Shaun Bentley

Florida Bride, Caterer Arrested For Lacing Wedding Food With Marijuana

A Florida bride and caterer have been criminally charged after secretly serving food laced with marijuana to their wedding guests, several of whom complained of feeling drugged and were sent to the hospital. What do you think?

Fortunately, I was too drunk to notice how high I was.


Laura Maxen

And I specifically checked the box for an unlaced meal.


Davin Levey

That explains why the entree was a brownie with a side of gummies.


Jeff Pu

Elon Musk To Buy Twitter For $44 Billion

Twitter has accepted billionaire Elon Musk's offer to buy the social media company and take it private in a $44 billion deal that will put the world's richest man in charge of one of the world's most influential social media platforms. What do you think?

I'm glad he's finally found a way to make his voice heard.


Kylie Goldin

He's always at the forefront of the newest technology.


Leor Ketcham

It's about time Twitter had an owner that reflected how awful the site is.


Lara Kittle

Donald Trump Held In Contempt In New York Attorney General Inquiry

A New York judge has held Donald Trump in contempt and fined him $10,000 a day, following the former president's failure to hand over documents to prosecutors investigating his business practices. What do you think?

It's nice when Democrats and Republicans work together to fire up both their bases.


Ernie Dyer

If there's one thing Trump will respect, it's the legal authority of a judge.


Milo Woolf

Maybe he just hasn't unpacked the documents since he moved out of the White House.


Tanya Marien

Emmanuel Macron Wins Reelection Against Far-Right Candidate

French President Emmanuel Macron has won reelection against far-right candidate Marie Le Pen, making Macron the first French president in 20 years to win reelection since Jacque Chirac defeated Le Pen's father in 2002. What do you think?

Voters probably got confused because the ballot was in French.


Gordon Sturdevant

Good to know other Western democracies are also barely hanging on.


Vinny Marlow

As if a far-right brand of politics could ever truly take hold in Europe.


Rufus Pirrello

Harvard Pledges $100 Million To Atone For Role In Slavery

Harvard University has announced it will spend $100 million to research and atone for its extensive ties with slavery, including plans to identify and support the descendants of enslaved people who labored at the Ivy League campus. What do you think?

It's just like those Harvard snobs to brag about having $100 million.


Ed Xiao

With that money, they could have given three or four Black students full rides to Harvard.


Brie Michaels

It's never too late to pay back far less than you took.


Liam Moore

McCarthy Audio Reveals Trump Acknowledged Responsibility For Capitol Attack

House Minority Leader Kevin McCarthy told Republican lawmakers in a leaked audio recording of a private conference call that then-President Donald Trump had admitted some responsibility for the deadly attack at the Capitol, which he denied until the audio became public. What do you think?

Was he joking? Sarcasm doesn't always translate on secret recordings.


Curt Garden

I'd be so embarrassed if my recorded phone calls about overthrowing a democracy were ever made public.


Maggie Perez

This might be bad news for anyone less universally beloved than Kevin McCarthy.


Mallory Broussard

Poll Finds 58% Of U.S. Voters Would Back Independent Candidate Over Biden, Trump

A newly released poll found that 58% of registered voters surveyed would consider backing a moderate independent or third-party candidate over President Biden and former President Trump in the next election, while the majority also said they do not want either to run in 2024. What do you think?


Allen Murthi

Well, God forbid one of those clowns ever becomes president.


Dan Zaozirny

An unnamed candidate with no clear policy positions? They've got my vote.


Alexander Haluzak

New York Public Library Makes Banned Books Available Nationwide For Free

New York City's Brooklyn Public Library announced a new initiative against growing censorship and book bans that provides young readers in the U.S. with free library cards to access its full eBook and audiobook collection. What do you think?

I'd hate to be there the day a Florida parent finds a NYC Public Library app on their innocent child's iPad.


Emma Livingston

This is nothing but a shameless ploy to remind people libraries exist.


Jim Whalen

Libraries have always been a haven for depravity.


Becca Legum

Pelosi Makes Unannounced Trip To Kyiv To Meet With Zelensky

House Speaker Nancy Pelosi made an unannounced trip to Kyiv over the weekend to meet with Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky to voice American solidarity with the besieged nation, making her the highest-ranking leader to visit since the invasion began. What do you think?


Noah Archila

She's out of touch for thinking this will attract voters. Most Americans don't even live in Kyiv.


Anthony Tenreyro

I'd think Ukraine would be sick of foreign governments dropping in unannounced.


LaToya Karpf

Study Shows Even Small Amounts Of Exercise Can Fight Depression

A new study has found that exercising just half the CDC recommended amount can substantially fight depression, with adults who did activities equivalent to only 1.25 hours of brisk walking per week having an 18% lower risk of depression compared to inactive adults. What do you think?

What do studies say about embracing the darkness?


Steward Pinnock

I would try it, but I'm worried exercising might be habit-forming.


Jerry Helms

Abbey In UK Seeking To Break World Record For Largest Vampire Gathering

Whitby Abbey, a 7th-Century English monastery, will attempt to break the world record for the largest gathering of people dressed as vampires to celebrate the 125th anniversary of Bram Stoker's novel, Dracula, which was partly inspired by the abbey ruins. What do you think?

Good luck finding that many pale, morose people in England.


Alese Riedy

Finally, we can take them all out in one go.


Eric Gathercole

I feel like the only parties I ever get invited to anymore are world record break attempts.


Amadou Dickerson

Americans Bring 'Souvenir' Artillery Shell To Israel Airport

An American family caused panic at an Israeli airport when they tried to bring an unexploded artillery shell they had found in the Golan Heights back to the states as a souvenir. What do you think?

Removing unexploded artillery from its natural habitat is never okay.


Veronica Collins

Total overreaction. It's not like it was six ounces of shampoo.


Steven Diallo

I don't see why this is an issue. Their tax dollars paid for it.


Blair Insor

Report: Some Tick Bites Causing Lifelong Red Meat Allergies

Experts are reporting that the aggressive lone star tick species, which can cause alpha-gal syndrome, an acquired lifelong allergy to red meat and other animal products, is spreading in the US from its native Southeast into the northern states. What do you think?

I take back everything I said about wanting a tick bite.


Luke Stutes

We've enjoyed red meat without health consequences for too long.


Felix Clambey

I don't trust any bug that makes me healthier.


Arthur Preston

Leaked Opinion Suggests Supreme Court Will Overturn 'Roe V. Wade'

The Supreme Court will vote to strike down the landmark Roe V. Wade decision according to a leaked draft majority opinion written by Justice Samuel Alito, likely ending nearly 50 years of federal abortion protection. What do you think?

I'm grateful I live in a blue state where I can delude myself for a few more years.


Rika Hauer

I'll feel much safer knowing rape and incest victims are behind bars where they belong.


Juan Borges

Okay, let's not get ourselves worked up until they've completely stripped us of our rights.


Brandon Falcone

Stanford University Receives $1.1 Billion For New Climate School

John Doerr, one of Silicon Valley's most successful venture capitalists, is giving $1.1 billion to Stanford University to fund a school focused on climate change, claiming the study of climate and sustainability will be the new computer science. What do you think?

I'd never throw my tuition money away on something as useless as our planet.


Rob Matney

With their research, maybe there will be a broad, scientific consensus about global warming one day.


Iana Zasczek

I'm just not sure how practical the environment is gonna be in four years.


Victor Gussetti

Study Finds Dogs' Personalities Have Little To Do With Breed

A study published in the journal Science found that many popular stereotypes about the behavior of dog breeds aren't supported by science, concluding that every dog is an individual. What do you think?

I'm surprised, most stereotypes are based on hard science.


Phil Bell

Nothing a few more centuries of inbreeding can't fix.


Suzanne Gutteridge

Well, yeah, my dog's personality is just whatever I project on him that day.


Abe Stratton

TurboTax To Pay $141 Million Fine For Steering Customers Away From Free Services

TurboTax owner Intuit agreed to pay $141 million to settle a claim from all 50 states and the District of Columbia that it deceived nearly 4.4 million Americans into paying for tax services that should have been free. What do you think?

If only there were a free service to help me pay taxes on my cut of the settlement.


Jay Aboulafia

People oughta think twice before being deceived.


Jude McCaskill

Satanic Temple Asks Boston To Fly Flag After Supreme Court Ruling

The Satanic Temple has requested to fly its flag over Boston City Hall after a recent Supreme Court ruling that the city violated a Christian group's constitutional free speech rights by refusing to raise a flag bearing the image of a cross. What do you think?

Okay, just as long as they don't allow any creepy Mormon stuff.


Lori Masterson

I don't need a flag because I carry Satan in my heart.


Regina Ferguson

Study Shows Mothers Who Outearn Husbands Also Do More Housework

A new study has found that moms actually take on more housework when their salary exceeds their husband's, with the weekly amount of housework for fathers decreasing from their average of seven hours per week, while mothers' housework starts increasing from 14 hours per week as her salary begins to eclipse her partner's. What do you think?


Paulo Mazar

We should even things out by paying women less again.


Roger Olimpio

So we're just going to ignore the fact that I loaded the dishwasher yesterday?


Jake Michaan

Louisiana Lawmakers Advance Bill To Classify Abortion As Homicide

Louisiana lawmakers have advanced a bill that would abolish abortion in the state, grant constitutional rights to all unborn children from the moment of fertilization, and classify abortion as a homicide crime. What do you think?

This will only devalue all the hard work that goes into legitimate homicides.


Rakesh Leiby

Well, the punishment should fit the illusion of a crime.


Isaac Horford

New York Times' Drops 'Fetus' As Wordle Solution

The New York Times has removed the word fetus from Monday's Wordle answers in a bid to keep the popular online game distinct from the news after last week's leaked Roe v. Wade supreme court draft ruling, ultimately causing confusion as it was only implemented for some of the game's players. What do you think?

Well, we wouldn't want The New York Times to become associated with the news.


Judy Winter

I can see how a medical term devoid of all context could be controversial.


Jay Kohan

Good. I don't ever like to see the same word twice in one day.


Don Satyal

Man Charged With Murdering His Wife Wins Indiana GOP Primary

A central Indiana man accused of murdering his wife and dumping her body in a creek in March has advanced in a Republican primary election for township board, winning close to 22% of the total 276 votes, while awaiting trial in jail. What do you think?

Yeah, I wouldn't want to make the murderer mad either.


Matt Farrington

He'll need a few more charges if he wants to get far in the GOP.


Gale Booker

Study: 93% Of Districts In Major U.S. Cities Unaffordable To Black Residents

A new study has found that 93% of neighborhoods in America's major cities were unaffordable to the majority of local Black residents, while the majority of affordable zip codes were low-opportunity neighborhoods. What do you think?

Huh, I wonder if this evidence is representative of an issue that might be system-wide.


Hugh Adler

I have to walk 10 blocks to get good pho, so nobody's neighborhood is perfect.


Orville Remy

If you know of a way to help Black people without helping the poor, I'm all ears.


Peter Feldberg

Nationwide Baby Formula Shortage Worsening

Nearly 40% of popular baby formula brands are sold out at retailers across the U.S. due to an increase in demand and a recent recall from one of the country's biggest infant formula plants. What do you think?

Perhaps it's time to recall some babies.


Andrew Melinek

This would be more of a problem if poor nutrition affected a baby's long-term health.


Khalil Said

Apple Discontinuing iPod After 21 Years

Apple has announced that it is discontinuing the iPod, which debuted in 2001 as the first MP3 player capable of storing 1,000 songs, the product now considered redundant as later versions increasingly resembled smartphones with similar features. What do you think?

Another challenger to vinyl meets its demise.


Sierra Godfrey

Apple Discontinuing iPod After 21 Years

It can rest easy knowing it destroyed the recording industry as we knew it.


Brad Martinez

Apple Discontinuing iPod After 21 Years

Looks like I bought one for my grandson just in the nick of time.


Ethan Schalk

1,000-Year-Old Cave Carvings Of Mysterious Giant Humanoids Discovered In Alabama

Researchers discovered a large collection of Native American cave art carvings in Alabama using 3D scanning technology to reveal thousands of carvings, including life-size anthropomorphs thought to possibly represent supernatural beings of the underworld. What do you think?

Just to be on the safe side, I will continue to avoid Alabama.


Lisa Steinberg

Is it the kind of thing that would look trendy on a tote bag?


Gary Jensen

I had no idea the Confederacy went back that far.


Lorraine Clayville

Biden Administration Capping Cost of Internet For Low-Income Americans

The White House has announced it will partner with internet providers to lower the cost of high-speed internet plans for 48 million low-income Americans, providing plans of at least 100 Megabits per second of speed for no more than $30. What do you think?

If Biden was serious about affordable internet, he'd share the White House wifi password.


Jeff Cecire

You've got to hand it to Biden. The man isn't afraid of a neutered version of an idea that was mainstream a decade ago.


Wade Stebbing

I approve of this as long as applying for the program is unnecessarily complicated.


Carla Selvig

Passenger With No Flight Experience Lands Plane After Pilot Becomes Incapacitated

A passenger with no flying experience managed to successfully land a small plane in Florida with the help of an air traffic controller after the pilot became incoherent following a medical emergency. What do you think?

You're supposed to stay in your section.


Joseph Carusillo

If the pilot was feeling incapacitated, he should've taken the day off.


Russell Donegan

I wouldn't volunteer to land a plane for anything less than a meal voucher.


Margo Jaffe

James Cromwell Glues Hand To Starbucks Counter To Protest Surcharge For Plant-Based Milk

Eighty-two-year-old Succession actor and activist James Cromwell super-glued his hand to a midtown Manhattan Starbucks counter in a PETA-organized protest denouncing the coffee chain's extra charge for plant-based milk. What do you think?

Wait 'til this guy hears about factory farms.


Logan Hoshabekian

You'd think a big organization like PETA could have gotten one of the leads from Succession.


Sayem Jones

Listen, we've all accidentally super-glued ourselves somewhere and had to come up with an excuse fast.


Reginald Litman

New York City Mayor Signs Law Requiring Job Postings To Include Minimum And Maximum Salary

New York City mayor Eric Adams signed the Salary Disclosure Law, which makes it illegal to post any job listing that doesn't include the minimum and maximum salary offered for the position, in order to provide greater transparency for job seekers. What do you think?

If those are the two options, I'll take the maximum.


Cristela Greenidge

I agree with the mayor that it's important to have transparency from any employer that's not the NYPD.


Curtis Gautreau

How will they know what the salary caps are if they don't know my race or gender?


Joy Mallick

Earth Given 50-50 Chance Of Hitting Key Warming Threshold By 2026

A new report claims the Earth has a 50-50 chance of temporarily reaching a global warming threshold by 2026, with temperatures rising more than 1.5 degrees celsius, an indicator of the point at which climate impacts will become increasingly harmful for people and the rest of the planet. What do you think?


Marcos Elsworth

I'd hate to be living on Earth right now.


Erin Kreimendahl

Scientists Grow Plant Seeds In Lunar Soil For First Time

Scientists have grown plants for the first time in lunar soil brought back to Earth by Apollo astronauts over 50 years ago, calling it an important step towards making long-term stays on the moon possible one day. What do you think?

Whew, I was worried that human beings were running out of plant life to kill.


Josiah Morant

One day the moon may be hospitable enough to abuse poultry on.


Patrick Vershbow

Hopefully, Earth soil will be motivated by the competition.


Austin Polowy

Judges Rule Calling Men 'Bald' Constitutes Sexual Harassment

An all-male panel of judges in the U.K. has ruled that commenting on a man's baldness is a form of sex discrimination or sexual harassment, saying that since baldness is more prevalent in men, commenting on it in the workplace is equivalent to remarking on the size of a woman's breasts. What do you think?

If there's a more acceptable word for bald heads than 'gazongas', I'll use it.


Mac Heitmann

Yeah, this is why I try to just reserve my comments for women.


Deanna Tiburon

So now men want to steal harassment from women too?


Isaac Apfel

DeSantis Signs Bill Banning Protests Outside Private Homes

Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis has signed a bill prohibiting picketing and protesting outside someone's private residence, in response to abortion rights protests recently staged in front of the homes of U.S. Supreme Court justices. What do you think?

They can come over to my place if they want.


Chloe Wang

I'm sure it'd be scary to have people protesting outside the gate an acre in front of your house.


Amar Hornsby

Snapchat CEO And Supermodel Pay Off College Debt For L.A. Art School Graduates

Snapchat CEO and co-founder Evan Spiegel and his wife, supermodel Miranda Kerr, who were keynote speakers at this year's graduation ceremony for Otis College of Art and Design, made donations to repay over $10 million in student loan debt for the school's newest graduates. What do you think?

That's nice, but I think kids these days are way more into TikTok paying off their college debt.


Evan Feldberg

A clean slate is just what graduates need to be eligible for more loans.


Kim Warneke

That should make up for whatever they feel guilty about doing.


Pierce Robinson

Madison Cawthorn Loses GOP Primary

Madison Cawthorn, the youngest member of Congress, has lost his seat in the Republican primary for North Carolina's 11th Congressional District after a deluge of scandals involving run-ins with the law, sexual innuendo, and claims about Republican orgies. What do you think?

Anyone willing to concede an election has no place in American politics.


Josh Kenyatta

Madison Cawthorn Loses GOP Primary

Good. He always struck me more as governor material.


Victoria Wittes

Madison Cawthorn Loses GOP Primary

Some people are just too pure for politics.


Bernadette Miller

U.S. Soccer And Players Agree To Equal Pay In New Contracts

U.S. Soccer and the women's and men's national teams have announced a historic collective bargaining agreement to close the gender pay gap and assure every player, man or woman, is paid equally, a first in the soccer federation world. What do you think?

Funny how the NFL has never had this problem.


Malcolm Rupar

Ringling Bros. Announces Comeback Tour Without Animal Acts

Ringling Brothers and Barnum & Bailey circus has announced the return of its big top circus that closed five years ago, which is scheduled to debut in the fall of 2023 as a multi-platform entertainment franchise that focuses on human feats rather than animal acts. What do you think?

I can't wait until I get to tell my kids the multi-platform entertainment franchise has come to town!


Susanna Haneman

It's probably easier to hide a juggler's body than an elephant's.


Todd Pareene

People see a bear riding a unicycle and assume the worst.


Monica Sherman

First Cases Of Monkeypox Confirmed In U.S.

U.S. Officials have confirmed the country's first two cases of monkeypox, a rare but potentially serious illness causing flu-like symptoms and rashes that lead to painful pustules on the body, recent outbreaks of which have already been reported in 12 countries. What do you think?

Remember when we freaked out about Covid, but it only killed a million Americans and counting?


Rashawn Anderson

I'm a little burned out on communicable diseases.


Hamish Grant

We all need a little variety in our plagues.


Henrique Welborn

Report: More Than 3,000 Potentially Harmful Chemicals Found In Food Packaging

Scientists have identified more than 3,000 potentially harmful chemicals that can be found in food packaging, tableware, and reusable food containers, two thirds of which were not previously known to be in contact with food. What do you think?


John Baudi

Aw, man. The packaging is the best part.


Maria Karhs

That's why I always peel a banana before eating it.


Marco Glassman

GOP Senator Says Maternal Death Rate Isn't As Bad If You Don't Count Black Women

Louisiana Sen. Bill Cassidy is under fire after arguing that the state's poor maternal mortality rate is only an outlier because of the high proportion of Black women, who are four times more likely to die during pregnancy than white women, and that the rate would be more standand if the numbers were corrected for race. What do you think?

It sounds bad to discount Black women, but it's possible he's just a doctor.


Marina Freeman

I don't think this statement would be so offensive if it were corrected for racism.


Charlton Steik

Come on, I'm sure all he meant is that he's incredibly racist.


Edna Carr

Meta Bans Employees From Talking About Abortion

Meta has reportedly told employees that they cannot talk about abortion on Workplace, its internal version of Facebook, because it could create a hostile work environment, leaving people feeling like they're being targeted based on their gender or religion. What do you think?

But what if it's newsworthy and good for engagement?


Ken Tedeschi

It's crazy how some people just won't shut up about fundamental rights being taken away.


Jim Beuley

Retired Couple To Live Permanently On Cruise Ships, Saying It's Cheaper Than Mortgage

A retired Seattle couple sold their home to live permanently on cruise ships, saying that the $89 per day they spend on room, food, and entertainment works out to be much cheaper than paying off a mortgage in Seattle. What do you think?

The better hack is to stow away in the engine room.


David Jong

A small price to pay for the chance to vomit every day.


Veronica Hurkens

There's no better way to go than being thrown overboard at the end.


Martina Astford

Walmart Pulls 'Juneteenth' Ice Cream After Backlash

Walmart has pulled its ice cream introduced to celebrate Juneteenth after critics decried the move as in poor taste and insensitive. What do you think?

So Christmas stuff can be in stores starting in October but Juneteenth ice cream in May is too much for some people?


Devin Lehoux

So what? It's not like they also secretly back Jim Crow era voter suppression bills.


Gary Beckwith

Makes sense. It's May; they were way too early.


Darnette Brown

U.S. Birth Rate Rises For First Time Since 2014

A CDC report found that births in the United States rose for the first time in seven years, with experts suggesting that postponed pregnancies due to the pandemic or changes in access to contraceptives could have influenced 2021 birth rates. What do you think?


Shane Adekyn

Finally, something to keep our healthcare workers busy.


Tony Kulyk

At this rate, we gotta start killing each other even faster.


Edgar Dowling

Hyundai Recalls 239,000 Cars For Exploding Seat Belt Parts

Hyundai is recalling 239,000 cars in the U.S., saying the seat belt pretensioners can explode upon deployment and send shrapnel throughout the vehicle, injuring vehicle occupants. What do you think?


Ricky Escandon

That's the risk one must take for safety.


Laurie Zelzier

But that's what made my commute interesting.


Lindsay Kirell

Senate Republicans Block Domestic Terrorism Prevention Bill

Senate Republicans have blocked a bill designed to combat domestic terrorism by setting up offices to track domestic terrorist activity and identify risks in order to prevent more incidents like the racially motivated mass shooting in Buffalo. What do you think?


Amir Braden

I'm sure the Senate Democrats are going to issue some very strongly worded tweets about that.


Walter Madison

I worry passing a bill like this would suggest America has a problem with violent racists.


Rose Schulman

Tennessee To Make Public Camping For Homeless A Felony

A Tennessee law going into effect July 1 will make camping on local public property a felony, threatening the homeless people who camp in parks with a punishment of up to six years in prison and the loss of voting rights. What do you think?


Juan Holbrook

What could be scarier than the threat of shelter?


Julian Kubo

Serves them right for wanting to exist in public.


Lawrence Hameroff

Scientists Discover Ancient Forest Inside Giant Sinkhole In China

Scientists in China have discovered a well-preserved ancient forest at the bottom of a giant sinkhole 630 feet deep with trees more than 100 feet tall that they believe could be home to numerous undiscovered species. What do you think?


Amy Jo Greason

America needs to respond with its own sinkhole forest if we don't want to get left behind.


Stefan Russo

This sinkhole has raised the bar for all sinkholes.


Ross Navarro

CEO Pay Rose 17% Last Year

Pay for CEOs who run the biggest U.S. companies soared 17.1% in 2021, up to a median of $14.5 million. What do you think?

That doesn't even keep up with four times the rate of inflation.


David Kaplowitz

CEO Pay Rose 17% Last Year

I hope they at least got a bonus on top of that.


Alana Malki

CEO Pay Rose 17% Last Year

Well, that should shut up all the people whining about wages.


Brandon Farrier

Man Disguised As Old Woman Throws Cake At Mona Lisa In Climate Protest

A man seemingly disguised as an old woman in a wheelchair threw a piece of cake at the glass protecting the Mona Lisa at the Louvre Museum in Paris, in an apparent climate-related protest. What do you think?

What a shrewd comment on the impotence of modern protest.


Janelle Cronin

This is why you leave seniors at the entrance and pick them up on the way out.


Lee Duval

Laugh all you want, but this man's bold actions are raising major awareness of what you can throw a cake on.


Qasim Wray

Last Salem Witch Pardoned

Massachusetts lawmakers have formally exonerated Elizabeth Johnson Jr., clearing her name 329 years after she was convicted of witchcraft in 1693 and sentenced to death at the height of the Salem Witch Trials. What do you think?

At least she can get on with her life now.


Thomas Edelstei

Last Salem Witch Pardoned

I said at the time she was guilty, and I'm sticking to it.


Gayle Hardwicke

Last Salem Witch Pardoned

Just another misguided move by soft-on-crime Massachusetts liberals.


Christa Garlow

Robot Orders Increase 40% Amid Labor Shortage

According to a new report, orders for workplace robots have increased by 40% in the first three months of 2022 amid a labor shortage in the U.S. What do you think?

Always inspiring to see hard working, blue-collar robots pulling themselves up by their bootstraps.


Terrence Havel

Stop pussyfooting around and teach them how to kill us all already.


Henry Bowen

Huh, I was wondering why my coworker exploded the other day.


Alice Gilroy

Las Vegas Chapels Told By Licensing Company To Stop Elvis-Themed Weddings

The licensing company that controls the use of Elvis Presley's name and image has ordered Las Vegas chapel operators to stop using Elvis in themed ceremonies. What do you think?

My fiancé and I will just find another way to cheapen the moment.


Jeremy McCann

But then these marriages won't be legitimate in the eyes of 'The King'.


Aiden Enieb

Looks like I got my mistake in under the wire.


Hugo Riecke

Queen Elizabeth Gets Horse As Jubilee Gift From France's Macron

French President Emmanuel Macron gave Queen Elizabeth a horse belonging to the French Republican Guard to mark her jubilee, describing the monarch as the golden thread that bound France and Britain during her 70-year reign. What do you think?

France should be careful before strengthening the English cavalry stock.


Keith Masket

That should be enough food to last the Queen a month.


Lisa Cooper

Scientists Discover Biggest Plant On Earth

Genetic testing has revealed that an underwater field of seagrass off the coast of Australia is a single organism covering 70 square miles, making the plant, which grows by repeatedly cloning itself, the largest on Earth. What do you think?

Glad I didn't waste my time visiting some puny redwoods.


Ji-Hun Hopper

Are they sure that's not another garbage patch?


Chris Tang

We were so busy making animals extinct that we just ignored this threat.


Sherman Diaz

Dogs Able To Detect Covid With High Accuracy

A study has found that trained dogs are better at detecting positive Covid cases than a rapid antigen test, with the dogs in the research study accurately identifying 97% of positive cases and taking an estimated 15 seconds to analyze each possible Covid sample. What do you think?

Whew! For a second there, I thought everyone at the airport had a bomb.


Caleb Stratis

Are we all going to get one for home use?


Fatima Leise

If my test comes back positive, somebody's going in his crate.


Daniella Tollefson

New York Passes Bill To Raise Age To Own Semi-Automatic Rifles From 18 To 21

New York passed legislation to ban anyone under age 21 from buying or possessing a semi-automatic rifle, a major change to state firearm laws pushed through less than three weeks after an 18-year-old used one of the guns to kill 10 people at a supermarket in Buffalo. What do you think?

It'd be so lame to shoot up your former high school as a 21-year-old.


Allistair Sanislo

I'd be more comfortable getting slaughtered by someone whose brain is fully developed.


Andre McGavock

Another rite of passage snatched away from our teens.


Matt Koenigs

Ancient City In Iraq Unearthed After Extreme Drought

Archaeologists in Iraq discovered the ruins of a 3,400-year-old lost city, complete with a palace and a sprawling fort, after extreme drought severely depleted water levels in the country's largest reservoir. What do you think?


Sandy Haluska

Don't worry, next month's extreme flooding will cover it back up.


Miles Fowler

There's definitely a pretext to invade here, just give me a second.


David Soto

Ron DeSantis Vetoes Funds For Tampa Bay Rays After Tweets Against Gun Violence

Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis blocked state funding for a new Tampa Bay Rays training facility in part because the baseball team spoke out against gun violence in the wake of back-to-back gun-related massacres in Uvalde, TX and Buffalo, NY. What do you think?

If Tampa Bay ever acquires a fan base, this might come back to haunt him.


Patti Sunderman

Let's hear him out. Maybe he's putting that funding toward Planned Parenthood.


Chris Lall

I'm worried this could have a cooling effect on phony corporate posturing.


Spencer Lueck

Harris Announces Nearly $2 Billion In Private Investment To Stem Migration

Vice President Harris touted $1.9 billion in new investments from the private sector to address root causes of migration driving people out of Central America. What do you think?

Hard to believe anyone needs to be incentivized to not come here.


Aaron Kovalenko

I would've definitely stayed in my war-torn country if I had a job in data entry.


April Remir

It's tricky because I don't want migrants here, but I also don't want them to be safe in their home countries.


Zeke Dowdy

Apple Users Will Soon Be Able To Unsend And Edit Sent iPhone Text Messages

Apple has revealed that users will soon be able to delete and edit iMessages after they have been sent, a feature that will be available later this year in an iOS 16 update. What do you think?

I'll finally be able to unsend that text to my boss about...work.


Steven Embry

I'm just 5,000 edited texts away from my girlfriend forgiving me.


Missy Gough

Poll Shows Nearly Half Of Republicans Say U.S. Has To 'Accept' Mass Shootings

A new poll found that 44% of Republican voters surveyed say that mass shootings are something we have to accept as part of a free society, while 85% of Democrats and 73% of Independents say they are preventable if we really tried. What do you think?

We're going to run out of victims soon here anyways.


Patrick Daver

But if there were a really bad mass shooting, I bet they'd change their minds.


Tom Orias

Wow, almost half. No wonder Republican politicians are afraid to take action.


Khalid Bisti

Iditarod Dog Found Safe Months After Disappearing From Checkpoint

An Iditarod sled dog was found safe after disappearing from a checkpoint in the race three months ago and covering nearly 150 miles. What do you think?

Thank God. They can finally punish that quitter.


Ira Valerio

What about being forced to run a thousand miles in the arctic snow made him want to leave?


Gordon McKenzie

Now they can remove all the missing dog posters from across the Alaskan wilderness.


Jada Zafir

Nationwide 988 Suicide Prevention Hotline Launching This Summer

This summer, every state will be rolling out 988 as the new National Suicide Prevention Lifeline number to call for mental health crises, similar to how people can call 911 for medical emergencies. What do you think?


Joe Aletto

Finally, the stopgap solution I've been holding out for.


Dean Rodriguez

No thanks, I usually just call my ex girlfriend.


Dennis Holcomb

Michigan GOP Governor Candidate Arrested For Role In Capitol Riots

The FBI have arrested Ryan Kelley, one of five Michigan Republican gubernatorial candidates, for his role in the Jan. 6 attack on the U.S. Capitol, after a video captured Kelley in a crowd assaulting and pushing past Capitol police. What do you think?

Will footage of his arrest go in his opponents' ads or his own?


Andy Shapiro

I can't see the voters of Michigan rewarding this type of behavior with more than two terms in office.


Mia Diehl

I thought engaging with the people was a good thing.


Lee Fiske

U-Haul Full Of White Supremacists Planning Riot At Pride Event Arrested

Idaho police officers arrested 31 people affiliated with the white naitonalist group Patriot Front on charges of conspiracy to riot after they were discovered packed into the back of a U-Haul truck with riot gear on the way to a nearby Pride event. What do you think?

I don't judge anyone for how they choose to celebrate Pride.


José Ferguson

It's homophobic behavior like this that gives white nationalism a bad name.


Nikita Burke

It's always worth it to hire a moving company.


Bessie Schmidt

E.U. To Mandate Universal Charging Port For New Devices

European Union officials have agreed to mandate a single mobile charging port for new mobile phones, tablets, and cameras, designed to cut waste and make life easier for consumers by having the same USB-C port on multiple devices. What do you think?

Sorry, but it's totally unreasonable to expect iPhones to have the same charging port as other iPhones.


Kevin Crandall

The government has no right making my life more convenient like that.


Ryan Vladeck

Since when do laws apply to tech companies?


Connie Silverman

Jennifer Hudson Achieves EGOT Status

Jennifer Hudson has won a Tony award for coproducing this year's Best Musical winner, A Strange Loop, earning her the elite EGOT status, a distinction held by any artist who has won an Emmy, Grammy, Oscar, and a Tony Award in their career. What do you think?

It's times like this I wish I could feel happy for others.


Tyler Clement

Jennifer Hudson Achieves EGOT Status

This could be the big break Hudson has been waiting for.


Khizer Harper

Jennifer Hudson Achieves EGOT Status

It's not that impressive when you consider the fact that she's privileged with talent.


Calvin Hamid

Experimental Cancer Drug Sees 100% Success Rate In Clinical Trial

A small clinical trial testing the experimental drug dostarlimab saw 100% of rectal cancer cases go into remission, with oncologists saying the unprecedented results have the potential of being a huge step forward in cancer research. What do you think?


Gideon Morris

I don't know, my HMO says there are a lot of upsides to having cancer.


Joy Kruger

Let's see it go head-to-head with good old-fashioned prayer.


Elliot Choupa

Two M&M Factory Workers Rescued After Falling Into Chocolate-Filled Vat

Two maintenance workers were rescued by firefighters after falling into a partially filled chocolate tank at a Mars Wrigley factory in Pennsylvania. What do you think?

Have they considered containing the chocolate in safe, candy-coated shells?


Jordan Bailey

I expect all my chocolate to be made with a little suffering.


Chuck Kamron

Over 100 Million Americans Under Extreme Heat Advisories Across U.S.

More than 100 million Americans are under a heat advisory this week, with officials urging people to stay indoors as record-breaking temperatures topping 10 to 30 degrees above normal are expected in many areas of the country. What do you think?

This has the sun's fingerprints all over it.


Matthew Neider

I've been meaning to see if heat stroke lives up to the hype.


Martin Belcamino

New Ohio Law Allows School Employees To Carry Guns With 24 Hours Of Training

Ohio Gov. Mike DeWine (R) signed a new bill into law that makes it easier for teachers and staff to carry guns on school premises, reducing the hours of training required for armed school personnel from 700 to 24. What do you think?

I didn't know gun owners could be trained.


Angela Mallick

With a gun, you really just need to get the gist.


Omar Sandofsky

Those last 676 hours basically just repeat the stuff from the first 24 anyway.


Angus Kasparian

Company Offering $2,000 To Release 100 Cockroaches Into Home

A pest control company in Raleigh, NC is offering $2,000 to release 100 cockroaches into the homes of volunteers as part of a study on the efficacy of various DIY cockroach treatments. What do you think?

Do you have to take it as a lump sum or can you receive the cockroaches in installments?


Sharon Harma

Living in New York, I have to pay more than $2,000 a month for that experience.


Derek Bradshaw

See? There are lots of great gigs in this economy.


Bridget Lang

Ancient Greek 'Yearbook' Discovered On 2,000-Year-Old Tablet

A recently translated 2,000-year-old Greek marble tablet is being recognized as a primitive version of a yearbook that includes the signatures of students completing ephebate, a military training and civic education program of the era. What do you think?

My cheap high school printed our yearbooks on paper.


Will Cozad

I bet the ancient Greeks had a really good debate team.


Raymond Arato

Lucky. My mom threw out all my ancient tablets.


Amanda Beschloss

Study Finds U.S. Could Have Saved 338,000 Lives From Covid With Universal Healthcare

According to a new study, the U.S. could have saved more than 338,000 lives and more than $105 billion in healthcare costs in the Covid-19 pandemic with a universal healthcare system, citing delayed diagnosis and exacerbated transmission for the uninsured or underinsured in the current system. What do you think?

Better to die free than to live under the tyranny of having healthcare.


Harry Doran

I bet annual deductibles saved way more lives than that.


Stanley Bradford

I have faith that even with universal healthcare, America could find its way to hundreds of thousands of preventable deaths.


Kevin Sharpe

China Says It May Have Detected Signals From Alien Civilizations

Scientists in China have claimed that the country's enormous Sky Eye telescope may have picked up trace signals from a distant alien civilization in a recently posted and subsequently deleted report. What do you think?

It's sad that extraterrestrials are so unconcerned with China's human rights record.


Bobby Mull

Yes, but we've had footage of Bigfoot for much longer.


Kaia O’Brien

They better not have been talking shit about us.


Kelsey Canning

Children Served Floor Sealant Instead Of Milk At Alaska Day Care

Twelve elementary school children in Juneau, AK drank floor sealant they thought was milk after it was served to students at a summer care program, the chemical revealed to have been stored in a food warehouse by mistake. What do you think?

I'd hate to be the poor guy who put milk all over his floor.


Ben Panesar

If kids have certain dietary restrictions parents should let teachers know during drop off or pick up times.


Andy Lopez

Just feed them a bunch of floors, it'll balance out.


Caleb Lorimer

Supreme Court Approves Use Of Public Money For Religious Education

The Supreme Court ruled that Maine cannot exclude religious schools from a state tuition assistance program, a decision that critics say further erodes the separation of church and state. What do you think?

It evens out because churches pay more than their fair share of taxes.


Rory Grueskin

Maybe this will help close the gap of American children not getting into Heaven.


Carmen DiMario

At long last, an opening for Islam to take root in New England.


Brendan Gori

Florida Only State Not Preordering Toddler Covid-19 Vaccines

Florida governor Ron DeSantis has announced that he will not facilitate distribution of the Covid-19 vaccine for toddlers ahead of its final approval by the government, making Florida the only state not to do so, which could delay availability to children's hospitals. What do you think?

If the toddlers don't like it, they should just move.


Ray Kerwin

Finally a governor who isn't always trying to do the 'smart' thing.


Kathy McNitt

It'll be hard for him to win back the toddler vote in November.


George Kiggins

Russian Journalist Auctions Off Nobel Peace Prize For $103.5 Million To Help Ukraine

Dmitry Muratov, the co-winner of the 2021 Nobel Peace Prize and the editor of one of Russia's last major independent newspapers, auctioned off his Nobel medal for a record $103.5 million to aid children displaced by the war in Ukraine. What do you think?

What a shameless ploy to win another Nobel Peace Prize.


Alisha Katyal

Canada Banning Single-Use Plastics

Canada will be banning the manufacture and importation of single-use plastics by the end of the year, in a sweeping effort to fight pollution and climate change. What do you think?

I would never just use and throw out a plastic grocery bag, I have too much respect for them.


Frank Squires

Canada Banning Single-Use Plastics

Guess it's back to pouring iced coffee right into my bare hands.


Dan Taggart

Canada Banning Single-Use Plastics

I thought Canadians were too polite to ban things.


Noel Millican

Supreme Court Issues Decision Making It Easier To Carry Guns In Public

The Supreme Court has ruled that Americans have a right to carry firearms in public for self-defense, a major expansion of gun rights likely to lead to more people legally armed in cities and beyond. What do you think?

This ruling will come in handy if I ever have to defend myself against a school full of unarmed children.


Jennifer Stack

Hopefully only the most trustworthy and well-adjusted among us will be carrying a gun at all times.


Pete Lindner

Now I can take the fight to burglars 50 miles from my house.


Monica Watterson

Failure To Stand On One Leg For 10 Seconds Linked To Increased Risk Of Death

According to a new study, middle-aged people who cannot stand on one leg for at least 10 seconds are at higher risk of dying within the next decade, with researchers saying the simple balance test may be useful to include in routine physical exams for people over 50. What do you think?


Seath Harding

Is this with or without holding onto the nurse?


Leonard Elkon

I know a doctor trying to humiliate me when I see one.


Cullen Lafferty

Polio Detected In U.K. For First Time In 40 Years

British health officials have identified a likely outbreak of polio in London for the first time in 40 years, finding multiple versions of the virus in sewage water. What do you think?

I feel bad for those chumps who threw out their iron lung.


Danny Zepeda

Nice try, but you can't make me care about people in other countries.


Celeste Hughes

I thought we eradicated the U.K. decades ago.


Will Dryden

Bipartisan Gun Control Bill Signed Into Law

President Joe Biden has signed into law the most significant gun control bill in three decades, a law that enhances background checks for 18- to 21-year-olds, closes the boyfriend loophole, and provides billions of dollars for mental health services and crisis intervention programs. What do you think?

I'm sorry, but the state of my mental health is between me and my gun.


Cedric Seiyefa

Shows you what's possible when both sides are willing to leave the status quo mostly in place.


Alice Lamic

Somebody's earned himself a few months at Camp David!


Curtis Holt

Green Day's Billie Joe Armstrong To Renounce U.S. Citizenship Over Roe v. Wade Ruling

Green Day frontman Billie Joe Armstrong told a London concert audience that he will renounce his U.S. citizenship following the Supreme Court's decision to overturn Roe v. Wade, and relocate to the U.K. What do you think?

Teenagers say a lot of things for shock value.


Barbara Foster

You can't match the U.K.'s record on human rights.


Kent Pierson

I always knew he was a royalist at heart.


Julian LaDuke

Senators Say Trump Supreme Court Nominees Misled Them

Sens. Susan Collins (R-ME) and Joe Manchin (D-WV) told reporters they were misled by Supreme Court justices Neil Gorsuch and Brett Kavanaugh, who both testified under oath that Roe v. Wade was settled legal precedent. What do you think?

It's too bad there's nothing U.S. senators can do to influence abortion laws in this country.


Emily Riaz

Maybe they should try to make things people say under oath legally binding in some fashion.


Howie Kimball

Hopefully they'll remember this when vetting Trump's next three Supreme Court nominees.


Angelo Hamrick

Flu Vaccine Linked To 40% Reduced Risk Of Alzheimer's Disease

According to a new study, people who received at least one influenza vaccine were 40% less likely than their non-vaccinated peers to develop Alzheimer's disease over the course of four years. What do you think?

I caught last year's Alzheimer's and it wasn't too bad.


Stacey Doringo

Yeah, but sometimes Walgreens is really busy.


Patrick Jensen

So there could be a benefit to getting vaccinated after all.


Bill Hartley

Former Aide: Trump Was Told Protesters Had Weapons On Jan. 6

Former White House aide Cassidy Hutchinson testified Tuesday that despite Donald Trump being informed that the protesters outside the White House on Jan. 6 had weapons, he told officials to let my people in and march to the Capitol. What do you think?

Well, yeah, how else did he expect them to kill everyone?


Conrad Vershbow

I only bring my AR-15 to protests to make sure they stay peaceful.


Vishal Asner

Airbnb Banning Party Houses Permanently

Airbnb is permanently banning all parties and events at host properties around the world, which includes open-invite gatherings, while offering a tip line that allows neighbors or others to report parties. What do you think?

They'll just have to trust that I rented this eight-bedroom house to read quietly in for a few days.


Dennis Coch

Airbnb Banning Party Houses Permanently

Whatever, my frat has come back from way worse than this.


Elle Wendling

Airbnb Banning Party Houses Permanently

This is going to make their hidden-camera footage so boring now.


Scott Maza

Justice Breyer Officially Retires

Justice Stephen Breyer notified the White House that his retirement will be effective today at noon Eastern time, paving the way for Ketanji Brown Jackson to be sworn in as Supreme Court Justice on the conservative-majority court. What do you think?

I left my last job when shit started hitting the fan too.


Grace Wester

Justice Breyer Officially Retires

Now? When there are so many crucial rulings for him to be powerless to stop?


Carlos Risin

Justice Breyer Officially Retires

He should've switched to part-time and just voted on every other case.


Minda Farrar

Taco Bell Testing New Menu Items With Oversized Cheez-It

Taco Bell is testing new menu items, the Big Cheez-It Tostada and Big Cheez-It Crunch Wrap Supreme, which both feature an oversized Cheez-It cracker 16 times the size of a regular Cheez-It, in the hopes of replicating the success of the restaurant's Dorito shells. What do you think?

Wow, my two favorite things put together: the Kellogg Company and Yum! Brands Inc.


Jeffrey Leeds

This is wrong. God made Cheez-Its a certain size for a reason.


Leon Baxter

Reminds me of the oversized Cheez-Its my abuela used to make.


Jake Elsden

Men Rushing To Get Vasectomies After Supreme Court Overturns Roe v. Wade

Urologists say that men are rushing to get vasectomies in the wake of abortion bans in several states, with some clinics seeing a 300% to 400% spike in people looking to receive consultations for the reversible male sterilization procedure. What do you think?

I'd do anything to ease the pain and injustice of wearing a condom.


Stephen Blackburn

Huh? What do men have to do with pregnancy?


Cassandra Leigh

I never would have supported overturning Roe v. Wade if I had known that it would affect men.


Pete Henshaw

America Celebrates Independence Day

The Fourth of July marks our independence as a nation. How are you celebrating?


Jayne Emmett

America Celebrates Independence Day

I'll probably call my parents and do something while they talk.


Ross Paschal

America Celebrates Independence Day

I will not be celebrating our country in light of everything that's been happening these last few hundred years.


Wanda Kissel

Minnesota 'Accidentally' Legalizes THC Edibles

Minnesota passed a bill legalizing hemp-derived THC edibles and beverages for people 21 and over, with some Republican lawmakers saying later they misunderstood the bill and thought it only applied to milder, delta-8 THC products, which are already allowed under federal law. What do you think?

We're just a few dozen fuckups away from affordable healthcare.


Akeim Winslow

This is what happens when you don't keep your state resolutions clearly labeled.


Pablo Nepinak

Ignorance is no excuse for doing the right thing.


Charis Kerman

Large Mass Of Used Wet Wipes Forms 'Island' In Thames River

A huge mass of used wet wipes flushed down toilets has formed an island the size of two tennis courts in the Thames in London, causing the river as it flows through the city to change course. What do you think?

Hawaii's out of the question, but this might be in my price range.


Manuel Emerson

That's why you're supposed to throw them out the window.


Alexandra Spelman

California To Become First State To Provide Free Healthcare For Undocumented Residents

California will become the first state to guarantee free healthcare for all low-income undocumented immigrants living in the country, a move that will provide coverage for an additional 764,000 people at an eventual cost of about $2.7 billion a year. What do you think?

I don't think we should give them special consideration just because they underpin our entire economic system.


Gerald Bowman

And yet California does nothing to help Pennsylvanians like me.


Lewis Kwon

Okay, as long as their care is as shitty as mine.


Kurt Pacheco

Dilbert' Creator Suggests Killing Your Son If He's A Danger To Others

Scott Adams, creator of the Dilbert comics, is receiving serious backlash for his tweet suggesting that a parent should kill their own son if he is a danger to himself and others, claiming the only other option is to watch people die. What do you think?


Seth Andrews

Unhinged ranting might fly in the funny pages, but it has no place on Twitter.


Javier Asoka

Hangover Prevention Pill Goes On Sale In U.K.

A new hangover pill, Myrkl, that claims to help drinkers wake up feeling refreshed by accelerating the breakdown of alcohol in the gut before it reaches the liver if taken at least one hour before alcohol consumption, has launched in the U.K. What do you think?

I'll try anything besides drinking even a little bit less.


Kenny Oteps

Big deal. I've been mixing alcohol with pills for years.


Josephine Cruz

Whatever happened to good old reliable vomiting?


Max Hardt

Worker Accidentally Paid 300 Times His Salary Disappears With Money

A dispatch assistant at a cold meats manufacturer in Chile submitted his resignation and could not be found after his job accidentally paid him about 330 times his salary because of a payroll error, the man receiving $180,418 instead of his monthly $545 paycheck. What do you think?

It's common courtesy to give two week's notice before absconding with thousands in company money.


Philip Weekman

I'm sure they'd let him keep it in exchange for 300 more years of work.


Kelsey Silva

Seems like a pretty clear-cut case of finders, keepers.


Aaron Machado

Boris Johnson Resigns After Party Mutiny

Boris Johnson announced his resignation after more than 50 conservative lawmakers stepped down in protest, saying the prime minister was no longer fit to lead the country due to a series of scandals, the latest surrounding sexual misconduct by a deputy chief whip he promoted. What do you think?

What happened to good old-fashioned ousting?


Kara McDowell

No, idiots, you're supposed to reward unfitness.


Rafael Gerads

Always better to quit while you're still ahead.


Nancy Rupar

Tucker Carlson Blames Mass Shootings On Women Lecturing Men About Privilege

Fox News host Tucker Carlson claimed that one contributing factor in young men committing mass shootings is women lecturing men about their so-called privilege, which he says leads to an unhealthier, unhappier life for men. What do you think?

Thank God so few people listen to women.


Zach Saderholm

That's outrageous. I hope they punish whatever woman drove him to say that.


Christian Bradley

Elon Musk Says He's Terminating $44 Billion Deal To Buy Twitter

Elon Musk says he is terminating his $44 billion agreement to purchase Twitter, claiming failure to comply with the merger agreement, with Twitter now planning on taking legal action to enforce the deal. What do you think?

If false and misleading statements were enough to scare him off, maybe he was never cut out for Twitter.


Barney Stanton

Thank God. I would hate it if a rich person owned a website I use.


Molly Crenshaw

I'm sure they'll come to an agreement he can also back out of.


Marcelo Rodriguez

Weed Killer Chemical Tied To Cancer Found In 80% Of U.S. Urine Samples

A new CDC report has found that more than 80% of urine samples taken from 2,310 children and adults contained glyphosate, a weed-killing chemical found in herbicides around the world that has been linked to cancer. What do you think?

I stopped drinking weed killer decades ago.


Aaron Vitu

We all knew when we first started this war against the weeds that there'd be sacrifices.


Beatrix Ohimai

If you're dumb enough to eat food grown on this planet, you get what you deserve.


Joseph Biba

Nashville Hot Dog Eatery Offering Free Milkshake With Proof Of Vasectomy

A Nashville hot dog eatery is offering customers a free milkshake for showing a doctor's note as proof of having had a vasectomy in a promotion inspired by the overturning of Roe v. Wade and offered as an incentive for having the birth control procedure. What do you think?

Women losing their bodily autonomy wasn't convincing enough for me, but this might do the trick.


Matthew Thoburn

As long as the women who are forced to carry their pregnancy to term don't get anything.


Lola Crew

Let's wait to hear Chick-fil-A's counter-offer.


Felix Behunin

Floating Abortion Clinic Proposed In Gulf To Bypass Bans

A California doctor is proposing a floating abortion clinic in the Gulf of Mexico as a way to maintain access for people in southern states where abortion bans have been enacted, offering first trimester surgical abortion in federal waters outside the reach of state laws. What do you think?

Sometimes the simplest solutions really are the best.


Amir Figen

If there's one place that would be easy for low-income women to get to, it's a floating abortion clinic in the Gulf of Mexico.


Frances Mancini

This wouldn't be necessary if Democrats were in power.


Bertram Getley

HHS: Doctors Must Provide Abortions In Medical Emergencies Regardless Of State Law

Health and Human Services Secretary Xavier Becerra announced that healthcare providers must provide abortions in medical emergencies under law and will face penalties if they decline to offer the procedure, saying that federal law preempts state abortion bans. What do you think?

I shudder to think of the number of women's lives that will be saved by this meddling.


Eleanora Murray

Nice try, but doctors only answer to insurance companies.


Seth Zeferino

Hopefully earning minimum wage and finding out you're pregnant counts as a medical emergency.


Paulie Scharf

John Bolton Admits To Planning Foreign Coups

John Bolton, former national security adviser, said in a recent interview that it was wrong to call Trump's attempt to stay in power a coup, citing his own experience planning coup attempts in other countries. What do you think?

Oh come on, everyone goes through a coup phase.


James Forsythe

Give him a break, he said, 'coup attempts.'


Carrie Spivey

You can talk about your own achievements without belittling the coup attempts of others.


Mike Laveau

London Heathrow Tells Airlines To Stop Ticket Sales As It Caps Passengers

London's Heathrow Airport is capping daily passenger numbers for the summer and telling airlines to stop selling tickets as it steps up efforts to quell travel chaos caused by soaring travel demand and staff shortages. What do you think?

Glad it's not one of the usual reasons I'm not allowed to fly.


Celine Hannigan

Then I'll take my business across the street to another major hub of worldwide air travel.


Derek Mulligan

I guess Boris really was holding that country together.


Tom Heinrich

NYC Puts Out PSA In Case Of Nuclear Attack

New York City's Office of Emergency Management issued a public service announcement in case of a nuclear attack on the city, though the OEM stresses the chances of such an attack are low. What do you think?

Hard to even imagine a catastrophic attack on New York.


Donna Kosin

This is only going to make teens think that nuclear attacks are even cooler.


Jeanette Fabian

U.S. Tourist Taking Selfie Falls Into Mount Vesuvius

A 23-year-old American tourist in Italy survived a fall into the crater of Mount Vesuvius, the 4,000-foot-tall volcano that destroyed the Roman city of Pompeii, as he tried reaching for his phone to take a selfie. What do you think?

Ugh, tourists. I remember when Mount Vesuvius was a secret gem just for locals to fall into.


Stuart Goodman

I hope he learned his lesson about not falling into volcanoes.


Larry Cabezas

I'm sure he would've been erupted out eventually.


Jan Rubenstein

Secret Service Deleted Jan. 6 Text Messages After Oversight Request

Texts sent between U.S. Secret Service agents on Jan. 5 and 6 of 2021 were erased after the agency's oversight body sought the communications in a review into the Capitol attack, which they claim occurred as part of a device replacement program. What do you think?

When I'm innocent, I make sure I delete every trace of it.


Michael Beinlich

No way I'd let texts about my boss go public.


Peter Bogan

Probably wasn't anything important if they went ahead and deleted them.


Stephanie Van Nest

Study Shows Men Prefer Dating Profiles With Poor Grammar

A new study has found that men on dating apps prefer women with poor grammar and are less drawn to well-written profiles, while women were 300% times more likely to prefer profiles with no grammatical mistakes. What do you think?

Back in my day, the men did all the spelling.


Julian Taub

Yeah, no one likes a stuck-up bitch who punctuates.


George Cloutier

Having something to correct a woman on is a great ice breaker.


Sandra Haynie

Zelensky Fires Top Spy Chief, Prosecutor For Allegedly Collaborating With Russia

President Volodymyr Zelensky has suspended the head of Ukraine's spy agency and the prosecutor general, claiming several cases of treason in the two powerful organizations. What do you think?

I heard Russia has a lot of Russian spies, too.


Darren Iguado

Couldn't he deal with this later? There's a war on!


Sean Vega

That must've been an awkward exit interview.


Beverly Moore

Texas Sues Biden Administration Over Requiring Abortions In Medical Emergencies

Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton (R) filed a lawsuit against the Biden administration, arguing that a recent directive for medical providers to offer abortions in emergency situations was unlawful. What do you think?

Since when are doctors supposed to treat medical emergencies?


Matt Cieslak

It should be up to the people to elect doctors.


Juan Barbosa

Finally, a Republican official willing to stand up to Biden.


Marcus Snider

Jennifer Lopez Weds Ben Affleck In Las Vegas Drive-Through Chapel

Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck got married in a late-night Las Vegas drive-through chapel, culminating a relationship that spans over two decades and two separate romances. What do you think?

They are really going to regret missing out on all of the cookware they would have received as wedding gifts.


Heidi Zamora

A lot of couples can't afford a huge reception these days.


Jarrid Akome

Just in case this doesn't work out, I'm going to keep sending her my hair.


Emma Broughan

House Approves Same-Sex Marriage Bill

The House overwhelmingly approved legislation to protect same-sex and interracial marriages amid concerns that the Supreme Court will revoke other rights in the wake of Roe v. Wade being overturned, though the bill is likely to stall in the Senate. What do you think?

At least we know where the least powerful arm of the government stands on this.


Harry Frazier

House Approves Same-Sex Marriage Bill


Mark Cambran

House Approves Same-Sex Marriage Bill

You know things are going well when the term 'interracial marriage' needs to be brought up as much as it is.


Irene Sanders

U.K. Breaks Record For Highest Temperature Ever Reported

Britain shattered its record for highest temperature ever registered amid an intense heat wave that has scorched large swathes of Europe, with temperature readings in the country rivaling those of the Sahara desert. What do you think?

I'm glad I live in a country where climate change doesn't exist.


Rusty Larkin

One thing I can suggest is pulling your shirt away from your back and sort of shaking it to get a little breeze.


Dawn Mabelitina

U.K. Movie Theater Offers Redheads Free Movie Tickets To Escape Heat

British movie theater chain Showcase Cinemas U.K. recently offered free tickets to people with red hair amid a heat wave in the country, explaining that redheads are more vulnerable to the sun's rays and would have shelter in their fully air-conditioned theaters. What do you think?

I'm sorry, but climate change has decided their fate.


Rico Bryant

I'm glad we're finally recognizing brunette privilege.


Gabriel Caralho

Europeans have always had a knack for rounding up certain groups of people into a singular spot.


Tom Gutteres

Senators Announce Bipartisan Bill To Stop Candidates From Stealing Elections

A bipartisan group of senators have reached a deal to shore up provisions in the Electoral Count Act, to make it harder to overturn a certified presidential election. What do you think?

Now candidates will have to just buy the presidency fair and square.


Naomi Knott

The government really shouldn't be interfering in things like American politics.


Esteban Weibley

It's so sweet they think we're gonna keep having elections.


Antonio Ritter

Survey: 1 In 5 U.S. Adults Condone 'Justified' Political Violence

A new survey has found that one in five adults in the United States believe that political violence is justified in some circumstances, with 7.1% saying they would be willing to kill a person to advance an important political goal. What do you think?

Wow, I'm not even willing to vote to achieve my political goals.


Vicki Crawford

I'm tired of people injecting politics into everything I love.


Kirk Russo

I'm not political, but I'm always looking for new reasons to punch someone.


Keke Merriman

Monarch Butterflies Listed As Endangered

The International Union for the Conservation of Nature has announced that monarch butterflies are now listed as endangered due to dwindling populations in North America attributed to loss of habitat, pesticides, and climate change. What do you think?

I should make more of an effort to hang out with them now.


Sal Bennardo

Oh no, now how are we going to get honey?


Dean Sindhi

Damn, soon I won't be able to make my famous monarch butterfly gumbo anymore.


Warren Andrade

WHO Declares Monkeypox Spread A Global Health Emergency

The World Health Organization has declared the international monkeypox outbreak a global emergency, the last issued global health emergency occurring in Jan. 2020 in response to the Covid-19 outbreak. What do you think?

I'm sure my disdain for prudent Covid health measures will transfer nicely.


Spencer Marin

Is there conspiracy theory guidance on this yet?


Lorena Naeem

It seems like only yesterday we eradicated Covid-19.


Gabe Varley

Walgreens Customers Denied Birth Control, Condoms On Religious Grounds

Customers are calling for a Walgreens boycott after claims that customers are being denied birth control and condoms, with the pharmacy stating its policy allows employees to step away from filling a prescription for which they have a moral objection. What do you think?


Betty Abrego

I always consult a cashier for family planning decisions anyway.


Caroline Armando

Brooklyn Bishop Robbed Of $1 Million Worth Of Jewelry During Church Service

A Brooklyn bishop and his wife were robbed of more than $1 million worth of jewelry by three gunmen during a live-streamed church service. What do you think?

I'll make sure to put extra jewelry in the collection plate this Sunday.


Julio Portes

Don't they know a man of God would have simply given it to them?


Toby Steinkruger

Study Finds Orlando Most Vacant Major U.S. City

A new study has ranked Orlando as the number one city in the country with the highest vacancy rate of over 15%, finding it to be home to 161,000 empty housing units, with other tourist-centric towns Miami and Tampa also high on the list. What do you think?

What can you do? The kids grow up and they flock to Gainesville.


Jan Wolitzky

It's no wonder, did you see the carpeting in those places?


Dennis Tate

A house is more of an investment opportunity than a place to live.


Doug Ingraham

Robot Chess Player Breaks Boy's Finger At Moscow Tournament

According to Russian media outlets, a chess-playing robot grabbed and broke a boy's finger during a match at the Moscow Open, with officials saying the incident occurred because the child violated safety rules by taking a turn too quickly. What do you think?

I never dreamed that we would someday be able to automate bad sportsmanship.


Marissa Landon

Robots will never fully replace humans until they can learn to let children win at board games.


Tristan Sumter

Someone tell that wuss nine fingers are more than enough to move a bishop.


Shannon Culbert

Lower Sex Drive, Hair Loss Among Long Covid Symptoms, Study Finds

A new study has found that reduced sex drive and hair loss are among a wider set of long-term Covid symptoms based on analyzed electronic health records of 2.4 million people in the U.K. What do you think?


Karl Howerton

So there are serious health consequences after all.


Alejandro Lakey

In that case, I'll take the fatal version.


Chuck McIntosh

Mega Millions Jackpot Hits $1 Billion

The Mega Millions jackpot has skyrocketed to $1.02 billion after no ticket matched all six winning numbers in Tuesday night's drawing, making it the third largest lottery jackpot in history. What do you think?

There must be something wrong with the money if it's gone this long without any takers.


Brandon Han

Mega Millions Jackpot Hits $1 Billion

Buying a lottery ticket is a stupid, futile waste of money. You gotta buy at least two to have a chance.


Lina Brinkley

Mega Millions Jackpot Hits $1 Billion

It's tempting but you can't beat good, old-fashioned inheriting generational wealth.


Ana Burch

Chick-fil-A Faces Backlash After Asking For 'Volunteers' To Work For Food, Not Money

A Chick-fil-A restaurant in Hendersonville, NC is facing backlash after posting an offer on Facebook for volunteers to work the drive-thru in exchange for free food instead of pay. What do you think?

I've always preferred the labor law violations at Popeye's.


Newt Alvarez

I'd do it for only three entrées, but I guess I'm just a hard worker.


Rafael Biswal

I think it's generous of an employer to compensate workers at all.


Ray Petras

Skittles Lawsuit Claims Candy 'Unfit For Human Consumption'

A California man has sued Mars, the company that makes Skittles, claiming the use of titanium dioxide in the candy makes it unfit for human consumption, the additive being linked to genotoxicity which can potentially cause cancer. What do you think?

It's going to be a wild ride trying to pin down what gave me cancer.


Colin Minos

That's why I only feed my kids pure sugar.


Ginger Stoeber

The tropical ones are okay though, right?


Shelby Fitch

Michigan Supreme Court Bans LGBTQ+ Discrimination

The Michigan Supreme Court has expanded civil rights to LGBTQ+ residents in a landmark decision, ruling that the definition of sex in a decades-old Michigan discrimination law includes sexual orientation. What do you think?

What else would you expect from a bunch of liberal coastal elites?


Gennaro Hamblin

And here I've been affording civil rights to everyone like it was the law this whole time.


Matt Storsveen

I'm glad I'll only be facing passive, thinly disguised discrimination from now on.


Howard Fabrega

Shipwreck That May Have Inspired 'The Goonies' Discovered Off Oregon Coast

Volunteer archaeologists spelunking along the Oregon coast found wood from a shipwreck that researchers think belonged to a Spanish galleon that capsized in the 17th century and may have also served as inspiration for the 1985 film The Goonies. What do you think?

I remember watching when I was 10 and wondering what the historical antecedent was.


Ginny Stone

If I was trying to get people to give me money for some wood I found in the ocean, that's exactly what I'd say, too.


Sahil Pellegrino

If I haven't seen the movie, will I still understand the shipwreck?


Vaughn Kistler

House Passes Bill Banning Ownership Of Tigers, Lions

The House has passed a bill that would prohibit keeping tigers, lions, and other big cat species as pets, and ban direct public contact like cub petting. What do you think?

I feel so much safer in schools and grocery stores and movie theaters and churches now.


Kim Gomez

Tough weekend to own a sports team in Detroit.


Brian Varnell

Well, now what am I supposed to do with this thousand pounds of zebra meat?


Tameka O’Brien

Trump Accused Of Burying Ex-Wife Ivana At Golf Club For Tax Breaks

Donald Trump's ex-wife, Ivana Trump, has been laid to rest near the first hole of Trump National Golf Club, with tax experts saying that, if designated a cemetery, the property will be exempt from property taxes under New Jersey law. What do you think?

I think she would have wanted her final resting place to be a loophole.


Wilson Lee

That's sickening. No one deserves to be buried in New Jersey.


Josh Donovan

Oh come on, I'm sure he's just doing this out of disrespect to her corpse.


Jorge Slivka

Passenger Fined $1,874 After 2 Undeclared McMuffins Found In Luggage

A passenger traveling from Bali, Indonesia to Australia was fined $1,874 after failing to declare two egg-and-beef sausage McMuffins and a ham croissant, which are classified as potential high-biosecurity risk items. What do you think?

Some mules actually swallow those things before getting on the plane.


Anita Vinalay

It may seem punitive, but keep in mind what could happen to the local ecosystem if they were to breed.


Chad Ellender

It was either that or go to one of Australia's thousand McDonald's locations.


Elizabeth Bergeson

Nancy Pelosi Arrives In Taiwan Despite China's Warnings

U.S. House Speaker Nancy Pelosi arrived in Taiwan late Tuesday, becoming the highest-ranking American official in 25 years to visit the self-ruled island claimed by China, which quickly announced that it would conduct military maneuvers in retaliation for her presence. What do you think?

Eh. After a while, you get used to having her around.


Austin Redshaw

This might be the most successful Nancy Pelosi has ever been in getting people to mobilize.


Destiny Yeager

Kansas Votes To Protect Abortion Rights In State Constitution

Kansas voters have rejected an amendment that would have gotten rid of abortion protections in the state's constitution, in the first abortion-related election since Roe v. Wade was overturned. What do you think?

Sure, in some liberal feminist hellhole like Kansas.


Malcolm Dutra

But the Supreme Court worked so hard to take those rights away!


Demarcus Rubin

Good, Kansans shouldn't have to travel all the way to Oz for an abortion.


Nilena Rosado

Airbnb Removes 'Slave Quarters' Listing Marketed As Luxury Getaway

Airbnb has apologized and taken down listings of properties that once housed enslaved people in the U.S., days after a TikTok user lambasted an 1830's slave cabin rental in Mississippi that was advertised on the platform as a bed-and-breakfast accommodation. What do you think?

I believe that's how they advertised it to the slaves as well.


Dustin Darshan

Airbnb should let you toggle off slave quarters in search settings.


Luke Galuppo

This is a stain on Airbnb's staunch record of racial discrimination.


Kara Sewell

Lollapalooza Security Guard Accused Of Faking Shooting Threat To Leave Work Early

Authorities have arrested an 18-year-old security guard who allegedly faked a mass shooting alert in Chicago's Lollapalooza music festival to get out of work. What do you think?

I sense a bright future in law enforcement.


Lenny Wissel

It's illegal to do a mass shooting. It's illegal to fake a mass shooting. Can someone please tell me what is allowed?


Cameron Haynes

Nice to know that in the event of a shooting, security guards would just go home.


Miranda LaPointe

Earth Spinning Faster Than Usual, Has Shortest Day Ever

Scientists have reported that the Earth is spinning faster, recently recording its shortest day ever on June 29, 2022, at 1.59 millisecond less than the average day, with researchers suggesting that it could eventually lead to the introduction of the first-ever negative leap second. What do you think?

You know, now that I think about it, that day did feel somewhat more tolerable.


Seth Fraley

There sure have been a lot of omens lately.


Greg Atallo

Big deal, I've been spiraling faster than ever too.


Paula Comeskey

Study Suggests Eating Jarlsberg Cheese Daily May Help Stave Off Osteoporosis

A new study has found that Jarlsberg, a mild Swiss-type cheese made from cow's milk that's rich in vitamin K2, may help to prevent bone thinning and stave off osteoporosis. What do you think?

Are there other health benefits to eating?


Jake Briggs

I wish there were another way to get vitamins.


Doreen Lovaglio

Georgia Allowing 'Unborn Children' To Be Claimed As Dependents On State Taxes

Georgia has announced that residents can now claim an unborn child as a dependent on state taxes, saying any residents filing their 2022 tax returns who had fetuses with detectable heartbeats at six weeks of pregnancy can claim an exemption of $3,000. What do you think?

Looks like I'll be all set with childcare costs for the first 10 hours of my kid's life.


Bryce Goldman

This puts Georgians with ectopic pregnancies in the difficult position of choosing between not dying or getting $3,000.


Ken Baicker

Fine, as long as families give the money back if they miscarry.


Milley Cranswick

U.S. Developing Tactical Bra For Female Soldiers

The U.S. army is developing an Army Tactical Brassiere for female soldiers, with designers considering flame-retardant fabrics and protective materials, while also taking into account the importance of accurate sizing. What do you think?

If they crack accurate sizing, I'd love to hear about it!


Omer Hodkin

Women deserve to feel comfortable and supported while destabilizing foreign governments.


Edward Kvas

I've made a few dozen sketches of what that could look like, if that will help.


Richard Benfield

Kim Kardashian, Pete Davidson Break Up

Kim Kardashian and comedian Pete Davidson ended their nine-month relationship, reportedly breaking up due to distance and schedules. What do you think?

At least that's the last we'll ever hear from them.


Maddie Taber

Kim Kardashian, Pete Davidson Break Up

If two people who don't love each other can't make it work then there is no hope for me.


Ahmed Drolet

Kim Kardashian, Pete Davidson Break Up

I get it. My marriage was also on the brink until I bought a day planner.


Randy Greenwood

Facebook Gave Private Messages To Police In Teen's Abortion Case

A 17-year-old from Nebraska and her mother are facing criminal charges for performing an illegal abortion after police obtained from Facebook the pair's private chat history, in which the mother says she bought her daughter abortion pills. What do you think?

Are you suggesting Facebook is providing sensitive user data to a third party?


Paola Hilo

It's cool, I do all my illegal stuff on Snapchat.


Ross Boykins

I've long accepted that every time I log into Facebook I'm asking to get arrested.


Mike Meserko

Scientist Admits 'Space Telescope Image' Actually Slice Of Chorizo

A prominent French scientist has apologized after tweeting a photo of a slice of chorizo that he claimed was a deep-space image of a distant star snapped by the James Webb Telescope. What do you think?

Obviously. A star could never look that beautiful.


Jocelyn Ozias

Makes you question if other pictures on the internet are fake, too.


Aaron Radia

Trump Invokes 5th Amendment In N.Y. Civil Probe Of His Business Dealings

Former President Trump invoked his Fifth Amendment right against self-incrimination during a deposition in the New York Attorney General's probe into the Trump Organization's business practices, a move he once claimed was a sign of guilt. What do you think?


Emily

Damn, I thought I was the only person that knew you could do that.


Keith Elgin

What more evidence do you need that he has nothing to hide?


Augusto Cortave

Massive Sinkhole Opens Up In Chile

Chilean authorities are investigating after a massive 105-foot-wide, 656-foot-deep sinkhole suddenly appeared in the north of the country last week. What do you think?


Amanda Lero

Massive Sinkhole Opens Up In Chile

I have to admit that the CIA has gotten craftier.


Zeke Wharmby

Massive Sinkhole Opens Up In Chile

Why can't stuff like this ever happen in the spot where I'm standing?


Lucy Murnane

New Study Finds Women Can Have 3 Types Of Orgasms

A new study has found that women can have three types of orgasms, test subjects using a bluetooth-connected vibrator to record the pelvic floor contraction patterns: an avalanche, a volcano, or a wave, with the wave motion being the most common. What do you think?


Ravi Orgel

And here I thought I'd been disappointing my partner in only one way.


Griffin Ancrum

It's good to know that there are a vast variety of pleasures just out of reach.


Jim McCombs

Armed Man Tries To Breach FBI Office In Cincinnati

An armed man suspected of trying to breach the FBI's Cincinnati field office was killed after an hours-long standoff with law enforcement, the attack coming just days after agents from the bureau served a search warrant at the home of former president Trump. What do you think?

Not so nice when the shoe's on the other foot, is it FBI?


Mason Trebach

What are my taxes even paying for if this guy wasn't quietly neutralized weeks ago?


Patty Semlyen

Americans aren't going to take lawful execution of a warrant lying down.


Jon Markey

FBI Search Warrant Shows Trump Suspected Of Violating Espionage Act

Newly unsealed search warrants related to the FBI's raid at Mar-a-Lago show the former president is being investigated by the Department of Justice for potential violations of the Espionage Act related to the 11 sets of classified records recovered at his estate. What do you think?

Since when does the FBI need just cause to raid somebody's home?


Lisa Dantz

Let this be a lesson to anyone hiding classified government records in their private resort.


Oscar Bassett

It was probably safer there. They don't just let anyone into the Mar-a-Lago club.


Sean Margolis

Study Finds Spiders Sleep In Way Similar To Humans

Researchers have published a new study in which they observed that at night baby jumping spiders showed patterns such as legs twitchings and eyes flickering that looked very similar to REM sleep, an active phase of sleep experienced by humans. What do you think?

I don't know what it means to be human anymore.


Regina Ewing

I knew having eight legs wasn't the only thing humans and spiders had in common.


Don Melber

So they have nightmares where they're covered in humans?


Tina Criel

Study: Risk Of Catastrophic Megafloods In California Have Doubled

Scientists have concluded that a climate change has doubled the likelihood over the next four decades of California experiencing a megaflood, in which a series of storms could dump several feet of rain over weeks, submerging cities and displacing millions of people. What do you think?


Lawrence Frizzel

I'm glad there's finally a plan to address the megadrought.


Julian Donald

That is very troubling news for anyone who believes in climate change.


Fred Kobylarz

Florida Police Order Beachgoers To Stop Interrupting Manatees Having Sex

Police in Florida are asking people to stop interrupting manatees while they're mating after beachgoers were seen trying to touch the mammals while they engaged in a group mating session known as a manatee ball. What do you think?


Anne Marie Dixon

It doesn't work to tell a Floridian not to do something.


Jasmine Fray

Academy Apologizes To Sacheen Littlefeather For 1973 Oscars Incident

The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences apologized to Sacheen Littlefeather over her mistreatment after refusing Marlon Brando's 1973 Oscar win on his behalf. What do you think?

And, with that, we have at last made Native Americans whole.


Dominic Parker

Thankfully this was an isolated incident and doesn't reflect a larger pattern of discrimination at the Academy.


Pierre Bouldin

I've never heard of her, which I'm sure is not connected to anything that was intentionally done to her career.


Carly Whallin

Nearly Half Of All Teens Say They Use Internet 'Almost Constantly,' Survey Finds

According to a new Pew research poll, just under half of American teenagers describe themselves as almost constantly online, a huge jump from 24% in 2015, with YouTube and TikTok being the platforms that are the most used. What do you think?


Dan Kraminitz

I trust my kid to monitor their own internet addiction.


Jarel Gilroy

Biden Signs Inflation Reduction Act Into Law

President Biden has signed into law the Inflation Reduction Act, a sweeping $750 billion health care, tax, and climate bill, that is seen as a big win for the Democrats ahead of midterms. What do you think?

Now there's the president I reluctantly voted for.


Noah English

I had no idea we were still doing bills.


Warren Hynes

Man Rescued From Tunnel In Rome After Alleged Attempted Bank Heist

A suspected bank robber was rescued in Rome after the roof of a tunnel he had been digging to allegedly break into a bank collapsed, burying him under six meters of dirt. What do you think?

He's going to be really mad when he finds out the bank has a front door.


Esmée Leeds

With his skills, he should have no problem breaking halfway out of jail.


Ari Cooper

Liz Cheney Loses Primary To Trump-Backed Opponent

Liz Cheney, a fierce critic of Donald Trump, has been defeated in her bid for reelection by a rival backed by the former president, strengthening Trump's grip on the Republican party. What do you think?

I'll always remember her as the Republican who sacrificed her career for nothing.


Jade Restani

It's nice to know that having a famous Dad can only get you so far.


Philip White

At least she goes out knowing she stood for Trump's agenda 93% of the time.


Leo Obeso

Florida Court Rules Teen 'Not Mature Enough' To Have Abortion

A Florida court has ruled that a 16-year-old who initially petitioned to terminate her pregnancy, citing being a student and unemployed as reasons she is unprepared to have a baby, is not mature enough to make the decision to have an abortion. What do you think?

She'll have plenty of opportunities to mature very quickly once she's a mother.


Abe Flores

Whatever Florida politician knocked her up must be so pissed.


Isabel Eischeild

She can get the abortion once she turns 18 if she still wants it.


Laura Riva

Study Finds Even 'Limited' Nuclear War Would Kill Billions

According to a new international study, a relatively small nuclear conflict involving less than 3% of the world's stockpiles could kill a third of the world's population within two years, with hundreds of millions of starvation deaths following immediate fatalities. What do you think?

Killing a ton of people and still having nukes left over seems like a win-win.


Franklin Banse

We can't let fear stop us from trying new things.


Mark Wymore

The more I learn about nuclear war, the less I like it.


Elaine Rosenbaum

Massachusetts Student Receives Violation For Wearing Hijab

A Massachusetts charter school wrote up an 8th grade student for a uniform infraction for wearing a hijab, with the school saying it understands its handling of the situation came across as insensitive. What do you think?

Well, her choice to wear it came across as insensitive to Islamophobic people.


Ray Branigan

Schools should be more considerate with how they discriminate against students based on religion.


Luke Morales

I would understand if it were a Yankees hijab.


Perry Techler

Fauci To Step Down In December

Dr. Anthony Fauci, the nation's top infectious disease expert who became a household name during the coronavirus pandemic, announced he will leave the federal government in December, capping off more than five decades of public service. What do you think?

I guess some people just can't handle thousands and thousands of death threats.


Siobhan Crawford

Fauci To Step Down In December

He inspired a generation of doctors to never, ever take a public-facing role.


Raul Lydon

Fauci To Step Down In December

No! He was my all-time favorite immunologist!


Abdul Hafez

Dennis Rodman Plans Trip To Russia To Seek Brittney Griner's Release

Former basketball player Dennis Rodman said he's planning a visit to Russia to help secure the release of WNBA star Brittney Griner, who has been detained in the country since February. What do you think?

Guess we should figure out how we're gonna get him back, too.


Vivek Ghosh

Three more players and Putin will have his starting five.


Penny Graber

Hopefully he can beat Putin in a free throw contest to secure her release.


Hank Zuege

Scientists Plan To Resurrect Extinct Tasmanian Tiger

Researchers will attempt to resurrect the Tasmanian tiger, officially known as a thylacine, which used to roam the Australian bush, with the ambitious project harnessing advances in genetics, ancient DNA retrieval and artificial reproduction. What do you think?

If there's one thing that's guaranteed to never have unexpected negative consequences, it's bringing things back from the dead.


Lou Ann Clapp

Well, I guess we know which species will be the first to go extinct twice.


Belinda Santo

Michigan Jury Convicts 2 Men Of Conspiring To Kidnap Gretchen Whitmer

A federal jury has found two men guilty of conspiring to kidnap Michigan Governor Gretchen Whitmer in 2020, with the men now facing a maximum sentence of life in prison. What do you think?

This is why I make it a habit to shut my friends down when they start talking about their kidnapping schemes.


Keith Cavell

So we can't even abduct the officials our taxes pay for?


Jameson Ullrich

It's pretty unfair to be punished for something you didn't even get to do.


Dean Nardell

Russia Offering Hero's Medal And $16,000 To Women Who Have 10 Kids

The Russian government has announced it is reviving the Soviet-era honorary title Mother Heroine for women who have 10 or more children, as it confronts a population decline that has worsened since its invasion of Ukraine. What do you think?

Honestly, the best pro-life argument I've heard so far.


Corinne Bosley

To be honest, I'd do it just for the arbitrary medal.


Elina Walker

Biden Canceling $10,000 In Student Loan Debt For Borrowers Making Less Than $125,000

President Biden announced he is forgiving up to $10,000 in federal student loan debt for millions of Americans earning less than $125,000 a year. What do you think?

Good luck finding millions of Americans who earn less than $125,000 a year.


Hughie Dakour

All right! My debt just went from crushing to suffocating!


Kiram Talbott

I'm just wary of anything that makes people suffer less.


Ralph Payton

California To Ban Sale Of New Gasoline Cars By 2035

California is poised to set a 2035 deadline for all new cars, trucks and SUVs sold in the state to be powered by electricity or hydrogen, a policy expected to quicken the global transition to electric vehicles. What do you think?

Oh, yeah. I hear electricity is huge right now.


Lily Nieman

I'm confident we can still figure out a way to destroy the planet with electric cars.


Troy Baumann

This is plenty of time for oil and gas companies to figure out who they need to kill to stop this.


Curtis Nadesan

Japan's Tax Agency Encouraging Young Population To Drink More Alcohol

The Japanese tax agency announced a national business contest for young people to come up with promotional ideas encouraging their demographic to drink more alcohol in an effort to help boost the economy as it attempts to bounce back from the Covid pandemic. What do you think?

It's sad we live in a world where young people have to be convinced to drink.


Karen Hearn

Alcoholics are the backbone of every strong economy.


Don Natochenny

Have they tried opening up more state colleges?


Marcus Tripp

Drought Reveals 113 Million-Year-Old Dinosaur Tracks In Texas

Dinosaur tracks from around 113 million years ago have been revealed in Texas due to severe drought conditions that dried up a river, the footprints belonging to an Acrocanthosaurus—a theropod that stood 15 feet and weighed 7 tons. What do you think?

I can't believe it got through Border Control.


Sebastian Litchfield

Makes you wonder what else water is trying to hide.


Chrissie Ruzin

Interesting, but you know Texas was still technically part of Mexico at that time.


Floyd Torsky

Long Covid Keeping 2 To 4 million Americans Out Of Workforce, Report Says

According to a new report from the Brookings Institute, about 16 million working-age Americans have long-term Covid, and 2 to 4 million are out of work because of its ill effects that include brain fog, anxiety, depression, fatigue, and breathing problems. What do you think?

Well, we already forgot about the million who died, so this should be easy.


Hussain Fusco

Sissies. I've had covid for two weeks and haven't missed a single day in the office.


Dara Razo

I'm sick of these people trying to keep the pandemic going after everyone else has gotten tired of it.


Tracy Mattson

New Poll Reveals Smoking Marijuana More Popular Than Tobacco

A new poll found that, for the first time, marijuana use is more popular than tobacco with more Americans saying they smoke marijuana than those who reported smoking cigarettes in the last week. What do you think?

We need you now more than ever, Joe Camel.


Stefan Gonzalez

Listen, as long as the vape hits right, I don't care what's in it.


Willard Santos

Study: Psilocybin Mushrooms May Help Heavy Drinkers Quit

A double-blind randomized clinical trial has found that people with alcohol dependence who took psilocybin, a psychedelic compound in magic mushrooms, drank significantly less than those taking a placebo, with almost half stopping drinking alcohol altogether. What do you think?

Then all you need is some alcohol to get off the mushrooms.


Xander Dunham

And to think I almost attended an AA meeting.


Meena Brunetti

Psychoactive substances should stick together, not compete.


Dion Castaneda

New York Stores Now Banning Sale Of Whipped Cream Canisters To People Under 21

A New York state law has gone into effect banning the sale of whipped cream canisters to people under 21 to prevent teens from using the product to get high by inhaling the nitrous oxide found inside the canisters, also known as whippits, whippets, or whip-its. What do you think?


Jules Figueroa

We need a blanket ban on sundae toppings just to be safe.


Vera Oglesby

This will only push them to harder dairy.


Amaan Hawkins

Missouri School District Reinstates Paddling To Punish Students

A school district in southwestern Missouri is bringing back paddling to discipline students as an alternative to suspensions for those whose parents give permission, despite warnings from many public health experts that the practice is detrimental to students. What do you think?

Is there no way to psychologically brutalize them?


Arthur DeVincentis

This will prepare them for getting spanked in the real world.


Nan Silveira

Sorry, but nobody beats my kid's ass but me.


Kye Long

Mikhail Gorbachev, Soviet Leader Who Took Down Iron Curtain, Dead At 91

Mikhail Gorbachev, who as the last leader of the Soviet Union played a central role in ending the Cold War but failed to prevent the collapse of the USSR, has died. What do you think?

Weird when you find out someone you know from an ad actually did other things.


Natalie Reardon

And they said I was foolish to buy all that Gorbachev merch last year.


Marilyn Behar

Nebraska Man Shatters Record For Longest Trip In Pumpkin Boat

A 60-year-old Nebraska man set a new world record after paddling 38 miles down a river in a 846-pound hollowed-out pumpkin he grew himself. What do you think?


Grover Dahlberg

That's one way to get around soaring gas prices.


Leroy Richardson

I pray this type of technology never falls into the wrong hands.


Anisha Paredes

Poll Finds 43% Of Americans Expect Civil War Within Next 10 Years

A new poll of 1,500 American citizens found that 43% of them think it's likely a civil war will break out over the next decade, with Republicans more likely to believe it will take place soon. What do you think?


Owen St. Clair

Okay, but remember we've already committed to hosting the Olympics in 2028.


Karl Culbertson

Thank god, doing reenactments of the first Civil War was getting a little repetitive.


Wesley Briseno

Mary Peltola Defeats Sarah Palin To Become First Alaska Native Elected To Congress

Democrat Mary Peltola has won the special election for Alaska's only U.S. House seat on Wednesday, beating former Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin to become Alaska's first indigenous member of Congress and flipping a seat held by a Republican for half a century. What do you think?

Oh great, now I suppose indigenous people are going to want to make strides everywhere.


Connor Echols

Woah, slow down. It's supposed to be indigenous man, then five more white men, then indigenous woman.


Louise Mendenhall

Sarah Palin always struck me more as a former House representative.


Yusuf Irizarry

$1.34 Billion Lottery Prize Still Unclaimed

The winner of the second largest lottery prize in Megamillions history has not yet come forward almost a month after the winning numbers were announced, officials saying the prize money will be returned to the contributing states if the winner fails to claim the money after a year. What do you think?

They must have some other life-changing thing they have to take care of first.


Lorenzo Perry

Perhaps the prizewinner had the personal decency to realize that $1.34 billion is a terrifyingly huge amount of money that no individual human should possess.


Faith Gaskins

I get it. It's about the fun of the game, not the money.


Diya Isaacs

New Yorkers With Marijuana Convictions First To Be Given Dispensary Licenses

New York will be the first state to offer its initial dispensary licenses solely to entrepreneurs with marijuana convictions, in a move aimed at offering an advantage to people, disproportionately in Black and brown communities, harmed by the war on drugs. What do you think?

Now I'm mad the jury took one look at my white face and sent me home.


Ruben Jacobs

The five years I spent in prison for one joint were all part of my business plan.


Irene Mecher

So I guess people convicted for public urination will have to fend for themselves yet again.