, Breaking World Record

Longtime McDonald's fan Don Gorske entered the Guinness Book Of World Records after eating his 30,000th Big Mac, calling the hamburger sandwich the best food I've ever had. What do you think?

Wait, are we supposed to be publicizing the amount of times we go to McDonald's?


Harold Scott

For me, eating Big Macs was never about the fame.


Linda Waites

Backstreet Boys Release First Single Since 2013

This week, pop band Backstreet Boys released Don't Go Breaking My Heart, their first single in five years, alongside a music video in which they dance with a female hologram. What do you think?

Wow. Fourth grade me is totally ecstatic but fifth grade me is way more into NSYNC.


Perry Colmes

If it took five years to make, then it must be really good.


Lilian Baker

Bill Gates: 'Trump Twice Asked Me About The Difference Between HIV And HPV'

Bill Gates revealed that President Trump asked him on two separate occasions if there was any difference between HIV—short for human immunodeficiency virus—and HPV—the human papillomavirus—two viruses that have very little to do with each other outside of their similar acronyms. What do you think?

As president, it's up to him to ask the difficult questions.


Henry Stephenson

Damn. Now I have to think of a different question I'd ask Bill Gates if I ever met him.


Chet Favreau

While we're at it, I've never been clear what HOV means.


Larry Bogdanovich

14th Severed Foot Washes Ashore In Pacific Northwest

A lone right foot wearing a hiking boot washed ashore in the Pacific Northwest, making it the 14th such severed foot in the past decade. What do you think?


Sarah Street

I just don't understand why anyone would put a severed foot inside a perfectly good shoe.


Carry White

Alright, I'll ask around to see if anyone's missing a foot.


Sarah Homes

Bernie Sanders Announces He Will Seek Reelection

Vermont Senator Bernie Sanders announced he will run for re-election as an independent on a platform that will include a $15 national minimum wage, Medicare for all, and free tuition at public universities. What do you think?

I'll clear some room on the back of my car for more stickers.


Perry White

What Bernie Sanders fails to understand about politics is that his demands for economic equality make me personally uncomfortable.


Arnold Guttenberg

I just don't know that Vermont is ready for such a left-leaning incumbent.


Nancy White

Elon Musk Promises $1 Rides In L.A. Transit Tunnels

Boring Company founder Elon Musk revealed this week that rides in the 60-mile planned system of tunnels currently being dug underground will cost $1 for commuters and will be free for a period when their first 2.6 mile segment is open. What do you think?

All that's left now is to design, build, and operate the tunnels.


Bernie Holtz

You have to respect a man who refuses to start profitable companies.


Vijay Nolan

Another out-of-touch billionaire with no sense of what everyday people can actually afford.


Frank Studdard

Trump Casts Doubt On North Korea Summit

President Trump told reporters in the Oval Office that there was a very substantial chance that the summit with North Korea would not work out in June, but noted it may still occur at a later date. What do you think?

If I've learned anything from Trump, it's that almost accomplishing something is just as good as doing it.


Stacy O'Halligan

Trump Casts Doubt On North Korea Summit

It'd be a shame if it doesn't work out and we all die.


Gary Smiley

Trump Casts Doubt On North Korea Summit

I understand. Once you're married with kids, getting away for a guy's weekend becomes nearly impossible.


Aaron West

Obamas Sign Deal To Produce Netflix Shows, Movies

Former presidential couple Barack and Michelle Obama announced a production deal with Netflix in which they will produce television shows and films for the streaming service. What do you think?

I was worried American politics had changed forever, but I'm glad to see ex-presidents can still make ludicrous amounts of money.


Greg Shure

Good for them! FDR only got a radio show.


Tatiana Allman

When the world around me is sliding into oblivion, I usually turn to Netflix as well.


Sarah Winkler

Sinkhole Opens In White House Lawn

A sinkhole spotted roped-off on the White House's North Lawn appears to be growing larger daily, journalists say. What do you think?


Nathan Medley

Sinkhole Opens In White House Lawn

I had no idea the Deep State was this powerful.


Keith Deeran

Sinkhole Opens In White House Lawn

Which person in the administration was trying to tunnel out?


Kris Janning

New NFL Policy Requires Players To Either Stand For National Anthem Or Stay In Locker Room

A recently passed NFL policy will require players to cease kneeling on the field, forcing them to either stand for the national anthem or stay in the locker room, an option that had previously not been available. What do you think?

What these players have to remember is that when they step on the field, they leave all their fundamental rights behind.


Natasha Anderson

I don't see how this addresses the problem of players still having independent thoughts and opinions.


Sloan Bismark

Jared Kushner's Security Clearance Restored

White House senior advisor Jared Kushner had his security clearance restored after temporarily losing it amid the uncertainty of the special counsel's ongoing investigation. What do you think?

I know I feel safer already knowing he is back at the helm.


Brandon Petroff

Great news for America's favorite son-in-law!


James Bernal

Finally, the normal White House dysfunction can resume.


Samantha Cadbury

Trump Cancels Meeting With North Korea

President Trump pulled out of a planned June meeting with North Korea in a letter citing hostility displayed in a recent statement, apparently alluding to a North Korean official mocking Vice President Mike Pence. What do you think?

When it comes to high-stakes international diplomacy, the important thing is that you tried.


Lester Fiedler

Trump Cancels Meeting With North Korea

Eh, mutually assured destruction seems to be doing its job so far.


Alfred Blake

Trump Cancels Meeting With North Korea

If we all die over this, at least we died defending Mike Pence's honor.


Nichole D'Angelo

JetBlue Subsidiary Becomes First Customer Of Hybrid-Electric Planes

A JetBlue affiliate that offers private jet flights has signed up to buy up to 100 hybrid-electric planes produced by startup Zunum Aero. What do you think?

Finally, something new for wealthy people.


Doug Sarandon

Sorry, but when I'm flying in a private jet, the last thing I want to think about is the stupid environment.


Alasdair Malkmus

This seems like something JetBlue would do, based on what they've chosen to make me believe their corporate values are.


Sarah Stockton

James Cameron Warns Great Barrier Reef Will Die Without Intervention

Director James Cameron, known for films such as Terminator and Avatar, has warned that climate change will destroy the Great Barrier Reef unless humanity takes immediate action. What do you think?

Let's see what J.J. Abrams has to say before we jump to any conclusions.


Todd Peterson

This is why we should dump our toxic waste on land.


Eric Henney

We'd better listen. This guy has made movies set in the ocean.


Alisdair Fry

Spider-Man' Malian Migrant Granted French Citizenship After Saving Baby From Balcony

Twenty-two-year-old Malian migrant Mamoudou Gassama—nicknamed Spider-Man for courageously scaling an apartment building and rescuing an infant—has been made a French citizen and offered a job by the city fire department. What do you think?

Is that all it takes to get citizenship these days?


Manuel Gonzalez

All I see is an immigrant stealing a French native citizen's opportunity to be a hero.


Karyn Landry

You'd really think an act of bravery like this would deserve something a little better than French citizenship.


Sam Niebuhr

ABC Cancels 'Roseanne' Reboot

After a racist tweet posted by creator Roseanne Barr, ABC has canceled plans for a second season of highly watched sitcom Roseanne. What do you think?

Oh, no! Are there any other shows on television?


Douglas McCrae

ABC Cancels 'Roseanne' Reboot

Look, it's one thing to declare these sorts of racist thoughts in past interviews, personal blogs, and other tweets, but it's really going too far when you do it recently.


Kevin Hendricks

ABC Cancels 'Roseanne' Reboot

But what about other celebrities who say bad things? Am I right?


Patricia McQuary

Air Force Uncovers LSD Use Among Airmen Guarding Nuclear Missiles

U.S. Air Force airmen at a base that guards nuclear missiles have been linked to a drug ring that uses LSD as well as ecstasy, cocaine, and marijuana. What do you think?

The last thing we want is some total square with their finger on the button.


Brett Siegel

Guarding the nuclear arsenal should be its own high.


Theodore Smalls

You have to admit, a mushroom cloud would look amazing at the peak of a trip.


Topher Williams

New Stephen King Book Mocks Stanley Kubrick's 'The Shining' Adaptation

Stephen King—long known for his disdain of Stanley Kubrick's adaptation of The Shining—reportedly criticizes the director in his new novel, The Outsiders, with a character watching the film Paths of Glory and noting it is at least better than The Shining. What do you think?

I'd be pissed, too, if someone took some silly thing I wrote and turned it into a masterpiece.