Joshua Boggs

Feud Develops Between Sly Stallone, Bruce Willis

After Bruce Willis reportedly refused to appear in the movie The Expendables 3 for less than $1 million per day for four days of filming, the film's star Sylvester Stallone blasted Willis on Twitter as greedy and lazy and said he would suffer career failure. What do you think?

This could get interesting. But I doubt it.


Adele Yelchin

Now I'm gonna have the Expendables theme song stuck in my head all day.


Derek Plauche

No Bruce Willis? You mean it'll just be Stallone, Eric Roberts, Harrison Ford, Dolph Lundgren, Jet Li, Mickey Rourke, Gary Daniels, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Randy Couture, Jason Statham, Terry Crews, and Steve Austin? Fuck that!


Rebecca Bristol

Scientists Create Microscopic 'Mona Lisa'

Using nanoscale chemistry, scientists in Georgia have created the world's smallest version of the Mona Lisa, with the researchers' so-called Mini Lisa measuring just 30 microns wide, or less than a third of the width of a human hair. What do you think?


Charles Vausbinder

Those guys need to quit messing around and get back to whatever other tiny work they were doing.


Debbie Glasgow

Obama Taking 8-Day Martha's Vineyard Vacation

The Obama family will leave Saturday for an 8-day vacation on the quiet, affluent island of Martha's Vineyard, where they have visited three of the past four summers, and are expected to spend the week golfing, shopping, and relaxing. What do you think?


Alex Layne

We should all chip in a little more next tax season and send them someplace new.


Jason Keating

This seems like as good a time as any for a coup.


Starla Hurley

Smarter Women Less Likely To Have Kids

According to new research, women who are more intelligent are less likely to want children, with researchers finding that a woman's urge to have a baby diminished by 25 percent for every 15-point increase in her IQ. What do you think?

As a strong, intelligent woman, I plan on getting pregnant tonight just to prove this offensive study wrong.


Randy Fields

Smarter Women Less Likely To Have Kids

Eh, who needs their genetic advantage anyway?


Seth Faustino

Smarter Women Less Likely To Have Kids

I've never thought of my mother as a dimwit until now.


Rosemary Gee

Holder Seeks More Lenient Sentences For Drug Users

Attorney General Eric Holder outlined a proposal today to give judges more discretion in drug cases by eliminating mandatory minimum sentences for low-level, nonviolent drug offenders, which have been in place since the 1980s. What do you think?

Holder's just begging to be drug tested.


Wayne Sakai

Sounds like someone is angling for a Teen Choice Award.


Doug Wallace

Billionaire Calls For High-Speed Tube Transit

California billionaire Elon Musk unveiled his plan for a futuristic transportation system, the Hyperloop, which would send passengers at 800 miles per hour through above-ground steel tubes and cut travel time between Los Angeles and San Francisco to 30 minutes. What do you think?

Wow. So you could live in L.A., work in San Fran, and disintegrate somewhere outside Bakersfield.


Sylvia Groeschel

I'll always remember today as the last time I heard about this incredible project.


Zade Mingalone

What am I supposed to do for 30 minutes?


Harold Marrow

Millennials Choosing Not To Own Cars

In spite of carmakers' efforts to lure younger buyers by advertising in video games and conducting social media campaigns, data show that 18- to 34-year-olds are buying cars at a much lower rate than previous generations. What do you think?

Once you experience the thrill of renting a car, nothing else compares.


Lee McDuffee

Millennials Choosing Not To Own Cars

They're probably just waiting to see which car the Lumineers endorse.


Kimberly Hazard

Millennials Choosing Not To Own Cars

But how else will these feisty youngsters have their hot rod races?


Ben Pownall

First Lady To Release Rap Album About Healthy Living

First Lady Michelle Obama will release a hip-hop album aimed at youths, which includes 19 tracks about eating vegetables and staying active, and which features appearances by DMC, Ashanti, New York Knicks player Iman Schumpert, and Dr. Oz. What do you think?

Why does hip-hop always have to glorify lifestyles I'm not comfortable with?


Kaye Roylance

Oh, great, my son was looking for a new hip-hop album for his birthday.


Cheryl Fallick

Judge Rules Against NYC's Stop-And-Frisk Policy

Saying that the tactic was unconstitutional and unfairly targeted minorities, a judge ordered the New York Police Department to restrict its stop-and-frisk policy, a program that allowed officers to search anyone regardless of whether they thought a crime had been committed. What do you think?

I'm so sick of these federal judges and their faithful interpretation of the Constitution.


Norval Agalsoff

This wouldn't be an issue if everyone would just walk around with their pockets flipped inside out like I suggested at that town hall meeting.


James Finkelman

Hacker Hijacks Family's Baby Monitor, Shouts At Child

An unknown individual reportedly hacked into a Houston family's wireless baby monitor, pivoting the camera around the 2-year-old's room and using the monitor's communication system to shout expletives at both the child and her parents. What do you think?


Harold Gore

Please provide more details about how, exactly, to do this.


Kristi Mondell

Mouse Study Suggests Soda Consumption May Be Fatal

A new study found that female mice that consistently consumed 25 percent of their calories in the form of added sugar, which is the equivalent of a human drinking three cans of soda per day, died at twice the rate of mice that were not on the high-sugar diet. What do you think?


Bron Pedigo

That's a roundabout way to kill mice, but it sounds more humane than those sticky traps.


Tom Leetch

That's why I always run my soda through a Brita filter two or three times first. It tastes awful, but at least it's healthier, I think.


F. William Beall

Government Finally Admits Existence Of Area 51

In declassified CIA documents, the government officially acknowledged for the first time ever the existence of Area 51, saying that the top-secret location in the Nevada desert was created as a testing site for the U-2 spy plane in the 1950s. What do you think?

Why would they admit that?! Maybe there's something they're covering up!


Danielle Szita

I'm certain [redacted] had a good [redacted] for releasing the [redacted] at this time.


Troy Daniels

Male Millennials More Likely To Live With Parents

According to a new study, 36 percent of Americans between the ages of 18 and 31 lived with their parents in 2012, with 4 in 10 male millennials still living at home as compared to 32 percent of females. What do you think?

What kind of loser gets subjected to rampant unemployment and the skyrocketing cost of living?


Jeff Sheldrick

Yes! I always knew I was in the vanguard of a dawning trend.


Shirley Fox

Of course my 25-year-old son needs to stay at home. Who is going to massage my calves and cut the stray threads off my area rugs?


Holly Thigpen

Lee Daniels' The Butler' Takes Box Office; 'Jobs' Flops

Lee Daniels' The Butler, a drama that follows the life of a black White House butler who served eight presidents, took in $25 million in its opening weekend, beating out the Steve Jobs biopic Jobs, which earned a disappointing $6.7 million. What do you think?

People will see anything with 'Lee Daniels' in the title.


Ezra Switkes

Well, obviously. Any movie that can tap into our nation's thriving underground butler culture is sure to be a hit.


Justin Camillucci

The Lee Daniels' The Butler app will never get approved now.


Tommy Whiting

Bear Attacks Rise Sharply Across U.S.

During the past week, at least seven people in five states have been attacked by bears, including grizzly bears, brown bears, and the historically more docile black bear. What do you think?

If a bear tries to swipe your pic-a-nic basket, just let him have it.


Patrick Egbert

Bear Attacks Rise Sharply Across U.S.


Carey Self

Bear Attacks Rise Sharply Across U.S.

That's so scary! I'm glad I haven't left my apartment since the internet started.


George Lange

Obamas Get New Dog Named Sunny

Saying that their dog Bo could use more canine interaction, the Obamas welcomed a second dog to their family Monday, a 14-month-old female Portuguese Water Dog named Sunny for her cheery disposition. What do you think?

Obama needs all the unconditional love he can get right now.


Elsie De Banzie

Obamas Get New Dog Named Sunny

If this is all an elaborate setup so they can say 'Sunny, Bo, no!' when the dogs misbehave, then well done, Obamas.


Don Borsos

Obamas Get New Dog Named Sunny

Okay, but where does it stop? Three dogs? Four dogs? I would be fine with up to seven dogs.


Kenji Ito

NSA Scans 75% Of All U.S. Internet Traffic

An investigation by The Wall Street Journal found that the National Security Agency uses algorithms to filter three-quarters of all internet traffic in the U.S. and appears to retain the content of certain emails sent between U.S. citizens within the country. What do you think?

Fine with me. I've got nothing to hide, except a few things from my family.


Raymond Dratfield

Thank God all my illegal activity is offline and spur-of-the-moment.


Buddy Wohl

Study: Cost Of Raising Kid In U.S. Now $240,000

The Department of Agriculture calculated that the cost of raising a child born in 2012 until his or her 18th birthday, including food, shelter, daycare, and other expenses, will total $241,080 for the average middle-class American family. What do you think?

But just ask any parent if it was worth it, and I'm sure they'll tell you 'maybe.'


Albert Whilden

That's why I'm opting for one of those discount kids. You remember them from school: badly dressed, funny smell, no money for lunch.


Jay Hamill

Bradley Manning Wants To Live As Woman

One day after receiving a 35-year sentence for leaking classified information, Army Pfc. Bradley Manning announced that he has always felt he is a woman, that he wants to begin hormone therapy, and that he wants people to refer to him as Chelsea. What do you think?

Dammit. Well, the law is the law. Chelsea Manning is free to go.


Gene Rathner

Bradley Manning Wants To Live As Woman


Toby Lazarowitz

Bradley Manning Wants To Live As Woman


Gerald Weisinger

Scientists Create Hydrating, 'Hangover-Free' Beer

Australian scientists have infused light beer with electrolytes to create a beverage that is three times more effective at hydrating the drinker than regular beer, thereby reducing the likelihood and severity of a hangover the next morning. What do you think?

Sadly, this news comes seven hours too late for me.


Toni Molen

Good. I'm sick of getting hydrated without the buzz.


Frederic Brochu

Pope Benedict Says God Told Him To Resign

Speaking publicly for the first time since he stepped down, 86-year-old pope emeritus Benedict XVI claimed that his surprise resignation in February was due to a months-long mystical experience during which God told [him] to retire. What do you think?


William Savitt

Yeah, God tells me to give up all the time.


Cassandra Doering

Ben Affleck To Play Batman

The president of Warner Bros. announced yesterday that Ben Affleck will play the role of Batman in the 2015 sequel to this summer's Man of Steel, in which Batman will join forces with Superman. What do you think?

I can see him as Batman. But I think everyone could be Batman.


Phillip Blangsted

Ben Affleck To Play Batman

I trust the artistic judgment of the president of Warner Bros.


Murray Guerin

Ben Affleck To Play Batman


Willy Vonn

Men Dressed As Mormon Missionaries Rob Home

Two men dressed as Mormon missionaries rang the doorbell of a Las Vegas house and told the homeowner they wanted to speak with him about Jesus Christ, before pulling out a gun, assaulting the resident, entering his home, and stealing cash and iPads. What do you think?

What's the big deal? It's like you've never been beaten up by missionaries before.


Dustin Filley

As a resident of the Southwest, I can attest that Mormons are very friendly, hard-working, community-minded people. I've been creeped out by them maybe eight, nine times tops.


Estelle Steinkamp

Are you trying to convert me to Mormonism right now? Because it's working.


Les Roizman

N Sync Reunites At VMAs

Boy band 'N Sync briefly reunited last night at the MTV Video Music Awards, singing and dancing to snippets of their hit songs Girlfriend and Bye Bye Bye as part of a longer medley performed by former member Justin Timberlake. What do you think?

I wonder if they had a little huddle right before the performance.


Sylvia Worsley

N Sync Reunites At VMAs

Being hastily assembled by media executives and shoved onto stage must bring back so many memories.


Arthur Larkin

N Sync Reunites At VMAs

I'm glad Lance Bass could make it from space.


Marcel Underwood

Panda Born At D.C.'s National Zoo

After being artificially inseminated earlier this year, the Smithsonian National Zoo's resident female panda Mei Xiang gave birth to a healthy 4.8-ounce cub Friday. What do you think?


Edgar Serbedzija

Panda Born At D.C.'s National Zoo

I can't imagine what it'd be like to be a panda. Lord knows I've tried.


Anne Wisdom

Panda Born At D.C.'s National Zoo


Daryl Blake

NSA Spied On United Nations

According to leaked documents published by a German newspaper, the National Security Agency hacked into the video conferencing system at the United Nations headquarters in New York last summer, allowing it to spy on meetings. What do you think?

This never would have happened in the League of Nations.


Larry Clemenson

NSA Spied On United Nations

I wish I loved what I did as much as the NSA does.


Abbie Genaro

NSA Spied On United Nations


Bart Knaus

50th Anniversary Of 'I Have A Dream' Speech

President Barack Obama, Bill Clinton, and Oprah Winfrey will be among those delivering speeches on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial today in honor of the 50-year anniversary of Martin Luther King Jr.'s historic I Have a Dream speech. What do you think?

If people start being judged by the content of their character, I'm screwed.


Simon St. Pierre

The speech was so incredible, it deserves to be digitally recreated in hundreds of commercials.


Ellen Cheshire

It's amazing how far we've come, time-wise.


Rick Pickett

McDonald's To Add Chicken Wings To Menu

Next month, coinciding with the start of football season, McDonald's will begin a nationwide rollout of its new Mighty Wings, breaded bone-in chicken wings flavored with cayenne and chili pepper, which will be available through November. What do you think?

I'm going to need to see a commercial where a guy saves a party with chicken wings before I commit to anything.


Titus Leake

McDonald's To Add Chicken Wings To Menu

It's about time we had some food to eat while watching football.


Stacy Bassler

McDonald's To Add Chicken Wings To Menu

Wouldn't it be easier if they just dumped chicken bones directly onto our city streets?


Valerie Fottrell

Fast Food Workers On Strike Across U.S.

Saying they want to be paid $15 an hour, thousands of employees of fast food chains walked off the job today in 50 cities across the country in what is believed to be the largest ever strike by fast food workers. What do you think?


Alberto Ruiz

Fast Food Workers On Strike Across U.S.

End this madness. I've already eaten another human.


Cash Dimuro

Fast Food Workers On Strike Across U.S.

That's all right. Yesterday I bought extra fast food and put it in the fridge for today.


Scott Southwell

George Zimmerman Asks Florida To Pay His Legal Costs

Saying that the donations he received from supporters online had dwindled, George Zimmerman, who was acquitted last month in the shooting death of Trayvon Martin, will seek $300,000 from the state of Florida to cover legal costs he incurred in his defense. What do you think?

Admittedly, it was a pretty big inconvenience for him.


Gina Schaum

Shooting another unarmed black kid would probably get that bigot money flowing again.


James Zulo

He needs to suck it up. That's just the cost of doing murder in this country.


Nancy Capra

Scientists Grow Miniature Human Brains

Neuroscientists at an Austrian lab have grown pea-sized human brains that reach the same level of development as a 9-week-old fetus, though they claim the miniature brains, which are kept in nutrient-rich baths, are incapable of thought. What do you think?


Hans Rykes

Scientists Grow Miniature Human Brains

Are they taking volunteers? A nutrient-rich bath sounds really nice.


Kent Winter

Scientists Grow Miniature Human Brains


Hugh D'Aquino

50% Of Americans Oppose Intervention In Syria

According to an NBC poll, 50 percent of Americans oppose the use of military force against Syria in the wake of a purported chemical weapons attack by the government of Bashar al-Assad, compared to 42 percent who support military action. What do you think?

It's true. Half of me wants to intervene but the other half doesn't care.


Zachary Stateman

Men Just As Likely To Be Depressed As Women

Upending previous research, a new study found that an equal percentage of men and women, about 30 percent, would meet the definition for depression at some point in their lives if the criteria for diagnosis were broadened to include symptoms such as aggression, substance abuse, and risk taking. What do you think?

We probably get depressed way stronger than girls though.


Nathan Noel

It's only because it disturbs us so to see our sisters in such dysfunctional emotional despair.


Murphy Lang

64-Year-Old Woman Swims From Cuba To Florida

After four unsuccessful attempts, 64-year-old Diana Nyad this weekend became only the second person to swim from Cuba to Florida and the first to do so without the aid of a shark cage, traversing the 110-mile distance in 53 hours. What do you think?

It just goes to show that if you don't give up, you can swim really far for no discernible reason.


Dylan Kepler

I'm not that impressed because I do a lot without the aid of a shark cage.


Laetitia Ramon

I'd rather just grow out my fingernails indefinitely, thanks.


Andre Crocker

Study: Life On Earth May Have Started On Mars

According to scientist Steven Benner, conditions on Mars 3 billion years ago were more conducive than those on Earth to creating one of the earliest molecules of life, RNA, and that meteorites may have transported these molecules to Earth's surface. What do you think?


Agatha Parnell

I'll read that study only if it's published in a mass-market glossy periodical with a hand-painted depiction of the Red Planet and the title 'Is Mars Eden?' in bold font.


Sven Duncan

My annoying platitude about us all being immigrants is even truer than I knew.


Lloyd McDaniels

NAACP, KKK Hold First-Ever Meeting

The NAACP chapter president in Casper, WY met with a local Ku Klux Klan organizer in the first-ever meeting between the two groups, with the Klansman paying a $30 fee to join the NAACP so he could receive the organization's newsletter and learn more about its views. What do you think?


Regine Blass

NAACP, KKK Hold First-Ever Meeting

I thought they did that years ago on an In Living Color sketch.


Oswald Thomas

NAACP, KKK Hold First-Ever Meeting

The road to understanding usually begins with a newsletter.


Jeremy Yu

Dennis Rodman Returns To North Korea

Six months after he visited on a goodwill tour with the Harlem Globetrotters, former NBA star Dennis Rodman is back in North Korea to just have a good time with his friend Kim Jong-un, the isolated country's 29-year-old leader. What do you think?

Shouldn't we be more focused on Syria? Assad could use a buddy, too.


Hank Jarvis

Dennis Rodman Returns To North Korea

I like their friendship. It reminds me of when a duck and a cat become pals.


Ellen Lyon

Dennis Rodman Returns To North Korea


Ariel Bryant

Samsung Unveils Smartwatch

Samsung debuted its much-anticipated Galaxy Gear smartwatch yesterday, which allows the wearer to make calls or read texts and emails from their wrist and use any of 70 apps, though the device has to be synced with a nearby Galaxy Note tablet to operate. What do you think?

Finally, I can call from my wrist instead of my hand.


Dirk Redd

Samsung Unveils Smartwatch

That's cool. It's like a cell phone, but smaller, wearable, and it needs another cell phone to work.


David Rosenthal

Samsung Unveils Smartwatch

Great, a new place for phantom vibrations on my body.


Anita Flynn

Lava Lamp Turns 50

The lava lamp, which was invented by British accountant Edward Craven-Walker, first went on sale 50 years ago this week under the name Astro Lamp, becoming widely popular throughout the 1960s and 1970s. What do you think?

I'll probably throw my lamp a little party, nothing too major.


Earl Durocher

Lava Lamp Turns 50

Today's lamp-makers have completely lost the desire to entertain.


Patricio Quintal

Lava Lamp Turns 50

I was never part of that cool crowd, so I just called mine a Craven-Walker lamp.


Javier Francisco

George Zimmerman's Wife Files For Divorce

Shellie Zimmerman filed for divorce from her husband of seven years, George Zimmerman, who was recently acquitted in the shooting death of Trayvon Martin, claiming that he is verbally abusive, selfish, and that she's not sure she ever really knew him at all. What do you think?


Brett Machado

Hold on. We shouldn't jump to any conclusions until we hear his side of the story.


Eileen Costello

Batman could never make marriage work either.


Calvin Goode

Lego Introduces First Female Scientist Figure

Lego, which has been accused of marketing their products almost exclusively to boys and playing into gender stereotypes, introduced its first female scientist Minifigure this week, though the ratio of male to female figures in the Lego universe remains roughly 4 to 1. What do you think?

But how will young women deal with the pressure of getting that perfect brick-like body and interconnected head?


Elmer Choi

Do they include the cosmetics laboratory where she works?


Casper Faires

I've got a town full of Lego men who are going to be real happy about that.


Jim Pagels

Study: Yelling At Teens As Harmful As Hitting

According to a new study, yelling, swearing, or directing insults at one's teenage children does not correct their negative behavior and can cause the same psychological problems as hitting them would, including depression and aggression. What do you think?

I've always found the best results come from a 50/50 mix.


Hannah Oley

I can feel the power coursing through my veins.


Saul Mendillo

Iowa Issuing Gun Permits To The Blind

Officials in Iowa have been granting gun permits to visually impaired and fully blind residents, allowing these individuals to purchase firearms and carry them in public. What do you think?

Okay, but they should promise to shoot only at super-scary sounds.


Jan Burmester

Iowa Issuing Gun Permits To The Blind

Blind people are just as capable of tucking a gun in their waistband and lifting their shirt to expose the weapon meaningfully.


Sebastian Alvarez

Iowa Issuing Gun Permits To The Blind

It's a tragedy that they'll never know how cool they look holding a gun.


David Rizik

Syria Says It Will Give Up Chemical Weapons

Accepting a plan put forth by Russia, the Syrian government has reportedly agreed to relinquish its stockpile of chemical weapons in an effort to avoid a military strike by the United States. What do you think?

Hey, I spent a half hour last night reading up on this conflict, so it better not be over now.


Patty Benchley

I'm the same way. It's like, get the chocolate out of the house, otherwise I'll be too tempted to eat it.


Lee Pridemore

Let's strike now, when they least expect it!


Lynnanne Prosky

Scientists Discover World's Largest Volcano

Scientists have discovered a 145-million-year-old inactive volcano about four miles below the surface of the Pacific Ocean that is roughly the size of New Mexico, making it the largest volcano on the planet. What do you think?


Ricardo Brooks

Things that are in the ocean should have an asterisk next to them so we're prepared to be kind of disappointed.


Stuart Hackes

Inactive for now, but for how long? How long?!


Marly Rasch

U.S. 17th Happiest Country In World

According to the 2013 World Happiness Report released earlier this week, the United States is the seventeenth happiest country on the planet, ranking behind our neighbors Canada and Mexico, which came in sixth and sixteenth, respectively. What do you think?


Van Smith

U.S. 17th Happiest Country In World

Canada probably thinks happiness is looking at a tree or something. Mexico is simply lying.


Tony Ugel

U.S. 17th Happiest Country In World

Why would they conduct that study before the iPhone 5S came out?


Winter Dillon

U.S. Income Inequality Widest Since 1928

Last year, the nation's wealthiest 1 percent took in the largest share of U.S. household income since the eve of the Great Depression in 1928, with their incomes rising 20 percent during 2012, compared to a 1 percent annual increase in income for the remaining 99 percent of the population. What do you think?

All right! So we're only a crash, a war, and a dust bowl away from a level playing field!


Douglas Kopecky

Maybe 2014 will be the 99 percent's year.


Charlene Kirk

You mean all these good times could be coming to an end?


Carl Maginnis

First Lady Urges Americans To Drink More Water

Noting that 4 in 10 Americans drink less than half the recommended amount of water per day, Michelle Obama kicked off her new Drink Up initiative, launching the hashtag #DrinkH2O and a new website, youarewhatyoudrink.org, to help spread her message. What do you think?

The trick is to cut it with a little soda.


Polly Fullerton

If there's anybody who could get me to drink more water, it's Michelle Obama. Look at her, she's 60 percent water.


Brad Bruno

If I want to be dehydrated, that's my damn business. I'll check out that website, though—sounds neat.


Grover Platt

HIV Outbreak Shuts Down Porn Industry

Four adult film performers have tested positive for HIV since July, prompting California's pornographic video producers to temporarily cease production, and spurring further calls from AIDS advocates to make condoms mandatory in adult films. What do you think?

I hope they come back soon, because I'm almost completely caught up on porn.


Thomas Bogart

HIV Outbreak Shuts Down Porn Industry

Condoms should absolutely be mandatory. Also ball gags.


Beth Whittier

HIV Outbreak Shuts Down Porn Industry

I just hope those cock-starved coeds are able to find the sustenance they need.


Kris Kellow

Study: Men With Smaller Gonads Are Better Dads

Researchers at Emory University found that men with smaller testicles were more involved fathers and helped to a greater extent with parenting duties than men with large testicles. What do you think?

Maybe I'll tone down the 'great dad' stuff a bit in public. Thanks for the heads-up.


Penny Gallavan

Explains my dad. He only ever talked about himself and his giant testicles.


Albert Mitchell

Hmm. I've only got one testicle, but it's huge.


Robert Gamiello

J.K. Rowling Writing 'Harry Potter' Spinoff Film

Warner Brothers reached a partnership deal with J.K. Rowling to write a series of films based on the Hogwarts textbook Fantastic Beasts And Where To Find Them that appeared in her Harry Potter series of books and films. What do you think?

Oh, no. This is gonna be Baywatch Nights all over again.


Eleanor Lamendola

The franchise will suck without a Weasley in it.


Gerald Barlia

Yes! This is gonna be Baywatch Nights all over again!


Nannette Giroux

Voyager 1 Leaves Solar System

NASA announced that its Voyager 1 space probe, which was launched in 1977, officially left our solar system over a year ago, becoming the first man-made object to enter interstellar space. What do you think?

Man, I bet we look like teeny tiny ants from up there.


Raul Zager

Voyager 1 Leaves Solar System

It's exciting, but I feel bad for the elderly monkey piloting it.


Ed Boyachek

Voyager 1 Leaves Solar System


Shauna Stack

Indian-American Miss America Attacked On Twitter

Nina Davuluri, an Indian-American from New York, was crowned Miss America last night, becoming the pageant's first-ever winner of Asian descent and prompting a flood of racist tweets, including many that erroneously called her a Muslim. What do you think?

This will all get cleared up at her first public address.


Oliver Gatti

The Miss America pageant is not about race. It's about who the prettiest lady is.


Kurt Zwerling

When are Americans going to finally learn how to properly spot Muslims?


Summer Marshall

Grand Theft Auto V' Released

The highly anticipated new installment of the popular Grand Theft Auto series, rumored to be the most expensive video game ever made, went on sale today. What do you think?

It's nice to have a distraction from the hyperviolence of our society.


Stanley Gibbs

Grand Theft Auto V' Released

It'll be worth the wait as soon as I get my hands around a hooker's throat and choke her until she gives me her money.


Donovan Thorpe

Grand Theft Auto V' Released

Don't tell me what happens—I'm still on Grand Theft Auto III.


Bobby Halsey

20% Of High School Seniors Binge Drink

A new study found that one in five high school seniors binge drinks, which is defined as drinking five or more alcoholic beverages in a row, while one in 10 engaged in extreme binge drinking, in which they consumed more than 10 drinks in a row. What do you think?


Angela Dougherty

20% Of High School Seniors Binge Drink

Yeah, but do they throw the empty beer cans insolently to the side?


Ron Wannberg

20% Of High School Seniors Binge Drink


Roberto Esteban

Study: Holy Water Unsafe, Full Of Bacteria

Austrian scientists tested holy water from 39 sources and found that all samples contained high levels of bacteria and would be unsafe to drink, with 86 percent of sources contaminated with bacteria common in fecal matter and many samples containing traces of fertilizer. What do you think?

That's nothing. I once bit into a communion wafer with a razor blade in it.


Adeline Ward

This just means some people will get to heaven faster.


Win Carasik

Starbucks Asks Customers Not To Carry Guns

Reversing the company's previous tolerance toward firearms, Starbucks CEO Howard Schultz said he respectfully requests that all of the coffee chain's patrons leave their guns at home or in their cars and not bring them into any Starbucks location. What do you think?

I'll put down the gun once Maria has learned the meaning of 'no whip.'


Franklyn Atwood

Sounds like some coward CEO's just trying to avoid a mass shooting at his stores.


Allegra Chase

But there's nothing quite like stirring in your cream with the barrel of a .357.


Sandra Dessisso

Food Allergies Cost U.S. $25 Billion A Year

New research shows that food allergies among the nation's children—including allergies to nuts, wheat, dairy, and other foods, which affect 8 percent of all U.S. kids—cost American families an estimated $24.8 billion a year in medical expenses, allergen-free foods, special child care, and lost productivity. What do you think?

Personally, I prefer my son's puffed-up allergic face to his normal one.


Emil Harmon

There's nothing more infuriating than accommodating a child's specific needs.


Ray Heinrichs

A life without peanuts is no life at all.


Gordon Haas

Britney Spears To Have Own Las Vegas Show

Pop star Britney Spears announced that she will begin a two-year residency at the Planet Hollywood Resort & Casino in Las Vegas on December 27, performing the show Britney: Piece of Me 50 times each in 2014 and 2015. What do you think?

I'll probably only be able to make 20 or 30 of the shows.


Sean Wilder

Oh man, my bachelor party's gonna rock now!


Angelo Guzman

Wizard Of Oz' Rereleased In IMAX 3D

A digitally restored IMAX 3D version of the The Wizard Of Oz begins a weeklong run in theaters today as part of Warner Bros. effort to celebrate the film's 75th anniversary and promote their new Collector's Edition Blu-ray and DVD, which will go on sale Oct. 1 for $105. What do you think?

It's about time they fixed that piece of crap.


Red McEldowney

Wizard Of Oz' Rereleased In IMAX 3D

Shoot! I'm already 200 bucks over my Oz budget as it is.


Peg Villarino

Wizard Of Oz' Rereleased In IMAX 3D

Just the way Bert Lahr was meant to be seen.


Hal Wong

Pope: Church Must Stop Focusing On Gays, Abortion

Claiming that the Catholic Church had become obsessed with small-minded rules on social issues, such as contraception, abortion, and homosexuality, Pope Francis said the Church should be more inclusive and focus on spreading messages of compassion instead of condemnation. What do you think?

Okay, but they better find some other outlet for my bigotry.


Jo Pirozzi

So I can't hate gays but I also can't be gay? What's left?


Gunter Grech

Now we can focus our contempt where it belongs: on the gluttons.


Buck Schuler

Study: Life On Earth Has 1.75 Billion Years Left

A new study found that our planet will remain habitable for life forms for at least the next 1.75 billion years, after which the sun's increasing heat will burn off all the liquid water on the planet and render Earth unfit for life to exist. What do you think?


Keith Fleischmann

I bet we can get that down to a clean 1 billion.


Spencer Kane

NASA Offering $18K To Stay In Bed For 70 Days

NASA researchers will pay volunteers $18,000 to stay for 10 weeks in a bed inclined at six degrees, such that subjects' feet are higher than their heads, which simulates cardiovascular conditions seen in space. What do you think?

By my accounting, someone already owes me like eleven grand.


Eve Irwin

Dang. And all this time I've been letting my muscles atrophy for free.


Erwin Stroud

Married People More Likely To Beat Cancer

A recent study found that married people are 20 percent more likely to survive a battle with cancer than their unmarried peers. What do you think?

You can also save a ton of money splitting stuff like the cable bill and rent.


Chrissy Hurley

This just makes my husband's death that much more embarrassing.


Brian Susi

I also keep a couple mistresses just to be extra safe.


Alisa Lauter

Neo-Nazis Trying To Create Whites-Only Town In ND

A white supremacist has purchased multiple properties in the town of Leith, ND and has invited fellow neo-Nazis to move there with the goal of taking control of the local government and creating a whites-only enclave, despite the protests of Leith's 24 current residents. What do you think?

It would be an interesting experiment to see how an all-white government would work.


Richard Bovasso

I hope they have a fun name picked out for their town.


Bob Camp

When will neo-Nazis learn that people of all colors and creeds can live side by side and still discriminate against each other?


Ken Karabatsos

Burger King Debuts Low-Fat 'Satisfries'

Fast food chain Burger King is rolling out a new item that it calls Satisfries, a type of crinkle-cut french fry that allegedly has 40 percent less fat and 30 percent fewer calories than McDonald's french fries. What do you think?


Tina O'Connor

Burger King Debuts Low-Fat 'Satisfries'

Too much science for me. I just like to eat.


Dennis DiBenedetto

Burger King Debuts Low-Fat 'Satisfries'


Toni-Ann Polis

Ted Cruz Gives 21-Hour Speech Against Obamacare

Sen. Ted Cruz (R-TX), with the help of a few other conservative senators, spoke for over 21 hours on the floor of the Senate beginning yesterday afternoon as part of his effort to defund the Affordable Care Act. What do you think?

What a brave, politically grandstanding man.


Lionel Brauss

How dare he cheapen the Senate with such theatrics?


James Bedig

Airlines Made $27 Billion In Fees Last Year

A report found that airlines worldwide made $27 billion last year from fees—including those for checked baggage, early boarding, in-flight snacks, additional legroom, and more—which represents a 20 percent increase from the previous year. What do you think?

I once sat next to Mandy Patinkin on a flight to Chicago. You can't put a price on that.


Valerie Walker

Remember a little thing called 9/11? Give them a break.


Wanda Van Dyke

Just don't pay the fees. They can't legally do anything about it.


Fred Riordan

20% Of Yelp Reviews Fake

Following a recent study that found that 20 percent of all reviews on Yelp are fake, the attorney general of New York announced it had fined 19 businesses for posting fraudulent positive reviews, which had been farmed out to phony reviewers in Bangladesh, the Philippines, and Eastern Europe. What do you think?

You mean that bistro on Lexington isn't 'good for eat food place'?


Nora Roach

20% Of Yelp Reviews Fake

When you read a sensitive, masterful portrait of a patty melt, it doesn't matter if it's true, just that the author made you feel it could be true.


Bill S.

20% Of Yelp Reviews Fake

I love Yelp! Great website, very friendly, would visit again.


Ruby McCann

57% Of High Schoolers Unprepared For College

According to The College Board, only 43 percent of SAT takers in the high school class of 2013 received a 1550 or higher out of 2400 total points, the benchmark the organization uses to determine whether a student is college-ready. What do you think?

I think the most logical solution is to make college easier.


Eric Sylbert

But can they take down a bitter old dean?


Gregory Reitano

I wasn't prepared for college, and look at me now: being asked a question.


Duke McCulley

Google Turns 15

Google's search engine turns 15 years old today, with the tech giant celebrating the milestone at the Menlo Park, CA garage where the company was founded by Larry Page and Sergey Brin. What do you think?

Sorry. I always get a little emotional when a search engine celebrates a milestone.


Ellen Salcedo

Google Turns 15

Thanks to Google for 15 great years and for helping me find out what Natalie Portman named her baby. Turns out it's Aleph.


Arthur Boyle

Google Turns 15

I still think they should've called it Larry and Sergey's Cyber Peruser.


Ed Raspa

15% Of U.S. Adults Don't Go Online

According to the Pew Research Center, 15 percent of adults in the United States do not go online or use email. What do you think?


Ron Pinkham

15% Of U.S. Adults Don't Go Online

You mean all those slurs are coming from only 85 percent of the people?


Leslie Wolfe

15% Of U.S. Adults Don't Go Online

I can't imagine going through life without being the mayor of at least one deli.


Dirk Potvin

Breaking Bad' Ends

The AMC hit Breaking Bad, starring Bryan Cranston as a high school chemistry teacher with cancer who turns to making methamphetamine and Aaron Paul as his young partner in crime, came to a close after five critically acclaimed seasons. What do you think?

I knew it was going to be a great show the second it won its third Emmy.


Shellie Marlowe

Breaking Bad' Ends

This show was an inspiration to any teacher who always wanted to hang out with that cool kid who graduated.


Harvey Hunter

Breaking Bad' Ends

Oh, that's right, I meant to buy meth today.


Hans Kilroy

Government Shutdown Begins

With the House of Representatives unwilling to pass a budget without defunding the Affordable Care Act, and the Senate unwilling to accept such a demand, the United States government entered its first partial shutdown in 17 years at midnight. What do you think?

After this stunt, I suspect incumbency rates will plummet to the high 80s.


Vanessa Coffrin

Government Shutdown Begins

The Holocaust Museum and cafeteria will be closed? It looks like us Washington, D.C. residents will be on our own for dinner.


Curiosity

Government Shutdown Begins


Pamela Fortin

Saudi Cleric: Driving Harms Women's Ovaries

Prominent Saudi cleric Sheikh Saleh Al-Loheidan claimed that medical studies showed how driving automobiles damaged women's ovaries and pelvises and, if performed often enough, could result in their children being born with clinical problems. What do you think?

It is true. I, too, suffer from driver's womb.


Fran Cain

This is progress. He's acknowledging that women are human beings, with pelvises, just like everyone else!


Brenda Garcia

NBC, CNN Cancel Hillary Clinton Movies

Amid backlash from the Republican National Committee as well as a number of people close to the Clintons, CNN stopped production of a Hillary Clinton documentary, while NBC canceled its planned miniseries Hillary, which had already cast Diane Lane in the lead role. What do you think?

I'm going to miss seeing her face on my TV.


Troy Lebeau

NBC, CNN Cancel Hillary Clinton Movies

Good, because I have another project I'd like Diane Lane to consider.


Kevin Murdoch

NBC, CNN Cancel Hillary Clinton Movies

Well, well, looks like a slot just opened up in the ol' DVR queue. What'll be the lucky program to take its place?


Jay Molla

New York Adds 'Texting Zones' To Highways

New York governor Andrew Cuomo announced the introduction of special texting zones along the state's highways, which are designated parking areas and rest stops where motorists can pull over to check and send text messages. What do you think?

The danger of crashing is what makes texting such a turn-on.


Mike Sprissler

But if you've ever been driving and gotten a text asking 'where we watchin game?' you know it can't wait.


Donna Balmer

That's all right. I think I'll just keep using the right lane.


Theodore Penfield

Report: American Jews Becoming Less Religious

According to a new report, the majority of American Jews now believe that being Jewish has more to do with ancestry and culture than religious beliefs, with 20 percent saying they don't identify with any religion. What do you think?


Elise Stevens

Yeah, Rabbi Chaim Yehuda Krinsky has really been phoning it in lately.


Conrad Bancroft

We still get to hoist them up in chairs when they get married, right? Oh, phew, thank goodness.


Nadia Wilkins

Putin Nominated For Nobel Peace Prize

Saying that he stopped western nations from launching an air strike on Syria, a Russian advocacy group known as The International Academy of Spiritual Unity and Cooperation of Peoples of the World has nominated Vladimir Putin for the Nobel Peace Prize. What do you think?

If they gave it to Dag Hammarskjöld, they'll give it to anyone.


Rico Gutierrez

Putin Nominated For Nobel Peace Prize

I'm sure there will be objections from some people. But mostly just from the families of the people he killed.


Aaron Kelly

Putin Nominated For Nobel Peace Prize

It would go pretty nicely with his Super Bowl ring.


Oliver Beers

Group Shows DNA Evidence, HD Video Of Bigfoot

A group of scientists known as the Sasquatch Genome Project unveiled the findings of a five-year, $500,000 study claiming they sequenced Bigfoot's unique DNA and unveiling high-definition videos, photos, and thermal images of what they say are sasquatches in the wild. What do you think?


Helen French

Another costly, pointless study proving something we already knew.


Diego Rogers

Imagine their embarrassment if it turned out to be a plain old yeti this whole time.


Nathaniel Friedlander

Giant Hornets Terrorize Central China

The Chinese province of Shaanxi has been devastated by Asian giant hornets, which are the size of a human thumb and have venom capable of causing kidney failure, with hornet attacks hospitalizing over 200 citizens and injuring nearly 1,500 more this year. What do you think?

I suppose if there's a silver lining to be found in this, it's that it doesn't affect me.


Mona Delmonico

Giant Hornets Terrorize Central China

Leave it to Shaanxi to get themselves infested with a bunch of hornets.


Shane Myrick

Giant Hornets Terrorize Central China

Good. Now when I'm asked about the size of my thumb, I have something to compare it to.


Manuel White

Doctor Creates Feces Pills To Treat Illness

A Canadian doctor has treated 27 patients suffering from Clostridium difficile infections by giving them each between 24 and 30 handmade pills containing stool from one of their healthy relatives, curing each patient of their illness. What do you think?

I don't need the capsule. Just give me the feces.


Dana Masterson

I could see eating 20, maybe 22 feces-filled pills. But 24? Gross.


Lyndell Thirlwell

Did Jerry put you up to this? Because he's been trying to trick me into eating his shit for months.


Gregory Markinson

Reality TV Show To Send Winner To Space

NBC announced that producer Mark Burnett and Virgin Galactic founder Richard Branson will create a new reality TV elimination show called Space Race, with the winner earning a flight on Virgin Galactic's space tourism vehicle SpaceShipTwo. What do you think?

Call me old-fashioned, but I'd rather go to the bottom of the sea.


Bill LaPaglia

Reality TV Show To Send Winner To Space

I love reality shows because they accurately depict the world I live in.


Carmen Kahn

Reality TV Show To Send Winner To Space

Can the winner stay there for good? There's nothing for me down here.


Dori Aaron

Report: Chicken Nuggets Only 50% Meat

Researchers tested chicken nuggets from two fast food restaurants and found that the first was only half chicken muscle, with the rest made up of blood vessels, fat, and nerves, while the second sample was only 40% meat, with the remainder composed of fat, cartilage, and bone fragments. What do you think?

A person makes certain concessions when he bites into a nugget of any kind.


Patrick Cavanaugh

Report: Chicken Nuggets Only 50% Meat


Howard Lamneck

Report: Chicken Nuggets Only 50% Meat

These days it's impossible to know exactly what you're putting in your body. It's very exciting.


Alexis Armus

Tom Hanks Has Diabetes

In an interview on the Late Show Monday, Oscar winner Tom Hanks told David Letterman that he suffers from Type 2 diabetes, saying that he's experienced symptoms of the disease for 20 years. What do you think?


Rich Giancaterino

Tom Hanks Has Diabetes

Now I'll look like a heartless jerk if I don't go see Captain Phillips.


Dennis Solomon

Tom Hanks Has Diabetes


Frank Fenton

China Warns U.S. Not To Default On Debt

Leaders in China, which owns $1.28 trillion in U.S. Treasury bonds, warned that a default by the United States would have global ramifications and urged American lawmakers to work harder to raise the debt ceiling before the country hits its borrowing limit on Oct. 17. What do you think?

So it was just about the money for them all along?


Annette Groom

China Warns U.S. Not To Default On Debt

This probably isn't a great time to ask, but I could sure use a loan from the Chinese.


John DeTitta

China Warns U.S. Not To Default On Debt

I'd love to help out, but I've only got $878 billion.


Hannah Mason

Janet Yellen Nominated As First Female Fed Chief

President Obama nominated Janet Yellen, the current vice chairperson of the Federal Reserve, to replace Ben Bernanke as the head of the nation's central bank, which would make her the first woman to hold the position, provided she passes her Senate confirmation. What do you think?


Richmond Kurland

And perhaps someday all women can be the Fed chief.


Brick Sartor

I look forward to making a villain out of her.


Sven Lamb

Kuwait To Medically 'Detect' Gay Visitors, Expel Them

Kuwaiti officials said that the country will use medical tests that they claim can detect homosexuality when assessing expatriates attempting to enter their borders, with those who test positive for homosexuality being barred from entry. What do you think?


Juliet Bush

Is this one of those 'if your hand is bigger than your face' tricks where they smack your hand into your nose?


Kurt Orsatti

But that's not fair to super-straight guys like me with really gay urine.


James Stirdivant

U.S. Adults Below Average In Math, Literacy, Computers

According to a comparison of 18-to-65-year-olds in 22 advanced democracies, the U.S. placed ahead of only five countries on a test of literacy, and beat out just two countries in a test of math skills, while also placing 15th in a measure of computer skills. What do you think?

But how many different types of barbecue sauce do they have?


Lisanne Ralbovsky

Oh, but what do these tests measure anyway but the ability to correctly answer a series of standardized questions that establish our global intellectual standing?


Wayne Dichter

Wait, 22 countries, we're ahead of five, and there's a 65 in there somewhere, and 18, and 15th…What do we win?


Michael Kozak

Mothers May Pass Depression To Newborns

According to a new study by British researchers, babies born to women who are depressed during their pregnancy are 1.3 times more likely than their peers to suffer depression when they become adults. What do you think?

At least now depressed mothers know for sure that everything is their fault.


Joel Aguilar

Mothers May Pass Depression To Newborns

What the hell are they depressed about? They're having a baby!


Delia Canovas

Mothers May Pass Depression To Newborns


Victor Rathner

McDonald's To Put Books In Happy Meals

McDonald's announced that it would include one of four paperback books in its Happy Meals from Nov. 1 to Nov. 14, with the works featuring McDonald's Funky Farm characters, including a goat, ant, dodo bird, and dinosaur. What do you think?

Just like when my taco order from Chipotle came with the works of Saul Bellow.


Donald Caven

McDonald's To Put Books In Happy Meals

A goat, an ant, a dodo bird, and a dinosaur? That is one funky farm.


Caroline Lepselter

McDonald's To Put Books In Happy Meals

Wow, maybe their food isn't so unhealthy.


Adam Penotti

NYC Restaurant Has Diners Eat In Silence

The Brooklyn restaurant Eat, which serves local farm-to-table fare, has gained popularity with its $40 four-course prix fixe menu nights in which the patrons, waiters, and chefs are not allowed to speak at all. What do you think?

But my wife has all these great stories about how her coworker Cheryl screwed her over!


Steve Timoney

The only reason I even go out to restaurants is for the chance to get to know a new waiter.


Riley Whitfield

Study: Behavioral Problems Linked To Irregular Bedtimes

A study of 3-, 5-, and 7-year-olds in the United Kingdom found that children without regular bedtimes got into fights more often and were more likely to be overly emotional or withdrawn, though the study noted that such effects could be reversed if parents imposed and adhered to a fixed bedtime every night. What do you think?

So I should stop waking my son up in the middle of the night when I get lonely?


Albert McGill

It's best to prepare them for a life of dull, monotonous routine early on.


Linda Smith

But my bedtime stories are best told haphazardly and without notice.


Ted Launer

Madonna Banned From Movie Theater For Texting

Madonna was kicked out of the Alamo Drafthouse movie theater in New York for texting during the film 12 Years A Slave, with the CEO of the theater chain banning her from any of the company's locations until she publicly apologizes for her behavior. What do you think?

Looks like there's a new bad girl on the scene.


Martha Styles

I knew that toned-down Madonna from A League Of Their Own wouldn't last.


Ron Coates

We've had a strict no-Madonna policy since the '80s.


James Osteen

Shutdown Halts Craft Beer Production

The federal agency that approves new brewing companies, beer recipes, and beer labels has been closed amid the government shutdown, halting the opening of new craft breweries throughout the U.S. and delaying the rollout of specialty and seasonal beers. What do you think?


Chris Leggett

Shutdown Halts Craft Beer Production

This might be just the spur I need to go on and on about homebrewing.


Nicole Rebhorn

Shutdown Halts Craft Beer Production

These are the dark times that were foretold in the prophecy.


Elton Schiff

Elderly Woman Unknowingly Lived With 20,000 Bees

Saying she didn't notice any buzzing or see any bees flying around outside, a 98-year-old Florida woman was shocked to discover more than 20,000 bees living in her attic, as well as numerous rats and squirrels that had been attracted by the large amounts of honey. What do you think?


Cybil Schmook

If you think about it, aren't we all unknowingly living with 20,000 bees?


Jeff Wetzel

Oreos As Addictive As Cocaine Among Rats

A recent study from Connecticut College found that more neurons were activated in the pleasure center of lab rats' brains when they ate Oreos than when they were exposed to morphine or cocaine. What do you think?

I've done some things I'm not proud of to hitch a ride on the sweet zebra.


Rachel McLagen

Eating an entire line of Oreos also makes you feel super confident.


Dudley Holland

Just let me get a bite of that Double Stuf and I'll say whatever you want.


Amy Renna

Government Reopens

With the United States just hours from hitting the debt ceiling, the House of Representatives voted to pass a bipartisan spending bill drafted in the Senate, funding the government until Jan. 15 and raising the debt ceiling until Feb. 7. What do you think?

It feels great to be out of that crisis and back to just being on the verge of crisis.


Lucius Riserbato

Government Reopens

At last, the nightmare I barely noticed is over.


Wolf Kupersmith

Government Reopens


Robin Leitner

Moose Dying Off Across North America

Moose populations are falling sharply across Canada and the northern United States, and while scientists do not have a specific explanation as to why, most suspect that climate change is to blame. What do you think?


Gary Wood

Moose Dying Off Across North America

Plenty more animals where that came from.


Francois Sarzotti

Moose Dying Off Across North America

Did you know moose are great swimmers? Sorry, I just read a book.


Wendy Rathaus

Man Uses Air Conditioner To Attack Michael Bay

A man reportedly attacked Michael Bay on the set of Transformers 4 in Hong Kong by swinging an air conditioning unit at Bay's head, though the director was able to avoid serious injury by ducking and then wrestling the appliance away from his assailant. What do you think?

This voodoo doll is more powerful than I ever could have imagined.


Carlton Tracy

He does have one of those faces you just want to swing an air conditioner at.


Bernie Cross

He didn't deserve this. Maybe being struck with a lamp, but not this.


Whit Skrien

Flesh-Eating Drug Krokodil Catches On In U.S.

Several people in the U.S. have been hospitalized following their apparent use of the highly addictive injectable street drug known as krokodil, which is popular in Eastern Europe and which experts say rots users' flesh from the inside out. What do you think?

I don't trust any drug that's misspelled.


Ken Barbanell

Destroying your body with drugs is a marathon, not a sprint.


Andres Elfstrand

Scientist: Yetis Real, Related To Polar Bears

According to a geneticist, DNA collected from two pelts, which Himalayan residents believe to be those of yetis, matched DNA from a species of ancient polar bear, with the scientist positing that yetis exist and are likely a hybrid form of polar bear and brown bear. What do you think?

That's what I've been trying to convince everyone for years: that I once saw a slightly different type of bear than usual.


Alisa Cohagan

Wait until they tell us the Loch Ness monster is also just a polar bear.


Emilio Humber

Listen, I have a lot to say about yetis and I'd love to talk about this, but I need to catch this bus.


Lynnanne Segal

New Book Claims Robert Kennedy Stole JFK's Brain

According to a new book, President John F. Kennedy's brain was placed in a container and stored in the National Archives after his assassination, though it was discovered in 1966 that the brain was missing, with signs pointing to his brother Robert Kennedy as the culprit. What do you think?


Ross Mann

Oh, he probably just wanted to eat the brain and absorb its knowledge.


Seth Roisman

Poll: 63% Of Americans Want Boehner Out Of Office

A poll conducted after the government reopened found that nearly two-thirds of Americans want House Speaker John Boehner (R-OH) ousted from his position, including almost half of Republican respondents. What do you think?

That makes him about the most beloved person in the House.


Armin Thigpen

What happened? Did he have sex with someone?


Terry Hinkley

Fan Has $100K Of Surgery To Look Like Justin Bieber

Los Angeles resident Toby Sheldon, 33, has spent $100,000 on various cosmetic procedures—including hair transplants, eyelid surgery, a chin reduction, and Botox injections—to make himself look like 19-year-old pop sensation Justin Bieber. What do you think?

Good luck reproducing that exotic Canadian look.


Mia Kahn

Well, I hope he likes having young girls constantly fawning over him because that's what he can expect now.


Robert Ferdinand

I did the same thing and have no regrets.


Mo Zajonc

Massive Asteroid Could Hit Earth In 2032

Ukrainian scientists identified a 1,300-foot wide asteroid, large enough to potentially wipe out human civilization, that they projected would strike the planet in 2032, though NASA's calculations place the likelihood of an impact at one in 48,000. What do you think?

I've pretty much done everything I wanted to.


Gail Applegate

Our catastrophically high sea levels will probably soften the blow.


Samuel Consolo

Who cares? By 2032 we'll all be so old it won't even matter.


Morris Rivera

75% Of Breast Milk Bought Online Contaminated

A study found that three quarters of human breast milk samples purchased from the online site Only the Breast, an exchange service for mothers, were contaminated with levels of bacteria that could sicken a child, including salmonella and traces of feces. What do you think?

What about the regular kind you get at bodegas?


Juliana Boyd

It's very important to wash the breasts after preparing other foods on them, or using them to wipe the countertop.


Taylor Klieman

They'd better get things straightened out by Cyber Monday.


Camille Rasner

Microsoft Testing Google Glass Competitor

According to an unnamed source, Microsoft is testing a wearable computer with an eyewear interface similar to Google's highly anticipated Google Glass device. What do you think?


Ron Revilla

That's nice, but I made a promise to myself that I would never put a Microsoft product on my face.


Shawn Beasley

All my stupid glasses do is bestow me with the gift of sight.


Reinhart Brinkmann

Starbucks Opens First Teahouse, Plans 1,000 More

Starbucks opened a teahouse in Manhattan that serves a variety of teas and food items, the first of what it hopes will be 1,000 such stores across the United States. What do you think?


Melinda Newquist

I'm doubtful, but I hope this works out for them. Love those Starbucks guys.


Kenny Knipp

I can't wait to refuse to eat there because it's so corporate.


Derrick Stoll

Kim Jong-Un Receives Honorary Doctorate

A university in Malaysia conferred an honorary doctorate in economics on North Korea's dictator Kim Jong-un, saying that the 30-year-old leader makes untiring efforts for the education of the country and the well-being of its people. What do you think?

The North Korean people must be so proud and hungry.


Megan Alstadter

Kim Jong-Un Receives Honorary Doctorate


Manny Guinta

Kim Jong-Un Receives Honorary Doctorate


Kirk Otero

Company To Offer Balloon Rides To Edge Of Space

An Arizona-based company called World View Enterprises says it will offer rides to the edge of space in a capsule carried by a helium balloon at a price of $75,000 per person. What do you think?

I would be freaking out until I reminded myself that the safest form of travel is helium balloon rides.


Bennie Kopp

Is the balloon normal or Garfield-shaped?


Erin Lafferty

But what if the balloon pops? Some sweet animal will try to eat it and choke to death.


Darin Lam

U.S. Tapped Phones Of 35 World Leaders

According to documents leaked by Edward Snowden, the National Security Agency tapped German Chancellor Angela Merkel's phone as well as those of about 35 other foreign leaders beginning as early as 2002. What do you think?


Bethany Underhill

U.S. Tapped Phones Of 35 World Leaders

Good luck understanding that crazy-ass language of theirs.


Hans Behling

U.S. Tapped Phones Of 35 World Leaders

It must be nice to have someone care what you say.


Joni Culberg

Americans Spend $330 Million On Halloween Pet Costumes

According to the National Retail Federation, Americans will spend nearly a third of a billion dollars on costumes for their pets this Halloween. What do you think?

It seems like a waste, but my dog insists on going as something different every year.


Ned Zink

It's not easy to get a set of vampire teeth in a ferret's mouth, but it's worth it.


Audrey Quarles

My dog is already a dead ringer for Tommy Lee Jones.


Gavin Cabral

Mysterious Google Barges Seen On East, West Coasts

Many are speculating that two mysterious barges containing four-story structures, one docked in Portland, ME and another in San Francisco, are owned by tech giant Google and may contain floating data centers or promotional Google Glass store locations. What do you think?


Lisbeth Crowe

That's genius. Could there be a more secure location than an open barge at sea?


Richard Santoro

Oh, man. Now even a data center has gone on a cruise before me.


Vincent Zalvin

Poll: Older Americans Very Satisfied With Their Jobs

In a new poll, 90 percent of Americans over the age of 50 reported that they were either very satisfied or somewhat satisfied with their jobs, with the poll showing a steadily increasing level of job satisfaction among workers as they age. What do you think?

Typical baby boomers. Always satisfied with everything.


Pia Morales

That's because they didn't grow up with that agitator Dilbert constantly pointing out the frustrations and drudgeries of office life.


Edwin Avery

The longer I work at Dairy Queen, the happier I get.


Corey Murray

Pro-Assad Group Hacks Obama's Twitter Account

The Syrian Electronic Army, a group that supports the regime of Syrian President Bashar al-Assad, hacked links on President Barack Obama's official Twitter and Facebook accounts, redirecting users to a propaganda video about terrorism in Syria. What do you think?

Too late. I already visited those redirected links and was totally convinced by that incredible propaganda video.


Pilar Villanueva

That's why I don't waste my time with all that social media nonsense. Some electronic army's just going to take it over anyway.


Ryan Speakman

I knew this day was coming. The Cyber War has begun!


Marcus Storm

Town Sues Sriracha Factory Over Hot Sauce Odor

The town of Irwindale, CA is suing the local Sriracha hot sauce factory for what residents claim is the overpowering stench of chili peppers and garlic, alleging that the odor causes them to sneeze and cough, gives them headaches, and burns their eyes and throats. What do you think?

Another classic tale of a small town versus a big warehouse full of hot sauce.


Baron Panagos

People always seem to find a way to complain about any little thing that makes their face burn.


Christine Wike

They should just build a baking soda factory right next door.


Rodrigo Gallego

Half Of U.S. Kids Use Smartphone Or Computer By Age 2

A new study found that 48 percent of American children under the age of 2 have used a computer or mobile device, flouting the latest recommendations issued by the American Academy of Pediatrics. What do you think?


Dusty Baxter

It takes some brass balls to defy the American Academy of Pediatrics.


Wendy Newberry

Once they come out of the womb, they're not my problem anymore.


Alexa Keating

Rand Paul Accused Of Plagiarizing Speech From Wikipedia

Rachel Maddow accused Sen. Rand Paul (R-KY) of plagiarizing four lines of a recent speech from the Wikipedia page on the 1997 film Gattaca, while others noted that Paul appeared to borrow several lines from the Wikipedia entry on the 1988 drama Stand and Deliver during a speech earlier this year. What do you think?

I'm as mad as hell and I'm not going to take this anymore!


Trevor Langdon

I see how plagiarizing Wikipedia would be tempting. There are so many beautiful passages.


Keith Lee

Trying to slip a Gattaca quote by Maddow is a fool's errand.


Xavier Wren

FAA Allows Use Of Electronics Throughout Flights

The Federal Aviation Administration announced that airline passengers will now be able to use certain electronic devices, such as e-readers and video gaming devices, throughout an entire flight, though cell phone calls remain prohibited. What do you think?


Veronique Fowler

Aw, man. Just when I sold all my electronics.


Kyle Domingo

Nice to see the people whose job it is to protect me loosening up a bit.


Daisy Pfau

Facebook Use Declining Among Teens

Facebook stock prices tumbled after executives admitted this week that the site's usage among young teenagers has been declining in recent months, as newer social networks like Snapchat lure away the valuable trendsetting demographic. What do you think?

Well, I'm not using a social network that teens won't use!


Neal Carloni

Facebook Use Declining Among Teens

Wherever my son goes to share information online, I'll be right behind him three to six months later.


Maurizio Serrano

Facebook Use Declining Among Teens

What do teens think of Exxon? I'm thinking of buying some shares.


Gabe Grimes

World Facing Global Wine Shortage

Global demand for wine outstripped supply by 300 million cases last year due to rising per capita consumption, unfavorable weather, and fewer vineyards, with researchers predicting that the shortfalls in supply will only grow larger in the future. What do you think?

Things will go back to normal once all the buzz around Sideways dies down.


Judy Salazar

World Facing Global Wine Shortage

That's okay. I started dealing with my problems anyway.


Wade King

World Facing Global Wine Shortage

What about that XXX stuff I see cartoon characters drinking? Is that still in good supply?


Marco Esposito

Lay's Debuts Chocolate-Covered Potato Chips

Frito-Lay will begin selling a milk-chocolate-covered version of its wavy-style potato chips this week, which will be available through the holiday season and will be priced at $3.49 for a five-ounce package. What do you think?

Those will taste great in my holiday butter dip.


Del Garrett

Well, that simplifies my Christmas shopping a bit.


Sharon Conrad

I lost my dad this year, so the timing's perfect.


Yvonne Aitken

Scientists: At Least 8.8 Billion Habitable Planets In Galaxy

Using data from the Kepler telescope, scientists have estimated that that our galaxy contains about 8.8 billion potentially habitable planets orbiting sun-like stars, though the number could be as high as 40 billion if non-sun-like stars are included. What do you think?

I don't want habitable, I want transcendent.


James Silverberg

Study: Brushing, Flossing May Prevent Heart Disease

Researchers at Columbia University found a link between regular brushing and flossing of the teeth and a slower rate of plaque buildup in individuals' arteries, suggesting a lower likelihood of suffering a heart attack or stroke. What do you think?


Ruby Milio

I'll floss when it results in something really special.


Anthony Powell

I've been flossing since 1993. I'm going to live forever!


Graham Croft

Toronto Mayor Admits Smoking Crack On Video

Following more than five months of allegations, embattled Toronto mayor Rob Ford finally admitted this week that he smoked crack cocaine after police confirmed they had video evidence showing the mayor engaging in such behavior. What do you think?

Look, if you had a full day of ribbon-cutting ceremonies, you'd want to take the edge off too.


Simon Bird

It's a tough call. On one hand, videotaping yourself smoking crack could get you in trouble. On the other, you want to preserve the moment forever.


Liz Abbott

In case I ever run for office, I want to come clean now that I smoke crack regularly.


Dick Twomey

Study: People Appear More Beautiful In Groups

Researchers in California found that individuals' faces are rated as more attractive when they appear alongside those of other people, with the scientists saying that a person's asymmetries and disproportional features appear to average out in groups. What do you think?

So all those cheerleaders I had crushes on in high school were actually hideous?


Pauline MacLachlan

Which is why I continue to get off on every photo of Congress I can get my hands on.


Ray Dixon

No wonder I tuned out once Sting went solo.


Neil Du Prez

Marvel Comics Announces Muslim Girl Superhero

Marvel will introduce a new comic book series in February with a lead character named Kamala Khan, a teenage Muslim female who lives in Jersey City, NJ and who uses her shape-changing superpower to fight villains. What do you think?


Terence Pethig

I don't think we're ready for a superhero from New Jersey.


Sophie Shamberg

There they go again, telling girls they have to change their shape.


Melvin Engelen

Report: Yasser Arafat Poisoned With Polonium

Scientists conducted tests on the body of former Palestinian leader Yasser Arafat and found concentrations of the element polonium-210 that were 18 times the normal level, supporting the theory that he was poisoned, with many pointing their fingers at Israel. What do you think?

Ooh! It's like a murder mystery that we already know the answer to.


Hazel Armstrong

Using a high-quality poison like that is a sign of respect.


Stephen Skynner

Maybe he drank some just to be a tough guy.


Tia Bates

Lady Gaga To Sing In Outer Space In 2015

As part of the Zero G Colony festival that is set to take place in early 2015 at Spaceport America in New Mexico, Lady Gaga will perform a single song aboard a Virgin Galactic spaceflight, becoming the first pop star to sing in space. What do you think?

This better not be an empty promise like last time with Lance Bass.


John Church

I hope it's not the same Virgin Galactic spaceflight I booked. I really wanted to get some reading done.


Roland Munro

Is she playing anywhere closer to Cincinnati?


Al Apsey

FDA To Ban All Trans Fats

The FDA proposed new guidelines that would ban nearly all artificial trans fats, which are found in products such as frosting, margarine, microwave popcorn, and frozen pizza, a measure that they say could prevent 20,000 heart attacks a year. What do you think?


Neville Stallion

FDA To Ban All Trans Fats

But I like food that challenges my organs.


Maria Margetts

FDA To Ban All Trans Fats

Why are we so hung up on living so long?


Llewellyn Worley

Experts: Jellyfish Taking Over World's Oceans

Jellyfish populations have boomed across the world in recent years, a phenomenon experts say is likely caused by warming water temperatures and overfishing of jellyfish predators and competitors for food sources. What do you think?


Diana Webb

It was foolish of us to think we ever had a chance against the jellyfish.


Buford Grazer

White Texan Wins Election After Pretending To Be Black

A white conservative won a seat on the Houston Community College Board of Trustees after sending out flyers in his predominantly black neighborhood that showed stock images of African-Americans and included an endorsement by a family member who has the same name as a popular local black politician. What do you think?

Mitt Romney has to be kicking himself right now.


Leah Palevsky

Don't be so naive. No one gets on the Houston Community College Board of Trustees without a few dirty tricks.


Weston Zane

This is exactly the kind of thing that causes people to lose trust in what's printed on flyers.


Sabrina Kovero

Apple Developing Larger iPhone With Curved Screen

Apple is reportedly designing two larger versions of the iPhone that feature 4.7- and 5.5-inch curved glass displays, though the new iPhones are not likely to appear until the third quarter of next year. What do you think?

Good. My main problem with my current phone is that it fits too easily in my pocket.


Huey Troy

This is definitely going to hurt my underground business where I curve people's screens for $1,000 a phone.


Tony Harlow

I'm throwing my current phone in the garbage right away!


Frederick Leitzman

PG-13 Movies Have More Gun Violence Than R Movies

A study found that the amount of gun violence in PG-13–rated movies has more than tripled since 1985, with recent PG-13 films containing more gun violence than R-rated films. What do you think?

How else are children going to learn to shoot while jumping sideways?


Anisa Cantu

Well, if you have a better suggestion for how Jack Reacher should defend himself, I'm all ears.


Aaron Garbarino

Don't tell me what happens. I haven't seen any of them yet!


Melanie Sardi

Survey: 1 In 10 Women Prefer Pets To Partners

One-tenth of women in an English survey reported that they loved their pets more than their relationship partners, while nearly a third of women said they loved their pets and their partners an equal amount. What do you think?

Not me. My dog's a lying, cheating sack of shit.


Beau Graves

Yeah, I'm not afraid to admit I'm not a great catch compared to most pets.


Marc Sweatman

Makes sense. Who can love anything for more than 13 to 15 years?


Alejandro Alvarado

Obama's Approval Rating Hits Record Low

With numerous problems afflicting his signature health care law, President Barack Obama is  facing the worst polling numbers of his presidency, with a record low 39 percent of Americans  approving of his performance. What do you think?

He never should have gotten that second dog.


Kevin Trevino

Obama's Approval Rating Hits Record Low

Yeah, I've been trending down lately, too.


Judith Ascher

Obama's Approval Rating Hits Record Low

And to think, all of this could've been avoided by not giving a shit about people's health.


Lenny Valentine

Study: Women Less Likely To Climax During Casual Sex

According to a recent study, women are half as likely to reach orgasm from oral sex or intercourse during a one-night stand or casual hookup as when they are having sex in a serious relationship. What do you think?

This does not apply to me, as all my sex is really serious and tense.


Shawn Pappas

That's odd. I try really hard to make my partner orgasm during casual sex, even if it means pounding away for hours and hours.


Karl Scheidegger

Luckily, I come enough for the both of us.


Heather Delbert

Depression Accelerates Aging

Lab tests have shown that the cells of people who have suffered from severe depression appeared biologically older than the cells of non-depressed individuals, suggesting that the mental affliction speeds up the aging process in our bodies. What do you think?

I had no idea Kirk Douglas was so depressed.


Diego Zuber

Depression Accelerates Aging

It's a good thing I avoid depression by going to the tanning booth and eating whatever I want.


Jeremy Ashwill

Depression Accelerates Aging

Just in case you were wondering, happiness won't make you any younger.


Laura Van Order

China To Loosen One-Child Policy

The Chinese government announced that it will ease its 33-year-old population control measure that limited most couples to one child, and will begin allowing families to have two kids if one of the parents is an only child. What do you think?


Leroy Salinas

China To Loosen One-Child Policy

Sounds like someone has an army to bolster.


Randall Banich

China To Loosen One-Child Policy

Man, I bet all those Chinese couples who had an abortion recently sure feel stupid.


Carlos Benitez

California Town On Sale On Craigslist For $225K

The town of Seneca, CA, a 12-acre former gold-mining outpost in the northern part of the state, is being offered on Craigslist for $225,000, which includes the town's liquor license, three cabins, and a bar. What do you think?


Molly Guth

I'd buy it, but knowing me, I would tax myself into oblivion.


Scotty Hilkene

Throw in a handful of broken railroad spikes and we've got ourselves a deal.


Andrew Pastorelli

Dick Cheney's Daughters Feud Over Gay Marriage

Liz Cheney, who is running for a Senate seat in Wyoming, recently voiced her opposition to gay marriage, prompting her sister, Mary Cheney, who is married to her same-sex partner, to issue a response on Facebook stating that Liz is on the wrong side of history. What do you think?

If the Cheney sisters switched spouses for a week, I think we'd all learn a little something about love.


Pavel Woods

You know how sisters are. One second they're embroiled in a politically charged skirmish before the eyes of a nation, the next they're braiding each other's hair.


Claudia Vaughn

They should be talking about real issues that affect Wyoming, like fish and game.


Walt Trezise

More Teens Using E-Cigarettes

While the percentage of teens who smoked cigarettes stayed roughly the same between 2011 and 2012, health officials found that the percentage of high schoolers and middle schoolers who used e-cigarettes nearly doubled. What do you think?

What is it with teens and their obsession with vapor?!


Marisa Cameron

More Teens Using E-Cigarettes

I'm more concerned that teens may think these things look just as cool as cigarettes.


Skip Whitelaw

More Teens Using E-Cigarettes

Everybody knows once you nab Stephen Dorff as your spokesperson, you own the teen market.


Frederick Moseley

George Zimmerman Arrested For Domestic Violence

George Zimmerman, who was acquitted in the shooting death of Trayvon Martin, was arrested on a felony charge of assault after his girlfriend said he broke a glass table, pointed a shotgun at her face, and then locked her out of the house they share. What do you think?

I don't know how any woman could go out with someone who only just recently separated from his wife.


Nina Tolbert

Doesn't surprise me. That taste for the spotlight doesn't just go away.


Murray Tremmel

At least he knows he'll get a fair trial in Florida.


Miguel Orosco

Spicy Chips, Snack Foods Sending Kids To ER

Doctors across the country are reporting increases in the number of children arriving at emergency rooms with painfully inflamed stomachs after consuming chips and other snack foods with extremely spicy flavorings, such as Flamin' Hot Cheetos. What do you think?

Spicy chips are, and have always been, a tough man's food.


Lauren Duboc

My son's okay with hot stuff, but he can't have dairy, peanuts, shellfish, wheat, or eggs. He can eat fish, but he hates it.


Jonas Simmons

It's the price you pay for the lifestyle.


Perry Faulk

Hip-Hop Conservative' Congressman Caught With Cocaine

Former Fox News Radio talk-show host and self-proclaimed hip-hop conservative Trey Radel, a first-term Florida Tea Party congressman, pled guilty to cocaine possession today. What do you think?

Why do these hip-hop conservatives always have to be such stereotypes?


Betsy Scherzinger

Study: Video Games Don't Negatively Impact Kids' Behavior

Contrary to popular perceptions that playing video games causes psychological and emotional problems in children, a study of 5-year-olds in the United Kingdom found no correlation between electronic gaming and behavioral issues. What do you think?

I don't care about my child's well-being.


Thomas Carswell

I'll be sure to tell my little Headshot339.


Ahmed Rametta

So we'll never know what put that idea in Josh's head.


Saundra LaBelle

Ohio Walmart Holds Food Drive For Own Workers

A Walmart location in Canton, OH has placed a number of large bins in one of the back rooms of its store to collect donations for company employees who are having difficulty putting enough food on the table during the holidays. What do you think?

That hopping smiley face should be ashamed of itself.


Tommy Tsang

It was nice of the company to provide the empty bins.


Maxwell Leonard

Well, it's settled! I'm working for Walmart!


Cassandra Lazzara

Poll: Most In U.S. Believe JFK's Death A Conspiracy

Fifty years after President John F. Kennedy's assassination, a Gallup poll has found that 61 percent of Americans still believe JFK's murder was a conspiracy and not carried out by Lee Harvey Oswald alone. What do you think?


Phil Wilbanks

These people need to let go of their obsession with this idea that JFK was ever alive at all.


Ted Denlinger

Hmm, seems like Gallup's asking a lot of questions.


Billy Heimann

Today's Kids Take 1.5 Mins Longer To Run Mile Than '80s Kids

The American Heart Association found that children today take 90 seconds longer to run a mile than did children 30 years ago, with researchers attributing 30 to 60 percent of the decline in running performance to kids' increasing fat mass. What do you think?

Being able to move your body just isn't relevant to today's kids.


Heather Webster

The '80s were a special time filled with fast times and even faster kids.


Rock Kahn

Yeah, but kids back then had the advantage of three-stripe knee-high socks.


Leonard Flinchbaugh

FCC May Allow Cell Phone Calls On Flights

The Federal Communications Commission is considering lifting the ban on cell phone calls on flights when the plane is above 10,000 feet, though calls would still be disallowed during takeoff and landing. What do you think?


Marcel Lorimer

But takeoff and landing are the only parts I want to narrate.


Audrey Avery

Have the words 'airplane mode' lost all meaning?


Valerie Crusoe

Study: Handful Of Nuts Each Day Lengthens Life

A recent study found that people who ate a handful of nuts five or more times per week lived longer than people who rarely consumed nuts, with nut-eaters experiencing a 29 percent lower risk of dying from heart disease and 11 percent lower risk of dying from cancer. What do you think?

But what if you have little hands? What then?


Lamont Carson

Looks like I owe that weird nut guy at work an apology.


Alan Kiernan

Iran Suspends Nuclear Program

Possibly setting the stage for a more comprehensive deal, Secretary of State John Kerry helped broker an agreement with Iranian leaders to halt the enrichment of uranium to weapons-grade levels for the next six months in return for relief from economic sanctions. What do you think?

If it's anything like the time I halted my uranium enrichment, this is going to be a restless six months for Iran.


Tanya Battles

Iran Suspends Nuclear Program

We only achieved this kind of progress because we stopped soft-pedaling and really started pussyfooting.


Dwayne Chiu

Iran Suspends Nuclear Program

I'm disgusted that Iran would negotiate with a guy who killed his own soldiers on that swift boat.


Susan Courier

Winter Storm Snarls Holiday Travel

A winter storm that brought snow, sleet, and rain to the Southwest is poised to move east, soaking the South with rain and possibly bringing a windy wintry mix of precipitation to the Northeast, causing massive headaches for those traveling for Thanksgiving. What do you think?

Travel is usually my favorite part of the holidays, but not this year!


Alberto Filar

Winter Storm Snarls Holiday Travel

I have a buddy who lives in New Mexico and it's true. It did rain there.


George Favaro

Winter Storm Snarls Holiday Travel

I hope this doesn't mean my flight is diverted to Wichita and I have to travel home with an affable, overweight shower curtain ring salesman whom I dislike at first but slowly grow to appreciate until I ultimately find out his wife died and invite him over for Thanksgiving.


Lincoln Zolotas

Canadian City Outlaws Doorknobs

Vancouver, British Columbia, the eighth largest city in Canada, has banned the installation of doorknobs in all newly constructed buildings including personal residences, mandating that the devices be replaced with easier-to-use levers. What do you think?

But what about those of us who use long wooden planks to fasten doors?


Henrietta Dolan

Canadian City Outlaws Doorknobs

It's about time! Doorknobs are confusing enough, but add in Canada's metric system and the whole thing becomes an unsolvable puzzle.


Connor Hwong

Canadian City Outlaws Doorknobs

I think people should just stay in the room they're in.


Matthew Maltz

Morning-After Pill Doesn't Work For Heavier Women

According to the French pharmaceutical manufacturer HRA Pharma, the active ingredient in morning-after pills is not fully effective in women who weigh over 165 pounds and is ineffective in women who weigh more than 176 pounds. What do you think?

Its a good thing I weigh all my women before intercourse.


Bethany Kirkpatrick

But you don't reach peak sexuality until at least 175 pounds.


Marnie Panaretos

Nation Celebrates Thanksgiving

All across the country, Americans are gathering with their loved ones to celebrate Thanksgiving. What are you thankful for this year?


Dan McQuary

Nation Celebrates Thanksgiving

I'm still thankful the Lord gave us the strength to beat Rockaway during homecoming my junior year. Go Cougars!


David Gillis

Nation Celebrates Thanksgiving

This sweater. My hands. Friends. Ambulance. Am I doing this right?


Bradley Stapleton

Comet Could Light Up Sky In Northern Hemisphere

The comet ISON will fly close to the sun on Thursday, and if it manages to survive without being ripped apart, astronomers say the celestial body could produce a brilliant spectacle in the Northern Hemisphere that's visible to the naked eye throughout December. What do you think?

Just further proof that the Northern Hemisphere is the best.


Annamaria Mullan

Get back to me when they know for sure. There's no way I'm looking out my window for nothing.


Dalton Vogel

Brilliant or not, I'd rather not have anything draw the eye away from my new rain gutters.


Craig Hirsch

Amazon Testing Drone Delivery Service

Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos recently revealed that the online retailer has been experimenting with a new drone-based delivery method called Amazon Prime Air, in which unmanned vehicles would fly packages to a customer's doorstep within 30 minutes of their order. What do you think?

So they do read the suggestions we send.


Charlotte Peck

Amazon Testing Drone Delivery Service


Jarrod Holloway

Amazon Testing Drone Delivery Service

Thirty minutes is too long. I need my Duckman DVD now.


Corey Cummings

Cyber Monday Sales Projected To Top Records

Online analysts have projected that Cyber Monday sales will reach $2.27 billion this year, making it the highest online shopping day in the nation's history. What do you think?

Wow, that's awesome! A big congrats to all the corporations out there.


Joy Reardon

What exact time will that begin? I'm looking for ways to move with the herd.


Aaron Schuyler

Having a computer is finally paying off!


Jessica Davey

Train Safety Called Into Question

Following this weekend's deadly train derailment in the Bronx, commuters around the nation have been left wondering if traveling by rail is still a safe transportation option. What do you think?

All of this really makes you think. Technically, everything does.


Martin Branch

Train Safety Called Into Question

Look, mack, I've got to catch that 4:50 to Topeka or my goose is cooked. No two ways about it.


Eric Powell

Train Safety Called Into Question


Taryn West

Study: Gut Instincts Help Predict Marital Happiness

A study published in the journal Science found that the gut feelings newlyweds have for each other right after getting married are good predictors of future happiness, with couples experiencing underlying doubts about their partners less likely to stay together than those with positive subconscious feelings at the time. What do you think?

Great, now I know how to interpret that sinking, this-is-the-worst-mistake-of-my-life feeling I had right after I got married.


Matthew Schiller

For something as big as marriage, it's best to let your wife make the decision.


Jackson Haney

Study: Male, Female Brains Wired Differently

A recent study published in the journal Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences found significant differences in how neural networks are connected in the brains of men versus women, with male brains better structured to facilitate perception and action and female brains more attuned to reasoning and intuition. What do you think?

I'm sure this study can't possibly be misinterpreted in any way.


Anna Duarte

I usually just go by what kind of genitalia they have.


Christina Alker

House Votes To Renew Ban On Plastic Guns

The House of Representatives has voted to renew a longstanding ban on plastic firearms that don't have enough metal to be detected by X-ray machines, though many have criticized the extension bill for not restricting 3D printing technology, which can produce plastic guns with removable metal parts. What do you think?

I like when politicians can put aside petty differences to accomplish something that's already law.


Joe Brennan

Sure, 'plastic guns'—what else did they ban? Phasers and electro-rifles?


Robert Gambon

Just more evidence that congress is in the pocket of Big 3D.


Michael Schneider

NSA Tracking Locations Of Millions Of Cell Phones

According to an investigation by The Washington Post, the National Security Agency is currently tracking the locations of hundreds of millions of cell phones worldwide belonging to both Americans and foreigners, with the agency collecting nearly 5 billion new records per day that allow them to trace the movements of individuals and map their relationships on an unprecedented scale. What do you think?

Sometimes it's just nice to know that someone somewhere is looking out for you.


Tom Mills

How many are in Macaroni Grill right now? If there's a lot, I'll make a reservation.


Sarah Henecky

Then I may as well just admit it now. It's in my pocket.


Megan Kertzner

Lawsuit Seeks Human Rights For Chimps

Borrowing rhetoric from the anti-slavery movement, a lawsuit filed in New York on behalf of four captive chimpanzees seeks to recognize chimps as legal persons with a limited right to liberty, which would prohibit them from being kept as pets or used in biomedical research. What do you think?

But how else will we know how badly mascara burns your eyes out?


Bob Friedman

Lawsuit Seeks Human Rights For Chimps


Ryan Huus

Lawsuit Seeks Human Rights For Chimps

All right, how many bananas do we gotta throw at this to make it go away?


Dennis Curto

Study Disputes 'Fat But Fit' Claim

Challenging the idea that obesity is benign if the person is metabolically healthy, a new study in the Annals Of Internal Medicine has found that even if an obese person has normal blood pressure and cholesterol levels, they have a higher risk of dying from heart disease than those with a lower body mass index. What do you think?

Why can't the Annals Of Internal Medicine just tell me what I want to hear for once?


Melanie Swartz

Study Disputes 'Fat But Fit' Claim

Science has really been on a tear lately in terms of undermining what Uncle Marty says.


Ben Levine

Study Disputes 'Fat But Fit' Claim

Might as well go the whole nine yards and just be fat and sedentary.


Jay Osbourne

World Leaders Attend Mandela Funeral

President Barack Obama and all other living U.S. presidents as well as scores of heads of state from around the world gathered at FNB Stadium in South Africa today to pay their respects to anti-apartheid icon Nelson Mandela. What do you think?

If anyone deserves a funeral, it's Nelson Mandela.


Mark Samuelson

World Leaders Attend Mandela Funeral

Talk about star-studded! Italian Minister of Economy and Finance Fabrizio Saccomanni was there. Wow!


Lydia O'Malley

World Leaders Attend Mandela Funeral

I hope they all held hands. That would have been pretty cool, considering how famous everyone is.


Matt Pickett

2013 In Politics

This year saw a 16-day government shutdown, the Supreme Court striking down the Defense of Marriage Act, and the problem-prone rollout of Obamacare's online health insurance exchange. What do you think was the biggest political story of 2013?

My property taxes went up again, thanks to Mayor Jenkins and his band of cronies.


Zach Solomon

2013 In Politics

I think the fact that there are three branches of government—judicial, executive, and legislative—takes the cake yet again.


Joan Poitras

2013 In Politics

I may have dreamt this, but the one where Obama came over to my house to use my printer.


Herbert Beavers

2013 In The Economy

Housing prices rebounded in 2013 and U.S. stock indexes hit all-time highs, though unemployment still held above 7 percent and the recovery from the Great Recession remained tepid. How did the economy affect you this year?

I found five dollars. Yeah, just lying on the street!


Ken Davis

2013 In The Economy

I had about 200,000 jobs in October, so I guess it's going okay.


Bonnie Barrigan

2013 In The Economy

Don't know if this counts, but I lost my dog, bought two more dogs, and then found the first dog.


Donna Sinclair

NSA Spied On Online Gamers

Newly released documents reveal that members of the National Security Agency spied on multiplayer online games, believing that terrorists might be using the games to communicate, coordinate real-world attacks, and pass money to one another. What do you think?

Yeah, I play World Of Warcraft with a bunch of guys from al-Qaeda. They're pretty good.


Leon Kupperman

NSA Spied On Online Gamers

So, all this time I might've been playing with someone who's just pretending to be someone pretending to be an orc?


Dietrich Brown

NSA Spied On Online Gamers

I don't play video games, so I'm not too worried about being spied on.


Curtis Toth

Freeze-Resistant Cockroaches Invade Manhattan

A particularly hardy species of Asian cockroach known as Periplaneta japonica, which can withstand freezing temperatures and winter conditions, has been found in Manhattan, its first confirmed presence in the United States. What do you think?

Great, just another thing obnoxious New Yorkers get to brag about.


Leona Wolf

Never heard of it, and I've been freezing bugs for a while.


Reggie Montgomery

2013 In International News

This year, the British royal baby was born, Pope Francis became the new pontiff, and legendary anti-apartheid leader Nelson Mandela died at age 95. What do you think the biggest international story of the year was?

Lingering memories of the 2012 London Olympics!


Lindsay McDonald

2013 In International News

I mainly just keep up with international news that has to do with helicopter crashes, and I've got to say, it's been a pretty slow year.


Colin Allison

2013 In International News


Eric Sax

Uruguay Legalizes Marijuana

Uruguay became the first country in the world to fully legalize production and distribution of marijuana, allowing Uruguayan citizens over the age of 18 to grow up to six pot plants of their own and purchase up to 1.4 ounces of the drug per month. What do you think?

But how are they supposed to fill up their jails?


Ray Rogers

Uruguay Legalizes Marijuana

Now when I visit Uruguay everyone will think I'm there to get high, not to enjoy the beautiful handcrafted woolen goods.


Alice Teller

Uruguay Legalizes Marijuana

Is this one of those deals where I show up and someone steals my organs?


Jeremiah Visconti

2013 In Entertainment

The entertainment world was abuzz this year over Kim Kardashian and Kanye West's newborn daughter North, the series finale of Breaking Bad, as well as the antics of former Disney star Miley Cyrus. What do you think was 2013's top entertainment industry story?

That David Blaine special freaked out my mom.


Samuel Kenner

2013 In Entertainment

I'll never forget the morning when I woke up and saw this in my newsfeed: 'Celebrities Attend Man Of Steel Premiere in New York.' I still get chills.


Laura Unger

2013 In Entertainment

I thought everyone in general did a great job of keeping me entertained.


Darren Goldstein

2013 In Technology

The National Security Agency's high-tech online spying, the debut of the Xbox One and Playstation 4, and the rise of wearable computers such as smartwatches were all major news stories this year. What do you think was the greatest advancement in technology in 2013?

With Potato Express, I can make perfect potatoes in just four minutes!


Gina Whistler

2013 In Technology

I'm still driving a lot, so I guess I'd say cars.


Rudy Eakin

2013 In Technology

It could be that new massage chair at Brookstone, or maybe Brookstone's electronic golf game. But I don't know, I haven't been to Brookstone in a while.


Calvin McCue

Study: U.S. Anti-Smoking Efforts Have Saved 8 Million Lives

The Journal Of The American Medical Association estimates 8 million American lives have been saved by anti-smoking measures since 1964, when the first surgeon general's report on the dangers of tobacco was published. What do you think?

I wish the government would mind its own business and stop saving my life.


Rob Siler

Imagine how many more lives would have been saved if Mötley Crüe's cover of Smokin' In The Boys Room hadn't gotten to them first.


Angela Krugg

Yeah, but I bet a lot of those people will still end up dying some way eventually.


Perry McGregor

Attractive Students Given Higher Grades

A recent study found that attractive students tend to be given significantly higher grades in school, receive more attention from their teachers, and are more likely to attend college compared to less attractive students. What do you think?

I knew I should've been more attractive in high school.


Gil Nelson

Attractive Students Given Higher Grades


Maureen Laimbeer

Attractive Students Given Higher Grades

Let's face it: Attractive people are pretty great.


Lance Ashmont

Taking Pictures Harms Memory

According to a recent study, individuals were less likely to remember details of objects they saw if they took photographs of these items rather than if they simply observed them. What do you think?

So that's why the memory of last week's steak sandwich is slowly dwindling away.


Daniel Culver

Taking Pictures Harms Memory

Which is why I take a moment and marvel at every upskirt before snapping a photo.


Rita Dow-Moore

Taking Pictures Harms Memory

Ah, so I'm the one who's been putting those pictures on my phone? It all makes sense now.


Sharon Atwell

Adults More Likely Than Teens To Use Phone While Driving

Challenging popular beliefs, a report by the AAA Foundation for Traffic Safety found that adults were actually far more likely to text or talk on the phone while driving than teenagers. What do you think?


Blake Templeton

Who else is going to call the numbers listed on the back of big rigs that are driving erratically?


Kevin Simmons

I love being an adult because we can do whatever we want.