Nikki Masood

U.S. Ranked Last In Healthcare Rankings Of High-Income Countries

A new report has found that among high-income countries, the U.S. ranks last in access to healthcare, equity, and outcomes, despite spending a far greater share of its economy on health care. What do you think?

I bet that doesn't even include the bullshit I went through with my internist yesterday.


Roy Laczy

Well, of course we'll look bad if you only compare us to functional countries.


Carlos DesJardins

That's okay as long as we still rank first in people pulling themselves up by their bootstraps.


Kevin Urbaniak

FAA Asks Airports To Not Allow Carry-On Booze On Flights

The Federal Aviation Administration is asking airports to stop selling to-go alcohol that passengers can take onto flights, citing a spike in unruly behavior and violence conducted by passengers who drink excessively. What do you think?

If it makes people feel safer, I'll do my drinking on the drive to the airport.


Kristen Pratt

I've had about enough of people begging me to stop drinking.


Deray Wu

Looks like we'll have to remove JetBlue flight 4075 from our upcoming bar crawl.


Randall Swirlsky

Rihanna Officially A Billionaire

According To Forbes, pop star Rihanna is officially a billionaire with a net worth of $1.7 billion, making her the second richest female entertainer in the world behind Oprah Winfrey. What do you think?

Having shelled out the $39 for her Butta Drop Whipped Oil Body Cream, I'm not at all surprised to hear this.


Ollie Decko

Rihanna Officially A Billionaire

This might be the kick in the pants Beyoncé needs to get those quarterly numbers up.


Bess Llorens

Rihanna Officially A Billionaire

We can finally put to bed the myth that an extremely successful pop star can't also make a lot of money.


Brandon Carroll

Target To Pay 100% Of College Tuition In Bid To Attract Workers

Target has announced it will cover the cost of tuition, fees, and textbooks for part- and full-time employees who pursue a qualifying undergraduate degree at select institutions in a bid to attract workers in a competitive labor market. What do you think?

I don't know, a well-educated workforce sounds like trouble to me.


Rolando McCallion

Why not just build a Target University and cut out the middleman?


Abigail Brinkman

U.S. Wins Most Gold Medals, Most Medals Overall At 2020 Tokyo Olympics

The U.S. won 39 gold medals and 113 medals overall at the 2020 Tokyo Olympics, which is more than any other competing country for the seventh consecutive Summer Games,  with China coming in second. What do you think?

Better to be ranked first in medals than in healthcare.


Ray Boney

Thank God. I was worried all of the avoidable Covid cases wouldn't be worth it.


Calvin Meagher

I worry this will give Americans a false sense of superiority.


Mark Lanning

Chipmunks In Lake Tahoe Test Positive For Bubonic Plague

Officials have closed areas around Lake Tahoe after discovering chipmunks infected with Bubonic plague, a disease that killed 25 million people in the 14th century pandemic but is now treatable with antibiotics. What do you think?

Relax, a little 14th-century infectious disease is good for your immune system.


Fiona Harker

Clearly, this is just another 14th-century conspiracy created by the Edward III regime to control us.


Bobby Chavira

Pentagon To Require Covid Vaccines For Active-Duty Troops

The Pentagon has announced that U.S. troops will be required to get vaccinated against Covid-19 by September 15, noting that the deadline could be moved up pending FDA approval. What do you think?

Good luck getting a bunch of soldiers to take orders.


Anthony Eller

I didn't join the Army to protect others.


Patricia Keeter

You're welcome' to whichever country we're set to invade next.


Stephen Saffold

Senate Passes Bipartisan $1.2 Trillion Infrastructure Bill

The Senate passed a historic $1.2 trillion bipartisan infrastructure bill that funds roads, bridges, and new climate resilience initiatives, delivering a key component of President Biden's legislative agenda. What do you think?

Wow, that's gotta be, like, three or four new roads per person.


Willie Latore

It's compromised versions of watered-down promises like this that will get America back on its feet.


Jessica Worthington

That seems like a lot of money until you realize how many crumpled dollar bills it takes to fill a single pothole.


Ricardo Prokop

Apple To Scan iPhones For Child Pornography

Apple has unveiled plans to scan U.S. iPhones and other devices for images of child sexual abuse to thwart pedophiles, drawing praise from child protection groups while raising concerns over potential misuse among privacy advocates. What do you think?

Thanks, but I'm more than capable of finding it myself.


Lloyd Overbey

Looks like Samsung just cornered the market on pedophiles.


Muriel Holter

Only a pedophile would dislike 24/7 surveillance.


Tanner Kay

Jeopardy!' Names Show Producer Mike Richards, Mayim Bialik As New Hosts

Executive producer Mike Richards and actor Mayim Bialik have been named permanent co-hosts of Jeopardy!, with Richards hosting the daily syndicated program and Bialik hosting the primetime series and new spinoffs. What do you think?

Hopefully, they will at least let LeVar Burton replace Richards as executive producer.


Eloise Haywood

It'll be hard splitting my time resenting two hosts, but I can try.


Brett Jhaveri

I bet the other candidates are kicking themselves for not first becoming an executive producer on the show.


Raul Ansell

Report Finds CEO Pay Has Soared 1,322% Since 1978

A new report has found that the chief executives of the U.S.'s largest public firms have seen their pay skyrocket by 1,322% since 1978, compared to an 18% increase for the typical worker within the same period. What do you think?

I don't think it could be any more clear how unacceptable yacht prices have become.


Lorraine Bembry

If CEOs didn't get paid excessively more than their workers, there would be no incentive to take over the family business.


Corey Madonia

I could have sworn I've been taken advantage of more than that figure shows.


Hope Wanaka

Slice Of Charles And Diana's 1981 Wedding Cake Auctioned For $2500

A large slice of one of the 23 official cakes made of marzipan and icing from Prince Charles and Princess Diana's 1981 wedding, which has been kept frozen since the nuptials, has sold at auction for more than $2,500. What do you think?

For that amount of money, it better have been a corner piece.


Rudy Sokol

It sounds dumb, but my wife put me in charge of dessert and I was out of options.


Ken Hashimoto

Imagine being wealthy enough to have cake at your wedding.


Priscilla Hewitt

West Virginia College To Charge Unvaccinated Students $750

Wesleyan College in West Virginia has announced that it will not be mandating Covid-19 vaccines for students, and instead will be charging unvaccinated students a non-refundable $750 fee to pay for expenses associated with testing. What do you think?

It's a small price to pay for the chance to endanger other students' lives.


Ernie Chait

I think another disadvantage unvaccinated students might face is contracting the virus.


Chester Bashi

Yeah, I've heard college is more expensive than it used to be.


Youssef Gamal

Taliban Recaptures Afghanistan

Afghanistan is in chaos after Taliban forces recaptured the country's capital, quickly undoing years of Western presence after America announced it was withdrawing following two decades of warfare. What do you think?


Edwin Stenson

Taliban Recaptures Afghanistan

Does 20 years of hard work and investment mean nothing to these terrorists?


Vanessa Lin

Taliban Recaptures Afghanistan

Well then, I guess it's a good thing that war was already over.


Jinny Caruso

New Disney Star Wars Hotel To Cost $6,000 For 2-Night Stay

Disney recently revealed pricing for its new Star Wars hotel, Galactic Starcruiser, which will cost a family of four upwards of $6,000 for the two-night vacation package that includes food and immersive live-action role playing experiences. What do you think?

Thanks, but I can just kiss my brother at home for free.


Thaddeus Bubblin

That's only a fraction of what it would cost to stay in an actual Galactic Starcruiser for two nights.


Hamilton Okonjo

Hey, Disney's gotta keep the lights on somehow.


David Lattimore

Census Finds U.S. More Diverse Than Ever

The 2020 Census found that America is increasingly multiracial and urban, with population growth being driven primarily by people of color in metro areas as the percentage of white and rural Americans shrinks. What do you think?

This is great information to have when we start gerrymandering.


Liz Herzog

I have been feeling more multiracial lately.


Amanda Loreaux

Haiti Rocked By 7.2 Magnitude Earthquake

At least 1,300 people have died after a 7.2 magnitude earthquake struck Haiti on Saturday morning, causing heavy damage in a country that has still not fully recovered from a previous earthquake in 2010 and hurricane in 2016. What do you think?

Another banner quarter for the Red Cross then.


Gil Archuleta

That donation I made back in 2010 should help them out.


Felix Spehar

Hopefully it's not the Haiti I'm thinking of—they've been through a lot.


Tad Bohlen

Food Stamp Benefits Receive Largest Increase In History

The Biden administration has approved a significant and permanent increase to SNAP benefits available to needy families, increasing by more than 25% above pre-pandemic levels. What do you think?

Oh man, kids are going to be so annoyed that their parents can afford healthier food.


Jason Fiscella

I'll make sure to increase the degree at which I judge people for it by 25%.


Belle Gaulden

My youngest is going to be thrilled that I can feed her now.


Biff Eacho

New Zealand Enters Lockdown After Single Covid Case Discovered

New Zealand's government has put in place a strict lockdown that will last for at least three days after finding a single case of coronavirus infection in Auckland, which has since grown to at least seven known infections. What do you think?

If only they had taken this approach with wallabies.


Vern Suchanek

We should do this the next time someone in the U.S. gets Covid.


Carmen Demik

That seems a little extreme. Maybe they should try doing nothing first.


Conchita Rook

Tesla Under Investigation For Cars On Autopilot Hitting Emergency Vehicles

The U.S. government has opened a formal investigation into Tesla's partially automated driving system after a series of collisions with parked emergency vehicles. What do you think?

It's so lucky that the emergency vehicles were already right there.


Jonas Gaffey

I say let the cars sort it out between themselves.


Werner Morang

It's just good business to know what customers need before they do.


Jud Barnfield

Maki Kaji, The 'Godfather Of Sudoku,' Dies At 69

Maki Kaji, puzzle enthusiast and publisher known as the Godfather of Sudoku for creating and popularizing the logic puzzle that is played daily by millions of people around the world has died. What do you think?


Don Ogaz

So now who's gonna give me the answers to yesterday's puzzle?


Christina Cloos

I'm too distraught today to complete anything over a 3-star.


Ahmed Westphalen

Teacher Jailed For Soliciting Bribes From Students In Exchange For Better Grades

A mathematics teacher at a community college in Baltimore has been sentenced to a year in prison for offering students better grades in exchange for cash, charging $150 for a C grade, $250 for a B, and $500 for an A. What do you think?

Not to brag, but I can get a 'C' for free.


Carmelo Piechocki

Hey, teachers have to make money somehow.


Brenda Duncan

U.S. Declares First-Ever Colorado River Water Shortage

United States officials declared the first-ever water shortage for the Colorado River, which provides drinking water and irrigation to 40 million in the West, triggering usage cuts after water levels of its largest reservoir hit record lows. What do you think?

I have, like, four inches of standing water in my sink if that helps.


Albert Cross

It'll be easy to refill once Antarctica melts.


Keith Whitaker

I prefer to panic about the bigger climate change picture rather than the day-to-day stuff.


Ashley Howarth

Mike Richards Steps Down As Host Of 'Jeopardy!'

Producer Mike Richards stepped down from his brief tenure as host of Jeopardy! after offensive and sexist comments he made on a podcast several years ago resurfaced. What do you think?

Okay, but I just can't imagine Jeopardy! without him.


Derek Mackie

Good on Jeopardy! for putting sexual harassment and racial insensitivity back behind the scenes where it belongs.


Sergio Estes

Designer Creates Interactive 'Proximity Dress' That Signals When Someone's Too Close

A Dutch fashion designer and engineer, inspired by the pandemic and social distancing, has created a proximity dress that puffs up or inflates when its ultrasonic range sensors detect another person standing near the wearer. What do you think?

Seems very inconsiderate to us perverts.


Sylvia Velez

That's okay, I can push people away on my own.


Wade Pollard

Weird to think that without the pandemic, an invention like this would seem dumb and wasteful.


Marianne Weber

OnlyFans To Ban Sexually Explicit Videos

OnlyFans, which has amassed a base of more than 130 million users largely for adult-oriented subscription fan pages, has announced that it will ban sexually explicit content this fall to comply with requests of banking partners. What do you think?

Guess I shouldn't have burned all those bridges at the adult film warehouse.


Jago Chang

Smart. Draw customers in with sex, and then keep them by deleting the one thing they want.


Rory Vega

Well, then it stinks that I'm only learning about this site now.


Uzma Manning

Trump Booed At Rally After Telling Crowd To Get Vaccinated

Former President Donald Trump was briefly booed at a rally in Alabama on Saturday after telling his supporters that they should get vaccinated against Covid-19. What do you think?

Trump supporters know better than to believe he's concerned for their well-being.


Perry Zavala

That's just the diversity of thought the MAGA movement is known for.


Steffan Grimes

I didn't vote for Trump twice so that he could tell me what I should do.


Vincenzo Key

Kathy Hochul Becomes First Female Governor Of New York

Kathy Hochul has been officially sworn in as New York's first-ever female governor, replacing now-former Governor Andrew Cuomo who resigned after a state investigation found he had sexually harassed 11 women. What do you think?

It's a real testament to laying low and biding your time.


Andrew Cuomo

Awooga! Hummina, hummina, bazooooooooing!


Darien Zamora

School Offers Parents $700 To Drive Kids Due To Bus Driver Shortage

U.S. schools are struggling with bus driver shortages due to the pandemic, with one Delaware school offering parents $700 per child for the year if they provide them with transportation back and forth. What do you think?

I'm pretty sure I can get my kid a compass and a map for less than $700.


Ella-May Ochoa

How much can I get for pulling them out of school altogether?


Lukas Glass

Sorry, no amount of money can convince me to spend more time with my kid.


Amman Palacios

Naked 'Nevermind' Baby Sues Nirvana For 'Child Pornography'

Spencer Elden, who appeared as the naked baby on the cover of Nirvana's 1991 album Nevermind, is suing the band over alleged child sexual exploitation, claiming the artwork is child pornography. What do you think?

Yeah, my life isn't going how I wanted either.


Nikita Rudd

I'm just impressed a baby has the wherewithal to mount such a lawsuit.


Trixie Beltane

Airbnb To Provide Temporary Housing For 20,000 Afghan Refugees

Airbnb has announced it will provide 20,000 Afghan refugees temporary housing in properties listed on its platform globally free of charge. What do you think?

It's nice that Airbnb has found a good cause for their failing business model.


Ace Xiong

What a great way for refugees to acclimate to America's corporate performative action.


Trey Cordova

Not in Circleville, Ohio you won't. It's already all booked up for the giant pumpkin festival.


Jules Odom

Blackwater Founder Charging $6.5K To Fly People Out Of Afghanistan

Erik Prince, the private military contractor and Blackwater founder who made billions off the United States' wars in Afghanistan and Iraq, is planning to charge $6,500 per seat on a chartered evacuation flight out of Kabul. What do you think?

Pieces of shit always have the best ideas to make money.


Tobias Hyunh

He's got to make a living somehow now that the war is over.


Rianna Nelson

Poll Finds 65% Of U.S. Workers Actively Searching For New Job

A new poll has found that 65% of U.S. employees are looking for a new job, nearly double the number surveyed in May, with workers citing wanting better pay, expanded benefits, or workplace flexibility as their top reasons. What do you think?

Whatever happened to sticking it out and hating your life?


Lemar Rush

Look, it's either search for a new job or do actual work at my current one.


Sid Rutledge

Maybe they can put in a good word for me on their way out.


Calvin Alvarez

TikTok Bans 'Milk Crate Challenge'

TikTok has banned videos featuring the milk crate challenge, which showed users attempting to climb milk crates stacked in a pyramid, after many people were injured, explaining the platform prohibits content that promotes or glorifies dangerous acts. What do you think?

I prefer my social media-related health risks to be entirely psychological.


Anika Dunkley

TikTok Bans 'Milk Crate Challenge'

That's pointless. People will just find a new thing to stack precariously.


Saeed Davidson

TikTok Bans 'Milk Crate Challenge'

Sounds like somebody didn't make it to the top crate.


Kaleem Hines

Belgian Woman Banned From Zoo After 4-Year 'Affair' With Chimp

A woman in Belgium has been banned from visiting a chimpanzee at a zoo, with officials saying the 4-year-long friendship, which she called 'an affair,' was causing the other chimps to exclude the animal. What do you think?

Just like a guy not to break up with her face-to-face.


Chelsea Peterson

Those fools! Separating them will only fan the flames of their passion.


Dev Carson

Well, if they're still not married after four years, it clearly wasn't going anywhere.


Cody Burgess

First 'Murder Hornet' Nest Of 2021 Destroyed

Washington State officials say that the first Asian giant hornet nest discovered this year, containing 1,500 invasive murder hornets that decapitate honeybees when they enter their slaughtering phase, has been destroyed. What do you think?


Sia Keller

There was no other choice after negotiations failed.


Tristan Mann

Damn right no murder hornet's gonna kill off our honeybees. That's our job.


Katerina Pruitt

E.U. Drops U.S. From List Of Covid-Safe Countries For Travel

The European Union, which had been slowly reopening to American tourists since May, has now recommended that Americans should be banned from nonessential travel to its member states after a rise in Covid-19 cases in the United States. What do you think?

Joke's on them. I'm too scared to even travel within my own country.


Logan Sims

This is no way for Europe to treat its most despised tourists.


Ezekiel Bundell

Oh, don't worry, we'll let ourselves in.


Evan Wainwright

Parents Ordered To Pay $30K For Getting Rid Of Son's Porn Cache

A judge has ordered a Michigan couple to pay their 43-year-old son $30,441 for throwing out his collection of pornographic films and magazines while he was temporarily staying with them after his divorce. What do you think?

Having kids never stops being expensive.


Fahmida Jordan

I wonder what he'll spend that money on.


Mike Cornish

Poor guy. First, his wife takes half his porn collection in the divorce, and now this.


Caroline Orr

China Limits Children To 3 Hours Per Week For Online Gaming

China has set its harshest restriction on the gaming industry to date, banning children from playing online games for more than three hours a week, citing concerns that technology companies may have an outsized influence on society. What do you think?


Miguel King

Guess who just moved up a few hundred thousand spots on the Honor Of Kings leaderboard?


Devante Rangel

That's barely enough time to break the Super Mario Bros. speedrun record 36 times.


Joni Chen

Female Hummingbirds Avoid Harassment By Looking Like Males

Researchers have found that about 20% of female white-necked jacobin hummingbirds studied in Panama have adopted male-like blue plumage instead of the green color typical of females, which they suspect helps them avoid being harassed by males. What do you think?

I'm willing to try anything at this point.


Jozef Schofield

I've always suspected that birds weren't being entirely honest with me.


Glen Lim

Or maybe we just need to raise more respectful male hummingbirds.


Alisha Huff

Bonnaroo 2021 Canceled Due To 'Waterlogged' Festival Grounds

Bonnaroo organizers have announced that the music and arts festival, which was scheduled to take place this weekend in Tennessee, has been canceled, citing flooding from heavy rains. What do you think?

Now where am I supposed to go to have an okay time for way too much money?


Emmett Graner

Climate change seems so abstract until you have to find a way to offload all this MDMA.


Woody Truong

Yikes, it's gonna be a logistical nightmare trying to find a new date that works for 80,000 people.


Pedro Bernal

Social Security Funds To Run Out Earlier Than Expected

The Social Security trust fund most Americans rely on for their retirement will run out of money in 2034, one year sooner than expected, according to an annual government report that cites the Covid-19 pandemic and economic recession as major factors. What do you think?

I'd better plan on turning 64 much sooner then.


Grant Rocha

They still have plenty of time to think up some other scam.


Shea Leach

Good thing I was never planning to have enough money to retire.


Amal Ware

Joe Rogan Takes Widely Discredited Horse Dewormer For Covid

Podcast host Joe Rogan has revealed that he contracted Covid-19 and took a kitchen sink of proven and unproven treatments, including ivermectin, a veterinary dewormer that the FDA has warned people against using to treat the virus. What do you think?

It's so hard to find an in-network veterinarian.


Leonard O’Neal

This is going to alienate a lot of his listeners who believe worms in horses are a hoax.


Chantel Woodward

I think he'll be fine as long as he's not too close to his foaling date.


Kurtis Feeney

ABBA Announces First New Album In 40 Years

Swedish supergroup ABBA has announced they will release their first new album in four decades and will stage a series of virtual concerts using digital avatars of themselves in London next year. What do you think?

My God, has it really been that long since I've felt joy?


Nick Molina

Wow, it feels like just yesterday I was turning their music off for the first time.


Sally Hibbert

I, for one, will not reward their poor work ethic.


Timothy Hyde

Sackler Family Wins Immunity From Further Opioid Litigation

Members of the Sackler family who are at the center of the nation's deadly opioid crisis have won sweeping immunity from opioid lawsuits linked to their privately owned company Purdue Pharma and its OxyContin medication as part of the company's bankruptcy settlement. What do you think?

They've already refused to admit wrongdoing and thrown a check at the problem. What more do you want?


Amelia Atkins

No family should ever have to lose a company.


Zidane Solomon

I thought they won immunity years ago when they became insanely rich.


Suraj Bowler

China Bans Men Who Aren't 'Masculine' From TV

China has banned effeminate men on TV and ordered broadcasters to promote more masculine role models as part of a broader Communist Party campaign to tighten controls over society and enforce official morality. What do you think?

Not even when being effeminate constantly makes them the butt of the joke?


Christine Witley

I'm glad I live in a country that trusts the free market to keep wimps off TV.


Daniel Valenzuela

And let's ban effeminate women while we're at it.


Maisha Delarosa

Mexico Decriminalizes Abortion

Mexico's Supreme Court has ruled unanimously that penalizing abortion is unconstitutional, a major victory for women's health and human rights advocates in the conservative Catholic country, just as parts of the United States enact tougher laws against the practice. What do you think?

I knew I should have paid more attention during Spanish class.


Giacomo Perry

Mexico Decriminalizes Abortion

This will only encourage people to cross the border seeking our oppressive legislation.


Kenny Barrett

Mexico Decriminalizes Abortion

It's nice knowing safe and legal access to abortion is only a country away.


Shaun Allerano

Former Walmart Executive Unveils Plan For $400-Billion Eco-Friendly City In Desert

A former Walmart executive has unveiled plans for a $400-billion futuristic desert metropolis called Telosa, which promises to be eco-friendly, drought-resistant, and accessible by 15-minute commute times within the city. What do you think?

Well, it better not be near where I'm building my city.


Lulu Halliday

We haven't seen this kind of idealistic utopia since Jim Jones.


Teo Joyner

Wow, I can't wait to raid that place after the apocalypse.


Lexi Ruffelle

Virginia Removes Robert E. Lee Statue From State Capital

A 12-ton statue of General Robert E. Lee, the last remaining Confederate statue on the historic Monuments Avenue, has been taken down in Richmond, Virginia, which its removal was announced last year amid national protests over the death of George Floyd. What do you think?

Well, I just hope they have a new plan for scaring off carpetbaggers.


Milton Orita

Would be great if they could pick up my old couch while they're at it.


Danny Curran

America has a long history of disrespecting its veterans.


Nitin Trussell

First Lady Returns To Teaching In-Person At Community College

First lady Jill Biden has resumed teaching in-person writing and English classes at Northern Virginia Community College, the first first lady to leave the White House to log hours at a full-time job. What do you think?

After my dog died, I wanted to busy myself with work, too.


Grant Churchett

A lot of families are taking on extra work to make ends meet.


Hortense Ainslie

Some people will do pretty much anything to have a break from their spouse.


Murphy Cano

Polar Bears Inbreeding Due To Climate Change

A new study has found that polar bear populations have seen a 10% loss in genetic diversity over 20 years due to inbreeding, which scientists say is a result of fewer encounters with mates due to melting sea ice caused by climate change. What do you think?

It's probably just hard for them to tell because they all look like polar bears.


Ivan Patel

Sure, when bears do it, it's climate change.


Julius Rivera

LAPD Officers Told To Gather Social Media Info From Civilians

A new report has revealed that the LAPD instructed officers to collect social media information from civilians they talk to, regardless of arrest or citation, raising concerns over mass citizen surveillance. What do you think?

This is precisely why I set my invitation to the South Lawnsdale Biannual Flower and Succulent Show to 'Maybe.'


Usman Frye

I fear the surveillance state, but my Instagram could really use some hits.


Rafi Grieg

CBS Announces New Activism Competition Series

CBS has announced its new reality TV show, The Activist, in which contestants compete in media stunts and digital campaigns to garner public attention for their cause, with results partly measured by online engagement and other social media metrics. What do you think?

I'll watch this show if I can write it off on my taxes.


Fabio Pruitt

Letting Usher host the show will be a tough charitable act to beat.


Megan Connor

Well, I look forward to seeing some petty drama about saving the earth or whatever.


Brett Carney

Salesforce Offers To Relocate Employees From Texas Over Anti-Abortion Law

Software company Salesforce has announced that if any of its 2,000 Dallas employees are concerned about the ability to access reproductive care in the wake of Texas' aggressive anti-abortion law, the company will help relocate their families. What do you think?

I need to check our corporate policy on rape and incest.


Emanuel Suarez

We need more companies that will make a public stand like this while quietly funneling PAC money to anti-abortion politicians.


Essa Rollins

If I stay and let Texas force me to have a baby, do I get a bonus?


Chelsea Pacheco

Facebook Unveils New Smart Glasses

Facebook has partnered with Ray-Ban to create glasses called Ray-Ban Stories that can take photos, record video, answer phone calls and play podcasts, with a plan to introduce true augmented-reality spectacles in the future. What do you think?

This is a huge innovation in the field of not paying attention to your friends while you're hanging out with your friends.


Dawson Findlay

Facebook Unveils New Smart Glasses

I doubt people will want to face the public embarrassment of still being on Facebook


Chase Sadler

Facebook Unveils New Smart Glasses

I'm not sure I want glancing at something for too long to change the ads I see on Facebook.


Rene Cornish

Scientists 'Potty Training' Cows In Bid To Reduce Greenhouse Gas Emissions

A team of scientists in New Zealand have started potty training calves in a process called MooLoo training, an experiment aimed at reducing soil and waterway contamination from cattle waste, which makes up half of agriculture-related ammonia emissions. What do you think?

And what if my daughter walks into a public restroom and sees some perverted cow staring at her?


Ross Collins

Seems kind of a waste to eat the cow after all that trouble.


Robert Searle

Report: U.S. Poverty Fell To 9.1% Last Year Due To Pandemic Relief

A U.S. Census Bureau report shows that poverty in the United States fell to 9.1% last year—down 2.6% from 2019—due to government aid, including pandemic relief payments and unemployment insurance. What do you think?

That's the perfect amount of poverty for a country to have if you ask me.


Sherri Ellis

It's nice seeing people climb out of poverty to the knife-edge of poverty.


Anwan Carillo

So now it's the government's job to solve problems?


Geraldine Lozano

CRISPR Startup Looking To Bring Back Woolly Mammoth By 2027

A startup says it's using gene-editing technology to give elephants the cold-adapted genetic traits of woolly mammoths, like smaller ears and more body fat, creating a hybrid by 2027 that can survive the Arctic tundra. What do you think?


Riker Leblanc

Seems easier to just keep warming up the Arctic tundra.


Bobby Vu

I guess I hadn't realized they were gone.


Sasha Boyer

California Governor Gavin Newsom Survives Recall Vote

California governor Gavin Newsom has defeated a Republican effort to remove him from office in a recall election, with incomplete returns already showing 'no' votes ahead by a margin of 30 points. What do you think?

I hope this gives Newsom a much-needed wake-up call that he's been doing everything perfectly all along.


Vance Latigue

I'm not sure he's ready for this kind of responsibility.


Benny Magana

I commend the California GOP for finding someone even less palatable than Gavin Newsom.


Carl Salazar

One Out Of Every 500 Americans Have Died From Covid Since Beginning Of Pandemic

According to Johns Hopkins University data, about out of every 500 Americans have died from coronavirus since the nation's first reported infection last year, with a current seven-day average of about 152,200 new Covid cases per day. What do you think?


Kevin Stafford

Oh, God. What did the other 499 die from?


Vanessa Cabrera

I'm sure many had other underlying and equally preventable health conditions.


Kato Quesenberry

Taco Bell Testing Monthly Subscription Service

Taco Bell is testing a 30-day subscription service in which subscribers pay $5 to $10 a month for a Taco Lovers Pass that allows them one taco a day. What do you think?

Finally, a program to help me cut down on the amount of Taco Bell I eat every day.


Justin Uhler

Sadly, I think I'd still need to supplement my diet with additional food.


Glenda DeNunzio

Great way to attract people who've heard of Taco Bell but aren't quite sure what it's all about.


Claire Sloman

Scientists Identify Key Conditions To Set Up Creative 'Hot Streak'

Researchers used AI to study the career data of famous artists and found that a creative hot streak or artistic breakthrough is commonly the direct result of an experimental phase followed by a focus on one approach. What do you think?

All this time the only thing standing between me and creative success was a logical analysis of data.


Jamel Vanderbusch

This completely discounts the importance and impact of having famous parents.


Norman Overton

Nothing says creative quite like AI-driven workflow optimization.


Sanjay Higgs

British Courts Seal Prince Philip's Will For 90 Years

The British High Court has ruled that the will of Prince Philip will be sealed from the public for at least 90 years to protect the dignity of the Sovereign, keeping with a convention dating back to 1910. What do you think?

As one of his dozens of illegitimate children, I get it.


Aleena Faulkner

The public has the right to know if Prince Charles got fucked in the inheritance.


Avi Nairn

Until then, I'm fine shaming the royal family with what's already public knowledge.


Rhian Travers

Hundreds Of Migrating Songbirds Crash Into NYC Skyscrapers

New York City Audubon volunteers found the carcasses of nearly 300 birds that crashed into glass towers across the city last week in a mass casualty event. What do you think?

Great, now we have to go to war with wherever the hell birds come from.


Isobel Frye

Yep, this city will eat you alive if you're not built for it.


Malik Yang

Millionaire Robert Durst Found Guilty Of First-Degree Murder

New York millionaire Robert Durst has been convicted of murdering his best friend 20 years ago after making damaging admissions in an HBO documentary that connected him to the slaying linked to his wife's 1982 disappearance. What do you think?

Wow, being a millionaire doesn't go as far as it used to.


Pamela Gray

Who knew admitting to murder could come back and bite you in the ass?


Yoni Rangel

We can't let this one misdeed erase his lifetime of other misdeeds.


Azaan Harrell

Samuel Adams Launching New Beer Illegal In 15 States

Samuel Adams is launching a new, limited-edition beer that will be illegal in 15 states due to its high alcohol by volume of 28%, more than five times the potency of typical US brews. What do you think?

I'm more than willing to relocate for a stronger buzz.


Brett Trujillo

It's not a real Boston lager if it doesn't cause your marriage to end.


Olive Palacios

How much alcohol I'm consuming is the last thing I want to think about while drinking.


Misha Duncan

Boris Johnson Admits To Having 6 Children

Boris Johnson has finally admitted in an interview to having six children, a question previously dodged by the British prime minister, with an English court banning news organizations from reporting on a daughter from an extramarital affair. What do you think?

So heartwarming to be embraced by your father after years of legal maneuvering failed.


Harvey Vasquez

It's kind of sad Brexit happened; he could have easily sent any extra children away to Spain or Luxembourg to be raised there.


Ralph Espinosa

I feel bad for those kids growing up always knowing who their father is.


Joanna Wagstaff

Italian Prisoner Shoots At Rivals With Gun Smuggled In By Drone

An Italian prisoner with links to the Neapolitan mafia shot at fellow inmates through the bars of their cell with a gun believed to have been smuggled into the prison by a drone, raising more concerns over the poor management of Italy's cramped prisons. What do you think?

Drones should only be smuggling weapons to law-abiding citizens.


Hayden McFadden

Sadly, drones make so little money doing deliveries, and this is what they're left with.


Jakob Butler

It was only a matter of time before drones were used for violence.


Reginald Irving

Taliban Asks To Speak At UN General Assembly

The Taliban has requested to address the annual United Nations General Assembly's meeting of world leaders, raising questions over who should represent Afghanistan in the organization with many Taliban interim ministers still on the UN's blacklist of terrorists. What do you think?

It'd be nice to finally hear what these guys are all about.


Beatrice Osborn

Maybe they can just have the terrorist ones wait outside?


Clifton Mansel

The Taliban will only sully the podium at which great diplomats like Henry Kissinger have stood.


Marcus Rivers

Study Suggests Snakes Thrived Following Asteroid Impact That Killed Dinosaurs

A new study suggests that snakes survived the asteroid that wiped out 76% of lifeforms on Earth 66 million years ago by being able to hide underground and go long periods without food, allowing them to spread into new habitats across the globe without competition. What do you think?

I guess once you've lived through the Bible, an asteroid isn't so bad.


Ruby Blankenship

Sometimes the secret to success is three-fourths of your competition dying.


Daniel Bellamy

Benefiting from others' misfortunes is nothing to be proud of.


Stephanie Castro

New Zealand In Talks With Fast Food Restaurants To Offer Covid Vaccines To Customers

New Zealand officials are in talks with fast food brands like KFC and Taco Bell to offer customers Covid-19 vaccines while they wait in line for their meals in an effort to boost vaccination rates and avoid future lockdowns. What do you think?

I go to these places specifically to not think about my health.


Clay Gallegos

But we don't even know the long-term effects of the Crunchwrap.


Rohit Redmond

I assume we already have that here, otherwise what the hell did that guy at Pizza Hut do to me?


Jia Gilliam

Alabama Saw More Deaths Than Births In 2020

New reports show that Alabama had more deaths than births in 2020, with 64,714 residents dying and only 57,641 born, a first since the state started keeping records that officials attribute directly to the coronavirus pandemic. What do you think?

You really shouldn't die unless you have someone lined up to replace you.


Jim Wormald

To be fair, who wants to bring a child into a world with this much record keeping?


Sonny O’Brien

Surely the Sackler family should get some of the credit.


Lex Fleming

Netflix Purchases Roald Dahl Rights For $686 Million

Netflix has paid $686 million for the rights to British author Roald Dahl's entire catalogue, giving the platform the ability to develop such stories as Charlie And The Chocolate Factory, Matilda, and James And The Giant Peach. What do you think?

I do wonder what a Charlie And The Chocolate Factory movie might look like.


Rajveer Dotson

These days I guess just any famed literary giant can get a Netflix deal.


Rose Goff

This is going to make Netflix's upcoming price hike so worth it.


Allen Holt

West Virginia Governor Withdraws Bid To Moonlight As Boys Basketball Coach

West Virginia governor Jim Justice has withdrawn his name for consideration to coach a high school boys basketball team after school officials voiced concerns over his commitment to the governorship, noting that he already coaches the girls basketball team. What do you think?

I mean, how much work could taking money from the coal industry be?


Miles Cisneros

He needs to stay focused on governing if he's gonna sustain that poverty rate.


Tabitha Hernandez

Hey, we're all looking for ways to escape the daily grind.


Maude Gibbs

FBI Data Show Unprecedented Spike In Murders Nationwide In 2020

The number of murders in the United States jumped by nearly 30% in 2020 compared to the previous year, in the largest single-year increase ever recorded in the country. What do you think?

I know a lot of folks used their time in lockdown to finally pursue their passions.


Boris Tang

Such a shame in an otherwise fantastic year.


Clarence Bernal

Sounds overblown. Last year, I killed maybe 20% more people, tops.


Graydon Sims

Treasury Secretary Warns That U.S. Could Run Out Of Cash To Pay Bills In 3 Weeks

Treasury Secretary Janet Yellen has warned lawmakers that the federal government could run short of cash to pay its bills by October 18th, after Republicans blocked a measure to increase or suspend the debt ceiling. What do you think?

Is there any sort of refund we could get on Afghanistan?


Saul Xiong

Don't look at me, I already gave them 24% of my income.


Faye Zuniga

Then let's make this the craziest fucking three weeks ever!


Pedro Hensley

Study: Children Will Face 7 Times More Extreme Climate Events Than Grandparents

A new study suggests today's children will experience extreme climate events at a rate that is two to seven times higher than people born in 1960, forecasting that heatwaves will be the most prevalent, occurring 36 times more over the lifetime of a child born in 2014. What do you think?

At least they'll be young enough to enjoy it.


Ernie Li

The best way we can prepare for this is to stop raising kids to be so soft.


Mercedes Kinney

And don't forget the threat of nuclear holocaust!


Roberta Lugo

Alabama Plans To Use Covid Relief Funds To Build Prisons

Alabama, which has the highest death rate from Covid-19 in America, is planning to use $400 million from the American Rescue Plan, nearly 20% of the state's pandemic relief money, to build three new prisons. What do you think?

It's nice to see American businesses bouncing back after Covid.


Desmond Park

What is the body if not a prison for Covid-19?


ARTEMIS MAIR

Yeah, I blew all my relief money on dumb shit too.


Tyler-Jay Cotrell

Judge Suspends Britney Spears' Father From Conservatorship

A judge has suspended Britney Spears' father, Jamie Spears, from overseeing her conservatorship, saying the arrangement reflects a toxic environment, with the judge expected to rule whether the conservatorship should be dissolved completely in November. What do you think?

Now the only thing restricting her will be the crushing expectations we put on all celebrities.


Aiden Kline

There comes a time when every parent must give up court-ordered control over their children and let them have their own basic freedoms.


Nicolette Holt

Raising a daughter is hard enough without all the legal battles.


Georgetta Wills

U.S. Declares 23 Species Extinct, Including Ivory-Billed Woodpecker

The U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service has proposed moving 23 species from the Federal Lists of Endangered and Threatened Wildlife and Plants to a list of extinct species, including the ivory-billed woodpecker, while citing humans as the ultimate cause. What do you think?

I prefer to think they've just gotten really good at hiding from us.


Baxter Vinson

It's always good to see animals make it off the endangered list.


Ewen McPherson

While we're mostly to blame, they bear some responsibility for never fighting back.


Eduardo Povey

YouTube Bans Anti-Vaccine Misinformation

YouTube has announced that it will be removing any videos spreading misinformation about any approved vaccine and banning well-known misinformation spreaders like the Children's Health Defense Fund, a group affiliated with anti-vaccine activist Robert F. Kennedy Jr. What do you think?

It's good to know that I'll be able to believe everything I watch on there now.


Benny Gilbert

Glad they're doing this before anti-vaccine hysteria gets out of hand.


Neve Ibara

It's a miracle any video makes it through YouTube's strict quality controls.


Zayd Fritz

Alex Jones Found Liable Over Sandy Hook Hoax Conspiracy

Conspiracy theorist Alex Jones has been found legally responsible in two lawsuits for damages resulting from his claims about the Sandy Hook school shooting in 2012 a hoax organized by anti-gun advocates and carried out by crisis actors. What do you think?

Do people even realize how hard this whole Sandy Hook thing has been on him?


Rowena Burks

Yet another shameful instance of the American judicial system silencing the deranged.


Blake Cruz

I'm worried this verdict might have a chilling effect on other radio hosts that want to harass grieving parents.


Norman Rhodes

Eminem Opens 'Mom's Spaghetti' Restaurant In Detroit

Rapper Eminem has opened a new restaurant in Detroit called Mom's Spaghetti, a reference to a lyric in Lose Yourself, with the performer serving the first 10 customers of the walk-up-only restaurant himself. What do you think?

It's incredible that 8 Mile could inspire anything at all.


Ishan Patel

Guess I need to listen to the entire album to understand what spaghetti is.


Kaydee Waddingham

I hope this encourages other artists to revisit their lyrics for new ways to exploit their fans.


Blanche Singh

David Lee Roth Announces Retirement

David Lee Roth, original and current lead singer of Van Halen after a rotation of several other frontmen, has announced his retirement, saying the band's next slate of scheduled concerts will be his last. What do you think?

Eventually, you have to admit when the music thing isn't working out.


Gregory O’Connell

David Lee Roth Announces Retirement

It speaks to our unjust economy that today's young people will have to front Van Halen until they die.


P.J. Downes

David Lee Roth Announces Retirement

Smart. You always want to go out within 20 to 30 years of when you were on top.


Cillian Prentice

Woman Finds 4.38 Carat Diamond In Arkansas State Park

A California woman gets to keep a 4.38 carat yellow diamond, which could be worth over $15,000, after finding the gemstone during a visit to the Crater of Diamonds State Park in Arkansas, the only diamond mine in the U.S. that is open to the public. What do you think?

Oh, but I have to immediately give back the bison I found in Yellowstone?


Sienna Driscoll

Hopefully, that's enough money to get herself the hell out of Arkansas.


Timur Campos

And to think I wasted my vacation on that shithole Yosemite.


Walter Cai

Facebook Suffers Worst Outage Since 2008

Facebook, Instagram, and WhatsApp shut down for over six hours on Monday, the company's worst outage since 2008, and it was caused by a DNS system issue that resulted in all internal Facebook tools failing and workers having to reboot the servers manually. What do you think?

It was awful—I had to seek validation in person.


Eliot Moynihan

That was probably the only news event that Facebook users found out about on time.


Candace Gwahk

Russians Beat Tom Cruise To Be First To Shoot Feature Film In Space

A Russian film crew and actor have become the first to shoot a feature film in space after boarding the International Space Station on Tuesday, beating Tom Cruise who has partnered with NASA and SpaceX to film in space later this year. What do you think?

Tom Cruise could still be the first actor to die while shooting a film in space though.


Sahil Carmody

This is just another chapter in the longstanding feud between Tom Cruise and Yulia Peresild.


Gene Silberberg

This speaks volumes about our once-trailblazing country's waning interest in Tom Cruise.


Joyce Anderson

Workers At Kellogg's U.S. Cereal Factories Go On Strike

About 1,400 workers at Kellogg's cereal factories in the U.S. have gone on strike after year-long negotiations between union and management over job protections and health care broke down, which could lead to supply disruptions. What do you think?

I hope workers know they have my full support as soon as I'm done with breakfast.


David Bottaro

Guess it's back to shredding my own wheat.


Jeff Kwan

The silence from Tony the Tiger speaks volumes.


George Poole

World Health Organization Approves First Malaria Vaccine

The World Health Organization has endorsed the first-ever vaccine to prevent malaria, one of the oldest known and deadliest infectious diseases that kills about 500,000 people a year, with about half of those being children in Africa. What do you think?

Finally, something I'd feel comfortable taking for Covid.


Veronica Lidiak

This will only encourage mosquitoes to come up with more creative ways to kill us.


Craig Labelle

Sheesh, I guess now everyone's coming out of the woodwork with their vaccines…


Shanice Bowers

Idaho Lieutenant Governor Bans Vaccine Mandates While Governor Out Of State

Idaho lieutenant governor Janice McGeachin issued executive orders, which included banning vaccine mandates and attempting to activate national guard service members to send to the Mexico border, without authorization while Governor Little was out of state. What do you think?

What kind of lunatic does more work while the boss is away?


Jedd Proctor

That's why you gotta call 'timeout' before you leave the state.


Vihaan Boyle

Sometimes, it's easier to ask for forgiveness than military authorization.


Aaron Wu

2,700-Year-Old Toilet Unearthed In Jerusalem

Israeli archaeologists have unearthed a rare ancient toilet in Jerusalem dating back more than 2,700 years, made of limestone with a hole in the center and positioned over a deep septic tank. What do you think?


Lacey Campbell

This is why you should always keep your bathrooms clean in case of unexpected company.


Dale Farin

Huh, I was under the impression that having to go to the bathroom was a relatively new phenomenon.


Maurice Watts

2 Journalists Win Nobel Peace Prize

Journalists Maria Ressa and Dmitry Muratov were awarded the Nobel Peace Prize for their efforts in safeguarding freedom of expression in the Philippines and Russia, a choice the committee made to underscore the importance of protecting and defending these fundamental rights. What do you think?

They had an unfair advantage living in such corrupt countries.


Fahmida Cullen

2 Journalists Win Nobel Peace Prize

Huh, I thought words could only be used to enrage people.


Marc Leal

2 Journalists Win Nobel Peace Prize

They must not have gotten anything really juicy if they're still alive.


Matthew Hester

Google Maps Launches Eco-Friendly Routing

Google Maps has launched its new app feature that directs drivers to routes it calculates to generate the lowest carbon footprint, using mainly traffic data and road inclines, with the potential to prevent more than one million tons of carbon emissions from entering the atmosphere per year. What do you think?

That's totally something I would pretend to use.


Alicia Bostock

And to think, I was this close to riding a bike.


Bill Cousins

Oh, good, the better routes will have less traffic now.


Yousef Wardle

Southwest Airlines Cancels More Than 2,000 Flights Over Weekend

Southwest Airlines canceled more than 2,000 flights over the weekend, blaming issues like bad weather and staffing shortages, while others cite poor management as recent data shows the airline to have the worst on-time performance and most canceled flights of any major U.S. airline. What do you think?

If nothing else, at least 2,000 fewer flight attendants were bitten by passengers.


Samuel Mayes

Oh, come on, anyone flying on Southwest was never that serious about getting to their destination in the first place.


Mina Burn

Shit! All 2,000 of those were my flights.


Raheel Cross

U.S. Couple Arrested For Selling Nuclear Submarine Secrets

A former nuclear engineer officer in the U.S. Navy and his wife have been arrested on espionage charges after allegedly attempting to sell government secrets about submarines to a foreign entity in a year-long undercover FBI operation. What do you think?

The older you get, the harder you have to work to keep a relationship exciting.


Luther Massey

Great, now our enemies know we have submarines.


Karen Ellwood

I can never get my husband to do fun stuff like treason.


Marsha Kennerly

Raiders Coach Resigns After Racist, Homophobic, And Misogynistic Comments

Jon Gruden stepped down as the coach of the Las Vegas Raiders football team after detailed emails emerged in which Gruden used misogynistic and homophobic language, following an earlier report that he made racist statements about a union leader. What do you think?

This must be why coaches cover their mouths during games.


Cory Fetterman

That kind of language has no place in the NFL. Except maybe on the field. And the locker rooms. And being screamed from the stands.


Stanley Merrell

Well, if nothing else, I respect him for not just singling out one particular group.


Adam Porter

Nearly 3% Of U.S. Workforce Quit Their Jobs In August

New data shows that 4.3 million people quit jobs in August, about 2.9% of the workforce, driven in part by workers less willing to endure inconvenient hours and poor compensation while given leverage by the country's high number of job openings. What do you think?

Oh, I'm sure they'll come crawling back once they're desperate to be exploited again.


Victor Rosenbaum

I was wondering what happened to my four million coworkers.


Alex Ducruet

William Shatner, 90, Becomes Oldest Person To Travel To Space

Star Trek actor William Shatner, 90, became the oldest person to ever to reach the edge of space, traveling on the 10-minute Blue Origin commercial flight to reach the Kármán line, 62 miles above earth. What do you think?

About time an old person accomplishes something.


Jonah Hartwell

I hope I'm that much of a cultural token for capricious billionaires when I'm that age.


Laurie Austin

So reckless considering our tenuous relationship with the Klingons.


Dewayne Pascal

FDA Authorizes First E-Cigarettes To Stay On U.S. Market

The FDA has authorized the sale of Vuse Solo e-cigarettes and tobacco-flavored pods, explaining that the benefits for adults trying to quit smoking outweigh the risks to young people, while also stressing that authorization does not mean the products are safe or FDA-approved. What do you think?

Luckily, it's impossible for an e-cig maker to exploit the nuance between 'authorized' and 'approved.'


Meryl Kemple

This is great for people who are trying to quit not smoking.


Vajra Yudin

As a huge FDA fan, I'll use anything they authorize.


Skip Shackelford

FDA Issues Guidelines To Reduce Salt In Foods

The U.S. Food and Drug Administration is pushing manufacturers to cut salt levels by an average of 12% in mostly processed and take-out food to address a growing epidemic of preventable health issues in Americans caused by high-salt diets. What do you think?


Anna Couts

Great, more opportunities to replace salt with sugar.


Kirk Tapley

Please stop trying to prolong my existence.


Nate Apfel

Half-Shredded Banksy Painting Sells For $25.4 Million

A partially destroyed Banksy painting, Love Is In The Bin, has sold at auction for $25.4 million, more than 18 times what it went for three years ago when it was sold just before the piece was half-shredded by a concealed shredder in the frame. What do you think?

Hopefully, Banksy can now afford a shredder that works.


Jeeyon Lu

His mild, simplistic provocations have earned him every penny.


Edmond Twiss

Texas School Official Tells Teachers To Balance Holocaust Books With 'Opposing' Views

A Texas school administrator was recorded at a training session advising teachers that if they have a book about the Holocaust in their classroom, they should also offer students access to a book from an opposing perspective. What do you think?

They're in luck because there's a book written by the guy who did the whole thing.


Murphy Haldova

It's only right we hear from an Anne Frank who loved the Holocaust.


Gretchen Porter

Ridiculous. You don't expect me to believe that schools can afford books.


Mona Crebs

Waymo Self-Driving Cars Mysteriously Flocking To Dead-End Street In San Francisco

Dozens of self-driving Waymo vehicles have been inexplicably driving into one San Francisco cul-de-sac, only to make multi-point turns and leave the way they came, with company representatives explaining they're following road rules to limit traffic elsewhere. What do you think?

I always knew the first step in AI's world takeover would be minor traffic inconveniences.


Kye Gomez

It's amazing how accurately AI can replicate really creepy human behavior.


Cedric Krebs

Unfortunately, the science isn't there yet to have them stay parked.


Cyrus Yatsuhashi

3 Men Posing As Female Author Win Million-Euro Literary Prize

Best-selling Spanish author Carmen Mola, who was represented as a mother of three who wrote on her off-time, was revealed to be three men after they accepted the million-euro 2021 Premio Planeta literary prize. What do you think?

That's the last time I'll believe what's written on a dust jacket, Wikipedia page, author's website, social media sites, and in numerous articles.


Nasha Marcoux

You know, the author's photo with three dudes did look a little suspicious.


Emily Blecher

Official Wizard Of New Zealand Fired After 2 Decades

The city of Christchurch, New Zealand, has ended its contract with Ian Brackenbury Channell, who was paid $11,280 a year to provide acts of wizardry and promote the city for the past two decades, explaining that he no longer fits its new tourism message. What do you think?

I can only dream of job stability that embarrassing in my country.


Scott Kutrow

Wizards should be elected by the people, not appointed by some bureaucrat for an unspecified term.


Boris Romero

20 years is more than enough time to establish an adequate retirement incantation.


Angela Jesperson

Kanye West Officially Changes Name To 'Ye'

After requesting the name change last August for personal reasons, rapper, producer, and fashion designer Kanye West has legally changed his name from Kanye Omari West to just Ye, with no middle or last name. What do you think?

He's given me the courage to finally start going by 'Ang.'


Gordon Kravinsky

I'd try to distance myself from that guy, too.


Judith Zeiser

Diver Finds 900-Year-Old Crusader Sword Off Coast Of Israel

A scuba diver has found a 900-year-old sword off the coast of Israel, likely owned by a knight during the Crusades, a set of military expeditions by Western European Christians aimed at retaking the Holy Land in the Middle East. What do you think?


Craig Hood

I didn't realize how many crusades took place underwater.


Ken McNulty

Well, if it doesn't kill your opponent, they'll probably get tetanus at least.


Rueben Parilla

Facebook Planning To Rebrand With New Name

Facebook is planning to change its company name next week to reflect its focus on building the metaverse, likely positioning the Facebook app as one of many products under a parent company, much like Google did with Alphabet in 2015. What do you think?

With all our collective data, I'm sure they'll come up with a name that everybody likes.


Hunter Solenberger

Whenever a corporation rebrands, I know deep, meaningful change is on its way.


Chantel Donelan

But my mom is just now getting the hang of what it's actually called.


Elmar Delrow

Fisher-Price Releasing Working Version Of Chatter Phone Pull Toy For Adults

Fisher-Price will release a new version of its Chatter Telephone that can take real phone calls by connecting to a smartphone through Bluetooth, while keeping the original wobbly eyes, rotary dialer, and four wheels of the original 1961 child's pull toy. What do you think?

The ability to make calls is the last thing I look for when buying a new phone.


Phillip Cheng

Nothing brings back memories like using Bluetooth to sync a new phone with an existing device.


Bianca Poirier

I don't know if I'm ready to talk to real people yet.


Huda Grieg

House Votes To Hold Bannon In Contempt Of Congress

The House of Representatives has voted to hold former Trump adviser Steve Bannon in congressional contempt for ignoring subpoenas related to the investigation into the January 6th insurrection, with the Justice Department now having to decide on the prosecution. What do you think?

Voting is how this whole mess started in the first place.


Cole Walmsley

This is a crucial first step towards Bannon finally getting let off the hook.


Lester Castaneda

I'd be scared of reactions from the insurrectionists, but I don't think they're informed enough to know about this.


Agatha Reyna

Pig Kidney Successfully Transplanted Into Human For First Time

Surgeons have successfully attached a kidney grown in a genetically altered pig to a human patient and found that the organ worked normally, a scientific breakthrough that one day could open up a new way to provide organs to sick people. What do you think?

Unlike eating its succulent flesh, that feels weird.


Lyndon Aldred

This is no way to treat one of God's most savory creatures.


Jacques Tierny

Manchin Says He Offered To Change Political Parties

Senator Joe Manchin has said that he has previously offered to change his political party affiliation to Independent if he were an embarrassment to his Democratic colleagues, adding that no Democrats accepted the offer. What do you think?

The Democratic Party will always have a place for someone who opposes their every move.


Elissa Siskind

And we're absolutely sure he didn't go through with it?


Charlie DeLoach

Manchin shouldn't worry—lots of Democrats are embarrassments.


Martin Juno

Study Finds Cheap, Generic Antidepressant Reduces Covid-19 Hospitalizations

A recent study found that a cheap and generic antidepressant called fluvoxamine, when taken after early diagnosis of Covid-19, significantly reduces the risk of severe disease and hospitalization. What do you think?

I'm surprised to hear that cheap drugs exist at all.


Van Menaker

I knew that being cheap and depressed would come in handy one day.


Regina Krueger

I guess we'd better start making this drug expensive and exclusive as quickly as possible.


Leela Reiss

Vikings Lived in America By At Least 1021

A new study has determined that Vikings inhabited North America exactly 1,000 years ago by counting tree rings of wooden objects previously found in an early Viking settlement in Newfoundland, which revealed they were made from trees felled in the year 1021. What do you think?

Wow, at that rate, there's no telling where Vikings could be in another thousand years.


Jay Srikanthan

I'm just going to stop learning things until we get this whole history thing right.


Les Niola

Bah, any real Viking could only ever truly live on the sea.


Zack Klasfeld

Man Spent $57,000 Of Covid Business Relief On Pokémon Card

A Georgia man has been federally charged with wire fraud after lying about owning a small business to receive a Covid-19 relief loan, which he then used to buy a single Pokémon card that cost $57,789. What do you think?

I just hope the evidence locker is temperature-controlled.


Hugh Liddell

Imagine how much it will appreciate by the time he gets out of prison though.


Tori Ocheret

Pretty good at paperwork for a 9-year-old.


Roxanne Shafrir

Kellogg's Facing $5 Million Lawsuit For Not Having Enough Strawberries In Pop-Tarts

Kellogg's is being accused in a class action lawsuit of misleading consumers by promoting the filling in Pop-Tarts as strawberry when the pastries contain 2% or less of dried strawberries, dried pears, and dried apples with red 40 coloring. What do you think?

Let me guess, there's hardly any wildlicious berries in there either.


Trevor Chang

At least I'm still getting my recommended daily serving of red 40.


Julio Marotte

And once they put 'em back in, I'm gonna sue again for adding too many.


Marcella Cicanek

Facebook Prioritized 'Angry' Emoji Reactions Over 'Likes' On News Feeds

Internal Facebook documents have revealed that in 2017 the company changed its ranking algorithm to treat emoji reactions, including angry, as five times more valuable than likes to push more provocative content into news feeds and boost engagement. What do you think?


Yamil Bode

It is true that getting angry is five times more enjoyable than liking something.


Amit Michaan

We won't live in a just society until social media companies start monetizing our emotions fairly.


Jamilah Rae

Men Killed By Kyle Rittenhouse Can Be Called 'Looters,' Not 'Victims,' Judge Rules

A judge has ruled that the men shot and killed by Kyle Rittenhouse during a protest last year could be referred to as rioters or looters during the trial, but not as victims. What do you think?

With the stigma on his name, we probably shouldn't call him 'Kyle Rittenhouse' either.


Travis Runnels

Good call, acknowledging the fact that Rittenhouse killed those men would be biased in their favor.


P.J. Coryel

As a juror, I appreciate getting a heads-up on the verdict before this whole thing gets started.


Lenny Arguello

Lost Hiker Ignored Rescue Calls Because Of Unknown Number

A hiker who was lost on Colorado's Mount Elbert said he didn't answer his phone when rescuers called multiple times because he didn't recognize the number, with the man eventually finding his own way back after 24 hours. What do you think?

But once you take a call from one rescuer, they'll start calling you constantly.


Cailey Dabler

Who wants to end up on some search-and-rescue list?


Simon Kalisch

I'm sure he was planning on calling them back as soon as he got home.


Sterlon Omara

Counterfeit Coupon Ring Cost Retailers $31 Million

A Virginia woman has been sentenced to 12 years in prison for running one of the biggest coupon counterfeiting rings in U.S. history, leading to more than $31.8 million in retail loss. What do you think?

I'm no cashier, but I would be suspicious if someone gave me a $31 million coupon.


Cristabel Rera

She's gotta have a coupon in there somewhere for reduced prison time.


Whitmer Sirota

Rare 'Penis Plant' Blooms For First Time In 25 Years

A two-meter tall Amorphophallus decus-silvae, or penis plant, which reeks of decomposing flesh and looks vaguely phallic, recently flowered at the Leiden Hortus Botanicus in the Netherlands, the first time this type of plant has bloomed in Europe in nearly 25 years. What do you think?

Europe has always been more sexually liberated than America.


Russ Corlee

See, ladies? Sometimes you just have to be patient for two and a half decades.


Gina Dahl

Testicle Bath' Birth Control Device Wins Dyson Award

A German inventor's ultrasound testicle bath, a birth control device that temporarily stops sperm mobility for several months, has won the James Dyson Award, which is given out annually to designers of new problem-solving ideas. What do you think?

It might catch on if they can find a way to make it the woman's responsibility.


Elliott Tolman

Thank goodness, my sperm has been getting everywhere lately.


Fabian Alonzo

But periodic ultrasonic pulses always ruin the sensation.


Paolo Dundas

Man Ate 2,000 Meals At Six Flags For Seven Years To Pay Off Student Debt

A California man used his $150 annual Six Flags pass that offers year-round access to the park, free parking, and two free meals, to eat twice a day for seven years, allowing him to pay off his student loans and buy a house. What do you think?

That makes me hungry for 5,000 consecutive hamburgers.


Chris Tarrey

If Biden won't cancel student debt, the least he can do is give everyone a pass to Six Flags.


Paige Hemmert

A bleak commentary on our society of debt, but I hope he got to go on Viper a few times.


Daphne Clegg

Senator Claims Men Watching Porn, Playing Video Games Because Their Masculinity Criticized

Missouri Sen. Josh Hawley (R) claimed in a recent speech that the effort to combat toxic masculinity in the U.S. has unfairly forced men to withdraw from society, consuming more pornography and playing more video games. What do you think?

A real man can do those things and still make time to be a misogynistic asshole in person.


Ludwig Kuhlen

It's good of them to make the world safer for women by staying inside.


Grant Rafiq

And as if that's not bad enough, there are even women in the porn now!


Nikola Pally

Study: 'Broken Heart' Syndrome On The Rise In Older Women

A new study has found that takotsubo cardiomyopathy, commonly called Broken Heart Syndrome, which mirrors a heart attack after a stressful event like a break-up, is on the rise among women ages 50 to 74, who account for 80% of all cases. What do you think?

I expected being made irrelevant by society to be more relaxing.


James Drucker

I knew I made the right decision to never let anyone in.


Rex Brockman

Nothing a bottle of wine and a night out with the ladies can't cure.


Beatrice Puga

Billionaire Designs Windowless Mega-Dorm For California University

Billionaire Charlie Munger has given $200 million to the University of California at Santa Barbara on the condition they build a mostly windowless 11-story dorm he designed, despite criticism over the unknown psychological effects it could have on students. What do you think?

It would make me even more excited about post-grad life if I couldn't see the world for four years.


Colin Filipkowski

It's refreshing to see prison experiments expanding beyond private institutions like Stanford.


Peter Gilks

Woman Charged $700 After Waiting In ER For Hours Without Receiving Treatment

A Georgia woman left a hospital emergency room without receiving treatment after waiting for seven hours, for which she was charged a $700 emergency room visit fee that the hospital claims is valid. What do you think?

Well, I think that—wait, am I being charged for answering this question?


Lynette Rue

That's what happens when you use an out-of-network reception area.


Diego Siegwald

I mean, it is a pretty significant privilege to be able to walk into a hospital.


Kathryn Garber

Facebook Shutting Down Facial-Recognition Software

Facebook has announced plans to stop using facial-recognition software and delete the data collected from over a billion users, which comes in the wake of a whistleblower leaking documents about the platform putting profits over safety. What do you think?

Yet another organization telling me that I'm forgettable.


Josh Lulay

To be on the safe side, they should probably shut down the rest of it.


Grayson Beletsky

And what about the other body parts Facebook was asking about?


Dennis Fecke

London Cab Drivers' Brains Being Studied For Alzheimer's Research

Alzheimer's researchers are studying the brains of London cab drivers, who have to memorize 25,000 streets and landmarks, after MRI scans show that the parts of their brain that handle memory grew over time. What do you think?

It's pretty impressive to always remember how to drive too.


Ramona Satkin

Do Alzheimer's researchers need to get to Piccadilly Circus or something?


Qasim Leiby

Would love to hear if researchers come across any promising shortcuts.


Dylan Satyal

Juror In Kyle Rittenhouse Trial Dismissed For Joke About Blake Shooting

A juror in the Kyle Rittenhouse trial has been dismissed after telling a courtroom deputy a joke about Jacob Blake's shooting, with the judge calling his removal necessary for maintaining public confidence in the trial. What do you think?

I hope they can get someone funnier to replace him.


Fiona Braunger

People will say anything to get out of jury duty.


Rob Kwon

Well, it is supposed to be a jury of Kyle's peers.


Wendy Euston

Sopranos' Creator Finally Reveals Main Character's Fate

Sopranos creator David Chase has revealed what happened to the main character Tony Soprano at the end of the last episode of the series in 2007, which rankled viewers by abruptly cutting to black and leaving his fate a mystery. What do you think?

Good. I'm still mad M*A*S*H never told us how the Korean War ended.


Nathan Jeet

An ending 14 years in the making is the kind of revolutionary television The Sopranos is known for.


Emanuel Boulud

Ithaca To Be First US City To Decarbonize All Buildings

Ithaca, NY has voted to fully decarbonize all of its 6,000 buildings, which account for 40% of its greenhouse gas emissions, in the first phase of a novel 100% carbon-free city climate policy that is to be completed by 2030. What do you think?

If an East Coast college town can agree on climate action, what's stopping Congress?


Mona Duron

It's nice to know at least one city will be spared from climate change.


Louis Noort

Just think, pretty soon they'll be doing this with real cities.


Ian Mastrapa

Female California Condors Can Reproduce Without Males

A new study suggests that female California condors can reproduce without a male after two chicks hatched from unfertilized eggs, a process called parthenogenesis, which is already known to be possible in bees and sharks. What do you think?

I hope they keep a male around to tell them they're reproducing wrong.


Sajid Michaux

My male California condor buddies are not gonna like the sound of this.


Abbi Casella

Yeah, I've been thinking about reproducing parthenogenetically, too.


Shayla Tenyu

Ted Cruz Criticizes Big Bird Getting Covid Vaccine As 'Government Propaganda'

Republican Sen. Ted Cruz accused Sesame Street of publishing government propaganda after the character Big Bird's twitter account announced that the anthropomorphic bird had received his Covid-19 vaccination. What do you think?

Sad to see two of my favorite puppets butting heads.


Murat Brickley

This is why I carefully monitor who my toddler follows on Twitter.


Herschel Gailan

Exactly. Sesame Street should be teaching the benefits of restricting voting rights.


Mimi Hughes

U.S. Lifts Travel Ban For Vaccinated Foreigners

The Biden administration has lifted the pandemic-related travel ban that lasted over 600 days for international visitors from 33 countries, with travelers now required to show proof of vaccination and a recent negative Covid-19 test. What do you think?

I'm sure hospitals will appreciate the extra tourist dollars.


Landon Roumas

And our country's only gotten better since!


Arshad Puelle

There go my quiet weekends alone at the Statue of Liberty.


Priscilla Van Nest

Capitol Riot Suspect Seeking Political Asylum In Belarus

An American who faces criminal charges from the Jan. 6 riot at the U.S. Capitol is seeking asylum in Belarus, which doesn't have an extradition treaty with the U.S., in a move that may heighten tensions between the turbulent former Soviet state and the U.S. What do you think?

I would have chosen a more tropical autocracy, but that's me.


Logan Dente

Probably cheaper than retaining a good defense lawyer.


Desmond Seregina

He knows he was facing, like, six weeks in jail, right?


Judd Campo

Singapore To End Free Covid-19 Treatment To Those 'Unvaccinated By Choice'

Singapore, considered to have one of the world's best healthcare systems, has announced it will no longer cover medical bills for people who are unvaccinated by choice due to their disproportionate strain on resources. What do you think?

I was completely unaware that our misinformation came in other languages.


Brett Lockwood

I knew the American model of refusing to help people pay for healthcare would catch on eventually.


Dana Patel

If the consequence of death wasn't enough, then money just might move the needle.


Blair Radosh

Paul Rudd Named 'People' Magazine's 2021 Sexiest Man Alive

People magazine has officially named 52-year-old actor Paul Rudd, known for his roles in Clueless, Ant-Man, and soon to appear in Ghostbusters: Afterlife, as the publication's Sexiest Man Alive for 2021. What do you think?

Hubba hubba. Is that what you want me to say, you pervert?


Alan Serling

People magazine and I clearly have different definitions of the word 'alive.'


Tony Amato

I can't believe we're still judging men based on whether they're Paul Rudd.


Gene Dancyger

Vienna Brothel Offering Free Session To Customers Who Get Covid-19 Vaccination Onsite

A brothel in Vienna is providing Covid-19 vaccinations and giving those who take up the offer a 30-minute session with a lady of their choice if they get the vaccine at the on-site clinic. What do you think?

I guess I'd be willing to protect my fellow citizens for a quickie.


Atul Weigel

Finally. It is so hard trying to get laid at the CVS.


Kay Sakran

Do they offer any alternatives for those of us who cherish our virginity?


Al Dixon

Portugal Bans Bosses From Texting Employees After Work Hours

The Portuguese parliament has passed a law making it illegal for employers to contact employees after work hours, in a move to promote healthier work-life balance amid a surge of home workers during the coronavirus pandemic. What do you think?

It's not a work text if I'm just a buddy with some fun presentation revisions.


Audrey Jackson

Good. The standard eight-hour workday is more than enough time to abuse employees.


Braydon Galt

How else is my boss supposed to tell me goodnight?


Jeff Buchholz

Venomous Sharks Found In Once 'Biologically Dead' Thames River

A new report has revealed that the Thames river, which was previously declared biologically dead, has recovered enough to host over 115 species of fish, including venomous sharks called Spurdogs. What do you think?

Now that it's healing, nature is clearly looking for revenge.


Suzanne Zofi

Hopefully this means people will soon be able to live in London again, too.


Ivan DeLessio

If we killed the river once, I'm confident we can kill it again.


Constance Edwards

Britney Spears' Conservatorship Ends After 13 Years

A judge ruled last week to finally end Britney Spears' conservatorship under her father that lasted nearly 14 years, giving the pop star the freedom to make her own medical, financial and personal decisions for the first time since 2008. What do you think?

All right, we freed Britney. Now, let's talk payment.


Kieran Loughner

Finally, vindication for unhealthily obsessed fans everywhere.


Lazlo Pipkin

Who can blame a father for wanting what's best for his daughter's father?


Dory McKeever

105-Year-Old Sets World Record In Age Bracket For 100-Meter Dash

105-year-old Julia Hawkins has become the first female track and field athlete and first American to set a world record in the 100-meter dash for her age group (105-plus division) at the 2021 Louisiana Senior Games competition. What do you think?

Okay, but she's running the risk of knee issues when she gets older.


Milton Caballero

I hope this doesn't give old people the wrong impression that they still have anything to offer.


Juan Zarca

DOJ Suing Uber For Overcharging Riders With Disabilities

The U.S. Department of Justice is suing Uber for allegedly discriminating against passengers with disabilities by charging wait time fees to passengers who need more time to enter a car due to their disabilities. What do you think?

Uber should overcharge everyone equally.


Giselle Nuske

I find the best passengers are the ones worth waiting for.


Manny Palombo

Biden Signs $1 Trillion Bipartisan Infrastructure Bill Into Law

President Biden on Monday signed into law a $1 trillion bipartisan infrastructure bill that will invest in the nation's roads, bridges, mass transit, broadband infrastructure, and build a nationwide network of electric vehicle chargers. What do you think?

When should I expect my bridge to arrive?


Felipe Eastman

I wouldn't want to be a pothole right now.


Madison Dionne

If the bill was 'bipartisan,' then why was Biden the one signing it?


Lucas Felton

Poll: 72% Of Americans Keeping Holiday Gatherings To Household

According to a new survey, 72% of poll respondents said they plan to limit their holiday celebrations to members of their household, while 51% will request guests wear masks due to the ongoing Covid-19 pandemic. What do you think?

But I had a big shindig last year and all the survivors are doing fine.


Mandy Bakalov

This will be a great chance to connect with family members I've spent every day of the last 20 months with.


Frank Bicknell

Hopefully by this time next year we'll have figured out a way to ditch these family members as well.


Dylan Arikan

Amazon Fined $500,000 For Concealing Covid Cases From Workers

Amazon has been ordered to pay a fine of $500,000 for hiding the number of Covid-19 cases at its California workplaces from employees, the first fine based on the state's right to know legislation, which gives employers one day to notify staff of detected infection. What do you think?

Wow, it could take them several milliseconds to recoup that loss.


Gwendolyn Tachikoma

You have to give corporations time to adapt to these new 'law' things that they usually don't have to deal with.


Rhys Fossier

Well I hope this financially miniscule fine taught them a valuable lesson.


Joseph Attisha

Lakers' Staples Center To Become Crypto.Com Arena In $700 Million Deal

A Singapore-based cryptocurrency platform called Crypto.com has bought the naming rights to the home arena of the Los Angeles Lakers in a $700 million deal, with the change taking effect on Christmas Day this year. What do you think?

It's sad to see a city like Los Angeles embrace such a fleeting trend.


Quinta Rozzi

Staples Center always struck me as more of an office supply store anyways.


Ari Guldan

I know a lot of people who try to reinvent themselves by making crypto their whole personality.


Rory Herndon

QAnon Shaman' Sentenced To 41 Months In Prison

The U..S Capitol rioter nicknamed the QAnon shaman for his horned headdress has been sentenced to 41 months in prison for his role in the deadly Jan. 6 attack by former President Donald Trump's followers. What do you think?

It seems wrong to imprison a holy figure.


Demetreus Taravella

I worry this might give Trump supporters a persecution complex.


Leanne Fabri

It's a good reminder that sometimes it's better just to blend in.


Mara Rupar

House Censures Paul Gosar For Violent Video

The House has censured Republican Rep. Paul Gosar of Arizona and removed him from committee assignments for posting an animated video depicting him killing Democratic Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez with a sword. What do you think?

I always forget what passes for violent anime to most people.


Mohanad Sotillo

I'm surprised to see a Republican politician supporting the arts.


Wes Bauserman

What is the world coming to when no one can even take a threat anymore?


Abigail Goike

Maryland Mayor Charged With 50 Counts Of Distributing Revenge Porn

Mayor of Cambridge, MD Andrew Bradshaw, was arrested and charged with 50 counts of distributing revenge porn of his ex-girlfriend on Subreddit forums, for which he faces two years in prison and a $5,000 fine if convicted. What do you think?

He's going to need to become governor before he can get away with that kind of behavior.


Grant Skarnulis

To be fair, he did make posting revenge porn his signature issue in the election.


Joel Barragan

Well, you can't say he's spent his time in office doing nothing.


Elias Rannes

Kyle Rittenhouse Acquitted Of All Charges In Kenosha Shootings

A jury has acquitted Kyle Rittenhouse of all charges in the shooting deaths of two men and wounding of a third at a Wisconsin protest against racial injustice last year, in a case that has intensified the debate over vigilantism, policing, and guns. What do you think?

If this decision hadn't been inevitable, it would have been completely unthinkable.


Judy Chevalier

I hope they'll be able to catch the real shooter.


Troy Postell

I had so much fun arguing with friends and family, I don't even care who won.


Ethan Muia

Original Copy Of U.S. Constitution Sells At Auction For $43 Million

A rare surviving copy of the U.S. Constitution has sold at auction for a record $43.2 million, with an unknown buyer beating a crowdfunded bid by a cryptocurrency group. What do you think?

But I thought the U.S. Constitution was only supposed to be metaphorically for sale.


Lucy Juelich

Shame on every so-called patriot who didn't make a higher bid.


Wayne Barral

Hopefully its new owner will find some use for it.


Josh Hershinow

Spotify Removes Default Shuffle Feature At Adele's Request

Spotify has removed a play button that automatically shuffled songs regardless of an album's track list after singer-songwriter Adele requested the change ahead of the release of her fourth studio album. What do you think?

But in a universe without purpose, anything but the chaos of shuffle is a lie.


Madeline Brandwin

Awww, but it feels less disposable that way.


Cullen Ducharme

I still listened to it out of order, it just took a little more effort.


Dorian Cerveris

White House: 95% Of Federal Workforce In Compliance With Vaccine Mandate

The White House has announced that 95% of the federal workforce is in compliance with the Biden administration's vaccine mandate, with 90% of the 3.5 million federal workers already vaccinated and 5% submitting approved or pending exemption applications. What do you think?

I'd rather die than comply with any government mandate beyond the hundreds I already follow.


Lawrence Wilkins

Sad to see that people would rather work than be totally wrong about something.


Victoria Lakely

A 'federal' workforce? Talk about government overreach.


Edgar Dunikoski

80 People Storm Nordstrom In Flash Mob-Style Robbery

About 80 people rushed into a Nordstrom store in California, stealing merchandise and fleeing in a robbery that lasted less than two minutes, the latest in a spate of organized mass thefts that have recently hit businesses in several cities across the country. What do you think?

Shouldn't have left all that stuff lying around if they didn't want it stolen.


Rupert Moore

It's always an honor when looters choose your brand over competitors.


Marsha Dawsey

I prefer to avoid the crowds and hack into the online store.


Norm Brozier

Americans Celebrate Thanksgiving

All across the nation, families and loved ones are gathering to celebrate the Thanksgiving holiday. What are you thankful for this year?

I'm thankful for a family that hates me but is mostly discreet about it.


Kiri Gaffney

Americans Celebrate Thanksgiving

That the pandemic's almost over, same as last year.


Armando Sinduhije

Americans Celebrate Thanksgiving


Anthony Pepperack

Hundreds Of FedEx Packages Found Dumped In Ravine

Alabama police are investigating after an estimated 300 to 400 FedEx packages of various sizes were found dumped in a ravine north of Birmingham. What do you think?

I knew I should have left a forwarding address after moving out of that ravine.


Seth Silva

I hate to see so much useless bullshit go to waste.


Portia Kreimendahl

I was wondering why my tracking status has been stuck on 'arrived in ravine.'


Cara Schoss

Quebec Releasing Strategic Maple Syrup Reserves Amid Shortage

The Quebec Maple Syrup Producers is releasing roughly 50 million pounds from its strategic maple syrup reserves, almost half of the stockpile, following a hot and short spring that led to a lower yield. What do you think?

We must tackle climate change now or risk living in a world with dry waffles forever.


Eric Choo

Shortages wouldn't be a problem if Canada switched to wind- and solar-powered syrups.


Dennis Oldfield

Better to do that than to let a foreign adversary like Vermont control your economy.


Cindy Desrocher

Jack Dorsey Steps Down As Twitter CEO

Jack Dorsey has stepped down as Twitter CEO, 15 years after launching the microblogging social media platform that's now often central to debates around responsibility to curb hate speech, violent rhetoric, and misinformation. What do you think?


Ichabod Mieseles

Jack Dorsey Steps Down As Twitter CEO

Come on, who hasn't lost a job because of Twitter?


Gareth Hansert

Jack Dorsey Steps Down As Twitter CEO

I've always thought of him as more of a lurker anyway.


Colene Noyes

Barbados Cuts Final Ties With British Monarchy

Barbados has removed Britain's Queen Elizabeth II as its head of state, officially becoming a republic on the 55th anniversary of the Caribbean nation's independence from the United Kingdom. What do you think?

Does Barbados not fear seafaring privateers in the employ of France or Spain suddenly invading?


Chip Dembowski

Once Prince Harry did it, you just knew the dominoes would start falling.


Endora Acharya

Dr. Oz Announces Bid For Pennsylvania Senate Seat

Dr. Mehmet Oz, a cardiothoracic surgeon and television personality, announced he is running for the U.S. Senate in Pennsylvania as a Republican to succeed retiring Senator Pat Toomey, joining an already crowded GOP primary for the open seat. What do you think?

A vote for Dr. Oz burns away fat in minutes—no diet, no effort, no exercise!


Keith Shelat

I'm torn. He's a dangerous quack, but I do see him on TV a lot.


Tony Hannafin

Good. Toomey's weight-loss supplements didn't work for shit.


Celeste DiPenta

World's First Living Robots Can Now Reproduce, Say Scientists

Scientists who created xenobots, the world's first living robots assembled from heart and skin stem cells belonging to the African clawed frog, say the life forms are now the first-ever, self-replicating living robots. What do you think?


Lou Terrones

Yeah, I made a big deal out of my first kid too.


Xander Sorokoff

Personally, I find it unethical to bring children into this world.


Abner Mahesh

Trump Tested Positive For Covid Ahead Of 2020 Debate With Biden

Trump's Chief of Staff Mark Meadows claims in a new book that the former president first tested positive for Covid-19 three days before his first debate with Joe Biden in 2020, and nine days before being hospitalized for the virus. What do you think?

Well, killing your opponent is one way to ace a debate.


Kathy Zirin

To be fair, CDC guidance on debating while Covid-positive has been a bit confusing.


Ponce Siagatonu

If Trump lied about testing positive for Covid, imagine what else he may have lied about.


Ida Dosher

Twitter Bans Sharing Images Of Private Individuals Without Their Consent

Twitter will now let private individuals request the removal of pictures or videos of them that were posted without their consent, except in cases of public interest or if the subject is a public figure, unless they're being harassed. What do you think?

Private individuals should just be flattered by the attention.


Sebastian Rothstein

That's fine, I only post their feet anyway.


Giovanni Blust

What's the point of harassing people if you can't post the photos?


Dawn Corsentino

Germany Imposes Nationwide Lockdown For Unvaccinated People

Germany has announced a lockdown for the 26% of its population not vaccinated against Covid-19, banning them from all non-essential businesses in order to curb the country's recent surge in coronavirus. What do you think?

Glad Germany finally got the hang of strong centralized government.


Yakub Mckenna

Geographically speaking, this is exactly like Nazi Germany.


Gavin Kudurru

What's the point of having free healthcare if you're going to stop the spread of disease?


Clarinda Anzelmo

Home Alone' House Available To Book On Airbnb

The Chicago-area mansion featured in the 1990 Christmas film Home Alone has been made available to book on Airbnb, with the one-night only stay featuring booby traps and the actor who played Buzz greeting guests. What do you think?

I have no desire to stay in a house with such a crime-ridden history.


Tyrese Shorrock

As if staying in the Chicago suburbs isn't exciting enough.


Miles Stablik

But you can sleep in the O'Hare terminal from that movie for free.


Edie Craigg

CNN Fires Chris Cuomo

CNN has fired anchor Chris Cuomo after new evidence emerged about his use of media sources to defend his brother, former Gov. Andrew Cuomo (D-NY), of sexual assault as well as a sexual misconduct allegation brought against the anchor. What do you think?

You should never trust anyone who cares about their siblings.


Kristofer Pomerantz

CNN Fires Chris Cuomo

Good luck finding one of thousands of people who can easily replace him.


Judd Maestas

CNN Fires Chris Cuomo

It's always a fun change of pace to see journalistic ethics upheld.


Jewel Swartz

Australia Drunkest Country In World

The world's largest annual drug survey has ranked Australia as the drunkest country on the planet, with residents surveyed getting drunk an average of 27 times over the course of the year, almost double the global average of 15 times. What do you think?


Sabina Lewis

Australia Drunkest Country In World

I hope Australians find a healthy way to celebrate this news.


Connor Pobjie

Australia Drunkest Country In World

I'm proud to live in a civilized, pharmaceutical-abusing country.


Mitch Nosowitz

U.S. Announces Diplomatic Boycott Of Beijing Winter Olympics

The Biden administration has announced it will not send an official U.S. delegation to the 2022 Winter Olympics in Beijing, in a diplomatic boycott to rebuke China over its human rights abuses. What do you think?

Can't believe billions in trade wasn't enough to register our disgust.


Gale Elizalde

Hopefully this empowers other nations to announce equally futile performative activism.


Leo Safa

Heartbreaking. Some of these diplomats have been training their whole lives to negotiate at the Olympics.


Amelia McElroy

Kentucky Derby Winner Medina Spirit Dies During Track Workout

Medina Spirit, the controversial Kentucky Derby-winning horse that tested positive for betamethasone, died at the Santa Anita racetrack after the 3-year-old colt collapsed from a heart attack during a routine workout. What do you think?

No horse ever thinks it'll happen to them.


Odie Meschke

At least he died doing what he was forced to do.


Mohamad Lowrey

I'm not familiar with horse racing, but that doesn't sound good.


Lauren Salerno

Devin Nunes Leaving Congress To Run Trump Social Media Venture

Rep. Devin Nunes, (R-CA) will resign from Congress next month to become chief executive of former President Donald Trump's fledgling social media company, despite having no prior tech industry experience. What do you think?

Well, every great social media company needs an inhuman CEO wildly out of touch with society at large.


Dan Agodon

What he lacks in experience he makes up for in his natural ability to do or say whatever Trump tells him to.


Marcus Zottola

Cannabis Company Makes 850-Pound Pot Brownie

Massachusetts-based cannabis company MariMed, Inc. has baked the world's largest pot brownie, weighing 850 pounds, measuring three feet wide, and containing 20,000 mg of THC. What do you think?

Still don't think that'll be enough to get me through my niece's baptism.


Scott Jong

I don't think I could handle more than a tiny 40-pound square.


Charlene Puehringer

I'd recommend eating half and then having the rest if you're not feeling it in an hour.


Graham Hough

CEO Fires 900 Employees Over Zoom

Mortgage company Better.com CEO Vishal Garg drew criticism after informing about 900 employees over a Zoom call that they were all terminated, effective immediately, citing changes in the market for the mass layoffs. What do you think?

Yeah, in retrospect, he probably should have had someone from HR fire them abruptly over Zoom instead.


Heidi Golembiewski

CEO Fires 900 Employees Over Zoom

Who doesn't need the gift of extra time around the holidays?


Loukas Tedford

CEO Fires 900 Employees Over Zoom

That's a conversation that deserves the respect and intimacy of a breakout room.


Micah Woo

Instagram Now Telling Users To Take A Break From Using App

Instagram has started offering take a break reminders if users have been scrolling on the social media app for too long, pinging people after 10, 20 or 30 minutes of scrolling to suggest that they switch activities. What do you think?

If they really cared about users, they'd give us all more likes.


Simon Zeitlen

Do they want my private information or not?


Vanessa Haldane

I like being reminded to break off for a bit and stare at Twitter.


Diedrich Goff

Starbucks Workers At Store In Buffalo Vote To Unionize

A union has won the right to represent U.S. Starbucks workers, with employees at a Buffalo, NY location voting 19-8 in favor of a union, the first in the coffee retailer's 50-year history. What do you think?

But I can still mistreat Starbucks employees, right?


Salvador Karch

Great, now Starbucks coffee are going to be stupidly expensive.


Corrina Bedford

That's great, but I'm really just in here to use the bathroom.


Edwina Govier

Anchor Chris Wallace Leaving Fox News

Fox News anchor Chris Wallace announced that he is departing the network after two decades and joining CNN's new streaming service CNN+ to host a weekday show. What do you think?

Quite the coup for CNN to poach this hot up-and-comer.


Ross Carswell

Anchor Chris Wallace Leaving Fox News


Mac Strasser

Anchor Chris Wallace Leaving Fox News

CNN is a great fit for someone pretending to be unbiased while extolling conservative narratives.


Kassandra Jarvis

Assisted-Suicide Pod Offering 'Painless Death' Cleared For Use In Switzerland

Switzerland has legalized new Sarco suicide pods, 3D-printed capsules that fill with nitrogen gas, which creators say will allow users to fall unconscious and die a painless death. What do you think?

Dying painlessly does seem like a great way to end a fabulous Swiss vacation.


Ben Saxelby

Do they have any alternatives to nitrogen gas? I hear that's terrible for you.


Dylan Sinback

Time Names Elon Musk 2021 'Person Of The Year'

Elon Musk, the CEO of Tesla and SpaceX, has been named Time magazine's Person Of The Year for 2021, a tradition the magazine says recognizes a person, movement, or group that had the most influence in the past year. What do you think?


Nathan Gelula

What a waste of a perfectly good meaningless accolade.


Ruth Cotnoir

U.S. Facing Santa Shortage

The U.S. is facing a nationwide shortage of Santa Claus performers due to labor shortages—as well as health and safety concerns over Covid-19—while demand is up 120% from pre-pandemic levels. What do you think?

If Santa can be a mop with a red hat, we've got plenty.


Dexter Rakoff

U.S. Facing Santa Shortage

Yeah, I found another gig willing to pay me for being sat on.


Jay Forde

U.S. Facing Santa Shortage

Just loosen up the laws concerning who's allowed near children.


Howie Loftus

Reddit, TikTok Users Spam Kellogg With Fake Applications To Help Striking Workers

Reddit and TikTok users are spamming Kellogg's job portal with fake applications after the company announced it would replace 1,400 striking union workers, crashing the site. What do you think?

It's good to get your resume on file even if you don't want to scab now.


Tara Mudra

So I wrote those 1,400 letters of recommendation for nothing?


Raul Lacerva

See? With TikTok on our side we don't even need federal legislation.


Rita Linnen

Hockey Team Apologizes For 'Degrading' Cash-Grab For Teachers

A South Dakota junior hockey team and mortgage lender are apologizing after organizing a widely panned event in which school teachers scrambled to grab dollar bills off the ice during a game's intermission to pay for classroom supplies. What do you think?