Joshua Entwin

Drones Banned At Yosemite

Rangers at Yosemite National Park have issued a stern reminder to visitors that flying drones is banned within its boundaries, saying that using the unmanned aerial vehicles to take nature photos can disrupt wildlife and create noise pollution. What do you think?

How are we supposed to enjoy the park if we aren't even allowed to ruin it?


Carl Hallet

Drones Banned At Yosemite

A stern reminder? Fuck, they're serious about this.


Marilyn Conwell

Drones Banned At Yosemite

What if I'm just using it quietly in my tent?


Colton Brewer

Stephen Hawking: Artificial Intelligence Could Spell End For Mankind

In a column inspired by the sci-fi film Transcendence, physicist Stephen Hawking wrote that it would be a huge mistake to dismiss the threat of artificial intelligence, cautioning that the rise of A.I. could be the biggest event in human history and possibly the last. What do you think?

Oh, so suddenly Stephen Hawking is some big expert.


Gail Wilczek

Fifty bucks says global warming kills us first.


Aiden Russell

So did he think Transcendence was good, or what?


Casey Helms

Supreme Court: Public Meetings Can Have Opening Prayer

The Supreme Court voted Monday to allow public meetings at all levels of government to begin with an opening prayer, a decision many have criticized as violating the First Amendment clause forbidding the government from favoring certain religions or favoring believers over non-believers. What do you think?

Okay, but only Christian prayer. No need to go overboard.


Jennifer Keeling

That's fine. I'm sure beginning public meetings with a reminder that all who do not accept the blood of Christ are consigned to eternal damnation will not have a chilling effect on anyone who doesn't share those beliefs.


Bill Waterstone

Whatever it takes to pack in those crowds.


Jonathan Rhodes

Study: Firstborn Children Have More Ambition

A new study from the University of Essex has found that firstborn children are on average more ambitious and accomplished than their younger siblings, while firstborn girls are 13 percent more likely to pursue higher education than firstborn sons. What do you think?

I like to think that I have equally low expectations of all my children.


Michael Atwater

I knew there had to be a scientific reason my sister has a job and I don't.


Jennifer Gillen

As a second-born girl, I'd just like to say wooooo! Spring break!


Dan Blythe

Poll: Elite Colleges Don't Produce Happier Graduates

According to a new Gallup poll, going to a highly selective university doesn't lead to being happier in life, with survey results indicating that students who forge connections with inspiring professors are likelier to be happier and more engaged workers. What do you think?

Just tell me what to do and where to go to guarantee happiness forever.


Claire Taylor

Yeah, like I'll really believe a poll from those state-school morons over at Gallup.


Mitch Considine

Is there no joy in this world for the privileged?


Erin Carmichael

Scientists Developing Heat-Resistant Chickens To Withstand Climate Change

Scientists at the University of Delaware are working on breeding chickens with a lack of feathers on their necks, a trait that makes them more heat-resistant, as part of an effort to create animals that can withstand climate change. What do you think?

And here I was worried about climate change this whole time. I feel so stupid.


David Robertson

If this research leads to some kind of monstrous super-chicken that's comfortable at all temperatures, then God help us all.


Barry Haas

How much to upgrade the chicken I already got?


David Esposito

Mighty Morphin Power Rangers' Movie In The Works

Lionsgate announced that it's planning a film franchise reboot of the popular Mighty Morphin Power Rangers TV show, which features a group of teens who morph into super-warriors and pilot giant robots called Zords to save the world. What do you think?

So are they going to be dinosaur Zords or jungle animal Zords? Fucking tell me now!


Mary-Beth Haskell

I fear we're now too far removed from the Cold War for this to resonate.


Rob Bauer

Study: Seeing Jesus In Toast 'Perfectly Normal'

According to a new study, one reason people see the face of Jesus in toast and other everyday objects is because the human brain is hardwired to recognize facial features. What do you think?


Michelle Landers

For its own sake, I hope toast understands showing Muhammad is verboten.


John Hoefler

I wish somebody would see my face in something.


Ross Shinobu

McDonald's Testing Do-It-Yourself Seasoned Fries

McDonald's confirmed they're testing do-it-yourself seasoned french fries, which customers assemble by pouring packets of flavoring onto the fries in a special mixing bag, a concept that was introduced by Burger King in 2002 and failed. What do you think?

I'm flattered that McDonald's thinks I can handle this.


Jason Waterman

We may not have been ready for this in 2002, but we've grown so much as a nation since.


Cassandra Yount

Do we at least get some instructions first, or are they just going to throw us to the wolves?


Josh Hall

First Openly Gay Player Selected In NFL Draft

In the seventh and final round of the 2014 NFL Draft this weekend, Missouri defensive end Michael Sam was selected by the St. Louis Rams as the 249th overall pick, becoming the first openly gay player to join the NFL. What do you think?

Why can't this guy bottle up his sexual preference and channel it into explosive rage and violence like other players?


Rebecca Keener

It's nice to see the NFL take a step forward on its single biggest issue besides sexual assault, racist team names, and concussion-induced suicides.


Oliver Peet

I find it strange that a player's sexuality would be a subject of discussion. Are you sure this is professional sports we're talking about?


Simon Odell

Home Trampolines Responsible For 1 Million ER Visits

A new study has found that between 2002 and 2011, accidents involving backyard trampolines resulted in more than 1 million trips to the emergency room to treat bone fractures and other injuries. What do you think?

Sounds like a problem that can be solved with four or five surrounding trampolines.


Celeste Thorne

I don't blame the trampoline. My 8-year-old went into this with his eyes open.


Caleb Haley

Christ, am I the only goddamn person in this country who knows how to use a fucking trampoline?


Paul Austen

Casey Kasem Missing

A judge has ordered an investigation into the whereabouts of Casey Kasem, the 82-year-old radio personality known for his years of hosting the nationally syndicated American Top 40 countdown show, who has gone missing from his Los Angeles home. What do you think?

Coming all the way from number one in my heart this week is my hope that he's okay.


Elise Guilbert

Casey Kasem Missing

Casey Kasem? No way! Whatever happened to that guy?


Arthur Olsen

Casey Kasem Missing

It's okay. No one is buying music these days anyway.


John Frazen

Court: Company Lied About Health Benefits Of Finger Shoes

Vibram USA, the maker of popular running footwear known as finger shoes with individual pockets for each toe, has agreed to pay $3.75 million to settle a class-action lawsuit alleging that the company lied to consumers about the health benefits of the shoes. What do you think?

You mean the ability to run better has been inside me all along?


Margie Tingle

Let that be an immediately forgotten lesson to American consumers.


George Swensen

The number of babes I bagged because of finger shoes is all the cash settlement I need.


Reggie Steele

Pope Francis Says He Would Baptize Martians

While delivering a homily earlier this week in which he sought to emphasize the point that everyone has the right to receive the Holy Spirit, Pope Francis said that he would happily baptize Martians if they arrived at the Vatican and asked. What do you think?

Not surprised, considering he canonized St. Worf earlier this month.


Katherine Paul

As someone who hates God, I don't appreciate how fun this pope is. My day has been ruined once again!


Timothy Myles

So this is a big step for the Catholic Church, right?


Doug Corman

Study: Bullies Derive Health Benefits From Behavior

According to a new study, adolescents who bullied others showed lower levels of inflammation, leaving them at lower risk of heart disease and other chronic conditions, while their victims showed much higher inflammation levels. What do you think?

Yeah, but if I stood up for myself then I'd be dead already.


Beth Granger

The trick is to bully someone just enough that you reap the health benefits but not so much that they come to school and kill you.


Mike Haffeman

At least I took all those punches for someone.


James Antonucci

Being Ignored On Facebook Lowers Self-Esteem

According to a new study, Facebook users who receive little feedback from friends in the form of comments, likes, and other messages are more likely to experience low self-esteem and feelings of meaninglessness. What do you think?


Steve Weininger

My dad likes all my posts, and somehow that makes it worse.


Portia Barrientos

I don't think we're going to make it as a species anymore.


Tim Lefebvre

New York Times' Editor Fired

New York Times chairman Arthur Sulzberger Jr. announced Wednesday he's replacing Executive Editor Jill Abramson, the paper's first female newsroom chief, in a move media insiders say may have to do with Abramson questioning her salary level as compared to her male predecessors'. What do you think?

This is an inspirational story for all women who hope to one day rise to one of the most prestigious positions in their industry only to be fired from it under questionable circumstances.


Caroline Murray

New York Times' Editor Fired

I really don't see why we have to spoil this discussion by bringing the history of gender-discriminatory wage practices into it.


Gregory Bodt

New York Times' Editor Fired

After spending all that time writing stories about other people, it must be exciting for journalists to get to be the center of attention.


Morgan Doherty

Survey Finds 1 In 4 Adults Anti-Semitic

According to a new study commissioned by the Anti-Defamation League that surveyed more than 53,000 people worldwide, 1 in 4 adults across the globe are deeply infected with anti-Semitic attitudes. What do you think?

Well, sure, people are going to tell you they're deeply anti-Semitic if you ask them about it.


Heather Bertrang

Survey Finds 1 In 4 Adults Anti-Semitic

This must come as a huge shock to the Jewish people.


Richard Purham

Survey Finds 1 In 4 Adults Anti-Semitic

All I know is that I'm feeling a little excluded since I wasn't one of the 53,000 included in the survey.


Keith Jaczko

Sports Drink Company Putting First Advertisement On Moon

Japanese pharmaceutical company Otsuka has announced plans to put their sports drink Pocari Sweat on the moon in a specially equipped container bearing their logo, which, if successful, would be the first time a commercial product has been flown to the moon for marketing purposes. What do you think?

Good. I'm sick of seeing 'Your Ad Here' every time I look up at the night sky.


Stephanie Bregman

I didn't think I could possibly be any more excited to drink something called Sweat, but here we are.


Chris Suchy

What an exciting new chapter in human shamelessness.


Jackson Cahn

Japanese Fans: New Godzilla Too Fat

According to the Japanese Times, die-hard Godzilla fans are complaining that the monster in the new Hollywood remake of the classic 1954 film looks too fat, with many users joking that the giant reptile has eaten too much American food. What do you think?

Sorry if we like a little meat on our monsters.


Stanley Rundles

Japanese Fans: New Godzilla Too Fat

Well, they say the camera adds at least 50,000,000 pounds.


Sylvia Lang

Japanese Fans: New Godzilla Too Fat

I just hope I look that good when I'm 60 years old.


Karl Wood

Michael Jackson Hologram Performs At Billboard Music Awards

At Sunday night's Billboard Music Awards, a hologram of the late singer Michael Jackson performed the song Slave to the Rhythm from his posthumous album, Xscape. What do you think?

Bringing MJ back as a dancing hologram five years after his death is exactly the kind of closure I needed.


Rachel Urban

He was robbed of a normal childhood by his father and robbed of a normal adulthood by celebrity, so I guess it makes sense that we should deny him death, too.


Jason Thirlby

It must have been inspiring for all the other pop stars in attendance to see what awaits them.


Chad Gleeson

Americans Overstate Claims Of Church Attendance

According to a new study, Americans are prone to exaggerating how often they attend church depending on how they are asked, with 36 percent of Americans reporting church attendance in a phone survey compared to the 31 percent answering online surveys. What do you think?

Of course I attend. All children of Ba'al know that He is sated only by our steady and unflinching sacrifice.


Olivia Snyder

Did this study include Jew and Muslim church?


Francis Kirkwood

The Americans willing to do live phone interviews are so lonely they'll say whatever will keep you on the phone just a little longer.


Martin Tyler

Chipotle: Don't Bring Guns Into Our Restaurants

In response to an incident in which gun rights advocates brought military-style assault rifles into a restaurant, fast food chain Chipotle has announced that it will require customers to check guns at the door before entering stores. What do you think?

I wish Chipotle would just tell me which weapons we can bring.


Yvette Johnson

I'm sure gun rights advocates will yield to this reasonable request with their usual civility.


Allen Scinelli

But what if you're just there to use the bathroom?


Jason Breschi

Axl Rose Ranked Greatest Vocalist Of All Time

According to a new chart comparing the vocal ranges of 100 singers across different music genres and eras, Guns N' Roses frontman Axl Rose is the greatest vocalist of all time with a singing range of five octaves. What do you think?

I'm glad this humble, gentle giant of music is finally getting the credit he's due.


Johan Knowles

Ranking singers' worth chiefly on their technical proficiency is so rock and roll.


Eden Wagner

Greatest vocalist? Hardly. Greatest lyricist? Absolutely.


Lena Macdonald

Facebook 'Ask' Feature Lets Friends Inquire About Relationships

Facebook has begun rolling out a new profile feature in which an Ask button is displayed beside items in a user's About page, including the Relationship Status section, so that users can directly ask if their friends have a significant other. What do you think?

You're not supposed to ask for that kind of information; you're supposed to deduce it by browsing through hundreds of someone's personal photos and wall posts.


Daniel Chouler

Can I still ask my friends about stuff in person, or do I have to use Facebook for everything now?


Luke Bailey

This is ridiculous. If people want to know my relationship status, they can just ask me. Or email or text. Or this button thing you're talking about.


Harold Parsons

Nutella Turns 50

This month marks the 50th anniversary of Nutella, the popular spread made from cocoa, skim milk, and hazelnuts that's consumed in 160 countries around the world. What do you think?


Candice Gemberling

Nutella Turns 50

I use that stuff all the time. I had no idea you could eat it, though.


Tyler Dobson

Nutella Turns 50


Scott Metzstein

Levi Strauss CEO: Stop Washing Your Jeans

Speaking at a sustainability conference Tuesday, Levi Strauss CEO Chip Bergh told consumers that washing jeans is an unnecessary process that wastes water, and instead recommended placing jeans in the freezer to kill germs. What do you think?


Will Hauldren

Good! There's nothing quite like pulling a fresh pair of jeans right from the freezer.


Kristen Wennerholm

That's all right. I'm okay wasting the water.


William Kesteren

Petco To Stop Selling Dog, Cat Treats Made In China

The pet supply retail chain Petco has announced that after the deaths of 1,000 dogs were linked to consuming chicken, duck and jerky treats imported from China, it will cease selling Chinese-made pet treats in its 1,300 stores across the nation. What do you think?

For me this issue is mostly academic, as I've been banned from all 1,300 Petco locations.


Max Whinnett

Now where is my dog going to get his daily recommended allowance of cadmium?


Sarah Cavalli

Thankfully I've been importing Chinese ducks for months for just such an emergency.


Barry Conover

Leonardo DiCaprio Auctions Off Trip To Space With Him

At the annual Foundation for Aids Research auction on Thursday, Leonardo DiCaprio auctioned off a trip accompanying him to outer space in 2015 for more than $1 million. What do you think?

I'm a little short on cash. How much to go with Casey Affleck?


Elizabeth Morin

But 2015 is when I'm going to the center of the earth with Robert Redford.


Perry Granger

I don't have that kind of money, but I can toss in my Aviator 2 script, which will make 10 times that if done right.


Martin Hass

Abercrombie Stores Minimizing Music, Cologne Smell To Win Back Teens

After years of lagging sales, retail chain Abercrombie & Fitch is reportedly trying to ditch its stores' nightclub vibe by installing brighter lights, minimizing loud music and the smell of cologne, and featuring fewer pictures of half-clothed models on the walls. What do you think?

Big mistake. Today's teens still like things loud and smelly.


Dennis Hutmacher

You know what? It wasn't easy for me to put down the cologne, loud music, and half-naked pictures to get the teens to come back, but I did, and they have.


Merrill Jollenbeck

All I look for in a clothing store is good prices and a sword swallower.


Tim Fernandez

Study: Nearly Half Of Americans Can't Swim

According to a new study by the Red Cross, 46 percent of Americans who say they know how to swim can't perform the five water safety skills that are essential for saving oneself from drowning. What do you think?

If we have to learn all that stuff, then what the hell are we paying all the lifeguards for?


Oliver Brogan

Rising sea levels will weed them out soon enough.


Amanda Firmani

Can't we just strap them to the other half who can?


Harry Chapman

Parents Paying Professionals To Pack Kids' Summer Camp Bags

To reduce the stress of getting kids ready for summer camp, parents in New York City are reportedly paying professional organizing companies up to $250 per hour to pack their children's bags with high-quality sheets, fancy soaps, and other supplies. What do you think?

But the point of summer camp is learning to discriminate based on popularity and athletic prowess, not wealth.


Gabe Lehrman

Yeah, it's probably better for everyone if these particular parents don't have too much direct contact with their kids.


Jennifer Balch

With unforeseen expenses like this popping up, no wonder it costs so much to raise a kid these days.


Randal Cohle

Company Unveils 'Drinkable Sunscreen'

A company called Osmosis Skincare has developed an ingestible sunscreen called UV-Neutralized Harmonized Water, which allegedly provides SPF 30 protection by making water molecules beneath the skin vibrate to cancel out harmful rays. What do you think?

Finally, a sunscreen I can drink without shame.


Tory Monaghan

Company Unveils 'Drinkable Sunscreen'

I can't wait to ask a hottie at the beach if he can help me out by pouring some UV-Neutralized Harmonized Water down my throat.


Jackson Dunn

Company Unveils 'Drinkable Sunscreen'

Can I still wear my sunglasses, or do I have to eat those, too?


Lydia Maddock

UConn Holding 'Football 101' Clinic For Female Fans

The UConn Huskies announced that the team will host a clinic for female fans instructing them on the basics of football, with officials saying the course is not meant to be condescending to women and that many women may in fact know more about the sport than men. What do you think?

Sure, I guess UConn's course is fine if you couldn't get into Yale's football clinic.


Tim Worsely

It's true that some football rules—like the one where players aren't punished for assaulting women—can be pretty confusing to non-fans.


Dermot Himschoot

You know you're on the right track when you have to explain that your class isn't meant to be condescending to women.


Tim Randolph-Davis

Study: College Education More Valuable Than Ever

According to a new analysis by the Economic Policy Institute, though recent graduates often struggle to find work and student debt has passed the $1 trillion mark, a college education is more valuable than ever because the wage gap between grads and non-grads continues to grow. What do you think?

Really? Well then, by all means, raise tuition.


Paul Ocshe

I've found it pretty easy to just say I have a college degree and reap the rewards that way.


Aurielle Peters

And that doesn't even take into account that college is where you get the best nicknames.


Gerald Havermeyer

Apple Buys Beats Electronics For $3 Billion

Apple announced this week they will pay $3 billion to buy music brand Beats Electronics, the maker of the popular Beats by Dre premium headphones, bringing co-founders Dr. Dre and Jimmy Iovine onto their executive team. What do you think?

Just when you thought Apple couldn't get any more street.


Margaret Joff

I knew these headphones were going to be hugely successful when I heard about that kid who got murdered for his pair.


Bill Koerner

Steve Jobs would've gotten all of N.W.A.


Mary Neisler

LeVar Burton Raises $1 Million To Bring Back 'Reading Rainbow'

Actor LeVar Burton launched a $1 million crowdfunding campaign on the website Kickstarter to produce new online episodes of Reading Rainbow, the children's TV show about the joy of reading that ran on PBS from 1983 to 2006, and raised the money in less than a day. What do you think?

As much as I'd love to see new episodes, I feel like the show really completed its arc in 2006.


Shane Maldonado

I really wish Reading Rainbow had been there for me last year when I was struggling with Thomas Pynchon's Bleeding Edge.


Owen Kirkpatrick

That's incredible! Has anyone else thought of profiting from nostalgia?


J.D. Wolfe

High School Makes Girls' Yearbook Photos Less Sexy

Wasatch High School in Utah is facing criticism after several female students discovered the yearbook staff had altered their photos by digitally adding sleeves and higher necklines, changes officials said were made to comply with the school's dress code. What do you think?

That's horrible. You should only digitally alter photos of women to make them look thinner.


David Krause

Oh, I don't know. I still think they're plenty sexy.


Grace Corrollo

And yet my daughter's yearbook let her look like a little harlot. Shows how much they care.


Ted Corsick

White House Swaps With Taliban To Free U.S. Soldier

The Obama administration has reached a deal with Taliban leaders to release Sgt. Bowe Bergdahl, the last American prisoner of war in Afghanistan, in exchange for five Guantanamo Bay detainees, a decision that has been criticized by GOP leaders who argue that it violates the nation's policy of not negotiating with terrorists. What do you think?

Wow, the GOP must really be upset to just openly criticize Obama like that.


Stan McGinty

It's unconscionable that we're releasing these Gitmo detainees now for a prisoner swap when legally they should have been released years ago for nothing.


Katie Hoyt

I bet beneath those five black hoods are five great big smiles.


Matt Thune

Study: Dads Who Do Dishes Have More Ambitious Daughters

According to a new study, the daughters of men who regularly wash the dishes are more likely to aim for prestigious professions in a wider range of fields than the daughters of parents who don't share domestic chores equitably. What do you think?

That would explain my daughter's uncontrollable thirst for power.


Rebecca Ben-Victor

Meanwhile, our nation's sons still have no options at all.


Henry Stifel

What's the precise division of domestic duties my wife and I need to embrace to make sure my daughter becomes an actuary?


James Pasternack

Study: Cat People Smarter Than Dog People

According to a study that looked at traits in 600 college-aged pet owners, while dog owners tended to be more lively, cat owners were more likely to be non-conformists and scored higher on intelligence tests than their canine-loving counterparts. What do you think?

That's why those cat hoarders on TV always make such eloquent points.


Paul Abadie

I shall raise my son with one dog and one cat and allow him to choose for himself between the life of the body and the life of the mind.


Alexa Yates

What about lizard people? What's their deal?


Mitchell Gold

Wife Throws Raw Meat At Casey Kasem's Daughter

The feud between family members of radio personality Casey Kasem escalated after his wife, who was earlier accused of kidnapping the sickly 82-year-old from his L.A. home, allegedly hurled a pound of raw meat at stepdaughter Kerri Kasem and told reporters that she was inspired to do so by a verse from the King James Bible. What do you think?

I'm just glad Casey Kasem isn't alive enough to see this.


Candace Gregory

The Bible's meat-throwing passages were never meant to be taken literally.


Michael Huffman

This completely uninteresting story just keeps getting weirder!


Robert Nesbitt

Study: 1 In 6 Public School Teachers Were 'Chronically Absent' Last Year

According to a new report from the National Council on Teaching Quality, 1 in 6 public school teachers were chronically absent last year, missing 18 school days or more. What do you think?

This would be a major problem if our nation's public schools didn't have such high-quality substitute teachers.


Karl Pennington

Shame on these perpetually absent teachers for treating the American education system with the same level of respect the rest of us do.


Michelle Oppher

So do we cut school funding again, or what?


Mark Ghastin

Hurricanes With Female Names Kill More People

According to new research, hurricanes given female names tend to be more deadly than ones with male names because people subconsciously assume the former will be less destructive and take fewer safety precautions as a result. What do you think?

Dammit. Aren't any of my subconscious gender biases ever helpful?


Daniel Platco

Isn't that just like a woman to sucker you with a pretty name and then flood your city with 7 billion gallons of seawater.


Phillip Neil

Live-Action 'Beauty And The Beast' In The Works

Following the box-office success of the live-action films Maleficent, Oz: The Great and Powerful, and Alice in Wonderland, Disney has announced that it's planning a live-action version of its 1991 animated classic Beauty and the Beast. What do you think?

I've loved sharing the classic animated version with my daughter, and now I'm even more excited to deflate her sense of wonder with a grounded revisionist take.


Janice Keuther

A live-action Lion King might be cool if the cast didn't eat one another.


Ralph Purnhagen

Wait—Disney didn't already release a new live-action version of Beauty and the Beast? Then what the hell did I just watch?


John McClenahan

National Park Service Provides Deer Meat To Homeless

In response to exploding populations of deer around Washington, D.C. parks, the National Park Service reportedly hired sharpshooters to cull some of the animals and then donated the meat to local homeless shelters. What do you think?

So all I have to do to get fresh deer meat is pretend I'm homeless?


Margery Berenson

It's an exciting time to be homeless, that's for sure.


Bill Campbell

Isn't there a way we could just kill deer without helping people?


Florence Fogel

Disney Sells Princess Leia Merchandise After Twitter Protest

After a group of parents used the Twitter hashtag #WeWantLeia to protest the fact that the Disney Store currently has no Star Wars toys for girls, Disney has announced that it will roll out several new items featuring Princess Leia. What do you think?

I hope they have plenty of items from when Leia was a sex slave in a metal bikini who couldn't talk. That's my daughter's favorite!


Alex Schloop

I always thought IG-88 was the Star Wars toy for girls.


Rick Perrodin

So there's hope for my #WeWantNienNunb hashtag after all!


Tyler Dunn

Taco Bell Adds 'Quesarito' To Official Menu

After testing out a new menu item called the quesarito in Oklahoma City to much success, Taco Bell has decided to add the new creation, a beef burrito tucked inside a cheese quesadilla, to its official menu. What do you think?

Yeah, but how's the item going to do in markets not filled with a bunch of food snobs?


Milly Feldman

I don't think this could possibly compare to my homemade quesarito recipe where I take a Taco Bell beef burrito and manually insert it into a Taco Bell quesadilla.


Aaron Mallard

We Americans are powerless against edible portmanteaus.


Kim Perkins

Justin Bieber Baptized In NYC Bathtub

Pop star Justin Bieber was baptized in a friend's bathtub this weekend after weeks of Bible study and church services, with celebrity blogs reporting that the 20-year-old sought spiritual guidance in an attempt to wash away his sins following a scandal in which videos emerged of him using racial slurs. What do you think?


David Clennon

Justin Bieber Baptized In NYC Bathtub

Great, now my teenage daughter's going to be begging me for $300 so she can reaffirm her devotion to God, too.


Scott McShane

Justin Bieber Baptized In NYC Bathtub

Never let it be said that Bieber's PR people aren't bringing new ideas to the table.


Ben McNairy

Report: More Couples Getting Social Media Prenups

According to a report by ABC News, more couples are opting to include social media clauses in their prenuptial agreements dictating what their spouses can and can't post online, with some couples including fines as steep as $50,000 for posting an unflattering picture of their partner. What do you think?

You can't get any more legally precise than evaluating which pictures are good.


Neil Dunne

It's a great idea if you're planning on marrying someone you sort of know but don't have a good feeling about.


Missi Holbrook

But we're still allowed to embarrass ourselves on social media, right?


Patrick Gilpin

FDA Orders Warning Labels On Tanning Beds

The FDA has moved tanning beds from low-risk to a moderate-risk classification and will require the beds to have warning labels stating they should not be used by minors, citing data showing that 2 million teens, including 3 in 10 suburban high school girls, use tanning beds each year. What do you think?


Clara Thorne

If anything's going to convince a teenager they're not actually invincible, it's pointing out a behavior risk considered moderate.


Nick Abbott

Did the study have any other data about what high school girls like?


Scott Glazer

More Crimes Linked To 'Slender Man' Internet Meme

Following an incident in which two teenage girls allegedly attacked a friend to honor the fictional internet meme, police are reporting more incidents of violent crime linked to Slender Man, a tall, faceless paranormal creature popularized on sites like Creepypasta. What do you think?

Oh, like you've never attacked someone to honor an internet meme.


Donna Nevins

Being a defense attorney must be the worst when you have to say Creepypasta during a trial.


Mark Ecklund

What we need is for Good Guy Greg to step in and fix this.


Tom O'Neill

Computer Passes Turing Test, Successfully Impersonates Human

A computer program in the U.K. has arguably passed the famous Turing test, an evaluation to determine whether machines can be considered to have artificial intelligence, by convincing one-third of a judging panel that they were chatting with a 13-year-old Ukrainian boy. What do you think?

Kudos to the programmers, who not only passed the Turing test, but somehow persuaded people to chat with a 13-year-old boy in the first place.


Adam Felber

Great ruse, since I can't think of a single question to ask about present-day Ukraine to try to stump it.


Jeanne Simpson

We all knew the day would come when computers would usurp the position of 13-year-old Ukrainian boys in our society.


Rosamund Collings

5-Star Resort For Dogs Opens In Spain

A new five-star hotel for dogs called the Resort Canino Can Janè has opened near Barcelona with features that include a world-class swimming pool with slides and fountains specially designed for canines. What do you think?

That sounds like it would be worth 14 hours in the cargo hold.


David Hawthorne

5-Star Resort For Dogs Opens In Spain

Great. Now that 'five-star resort for dogs' is a real thing, I need a new euphemism for 'kill shelter.'


Jamie Donnelly

5-Star Resort For Dogs Opens In Spain

Do they have a rickety shed out back where I can sleep?


Bryan Guse

U.S. Coach: America Will Not Win World Cup

As the 2014 FIFA World Cup kicks off today in Brazil, U.S. coach Jürgen Klinsmann is taking flak for stating at a press conference that For us now, talking about winning a World Cup is just not realistic, a comment that many U.S. fans have viewed as defeatist and un-American. What do you think?

What a fatalist. This guy also probably thinks soccer will never be more popular than football in the U.S.


Ashley Prud'homme

Look, he's just trying to manage expectations in the mistaken belief that anybody has any.


Robert Tarpinian

Won't he have egg on his face when he's holding that giant trophy.


Tracy Liffmann

Starbucks Adding Grilled Cheese To Menu

To compete with rivals like Dunkin' Donuts that sell lunch items, Starbucks has announced they will add grilled cheese sandwiches to their menu for $5.25, in addition to a turkey pesto panini on focaccia for $5.95. What do you think?

I can't wait to figure out an annoying way to order this.


Fred Richert

Starbucks Adding Grilled Cheese To Menu

Aw, I always thought Starbucks and Dunkin' Donuts were friends.


Michael Clements

Starbucks Adding Grilled Cheese To Menu

I'm glad they're sticking with their core strength of things you could easily make yourself if you just woke up 10 minutes earlier in the morning.


Michael Rusch

Facebook Lifts Ban On Breastfeeding Photos

After drawing criticism for prohibiting photos of breastfeeding mothers under its no-nipples policy, Facebook has quietly lifted the ban and started allowing mothers to post breastfeeding photos without risk of removal, though all other pictures of nipples, including artistic displays, remain off-limits. What do you think?

Finally, a way to see some breasts on the internet.


Alexis Marshall

Breastfeeding is a natural part of social media.


Dale Liffmann

I guess it's time to pull the plug on my all-breastfeeding-photos Facebook competitor.


Kevin Becker

Starbucks To Pay Baristas' College Tuition

Starbucks announced Monday that as part of an effort to save the American middle class, the coffee chain will pay for baristas working 20 or more hours a week to attend online classes at Arizona State University. What do you think?

It's nice to know that when our civic institutions fail us, our mid-price coffee chains are there to step in.


Marcia DiBartolomeo

Sounds like a wonderful program, but if it drives up the price of drinks by even a single penny I'm going to throw a fucking fit.


Gavin Simson

It's still cool to work there aimlessly though, right?


Richard Mason

Study: 'Cool Kids' Struggle As Adults

According to a decade-long study that tracked hundreds of teenagers into adulthood, students who were considered cool kids in middle school turned out to have more problems as adults, such as substance abuse and criminal behavior. What do you think?

I always thought most people struggled as adults.


Elliott McFadden

Study: 'Cool Kids' Struggle As Adults

Maybe so, but Brian Seagil still drove his parents' car around at 14, and nothing can take that away from him.


Marsha Cummings

Study: 'Cool Kids' Struggle As Adults

I still want my kids to be cool and admired by their peers. I don't care what the consequences are.


Rachel Lawrence

International Space Station To Get Espresso Machine

Astronauts aboard the International Space Station will be getting a new espresso machine in November as part of the Italian Space Agency's Futura mission. What do you think?

Finally, a way to stop those expensive coffee runs back to Earth.


Mike Hagel

Good. Everyone knows astronauts are at their best when they're jittery.


Peter Kelejian

O.J. Simpson Car Chase Hits 20th Anniversary

Today marks 20 years since the day that football star O.J. Simpson, who had been named as a suspect in the murder of his wife, led police on a low-speed highway chase as 95 million gathered around to watch live on television. What do you think?

Aw, man. Our family never gathers around the television set anymore.


Gabriel Quebodeoux

Think about it: Would an innocent man just let himself get arrested?


Megan Scranton

Thank God that era of shameless television voyeurism is over.


Kyle Greely

Mysterious Portrait Discovered Beneath Picasso Painting

Using advanced infrared technology, art experts scanned the famous Picasso painting The Blue Room and discovered a hidden portrait underneath featuring a mysterious bow-tied man. What do you think?


Amanda Baum

If Picasso didn't care about him, I don't care about him.


Joe Sperling

Man, I hope no one goes looking under shit I painted over.


Allie Maserole

Thomas The Tank Engine Theme Park Announced

Massachusetts heritage railroad site Edaville USA has announced that it will soon break ground on a theme park based on the children's television series Thomas the Tank Engine. What do you think?

Thank God they're finally building a theme park my kids will never drag me to.


Eric Nathe

I still don't get how this would be more fun than just hanging out at a regular train station.


Marty Gruet

YouTube Threatens To Block Indie Musicians

YouTube has threatened to block music videos from independent labels that have not yet signed on to its upcoming subscription service, YouTube Music Pass, meaning that many indie musicians could be blacklisted from the streaming service. What do you think?

It serves them right for trying to make it in the music business without the backing of a major corporation.


Andrew Benson

Maybe it's time those indie musicians grow up and help sell some ads like the rest of us.


Ginger Hawley

What about fan-made ukulele covers of those artists' songs?


Megan Genovese

Mattel Introduces Entrepreneur Barbie

Toymaker Mattel has unveiled its upcoming Entrepreneur Barbie doll, which comes equipped with a smartphone and LinkedIn account and was created under a partnership with eight real female entrepreneurs the company calls Chief Inspiration Officers. What do you think?

Nice to see being a corporate monster has become gender-neutral.


Phil Nelson

Mattel Introduces Entrepreneur Barbie

Accessorizing Barbie with a smartphone is the kind of innovative thinking that could only come from collaborating with eight real-life entrepreneurs.


Bob Hankey

Mattel Introduces Entrepreneur Barbie

What's the point? I'm just gonna strip her naked and make her fight Donatello anyway.


Miles Faidley

FDA Proposes Social Media Guidelines For Drug Companies

In order to prevent the posting of misleading information about medications, the FDA has proposed social media guidelines requiring drug companies to post both the benefits and risks of a drug, which experts say effectively limits their advertising on Twitter and Facebook. What do you think?

That's fine. My insurance company only lets me follow generic brands anyway.


Nathan Lobell

Agreed. It's really not possible to get a complete understanding of the benefits and risks of a drug without a full 15-second TV ad.


Allison Scheuer

What about Instagrams of the awesome pills people are about to swallow?


Martha Toker

New York Outlaws Pet Tattoos, Piercings

New York lawmakers have passed a bill forbidding pet owners from giving their pets tattoos, piercings, and other body modifications under the argument that it constitutes animal cruelty. What do you think?

That's bullshit! Here's Luna's paw print, right on the consent form!


David Aylward

New York Outlaws Pet Tattoos, Piercings

That's great to hear, because I'm the kind of guy who needs a law to stop him from doing this.


Jim Ruch

New York Outlaws Pet Tattoos, Piercings

They clearly have no idea how difficult it is to remove ear gauges from a dachshund.


Christopher Miller

Pope Excommunicates Italian Mobsters

During a trip to the Calabria region of Italy, the power base of a global drug trafficking syndicate, Pope Francis announced that all Mafia members are automatically excommunicated from the Catholic Church. What do you think?

Big talk from the guy with the creator of the universe on his side.


Kendra DeBlois

Pope Excommunicates Italian Mobsters

But can the mob guys in movies still act all religious while also killing people? Because I always thought that was a cool dynamic.


Roy Arnold

Pope Excommunicates Italian Mobsters

There goes his shot at getting a cool mobster nickname.


Gabrielle Shoker

Study: Kids With Less Structured Schedules More Successful

According to new research, young children who are afforded more flexibility in their schedules to engage in open-ended, less supervised activities like reading and drawing develop better executive functioning skills than those with structured activities like piano lessons. What do you think?


Matt Lynch

Then my kids must be doing great, wherever they are right now.


Christopher Willis

But rich kids are still better than poor kids, right?


Britni Pierce

Standing Meetings Can Increase Productivity

A new study has found that employees have more productive group meetings when they stand, suggesting that companies should adopt furniture designs and layouts that discourage sitting. What do you think?

Next thing you know, they'll say 'listening' and 'writing things down' will increase productivity too.


Jesse Kagan

Did we really spend 10,000 years building a civilization where we get to sit all the time just to give that up?


Shane Carmichael

I don't know about that, but it does sound better than 'we don't have enough chairs.'


Richard Omstead

Great White Shark Populations Surging Off East Coast

Nearly 40 years after the film Jaws spread fear of great white sharks that contributed to widespread hunting, scientists report that their populations are surging along the U.S. East Coast due in part to conservation efforts. What do you think?

A few more years of rising ocean temperatures will take care of them.


Elizabeth Clegg

When Spielberg started out to make Jaws, I bet he had no idea his vision of wiping out an entire species would fail so miserably like this.


Bruce McDaniel

It's an exciting time to be a shark, that's for sure.


Cassidy Logan

Starbucks To Sell Handcrafted Sodas

Following recent moves to add more lunch offerings, Starbucks has announced that it will soon begin offering individually crafted, made-to-order sodas from the beverage brand Fizzio, which will come in the flavors Spiced Root Beer, Golden Ginger Ale, and Lemon Ale. What do you think?

Finally, there's somewhere to get a decent lemon ale.


Evan Finch

Starbucks To Sell Handcrafted Sodas

I don't need to hear the particulars. Just get the sugar in my body.


Andrew Marcus

Starbucks To Sell Handcrafted Sodas

They couldn't have thrown the word 'vintage' in there somewhere?


Casey Morris

Facebook Bans Sale Of ISIS Clothing

Facebook has announced it is removing pages that are selling merchandise bearing the brand of militant group Islamic State in Iraq and Syria, including T-shirts with slogans such as We Are All ISIS and Fight for Freedom, Until the Last Drop of Blood. What do you think?

Finally, we're hitting them where it hurts.


Maria Hudnall

Facebook Bans Sale Of ISIS Clothing

I would never buy clothing from a terrorist organization without trying it on first.


Grant Bemis

Facebook Bans Sale Of ISIS Clothing

It's about time. I've been complaining for months that they stole their slogan 'Fight for Freedom, Until the Last Drop of Blood' from my intramural kickball team.


Kendall Warsinger

The Lion King' Turns 20

This week marks the 20th anniversary of the theatrical release of The Lion King, Disney's classic musical adventure film, which remains one of the most popular animated movies of all time. What do you think?

Twenty years and there hasn't even been a reboot yet? What a piece of shit.


Brian Raad

The Lion King' Turns 20

My daughter used to have the biggest crush on Simba, until I explained he was just a series of still images manipulated to create the illusion of motion.


David Scrabis

The Lion King' Turns 20

It's incredible what Disney is capable of when it has a Japanese animated feature it can rip off.


Aimee Fletcher

Supreme Court: Police Need Warrant To Search Cell Phones

In a landmark victory for digital privacy rights, the Supreme Court ruled unanimously Wednesday that police need to get a warrant before searching the cell phone of a person they've arrested. What do you think?

It's always so exciting when a ruling is unanimous!


Clint Bernard

This sends a clear signal to the authorities that if you spend decades systematically eroding our civil liberties, eventually the Supreme Court will step in and defend them in a very limited and largely symbolic way.


Jeff Brooks-Volkmann

That's right. If police want to browse through my cell phone pictures they can go to DougsBirdPhotos.tumblr.com like everyone else.


Christine McCaffrey

Study: Women Who Give Birth Later Live Longer

According to a new study from the Boston University School of Medicine, women who naturally conceive and give birth to their last child after age 33 are twice as likely to live to age 95 as those who give birth to their last child before age 30. What do you think?

But what about the effects of not giving birth to a tiny, life-draining monster?


Ben Woods

And here women still complain about how hard it is to have it all.


Daniel Henningsen

Gross. Who would want to have sex past age 33?


Chris Straley

Oldest Human Poop Discovered In Spain

Archaeologists working at an ancient campsite in Alicante, Spain discovered a pile of poop left by Neanderthals 50,000 years ago, which revealed that they were not strict carnivores as previously believed, but also ate plant matter. What do you think?

This is what passes as news? A revelatory glimpse at the diet of our earliest ancestors?


Barry Conover

Oldest Human Poop Discovered In Spain

Fecal matter at campsites? Thank God we evolved out of doing that.


Marie Westin

Oldest Human Poop Discovered In Spain

Are they going to put the poop in a museum so freaks like me can come see it or not?


Miriam Skoog

TSA To Prohibit Uncharged Electronic Devices

In an effort to ensure that electronics such as cell phones and laptop computers are not explosives in disguise, the Transportation Security Administration has announced new protective measures that will require passengers on some U.S.-bound international flights to activate such devices during security screening. Anything uncharged will not be permitted on board an aircraft. What do you think?

I'd never void my MacBook warranty by putting a bomb in there.


Rudy Frost

Whoa, imagine how weird that'll look — an entire line of people just standing there all checking their phones.


Paula Gammons

I look forward to this new opportunity to have a frank, screaming dialogue with TSA employees about my constitutional rights.


Rob Murray

Study: Too Much TV Can Lead To Early Death

According to an eight-year study published by the Journal of the American Heart Association, people who excessively watch television have a significantly higher risk of premature death from cardiovascular disease, cancer, and other causes than those who don't. What do you think?

Hey, somebody's got to be out there every day, risking his or her life to watch all these shows.


Jennifer Volness

But what about those times my heart races during a romantic monologue? Is that not exercise?


Henry Jacobson

How cruel that these people are robbed of so many years that could be filled with watching more TV.


Meredith Gorman

Study: Psychedelic Mushrooms May Be Good For Brain

According to a study published in the journal Human Brain Mapping, the chemical psilocybin, which produces the hallucinatory effects experienced by people ingesting psychedelic magic mushrooms, may also produce feelings of optimism and happiness that last months after the mushrooms are consumed. What do youthink?

Maybe, but I still wouldn't recommend taking a huge wad of them at a Green Bay Packers game.


Doug Katz

Glad these researchers were able to grow back their arms and write down their findings.


Mitchell Langley

Come on, aren't there any drugs left that just fuck you up?


Alissa Rhodes

Crumbs Cupcake Shops Out Of Business

Crumbs Bake Shop, best known for its cupcakes, announced Monday that it would be closing all locations by the end of the day, a move that stunned employees and suggested the cupcake craze of recent years might be over. What do you think?

I hate when my favorite economically unsustainable businesses have to close.


Glenn Willis

Crumbs Cupcake Shops Out Of Business

If they were having trouble, they should have asked everyone to buy more cupcakes.


Lucy Hamlin

Crumbs Cupcake Shops Out Of Business

Now what the hell am I going to do when I'm in New York?


Courtney Grayson

Cats' Musical To Feature Rapping Cat

Composer Andrew Lloyd Webber announced this week that a London revival of his international smash musical Cats would feature, for the first time, a rapping cat. What do you think?

It's genius—there are so many words that rhyme with 'meow.'


Manny Ojeda

Cats' Musical To Feature Rapping Cat

After decades of it being watered down, I'm glad to see rap music finally getting back some of its sense of danger.


Joseph Hooks

Cats' Musical To Feature Rapping Cat

Are the raps going to tackle the important issues concerning the cats of today, or is this just some silly bullshit?


Lyle Keck

Mick Jagger Blamed For Brazil's Historic World Cup Defeat

Some Brazilians are blaming Rolling Stones frontman Mick Jagger for their nation's humiliating 7-1 loss to Germany in the World Cup semifinals Tuesday, suggesting he regularly jinxes teams he cheers for and that the yellow and green jersey he wore in support of his Brazilian son spelled doom for the tournament's host country. What do you think?

If only Mick would use his powers for good.


Emma Jones

We can play the blame game all day, but ultimately it's no one's fault except Charlie Watts'.


Karen Grigsby

There is absolutely no other explanation.


Shelby Vance

Judge: Insane Clown Posse Juggalos Can Be Classified As Gang

A federal judge has thrown out a lawsuit brought by fans of the rap-rock group Insane Clown Posse that alleged being listed in a 2011 FBI report on gangs has led to unfair targeting by police, finding that the federal government was not responsible for how local authorities used a national report. What do you think?

This decision is going to have huge ramifications all the way from Ortonville, Michigan to Dundee, Michigan.


Ken Gunther

I hope this doesn't lead to Juggalos being ostracized from mainstream society.


Olivia Manzo

Study Finds Children Of Same-Sex Parents Happier And Healthier

Contradicting assertions that children with same-sex parents would be hindered by not being raised by both a male and a female, a study from the University of Melbourne found that such children actually scored higher than children with opposite-sex parents in measures of general health and family cohesion. What do you think?

Nothing brings a family closer than having to constantly defend its existence.


Harry Wolford

But these children still face the major stigma of being the only students at their school who come from a happy household.


Dan Pemberton

This should shut my brother-in-law up once and for all.


Grace Vargo

Study: 20% Of High School Seniors Smoke Hookahs

A study in the journal Pediatrics found that one in five high school seniors smoked a hookah in the previous year and that white males from higher-income families were most likely to have used the water pipe. What do you think?

Wow, white males from higher-income families are capable of making anything less exotic.


Kyle Sprouse

Who can blame them, with all those bad boy Hollywood role models like Sydney Greenstreet and Gazanfer Özcan?


Jennifer Korn

High school seniors just keep getting cooler and cooler, don't they?


Doug Means

First Transgender Person Nominated For Emmy

Nominated in the Outstanding Guest Actress in a Comedy Series category for her role on the Netflix series Orange Is The New Black, Laverne Cox is the first transgender individual ever to be considered for an Emmy, a distinction that comes on the heels of her appearance on the cover of Time magazine, another milestone for a transgender person. What do you think?

This seems like a pretty low-pressure opportunity to prove how open-minded I am by saying 'Congratulations!'


Tad Kellogg

Yet another rollercoaster of excitement that comes with 'Outstanding Guest Actress in a Comedy Series' nominations.


Victoria Trimble

This sure makes the Golden Globes look like a bunch of transphobic bigots.


Marnie Shrump

Hunger Games' Name Among Most Popular Of 2014

According to the baby names site Nameberry, Katniss, a name created for the sci-fi Hunger Games trilogy and the films based on those works, is one of the most frequently searched-for names on the site's database. What do you think?

I don't want my child growing up in a world where they have to distinguish between Katniss L. and Katniss S. in her class.


Byron Whitfield

At least with a name like Katniss, you know that two social outcasts managed to find love.


Karen Mobley

Those kids are so lucky. I had to be named after my stupid fucking grandmother.


Paul Richardson

World Cup Draws Record US Television Ratings

The 2014 FIFA World Cup drew record TV ratings in America with 25 million viewers tuning in to the USA-Portugal match, reaching more people than either the NBA Finals or the MLB World Series, though some sports analysts have argued that Americans' passion for the sport will not survive past the tournament. What do you think?

Sorry, but I really can't see soccer competing with the nonstop intensity of Major League Baseball.


Meghan Yu

A lot of people said America's passion for biathlon wouldn't survive past the Winter Olympics either, and look where we are now.


Ryan Brock

I just like any game that lets me honk after.


Seth Wolfe

Archie Andrews Dies Taking Bullet For Openly Gay Friend

Archie Comics has revealed that in the penultimate issue of Life With Archie, Archie Andrews dies after throwing himself in the path of a bullet aimed at friend Kevin Keller, an openly gay senator pushing for more gun control. What do you think?

I just wish I had a clearer sense of which political agenda the writers are promoting here.


Benjamin Harper

I can't see many people actually giving a shit about what happened to Archie at this point. Not with that crazy assailant still on the loose.


Miley Samocha

If I know comic books, Archie will be back in a few months with even more amazing powers.


Kayla Schmidt

Study: Women Threatened By Peers Wearing Red

According to a new study in which women were shown pictures of peers wearing dresses of different colors, subjects viewed those wearing the color red as sexual threats or romantic rivals. What do you think?

That's why, when I wear red, I am always careful to wear it in the form of a shapeless, oversized turtleneck sweater with a baseball cap worn sideways.


Marcus Burton

Isn't that just like a woman to be subtly influenced by the unconscious evolutionary cues that affect us all.


Bethany Miller

Oh please. I can find something way more trivial than a red dress to feel threatened by.


Gary Fotchman

Marvel Announces Thor Will Now Be Represented As A Woman

Marvel Comics has announced that the character Thor will now be represented as a woman, though she will still be referred to as the God of Thunder and wield the hammer of Thor, with officials explaining that if we can accept Thor as a frog and a horse-faced alien, we should be able to accept a woman. What do you think?

Hopefully this will inspire all the young girls out there who dream of one day wielding the enchanted hammer Mjölnir.


Macland Pierce

Finally, the world is ready to accept a beautiful, blond, Scandinavian woman.


Rebecca Champlain

As long as the character is still white.


Mary Clearwater

New Plus-Size Clothing Store To Play Pre-Recorded Compliments In Fitting Rooms

According to the British website GetWestLondon, a new plus-size clothing store outside London plans to feature fitting rooms that play audio recordings of compliments while customers try on clothes. What do you think?

That's all right, I always bring some friends to give me insincere compliments whenever I go shopping.


Matt Herndon

It's nice to know that in London, plus-size people are also considered idiots.


Amelia Barston

Sorry, but no machine can make the experience of trying on clothes as awkward and uncomfortable as a real-life salesperson.


Malcolm Russell

NASA: Humans Will Find Aliens Within Next 20 Years

A panel of NASA scientists announced this week that they estimate humans will encounter extraterrestrials within the next 20 years, predicting that as many as 100 million worlds in the Milky Way may have alien life. What do you think?

Yeah, well they better be full-sized aliens, not some microorganism bullshit.


Kyle Marsden

Not good enough. I want a specific date.


McKenzie Bartlett

Those extraterrestrials could be looking for us as well. I hope they leave a few folks at home so someone's there to meet us when we get there.


Joe Halperin

Study: Sexy Facebook Profile Pics May Hurt Women At Work

According to a new study, choosing to use a sexy profile picture on Facebook and other social media sites may hurt women's careers because coworkers are more likely to judge them as being less competent workers. What do you think?

Have I mentioned lately that I'm glad to be a man?


Amelia Conner

I wish there was a way to just quit Facebook altogether.


Frank Gilford

Snowden: NSA Agents Pass Around Nude Photos

In an interview with The Guardian, NSA whistleblower Edward Snowden revealed that some U.S. intelligence agents routinely pass around nude photos and other sexually compromised images they discover while spying on targets. What do you think?

Those agents have a lot of nerve doing exactly the same thing I would do.


Roberta Conley

Not having our naked bodies leered at by government employees is simply a luxury we can't afford in a post-9/11 world.


Michael Hodge

Well, if you're not doing anything naked, then you have nothing to worry about.


John Sewell

KKK Recruiting Kids By Handing Out Candy

According to residents of a South Carolina town, the Ku Klux Klan has been attempting to recruit children into its ranks by going to neighborhoods and leaving out bags of candy containing slips of paper with the words Save Our Land, Join The Klan and a phone number leading to automated anti-immigrant messages. What do you think?

Their methods may be questionable, but their message is beyond reproach.


Ian Palvin

Oh, no! I hope these aren't getting mixed up with the candy-filled welcome bags I've been leaving around for immigrants.


Rebecca Whyte

My kids know to only accept candy from tolerant strangers.


Carson Lane

Facebook Testing Out 'Buy' Button

According to company officials, Facebook is testing out a new Buy button on the News Feed section and on advertisements, which would give users the option to keep their credit card and shipping information on file with Facebook and purchase items without ever leaving the site. What do you think?


Barry Kanalley

Facebook Testing Out 'Buy' Button

If they want to compete with Amazon, they are going to have to get their purchasing process down to a half-click or less.


Margaret Burke

Facebook Testing Out 'Buy' Button

This sounds awful and unnecessary. I suppose I'll get used to it, though.


Cooper Friedman

Report: More Parents Hiring Drug-Sniffing Dogs To Find Kids' Pot

According to a report by NPR, a growing number of parents are hiring drug-sniffing dogs to search their teens' bedrooms and find out if they are using illegal substances, leading to a rise in private businesses that train and rent out detection dogs. What do you think?

I'd hire a dog to do all my parenting if I could.


Mary-Ann Keller

Whatever happened to tricking your kid into letting you into her confidence by telling her some stories about how crazy the '70s were, waiting for her to lower her guard, and then bringing the hammer down?


Kurt Malone

I just wish there was an easier way to tell my children I love them.


Meryl Kerr

IKEA Placing Cardboard Cutouts Of Dogs In Furniture Showrooms To Encourage Adoption

Select IKEA stores are strategically placing life-sized cardboard cutouts of dogs in furniture showrooms to help customers visualize what their homes would look like with a dog, part of a program aimed at encouraging pet adoption. What do you think?

It's brilliant—ideas like this could really change what couples argue about inside the store.


Alex Davison

Sure, it looks cute in the showroom, but when they deliver the dog it's in 100 different pieces.


Brandon Mehling

Can't I go anywhere anymore without being subtly encouraged to do something altruistic?


Rebecca Jacobson

New Toyota 'Driver Easy Speak' Feature Helps Parents Yell At Children In Back Of Car

Toyota has announced that its new class of Sienna minivans will feature technology called Driver Easy Speak, which uses a microphone that amplifies the driver's voice into speakers in the back seats of the car, so parents don't have to shout at passengers. What do you think?

It's easier to just let them know I can swerve into oncoming traffic whenever I feel like it.


Calvin Rasmussen

This feature is also helpful if you like to be the loudest one in the car singing along to 'Immigrant Song.'


Bill Kyzer

If you think I'm letting my kids set foot inside my sweet new Toyota Sienna, you're out of your mind.


Jonathan Curtis

Mysterious White Surrender Flags Appear Above Brooklyn Bridge

NYC police are investigating the mysterious appearance of two white surrender flags above the Brooklyn Bridge that were apparently planted by vandals who scaled to the top in the middle of the night, saying that it could be an art project. What do you think?

I'd agree it was some sort of conceptual art project, if Brooklyn were known for that kind of thing.


Ben Johnstone

In the absence of hard facts about this, does anybody have any wild speculation?


Katie Pompilio

Oh man, I wish I had beliefs strong enough to climb that high.


Anthony McKay

NYC Approves Apartment Building With Separate 'Rich Doors,' 'Poor Doors'

The New York Department of Housing Preservation and Development has approved plans for an apartment complex that has separate rich doors for luxury apartment owners and poor doors for those who live in its 55 affordable housing apartments, units the developer agreed to include in the building in exchange for tax breaks. What do you think?

Once again, the middle class gets ignored.


Stephanie Mison

Wouldn't it be easier just to make them crawl on their hands and knees through the regular door?


Phil Hahn

Oh great, so we're just giving the poor free doors now?


Samantha Bartlett

Couples Battling For Trendy 12/13/14 Wedding Date

In the latest instance of couples clamoring for a trendy wedding date, a new poll by David's Bridal has revealed that more than 20,000 couples are competing to get married on 12/13/14, leading many venues to raise prices due to demand. What do you think?

It may be a lot more work, but getting married on a sequential date is the kind of thing you'll talk about for the rest of your lives.


Kayla Gondry

My friends are going to be so jealous until they think about it a little longer.


Michael Harrison

Comic-Con Holding First-Ever Transgender Panel

As part of an effort to raise awareness of transgender issues, San Diego Comic-Con will hold a panel called Breaking Barriers, which will be the event's first panel to consist solely of participants who identify as transgender. What do you think?

That's great, as long as it doesn't mean one less Ant-Man preview.


Cassidy Rogers

The part where a guy in a Hulk costume comes out and smashes through a wall labeled 'transphobia' is going to be awesome.


Morris Chorman

Will transgender icon Stan Lee be there?


Kevin Springer

Tylenol No Better Than Sugar Pills For Helping Back Pain

A new study has found that Tylenol is no more effective for treating back pain than placebo sugar pills. What do you think?

An optimist would say that this study found sugar pills work just as great as Tylenol.


Bernard Horst

I hope the medical skeptic crowd responds to these findings with their usual scientific literacy and sense of proportion.


Jessica Jacobs

You mean the cure for back pain was inside me all along?


Barry Knish

Study Finds Dogs Can Experience Jealousy

A new study has found that dogs are capable of experiencing feelings of jealously similar to those of humans. What do you think?

But what do dogs have to be jealous about? They've got it all.


Marjorie Hamblin

What a gift this could be for families looking to abuse their pets in subtle, emotionally manipulative ways.


Greg Siegel

I'm not sure I want a pet I can relate to quite that much.


George Beghe

New York Times Endorses Legalizing Marijuana

The New York Times editorial board published the first in a planned six-part piece on Sunday calling for the legalization of recreational marijuana, arguing that outlawing the drug is just as ineffective as the government's failed ban on alcohol during the Prohibition era and that the majority of Americans support it. What do you think?

Still, I'd rather wait for the Wall Street Journal's editorial board to weigh in on this before I try pot.


John McNeil

They must have been so baked when they looked at the high incarceration rates for non-violent drug offenses.


Christine Pankow

It seems a bit hasty to get behind something just because the rest of the country already is.


Patrick Weston

Study: Earth In Middle Of 'Sixth Extinction'

According to a new study published in the journal Science, earth is in the middle of its sixth mass extinction of biological life, which is being caused by human beings destroying habitats, disrupting climates, and killing wildlife. What do you think?

Typical scientists, blaming everybody but themselves.


Scott Richeson

We can stop this. Just tell me where to text.


Christine Fisher

Study: Infants Can Smell Mothers' Fears

A new study has found that mothers can pass on fears to their newborn infants through odors that help to transmit old traumas, bad memories, and phobias, which teaches them about what to fear in the world. What do you think?

I think I'm still going to make a list of everything my child should be afraid of, just in case.


Debora Mann

Study: Infants Can Smell Mothers' Fears

That explains why my baby cries whenever he gets anywhere near emotional intimacy.


Allan Naft

Study: Infants Can Smell Mothers' Fears

I hope this doesn't lead to people blaming their mothers for their psychological issues.


William Root

Wikipedia Bans Congress From Editing Pages

After a Twitter bot was created to track Wikipedia edits made from congressional IP addresses and anonymous staffers responded by making disruptive joke edits to pages on the moon landing and Choco Tacos, the site imposed a 10-day ban on edits originating within the House. What do you think?

So Darrell Issa didn't invent 'The Twist' at Area 51?


Janine Wiggins

But with Congress out of the way, there's no one to stop Justice Alito from filling the site with his predictions for the True Blood series finale.


John Van Patten

The rest of us can still post bullshit though, right?


Duncan Verlin

Cosmo' Finally Features Sex Tips For Lesbians

After years of publishing sex tips and guides intended for heterosexual women, Cosmopolitan magazine has published its first-ever sex guide for lesbians, 28 Mind-Blowing Lesbian Sex Positions. What do you think?

A year ago I would've said no way, but now, I think society is finally ready to see sanitized, awkwardly captioned depictions of lesbianism.


Christina Savini

I hope they're ready to deal with anger from conservatives who favor a more traditional definition of mind-blowing sex positions.


Anthony Romero

Lesbians must be ecstatic that they can finally start having sex correctly.


Trudy Newman

Feds: McDonald's Responsible For Welfare Of Franchise Workers

The National Labor Relations Board ruled Tuesday that even if a McDonald's restaurant is operated by a franchise, the fast food chain is still jointly responsible for the welfare of its workers, and is liable for wage and other labor violations. What do you think?

Good. I hate to think the production of my bacon cheeseburger involves any kind of suffering.


Geoffrey Hodges

I don't see how you can expect McDonald's to be aware of everything that happens at every place that uses its name and sells its food.


Charlie Cunningham

As a person who has eaten at McDonald's for 40 years and tacitly agreed to the workers' conditions, I'm glad this was settled without me having to do anything.


Allan Burbage

Men Think Women Who Listen To Them Are Sexier

According to a new study, men are more likely to be sexually attracted to women who listen to them and show responsiveness by being aware of what they are thinking and feeling, while female subjects were more likely to view responsiveness as a trick to get them to have sex. What do you think?

It's true that my most satisfying sexual experiences always take place over the phone.


Michael Nicotero

It's a good quality to have, unless she's one of those women who goes around and pays attention to every guy she's having a conversation with.


Doug Stoughtman

That's why most pornography focuses so heavily on the importance of empathy.


Steve Galindez

Star Wars: Episode VII' Filming Angers Bird Experts

After production on Stars Wars: Episode VII moved to a remote island off the coast of Ireland, ornithologists and wildlife conservationists expressed anger at J.J. Abrams and the production crew over concerns that filming disrupted the mating rituals of local bird populations like puffins and peregrine falcons. What do you think?

What these bird lovers need to realize is that Star Wars fans will kill every bird in sight if this delays the film's release.


Amy Menapace

Still, you have to admire J.J. Abrams for actually going out and disrupting nature rather than just CGI-ing it.


Chuck Hedley

I'm just excited that Star Wars might feature two puffins going at it in the background.


Greg Kanalley

Amazon Paying Prime Subscribers To Choose Slower Deliveries

Overwhelmed by the huge number of Amazon Prime subscribers who are choosing the site's speedy shipping service, Amazon is offering $1 in credit toward video downloads to anyone who chooses No-Rush shipping, which delivers products in five to seven days instead of two. What do you think?

How much are they offering if I don't order at all?


Matthew Sumpter

Getting paid a dollar for accepting poor service is just one of the perks of a $99-per-year Amazon Prime membership.


Patricia Hinzman

No way. I want my DVD of Major League in two days, and I don't care how many millions it costs Amazon.


Wilson Deschaine

Teens Getting Hurt Playing 'Fire Challenge' Game

Police and medical workers across the country are reporting more incidents of teenagers hurting themselves playing the Fire Challenge game shown in numerous YouTube videos, which involves pouring a small amount of flammable liquid on their bodies and lighting themselves on fire. What do you think?

I know it sounds dumb, but the stunt did get them on YouTube.


Don Koretz

On one hand, you've got teachers and parents telling you not to set yourself on fire, and on the other hand, you've got everybody else telling you not to set yourself on fire, so how are teens supposed to know what's right?


Judy Schneider

Well, they have to get hurt doing something.


Chris Langridge

PETA Demands New Ending For Live-Action 'Dumbo'

After Disney announced it is making a live-action remake of the 1941 animated classic Dumbo, PETA has demanded that producers change the original finale of the film, where Dumbo becomes the star of the circus, to a happy ending where he can retire from entertainment and escape to an elephant sanctuary. What do you think?

Having to leave the circus would be a devastating blow to a natural performer like Dumbo.


Ben Young

I'm sure the captive elephant that plays Dumbo will love pretending to be free.


James Wilkinson

Company Lets Customers Send Dead Pets' Ashes To Space

Celestis, a Houston company that has offered a service called Earth Rise since 1997 that sends cremated human remains to space, is now extending the same service to deceased pets, allowing pet owners to launch their pets' ashes into space in a small memorial capsule and then receive it as a keepsake once it falls back to earth, for a cost of $12,500. What do you think?

It's about time the private sector took over the task of sending dead animals into space.


Robert Davies

Good to know I can keep spending way too much money on my pets even after they die.


Janet Thompson

Joke's on you, Celestis. Those were my brother's ashes. I only paid the pet rate!


Dana Swearengen

Study: Human Culture Evolved As Testosterone Levels Fell

According to new research, the development of modern arts and advanced tools arose in human culture about 50,000 years ago, at the same time as levels of testosterone—the hormone linked to macho, aggressive behavior—began decreasing in humans. What do you think?

Wow, just imagine what it must have been like to live in a world run by over-aggressive males.


Tim Dourif

Don't make me choose between the fate of humanity and my own virility.


Jennifer Brimble

Open Carry Gun Law Advocates Release Children's Book

Pro-gun advocates have released a children's picture book called My Parents Open Carry about a 13-year-old girl named Brenna Strong, whose parents openly carry guns for self-defense, which the authors say aims to educate people on Second Amendment rights and promote acceptance of open carry policies. What do you think?

This is great—now, I'll have something to switch up with the Second Amendment when I tuck Jimmy in at night.


Alan Jones

I just hope the strength of the narrative isn't compromised for the sake of political proselytizing.


Curtis Mitchell

But how will concealed carry proponents simplify their arguments to the level of children?


Michael Guish

Russian Gangsters Steal 1.2 Billion Passwords

A Milwaukee online security firm discovered this week that a Russian crime ring has stolen 1.2 billion username and password combinations from internet users, the largest theft of its kind in history, and are using most of the information to send out spam in exchange for a fee. What do you think?

I don't know which is worse: that gangsters stole 1.2 billion passwords, or that a security firm in Milwaukee was the only one to notice.


Sally Bregman

Is my eBay password one of them? Because it would be a huge help if they could remind me what it was.


Keith Fox

This is exactly the kind of impetus I needed to finally get serious about online security for an hour or so.


Greg Spriggs

More Couples Using 'Wedding Drones' To Film Nuptials

A growing number of U.S. couples are using small commercial drones to shoot photographs of wedding guests and capture aerial footage of their ceremonies, though the Federal Aviation Administration has warned that the practice is illegal and offenders could be charged with breaking the law. What do you think?

I've always thought the best view for a wedding was from high above, looking down on the bride and groom as if they were ants.


Kyle Branden

Good. I'd noticed the average American wedding is drastically underdocumented.


Christine Ferrars

I knew the FAA would try to ruin my wedding day.


Anita Beaven

China Bans Government Use Of Apple Products

Due to fears of espionage posed by revelations from Edward Snowden, the Chinese government has banned its ministries and federal agencies from buying or using 10 Apple products, including the iPad and MacBook, over concerns that the U.S. will hijack the products and spy on Beijing. What do you think?

I always knew World War III would begin as a dispute over iPads.


Chris Archibald

Now how are all these Chinese government officials going to edit their web series?


Stan Harper

That's ridiculous. We would never think of spying on China in that specific way.


Dustin Szymanksi

Pheromone Parties' Help Singles Find Dates By Sniffing Each Other

More singles are taking part in an alternative dating trend called pheromone parties, in which participants sleep in the same T-shirts for three nights, put them in numbered plastic bags, and bring them to parties where guests can sniff the shirts and match up with the person whose scent they like. What do you think?

I'm happy to support any event that elevates the dating pool by pairing off freaks.


Frank Gillouley

What's the use? I'm never going to smell as good as the guys you smell on TV.


Karen Estes

Thank God I no longer care if I ever find anyone.


Gerry Bryson

McDonald's Testing 60-Second Drive-Thru Guarantee

Select McDonald's restaurants in South Florida are testing out a new promotion that guarantees drive-thru customers a 60-seconds-or-less wait period for food or else they'll get a free sandwich on a future visit, which has drawn criticism from worker advocates, though McDonald's says it believes it will energize the crew and entertain guests. What do you think?

I'm not sure it's possible for me to be more entertained at the McDonald's drive-thru, but hey, go for it!


Richard Sztaba

I sure hope they can stick to that time frame, because my misgivings about eating at McDonald's usually kick in around the 75-second mark.


Susan Littenberg

A free sandwich is the least they can offer for keeping me from eating something for a whole 60 seconds.


Marshall Gradwell

NRA Removes 'Guns For The Blind' Video

After receiving widespread backlash, the NRA has pulled an installment of its NRA News segment in which a U.S. Navy Seal argues that blind people should be allowed to carry guns just like everyone else, asking, Do you think you need to see where you're shooting if someone is on top of you, trying to kill or rape you? What do you think?

If the NRA wasn't known for its tireless work with the blind, this might make it seem like they were trying to exploit them.


Beth Spriggs

NRA Removes 'Guns For The Blind' Video

This is just like the NRA, backing down at the slightest hint of controversy.


Michael Sanders

NRA Removes 'Guns For The Blind' Video

Great. Now a bunch of blind people are going to get assaulted.


Lindsay Schamus

Study: Americans Eat Half Their Meals Alone

According to a new market research report, 57 percent of all American meals are eaten alone, due in part to more people living in single-person households and to there being less stigma associated with eating alone. What do you think?

There's still plenty of stigma attached to eating alone when you do it the way I do.


Philip Doran

When we're at Wendy's, are any of us truly alone?


Geoff Stier

Glad to know I'm ahead of the curve on something.


Joe Thiele

New Ankle-Bracelet Baby Monitor Predicts Infant's Mood

A company called Sproutling has introduced a $250 wearable baby monitor that fits around the infant's ankle and records vital signs like heart rate, skin temperature, and motion to predict when the baby will wake up and what mood he or she will be in. What do you think?

Wow—constantly fretting about slight deviations from your baby's baseline normal behavior has never been easier.


Laura Fox

Given the incredible variety and subtlety of a baby's emotions, this seems next to impossible.


William Lewin

What a boon to terrible mothers who can't already intuitively tell exactly how their baby is feeling at all times.


Candace Weil

FCC Mandates Text-To-911 Emergency Service

The FCC has established a deadline for all cellular providers to offer services that allow users to text messages to 911 emergency dispatchers, which allows those in need to get help when it's too dangerous to talk or when they are unable to speak. What do you think?

Anyone can text, but nothing beats the sincerity of a handwritten letter.


Bill Rodriguez

Meanwhile, all my tweets to @911 are going completely ignored.


Dan DeGregory

This is going to lead to a disturbing set of emojis.


Jennifer Naiman

Smokey The Bear Gets Millennial Makeover For 70th Anniversary

In honor of the firefighting mascot's 70th anniversary this week, advertisers gave Smokey the Bear a makeover to appeal to the millennial generation, which included giving him Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram accounts. What do you think?

He looks great, but to be honest, I'm still going to burn stuff.


Marcus DeWitt

I'm glad they recognize that millennials' approach to not setting forest fires is totally different from their parents' generation.


Cameron Bryant

That's a good start, but if Smokey really wants to stop me from starting fires, he's going to need to follow me back.


Oliver Lumsden

Burger-Flipping Robot Could Replace Fast Food Workers

A Silicon Valley company has engineered a machine capable of making 360 burgers per hour by quickly slicing and layering ingredients, leading experts to believe the machines could replace fast food employees and put them out of work. What do you think?

Great, this means more teens will be crowding the legal and medical fields.


Ken Hedges

I think there's always going to be a segment of the fast food market that wants their burger cooked by a good old-fashioned, miserable human being.


Sallie Shikorra

The first time someone gets a robotic claw in their food, there'll be outcry.


Brandon Murphy

Disney Expanding 'Star Wars' Attractions At Theme Parks

With Star Wars: Episode VII in the works, Disney officials have announced that the company is planning to significantly expand Star Wars rides and attractions within its theme parks to coincide with the film's planned premiere in late 2015. What do you think?

Finally, a way to experience 'Star Wars' beyond the movies, books, TV shows, video games, action figures, clothing, fast food tie-ins, and currently existing theme park attractions.


Jeff Berger

It's a good way to get word out about the new films, but they should consider running a TV ad or some other campaign as well.


Alyson Valmond

The race is on to become the first patron banned from the Mos Eisley Cantina.


Daniel Koerper

Study: Average American's Interests Have Practically No Influence On Government Policy

A new study has found that when taking into account the heavy power and influence of special interest groups and the economic elite in politics, the impact of an average citizen's interests when it comes to determining policy is virtually nothing. What do you think?

Those nice letters from my congressman are enough for me.


Maggie Bernstein

I should be angry, but honestly, I'm pretty relieved the pressure is off.


Kyle Sisk

They could've at least softened the blow by including some broad platitudes about how we're still what makes this country great.


Robert Sullivan

Study: Sex Education Should Start As Early As Age 10

A new study from researchers at Georgetown University suggests that children should start taking sexual education courses as young as age 10 to prevent teen pregnancies and STDs, arguing in part that early sex ed classes can get them proper information before they hear it from misinformed classmates and older kids. What do you think?

Wouldn't it be cheaper to just teach one 10-year-old and let him spread the information at recess?


Alice Campbell

Actually, I find that having a few serious misconceptions about sex is what keeps it interesting.


Donald Hobart

The last thing I need is a bunch of 10-year-old know-it-alls telling me I'm having sex all wrong.


Scott Bregman

Social Media 'Ice Bucket Challenge' Raises Millions For Lou Gehrig's Disease

Foundations supporting research for amyotrophic lateral sclerosis, also known as Lou Gehrig's disease, have received millions of dollars in donations thanks to a viral campaign called the Ice Bucket Challenge, in which participants post videos of themselves pouring buckets of ice water on their heads and challenging friends to do the same within 24 hours or else donate money. What do you think?

I wish every time someone asked me to donate money I could just dump water on my head to get out of it.


Malorie Egan

So everyone's having fun, but what about those suffering from the disease? Why isn't anyone dumping water on their heads?


Henry Wortel

I just wish Lou Gehrig was alive to see and be utterly confused by this.


Ben Hartlein

Burger King Phases Out Satisfries, Brings Back Chicken Fries

Nearly a year after Burger King rolled out a low-fat version of french fry called Satisfries, the chain has announced that it will discontinue the menu item in two-thirds of its restaurants due to poor sales and will be reintroducing chicken fries due to demand. What do you think?

An apology for providing healthy options would go a long way toward restoring our trust in the brand.


Herman McCandless

This goes to show you that ordinary people can make a difference when it comes to what foods are served at fast food restaurants.


Ron Dotrice

SeaWorld To Expand Orca Environments

After the marine park's profits dropped precipitously amid fallout from the documentary Blackfish, which investigated the death of a trainer by a psychologically disturbed orca in captivity, SeaWorld San Diego has announced that it will double the size of the enclosures for killer whales. What do you think?

Good. That should give them room to cram a few more orcas in there.


Linda Perlman

SeaWorld To Expand Orca Environments

Maybe they should just let the whales live in the ocean and whistle when it's showtime.


Ritch Shimerman

SeaWorld To Expand Orca Environments

But how will these killer whales ever learn to stop hurting innocent people if we keep rewarding them with bigger cages?


Harry Gondelman

Study: Meerkats Have Dark, Sinister Side

Contrary to their portrayal in cartoons and shows like Meerkat Manor, which depict them as cute and cuddly, a new study has found that meerkats can actually be mean and sinister, with females banishing other moms from the group and eating their offspring to create babysitters for their own pups. What do you think?

When you've been in the public eye as long as meerkats, things like this are bound to surface eventually.


Marjorie Suzman

Are you telling me selectively edited footage of meerkats scored with cartoonish music might not have been giving me the full story?


Peter Broadhead

Like the brooding anti-heroes of cable television, we don't have to condone their actions to be compelled by them.


Marion Strano

More Women Getting Hand Surgery To Look Good In 'Ring Selfies'

A growing number of engaged women are undergoing plastic surgery procedures on their hands to look better in pictures they take of the rings on their fingers, known as ring selfies, paying $3,000 or more to smooth out skin texture and reduce the appearance of veins. What do you think?

It's nice having a crazy expense like this to fill the gap between purchasing an absurdly overpriced ring and throwing a ludicrously expensive wedding.


Jerry Bresnahan

Why do that when you can just hire a hand model for about a third of the price?


Ted Schubb

And all this time, I never realized I could've been judging women by their hands.


Philip Moglen

Fantasy Football Costs Businesses $13.4 Billion In Lost Productivity

According to a study by corporate restructuring firm Challenger, Gray & Christmas, fantasy football costs U.S. companies $13.4 billion total in lost productivity per NFL season due to employees spending an average of two hours on the job each week managing their teams. What do you think?

Yeah, but can you put a multi-billion-dollar price on fun?


Marcie Finney

Given that the average corporate employee works eight uninterrupted hours a day, this is shocking.


Vincent Chandler

Yeah, but working when I could be managing my fantasy team probably costs me two or three wins, so we're even.


Linda Woods

Vegan Oktoberfest Coming To California

An alternative version of the Bavarian holiday Oktoberfest is coming to Santa Monica, CA for people who don't eat animal products, replacing traditional German foods with vegan bratwurst, pancakes, sauerkraut, and beer. What do you think?

German heritage is nothing if not flexible.


Jason Werner

Vegan Oktoberfest Coming To California

Looks like I finally found a use for my meat flask.


Gabriel McMartin

Vegan Oktoberfest Coming To California

I think my all-Oompah tribute to Morrissey just booked its first gig.


Graham Simonds

NFL: Musicians Should Pay To Perform At Super Bowl Halftime Show

According to a report in the Wall Street Journal, while vetting its top choices to play at this year's Super Bowl halftime show, the NFL asked musicians whether or not they would be willing to contribute a portion of their post-Super Bowl tour income to the league or to make some other type of financial contribution for the privilege of getting to perform. What do you think?

Makes sense. For me, the Super Bowl is where I go to learn about all the hottest musical acts.


Linda Mazzola

I don't know, I'm worried that taking in that much money could somehow corrupt the National Football League.


Scott Thoreson

Well, where else would big, international acts get a chance to perform for an audience?


Paula McCormick

Justin Bieber Criticized For Cheating On 'Ice Bucket Challenge'

Justin Bieber has been criticized for cheating on his version of the now-viral Ice Bucket Challenge, in which he poured a small saucepan of water on himself that didn't actually contain any ice. What do you think?


Natalie Wright

I can see how he would get it wrong. 'Ice bucket' is a little vague.


Jay Hamilton

Study: Children's Drawings Predict Intelligence Later In Life

A new study has found that young children who draw pictures of people accurately, judged by whether the drawing includes the correct number of limbs and facial features, are more likely to have higher IQs as adolescents. What do you think?

I think it's a little judgmental to assume that there is a 'correct' number of limbs.


Rich Avery

That's why I make sure to always attach some of my childhood drawings to my resume.


Ellen Bennet

Got it. I'll kill my child's imagination right away.


Dan Waggoner

Survey: Rich People More Likely To Disapprove Of 'Participation Trophies'

According to data gathered by libertarian magazine Reason, wealthy people are much more likely than poorer people to disapprove of participation trophies for kids, or awards given out to all children regardless of whether they are winners or losers. What do you think?

If kids get trophies just for participating, how are they ever going to learn that the world is a perfect meritocracy?


Vicki Altamose

Participation trophies undermine the whole point of sports, which is teaching kids that their value is dependent on kicking a ball really far.


Kevin Blankenship

I'm fine with participation trophies, as long as they are unmistakably shittier than the real ones.


Carl Steedman

Starbucks Bringing Coffee Trucks To College Campuses

Starbucks is reportedly introducing coffee trucks to colleges around the country that can move around to highly trafficked areas of campus throughout the day to attract students. What do you think?

Will there be room inside the truck for anyone to sit in front of a laptop computer and tangled mass of cords for hours on end?


Marina Trujillo

I would've loved this when I was in school; the only place you could even find a cup of coffee was at this completely immobile shop right in the center of campus.


Greg Bloch

I don't know, it sounds a little crazy. Ah, hell, screw it, that's what college is all about!


David McComb

MTV Airs Ferguson Public Service Announcement During VMA Awards

During last night's Video Music Awards, MTV aired a public service announcement addressing issues surrounding the crisis in Ferguson, MO, featuring young people describing the stereotypes they face, which executives say they hope will start important conversations about racism. What do you think?

It's always nice to hear what Viacom has to say about racism.


Kelly Wilson

Good on MTV for doing its part to reduce the negative stereotypes it promotes.


Justin Gerhardt

This is a worthwhile conversation to have during the commercial break.


Danielle Vonn

Study: Couples Who Throw Big Weddings Have Happier Marriages

A new study of married couples found that pairs who threw big weddings, defined as having 150 guests or more, reported having happier marriages than those who had weddings with 50 guests or fewer. What do you think?

You can't even put together a decent registry with 50 guests.


Carter Benson

Without a doubt, the more emotionally and financially entangled you are in your distant relatives' lives, the happier you become.


Rob Tollinger

I hope this doesn't encourage some couples to throw lavish wedding ceremonies beyond their financial means.


Jeff O'Shea

Chinese Movie Theaters Displaying Audience Texts On Screen

Select movie theaters in China are testing a new model of film-watching called bullet screens, in which the theater projects audience text messages, or bullets, onto the screen during showings, with texts sometimes becoming so numerous that they obscure the entire movie playing. What do you think?

Good. There's nothing more annoying than someone texting during a movie and not being able to see what they're writing.


Barbara Norton

That's ridiculous. Nonstop, anonymous rolling text that distracts from what's going on is for television only.


Tim Aldrich

I know we've fallen behind China in a lot of things, but I really thought we were still in the lead as far as making movies intolerable.


Ellen Greenlee

Knee Defender' Passenger Fight Diverts Entire Plane

A flight from New Jersey to Denver was diverted to Chicago after a passenger used a device called a knee defender, which prevented the person in the seat in front of him from reclining, inciting her to turn around and throw water in his face. What do you think?


Edward Irvine

It may have inconvenienced everyone else on the plane, but it's still kind of inspiring that two people like this managed to find each other.


Philip Roundtree

Well, at least all the other passengers got an extra hour and a half of travel time out of the ordeal.


Ava Marin

Pediatricians: School Should Start Later For Teens So They Can Sleep

The American Academy of Pediatrics issued a formal policy statement Monday recommending that schools with teenage students should start no earlier than 8:30 a.m. because chronic sleep loss can cause teens to become overweight or depressed, get in more car accidents, and have a lower quality of life. What do you think?

But sleepy students are way easier to indoctrinate.


Stan Lazar

No way. It's crucial to give teenagers the skills they need to slog through life half-asleep.


Jack Kamber

And why do we want teens to be happy, again?


Ralph McGee

Arby's Offering Secret 'Meat Mountain' Sandwich For Those Who Ask

After Arby's released an advertisement with an image of a huge stack of meat and started receiving requests from customers, the fast food chain started offering a $10 Meat Mountain sandwich to those who ask for it at the cash register. What do you think?

Well, if you're going to ask for something in secret, I'd say this is the perfect candidate.


Annette Tandy

Great, now I don't have to watch the cashier become increasingly horrified as I describe what I want.


Brian Goodwin

Trust me, when they see my physique, they won't need me to ask.


Josiah Leeds

New 'Smart Polo' Detects Wearer's Stress Levels

At the U.S. Open this week, Ralph Lauren debuted new wearable technology called the Smart Polo shirt, which uses sensors integrated in the fabric to detect the wearer's stress levels, that needs to be recharged after 30 workouts. What do you think?

Having a shirt that I have to worry about recharging should do wonders for my stress.


Nancy Lenehan

It's about time someone created a shirt I'm afraid will electrocute me when it rains.


Jake Bressler

If you just pop the collar, your stress levels would be cut in half instantly.


Amanda Giroday

Hello Kitty' Actually A British Schoolgirl

Fans of Hello Kitty were shocked after the curator for a new retrospective exhibit at the Japanese American National Museum revealed that the feline cartoon character, who has the face of a cat, is actually a third-grade British schoolgirl named Kitty White who lives outside London, though toy company Sanrio later clarified that classifying her as human is going too far. What do you think?

The news just keeps getting worse and worse this month.


Steve Garwood

Simply identifying as a British schoolgirl does not make you one. I learned this the hard way.


Michael Hudson

Well, I guess I'm in the market for a new god.


Danny Metzler

Abercrombie & Fitch Dropping Logos From Clothes

After years of plummeting sales, Abercrombie & Fitch has announced that it will drop its once-prized logos from all of its upcoming clothing lines to compete with competitors like Forever 21 and H&M. What do you think?

Ah, they finally realized how much cooler it is to belatedly copy your rivals.


David Graf

Godspeed to the CEO who had to face down such a difficult decision.


Susan Marshall

This is a good start, but I'm still way too intimidated by teenagers to shop there.


Terrence Ward

Researchers: Panda Faked Pregnancy To Get More Bamboo

After discovering the marsupial wasn't actually pregnant as believed, researchers at the Chengu Giant Panda Breeding Research Center in China said that giant panda Ai Hin faked being pregnant in order to receive more bamboo, extra fruit treats, and a nicer room. What do you think?

Rather than admit their mistake, these researchers are willing to call a panda a liar.


Kim Donaldson

Well, it's certainly not the first time I've heard of someone faking a pregnancy to receive more bamboo.


Richard Malone

Why are we trying to save these manipulative liars from extinction, again?