Jake Aquino

Justin Bieber, Ariana Grande Deny Claim They Bought No. 1 Billboard Spot

Rapper Tekashi 6ix9ine accused Justin Bieber and Ariana Grande of using fraudulent means to bump their duet Stuck With U to number one on the Billboard Hot 100 ahead of his song Gooba, a claim both the artists and magazine deny. What do you think?

What's the point of having tons of money if you can't treat yourself to a number-one song every now and then?


Claudia Ewell

They should've just bought a cheap #92 spot and let it grow over time.


Brian Shelton

Certainly that's the only way they could be more popular than a man convicted of child sex crimes.


Beth Shipka

Coronavirus Forces Ford Plants To Temporarily Close Days After Reopening

Two Ford plants were briefly closed Wednesday after employees tested positive for Covid-19 just two days after production resumed following a two-month shutdown due to the pandemic, highlighting how the virus could impede a return to normal operations. What do you think?

What kind of idiot gets coronavirus at a time like this?


Zack Chrysan

Surely that's enough time to make at least a couple of cars.


Brock Carbonneau

This whole thing could've been avoided if Ford had simply moved these jobs overseas.


Omar Lockwood

Judge Rules Salvage Company Can Cut Into Titanic Wreck

An underwater salvage firm has been granted permission to cut into the Titanic to remove the ship's telegraph machine, though several groups including the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration argue the wreckage is a grave site and should not be disturbed. What do you think?

But you're allowed to take anything you want from a car crash? How is that fair?


Sheldon Whitmore

If this is true, then what the fuck did I just pay $2 million for at Sotheby's?


Kiera Woodle

Everyone is obsessed with the ocean. Can't we poke around in the clouds for once?


Murray Drake

Lori Loughlin, Mossimo Giannulli Plead Guilty In College Admissions Scandal

Actress Lori Loughlin and her husband, fashion designer Mossimo Giannulli, will plead guilty to conspiracy charges for their role in the 2019 college admissions scandal, with the couple facing between two to five months in jail and nearly $300,000 in fines between them. What do you think?

People like Loughlin are why my daughter didn't get into USC. That and her shitty grades.


Arthur Gan

Maybe next time they'll play it straight and have a campus library named after them.


Gladys Westmore

Does being rich and beautiful mean nothing these days?


Wally Alleborn

CDC Issues Safety Guidelines For Pools, Water Parks, Hot Tubs

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention have released new guidelines for public pools and aquatic centers set to reopen this summer, urging employees and guests to wear masks and maintain social distancing both in and out of the water. What do you think?

Oh crap, I didn't realize the virus can swim.


Natasha Conger

I bought a skimpy little face mask that will hopefully cut down on unsightly tan lines.


Elliott Forbstein

Okay, but are we still allowed to drown?


Eugene Vergara

Trump Claims To Have Stopped Taking Hydroxychloroquine

In an interview this past Sunday, President Trump claimed he has completed a regimen of hydroxychloroquine, an anti-malarial drug being touted as a possible Covid-19 treatment that researchers say increases the risk of potentially fatal heart arrhythmias in patients. What do you think?

Taking part in drug trials is a good way to make some extra cash.


Christian Caudill

Well, I never believed he'd started taking it, so good luck getting me to believe he's stopped.


Greta Mayers

There's not really any reason to take it now that coronavirus is gone.


Caroline Ashwood

CDC Warns Of Aggressive Rats Scavenging For Food

According to the CDC, rats that normally feed on restaurant scraps are struggling to find new food sources as the pandemic keeps businesses locked down, causing the animals to become abnormally aggressive and, in some cases, resort to cannibalism and infanticide. What do you think?

To be honest, this sounds like more of a concern for the rats.


Rich Abrew

We should all seek creative solutions to our problems in these trying times.


Harvey Black

Sounds like nothing releasing thousands of snakes couldn't fix.


Lyle Hodges

Twitter Refuses To Remove Trump Tweets About Scarborough Conspiracy Theory

Twitter confirmed it will not remove President Trump's tweets regarding a debunked conspiracy theory that TV host Joe Scarborough murdered a woman in 2001, saying the posts do not violate the company's terms of service despite an open letter from the woman's widower claiming regular users would be banned for similar tweets. What do you think?

And yet I got banned for tweeting 'eat shit' at Wheat Thins.


Brett Gangle

Everyone knows Instagram is a much better platform for accusing someone of murder.


Bianca Nowicki

It's not like Twitter can police every tweet from some random wacko.


Aaron Dilbeck

Mike Tyson Offered $20 Million To Compete In Fight

Bare Knuckle Fighting Championship is preparing to offer Mike Tyson over $20 million to come out of retirement for a single match, though the 53-year-old former heavyweight champion has yet to agree. What do you think?

That money would be better spent on an up-and-coming has-been.


Amanda Hecht

My dad came out of retirement to drive for Uber, so we all have our price.


Shane Smiley

Oh jeez, what's he fighting about this time?


Debbie Lippin

Historic SpaceX Launch Postponed

A SpaceX mission to send two NASA astronauts to the International Space Station, which will mark the first time a private enterprise has launched humans into space, has been postponed due to thunderstorms. What do you think?

Space is huge. I'm sure they could have found a part of it without thunderstorms.


Ray Maldonado

Historic SpaceX Launch Postponed

What's the point of being a billionaire if you can't even control the weather?


Ollie Holmes

Historic SpaceX Launch Postponed

Man, it must be such a nightmare to try and find another day that works for both astronauts.


Mary Valen

Covid-19 Antibody Tests May Be Wrong 50% Of The Time

The CDC announced that antibody tests meant to detect whether a person has been infected with the coronavirus may provide inaccurate results roughly half the time they are administered and should not be used to make policy decisions. What do you think?

Getting only half of the virus information right seems consistent with the response so far.


Ross Lemonnier

They really need to come out with a test that's either 100% accurate or 100% inaccurate.


Horace Tramer

I've always thought we focused too much on testing in this country anyway.


Spencer Engell

Archaeologists Discover Perfectly Preserved Roman Mosaic Floor

Archaeologists working near Verona, Italy have unearthed the foundation of a 3rd century Roman villa containing a pristine mosaic floor filled with complex patterns formed from bright, colorful tiles. What do you think?

How exciting! This is definite proof that the past had colors.


Don Garmen

Archaeologists in the future are going to be really disappointed when they find my warped and scratched hardwood.


Anna Kasten

Perhaps this discovery will help shed light on the mysterious life of floors.


Holly Pender

Minneapolis, New York City Bus Drivers Refuse To Help Police Transport Protestors

Transit worker unions in both Minneapolis and New York City announced this weekend that they stand in solidarity with protestors and will not allow the police to use buses to carry arrested citizens to jail or drive officers to protest locations. What do you think?

Take it from me, bus drivers absolutely hate it when you try to commandeer the bus.


Eduardo Camacho

I just don't understand why they would refuse to do a job they didn't sign up for.


Nate Barrie

Shoot, well, would the pilot union be willing to fly them to jail?


Rene Graham

Trump Claims U.S. Will Designate Antifa A Terrorist Organization

Though he lacks the legal authority to do so, President Trump tweeted on Sunday that he will order the government to label antifa a terrorist group, a move that would face First Amendment challenges in court. What do you think?

Bummer for the KKK. They've spent decades committing actual terror and can't get that designation.


Judah Bustillos

Oh, and I suppose you have legal authority for every declaration you make?


Miles Sims

Whichever country antifa is from is about to get wrecked! USA! USA!


Marsha Warburton

Cities Nationwide Placed Under Curfews

Dozens of cities from major metropolitan areas like New York and Los Angeles to smaller population centers like Davenport, Iowa have been placed under curfew as the country enters a second week of protests against police brutality kicked off by the murder of George Floyd. What do you think?


Cory Serrao

Cities Nationwide Placed Under Curfews

A few weeks ago, I was completely against the state restricting freedom, but my views have evolved.


Mack Rudell

Cities Nationwide Placed Under Curfews

Why would anyone be in a city after 5 p.m. anyways? Don't they go home?


Joe Hardie

Facebook Employees Stage Virtual Walkout

Angered by Mark Zuckerberg's decision not to fact check or remove President Trump's false and inflammatory posts this week, Facebook employees who are currently working from home staged a virtual walkout and signed petitions urging the CEO to take action. What do you think?

Finally, someone has figured out how to hold a walkout without having to do any walking.


Dana Hatcher

How are we supposed to know who to believe when everyone involved works at Facebook?


Rico Brownlee

Oh dear, hopefully there's no way for Facebook to track and fire the employees who participated.


Dean Blanchard

Americans Buying More Frozen Foods During Pandemic

Sales of frozen food items are up 40.2% and freezer sales skyrocketed 195% compared to this time a year ago as coronavirus keeps restaurants closed and Americans homebound. What do you think?

I ran a Hungry Man household before the pandemic, and it'll be a Hungry Man household after the pandemic.


Elizabeth Kartman

It was only a matter of time before Americans started indulging in unhealthy eating habits.


Rick Henley

It's always better to have way too many chicken pot pies than not enough.


Filip Basulto

Jay-Z Takes Out Full-Page Ad To Honor George Floyd

Jay-Z has taken out a full-page ad to run across several major newspapers this week featuring part of a speech from Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. and signed by families of police violence victims, activists, attorneys, and celebrities to honor the life of George Floyd. What do you think?

Sure, what the police did was bad. I'm just not sure doing anything about it is the answer.


Lisa Emmerich

Quite the departure from Jay-Z's typically easygoing relationship with the police.


Gil Toback

Minnesota Launches Civil Rights Probe Against Minneapolis PD

The Minnesota Department of Human Rights has filed a civil rights charge against the Minneapolis Police Department to investigate systemic discriminatory practices over the last decade, a move welcomed by local lawmakers who say police oversight has been constrained by state law. What do you think?

I'm concerned that this will only lead to copycat investigations in other states.


Alexa Newsome

Civil rights? Like the thing from the '60s?


Nathan Freesh

So what I'm hearing is that I can skip the protest tonight?


Cliff Linde

Snapchat To Stop Promoting Trump's Account

Citing the decision not to amplify voices that incite racial violence and injustice, mobile messaging app Snapchat announced it will no longer promote President Trump's account on its Discover feature, which highlights content from celebrities and news organizations. What do you think?

Guess I'll just have to get my Trump updates anywhere else.


Shannon Hutniak

Sorry, if you're still on Snapchat, you deserve garbage content.


Bernadette Price

Richmond, Virginia Mayor Issues Ordinance To Remove Confederate Statues

Mayor Levar Stoney announced plans to remove all city-controlled Confederate statues from Monument Avenue, saying Richmond is no longer the capital of the Confederacy—it is filled with diversity and love for all—and we need to demonstrate that. What do you think?

Richmond is still the capital of Genworth Financial, though, right?


Guy Cochrane

It's nice to see such a quick response to an issue that's been plaguing Richmond for 130 years.


Todd Yanko

This is a far more effective strategy than asking the statues to leave.


Jameson Snyder

General Mattis Condemns Trump As Threat To Constitution

Former Defense Secretary General James Mattis penned a critique of the president this week saying Donald Trump has abused his executive authority and seeks to divide Americans rather than unite them. What do you think?

I personally think our president is doing an excellent job threatening the constitution.


Carter Goldman

It's a shame he never had the power to do something about it.


Samantha Frazier

Oh, please. Just some more liberal virtue signaling of another SJW four-star general.


Joseph Brame

Youtube Star Jake Paul Charged With Trespassing

Social media influencer Jake Paul was charged with misdemeanor criminal trespass and unlawful assembly after video footage showed him present inside an Arizona mall as it was looted, though Paul says he did not take anything and was only observing. What do you think?

Who amongst us can honestly say they would be able to resist the temptation of Scottsdale's Fashion Square?


Verne Lafferty

Huh, I guess talentless millionaires can be flawed individuals, too.


Joanie Young

I'm grateful to Jake Paul for lending his voice to a movement so in need of zany commentary.


Reese Giammaria

Poll Finds Two-Thirds Of Americans Think Trump Has Made Racial Tensions Worse

As the nation enters week three of protests against police brutality sparked by the death of George Floyd, 67% of Americans say President Trump has increased racial tensions and 62% agree the demonstrations are lawful, according to a Marist poll. What do you think?

I'm just glad the protests haven't hurt America's fragile polling industry.


Trevor Starobin

As someone who has been advocating for racial equality for nearly two full weeks now, I'm horrified.


Orville Perkel

Elmer Fudd, Yosemite Sam Will Not Have Guns In 'Looney Tunes' Reboot

Producers for HBO Max's new Looney Tunes say the show will not include guns and that Elmer Fudd will hunt Bugs Bunny with a scythe, though the series will still feature other forms of cartoon violence such as explosives and other Acme products. What do you think?

Those producers better be ready to answer for the surge in scythe-related violence this will ultimately inspire.


Andrew Morro

That's smart. Statistically, cartoon hunters with guns end up hurting themselves 100% of the time.


Brianna Cimini

I'll miss Elmer Fudd's rifle, but I agree there are plenty of other funny ways to murder someone.


Camille Stout

U.S. Economy Officially Entered Recession In February

According to the National Bureau of Economic Research, the United States officially entered a recession in February after coronavirus outbreaks shuttered businesses across the country, ending 11 years of growth. What do you think?

Personally, I think this whole 'economy' thing is a hoax.


Dave Masline

Jeez, there just doesn't seem to be any upsides to this global pandemic.


Eli Carnahan

That explains my loss of income and general will to live.


Scott Hundley

U.K. Demonstrators Tear Down Statue Of Slave Trader

Protesters in Bristol toppled a statue of 17th-century slave trader Edward Colston on Sunday, rolling the statue through the city before pushing it into the harbor. What do you think?

I'm embarrassed to admit that I had no idea the U.K. also had statues.


Jillian Kubina

Sorry, but I don't see what slavery has to do with achieving racial equality.


Tom Lavare

So you're telling me there's a free statue just sitting there at the bottom of Bristol Harbor?


Ken Poulin

Astronaut Becomes First Woman To Reach Deepest Point In Ocean

Former astronaut Kathy Sullivan, the first U.S. woman to walk in space, made history again this week by diving a submersible vehicle to the deepest point in the Mariana Trench, becoming the first woman to visit the area that sits nearly seven miles below the Pacific Ocean. What do you think?

Where will she go next—all the way through?


Janae Stephens

Makes sense. The ocean is essentially outer space but wetter.


Bradley Landrum

Big whoop. You can throw someone overboard and they'll eventually make it down there, too.


Abe Acker

Treasure Chest Buried In Rocky Mountains Discovered

Following 10 years of searching by nearly 350,000 treasure hunters, a $1 million cache of gold and precious gemstones buried by art dealer Forrest Fenn has been discovered in the Rocky Mountains. What do you think?

I would have found it first if I hadn't been eaten by that stupid bear.


Cora Raymonde

I mean, how hard can it be to find a giant red X on the ground?


Aaron Sabara

That's nice for whoever found it, but personally, I find nature to be its own treasure.


Jay Sylvain

TV Show 'Cops' Cancelled

Paramount Network announced the cancellation of the police reality show Cops this week, a series that has been accused of perpetuating racism for its selective editing since it first aired in 1989. What do you think?

Oh man, now where am I going to find a TV show about the police?


Janette Baston

TV Show 'Cops' Cancelled

Thankfully there are plenty of videos of police brutality online these days.


Geoff Wilcox

TV Show 'Cops' Cancelled

Watching TV while waiting to get your oil changed will never be the same.


Elain Barrett

Lady Antebellum Changes Name

The pop-country band announced via Twitter Thursday that they want to ensure their music is inclusive and regret using a name associated with the Civil War and slavery, adding that they will go by Lady A going forward. What do you think?

Reformation is nice, but for real change to occur, we need to abolish the pop-country genre entirely.


Tristan Baker

Lady Antebellum Changes Name

Okay, but did they express any regret for making their music sound the way it does?


Brian Kane

Lady Antebellum Changes Name

I hope cancel culture never comes for my cover band, Lady Jim Crow.


Tonya Hall

Archaeologists May Have Discovered Oldest Theater In London

Archaeologists in Whitechapel believe they have uncovered the Red Lion, an Elizabethan playhouse that may have been the city's first dedicated theater space when it was built around 1567. What do you think?

Oh God, I hope this doesn't mean there are going to be more plays.


Mike DeCoster

The last place I would want to watch a play is buried under dirt.


Lee Winkler

I guess the British have been disappointing their parents even longer than we realized.


Kendra Bowser

Former DEA Officer Pleads Guilty To Posing As CIA Agent In Fraud Scheme

Ex-DEA officer Garrison Kenneth Courtney admitted in court last Thursday to deceiving companies and public officials into believing he was a covert CIA agent in order to defraud contractors of nearly $4 million, at one point claiming a foreign government had poisoned him with ricin. What do you think?

Are we sure this guilty plea isn't just part of the mission he's involved with as a covert CIA agent?


Frank Marable

Makes you wonder if all the CIA agents in your life are who they say they are.


Kenneth Euston

Now I don't feel so bad about pretending to be handsome online.


Ruth Yoffe

Covid-19 Cases Spike In 21 States

New analysis shows that 21 states have experienced a jump in the number of coronavirus infections compared to two weeks ago, which health experts say is tied both to increased testing and the lifting of stay-at-home orders. What do you think?

There's a ton of misinformation out there, so it's hard to know if this is a bad thing.


Nico Reed

Covid-19 Cases Spike In 21 States

If everyone would just hold their breath for a few weeks, we could finally beat this thing.


Dave Boscovich

Covid-19 Cases Spike In 21 States

I hope it's not the 21 states I live in.


Douglas Schlapp

Melania Trump Renegotiated Prenup Before Moving Into White House

According to a forthcoming book, the first lady refused to move into the White House until her prenuptial agreement was renegotiated to include a proper inheritance and dual Slovenian-American citizenship for her son Barron, so he could one day work for the Trump Organization in Europe. What do you think?

I always thought she was the smarter daughter.


Kingsley DeTrempe

So which half of the country would she get?


Claire Zweig

I just hope Barron appreciates what U.S. taxpayers did for him.


Hazel Bretherton

Supreme Court Rules Federal Law Protects LGBT Workers

The Supreme Court voted 6-to-3 in a landmark ruling on Monday that Title VII of the Civil Rights Act, which bars discrimination based on sex, extends to include gender identity and sexual orientation. What do you think?

Okay, but before you know it all forms of workplace discrimination will be illegal.


Saul Minkler

I can still fire employees for getting fat though, correct?


Norman Chernov

I'm not sure I can handle much more good news this year.


Kip Wiedlin

2021 Oscars Postponed 2 Months

The 93rd Academy Awards, originally scheduled for February 2021, will be postponed until April to allow filmmakers more time to create and release their movies in the wake of the pandemic. What do you think?

I'd rather see what they come up with if you give them less time.


Howard Pownall

2021 Oscars Postponed 2 Months

If you can't create an award-worthy film during multiple global crises, maybe you're just not cut out to work in showbiz.


Leslie Camp

2021 Oscars Postponed 2 Months

It'll also allow additional time for the host to write a bunch more jokes about wearing masks.


Ron Varco

7-Eleven Cancels Free Slurpee Day

Convenience store chain 7-Eleven confirmed they will cancel this year's Free Slurpee Day, scheduled for July 11, due to uncertainties associated with the Covid-19 pandemic. What do you think?

Free Slurpee Day isn't just some date on a calendar, it's a state of mind.


Frank Bluhm

7-Eleven Cancels Free Slurpee Day

They're going to lose a ton of business from folks like me who won't be coming in for free Slurpees.


Christina Khaskin

7-Eleven Cancels Free Slurpee Day

We'll probably just do something low-key at home this year.


Russell Domnitz

American Airlines Suspends Alcohol Service For Economy Class

American Airlines announced this week that due to coronavirus fears they will no longer sell alcohol on flights in an effort to reduce the amount of time passengers spend with their masks off, but that the ban does not apply to people in first class. What do you think?

I'm not sure why the rowdy underclass was permitted alcohol to begin with.


Debbie Pfeffer

But it's the poor who need alcohol the most.


Samuel Witt

Guess it's back to drinking and driving.


Will Culbertson

Aunt Jemima, Mrs. Butterworth, Uncle Ben's Brands To Be Overhauled

The parent companies of Aunt Jemima pancake mix, Mrs. Butterworth syrup, and Uncle Ben's rice have each announced this week plans to revamp or fully retire the brands, acknowledging the racist origins of the images. What do you think?

I think this is an erasure of how much aunts and uncles have contributed to society.


Tonya Boudry

It's time to end the harmful stereotype that all black women are filled with syrup.


Levi Hartman

Like I've been saying for years, all of this could have been avoided if every product logo was a sexy anime lady.


Buzz Scarboro

Kristen Stewart To Play Princess Diana In Upcoming Biopic

Twilight star Kristen Stewart is set to play Princess Diana in an upcoming film which focuses on a weekend in the early 1990s when Diana decided she could no longer be married to Prince Charles. What do you think?

Ugh, I'm so sick of pop culture's obsession with making new movies.


Ivy Moelter

Diana would be thrilled to be getting more of the spotlight she loved so much.


Manny Doyle

I guess British actresses must really suck.


Arlene Garnsey

Biden Outraises Trump For First Time

Former Vice President Joe Biden's campaign raised $80.8 million in May compared to the Trump campaign's $74 million, the first month of the election since Bernie Sanders dropped out the race and endorsed Biden for president. What do you think?

When did political fundraising become all about the money?


Conrad Doyle

Biden Outraises Trump For First Time

I had a pretty lucrative May myself, but you don't see me bragging about it.


Alan Martino

Biden Outraises Trump For First Time

I donated the same amount to each of them so it wouldn't look like I was being political.


Rex Swanek

Ford Delays Launch Of New Bronco To Avoid O.J. Simpson's Birthday

Ford Motor Company announced they will move the planned debut of the new Bronco from July 9 to July 13 after learning the original launch date coincided with O.J. Simpson's birthday. What do you think?

They need to tread carefully or the Bronco might become associated with O.J. Simpson.


Alonzo Bruce

Smart. Customers shouldn't have to choose between buying a new car and going to O.J.'s birthday party.


Maria Torres

Someone should probably let them know he was acquitted.


Mark Althoff

Biden Agrees To 3 Debates With Trump

The Joe Biden campaign announced Monday that the former vice president will participate in three previously scheduled debates against Donald Trump, while criticizing the Trump campaign's push to add more debates and to help pick the moderators. What do you think?

Best two-out-of-three still wins the presidency, right?


Kelly Grieshammer

Biden Agrees To 3 Debates With Trump

They should let Trump be the moderator so it doesn't appear biased towards Biden.


Aaron Koch

Biden Agrees To 3 Debates With Trump


Trina Miglio

Milky Way Could Harbor 6 Billion Earth-Like Planets

New calculations reveal the galaxy may be host to nearly six billion rocky, Earth-sized planets that orbit stars at a distance where liquid water could exist on the surface. What do you think?

This confirms my hypothesis that there's an absolute shit-ton of planets out there.


Walter FanninG

Sure, but there's still only one Sarasota, Florida.


Jake Lapham

And what are scientists doing to ensure we kill them before they kill us?


John Goldwasser

Researchers Predict Pandemic Could Result In 500,000 Fewer U.S. Births

Experts at the Brookings Institution say the economic and social hardships created by Covid-19 could result in a baby bust where the U.S. could expect to see 300,000 to 500,000 fewer infants born over the next few years. What do you think?

The government should do something sexy to help stimulate more births.


Kelsey Andreatta

I get enough crap about not having a baby from my mother, I don't need it from the Brookings Institution, too.


Les Brennan

Babies are cowards for not facing this miserable reality like the rest of us.


Norman Hirsch

Bayer To Pay $10 Billion In Roundup Settlement

Bayer has agreed to pay $10 billion to settle over 95,000 individual claims that their weedkiller Roundup causes cancer, with $1.25 billion earmarked for future claims of people who developed non-Hodgkin's lymphoma after being exposed to the product. What do you think?

It's a sad day in America when a corporation has to be culpable for something.


Leigh Bianco

Nobody said there wouldn't be casualties in the war to banish weeds.


Barry Tapp

I may be dying, but you should see my tomatoes.


Bitsy Walker

Segway Suspends Scooter Production

Owners of the Segway brand say they will stop manufacturing the iconic two-wheeled motorized scooter, which has sold only 140,000 units since it was introduced in 2001. What do you think?

Eventually even doomed business models must come to an end.


Greg Dutton

Segway Suspends Scooter Production

I think Segway just really underestimated how popular cars would become.


Rubin Galloway

Segway Suspends Scooter Production

How else are we supposed to move faster than walking but slower than running?


Martin Bucklin

Disney's Splash Mountain To Be Rethemed As 'Princess And The Frog'

Disney confirmed Thursday plans to reimagine Splash Mountain, which is based on the 1946 movie Song Of The South, into a new log-flume ride following Princess Tiana and her alligator Louis as they travel on a musical adventure. What do you think?

Good on Disney for finally replacing that ride with a property that's more merchandisable.


Janet Teegarden

Had I known the ride was racist I would have never had such a blast all the times I rode it.


Frederic Kretchmer

We can't just erase our heritage of Black sharecroppers singing to animated bees.


Silas Bergholz

Giant Sahara Desert Dust Plume Headed For U.S.

An unusually dense plume of dust from the Sahara in Northern Africa has traveled across the Atlantic and is blanketing the Caribbean, darkening skies and lowering air quality as it makes its way toward the United States. What do you think?

Oh, is it massive dust plume season already?


Kay Richburg

Nice try, but you're not gonna trick me into wearing a mask.


Travis Lambert

As far as liberal hoaxes go, this one is pretty badass.


Robin Maradia

Judge Rules Devin Nunes Can't Sue Twitter Over Cow Parody Account

A judge has ruled that California representative Devin Nunes cannot sue Twitter for $250 million as part of his quest to discover who is behind the two parody accounts Devin Nunes' Cow and Devin Nunes' Mom, stating the platform is not liable for what its users post. What do you think?

Imagine if a stranger impersonated your cow online. Doesn't feel so good, does it?


Stu Whisnant

I'm sure they'll stop eventually if he keeps letting them know how rattled he is.


Derek Lee

Sounds to me like that judge is begging to be sued.


Thomas Korins

Kanye West Announces Plan To Run For President

In a July 4th tweet, Kanye West announced his intention to run for president, though he has missed several state deadlines to appear on the ballot and has yet to file any official paperwork. What do you think?

As if there weren't already enough great candidates to choose from!


Bethany Fine

Yeah, we've all picked up weird new hobbies in quarantine.


Conrad Hodges

I don't know, I'm looking for a much more qualified joke candidate to throw away my vote on.


Rory Nadal

Prehistoric Monument Discovered Near Stonehenge

Archaeologists have discovered a ring of 20 pits each measuring 33 feet wide and 16 feet deep just a few miles from Stonehenge, which they say predate the famous English monument by at least 1,500 years. What do you think?

Archaeologists really need to let go of this obsession with the past.


Drew Salgado

Too late. My desktop background is firmly in place.


Maurice Rouchard

Interesting. Holes go back further than I thought.


Kerry Foley

Tell-All Book By Donald Trump's Niece To Be Released Early

After a judge lifted the restraining order prohibiting distribution of the book, Simon & Schuster announced they will bump up the release date of Mary Trump's memoir about her uncle and the Trump family, citing extraordinary interest and high demand. What do you think?

Good. If Trump has some kind of hidden dark side, we deserve to know about it.


Dennis Bonilla

You have to expect a certain level of scrutiny when you decide to become an uncle.


Broderick Nelson

I'm deeply uncomfortable with the idea that there are other Trumps out there we don't know about.


Toby Krebs

Patrick Mahomes Signs 10-Year, $400 Million Extension With Chiefs

Quarterback Patrick Mahomes has agreed to a $400 million contract extension to continue playing for the Kansas City Chiefs through 2031, making Mahomes the highest-paid NFL player of all time. What do you think?

In these dark times, it's nice to see someone who was doing great now doing even better.


June Deleon

It sounds like a lot, but keep in mind that works out to just $40 million a year.


Fred Raibon

How insulting to have your talents reduced to a number like that.


JD Martell

Brazilian President Jair Bolsonaro Tests Positive For Covid-19

Following months of refusing to wear a mask or socially distance, Brazil's president announced Tuesday that he has Covid-19, telling reporters that he assumed he had already contracted the virus earlier because of his close contact with the public. What do you think?

This completely shakes my faith in strongmen.


Annalise Helava

It's scary to realize this virus will infect even those who take zero precautions.


William Ash

Do we know if the test he took was a liberal?


Gene Lombard

Supreme Court Rules Employers Can Opt Out Of Birth Control Coverage

The Supreme Court ruled 7-2 that employers with moral or religious objections do not have to provide no-cost birth control coverage to women, as had previously been required under the Affordable Care Act. What do you think?

Man, the Supreme Court always kills the mood.


Herb Ramirez

Good thing I work for a Satanist-owned corporation.


Dina Etnoyer

Hopefully, these employers offer excellent maternity leave.


Lars Browne

Pandemic Accelerating Decline Of Paper Currency

Analysts say the pandemic has increased the rate at which Americans are abandoning cash in favor of digital payments as businesses and consumers move to online shopping in order to reduce physical contact. What do you think?

It's been all downhill since the Rhode Island state quarter.


Max Galbraith

I'll miss that tactile feeling of going broke.


Kerry McClure

Suckers! The less people use paper currency, the more valuable it becomes.


Freddy Kahana

Study Finds Rats Experience Bystander Effect

A new study from the University of Chicago has found that rats will work to free a trapped companion if they see others helping, but they are less likely to become involved if nearby rats are not assisting, suggesting that mammals besides humans can suffer from the bystander effect. What do you think?

Glad to know we're not the only species anxious not to help others out of plastic tubes.


Ace Holgate

Altruistic or not, I'm not about to let some rat save my life.


Georgia Balmuth

Not so perfect after all, are you, rats?


Troy Koppel

Michael Cohen Sent Back To Prison

President Trump's former lawyer Michael Cohen, who was granted temporary home confinement due to coronavirus concerns, has been taken back to federal prison to continue serving his three-year sentence after violating the terms of his release. What do you think?

I've already said goodbye to him once, and I'm not saying it again.


John De Longis

Michael Cohen Sent Back To Prison

This puts all of those prisoners at risk of being exposed to shady legal advice.


Cici Birkett

Michael Cohen Sent Back To Prison

It's very out of character for Michael Cohen to violate rules.


Arnie Dekker

Florida Shatters Daily Coronavirus Infection Record

Florida officials reported over 15,300 new Covid-19 cases on Sunday, surpassing New York's record of 12,000 in April, while businesses including Disney World reopen across the state. What do you think?

Good start, but they'll have to keep it up if they want everyone to get infected.


Jason Cohoon

It's amazing what a state can achieve when you disregard respect for human life.


Lily Cadman

I trust Disney World wouldn't reopen unless they were sure the park was completely safe from liability.


Yolanda Morgan

Trump Commutes Sentence for Roger Stone

President Trump on Friday commuted the 40-month prison sentence of political ally Roger Stone, who was set to report to federal prison this week following conviction for witness tampering, obstruction of justice, and lying to Congress by a jury last year. What do you think?

Makes you wonder why we even go through the hassle of having three branches of government.


Nikolai Kerr

Trump Commutes Sentence for Roger Stone

People shouldn't be mad at Trump just because he's better at maintaining adult friendships than they are.


Sean Vanderwal

Trump Commutes Sentence for Roger Stone

Well, if Stone changes his mind, he can always stay at my prison.


Edgar Hoffman

Starbucks To Require Face Masks For Customers

Starting July 15, Starbucks will require all customers to wear facial coverings inside stores to protect employees and other patrons, a decision based on CDC recommendations meant to curb the spread of Covid-19. What do you think?

Excellent. I've been looking for a fresh reason to torment a barista.


Ruby Seagren

How am I supposed to drink my coffee if I can't watch how other people do it?


Richie Cronander

Tell them they can just put the whipped cream right in my mask.


Gabe Baker

Los Angeles, San Diego Schools Will Remain Remote-Only This Fall

California's two largest public school districts announced Monday that they have abandoned plans to partially reopen schools later this year and will instead teach students 100% online. What do you think?

I was told the pandemic was scheduled to end by September.


Lester Farnworth

This could potentially send the wrong message that teachers' lives are valued.


Amie Cassin

I think we should just have all the kids live at school so they don't bring it home.


Sasha Curtis

Wells Fargo Orders Employees To Delete TikTok Citing Security Concerns

Wells Fargo has asked employees who have downloaded TikTok on company cell phones to delete the app immediately due to fears the Beijing-based social media company could hand over sensitive data to the Chinese government, a concern that cybersecurity experts say is largely hypothetical. What do you think?

They can't stop me from being a 13-year-old influencer when I'm off the clock.


Mel Ballesteros

Smart, they certainly don't want to give China access to any sensitive internal dances.


Mike Vacco

Now what are those guys going to do all day? Work for Wells Fargo?


Annette Cartwright

Google Vows To Not Use Fitbit Data For Advertising

As part of their bid to finalize a $2.1 billion deal to purchase Fitbit, Google told EU regulators this week that the company will not use health data from the wearable activity trackers to help create targeted ads. What do you think?

Hopefully, they can get the data they need from our phones, tablets, and laptops.


Clark Hildreth

But if I burn 214 calories, I might want ads aimed at people who burn 214 calories.


Ryan Granot

Jokes on them. I never figured out how to use the damn thing.


Donna Brown

Man Trademarks Dozens Of Possible New Names For Washington Redskins

A man in Virginia has registered dozens of names related to the Washington NFL team over the last six years in a possible attempt to sell the trademark for profit, a move patent lawyers say will likely fail. What do you think?

That's a really ingenious way to make money unless it fails, in which case, it was a total waste of time.


Eric Ferris

Social progress has to be worth at least 10 grand.


Chap Delorme

I just hope he covered his bases by registering a few names that were more racist.


Ramona Ruttan

Glass Vial Shortage Could Delay Coronavirus Vaccine

As pharmaceutical companies rush to develop a vaccine for Covid-19, scientists and policymakers are concerned global demand for glass vials combined with borosilicate shortages could create bottlenecks in distributing the lifesaving drugs. What do you think?

Ugh, first the vaccine doesn't even actually exist, and now this.


Darrell Beck

We wouldn't even be in this mess if people would stop panic-buying borosilicate.


Myron Hadsell

Tyra Banks Named New Host Of 'Dancing With The Stars'

Model and TV personality Tyra Banks will host the 29th season of Dancing With The Stars, replacing long-time host Tom Bergeron and former-contestant-turned-host Erin Andrews. What do you think?

Let's enjoy these peaceful transitions of power while we can.


Ann Coffen

I can't believe they got a non-dancer to replace Tom Bergeron.


Trevor Soukup

Huh, I guess the job market isn't as bad as they are saying it is.


Brad Bridges

Georgia Governor Bans Local Governments From Mandating Masks

Georgia governor Brian Kemp issued an executive order Wednesday banning cities from enforcing their own face mask laws as the state reported 3,871 new coronavirus cases, its second-highest daily total this year. What do you think?

I think he's taking this rivalry with Florida a little too seriously


Karyn Singleton

It's nice to finally hear about a governor taking some direct action.


Troy St. Claire

People need to remember that it's a pretty thankless job to be a governor who is constantly fucking up.


Ruby Sevier

Mortgage Rates Fall Below 3% For First Time

A Freddie Mac survey found that the average 30-year fixed-rate mortgage dropped to a record low 2.98% last week, leading to an increase in demand by homebuyers even as the number of available houses decreased. What do you think?

Perfect timing, I've been meaning to enter into an expensive long-term contract for a while now.


Albert Neaman

It's depressing that mortgage rates are out there setting new records while I'm stuck inside my apartment doing nothing.


Dale Crim

Braves Remove Tomahawk Chop Statue

The Atlanta Braves have removed a wooden statue reading Chop On from outside Truist Field and are reviewing whether they will stop encouraging fans to engage in the tomahawk chop, though the team has already stated they will not change their name. What do you think?

Oh come on, that statue could be referring to any kind of chop.


Amber Sharpe

Braves Remove Tomahawk Chop Statue

I think we should be celebrating our rich, shared history of chopping.


Jason Crawford

Braves Remove Tomahawk Chop Statue

They should have gradually shaved an inch off every day so no one noticed.


Yvette Bradley

Pandemic Sets Off National Coin Shortage

Analysts say that coronavirus concerns have caused Americans to spend less and reduce their use of paper currency, in turn causing a coin shortage that has forced some major retailers like Kroger to require exact change for purchases. What do you think?

Kroger kicked me out for trying to pay with a big bag of pennies, but now look who needs my help.


Sam Albom

People wouldn't hoard coins if the government just stopped putting those kick-ass designs on the backs of them.


Bobby Kanin

So that's why there's a lot less jingle-jangle in my pants pockets.


Stan Dunn

Trump Resumes Coronavirus Briefings As Cases Surge

President Trump announced that he will resume his daily coronavirus briefings, which stopped in late April, after a Washington Post-ABC News poll found that only 38% of Americans approve of his handling of the pandemic, down from 46% in May. What do you think?

I don't approve of the way Trump's handled the pandemic, and the only thing that could change my mind is hearing from him more.


Harrison Polhamus

It sucks that our only options are Trump doing nothing and Trump doing something.


Rhonda Kircali

Is this really the best use of his time in the midst of a global pandemic?


Nigel Mooney

Beefeaters Face Job Cuts For First Time In History

The iconic Tower of London guards, known colloquially as Beefeaters, may face layoffs for the first time in their 545-year history as pandemic closures have created a $123 million shortfall for the charity that runs the historical site. What do you think?

Goes to show that in a pandemic even the least necessary job on earth isn't guaranteed.


Shannon Leitz

I know I'm supposed to feel bad about this, but there's no way the Beefeaters have worse lives than I do.


Phoenix Wiegand

Listen, it's tough for street performers everywhere right now, not just in the U.K.


David Rutter

Study Finds Universal Mask Use Could Cut U.S. Coronavirus Deaths By 67%

Research from the University of Washington shows that widespread use of masks could cut the projected daily coronavirus case count by 63% and daily death toll by 67%, but it would require at least 95% of Americans wear masks when in public. What do you think?

Thanks, but if I was in the habit of listening to scientists, we wouldn't be having this discussion in the first place.


Patty Bluff

This Universal Mask sounds incredibly powerful.


Darryl Rockwell

What a roundabout way to let Americans know they're doomed.


Charlie Nagan

Country Time Offers 'Littlest Bailout' To Kids Who Can't Run Lemonade Stands This Year

The lemonade brand Country Time is offering $100 checks to children who are unable to run lemonade stands this summer as part of their Littlest Bailout program, which seeks to offset lost revenue caused by social distancing and coronavirus safety guidelines. What do you think?

Great, put more money in the pockets of CEOs.


Tori Thrift

It's nice to know that during these difficult times someone is still thinking about child labor.


Marilyn Dobson

Ohio House Speaker Arrested In $60 Million Bribery Scheme

Larry Householder, speaker of the Ohio House of Representatives, was arrested Tuesday in connection to a $60 million bribery and racketeering investigation tied to nuclear plant bailouts in the state. What do you think?

I hope Ohioans remember this in a couple years when they vote him into the Senate.


Kent Iadarola

Why don't you try living on a state congressional salary for a year before you start passing judgment.


Gerry Sabella

People will do anything to claw their way to the top of the Ohio political ladder.


Alicia Matheny

Comic-Con Goes Online For 2020 Festival

The 51st San Diego Comic-Con will be held 100% online this week due to the coronavirus pandemic, with celebrity panels, new games, and a virtual exhibition hall free to all attendees. What do you think?

No online festival can replace the experience of interacting with large corporations in person.


Bob Rotter

Comic-Con Goes Online For 2020 Festival

If it is free, then how can we tell who the real fans are?


Eric Mansfield

Comic-Con Goes Online For 2020 Festival

Nothing will stop me from physically touching Chris Evans.


Harrison DiCicco

Taylor Swift Drops Surprise Album

Taylor Swift released her eighth album, Folklore, in a surprise midnight release on Thursday, announcing on social media that she wrote the songs during lockdown and in collaboration with Bon Iver, The National, and Jack Antonoff. What do you think?

Oh, okay. This must explain why she hadn't responded to my DMs.


Guy Danner

Taylor Swift Drops Surprise Album

Well, I hope she wore a mask during recording.


Jennifer Horn

Taylor Swift Drops Surprise Album

This is making me self-conscious that I haven't released an album with Bon Iver during quarantine.


Chandler Forsythe

Rep. Yoho Removed From Charity Board Over Sexist Comments Toward Ocasio-Cortez

The Christian non-profit Bread for the World announced that they have asked Florida Rep. Ted Yoho to resign from their board after he called Rep. Ocasio-Cortez a fucking bitch, saying his behavior in the past few days does not reflect the values of respect and compassion that Jesus calls on us to exhibit every day and we expect from our board members. What do you think?

Wow, you know you messed up when Jesus wants you to resign.


BreeAnna Landell

Now the board can focus on defeating the real fucking bitch: Beelzebub.


Matt Vickery

So he messes up and gets rewarded with more free time?


Austen Lange

Trump Advisors Say Americans Will Get Second $1,200 Stimulus Check

Treasury Secretary Steve Mnuchin and White House advisor Larry Kudlow both asserted this weekend that the next round of coronavirus relief legislation will include another $1,200 check for Americans making less than $75,000 a year. What do you think?

I wish I'd known that before I wasted the first one feeding my family.


Cora Amaral

Sorry one-percenters, looks like it's us poor people who are rolling in the dough now!


Harlon Pritz

I've never been so grateful to work in an industry that pays so poorly.


Jon Moreno

Missing Red Panda Returns To Columbus Zoo

A two-year-old red panda named Kora has returned on her own accord after escaping from her enclosure at the Columbus Zoo in Ohio last week, relieving staff members who say she recently gave birth to two cubs. What do you think?

I guess she turned back once she saw what the rest of Columbus was like.


Greg Lucero

I don't think it's fair to judge someone else's parenting style.


Cynthia Munters

Moms deserve a night off every now and then.


Tony Coleman

Kyrie Irving Donates $1.5 Million To Support WNBA Players Sitting Out Season

Brooklyn Nets point guard Kyrie Irving has pledged $1.5 million to help supplement the incomes of WNBA players who have opted out of the 2020 season due to coronavirus concerns or for social justice reasons. What do you think?

Won't this just incentivize players to do what's best for them?


Patti Tuck

This guy must really hate women's basketball to pay them to not play.


Biff Crawford

Yeah, but I heard most of that money is being paid out in basketballs.


Ashley Brogger

Rescue Team Saves St. Bernard From England's Highest Peak

A team of 16 rescuers say they didn't need to think twice about mobilizing and retrieving a 120-pound St. Bernard named Daisy from Scafell Pike, England's highest peak, on Friday after she injured her leg at the summit. What do you think?

Yeah, better to euthanize it at a proper facility.


James Santiago

This is why I say we get rid of mountains.


Kate Murney

Tech CEOs Testify Before Congress In Antitrust Hearing

Jeff Bezos, Tim Cook, Mark Zuckerberg, and Sundar Pichai testified before Congress on Wednesday following a year of investigation by the House Antitrust Subcommittee into accusations that the companies' practices harm consumers and stifle competition. What do you think?

What's the big deal? We still have four companies to choose from.


David Beacher

So hypocritical when just one Congress monopolizes all the federal lawmaking.


Chad Morgalo

I wish someone cared enough about me to investigate my business practices for a year.


Shannon Beal

Teens In India Discover Asteroid Near Mars

Space India and NASA have confirmed that two 14-year-olds working on a school project, Vaidehi Vekariya and Radhika Lakhani, have discovered an asteroid that will cross Earth's orbit roughly one million years from now. What do you think?

And what exactly were those kids doing poking around up there?


Luke Pennachio

Okay, but I probably won't even be alive in one million years.


Simon Morse

Ah, to be young and making major astronomical discoveries again.


Dale Warner

Mattel Unveils Barbie 2020 Campaign Team Dolls

Mattel announced a lineup of four new Barbie dolls, including a presidential candidate, a campaign manager, a fundraiser, and a voter, which the company hopes will encourage young girls to see themselves in public leadership roles. What do you think?

No, thanks. I'm a registered Bratz voter.


Shirley Majors

It's too late, she'll never make it onto any of the ballots this close to the election.


Chris Tranchita

This is a big win for the very, very strange little girls who dream of being campaign fundraisers.


Shawn Ewing

New Blood Test Could Diagnose Alzheimer's In Dementia Patients

Scientists say a newly developed blood test can accurately diagnose whether a patient has Alzheimer's or other forms of dementia, allowing doctors to provide better treatments and prognoses and opening the door for researchers to one day develop a test for people who are not showing symptoms. What do you think?

I spent a long time trying to forget high school and no doctor is going to fuck that up for me now.


Gillian Farthing

I'm for whatever results in sticking confused people with needles.


Rob Bakeman

No thanks, I plan on fighting dementia on my own like a real man.


Hank Cano

Garth Brooks Withdraws Self From Top Country Music Association Award

Garth Brooks announced that he has taken himself out of the running for Entertainer of the Year at the 2020 CMA awards, saying he has already won seven times and it's time for him to step aside so a younger generation can take the prize. What do you think?

This only makes me want to give him the prize even more.


Frances Jarchow

I've always said country music needed term limits.


Mitch Fixler

Yikes. This little PR stunt might cost him the award this year.


Judy Lowry

New Evidence Shows Sperm Swim 'Like Playful Otters'

Researchers using 3D microscopy say they have discovered that sperm do not oscillate back and forth but rather corkscrew through the water like playful otters, challenging assumptions about how sperm moves that date back to the invention of the compound microscope in 1677. What do you think?

Just when you thought you knew everything there was to know about jizz.


Todd Rothman

As if otters weren't already hypersexualized.


Augustus Cupone

If they're capable of this level of sophisticated play, I'm not sure we should still be eating them.


Craig Bergman

NASA Astronauts Splash Down In Gulf Of Mexico

Two NASA astronauts aboard the SpaceX Dragon Endeavor capsule completed a successful splashdown on Sunday, the first water landing by American astronauts in 45 years. What do you think?

I knew those astronauts would eventually come crawling back to Earth.


Whitney Livingston

I hate to break it to NASA, but the Gulf of Mexico isn't in space.


Steve Valerio

This loses some of its impressiveness when you learn the Earth is over 70% water.


Martin Furcolo

Florida Teenager Faces 30 Charges For Alleged Twitter Hack

17-year-old Graham Ivan Clark is facing 30 felony counts for allegedly manipulating Twitter employees and hacking into dozens of high profile accounts as part of a bitcoin scheme that netted over $100,000 before the site shut it down. What do you think?

This is why we should raise the hacking age to 21.


Kaspar Edler

I hope he knows a good lawyer that takes bitcoin.


Fiona DeWolfe

There's no punishment too great for tricking me into thinking Barack Obama was going to give me bitcoin.


Stu Olters

FDA Expands List Of Dangerous Hand Sanitizers

The FDA has updated a list of more than 100 hand sanitizers that they believe should be recalled, either because they do not contain enough alcohol to work properly or because they are tainted with methanol which can be toxic if absorbed through the skin. What do you think?

Recalling these will just make people want to sanitize their hands even more.


Monica Sommer

I honestly think it's best to just steer clear of hygiene altogether.


Armando Baldino

And still the government continues to criminalize the only truly reliable disinfectant: fire.


Carina Bennett

2020 Census Count To End One Month Early

The U.S. Census Bureau confirmed Monday that all efforts to collect responses will end on September 30, a month earlier than previously announced despite the fact that only 63% of Americans have been counted. What do you think?

Eh, they probably got the 63% that matter.


Kevin Ordelt

Doesn't the Census Bureau know you can just google how many people live in America?


Gabe Galloway

At a certain point, you just have to conclude that America has plenty of people.


Holly Melzow

Former Spanish King Goes Into Exile

Juan Carlos, the former king of Spain, announced via a letter to his son King Felipe VI on Monday that he has gone into exile just weeks after the country's Supreme Court opened an investigation into his involvement with a high-speed rail contract with Saudi Arabia. What do you think?

I totally get it, I also avoid confrontation.


Roy Obering

Former Spanish King Goes Into Exile

Wait, so there are some countries where the rich and powerful still experience shame?


Mason Nenna

Former Spanish King Goes Into Exile

What kind of leader doesn't know he can simply strong-arm Supreme Court judges into doing what he wants?


Denise Ghouti

Facebook Launches TikTok Competitor

Facebook on Wednesday launched a new feature within Instagram called Reels that allows users to create 15-second video clips similar to the popular app TikTok. What do you think?

I appreciate Facebook's commitment to being part of everything that makes daily life unbearable.


Luke Simas

Facebook Launches TikTok Competitor

Good. I much prefer my data be misused domestically.


Vincent Albu

Facebook Launches TikTok Competitor

You know, I'm beginning to think 15-second dance videos are in danger of being over-documented.


Xavier Santoro

Grocery Prices Spike During Pandemic

New data from the Bureau of Economic Analysis shows that the costs of meat, eggs, vegetables, and other staples have increased by up to 20% since February, in part due to a surge in demand for groceries and disruptions to the supply chain due to the pandemic. What do you think?

I knew they would jack up the price after getting me hooked on eating.


Anthony Touchette

Grocery Prices Spike During Pandemic

Sorry, but this is only a problem for people who depend on food for survival.


Steph Baril

Grocery Prices Spike During Pandemic

Sure, grocery shopping is expensive, but you're also paying for the experience.


Myron Hill

New York Attorney General Files Suit To Dissolve NRA

New York attorney general Letitia James told reporters in a press conference Thursday that her office will attempt to dissolve the National Rifle Association, alleging years of financial misconduct and corruption as the non-profit group's leaders illegally enriched themselves. What do you think?

I count on the NRA to shrug off mass shootings, not misuse my membership dues.


Bruce Lanza

Pretty risky on the NRA's part to spend years arming the very people they were ripping off.


Arianna Luckey

This is an outrageous attack on every American's right to be defrauded.


Joe Barbour

Italian Police ID Man Who Broke Toes Off 200-Year-Old Statue

Police in Possagno, Italy say they have identified an Austrian man who accidentally broke three toes off a plaster model used by Neoclassical sculptor Antonio Canova while posing on the artwork for a photo, though the local court is still deciding whether to press charges. What do you think?


Ken MacBain

Look, if museums don't want people touching the artwork they should put up signs saying so.


Erin Chaney

I mean, the statue couldn't have been that good if a simple Austrian could break it.


Tony Ghiazza

New Zealand Marks 100 Days Without New Coronavirus Case

Prime Minister Jacinda Arden announced Sunday that New Zealand has effectively stopped the transmission of Covid-19 through strict border control and lockdown measures, marking 100 days since the last reported domestic case. What do you think?

I hear it's beautiful there, but I think I would miss the coronavirus.


Rufus Goldstone

Big deal, America could do that too if we cared about people.


Gail Cetorelli

Another interesting fact is New Zealand celebrates Christmas during their summer.


Neil Talmage

Eurovision Bringing Song Contest To America

The producers of the Eurovision Song Contest, an annual singing competition that features musicians from countries across Europe, announced a new American version of the show set to debut in 2021. What do you think?

Sorry, but we fought a revolution to liberate ourselves from European song contests.


StanLEy Carlberg

Hey, that's perfect. The U.S. could really use another stupid fucking thing right now.


Trisha Latham

America is more than capable of selecting its own next mediocre musical sensation.


Solomon Boyd

McDonald's Sues Ousted CEO Alleging Relationships With Staffers

McDonald's is suing former CEO Steve Easterbrook to recover $42 million in stock-based benefits and $670,000 in severance pay after an investigation found Easterbrook destroyed evidence and lied about sexual relationships with several employees. What do you think?

That's why it's never good to get your love life mixed up with hamburgers.


Shauna Klimek

Big deal. I fuck in McDonald's all the time.


Henry Turk

It must be weird for McDonald's to be the ones demanding their money back for once.


Kim Briseno

Mauritians Use Hair To Help Contain Oil Spill

Volunteers on the island nation of Mauritius are building floating barriers made of donated human hair, stockings, and sugarcane leaves to help control the spread of oil from a Japanese tanker that ran aground on a reef two weeks ago. What do you think?

No ecological disaster is big enough to make me part with my bangs.


Craig Vesely

Once again, the bald have absolutely nothing to contribute to society.


Tyler Shaheen

Gross, so now there's just a bunch of hair in the ocean?


Marcus Green

Smash Mouth Concert Could Be Super-Spreader Event

Health experts say a weekend performance by the band Smash Mouth at the annual Sturgis Motorcycle Rally, which often draws half a million people to the South Dakota town, could become a super-spreader event as hundreds of thousands of visitors return home. What do you think?

It blows my mind that during this time anyone would be so careless as to listen to Smash Mouth.


Lorenzo Lucchese

Unfortunately, when you're just starting out, you have to take whatever gigs you can get.


Laura Etherton

I just assumed most Smash Mouth fans had already died from it.


Ben Kostic

Phil Collins' 'In The Air Tonight' Re-Enters Music Charts Following Viral Video

39 years after its original debut, In The Air Tonight by Phil Collins hit No. 3 on the iTunes Top Songs chart after a video of Youtube personalities Fred and Tim Williams reacting to the song went viral. What do you think?

Proof that great art doesn't die, it just gets repopularized using algorithm-driven data.


Cody Dumoulin

Ah, to be young and ignorant of Phil Collins again.


Jan Yeatman

You know you've made it in the music industry once your songs are being played on YouTube.


Larry Stemer

WHO Urges People To Delay Routine Dental Exams

The World Health Organization is calling on people to put off visiting the dentist for routine care until Covid-19 rates drop or until researchers know more about the risks involved. What do you think?

Okay, I'll try not to use my teeth too much until then.


Fiona Neuwirth

Well, there goes the remainder of my plans for this year.


Rich Rubin

Finally, a public health policy I've already been following my whole life.


Tabitha Caswell

Magician David Blaine To Attempt Helium Balloon Stunt

Illusionist David Blaine, known for extreme stunts and feats of endurance, will attempt to fly above New York City using helium balloons later this month as part of a Youtube livestream event. What do you think?


Bruce Winninger

We could really use the distraction of a tragic accident right now.


Peter Longden

That's cool, but I stopped believing in helium years ago.


Harry Gillen

Firefighters Remove Duct-Taped Steve-O From Billboard

Jackass celebrity Steve-O was rescued by Los Angeles firefighters on Thursday after he duct-taped himself to a billboard as part of a promotional stunt for his new movie. What do you think?

He's just copying what Meryl Streep did for The Devil Wears Prada.'


Dale Manion

It's really great to see he's still hurting himself.


Kelly Bourret

It was a pretty good ad for duct tape, too.


Brie Gollick

Fortnite' Sues Apple Following App Store Ban

Epic Games announced plans to sue Apple just hours after their popular online game Fortnite was removed from the App Store, escalating a feud between the companies that centers on Apple's 30% commission on in-app purchases. What do you think?

I consider myself to be pretty up on current trends, but what the hell is an 'app?'


Will Lyall

I'm not allowed in Apple stores either but you don't see me making a big deal out of it.


Ed Bachman

As someone who loves broad implications, this sounds like it has a bunch!


Jimmy Kattinger

Trump Pushes False Kamala Harris Birther Conspiracy

President Trump told reporters that he believes Senator Kamala Harris may not meet the requirements to be vice president because her parents are immigrants, a claim White House chief of staff Mark Meadows said the campaign would not pursue because the constitution is clear that she is eligible to serve. What do you think?

He just said this to distract from the other things he's said to distract from other things he's said.


Chantal Turpel

I'm glad to hear the Trump campaign won't be pursuing this beyond Trump bringing it up constantly.


Doc Primmer

It's a good thing it's not true, otherwise the media might be tempted to repeat it.


Eva Brewster

Uber, Lyft Prepare To Suspend Service In California

Rideshare companies Uber and Lyft may temporarily shut down in California as early as this week after a judge ordered the businesses to reclassify their drivers as employees instead of independent contractors. What do you think?

I guess I'll vomit up my Seagram's on the bus again.


Scott Urata

I have to admit I never thought of my Uber driver as an actual person before.


Paul Fichera

You have to admire the conviction of a business that would rather shut down than pay its workers a living wage.


PJ Prescott

Republicans Speak At DNC

Former GOP Governor John Kasich, as well as two other prominent Republicans, spoke at the Democratic National Convention on Monday and announced his intention to vote for the former vice president this fall. What do you think?

We'll never be truly united until both parties nominate the same candidate.


Leah Dirkes

Republicans Speak At DNC

At least now I don't have to watch the RNC.


Ronnie Castro

Republicans Speak At DNC

Biden's going to really benefit from that legendary Kasich Bump.


Nico Tinsley

Scientists Say Greenland's Melting Ice Sheet Is At Point Of No Return

Researchers at Ohio State University say satellite data shows Greenland's 660,000 square-mile ice sheet will continue to melt even if global temperatures remain the same, but added that limiting climate change could slow the rate at which the ice disappears. What do you think?

Seems the ethical thing to do is finally put ice out of its misery.


Cheryl Elmore

Looks like these so-called 'experts' were right about this for decades.


Brett Roundy

That's what you get for having an ice sheet in the first place.


Lawrence Kehler

Donald Trump Pardons Susan B. Anthony

Donald Trump on Tuesday pardoned suffragist Susan B. Anthony, who was convicted and fined for voting in New York in 1872. What do you think?

This is going to really shake up his late 19th-century base.


Heather Manis

Donald Trump Pardons Susan B. Anthony

She may be pardoned, but she'll never be forgiven.


Clifton Stacker

Donald Trump Pardons Susan B. Anthony

Zounds! Could the Women's Suffrage Movement be more than just political poppycock?


Emily Sarvis

St. Louis Couple That Brandished Guns At BLM Protestors To Speak At RNC

A lawyer for Mark and Patricia McCloskey, who face felony charges for waving firearms at Black Lives Matter demonstrators walking down their street in June, confirmed the couple have been invited to speak at the 2020 Republican National Convention. What do you think?

Good choice. There was something so articulate and eloquent about the way they waved loaded firearms at people.


Kirk Johnstone

Better be careful, those folks flip out when a camera is pointed at them.


Axel Cole

The DNC must be embarrassed that all they could get was Michelle Obama.


Carol Clayton

Tiger King' Zoo Closed By USDA

The U.S. Department of Agriculture announced that it has suspended the exhibitor license for the Greater Wynnewood Exotic Animal Park, which was made famous in the Netflix documentary Tiger King earlier this year, citing multiple animal welfare violations. What do you think?

But wasn't the whole premise of the show about animal abuse being okay so long as you're interesting?


Frank Pacelli

Tiger King' Zoo Closed By USDA

Great, now I have to find another wedding venue.


Stu McGuire

Tiger King' Zoo Closed By USDA

Someone should probably check up on the humans there, too.


Lauren Rutledge

Hawaii Delays Tourism Reopening

Officials in Hawaii said Wednesday that the state will remain closed to tourists until at least October due to the recent increase in coronavirus cases. What do you think?

I can't imagine spending Halloween anywhere but the picturesque shores of Lanai.


Barry Burman

Hawaii Delays Tourism Reopening

They could at least open one of their shittier islands.


Roy Haskins

Hawaii Delays Tourism Reopening

Until October? Who's going to want to visit Hawaii when it's a frigid 78 degrees?


Rob Frommholz

Steve Bannon Indicted For Border Wall Fundraiser Fraud

President Trump's former chief strategist Steve Bannon was arrested and charged with defrauding donors out of hundreds of thousands of dollars through a crowdfunding campaign that claimed to be raising money for a border wall with Mexico. What do you think?

As someone who loves both the wall and the good grift, I am torn.


Kristina Stamler

At least he didn't do something harmful with the money like using it for its intended purpose.


Tim Sweeney

If we're prosecuting people for failing to deliver on GoFundMe campaigns, I really gotta finish this indie film.


Dallas Boyd

Russian Opposition Leader Hospitalized After Alleged Poisoning

Russian anti-corruption activist Alexei Navalny, one of Vladimir Putin's most outspoken critics, fell into a coma last Thursday after drinking tea that allies suspect was poisoned by Kremlin forces. What do you think?

This probably isn't going to improve his feelings toward Putin.


Caleb Trella

This is why I try to never say anything bad about anyone.


Orwin Sumner

Warner Bros. Resumes Movie Productions

Warner Bros. has started production on The Matrix 4 and will resume filming for The Batman and Fantastic Beasts And Where To Find Them 3 after shutting down in March due to coronavirus. What do you think?

If anyone can pretend things are totally normal, it's actors.


Jean Bailey

Warner Bros. Resumes Movie Productions

Thank God! I've been forced to watch original content all summer.


Rex Nicols

Warner Bros. Resumes Movie Productions

Whew, I can finally stop worrying about how Robert Pattinson's making ends meet.


Michael Codron

Girl Scouts Introduce New Cookie

The Girl Scouts announced they are introducing a new cookie called a Toast-Yay! for 2021, which is shaped like bread and flavored like French toast. What do you think?

Finally, the great taste of bread in a much smaller package.


Marla Farhat

Girl Scouts Introduce New Cookie

When I was a girl, we happily settled for one sweet treat: marriage.


Denny Baker

Girl Scouts Introduce New Cookie

I'm sure Thin Mints would love to see these new fucks come for the crown.


John Kassirer

Health Experts Warn Of 'Twindemic' As Flu Season Approaches

Doctors worldwide are urging people to get flu shots early this year due to concerns that a severe flu season could create a twindemic, placing added pressure on health care systems already struggling to fight the coronavirus. What do you think?

I can't believe they still haven't canceled flu season in light of everything that's happening.


Eliza Scott

That's assuming we don't have coronavirus licked in the next few weeks or so.


Bobby West

And here I am, still obsessing about rickets.


Joyce Schloemer

Florida To Release 750 Million Genetically Modified Mosquitoes

Local authorities in the Florida Keys approved a plan for 2021 to release hundreds of millions of mosquitos with a modified gene that causes female offspring to die in the larval stage, in hopes of reducing diseases spread by the insect. What do you think?


Troy Foxworth

I don't envy the person whose yard they release them in.


Clay Rydell

Unconscionable. I believe life begins in the larval stage.


Stella Ebden

Biden Resumes In-Person Campaigning

Former Vice President Joe Biden will begin visiting voters in battleground states across the country after the pandemic forced his campaign to halt in-person events earlier this year. What do you think?

Thank God I live in a state where my vote is irrelevant.


Mark Peabody

Biden Resumes In-Person Campaigning

You make a stronger connection with voters when you personally infect them with something.


Paul Scholer

Biden Resumes In-Person Campaigning

Is there maybe someone else they could send that might appeal to more voters?


Rosie Gellion

Teachers Nationwide Resign, Retire Amidst Coronavirus Chaos

Across the country, K-12 teachers are leaving the job citing challenges with remote learning as well as concerns about in-person teaching, including in New York State where retirements are up 20% compared to 2019. What do you think?

From the looks of this year's kindergartners, I don't blame them.


Tanner Comish

Luckily, coronavirus is going to reduce the number of students, too, so it works out.


Norman Fairclough

First, they don't want to teach over the internet, then they don't want to die—make up your minds.


Sandy Milne

Amazon Wins FAA Approval For Drone Delivery

The Federal Aviation Administration has awarded Amazon an air carrier certificate, clearing the way for the e-commerce giant to begin testing unmanned aircraft deliveries to customers. What do you think?

This is a good interim measure until Jeff Bezos can purchase a controlling stake in the sky.


Remmy Costa

I prefer to get my unmanned aircraft deliveries from small businesses.


Josiah Birenberg

I guess I never realized real people were delivering my packages in the first place.


Aaron Palmer

Appliance Shortage Hampers Labor Day Weekend Sales

Labor Day weekend sales will likely be greatly reduced this year as increased demand from consumers and reduced manufacturing capabilities have made it difficult for stores to keep appliances in stock. What do you think?

It's like we don't even know the meaning of Labor Day anymore.


Nathaniel Baggs

Man, America sure is getting inconvenient.


Christa Winscher

That can't be right. Have they checked in the back?


Tony Racano

Trump Visits Kenosha, Wisconsin Despite Pleas To Stay Away

Despite calls from the governor to stay away and allow residents to heal, President Trump on Tuesday toured Kenosha, Wisconsin, where an armed militant killed two people at a protest days after a police officer shot 29-year-old Jacob Blake. What do you think?

Wow, I guess outside agitators really are flying into Wisconsin to stir up trouble.


Kathleen Amarchand

I, too, have fallen victim to Wisconsin's irresistible pull.


Grayson Javo

He had to let the destruction know it had his full support.


Lance Taylor

Iowa State To Allow 25,000 Fans Into Stadium For Football Game

Iowa State University announced that 25,000 masked fans will be admitted into Jack Trice Stadium for the first football game of the season, even as the state has seen a 92% increase in new coronavirus cases over the last week. What do you think?

You don't put that many lives at risk for anything less than the Alamo Bowl.


Vivienne Berry

Oh come on, there can't possibly be that many people in Iowa.


Josh Dalman

It just sucks that there's no way to watch football remotely.


Kenneth Pickett

Akon Unveils Plans For $6 Billion 'Futuristic City'

R&B singer Akon has revealed plans for Akon City, a multi-billion dollar high-tech city located 60 miles outside the Senegalese capital that the musician says will trade in its own cryptocurrency called Akoin. What do you think?

I'm holding out to see what Ne-Yo's futuristic city is like before I commit to anything.


Paige Arthur

The moment I heard Smack That I knew this man was going to change the world.


Tucker Putnam

I was a little skeptical, but then I heard it involves cryptocurrency.


James Buston

Microsoft Unveils New Tech To Spot Deepfakes

Microsoft announced the development of new software to analyze whether photos and videos have been created artificially, which the company hopes will combat deepfake technology that can be used to make public figures appear to say and do things that they have not. What do you think?

I feel sorry for anyone who would stoop to posting fake content online for attention.


Alice Elson

I was wondering when one of the four companies was going to do something about this.


Stefano DeRosa

Oh, I'm not picky. Just photoshop Hillary Clinton's head on Hitler and I'm satisfied.


Reese Spidell

Walmart Debuts Membership Program To Compete With Amazon Prime

Walmart announced its new $98-a-year membership program called Walmart+ in an attempt to compete against Amazon Prime by providing free shipping on orders over $35. What do you think?

A handful of the benefits of Prime and I'm supporting the richest family in America? Sign me up!


Helena Grinley

Until Walmart starts treating its workers fairly, I'll be sticking with Amazon Prime.


Warren Mussenden

Americans Observe Labor Day

Yesterday was Labor Day, a day intended to honor the American labor movement and recognize the contributions of laborers. What did you do?

I took two 15-minute breaks and had a nice hour-long lunch.


Blake Hoyson

Americans Observe Labor Day

I participated in a workday reenactment to honor the first 8-hour shift in history.


Mindy Scarano

Americans Observe Labor Day

Sorry, I don't celebrate those BS Hallmark holidays.


Shirley Piemonte

Novak Djokovic Disqualified From U.S. Open

Tennis star Novak Djokovic, currently the top-ranked player in men's singles tennis, was disqualified from the U.S. Open on Sunday for unsportsmanlike conduct after he accidentally struck a line judge in the neck while hitting the ball in frustration. What do you think?

If they eliminated the balls, this kind of thing would stop happening.


Charles Boscardin

To be fair, it takes a lot of skill to hit that part of the neck.


Duke Thiessen

If you go after a line judge, you better make sure they're dead.


Gabe Moore

Microsoft Debuts 2 New Xbox Consoles

Microsoft will launch both the $499 Xbox Series X and the $299 Xbox Series S on November 10, with preorders beginning September 22. What do you think?

Uh, they're going to need a lot more Xboxes than that.


Candi Scocco

Microsoft Debuts 2 New Xbox Consoles

Perfect, one for my good son and one for my bad son.


Jack Heidar

Microsoft Debuts 2 New Xbox Consoles

I always say that the only one you should be in competition with is yourself.


Graham Werth

Drugmakers Sign Vaccine Safety Pledge

Nine pharmaceutical companies have pledged not to seek FDA approval for experimental coronavirus vaccines before their safety and efficacy have been proven in Phase 3 clinical trials, a move CEOs hope will bolster public confidence and reduce fears that political pressure is rushing the development process. What do you think?

This commendable commitment to safety is the opening I need to bring my vaccine first to market.


Noelle Perini

Drugmakers Sign Vaccine Safety Pledge

Wait, should I be rethinking the drugs they made without this pledge?


Fred Rosenblatt

Drugmakers Sign Vaccine Safety Pledge

If the government wants to put my life at risk, then that's their business.


Tim Ferriter

Los Angeles Walks Back Halloween Cancellation

Less than a day after announcing a ban on trick-or-treating, the L.A. County Department of Public Health walked back their decision, issuing revised guidelines stating that most Halloween-related activities were not recommended due to the coronavirus pandemic. What do you think?

Damn, I was really excited to see them arrest some little kids.


Irma Kosk

Thank God. I've been waiting all year for an excuse to wear a mask.


Gary Wambach

I'm sure Zoom trick-or-treating and some virtual candy will be just as appealing.


Gibson Vitello

Scaled-Back GOP Stimulus Bill Fails In Senate

Senate Republicans on Thursday failed to pass their scaled-down stimulus plan, which Democrats opposed as inadequate, likely ensuring that a second-round coronavirus relief package will not materialize until after the election. What do you think?

Smart. By waiting a couple more months, there'll be fewer Americans they'll have to spend money on.


Newt Heme

If they need help passing any other bills, I'm actually looking for work right now.


Annie Lam

With that out of the way, they can move on to the important business of renaming some post offices.


Geoff Jackson

Keanu' Rises In Ranks Of Popular Baby Names

The Social Security Administration's annual index of popular baby names reveals the name 'Keanu' surged 177 spots to the rank of 630th, likely due to the career comeback of Matrix and John Wick star Keanu Reeves. What do you think?

People are always jumping on dumb trends like having babies.


Kerry Anderson

What kind of creepy stalker takes the time to find out an actor's name?


Cecil Waldron

If these parents were real fans, they'd give their babies his last name, too.


Max Wittliff

Orcas Wage Attacks On Sailing Boats In Spain

Authorities say a group of killer whales have been surrounding and then ramming sailboats along the Spanish coast, often damaging the vessels in violent encounters that scientists are calling both concerning and abnormal. What do you think?

Just once I'd like to wake up and hear some good news about Spanish sailboats.


Taylor Southerland

I'm honestly not sure what took them so long to start fighting back.


Joel Kamin

Further proof that mankind was never meant to boat.


Dan LaVallee

Snake Lays Eggs Despite Not Being Near Male In 15 Years

Herpetologists at the St. Louis Zoo say a 62-year-old ball python has laid a clutch of eggs that are expected to hatch next month, despite the fact that the snake has not been near a male in at least 15 years. What do you think?

If no one else is going to take responsibility, I'm willing to do the honorable thing and marry this snake.


Connie Bennett

Being a single mom is hard enough already without being a snake.


Beth Milliken

Scientists Detect Potential Life On Venus

An international team of scientists say that a cloud of phosphine detected in Venus's atmosphere could be a marker of life on the planet, as non-biological explanations for the toxic gas such as volcanic activity would not produce such a large quantity. What do you think?

Oh, so I guess Europa can just fuck off and die now, huh?


Ray Medearis

Rude to be that close and never respond to any of our radio signals.


Edward Smalley

It was only a matter of time before scientists confirmed the possibility of other planets.


Vincent Bunch

2020 Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade To Be Television-Only Event

The 94th Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade will not be live this year due to the pandemic, with the event instead featuring pre-taped performances and special vehicles to anchor the enormous balloons normally controlled by hundreds of volunteers. What do you think?

It's so disappointing that this year an event I've only ever watched on TV will only be watchable on TV.


Sheila Bocknek

Yes. I'll finally get to see the inside of Snoopy's house.


Hank Moussi

But without the crowds, a procession of giant balloons is just a meaningless spectacle.


Gabe Capper

Smoke From California Wildfires Creates Hazy Skies Nationwide

Meteorologists say that smoke from California's record-setting wildfires is now floating in the atmosphere high above a large swath of the country, creating hazy skies as far as New York. What do you think?

It's incredible to think we're breathing the same hazardous air as big-time Hollywood celebrities!


Troy Verkerk

What a beautiful display of national unity.


Nathan Farrell

Madonna To Direct, Co-Write Her Own Biopic

Pop icon Madonna announced that she will direct her own biopic, co-written with screenwriter Diablo Cody, about her life and five-decade career. What do you think?

I'm curious to see who they get for the soundtrack.


Hanna Bouchard

Filmgoers have long been clamoring for more Madonna directors.


Nick McLennan

Smart of Diablo Cody to bring on board a true Madonna fan like Madonna to ensure the depiction is accurate.


Sophia McNulty

Scientific American' Endorses Presidential Candidate For First Time In 175 Year History

Scientific American released an editorial condemning Donald Trump and urging readers to vote for Joe Biden, citing his plans on the coronavirus, health care, and the environment, marking the magazine's first formal presidential endorsement since it began in 1845. What do you think?

These editors shouldn't let the fear of imminent environmental collapse affect their politics.


Jake Danchik

This could really eat into Trump's base of theoretical chemists.


Ryan Martinez

As a supporter of science, I always cast a write-in vote for Niels Bohr.


Tiffany Williams

Barbados To Remove Queen Elizabeth As Head Of State

The Caribbean island nation of Barbados plans to remove Queen Elizabeth as its head of state by the end of 2021 and become an independent republic. What do you think?

What a weird coincidence that they also have a Queen Elizabeth.


Karl Hayward

I warned England this would happen when they showed mercy to Belize.


Mike Dutton

Well don't come calling on the British Royal Navy when the Dutch invade.


Bo Gallagher

Virtual 2020 Emmy Awards Will Be Live Event

The 72nd Primetime Emmy Awards will broadcast live this Sunday hosted by Jimmy Kimmel, with performers and nominees participating from their homes. What do you think?

If it's successful, maybe they'll consider having a pandemic next year, too.


Dana Parnell

Exciting! You never know what can happen with a tightly scripted industry-awards showcase.


Larissa Whitley

Wildfires Leave Portland With Worst Air Quality In World

Fires blazing across the West Coast have left Portland, Oregon with the most polluted air in the world right now according to air-quality monitoring site IQAir, which lists the city's air as actively hazardous. What do you think?

Those of us who prepared did all of our breathing before fire season got started.


Brian Sadler

I'm so tired of Portland's constant need for recognition.


TJ Zaro

See, everyone wants to live near fire, but they don't consider the risks.


Jim Reibman

Airlines Offer Flights To Nowhere

Airlines in Japan, Brunei, Taiwan, and Australia have begun offering short flights that take off and land in the same location for people who miss flying, with many flights selling out as soon as they become available. What do you think?

I'm happy just parking at the airport for $60.


Gia Venegas

Airlines Offer Flights To Nowhere

There's so much more to flying than just buying a ticket, getting on a plane, taking off, and then landing.


David Hanford

Airlines Offer Flights To Nowhere

If it's that short a trip, I usually just drive.


Michael Porter

Trump Administration Names 3 Cities 'Anarchy Jurisdictions'

The Department of Justice on Monday named Seattle, Portland, and New York anarchy jurisdictions, and President Trump announced he would withhold federal aid from those cities, though constitutional law experts say the order would not likely be upheld in court. What do you think?

Oh please, these lists are always so biased.


Tom Calleja

True anarchists wouldn't accept federal money anyway.


Meghan Brunton

So that's what my realtor meant by my apartment being in trendy AnJu.


Joan Zambeli

Schitt's Creek' Sweeps Emmys

The Canadian television sitcom Schitt's Creek swept the 72nd Primetime Emmy Awards, taking home nine prizes, including all seven major awards for which it was nominated, and setting a record for most Emmy wins for a comedy series in a single season. What do you think?

That many wins is incredibly impressive, highly suspicious and deserves to be investigated.


Zeph Woodley

Schitt's Creek' Sweeps Emmys

I tried watching it a few years ago, but I just couldn't get into the Emmys.


Bill Stanlick

Schitt's Creek' Sweeps Emmys

I'll have to check that out. When does the new season start?


Mary Langberg

Mitt Romney Backs Filling Supreme Court Vacancy Before Election

Utah Senator Mitt Romney announced his support Tuesday for confirming a new Supreme Court Justice before the November election, clearing the way for President Trump's nominee despite publicly holding the opposite stance when President Obama nominated Merrick Garland in 2016. What do you think?

It's not fair to expect Mitt to appear principled when it doesn't benefit him.


Eric Alford

This would never have happened when RBG was alive.


Eddie Parslow

I'd better reevaluate my liberal heroes before Tom Cotton lets me down.


Anthony Adams

Xi Jinping Critic Sentenced To 18 Years In Prison

Chinese business tycoon Ren Zhiqiang was sentenced Tuesday to 18 years in prison on corruption charges, which legal observers believe is likely retaliation for penning an essay earlier this year in which he called President Xi Jinping a clown stripped naked who insisted on continuing being emperor. What do you think?

I can't believe China would ignore the First Amendment like this.


Peter Jopling

Before I share my opinion, let me double-check that I don't have any business interests there.


Naomi Hefferman

Why is it always the business tycoons who suffer the most?


Jacob Marcontel

Rare Books Stolen In Heist Found Under House In Romania

Police in Romania uncovered $3.2 million in rare books and manuscripts including first editions of works by Isaac Newton and Galileo Galilei hidden in a secret compartment underneath a house, which authorities believe were stolen in a London warehouse heist in 2017. What do you think?

Still, for three years it was a really good hiding spot.


Norman Young

That's a lot of trouble to go to for some old books considering the same info is probably on Wikipedia.


Paris Wroth

Wow, that sounds like something ripped straight from the plot of a much less valuable book.


Shannon Leong

California To Ban Sales Of New Gas-Powered Cars By 2035

California governor Gavin Newsom signed an executive order Wednesday that would outlaw the sale of new gas-powered cars and pickup trucks starting in 2035 in an effort to combat global warming. What do you think?

I'm optimistic we'll have found a new way to pollute California by then.


Danny Haveron

But I'd already heard such good things about the 2036 Chevy Tahoe.


Paul Ellis

So what will my car run on? A sauce of some kind?


Camille Patterson

Russia Arrests Cult Leader 'Jesus Of Siberia'

Russian authorities on Tuesday arrested 59-year-old Sergei Torop, who calls himself Vissarion the Teacher and who claims to be the reincarnation of Jesus, in a remote Siberian hamlet where he lives with thousands of his followers. What do you think?

Okay, but I'm gonna keep venerating him as my Lord and Savior just to be on the safe side.


Dean Groebe

Well, we obviously can't both be the reincarnation of Jesus.


Richard Skrepnik

Nice try, but I'm pretty sure Jesus was in his 30s.


Elijah Montgomery

Epic Games, Spotify, Match Group Band Together To Fight Apple's App Store Policies

Spotify, along with the developers behind Tinder and Fortnite, have announced a new nonprofit called the Coalition for App Fairness that seeks regulatory changes to Apple's app store policies, which the group claims are anti-competitive and bad for consumers. What do you think?

Why don't these companies just form their own Apple app store?


CJ Zilberman

I love when corporations fight over who gets to screw me more.


Patricia Wheeler

It's so painful to watch all my best friends fight.


Angela Gentzle

Botticelli Portrait Expected To Sell For Over $80 Million

A 550-year-old painting of a young nobleman by Renaissance master Sandro Botticelli is expected to sell for well over $80 million when it goes to auction next year, due in part to it being one of just 12 known portraits attributed to the artist. What do you think?

It seems like it would be a better deal to spend that money on 16,000 Thomas Kinkades.


Adam LeKae

This is the perfect piece to liven up the storage facility.


Vincent Stokes

Wow, that's just four easy installments of $20 million.


Donald Gent

Trump Nominates Judge Amy Coney Barrett To Supreme Court

President Trump announced Judge Amy Coney Barrett as his nominee for the Supreme Court, a former clerk for Justice Antonin Scalia who at 48 would be the youngest justice on the court if she is confirmed. What do you think?

Let's not rush to judgment purely because of her horrible record.


Lisa Montoya

I'll save my outrage for the inevitable confirmation.


Aaron Todd

Any word on which justice she will be replacing?


Simon Rocchetti

Astronaut To Vote From Space

For the second time in her career, NASA astronaut Dr. Kate Rubins will cast her vote for president from space, electronically forwarding her ballot from the International Space Station to Mission Control in Houston. What do you think?

Distrust for electronic voting is why I always deliver my ballot to NASA in person.


Matt Sullivan

Astronaut To Vote From Space

And yet voting remains elusive for all our many felon astronauts.


Cara Raymond

Astronaut To Vote From Space

It really shouldn't be that hard to find a polling place near your job.


Mark Adams

Biden, Trump Meet In First Presidential Debate

Former Vice President Joe Biden and President Donald Trump will go head-to-head in Cleveland, Ohio, tonight in the first of three scheduled debates, with topics focusing on Covid-19, the economy, and the Supreme Court. What do you think?

To ensure my vote stays objective, I'm going to hold off watching until after November 3.


Rich Newman

I don't think it's right to be holding debates this close to an election.


Jessie Hauser

I hope those needy Cleveland voters know this counts as a campaign stop, too.


Brady Ferlisi

Tennessee Titans Face Coronavirus Outbreak

The Tennessee Titans have suspended all in-person activities after three players and five team personnel members tested positive for coronavirus Tuesday, though no decision has been made yet on whether the team will play the Pittsburgh Steelers on Sunday as scheduled. What do you think?

Ugh, first it kills my grandparents, and now this.


Ryan Solik

If they don't think they can beat Pittsburgh, they should just say so.


Livia Haase

So? Stitch that shit up and get back out there.


Molly Kensinger

Scientists Say Time Travel Without Paradoxes Theoretically Possible

Researchers at the University of Queensland have released a new mathematical study that claims any changes made by a time traveler visiting the past would self-correct, creating a new timeline that may be altered but not drastically different. What do you think?

Why even bother going back in time if you can't cause irreparable damage?


Monte Conrad

I've long suspected that nothing I do matters.


Kim Troop

Amnesty International Halts Work In India

Amnesty International said it would cease operations in India following years of harassment and retaliation by the government, including freezing the human rights organization's bank accounts and interrogating staff members. What do you think?

This is why I've learned to just stay out of human rights abuses.


Doug Collier

Well, I wish them luck finding other countries with problems.


Peter Morris

To be fair, I wouldn't want them poking around here, either.


Sabrina Crespo

Court Approves $800 Million Settlement For Las Vegas Shooting Victims

A judge on Wednesday approved an $800 million settlement between MGM Resorts and more than 4,400 relatives and victims of the October 2017 Las Vegas mass shooting, with the casino paying $49 million and acknowledging no liability while its insurers cover the remaining $751 million. What do you think?

At least now we can put this national epidemic of gun violence behind us.


Hal Romero

I'm just relieved that all this worked out for everyone involved.


Josh Hollendeck

It's crazy that so much money can still seem like not enough money.


Eustace Ford

Irish Court Rules Subway Bread Does Not Meet Legal Definition Of Bread

The Irish Supreme Court has ruled that the loaves used to make Subway sandwiches contain too much sugar to meet the country's legal definition of bread, and therefore does not qualify for a 0% tax rate like other staple foods. What do you think?

Plenty of things don't meet the legal definition of bread, why focus on this one?


Natalie Bryant

I never order a hoagie without seeing certification paperwork first.


Gerald Tempe

To be fair, bread's pretty new and everyone's still figuring it out.


Mike Hendry

British Zoo Separates Parrots Caught Swearing At Visitors

A zoo in England has separated and removed from public view five African grey parrots after the birds were found repeatedly swearing at visitors and each other. What do you think?

You can't blame a wild animal for not knowing which guests are bitches.


Josiah DeVault

Zoos are depressing enough as it is when you aren't getting owned by birds.


Lexi Holmes

Okay, but remember it's not as bad when a British parrot says 'cunt.'


Sandra Flanegan

Pope Denies Audience With Pompeo Citing Election

A Vatican spokesperson has confirmed that Secretary of State Mike Pompeo will not be granted an audience with Pope Francis during his trip to Rome, citing the Holy See's long-standing custom of not meeting with political figures ahead of elections. What do you think?

Good. I don't want Pompeo influencing his vote.


Nick Spector

It's a sign of the times we live in that now even the secretary of state is considered a political figure.


Kenny Likowski

Disney's 'Hocus Pocus' Takes Second Place At Weekend Box Office 27 Years After Release

Nearly three decades after it was released, the Halloween cult classic Hocus Pocus starring Bette Midler, Sarah Jessica Parker, and Kathy Najimy earned $1.9 million in ticket sales this weekend, outperforming several new releases. What do you think?

Never underestimate the public's appetite for Kathy Najimy.


Mark Debney

I credit society's evolving views on witchcraft.


Kendra Leigh

Horse-Drawn Carriages Return To Central Park Following Covid-19 Break

Carriage horses and their drivers went back to work this week shuttling tourists around Central Park after a six-month break due to the pandemic, though their return was met with both anti-animal cruelty protestors as well as carriage driver supporters. What do you think?

If these anti-animal cruelty protestors can think of another way to get around Central Park, I'd love to hear it.


Lars Rabson

I guess I didn't get the job pulling carriages then, either.


Seth Kirshner

I'm sure the horses are just happy they finally have a chance to earn a paycheck again.


Sam Thorpe

Nobel Prize Awarded To Scientists Who Discovered Hepatitis C Virus

Three scientists have been jointly awarded this year's Nobel Prize in Medicine for their work on the hepatitis C virus, which has reduced transmission of the blood-based virus and paved the way for new treatments of a disease that kills 400,000 people every year. What do you think?

We shouldn't let these scientists' work overshadow the contributions of thousands of unsanitary tattoo parlors.


Jules Mullane

It's nice for hep C to finally get some positive press.


Abe Sinclair

Maybe someday we'll be able to get rid of blood forever.