Jackie Winslow

Spanish Princess Charged With Corruption

Princess Christina Of Spain will face charges of corruption stemming from an investigation into her husband, a former Olympic handball player, who allegedly overcharged local governments for organizing sporting events. What do you think?

What did she expect marrying a handball player?


Kevin Steuer

Hey, if I were an Olympian married to a Spanish princess I'd want more too.


Gary Schiff

I may not know much about the Spanish monarchy system, but I do know this: that thing you just told me about the princess getting arrested.


Janine Van Straten

Jimmy Fallon Replacing Jay Leno On 'Tonight Show'

Following debacles surrounding his initial takeover of The Tonight Show in 1992 and his brief retirement from the post in 2009, Jay Leno confirmed yesterday that he'll hand the program's reins to Late Night host Jimmy Fallon next February. What do you think?


Donald Manheim

I'm just glad Leno got a fair shot at hosting The Tonight Show.'


Lou Pasqualone

This is exciting, but I go to sleep at 10, 9 Central.


Luke Adler

Pixar Announces 'Finding Nemo' Sequel

Pixar announced that it will release a sequel to the hit 2003 animated movie Finding Nemo in November 2015, which will be called Finding Dory and will focus on the forgetful blue fish voiced by Ellen Degeneres and her quest to reunite with her loved ones. What do you think?

Finding Nemo was a great movie, but I'm just not sure if the exact same plot would work with a different-named fish.


Mona Villalobos

Pixar Announces 'Finding Nemo' Sequel

Great. My divorce should be finalized by then, and this will be the perfect way to distract my kids.


Basil Kemp

Pixar Announces 'Finding Nemo' Sequel

2015? What the fuck am I supposed to do until then?


Mark Studenny

Obama To Return 5% Of Salary To Government

Showing his solidarity with federal employees who have been furloughed due to sequestration budget cuts, President Barack Obama decided to return 5 percent of his $400,000 annual salary to the Treasury. What do you think?

Typical Obama. Doing something that I'm going to have a problem with no matter what it is.


Dean Sorvino

As if the Treasury could use any more money.


Joy Zimmitti

Those poor Obama girls, having to go to Sidwell Friends School barefoot.


Peggy Gonneau

Majority Of Americans Now Support Legalizing Marijuana

According to the Pew Research Center, 52 percent of Americans are now in favor of legalizing marijuana while only 45 percent oppose it, marking the first time in over 40 years of polling by the company that a majority of citizens have backed pot's legalization. What do you think?


Earl Clotworthy

Great news. I look forward to a society where I can don my Chronic the Hemphog T-shirt with pride.


Wayne Lemmon

Airline Passenger Complaints Up Sharply

According to data from the Department of Transportation, the number of passenger complaints about airline travel soared 20 percent in 2012, with United earning the title of the most complained-about airline. What do you think?

As the talkative guy eating a tuna salad sandwich next to you, I'm largely to blame for this report.


Brooke Cochran

Airline Passenger Complaints Up Sharply

Why are these people complaining to the Department of Transportation when there's a perfectly good flight attendant on the plane they could scream at right there?


Dirk Osterberg

Airline Passenger Complaints Up Sharply

These people need to relax, open up the latest issue of Hemispheres, and lose themselves in a story about Jacksonville's nightlife hot spots.


Hugh Rand

More Women Moving In With Partners Before Marriage

According to a new study, between 2006 and 2010, 48 percent of all women between the ages of 15 and 44 moved in with their male partners without being married, up from 34 percent in 1995. What do you think?

I'm gonna start reciting Bible verses at random. Stop me when I hit one that forbids this.


Laura Meyerson

Well, sure. Everyone knows there's nothing hotter for your sex life than a surprise-free domestic routine.


Leslie Glover

Not me. Mother and I will be living off her disability checks until the proper suitor comes along.


Aaron Meredith

Deadly Strain Of Bird Flu Spreading In China

A strain of avian flu known as H7N9 has infected at least 24 people and killed seven in Eastern China, prompting the government to kill tens of thousands of fowl in an effort to stem the spread. What do you think?

The nice thing is that in China you can just throw dead animals in the river and not worry about it anymore.


Tom Wahlquist

It's like every time things are starting to look up for me, the bird flu comes along.


Linda Kolsrud

I'm impressed China even noticed seven people were gone.


Stephanie Sarreal

Navy Develops Drone-Destroying Laser Cannon

The U.S. Navy announced the successful development of a powerful laser cannon that is capable of taking down drone aircraft, which will be mounted to the deck of a ship and deployed to the Persian Gulf to deter Iranian aggression. What do you think?

Good. I've always said we need more ways to shoot things.


Dale Koehler

Can't we for once use a drone-destroying laser cannon for good?


Steve Chan

Just like a Navy man: mounting his laser cannon to a ship rather than freehanding it.


Trudy Haack

German Thieves Steal 5.5 Tons Of Nutella

Thieves in the town Bad Hersfeld, Germany stole five and a half tons of the chocolate-hazelnut spread Nutella from a parked semi truck trailer, a heist valued at over $20,000. What do you think?

I love Nutella as much as anyone, but I can't imagine myself ever stealing more than a ton of it.


Keith Melazzo

Boy, it's going to be impossible to launder all that Nutella.


Hugh Muir

NASA To Capture Asteroid, Drag It Back To Earth

Eyeing a launch date in 2019, NASA plans to send a robotic vehicle into space that will capture an asteroid using a baggie with a drawstring mechanism, then pull the space rock back near Earth, allowing for close study by a later manned mission. What do you think?

If I don't live to 2019, I'm glad I have the chance now to say this is stupid.


Trina Flores

Imagine that. You fly around for 4 billion years and one day someone puts you in a bag.


Dick Gibbon

Oh, so it's fine when NASA does something like this, but I wind up on a sex offender registry.


Spiro Heuer

French President Receives New Camel After First Eaten

The government of Mali will give French president Francois Hollande a bigger and better-looking camel as a gift for France's help in defeating Muslim rebels after the original camel, which Hollande left with a family in Timbuktu, was promptly killed and eaten in a stew. What do you think?

Great, now you've got me all hungry for camel.


Rosalie Heitman

I'm a little confused about the etiquette here. How long can someone leave their camel at your house before you're allowed to eat it?


Ernie Gallavan

See, that's why I always make sure to keep a close watch on my camel, because otherwise—oh, no, Annabelle!


Shelly Albeiz

Senate Agrees To Background Checks For Most Gun Buyers

Members of the Senate reached a bipartisan agreement yesterday to require background checks for buyers in nearly all gun purchases, though firearms sales within families or between friends would still be exempt from the requirement. What do you think?

Are you telling me that if a psycho wants a gun he'll have to go through the slight inconvenience of having to buy it from a friend?


Dino Dimuro

Well, what if I befriend a gun store owner, and then what if the friendship becomes more important to either of us than the gun I was trying to buy? Wouldn't that be great?


Vic Orsatti

Disgraced Congressman Weiner Weighing NYC Mayoral Run

Former Democratic congressman Anthony Weiner of New York, who resigned from office in 2011 after accidentally sharing a photograph of a visible erection in his underwear on Twitter, has said he is considering running for New York City mayor this year. What do you think?

Let he who hath not tweeted a picture of his erect penis cast the first stone.


Sybil Lykins

He should show he has a sense of humor about the whole scandal by announcing his run while fully erect.


Elliot Colean

I fail to see the humor in all of this. Oh, wait. Now I get it.


Kent Van Zant

Man Hacks Into Plane's Flight Controls Using Phone App

To draw attention to the vulnerabilities of flight control systems, a security consultant created an app for his Android phone that lets him remotely seize control of a jetliner's autopilot function, potentially allowing him to alter its flight path or crash the plane. What do you think?

What kind of social media integration does it have? Because I wouldn't want Facebook flooding everyone's news feed every time I crash a plane.


Jimmy Shelton

I'm fine with this being publicly available as long as people agree to only alter the flight path and never crash the plane.


Buffy Yee

Did he make one of those apps where he says it's free but then bombards you with ads? It's like, I'd rather just pay the 99 cents.


Walter Robling

All Blue Angels Air Shows Canceled In 2013

Facing sequestration-related budget cuts, the Navy has canceled all appearances of its popular Blue Angels stunt-flying team for the rest of the year, officially grounding the elite pilots and their iconic blue-and-yellow jets. What do you think?

There goes my plan to load up the microbus and follow the Blue Angels around all summer.


Isabel Bierbaum

I never thought it was right for children to see fighter jets flying in such close formation anyhow, what with their gyrating around and climactic soaring and fuel-discharging.


Jack Merz

To honor them, I've been doing a lot more barrel rolls.


Ty Richards

Justin Bieber Wishes Anne Frank Had Been 'Belieber'

While visiting the Anne Frank House in Amsterdam, pop star Justin Bieber wrote in the museum's guestbook that the famous diarist and Holocaust victim was a great girl and that he hoped she would have been a Belieber, using a common term for his fans. What do you think?

Who cares? I've been telling people Anne Frank would have loved my carpet-cleaning business for years.


Wilbert McBride

Thank God. I visited the Anne Frank House that same day, and I wrote something far more offensive.


Misha Trumbull

Let the haters hate, but if this stops one Bieber fan from rounding up and slaughtering a Jewish family it'll all be worth it.


Louise Pearce

Global Military Spending Declines

Overall spending on militaries worldwide fell to $1.75 trillion in 2012, down 0.5 percent from the previous year and marking the first recorded drop in global military spending since 1998. What do you think?

My wish for world peace came 0.5 percent true!


Miguel Flores

Global Military Spending Declines

God, now we're going to have the lamest wars.


Evan Townsend

Global Military Spending Declines

Now nothing can stop me! Ha ha ha ha ha!


Rose Vasilantonakis

Nonpartisan Review Concludes U.S. Engaged In Torture

A report by the nonpartisan Constitution Project concluded that the detention and interrogation practices used by the United States following 9/11 amounted to torture and that the nation's top leaders were ultimately responsible for the human rights violations. What do you think?

I hope the partisan reports are more patriotic.


Conan Rapovsky

I don't see why the reviewers couldn't just let us go on quietly knowing that without ever mentioning it.


Ian Foyle

Letters Containing Deadly Poison Sent To President, Senator

A white granular substance identified as ricin, a potentially lethal poison, has been found in suspicious letters that were mailed to President Barack Obama, Sen. Roger Wicker (R-MS), and perhaps other lawmakers. What do you think?

To be fair, some people have difficulty expressing their feelings in words.


Frank Hollowell

This is why I'm not a national political figure.


Jade Galliford

I just sent the president a sample of this amazing flour I got. I should probably give him a heads-up.


Anderson Grier

Giant, Voracious Snails Invade Florida

South Florida is struggling to deal with an infestation of invasive giant African land snails, which can grow to the size of rats, readily consume over 500 native species, and are known to enjoy chewing on the stucco common to Florida's housing. What do you think?

I say we cut our losses and just give Florida to the snails.


Nadia Jenkinson

Giant, Voracious Snails Invade Florida

They seem like go-getters wanting their piece of the American dream. Who are any of us to stop them?


Donald Priestley

Giant, Voracious Snails Invade Florida

I'm with the snails. Stucco is delicious.


Bonnie Lazarus

Senate Blocks All Gun Control Measures

In spite of a bipartisan compromise to impose background checks for nearly all sales of firearms, the Senate failed to reach the 60-vote threshold needed to defeat a filibuster yesterday, effectively ending the federal push for gun control. What do you think?

This is crazy. It's almost as if some organization is paying them not to pass this bill.


Bart Haagensen

Senate Blocks All Gun Control Measures

As a politician, you can't just do whatever's popular, pragmatic, and necessary.


Jay Stratton

Senate Blocks All Gun Control Measures

They waited too long. Last month, all you heard was 'Gun control! Gun control!' Now it's just, 'Star Trek trailer! Star Trek trailer!'


Ray Shandley

Bradley Cooper Admits He Lives With His Mother

Bradley Cooper, the Oscar-nominated star of Silver Linings Playbook and former People magazine Sexiest Man Alive, admitted that his mother lives in the next room of their shared home, where she has resided since his father died in 2011. What do you think?

Hey, what do you know? I'm doing just as well as Bradley Cooper!


Hunter Heslup

What a caring and selfless act by a man I will never stop mocking.


Pauline Walpole

Sure, I see her every day when she drops him off at the Hangover set.


Jeanette Kobielski

NASA Finds 2 Planets Ideal For Life

NASA's Kepler space telescope has located two planets 1,200 light years away that are in the so-called Goldilocks zone of their solar system where liquid water might exist, making them ideal candidates for supporting life as we know it. What do you think?


Clement Eisenreich

NASA Finds 2 Planets Ideal For Life

Let the interstellar human infestation begin!


Fraser Heinze

NASA Finds 2 Planets Ideal For Life

Well, I'd never go. It would just be too much of a hassle to adjust all my recipes for a slightly different atmosphere.


Lance Sprague

Reese Witherspoon Arrested For Disorderly Conduct

While her husband was receiving a DUI Friday, Reese Witherspoon was arrested for disorderly conduct when she disobeyed officers' orders to stay in the car and defiantly questioned whether they knew who she was, behavior she admitted she was deeply embarrassed by. What do you think?

Who does she think she is? Renée fucking Zellweger?


Jasper Perreira

Since she sounds genuinely remorseful, I say we only viciously mock her until Thursday.


Elizabeth Gawley

The Reese Witherspoon downward spiral continues. That girl really needs some help.


Rebekah Sabban

Al-Qaeda Plot To Derail Train Thwarted By Canadians

Canadian authorities apprehended two individuals who allegedly planned to cause a derailment on a passenger train traveling from Toronto to New York City, a plot they claim was directed and guided by al-Qaeda elements in Iran. What do you think?

It was all over once they leaked what time the train was leaving and how fast it would be traveling.


Bronson Paciorek

Canada? Iran? A train? Now things are getting interesting.


Billy Stark

By now, you'd think terrorists would learn how to communicate without chattering.


Dawn Miano

Russia Launches 8 Gerbils, 15 Lizards, Fish Into Space

Analyzing the effects of long-term space travel, Russia launched a capsule into orbit containing mice, geckos, gerbils, snails, fish, and a variety of microogranisms, which will all be monitored for 30 days before returning to Earth, when they'll be euthanized. What do you think?

Space will prove hard on these animals, but their greatest challenge will be working as a team out there.


Rick Bernstein

This is a bold step toward one day sending 14 cats, 3 wolves, and 12 bats to Mars.


Jeb Leeds

Stonehenge Seeking General Manager

The British agency that maintains Stonehenge, the ring of large stones believed to have been erected between 4,000 and 5,000 years ago, has begun soliciting applications for a new general manager of the monument, a position that will pay $99,000 a year. What do you think?


Peggy Faloona

Stonehenge Seeking General Manager

I'm already thinking of ideas for how to rearrange it. Ooh, how about like a big stack?


Andrew Marvin

Stonehenge Seeking General Manager


Elmo Reiner

Gwyneth Paltrow Named World's Most Beautiful Woman

Just days after Star magazine declared her the Most Hated Celebrity, People magazine named actress Gwyneth Paltrow as the World's Most Beautiful Woman for 2013, succeeding last year's winner Beyoncé. What do you think?

If I know Gwyneth, she'd prefer to be known as a mother first and the most beautiful woman in the world second.


Roger Meehan

Hated and beautiful? At the same time? Imagine that.


Marta Hernandez

Bill Clinton Joins Twitter

Former president Bill Clinton sent out his first tweet last night under the name @billclinton and has already amassed some 400,000 followers. What do you think?

I'll wait a few weeks before following him. Don't want to seem too desperate.


Joshua Driver

Bill Clinton Joins Twitter

Twitter is a good way to get your voice heard.


Mike Fleury

Bill Clinton Joins Twitter

Then who the hell is @TheRealBillyClint?


Jaleel Bryson

Study: Fame May Shorten Lifespan

An analysis of obituaries appearing in The New York Times between 2009 and 2011 found that people who were classified as famous—such as sports figures and performers—lived, on average, several years fewer than those in other fields. What do you think?

Good thing I'm culturally inconsequential!


Sophie Mashimo

Study: Fame May Shorten Lifespan

I have 243 Twitter followers. How long do I have?


Bruce Springsteen

Study: Fame May Shorten Lifespan


Daniel Aronson

Vanilla Ice To Work With Amish In New TV Show

Rapper Vanilla Ice will star in a reality show on the DIY Network titled Vanilla Ice Goes Amish, in which the Ice Ice Baby singer will live among an Amish community in Ohio to learn their construction methods. What do you think?

I'll give him two weeks tops before he loses it for lack of zippers.


Charla Mason

Must be weird for the Amish to participate in a project where they're not the punch line.


Ken Carr

This is a total rip-off of Hammer Goes Hasidic.


Arthur Ettel

3 Men Deported From Saudi Arabia For Being 'Too Sexy'

Authorities reportedly removed three men from a festival in Saudi Arabia and sent them back to their native United Arab Emirates for being too handsome, one of whom posted a number of photos of himself on Facebook that show him wearing eyeliner. What do you think?


James Fearing

The same exact thing happened to me. But instead of 'too sexy,' they said I was 'too violent.'


Donnamarie Post

Really? I think men look sexiest when they're not wearing makeup and are just being themselves.


Alexis Ashton

McDonald's May Offer Breakfast All Day

The president and CEO of McDonald's hinted that the fast food giant may soon make its breakfast menu available around the clock, while also noting that the company is considering meal delivery services and loyalty programs for customers. What do you think?

Now what reason will we have to get up before 10:30?


Jim Palm

McDonald's May Offer Breakfast All Day


Sambo Matthews

McDonald's May Offer Breakfast All Day


Jeremy Sager

Average Teen Will Spend $1,139 On Prom

Following a brief downturn in recent years due to the flagging economy, the average teen's spending on prom this year is expected to rise to $1,139, with much of that money supplied by parents to pay for tickets, attire, hairstyling, and transportation. What do you think?

With prices growing every year, I just can't afford to go anymore.


Dustin Woodbury

Average Teen Will Spend $1,139 On Prom

It's totally worth it if you get to hear your favorite song.


Jill Winget

Average Teen Will Spend $1,139 On Prom

It's times like these when I'm glad my son is a creepy loner.


Brant Lowrie

Sandra Day O'Connor Regrets 'Bush V. Gore'

Former Supreme Court justice Sandra Day O'Connor said the court's decision to hear the case of Bush v. Gore during the contested 2000 general election may have been a mistake and claimed it harmed the court's reputation. What do you think?

She should give herself a break. I mean, who hasn't made a mistake when adjudicating a landmark case?


Sophie Anson

Well, it's a good thing we don't let small groups of powerful people influence elections anymore.


Ross Schombing

1 World Trade Center To Become Tallest Building In West

With the installation of the final piece of its 408-foot spire, 1 World Trade Center in New York City will become the tallest building in the Western Hemisphere and the third tallest on earth, reaching a symbolic height of 1,776 feet. What do you think?


Jane Ann Fox

I get the historical significance of a 1,776-foot building, but what about the 408-foot spire? All that comes to mind is the death of the Byzantine Emperor Arcadius.


Daisuke Matsunaga

As a Little Caesars owner/operator, I'm curious: Is any retail space available at street level?


Martin Sandalis

3 Climbers, 100 Sherpas Brawl On Mt. Everest

While 23,000 feet up Mt. Everest, three European climbers claimed they were physically attacked by 100 Sherpa guides after they disobeyed the Sherpas' commands and knocked ice onto one of the Sherpas below, though both sides later made peace. What do you think?

Let's see them try that shit at sea level!


Carol Telford

That's the great thing about Sherpas: You can fight with 100 of them but still make up and go climb Everest later like nothing happened.


Angela Dowers

Obama Renews Calls To Close Guantánamo

President Barack Obama renewed his 2008 campaign promise to close the detention facility at Guantánamo Bay, where roughly 100 detainees are currently on a hunger strike that has required many of them to be force-fed by special medical personnel. What do you think?

Plenty more undisclosed offshore prisons where that came from.


Kendrick Beugg

Obama Renews Calls To Close Guantánamo

Yeah, Obama's a big one for renewing calls.


Gary Wallin

Obama Renews Calls To Close Guantánamo

Man, I wish someone would force-feed me.


Jeb Levin

Woman Placed Poisoned Orange Juice In Starbucks

A California woman has been charged with attempted murder after allegedly placing two bottles of orange juice containing lethal amounts of rubbing alcohol into a refrigerated case at a Starbucks in San Jose. What do you think?

I like a little rubbing alcohol in my O.J., but not that much.


Gayle Noble

If you look at it from her perspective, though, that's still really fucked up.


Shawn Yoon

That's nothing. Yesterday, this guy in line at Starbucks was screaming into his phone the whole time, and then when it came time to pay, he said he left his wallet in his car. Unbelievable.


Amber Jansen

New Zealand Bans Naming Babies 'Christ,' 'Lucifer'

New Zealand, which requires government approval of all baby names before they become official, released a list of the names it has rejected, including 4Real, Anal, and a symbol of a star. What do you think?

Well, in that case, I'm glad me and my daughter Anal don't live in New Zealand.


Bruce Dent

But somehow 'Irene' is okay. Irene. I-reeeene. God, such a weird name.


Kent Chandler

It's about time. There are like seven Lucifers in my son's daycare.


Lucas Doss

First American Colonists Engaged In Cannibalism

Citing knife and saw marks on the bones of a 14-year-old girl who is believed to have died of starvation, researchers concluded that the colonists in Jamestown, the first permanent English settlement in the Americas, ate the girl's flesh and brain during the winter of 1609. What do you think?


Karen Osburn

I'd eat some frozen kid if it meant escaping religious persecution.


Moe Vanselow

First Woman Added To FBI's 'Most Wanted Terrorists' List

Joanne Chesimard, a member of the Black Liberation Army who killed a New Jersey state trooper 40 years ago and has since fled to Cuba, was named one of the FBI's Most Wanted Terrorists, becoming the first woman ever to appear on the list. What do you think?

I'm sure some hardworking male terrorist lost his spot just so the FBI could make a point.


Amy Yerkes

Frankly, they're not doing enough. Fifty percent of those terrorists need to be women before I'll be satisfied.


Juan Pablo Ayala

But I bet she doesn't make as much money as all the men on that list.


Alexandra Bozian

Suicide Rate Up Sharply Among Middle-Aged

According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, the suicide rate among Americans between the ages of 35 and 64 increased by 28 percent between 1999 and 2010. What do you think?

They're just going through a phase. Let it pass.


Roderick Callesen

Speaking for myself, I'd say the suicide rate has stayed about the same.


Christophe Bettenfeld

Man Creates Functional Gun On 3D Printer

Cody Wilson, founder of the libertarian nonprofit Defense Distributed, has created a functional plastic gun on a 3D printer that uses standard handgun rounds, demonstrating that anyone with such technology can make their own largely undetectable and untraceable firearm. What do you think?

That's what the government gets for making regular guns so difficult to acquire.


Eva Zarrouk

Sounds cool, but I'd probably rather just buy a real gun than trying to figure out how to set up another printer.


Anne Vergallo

PETA Attacks Chris Christie For Killing Spider

After New Jersey governor Chris Christie posted a video online of him squishing a spider with his hand while meeting with a group of children, the president of PETA issued a response chiding Christie for not thinking about the spider's worth as a living being. What do you think?

How quickly PETA forgets the topless poster that Christie posed in for them in '07.


Oliver Kassovitz

Too bad there wasn't a political cartoonist on hand to write something on the spider, like 'deficit' or something.


Alexander Bonnet

Parents Urged To Suck Infants' Pacifiers To Prevent Allergies

A study found that parents could help prevent allergies in their infants by sucking on their children's pacifiers before returning them to the kids, thereby introducing them to a variety of oral bacteria and aiding their immune system development. What do you think?

Owning a baby just keeps getting grosser and grosser.


Aurora Roland

It's been quite a while since I've sucked on a pacifier. But not quite as long as you might hope.


Steph Brackhagen

SC Voters Forgive Sanford For 'Appalachian Trail' Affair

Four years after famously lying to his staff and constituents that he was hiking the Appalachian Trail, when in actuality he was visiting his secret Argentine lover, former South Carolina governor Mark Sanford won a special congressional election yesterday. What do you think?

It's a sad day for our country when elections are no longer decided by how many affairs each candidate has had.


Jean-Pierre Fontaine

Well, if we can count on South Carolina voters for one thing, it's making the right decision.


Kenneth Roger

Did he ever get a chance to check out that trail? I hear it's beautiful.


Edward Floret

Billions Of Cicadas Begin Swarming East Coast

After 17 years underground, as many as one trillion so-called Brood II cicadas are beginning to emerge along the East Coast for their brief two- to four-week adulthood, during which time they will sing, feed, mate, and lay eggs. What do you think?

God, I'm getting sick of those things. Every single fucking 17 years.


Patricia Deschamps

Myself, I've always enjoyed Brood I much more.


Lionel Tracy

What a coincidence. I'm also thinking of emerging on the East Coast to feed and hopefully mate.


Albert Calvo

78,000 Apply For One-Way Trip To Mars

The Dutch nonprofit Mars One, which hopes to send a small group of humans on a one-way mission to establish a colony on the surface of Mars in 2022, has received applications from 78,000 people who are willing to leave Earth and never come back. What do you think?

I'd be willing to hold down the fort here if everyone wanted to go.


Marc Lin

78,000 Apply For One-Way Trip To Mars

They'll need a brash leader, a sexy female chemist, an eccentric mechanic, and a mysterious stowaway, but could they use an out-of-work insurance actuary?


Anya Zylberfain

78,000 Apply For One-Way Trip To Mars

Is there something wrong here on Earth? Everything seems pretty good to me.


Spencer Simeon

Black Voting Rate Surpassed White Voting Rate In 2012

According to Census Bureau data, 66.2 percent of eligible African-American voters turned out to cast a ballot in the 2012 election, compared to 64.1 percent of eligible Caucasian voters, the first time on record that blacks have surpassed whites in voter turnout rate. What do you think?


Valerie Spinola

Is it time we finally take minority voters seriously? Because I'm not going to do that.


Dean Weber

Black people have all the power in this country.


Frederick Kopp

Florida Restaurant Discontinues Lion-Meat Tacos

After coming under fire by animal rights activists and receiving numerous threats, the Tampa, FL restaurant Taco Fusion decided to discontinue its $35 taco made with meat from a lion. What do you think?

Ugh. You never actually know what kind of meat they put in these $35 tacos.


Raymond Spendlove

Why are we eating these majestic animals when they could be in the circus where they belong?


Carla Jean Lampman

Oh, I can't eat Mexican food. Too spicy.


Claude Wessel

Dog Owners Have Healthier Hearts

The American Heart Association officially announced that people who owned pets, particularly dogs, appeared to have a reduced risk of heart disease and had better survival rates than those without pets. What do you think?

Yeah, yeah. Just make a dog in pill form and give me a prescription.


Zoe Umansky

Dog Owners Have Healthier Hearts


Bruno Valton

Dog Owners Have Healthier Hearts

They're very calming. I'm usually asleep within two minutes of seeing a dog.


Susanna Carlyle

Barbara Walters Announces Retirement

Barbara Walters, who broke gender barriers by becoming the first woman to anchor a national nightly newscast, announced that she will retire from broadcasting in 2014 after more than 50 years on television. What do you think?


Simon Speer

Barbara Walters Announces Retirement

I'd just like to announce that the Barbara Walters fan page will carry on stronger than ever despite today's sad news.


Darren Beaufoy

Barbara Walters Announces Retirement

But without Barbara around, The View is going to descend into banal topics and pointless commentary.


Juan Marquez

IRS Targeted Conservative Groups For Scrutiny

The IRS is said to have targeted conservative and Tea Party–affiliated groups for tax scrutiny, seeking out organizations that focused on the national debt and those that aimed to influence citizens regarding how to make America a better place to live. What do you think?

People might have a hard time liking the IRS after this.


Cathy Swain

Look, if you're running around saying you want to make America a better place to live, you've got to expect some backlash.


Brendan Rutter

Well, if there's one group that can laugh off an abuse of power by the federal government and move on, it's the Tea Party.


Audrey Colter

2 Meteorites Hit Connecticut

Less than three weeks after a small meteorite struck a house in the Connecticut town of Wolcott, a second meteorite was found to have hit a home less than a mile away in the town of Waterbury, with scientists suggesting the two may have fallen in the same event. What do you think?

Oh my God, what if there are other meteors out there?


Frankie Schneider

2 Meteorites Hit Connecticut

One more and I'll have to update my hilarious 'You know you're from Connecticut when…' list.


Rufus Delbonnel

2 Meteorites Hit Connecticut

Lucky. Our home just gets showered in jet waste.


Anne Pasolini

House GOP Votes To Curb Obamacare For 37th Time

For the 37th time since they assumed control of the House of Representatives in 2011, Republican congressmen will hold a vote this week aimed at curtailing, defunding, or repealing the Affordable Care Act. What do you think?

It's almost like this thing is becoming political.


Julian Freeman

And people call this the do-nothing Congress.


Niall Figgis

Exciting! I can't wait to see the results!


Gordon Lonsdale

Minnesota Legalizes Gay Marriage

Following Rhode Island and Delaware, which approved same-sex unions earlier this month, Minnesota became the 12th state in the nation to legalize gay marriage Tuesday. What do you think?


Ronald Fishwick

Minnesota Legalizes Gay Marriage


Isobel Maduemezia

Minnesota Legalizes Gay Marriage


Nikita Nikolic

Venezuela Running Out Of Toilet Paper

Government mismanagement has left toilet paper in short supply in Venezuela, causing long lines to form throughout the country to purchase the rapidly dwindling item, and prompting lawmakers to call for the immediate importation of 50 million rolls. What do you think?

See, this is why Chavez was such a huge proponent of bidets.


Dennis Fogarty

Venezuela Running Out Of Toilet Paper

They better make sure it's two-ply or they'll end up right back where they started in a week.


Peter Houseman

Venezuela Running Out Of Toilet Paper

What are they, a bunch of fragile flowers? Just use coffee filters like everyone else who runs out.


Giles Gottlieb

Google Launches Subscription Music Service

Google unveiled a new streaming music service Wednesday called Google Play Music All Access to compete against Spotify and Pandora, though it will notably not offer users a free option. What do you think?

Just the other day, I was wondering where I could listen to music online but pay for it.


Ben Roope

I don't like streaming services. There's just nothing quite like owning the original MP3.


Tessa Langan

That's great news for people like me whose pockets are bulging from excess money in a most unsightly manner.


Jack Doubleday

Obama's Second Term Mired In Scandal

President Obama's second term is off to a rocky start, with the acting IRS chief stepping down, the Justice Department seizing journalists' phone records, and Republicans continuing to allege a high-level cover-up of the Benghazi attack last September. What do you think?

Plus there was that whole thing with Michelle getting bangs.


Felicity Griffiths

Obama's Second Term Mired In Scandal

Hey, have you thought about adding '-gate' to the end of all those?


Ian Edwards

Obama's Second Term Mired In Scandal

Oops! You forgot to mention the authorization of drone attacks that kill hundreds of innocent people.


Ross Bottomley

Marijuana Smokers Skinnier

According to new research, pot smokers have smaller waist circumferences and have higher levels of good HDL cholesterol than those who do not use marijuana, even after controlling for other factors such as age, sex, and level of physical activity. What do you think?

I knew it! Not smoking pot has made me obese.


Vinny Worley

Marijuana Smokers Skinnier

We get it, medical community. Stop stuffing marijuana down our throats.


Jocelyn Crane

Marijuana Smokers Skinnier

Hmm, did they happen to say anything about sniffing markers?


Gus Agnew

Electrically Stimulating Brain May Improve Math Skills

According to a new study, individuals who struggle with mathematics saw a notable increase in their ability to learn and retain arithmetic concepts when a mild current was sent into their brains by a pair of electrodes. What do you think?

Finally, a practical solution to the inconvenience of using a calculator.


Leon Tapsfield

So, first you get your brain shocked, then you get to take a math test? Where can I sign up for this study?


Emma Wyatt-Pike

I'm not surprised. Everyone on the math team knows Archie Pendleton's been 'troding for years.


Robert Hogan

Yahoo Buying Tumblr For $1.1 Billion

As part of CEO Marissa Mayer's strategy to expand the company's social and mobile presence and attract younger users, Yahoo will purchase the popular blogging service Tumblr for $1.1 billion in cash. What do you think?

I think they could have gotten it for $900 million.


Henry Kozlowski

Yahoo Buying Tumblr For $1.1 Billion

Shit. I hope Marissa Mayer still lets us blog from home.


Peggy Meillon

Yahoo Buying Tumblr For $1.1 Billion

Ooh, I hope they like my Tumblr about dolphins!


H. Clay Singer

American Consumers Happiest Since 2007

Americans' confidence in the U.S. economy reached its highest level since July 2007, according to the latest reading of a leading consumer sentiment index. What do you think?

Not me. Still on Wellbutrin. Still cutting.


Kerry Blinco

American Consumers Happiest Since 2007

Not surprising. Who doesn't love an anemic stabilization with persistently high unemployment after an economic downturn?


Graham Rackman

American Consumers Happiest Since 2007

Probably because they replaced all those space-wasting Borders bookstores with places where you could buy useful things, like Boost Mobile stores.


Dale Blum

Apple Dodged Billions In Taxes

Apple CEO Tim Cook was questioned by lawmakers today, following a congressional report that showed how the company used a complex web of offshore subsidiaries to keep the IRS from taxing at least $74 billion of its earnings over the past four years. What do you think?

Well, at least they're the only company doing it.


Victor Totos

Apple Dodged Billions In Taxes

That must be how they keep their prices so low.


Amanda Turnbull

Apple Dodged Billions In Taxes

You get 'em, Congress. Just because you created loopholes doesn't mean companies should take advantage of them!


Annette Francine

Photos Of Bin Laden's Body To Stay Secret

A federal court ruled that the government does not have to release photographs of the body of Osama bin Laden taken after he was shot dead in 2011, claiming the images could incite violence against the U.S. What do you think?

Maybe they could lighten the mood a bit by drawing a big handlebar mustache or some eyeglasses on him in the photo?


Roger Cole

This is America; my right to salacious entertainment should trump any concerns about national security.


Trevor Bucossi

If the U.S. government ends up covertly assassinating me after a decade-long manhunt, I'd appreciate they not show those photos either, please.


Ralph Metzman

Childhood ADHD Linked To Obesity Later In Life

A study found that 41 percent of males who were diagnosed with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder in elementary school were classified as obese at age 41, compared to just 22 percent among those with no history of the condition. What do you think?


Sue Lombard

God damn it, why does everything have to make me fat?


Mel Kivel

NASA Developing 3D Food Printer

Aiming to feed astronauts efficiently on long space missions in the future, NASA has awarded a $125,000 grant to develop a printer that can create three-dimensional food items, which will use cartridges containing edible powders that have a shelf life of 30 years. What do you think?

Ooh, if I were one of the astronauts, I'd make everything into a fun otter shape.


Dick Holmes

NASA Developing 3D Food Printer

It's kind of heartening to know that, just like us, future astronauts will be eating complete shit as well.


Deirdre Lounsbery

NASA Developing 3D Food Printer

I usually try not to eat anything that's more than five years old.


Doug Fardon

U.S. Admits To Killing Americans In Drone Strikes

The government confirmed for the first time that it has killed Americans in strikes by unmanned aerial drones, killing four U.S. citizens in Yemen and Pakistan, including radical cleric Anwar Al-Awlaki. What do you think?

Ha. At that rate it'll take forever to kill all of us.


Marcus Voeten

The death of fellow citizen Anwar Al-Awlaki was a terrible blow to our local PTA, not to mention our bowling team.


Gretchen La Costa

Good thing it was an unmanned drone. It'd be terrible if someone had to live with that guilt.


Ian Rau

Obama Vows To Wind Down War On Terror

After more than a decade of war, President Obama stated yesterday that the U.S. should limit drone strikes, close the Guantánamo Bay detention facility, and repeal the Authorization for Use of Military Force that was enacted after Sept. 11, 2001. What do you think?


Phillipa Peltzer

Obama Vows To Wind Down War On Terror

It's been a great one-and-a-half-trillion-dollar run.


P.J. Tickner

Obama Vows To Wind Down War On Terror

As a great man once said, mission accomplished.


Colin Stiven

Boy Scouts To Allow Gay Members, Ban Gay Leaders

The Boy Scouts of America voted during their annual meeting yesterday to allow the admittance of openly gay youths into the scouting program, while maintaining the organization's ban on homosexual adults as scout leaders. What do you think?

Big deal. I was in the scouts 30 years ago and was gay as gay can be.


JoAnn Moriceau

But the gay scoutmasters know all the hip new knots.


Edward Boyd

Good. Now get out there and sell some popcorn!


Tracy Hall

Graphic Lesbian Film Wins Top Prize At Cannes

The highest prize at the Cannes Film Festival was awarded to the romance film Blue Is The Warmest Color: The Life Of Adele, a coming-of-age story about a 15-year-old girl and her older lesbian lover that features long, explicit lesbian sex scenes. What do you think?

Isn't this the plot of every movie that wins at Cannes?


Tom Weatherbe

Normally I'd have no interest in some foreign coming-of-age chick flick, but something about this one intrigues me.


Luis De La Torre

That jury won't be so high on this film once those credit card charges start popping up.


Richard Judge

Crazy' Ants Swarm Across Southeastern U.S.

An invasive species known as crazy ants is rapidly crowding out fire ant species in the Southeast, causing havoc by invading homes, nesting in walls, and damaging appliances and electrical equipment by swarming inside of them. What do you think?

We need to, as a society, understand why our ants have gone crazy.


Yvonne Cowland

The caste system, the slave raids, the polymorphism—being an ant is enough to drive anyone crazy.


Barry Kelly

Shit. That's better than crazy skeeters, though.


Renee Brinkerhoff

Chinese Hackers Steal Top U.S. Weapons Designs

Chinese hackers reportedly gained access to the designs of more than two dozen highly advanced U.S. weapons, including ballistic missile defense systems, fighter jets, and helicopters. What do you think?

It's actually kind of a compliment when you think about it.


Ozzie Gonzales

Quick! Abort Operation: Secret Chinese War! Abort! Abort!


Ricardo Pentangelo

Google Blimps To Bring Wi-Fi To Emerging Countries

Google is reportedly seeking to build a network of high-altitude blimps to transmit wireless internet signals across sub-Saharan Africa and Southeast Asia, with each blimp capable of offering Wi-Fi access over several hundred square miles of land. What do you think?

Can we just have blimps without the gimmick?


Loretta Trim

I wonder if the current infrastructure can even support that many noobs.


Rodney Cornell

Nice PR stunt. Maybe I'll try their search engine sometime.


Ray Bahmet

Michele Bachmann Leaving Congress

Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-MN), a Tea Party conservative who ran for president last year and an outspoken critic of President Obama, confirmed that she will not seek a fifth term in Congress in 2014. What do you think?

I just hope Minnesota can find someone else as good as her.


Mark Foote

Michele Bachmann Leaving Congress

Maybe now she can finally let her hair down and be herself.


Michelle Nix

Michele Bachmann Leaving Congress

Hopefully there'll be some sort of media outlet in which she can still express her opinions.


Todd Higgins

$200K Raised To Buy Video Of Toronto Mayor Smoking Crack

An IndieGoGo project created by Gawker has reached its $200,000 goal, with the intention of purchasing a video from a self-proclaimed member of the Toronto drug scene that allegedly shows Toronto mayor Rob Ford smoking crack. What do you think?

Meanwhile, my Kickstarter to just buy some crack stands at zero dollars.


Leigh Boyle

I'd be glad to send them a clip of my kid's principal smoking a cigarette at the football game.


Bernard Ward

Even if the video doesn't exist, it just felt great giving money to Gawker.


Ray Bahmet

Michele Bachmann Leaving Congress


Mark Foote

Michele Bachmann Leaving Congress


Michelle Nix

Michele Bachmann Leaving Congress


Cynthia Harvey

Chinese Buy America's Largest Pork Producer

To satisfy China's growing demand for pork as its middle class expands, the Chinese company Shanghui International Holdings is buying the American company Smithfield Foods, the world's largest pork producer, for $4.7 billion. What do you think?

Fuck, what if they take all the juiciest back fat?


Rod Wenger

Anyone who's had the pork fried rice at Shanghai Kitchen knows those pigs are in good hands.


Gerald Croteau

Nothing says 'I've made it' like a mouthful of pig meat.


Marley Lyster

Sherpas May Add Ladder At Top Of Everest

Aiming to ease congestion and increase the number of climbers they can take to the top of the mountain, Sherpa guides are considering adding a ladder to the nearly vertical 40-foot final ascent at the peak of Mount Everest. What do you think?

They want you to climb a 40-foot ladder? That's terrifying!


Brian Croughwell

Someone slipping off one of those icy rungs is a lawsuit just waiting to happen.


Jose Mata

Larry King To Host Show On Russian TV

Larry King, the legendary 79-year-old news personality who retired from CNN in 2010, will host a new public affairs talk show called Politics With Larry King on the Russian state-funded television network RT starting in June. What do you think?

I'm just not sure Russians will be able to understand Larry's hip, modern American sensibilities.


Shari Elvin

Larry King To Host Show On Russian TV

But will he be able to hold his own bantering with stars like Julia Vysotskaya and Natalya Bochkareva?


Tim Gilmore

Larry King To Host Show On Russian TV

I'd always hoped Larry would die on American television.


Hector Zacapa

13-Year-Old Wins National Spelling Bee On Word 'Knaidel'

After coming in third place the past two years, 13-year-old Arvind Mahankali won the Scripps National Spelling Bee last night on the word knaidel, a German-derived Yiddish word that means matzo ball. What do you think?

I bet that kid is really annoying to text with.


Stan MacKinnon

Fuck. I put all my money on Vanya Shivashankar.


Judy Dabe

I'm not impressed. Once you find out it's a German-derived Yiddish word, it's clear as day how to spell it.


Tripp Sandin

4 In 10 U.S. Households Headed By Female Breadwinners

According to U.S. Census data, women are now the sole or primary income-earners in 40 percent of American households with children below the age of 18, which is up from 11 percent in 1960. What do you think?

Sure. But I still decide what movie we go see on Friday night.


Larry Horneff

I just wish my old lady would stop mentioning her salary during lovemaking.


Bob Guiry

All my lazy wife does is sit around the house being eight-and-a-half months pregnant.


Lester Murray

After Earth' Bombs At Box Office

After Earth, a sci-fi adventure starring Will Smith and his son Jaden and featuring a Scientology-related narrative, took in just $27 million last weekend, a small fraction of its $135 million budget and the $100 million Sony spent on marketing. What do you think?

It's kind of nice when terrible movies don't do well.


Jim Allen

After Earth' Bombs At Box Office

But it has everything: an arrogant child actor being thrust on us by showbiz parents, M. Night Shyamalan, and Scientology.


Elise Forsythe

After Earth' Bombs At Box Office

If they wanted people to come see it, they should have just said so. We're not mind readers!


Tad Pollard

Supreme Court: Police Can Take DNA During Arrests

The Supreme Court ruled 5-4 that police can swab a suspect for DNA during an arrest—though prior to any trial or potential conviction—in cases of a serious offense, with Justice Antonin Scalia joining three liberal justices in dissent. What do you think?

I should get arrested with my son to see if he's really mine.


Alexander Mitchum

Wait, only 'serious offenses'? Then why did that meter maid run her finger along the inside of my mouth?


Rebecca Kane

Looks like Scalia is just another traitor. By my count, that's nine traitors on the Supreme Court.


Aaron Johansen

App Claims It Can 'Cure' Homosexuality In 60 Days

A free app created by the non-denominational Christian ministry Setting Captives Free that claimed it could release users from the bondage of homosexuality in 60 days was removed from the iTunes store after widespread public outcry. What do you think?


Steven Freola

If it shows me when other closeted homosexuals are nearby, I guess I'll check it out.


Marsha Glover

That's the best news I've heard since that one app made me gay in eight weeks.


Rose Bromilow

Oklahoma Tornado Was Largest In U.S. History

The tornado that struck El Reno, OK last Friday was the widest tornado ever recorded at 2.6 miles in diameter, leaving a trail of destruction 16.2 miles long. What do you think?

Come on, America. We can beat this record.


Guy Tuerpe

No one believed me, but I knew that thing was going to be huge the second it became 2 miles wide.


Antonio Paradiso

A 16.2-mile path of destruction? Sounds like teenagers to me.


Patti Farr

Marriages That Begin Online More Satisfying

A study found that more than one-third of new marriages in the United States between 2005 and 2012 began online, and that these marriages were more satisfying and less likely to end in divorce than ones that started offline. What do you think?


Ron Goulet

Thanks. I wasn't sure I should marry this woman I met online, but now I totally will.


Harry Retton

It's a shame that those people will never get to experience the romance of just writing to a random penitentiary inmate and seeing what happens.


Bob Jarchow

Extinct Lizard Named After Jim Morrison

The largest plant-eating lizard ever discovered, a 6-foot, 60-pound species that lived between 36 and 40 million years ago, has been named Barbaturex morrisoni in honor of the late Doors frontman Jim Morrison, who referred to himself as The Lizard King. What do you think?

Getting extinct species named after them is what The Doors were all about.


Shirley Trainor

Extinct Lizard Named After Jim Morrison

By 38 million years ago, everyone could already see it was destroying itself.


Stuart Blasucci

Extinct Lizard Named After Jim Morrison


Al Steedman

Government Collects Citizens' Phone Records

According to a top secret court ruling issued at the request of the FBI, Verizon has been ordered to hand over mobile and landline phone records of all of its customers to the National Security Agency. What do you think?

As long as the phone numbers are listed numerically and not by what they spell out, I should be fine.


Paul Hammer

I hope the FBI rewards me for my savvy use of nighttime and weekend minutes.


Brooke Hall

U.S. Operating Massive Online Spying Program

The National Security Agency admitted to accessing the databases of many of the largest internet companies including Google, Facebook, Apple, and Skype, allowing the agency to mine the contents of emails, photos, videos, chats, and other online data. What do you think?

It's nice to see Republicans and Democrats sneaking around together on this.


Winfred Malick

I give up on America. Ah, who am I kidding—I'm not going to leave. Never mind. I'll stay. Woo, America! Forget I said anything.


Vern Polo

As long as they're using the information to learn about my tastes and then cater specific NSA products my way, I'm fine with it.


Hugh Byron

Susan G. Komen Cancels Half Its Breast Cancer Races

Susan G. Komen for the Cure, which is known for its ubiquitous pink-laden breast cancer awareness campaigns, has canceled its three-day charity races next year at seven of its 14 sites around the U.S. due to low participation. What do you think?

At last, I can wear pink for purely selfish reasons.


Jodie Brocksmith

The rest of them will just have to run farther.


Eric Isaacs

I was really looking forward to them, since the walks for Muscular Dystrophy have become such sausage fests.


Clyde Bruneau

'Archie' To Become Live-Action Film

Warner Bros. Pictures will produce a live-action movie based on the 72-year-old Archie comics franchise, portraying the characters of Archie, Veronica, Betty, and Jughead in a modern-day version of Riverdale. What do you think?

Good. I like to know what kind of crap is coming out as far ahead of time as possible.


Carmen Vazquez

'Archie' To Become Live-Action Film

It'll be refreshing to see a comic book adaptation that doesn't involve superheroes, loud explosions, or characters that anyone remembers.


Willie Savard

'Archie' To Become Live-Action Film

That's great! And here I was, about to go home and kill myself.


Dale Hartman

NSA Whistleblower Flees To Hong Kong

Edward Snowden, a 29-year-old contractor working for the National Security Agency, has taken credit for leaking top-secret documents to the press regarding the NSA's phone and internet surveillance, and has fled to Hong Kong to avoid prosecution. What do you think?

Any excuse to visit The Jewel of the East.


Jeffrey Greist

NSA Whistleblower Flees To Hong Kong

He's still in his 20s. You always want to get that leaking-highly-classified-intelligence-data stuff out of your system in your 20s.


Janice Leopardi

NSA Whistleblower Flees To Hong Kong

The NSA probably would have fired him anyway.


Christopher Victor

Vladimir Putin Divorcing Wife

Russian President Vladimir Putin and Lyudmila, his wife of almost 30 years who was rarely seen in public, announced their joint decision to divorce last week. What do you think?


Henry Murphy

Vladimir Putin Divorcing Wife

Great. Another president to compete with on the dating scene.


Claudia Seider

Vladimir Putin Divorcing Wife

That explains the change in his KhoroshoCupid status.


Ned Shaw

Hillary Clinton Joins Twitter

Former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, who is considered the frontrunner for the 2016 presidential election, joined Twitter yesterday under the handle @HillaryClinton. What do you think?

I'm not sure if America's ready to retweet a woman.


Ernie Longo

Hillary Clinton Joins Twitter

Joining Twitter is the sign of a true leader.


Joy Jones

Hillary Clinton Joins Twitter

See, a smart candidate like her knows to hop on board the hottest social networking site within seven years of its existence.


Marc Coleman

George W. Bush's Approval Rating Highest In 8 Years

George W. Bush's approval rating has climbed to its highest level since 2005 and he is now seen more positively than President Barack Obama, with 49 percent of Americans viewing the former president favorably and 46 percent viewing him unfavorably. What do you think?

He really started growing on me when I stopped seeing and hearing him.


Dorothea Brentley

I'm sure that's based on a sober-headed reevaluation of his specific policies and accomplishments.


Kirk Glass

Most Americans Okay With NSA Surveillance

A poll found that 56 percent of Americans believe the NSA's collection of phone record data is acceptable, saying that the government's need to protect against a terrorist attack outweighed citizens' right to privacy. What do you think?


Janine Brockett

You watch—the terrorists will have different poll numbers that say exactly the opposite.


Tom Rivera

If it stops me from becoming a terrorist, I'm all for it.


Gabriel Cuppari

Facebook Adds Hashtags

Facebook began adding hashtag functionality to its website yesterday, allowing users to turn any posted word into a link by placing a pound sign in front of it, which, when clicked, brings up a feed of all posts bearing that hashtag. What do you think?

Yet another testament to the power of prayer!


Andrew Chapek

Facebook Adds Hashtags

Great! Now I can find out how everyone spent their Friday night and not just the people I know!


Cindy O'Malley

Facebook Adds Hashtags


George Cass

Bloomberg Proposes NYC Climate Change Protection Plan

Anticipating powerful storms and rising sea levels due to climate change, Mayor Michael Bloomberg unveiled a $20 billion long-term plan that includes building massive floodwalls and creating a man-made island to help shield New York City from extreme weather. What do you think?

Long-term plans? That's not the America I know.


Katie Lesniak

There Bloomberg goes again, taking away my freedom of choice to die in a storm.


Sean McCray

Longest-Living Man In Recorded History Dies At 116

Jiroemon Kimura, a Japanese man who was born in April 1897, died Wednesday of pneumonia in his hometown at the age of 116, making him the oldest male known to have ever lived. What do you think?

Those last 30 years can't have been fun.


Mike Newell

For the love of God, please tell me a morning news show asked him his secret!


Lee Walczuk

NSA: Surveillance Thwarted 'Dozens' Of Terrorist Acts

The NSA chief claimed that his agency's phone and internet surveillance programs had stopped dozens of acts of terrorism, and the FBI director added that, had the programs been in place at the time, the government could have also prevented the 9/11 attacks. What do you think?

They don't have to convince me. I'll support anything!


Vinita Eddy

It comforts me to know there's a horrifying reason for my total loss of privacy.


Melinda Duff

Kim Kardashian, Kanye West Have Daughter

Kanye West and Kim Kardashian welcomed a healthy daughter into the world Saturday, with the newborn weighing in at less than 5 pounds and the parents saying they would choose a name that begins with the letter K. What do you think?

If only we could catch a glimpse of her someday.


Rick Welling

I hope whatever name they choose for her is kind of weird.


Troy Martin

My baby weighed more than Kanye West's baby! Did you hear that, world? My baby weighed more than Kanye West's baby!


Jerome Surratt

More White Americans Dying Than Being Born

According to the U.S. Census Bureau, for the first time in modern history, more white Americans are dying than being born, with whites predicted to fall below 50 percent of the population by 2043. What do you think?

Of all the whites, I will miss Bill the most.


Natalie Barckhoff

Our scarcity will only increase our value.


James Leichenko

Can't answer, on my way to my wedding! My beloved Katie and I can't wait to start a family and…unnngh! Urrrgh! Ohhh… c-can't … breathe … having … massive … heart … attack.


Seth Folsey

Supreme Court Blocks Arizona Voter ID Law

The Supreme Court struck down a controversial Arizona law yesterday that required residents to provide proof of U.S. citizenship in order to register to vote, noting that the rule had kept thousands of citizens off voter rolls because they lacked passports or drivers licenses. What do you think?

Why on earth would Arizona enact a law like that? Don't they want everyone to vote?


Rhonda Klopper

But providing proof of citizenship was what set me apart. That was my whole thing.


Josh Ruscio

I don't care if you're a citizen or not. If you can't drive, you shouldn't be allowed to vote.


Alexander Schmidt

Mick Jagger's Hair Up For Auction

A British auction house will sell several locks of Mick Jagger's hair, which are expected to fetch between $2,300 and $3,100, and which are said to date back to the mid-1960s, when the grandmother of a woman who was then dating the Rolling Stones frontman took some of his hair without his knowledge. What do you think?

I learned a long time ago that unless you're getting the whole scalp, never pay more than $1,200 for hair.


June Hunt

Mick Jagger's Hair Up For Auction

I've got the perfect spot for it next to Jerry Garcia's finger.


Joe Barnathan

Mick Jagger's Hair Up For Auction

Damn it! I also had samples of Jagger's hair, but I stupidly mixed them in with a big bag of hair.


Ron Diamantopoulos

U.S. To Hold Peace Talks With Taliban

American and Taliban leaders confirmed yesterday that they would meet face-to-face this week in the Taliban's newly opened political office in Qatar to discuss a formal peace agreement to end the 12-year war in Afghanistan. What do you think?

Middle East peace talks! That's a great idea!


Valentina Esposito

U.S. To Hold Peace Talks With Taliban

Oh no, now we're going to get a reputation of being a country that folds after only 10 to 15 years of pointless fighting.


Bryce Milars

U.S. To Hold Peace Talks With Taliban


Heidi Meehan

Study: Media Biased In Support Of Gay Marriage

A survey found that media stories that focused on support for same-sex marriage appeared five times more often than those that focused on opposition to the issue, while responses on Twitter were far more evenly divided between the supporting and opposing camps. What do you think?

Shit, I wondered how I became so tolerant.


Kyle Lipinski

I believe @gayH8r brings an especially unique perspective to the debate.


Allan Fox

Oh, who are we kidding? Gay marriage is wrong, isn't it?


Margo Leder

Nation's Doctors Classify Obesity As Disease

At their annual meeting this week, the American Medical Association officially recognized obesity, which affects about a third of all Americans, as a disease. What do you think?

So the first lady has just been hassling a bunch of sick kids?


Lewis Pontrelli

I hope this means I can get my insurance company to pay for some wider pants.


Terry Chooljian

Fat people don't deserve any more sympathy than they already get.


George Curfman

Government Admits To Using Drones In U.S.

FBI Director Robert Mueller admitted yesterday that his agency uses unmanned aerial vehicles for surveillance within the United States, stating that the agency's drones are used very seldom and in a very minimal way. What do you think?

Outrageous. All domestic surveillance vehicles should have people inside.


Jojo Gilliam

Well as long as it's in a 'very minimal way.' Otherwise, can you imagine how unsettling this would be?


Dennis Raschilla

I'm kind of upset about this, but I'm sure they paid a lot of money for those drones, so they should probably get some use out of them.


Celeste DeCristofaro

Paula Deen Admits To Saying N-Word, Racist Jokes

According to a video reportedly obtained by the National Enquirer, Food Network star Paula Deen confessed that she had used the N-word, told racist jokes, and wanted to hire black waiters to play the part of slaves in a wedding she was planning. What do you think?


Lonnie Aguilar

You can't really blame her. The Food Network perpetuates that kind of environment.


Lawrence Obermeyer

Thank God I'm not famous enough where my racism is a problem.


Jeff Stuver

All-Female Jury To Try George Zimmerman

A jury consisting of six women will determine whether George Zimmerman was acting lawfully under Florida's Stand Your Ground law when he shot and killed unarmed 17-year-old Trayvon Martin in his gated community in February 2012. What do you think?


Sam Goss

All-Female Jury To Try George Zimmerman

It is not our place to judge Florida or its bizarre customs.


Irena Soukup

All-Female Jury To Try George Zimmerman

Six women are about to become the best of friends under the unlikeliest of circumstances.


Sid Campbell

Edward Snowden Seeks Asylum In Ecuador

After fleeing Hong Kong, NSA whistleblower Edward Snowden arrived in Moscow, where he is seeking asylum from the government of Ecuador, the same nation that has sheltered Wikileaks founder Julian Assange in its London embassy for over a year. What do you think?

What about Roman Polanski's house? Couldn't the dude go there?


Mario Henriques

Edward Snowden Seeks Asylum In Ecuador

He should take a tour of the Galápagos Islands—spectacular!


Laura O'Quinn

Edward Snowden Seeks Asylum In Ecuador

Assange will totally be the Felix to Snowden's Oscar.


Ronald Suzuki

70% Of Americans Take Prescription Drugs

A report from the Mayo Clinic found that nearly 7 in 10 Americans take at least one prescription medication, and noted that antibiotics, antidepressants, and painkillers were the most frequently prescribed drugs in the U.S. What do you think?

This kind of statistic would really worry me if it wasn't for my Klonopin.


Landon Bolger

That does explain why 30 percent of my friends are either in pain, depressed, or have some body part rotting off.


Jay Milhoan

Obama Announces Major Climate Change Policy

President Obama announced a new effort to combat climate change today, saying he would use executive orders to help cities and states cope with extreme weather, fund renewable energy sources, and cap carbon emissions at power plants. What do you think?

Pardon me, Mr. President, but the Constitution says I can emit as much carbon as I want.


Randy Bromilow

Blew the dust off the ol' climate change speech, eh?


Miranda DeSouza

Fine, you guys don't have to use it. More coal for me.


Damian Lauter

Twinkies Returning To Stores July 15

Emerging from bankruptcy under new ownership, snack food company Hostess announced that its iconic Twinkies will return to store shelves on July 15 with packages bearing the phrase The Sweetest Comeback in the History of Ever. What do you think?

Things just keep looking up for America all the time!


Craig Sanderson

Twinkies Returning To Stores July 15

Time to bring my Twinkie the Kid impression back out of its holster.


Gladys Despotovich

Twinkies Returning To Stores July 15

The sweetest comeback? Have we forgotten Mickey Rourke?


Winnie Frankland

Supreme Court Repeals Defense Of Marriage Act

The Supreme Court struck down the Defense of Marriage Act by a vote of 5-4 today, with moderate justice Anthony Kennedy writing the majority opinion, stating that the law deprived citizens of equal liberty under the Fifth Amendment. What do you think?

I wish I didn't have to move to the right side of history so soon.


Charlie Logan

I'm moving to Canada. But this was a nice bit of news before I start my new job up there.


Dwayne Brickert

There goes the room they have at the bowling alley for wedding receptions.


Sharon Weisser

Paula Deen Loses Ham Endorsement Deal

After it was revealed last week that Paula Deen used racial slurs and made a number of racist jokes, the prominent pork company Smithfield Farms, which boasted a line of Paula Deen–branded hams, has severed its ties with the celebrity chef. What do you think?

What do they need her for anyway? Ham sells itself.


Shawn Pressman

Paula Deen Loses Ham Endorsement Deal

Shoot, I had a great idea for an ad where someone stuffs a Smithfield ham in Paula Deen's mouth whenever she starts to talk about black people.


Conrad Tully

Paula Deen Loses Ham Endorsement Deal

Losing a ham endorsement deal after charges of racism—we've all been there.


Rex Franco

U.S. Home Prices Rise Sharply

According to newly released figures, home prices in the United States rose 12 percent from April 2012 to April 2013, the fastest rate of increase since before the housing crash in 2006. What do you think?

Well now I'll never be able to afford a house without some kind of ridiculous loan.


Lois Stevens

U.S. Home Prices Rise Sharply

But I've had the house where my mom died on the market for more than a year. Maybe I should stop advertising it that way.


Ron Foy

U.S. Home Prices Rise Sharply

I don't understand math, so I'll buy two houses just to be safe.


Gary Archuleta

Texas Executes 500th Prisoner

Convicted murderer Kimberly McCarthy was put to death by lethal injection last night, marking the 500th execution by the state of Texas since the death penalty was reinstated there in 1982. What do you think?

Now is the time for that executioner to ask for a raise.


R. J. Magruder

Texas Executes 500th Prisoner

If they're counting pansy-ass lethal injections as executions, that 500 needs an asterisk.


Janet Ralston

Texas Executes 500th Prisoner


Vance Causey

Senate Passes Immigration Reform Bill

With 14 Republicans joining Democrats, the Senate passed a sweeping immigration reform bill yesterday, which would provide a 13-year path to citizenship for the nation's illegal immigrants, though the bill faces strong opposition from House Republicans. What do you think?

The House is going to block it? Whew, for a second there I thought the system was going to function effectively and without gridlock.


Keith Shannon

Senate Passes Immigration Reform Bill

If this does pass, I can already picture illegal immigrants' smiling faces the day they finally become legal. And boy, do they look old.


Carolyn Badinski

Senate Passes Immigration Reform Bill

Wait, so one house passed it, but now another one has to approve it? Jesus, exactly how many legislative chambers are there?


Al Campos

Monica Lewinsky's Clothes, Negligee Up For Auction

Thirty-two items that belonged to Monica Lewinsky during her time as a White House intern will be auctioned online, including a floor-length black negligee, a letter signed by President Bill Clinton, and a number of articles of clothing. What do you think?

Unfortunately, my memorabilia budget is all tapped out from that Nancy Kerrigan estate sale.


Wes Krakoff

I have authorized my agents to place several bids.


Susan Sonski

Please, please don't bring up anything having to do with Monica Lewinsky. It'll only awaken the deep, unbearable pain and anguish that roiled this country for many years.


Doc Gertz

Government Bans Sugary, Fatty Snacks From Schools

Under the government's new Smart Snacks in Schools guidelines, schools will no longer be allowed to stock vending machines or snack bars with treats exceeding 200 calories or those including trans fats. What do you think?

I'm glad someone's figured out how to say no to my kid.


Marco Fuentes

Anything that deprives students of the smallest amount of pleasure is fine by me.


Leslie Roesch

What's my kid supposed to do with his hands now?


Brian Warren

Study: 95% Of People Don't Wash Hands Correctly

A Michigan State University study, which observed 3,700 people washing their hands in public bathrooms, found that only one in 20 people wash well enough to kill bacteria and other germs, with the other 95 percent not using soap, not scrubbing for the recommended 20 seconds, or not washing at all. What do you think?

I wash my hands when and how I want, and I don't need some egghead telling me different.


Alvin Huffman

That's strange. Usually I wash my hands longer whenever there's a guy standing there with a clipboard and stopwatch.


Gilbert Bleuze

Less Than 1 In 4 Americans Trust Newspapers

A Gallup poll found that only 23 percent of Americans are confident in the information they receive from newspapers, down from a high of 51 percent in 1979. What do you think?


Joyce Willmus

Well, we won't have to worry about them much longer.


Colin Holden

I don't trust any publication that uses paper that flimsy.


Jack Loop

U.S. Celebrates Independence Day

Americans are enjoying the day off with friends and family in celebration of the 237th anniversary of the signing of the Declaration of Independence. How are you celebrating the Fourth of July?

I'll be drinking tall boys and, like every year, honoring the assistance of the French.


Richard Thingvall

U.S. Celebrates Independence Day

I'm going to refuse to eat any cupcake that isn't flag-themed.


Virginia Kemeny

U.S. Celebrates Independence Day

Well, my dog will be scared of the fireworks, so I'll probably just stay under the table with him.


Arif Naser

Sibling Bullying Just As Bad As Peer Bullying

A recent study found that kids who were physically or psychologically bullied by siblings suffered comparable or even worse mental health outcomes than if they were bullied by neighbors or classmates. What do you think?

Really? Because I always thought about how neat it'd be if the bully at my school lived in the same house where I slept.


Marvin Benson

In my experience, both sibling and school bullying can be equally effective.


Ruby Dewhurst

But I saw my little brother singing a Cyndi Lauper song into a hairbrush. Am I supposed to let that slide?


Holly Lilyholm

Breastfed Children Achieve Higher Social Status

According to new research, people who were breastfed as infants had higher cognitive development than those who were not breastfed and were 24 percent more likely to increase their social status over their lives, as measured by income and job. What do you think?

Thanks a lot for the image of Warren Buffett suckling.


Robby Ufford

I breastfed right before the ACT and got a 28!


Tom Yamazaki

But in today's job market, just being breastfed isn't enough. It also depends on the shape of the breast and how hard the kid sucked on it.


John DiVincentis

Pilot Had Little Experience Landing Boeing 777

According to airline officials, the pilot of the Asiana Airlines flight that crashed at San Francisco International Airport Saturday had limited experience landing a Boeing 777 jetliner, and had only 43 hours of flying time behind the controls of the plane when he attempted to touch down on the runway. What do you think?

Eh, if you've been flying for 43 hours, you've pretty much seen it all.


Michael Doty

Hasn't this airline suffered enough without their pilots' credentials being called into question?


Erin Bicks

He tried to land that plane, though. That's more than most of us can say.


Maury Olenicoff

Study: Unpaid Internships Don't Lead To Jobs

A recent study found that college seniors who held unpaid internships received essentially the same number of job offers as those who did not, while both groups earned far fewer offers than students who held paid internships. What do you think?

An internship isn't about getting a job, it's about having a consistent source of shelter throughout the day.


Rosemary Hamlisch

Sure, it's unpaid in terms of money, but that's the end of my statement.


Brandon Whalen

Bin Laden Wore Cowboy Hat To Avoid Detection

According to an investigation by the Pakistani government into the death of Osama bin Laden leaked to the public Monday, the former al-Qaeda leader wore a cowboy hat, shaved his beard, and used other tricks to avoid being detected by authorities for nearly 10 years. What do you think?

I do this at work all the time. Throw on a 10-gallon hat and it's like you're not even there.


Jean Hackett

Oh, so that's why the Pakistani government couldn't find him living next to a military base for 10 years.


Peter Kirkwood

I'll bet he looked pretty darn handsome.


Keith Mitchell

Mexico Surpasses U.S. As Fattest Nation

A new report by the United Nations has found that Mexico has overtaken the United States as the most obese nation in the Western Hemisphere, an incline experts have attributed to the proliferation of fast food chains, increasingly sedentary lifestyles, and rising income inequality. What do you think?

But we're still number one in education, right?


Claudia Griffiths

Mexico Surpasses U.S. As Fattest Nation

It's nice to know we dropped in rankings without having to change our lifestyles or dietary habits.


Sam Anderson

Mexico Surpasses U.S. As Fattest Nation

Those Mexicans work harder at everything.


Jerry Rivas

Eliot Spitzer Announces Return To Politics

Eliot Spitzer, who resigned as New York governor in 2008 after admitting that he solicited call girls from a prostitution ring, confirmed this week that he is running for New York City comptroller, asking voters to forgive him for the scandal so he can return to public service. What do you think?

Wow! As if comptroller elections weren't exciting enough to begin with.


Amary Downing

Yet another amoral politician who's willing to say and do anything in his monomaniacal pursuit of the comptrollership.


Russ Llewelyn

What a stand-up thing to do. Hell, I respect him again already.


Ted Kroopf

DirecTV Launching Channel For Dogs

Satellite service provider DirecTV announced this week that beginning in August, the network will broadcast DogTV, a subscription-based channel with 24-hour programming for canines including short segments of green fields, doorbells, vacuum cleaners, and other stimuli. What do you think?

I don't know. My dog has a pretty short attention span.


Jessica Mitchell

DirecTV Launching Channel For Dogs

Do they have anything for turtles? Because mine always looks bored as hell.


Robert Hauser

DirecTV Launching Channel For Dogs

Now I know who that channel is for, but I doubt I'll enjoy it any less.


Beth Ochman

Justin Bieber Apologizes To Clinton For Insults

Following the release of a video showing Justin Bieber urinating in a restaurant mop bucket and saying Fuck Bill Clinton, the Canadian pop star reached out to the former president and apologized for his behavior, tweeting yesterday that the two had spoken personally and that Clinton was a great guy. What do you think?

Sounds like the poor kid just needed some attention.


Craig Winokur

I say all kinds of crazy stuff when I'm peeing in my bucket.


Jessica Covert

Microsoft Announces Major Company Overhaul

In a bid to compete more fiercely with competitors like Apple, Google, and Amazon, Microsoft on Thursday announced a sweeping reorganization, which officials say will help the company react more quickly to changing technology and speed up development of products. What do you think?


Oliver Reilly

Smart. Like all visionary tech companies, they're copying exactly what Apple has been doing for years.


Brian Shannon

I miss the good old days of Microsoft when they didn't care about competing with other companies.


Jen Parsons

Judge: Apple Conspired To Drive Up E-Book Prices

A federal judge this week found Apple, Inc. guilty of conspiring with publishers to drive up the price of e-books by undercutting Amazon.com's dominance of the digital books market, a decision that legal experts say may change the way books are priced and distributed online. What do you think?

It just goes to show that people who pay for things are suckers.


Dave Robinson

This kind of malfeasance is inevitable when you consider all the money to be made in book publishing.


Amos Hardrict

Companies need to stop breaking the law.


Teresa Aiello

Rallies Against Zimmerman Verdict Held Across U.S.

Rallies were held in cities nationwide yesterday and today, as thousands chanted, marched, and wore hooded sweatshirts in protest of the acquittal of George Zimmerman in the shooting death of unarmed 17-year-old Trayvon Martin. What do you think?

I'm sure this would have blown over by now if they just let George Zimmerman show up at one of the rallies to tell his side.


Leonard Walsh

They need to spread their message far and wide. I suggest talking to Mike Bean and the Bean Crew weekday mornings on KWRX.


Claude Greenman

Jeez, people are still mad about that stuff?


Alicia Wilde

Study: Diet Soda Doesn't Aid Weight Loss

A recent study by Purdue University has found that, contrary to popular thinking, drinking diet soda doesn't aid in weight loss, and that its consumption can actually increase the likelihood of obesity and development of precursors to diabetes, cardiovascular disease, and other ailments. What do you think?

So what am I supposed to do now? I have to drink some kind of soda.


Gary Solowitz

Yeah, but look at all those flabby people guzzling from diet soda cans and tell me they're not happy.


Daniel Moyer

Ha, my girlfriend's going to be so pissed! As Coca-Cola's vice president, she's always getting mad about this kind of stuff.


Robin Weaver

Texas Passes Sweeping Abortion Restrictions

Despite an 11-hour filibuster by state senator Wendy Davis two weeks earlier, the Texas legislature passed strict abortion limits during a special session called by Governor Rick Perry, likely resulting in the closure of all but five of the state's abortion clinics. What do you think?

This is really going to screw up my dream of getting an abortion in all 50 states.


Erin August

Luckily, I still have a number of painful and potentially deadly ways to take care of this myself.


James Barron

Here's a thought experiment: What if men could get pregnant, and what if one hapless scientist had to be the first one to try it?


Chip Diffenderfer

Top Mexican Drug Lord Captured

The kingpin of the extremely brutal Zetas drug cartel, Miguel Angel Trevino Morales, known as Z-40, was captured by Mexican Marines while traveling in a pickup truck containing $2 million in cash as well as his bodyguard and personal accountant. What do you think?


Heather Garcia

Top Mexican Drug Lord Captured

I hope no one rises up to take his place.


Wayne Gomes

Top Mexican Drug Lord Captured


Gabrielle Pacheco

Obese Boy Scouts Banned From National Jamboree

Boy Scouts were required to undergo a body mass index screening to attend this week's National Scout Jamboree, with the most obese being barred from the 10-day gathering, which features such physical activities as hiking, kayaking, and zip-lining. What do you think?

Without question the most important civil rights case of the week.


Wolfgang Horan

Screening? Can't you just look at them and tell?


Leon Kekai

I don't know why anyone's surprised. The National Scout Jamboree was, is, and always will be a glorified beauty contest.


Marylou Keeney

Twin Pandas Born In Atlanta

Lun Lun, a 15-year-old giant panda housed at Zoo Atlanta, gave birth to a pair of twins this week, which join a panda family at the zoo that includes their father, Yang Yang, and two brothers. What do you think?

Oh, good. Finally some new twins for mine to play with.


Phil Slater

Twin Pandas Born In Atlanta

I'm sure Yang Yang's acting all excited, but I bet inside he's totally freaking out.


Toby Winton

Twin Pandas Born In Atlanta

I don't care what species it is, teenagers should not be having kids.


Spencer Lovelady

New Moon Discovered Orbiting Neptune

While studying pictures of Neptune, astronomer Mark Showalter noticed a small white spot that, upon further investigation, was found to be a previously unknown moon, the planet's fourteenth, which will go by the designation S/2004 N 1. What do you think?

Earth is such a one-moon joke of a planet.


Sid Kaminsky

New Moon Discovered Orbiting Neptune

They should name it Anya. I love that name.


Elizabeth Barbanell

New Moon Discovered Orbiting Neptune


Beverly Hoover

CVS, 7-Eleven Ban 'Rolling Stone' Issue Featuring Tsarnaev

Numerous retailers, including CVS, Walgreens, and 7-Eleven, said they will not sell the new issue of Rolling Stone featuring a tousle-haired Dzhokhar Tsarnaev on its cover, which many have protested for treating the Boston Marathon bombing suspect like a celebrity. What do you think?

Finally, the nation's moral arbiters take a decisive stance.


Aaron Woolway

I've been done with them ever since they put Phish on the cover.


Sara Hanable

Pope To Reduce His Twitter Followers' Time In Purgatory

The Vatican will offer indulgences to believers who follow Pope Francis' Twitter account, @pontifex, during next week's World Youth Day, thereby reducing the amount of time these individuals' souls spend in purgatory and allowing them to enter heaven faster. What do you think?

Boy, you can get some great deals on Twitter.


Ron Castro

That's a relief. I have a big week of sinning planned.


Roger Farmer

Has anyone ever considered staging a doctrinal protest against such notions?


Beau King

Detroit Files For Bankruptcy

Detroit became the largest municipality in U.S. history to seek bankruptcy protection yesterday, which will likely force the city to slash government employment, sell assets, and further pare back municipal services. What do you think?

Eh. Hospitals, schools, firemen, police, trash collection, and road maintenance are overrated.


Shaun Rosset

Detroit Files For Bankruptcy

Maybe some kind of harebrained urban farming scheme will help.


Carey Pucci

Detroit Files For Bankruptcy


Harley Whalen

Palace Of Biblical King David Found

A team of Israeli archaeologists claim to have uncovered the ruins of the famed biblical King David's palace near Jerusalem, though some historians and archaeologists dispute the findings and others claim David never existed at all. What do you think?

To confirm that it's David, they should look around for a small stone.


Leora Musgrove

Palace Of Biblical King David Found

Hmm, what's the address of that house they found? Because they should check the Bible to see if it matches up.


Iggy Bly

Palace Of Biblical King David Found

I guess that place in Paterson I thought was King David's belonged to some other guy.


Sunny Eales

Species Of Big-Nosed Dinosaur Unearthed In Utah

Paleontologists have discovered a previously unknown species of dinosaur called Nasutoceratops, a name that translates to large-nosed horned face, which lived during the Cretaceous period and had a distinctive oversize nose and large horns. What do you think?

We've been waiting forever for a new type of dinosaur, and this is what they come up with?


Laird Sill

Oh God, the kids at school always used to call me Nasutoceratops, but I never knew what it meant.


Todd Dutra

The Cretaceous period? Man, that brings me back.


Del Chabria

Batman, Superman To Star In Film Together

Warner Bros. Pictures announced that a sequel to this summer's blockbuster Man of Steel would feature Superman teaming up with Batman, with the film slated to begin production next year. What do you think?

It would be cool if they swapped uniforms.


Owen Sims

It's like Warner Bros. knows what I want before I do.


Beverly Uddo

Good. I've wasted too many years cutting together Superman and Batman Begins into one cohesive film.


Leonard Leblanc

Skipping Breakfast Linked To Heart Attacks

According to a study appearing in the journal Circulation, older men who routinely skipped breakfast had a 27 percent higher risk of a heart attack than those who ate breakfast every morning. What do you think?

That's perfect. I love a good breakfast and I hate heart attacks.


Diane Chesse

I quit reading Circulation after that total hatchet job on Raynaud's Syndrome last summer.


Colleen Stoltz

Study: Dolphins Call Each Other By Name

According to a new study, dolphins call and respond to one another using distinctive, personalized whistles, suggesting the marine mammals use and recognize individual names for each member of their social group. What do you think?

Can't dolphins just let us have this one thing?


Steven Jolly

Study: Dolphins Call Each Other By Name

When they can't remember some dolphin's name, is there a whistle so they can call him Chief?


Drew Goline

Study: Dolphins Call Each Other By Name


Leo Bankins

Anthony Weiner Continued Sexting After Resignation

New York City mayoral candidate Anthony Weiner said he would not drop out of the race after evidence surfaced that he again sent images of his genitals and engaged in lewd chats with a young woman, purportedly under the pseudonym Carlos Danger. What do you think?

That showing your dick to people thing can be tough to quit.


Charlene Yarbrough

What happens between a man and several women and everyone on the internet is none of our business.


Carlos Danger

Is he finally done with all that online nonsense? Because I'd love that username back.


Amber Bean

Calling People Fat Spurs Weight Gain

According to a new study, the discrimination that people face regarding their weight, including stigmatizing, teasing, and name-calling, does not motivate them to shed pounds, and instead increases their risk of obesity later, as many engage in overeating as a coping behavior. What do you think?


Heath Segal

Calling People Fat Spurs Weight Gain

The ironic nickname 'Tiny' doesn't seem to work either.


Taylor McConnell

Calling People Fat Spurs Weight Gain

This is just one study. Let's wait for more data before we all just run out and be nice to people.


Milo Segal

Amanda Bynes Hospitalized After Setting Fire

Authorities in California ordered the involuntary psychiatric hospitalization of embattled 27-year-old former actress Amanda Bynes after she allegedly started a fire in a stranger's driveway, the latest in a string of bizarre behavior. What do you think?

It's terrible to see someone entertain us like this.


Troy Toups

Why are we so quick to criticize liberated, empowered women?


Leah Addica

I liked her more when she wasn't a haunting symbol of mental illness.


Paul Kontomitras

Lincoln Memorial Vandalized With Green Paint

Police closed the Lincoln Memorial early today after discovering that vandals had splattered green paint along the base of the iconic statue of 16th president Abraham Lincoln, as well as on the monument's marble floor. What do you think?

A powerful message that really makes you think.


Clara Sutton

Why do the worst things always happen to the nicest people?


Marshall Urman

Unless someone spray painted green penises, I'm not interested. I'm a busy man and I don't have time for this nonsense.


Bernard Haven

Jane Austen To Appear On British 10-Pound Bill

The celebrated British romantic fiction author Jane Austen, who famously penned Pride and Prejudice and Sense and Sensibility, will appear on Great Britain's new 10-pound note beginning around 2017, replacing Charles Darwin. What do you think?

I don't know what any of those things are.


Carol Montgomery

What a blatant ploy to get people to want money.


Fausto Moreno

Pope Signals Acceptance Of Gay Priests

Pope Francis said today that he would not judge gay priests so long as they are faithful and have good will, claiming that it is Catholic teaching to treat homosexuals with dignity. What do you think?

Ah shit, another group of people I have to treat with dignity.


Paul Eyck

Pope Signals Acceptance Of Gay Priests

This is not the same Catholic Church I grew up with. This one is slightly different.


Yvonne Goode

Pope Signals Acceptance Of Gay Priests


Ritchie Spears

Tall Women At Higher Risk For Cancer

According to a new study, tall postmenopausal women are more likely to develop cancer than shorter women, with researchers finding that every 4-inch increase in height correlated to a 13 percent higher risk of a variety of cancers. What do you think?


Suzanne Chao

Tall Women At Higher Risk For Cancer

As if the WNBA couldn't get any more depressing.


Earl Pedregal

Tall Women At Higher Risk For Cancer

What about women with large breasts? Can we talk about them?


Danny Tooley

Border Patrol Finds Pot On Bieber Tour Bus

U.S. border patrol agents reportedly found marijuana on Justin Bieber's tour bus as it passed from Canada into Detroit Sunday, though Bieber himself was not on the bus at the time and made his scheduled performance later that night. What do you think?


Marjolaine Price

Once you go to the weed, it's over. I've seen friends on that stuff.


John Piper

Who cares about drugs? How was the show?


Roger Mitalas

Israeli-Palestinian Peace Talks Restart In D.C.

Following months of diplomacy by Secretary of State John Kerry, high-ranking officials from Israel and the Palestinian territories resumed direct peace talks Monday in Washington, D.C., the first time the two sides have met in five years. What do you think?


Kim Yergeau

Kerry seems like he wants to help, but mark my words: The man just wants Israel for himself.


Yancy Cosci

Good choice on D.C. Had they picked Switzerland or something then all three guys would've had to buy plane tickets.


Penny Gambetta

Drone Blimps To Protect Washington, D.C.

Within the next year, two 242-foot-long, $2.7 billion helium blimps will be deployed into the skies above Washington, D.C., using advanced radar and computer processing to detect any incoming missiles or other threats headed for the nation's capital. What do you think?

I can't wait to show them to my kids and explain how safe, rather than terrified, they should feel.


Christophe Frederick

Two blimps times 242 feet and $2.7 billion…yeah, the numbers check out.


Grant Zargarpour

And to think that up until now we had to rely on the most expensive missile defense system known to man.


Lorne Thom

Ben & Jerry's–Inspired Porn Barred From Release

Following a legal settlement with Ben & Jerry's, porn studio Caballero Video will not release its Ben & Cherry's line of pornographic videos, featuring such titles as Peanut Butter D-Cup and Boston Cream Thigh, and which used packaging and slogans similar to that of the ice cream company. What do you think?

Oh, like Ben & Jerry's never released an ice cream based on porn.


Sara Eckton

This sets a bad precedent for pornographers with conceptually muddled ideas.


Bruno Conway

Coffee Linked To Lower Suicide Risk

A recent study found that people who drink two to four cups of coffee daily are 50 percent less likely to commit suicide than those who drink fewer than two cups a day, drink decaffeinated coffee, or don't drink coffee at all. What do you think?

This is going to make the people who say they can't live without their coffee all the more insufferable.


Laurie Klamer

Coffee Linked To Lower Suicide Risk

Well, yeah, because you get all that negative energy out by killing all those beans.


Hank Whitlatch

Coffee Linked To Lower Suicide Risk

If only Kurt Cobain would have sampled some of the fine blends Seattle has to offer.


Cynthia Dalva

Edward Snowden Granted Asylum In Russia

The Russian government today granted temporary asylum to Edward Snowden, allowing him to leave Moscow's Sheremetyevo Airport, where he has been staying for more than five weeks, and live freely within Russia for one year. What do you think?


Alec Foy

Edward Snowden Granted Asylum In Russia

I hope this doesn't affect the longstanding warm, trusting partnership we have with Russia.


Scott Snetsinger

Edward Snowden Granted Asylum In Russia

You can't be granted asylum in Russia without visiting Saint Basil's Cathedral!


Jonathan Clarkson

Texas Running Out Of Execution Drug

A spokesman for the Texas Department of Criminal Justice confirmed that the state, which has the nation's highest rate of executions, is running low on the lethal injection drug pentobarbital and would exhaust its supply in September. What do you think?

Texas needs to take a good, hard look at their restocking procedures.


Robin Zola

Texas Running Out Of Execution Drug

They can pass the time by bringing inmates to a series of execution fake-outs.


Bradley Henriques

Texas Running Out Of Execution Drug

Texans are resilient people. I'm sure they'll find a way.


Peter Clough

Armed George Zimmerman Given Warning For Speeding

Two weeks after being acquitted of murder charges in the death of Trayvon Martin, George Zimmerman was pulled over for speeding in Texas, admitting to the police that he was carrying a gun and saying he was going nowhere in particular before being released with just a warning. What do you think?

Wow, he caught a really big break there.


Frederick Driscoll

It's sad that someone of Zimmerman's notoriety didn't have anywhere to go that night.


Leonard Hegedus

Global Warming Making People More Violent

A study published in the journal Science found that extremely hot and dry weather resulted in greater levels of conflict, and posited that for every degree Fahrenheit increase in average temperature, violent crime in the U.S. would rise by 2 to 4 percent. What do you think?


Rob Still

But the hotter it is the more ice cream trucks there will be!


Liz Carr

World's First Lab-Grown Hamburger Tasted

A hamburger made from 20,000 small lab-grown strands of cow muscle, which were cultured from bovine stem cells, was cooked and served today in London, though food critics described the burger as too lean and not juicy enough. What do you think?

Pretty soon we'll all be zipping around on our Segways eating lab burgers.


Chip Butterly

Could a lab-grown Spicy Buffalo Chicken Griller be far behind?


Ricky Damazi

Food critics are always eating hamburgers in their ivory towers.


Brad Bokebza

Japan Launches Talking Robot Into Space

The Japan Aerospace Exploration Agency launched into space a 13-inch talking robot named Kirobo, which will join the crew of the International Space Station and will be used to study how robots can provide emotional support to people kept in isolation for long periods. What do you think?

How far we've come from the days of Rudy, the sock puppet who entertained the crew of Apollo 11 on their long journey.


Alexis Duvic

Japan Launches Talking Robot Into Space

I can already see where this is headed: 16-inch robots.


Aaron Monsour

Japan Launches Talking Robot Into Space

Sometimes you just need someone to hug your leg.


Dawn Galloway

Amazon CEO Buys 'Washington Post' For $250M

Jeff Bezos, the founder and CEO of the world's largest online retailer, Amazon.com, bought The Washington Post and several smaller newspapers for a quarter of a billion dollars. What do you think?

It's kind of comforting to know everything will be owned by one or two people someday.


Joseph Balcomb

He's keeping it all for himself, I'm sure.


Cullen Fife

George W. Bush Undergoes Heart Surgery

Following the discovery of a blockage in one of George W. Bush's arteries during his annual physical, doctors performed successful heart surgery on the former president Monday, inserting a stent to hold open his clogged blood vessel. What do you think?

I hope he's well enough to return to painting soon.


Leigh Marcil

George W. Bush Undergoes Heart Surgery

I hope whoever performed the surgery made it fun and pretended they were torturing him for nuclear codes the whole time.


Buzz Sperry

George W. Bush Undergoes Heart Surgery

Annual physical? Pardon me, Mr. Rockefeller.


Sonya Wren

Mattel, NASA Introduce Mars Explorer Barbie

Marking the one-year anniversary of the Mars rover Curiosity's landing on the red planet, Mattel debuted its new Mars Explorer Barbie developed with the aid of NASA, which features pink boots, a pink oxygen tank, a pink helmet, and a pink-accented form-fitting spacesuit. What do you think?

But astronauts already have enough body-image issues.


David Ooten

Good, a woman's place is in a pink suit exploring an ocean of nothingness.


Calvin Goodson

Obesity Rates Falling Among U.S. Preschoolers

A new report from the CDC found that rates of obesity among preschool-aged children from low-income families fell slightly in 18 states between 2008 and 2011, the first time researchers have seen a decline in decades. What do you think?


Margaret Romano

It's these kinds of marginal improvements that give me not hope exactly, but certainly slightly less dread for the future.


Brent Melhase

Sounds like someone deserves a pizza party!