Chad Flichette

Norway Ranked Happiest Nation On Earth

You don't build a country as great as this one by prioritizing people's happiness over their role in the machine.


Dan Bean

Trump Expecting Ninth Grandchild

Eric Trump and his wife, Lara, have announced they are expecting a baby boy this September, the first child for the couple and Donald Trump's ninth grandchild. What do you think?


Larissa Maynard

Trump Expecting Ninth Grandchild

I'm in the same boat as Donald. I feel nothing at all knowing this.


Cary Copeland

Trump Expecting Ninth Grandchild

He'll make a fine Duke of Florida one day.


Dean McKinney

Honey Nut Cheerios Pulls Bee Mascot

Buzz the Bee, longtime mascot of Honey Nut Cheerios, has been removed from the box to raise awareness of the world's sharply declining bee population. What do you think?

You always hear stories of these mass bee die-offs, but you never think it's going to happen to a bee you know.


Philip Revell

Honey Nut Cheerios Pulls Bee Mascot

Luckily the message about our fragile biome is getting to people who don't have time to cook a decent breakfast.


Fatima Jorgensen

Honey Nut Cheerios Pulls Bee Mascot

This is just like when the Cookie Crisp Cookie Crook went away to teach us about criminal sentencing reform.


Grant Tobin

Sesame Street Introduces Autistic Character

This April, Sesame Street will introduce a character named Julia who is diagnosed with autism. What do you think?


Patti Wentz

I'm still waiting for them to introduce a character like my kid who's a little shithead.


Tony McCullough

That reminds me: Did that one puppet's dad ever get out of the clink?


Pat Siskind

Fashion Week Diversity Improving

The year 2017 was the most inclusive one yet for both New York and London Fashion Week, with 12 trans models, 30 plus-size models, and 21 models over 50. What do you think?

Why? Those categories of human beings don't buy clothing.


Joanie Boor

Fashion Week Diversity Improving

I never thought I'd see the day when I'd feel so inferior to such a diverse array of people.


Derek Wolk

Fashion Week Diversity Improving

And yet there's still no short, ugly models on the runway.


Cailee Wemble

Parrots Support Theory That Laughter Is Contagious

While researchers have long theorized that laughter is contagious in humans, a new study of the kea parrot in New Zealand has found that they too respond in kind to play calls more often than other types of calls. What do you think?

Nothing boosts my mood like a reflexive reaction to stimuli from a fellow member of my species.


Ross Yount

I'd always just assumed that if any bird enjoyed laughing as much as humans, it would be the turkey vulture.


Mike Habren

I'll take that fun fact and raise you another: Did you know that five people died during the construction of the Empire State Building?


Marvin Wenigar

Girls Banned From Flight For Wearing Leggings

Two preteen girls were banned from a United flight for wearing leggings in violation of the airline's dress code, actions that United has defended. What do you think?

First they tell us we can't destroy the smoke alarm in the bathroom, and now this?


Jordan Laredo

You can't expect an airline to have such a broad, vague contract of carriage and not test it out every once in a while.


Evelyn Baskell

I'm with United on this one. This is air travel, not some pornography film!


Larissa Bonner

World's Largest Dinosaur Print Found In Australia

Paleontologists in Australia's Jurassic Park have found the largest dinosaur footprint ever discovered, a sauropod print measuring 5 feet 9 inches. What do you think?

This is a major development in understanding which way this one particular sauropod was headed!


Wesley Doris

My compliments to whichever eagle-eyed scientist spotted the enormous hole in the middle of the park.


Graham Koenig

I'm confident I could take some really funny photos with that.


Nina Donelan

Bathroom Bill' Will Cost North Carolina $3.7 Billion

The Associated Press found that North Carolina's Bathroom Bill will amount to $3.7 billion in lost business over 12 years, due to the NCAA, PayPal, and other major corporations boycotting the state for its restrictions on LGBT rights. What do you think?

But can you really put a price on making people feel alone and afraid?


Ryan Hopper

Look, sometimes you just have to take a stand for the wrong-headed and oppressive nonsense you believe in.


Chase Berg

I could've terrorized transgender people for half that.


Dick Rawles

Activists Charged For Undercover Planned Parenthood Recordings

David Robert Daleidan and Sandra Merritt, who posed as employees of a fictitious bioresearch company and secretly recorded meetings with Planned Parenthood officials without their consent, were charged with 15 felony counts of violating the privacy of healthcare providers. What do you think?

A fictitious bioresearch company? That's the oldest trick in the book.


Oliver Tenney

You can't film abortion clinics. You can't harass people entering abortion clinics. You can't mail pipe bombs to abortion clinics. What the hell is left to do at an abortion clinic?


Jan LaRoche

No matter what happens, nobody can take away their YouTube views.


Rebecca DiSotto

Study: Breastfeeding Doesn't Make Babies Smarter

A new study found that although there are certain health benefits to breastfeeding babies, there is no apparent cognitive benefit. What do you think?

I don't know. That's not what other moms have screamed at me.


Gil Franks

Yeah, that's books you're thinking of. I often get the two mixed up myself.


Tyler Barton

I guess we'll have to fix Connor's spelling problems another way.


Maria Saunders

Children Suffering Burns From Homemade 'Slime'

With the rising trend of making slime at home out of household products, several children have sustained third-degree burns from direct contact with borax, a cleaning agent used in many slime recipes to achieve a gummy texture. What do you think?


Cash Moriarty

What parent in their right mind would foster their child's interest in the sciences?


Brad Ziolkowski

Marathon Running Could Cause Kidney Injury

A new study showed that after completing a marathon, the vast majority of even otherwise healthy runners suffered acute kidney injury. What do you think?

But then I could tell people how I got the injury!


Carly Johanssen

Whew, I'm glad I heard this before I started training for a marathon but after I mentioned to everyone I was thinking about it.


Lorne Wyndham

Kidney damage might last a lifetime, but glory is forever.


Adam Trowburn

Hardee's, Carl's Jr. End 'Sexy' Ads

Both Hardee's and Carl's Jr. will end their long-running commercials featuring bikini-clad women like Paris Hilton and Kate Upton eating burgers, focusing instead on burger quality in upcoming ads. What do you think?

So now we're all just supposed to blindly guess which burger supermodels prefer to eat on the hood of a car?


Jolene Sipka

Hardee's, Carl's Jr. End 'Sexy' Ads

There's nothing sexier than a certified Angus beef patty.


Riley Lake

Hardee's, Carl's Jr. End 'Sexy' Ads

But there are so few women left who will let me watch them eat.


Nate Bridges

Manatees Removed From Endangered Species List

With over 6,620 manatees recently estimated living in Florida waters, the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service has downgraded manatees from endangered to vulnerable. What do you think?

America has always been pretty hospitable to slow, fat, useless creatures.


Erik Fahnstrom

No kidding. You can't take a speedboat out for a spin down here without nailing at least 30 of those suckers.


Buck Loyet

Facebook Launches Fundraising Feature

With the success of crowdfunding sites such as GoFundMe, Facebook has announced their own new fundraising feature that extracts a transaction fee from each dollar raised. What do you think?

I heard this might be on the horizon, so I've been holding off on contracting any financially disastrous illnesses till now.


Sharon Blake

Facebook Launches Fundraising Feature

That's great. I love GoFundMe, but I get nervous if I have to navigate away from Facebook for too long.


Angelo Harmon

Facebook Launches Fundraising Feature

Having all my online acts of desperation consolidated on one website will be so convenient.


Meredith Long

Twitter Changes Egg Avatar To Remove Troll Connotations

Twitter's default egg avatar, often associated with abusive and anonymous online trolls, will be changed to the shadowy outline of a person to encourage users to personalize the image. What do you think?

It's great to see that Twitter is committed to real, lasting change.


Fritz Holden

The egg never adequately conveyed the menace I bring to online discourse anyway.


Bobby LaRue

I'll just continue to use Jeremy Renner's picture.


Leroy Diwald

Kentucky Temporarily Barred From Closing Only Abortion Clinic

A judge has granted Kentucky's only remaining abortion clinic a temporary 14-day restraining order against Governor Matt Bevin, who is attempting to shutter the facility. What do you think?

Seems like now's a good opportunity for some enterprising individual to go open up Kentucky's second abortion clinic.


Brad Covington

It's so unfair that Governor Bevin is being forced to keep something alive just because the law gives him no other option.


Bess Gowers

Ugh, I need an abortion, but the lines are going to be nuts.


Louise Goodsin

NHL Will Forgo 2018 Winter Olympics

The NHL will not release players to participate in the 2018 Winter Olympics in Pyeongchang, South Korea, unwilling to halt their regular season without sufficient incentive. What do you think?

But without Anže Kopitar, Slovenia's national team has no chance!


Taylor Meineke

NHL Will Forgo 2018 Winter Olympics

What kind of professional athletic organization would the NHL be if they didn't value their financial interests over players' wishes?


Jay Ridley

NHL Will Forgo 2018 Winter Olympics

It'll take more than a contract dispute to keep the New Jersey Devils out of South Korea.


Jeremy Tomasin

Judge: Plausible That Trump Incited Riots

A judge has agreed that there is sufficient evidence in a lawsuit three injured protesters are bringing against President Trump for inciting and encouraging violence against them at a Kentucky rally. What do you think?

If telling people to do something that they then go and do is 'inciting,' well, then yes.


Marla Cagan

I forget, was that the 48th or 49th thing that completely doomed his campaign?


Bruno Denner

It's better to wait until someone is commander in chief before committing violence on their behalf.


Francesca Nunez

NYC Losing Residents

U.S. Census records show that since 2010, more than 1 million people, or 4.4 percent of the city's population, has left New York for other parts of the country. What do you think?

You can only be in New York for so long before you have to leave and tell everyone how much better it is.


Billy O'Doyle

NYC Losing Residents

But New York has so much wonderful, unaffordable culture to offer.


Frank Chaska

NYC Losing Residents

When Des Moines chews them up and spits them out, they'll come crawling back.


Sydney Magar

Steve Bannon Removed From Security Council

Chief Strategist Steve Bannon has been removed from his permanent seat on the principals committee of the National Security Council, possibly signaling his diminishing role in the administration. What do you think?

Now we'll never get to see all that he would have accomplished.


Bart Halperin

It must be tough letting go of a position your boss recklessly broke so many standards of protocol to put you in.


Marcus Gralen

A charismatic guy like that can bounce back from anything.


Carl Sellers

New Zealand Post To Deliver KFC

To combat the decline in letters being mailed, New Zealand's postal service will begin delivering Kentucky Fried Chicken to citizens' homes. What do you think?

But I thought the New Zealand Post and KFC hated each other!


Barb Clowney

New Zealand Post To Deliver KFC

This might cause traditional mail to be seen as napkins.


Marlon Rafferty

New Zealand Post To Deliver KFC

As a general rule, I try not to eat chicken out of a mailbox anymore.


Steve Maier

Writers Guild Of America Prepares To Strike

After negotiations stalled on a $178 million annual contract, the Writers Guild of America has announced plans to strike if no deal is reached by May 1. What do you think?

Please don't. I really can't pay attention to the world right now.


Cory Hooks

I'll cross picket lines if someone will produce this screenplay about my roommates and I hanging out.


Carrie Willen

A fast-approaching deadline with hundreds of millions of dollars on the line? Could they be any more derivative?


Jeffrey Markle

Barry Manilow Comes Out As Gay

At age 73, singer-songwriter Barry Manilow has announced publicly for the first time that he is gay. What do you think?

My homophobic friends who have all his albums will be devastated.


Shauna Rogan

Barry Manilow Comes Out As Gay

Wow, you think you know a guy who performed in bathhouses as Bette Midler's pianist.


Seth Doolittle

Barry Manilow Comes Out As Gay

For me, the mystery was part of the allure.


Kiki Caplan

Payless Files For Bankruptcy

Shoe retailer Payless is the latest in a line of major brands to declare Chapter 11 bankruptcy, citing an industry shift toward online shopping. What do you think?

I'm not surprised. Once they also started selling socks they took their eye off the ball.


Ramsey Bateman

Payless Files For Bankruptcy

Luckily, I go barefoot most of the summer.


Samuel Dybek

Payless Files For Bankruptcy

There must be some way to convince people to start leaving their houses again.


Seth Robles

United Drags Doctor Off Flight

After no passengers volunteered to deplane an overbooked United flight, a doctor was forcibly dragged from his seat by security, bloodied by resultant injuries. What do you think?

Come on, that doctor knew what he was getting himself into when he exchanged money for a service.


Susan Tenkin

United Drags Doctor Off Flight

As a fellow human being, I'm disgusted. As a United MileagePlus member, I see both sides.


Barry Whitcomb

United Drags Doctor Off Flight

Oh no. United has a taste for blood now.


Craig Norbert

Malala Named Youngest UN Messenger Of Peace

Already a recipient of the Nobel Peace Prize in 2014, 19-year-old Pakistani activist Malala Yousafzai has been named the youngest ever UN Messenger of Peace. What do you think?

I always worry about these superstar child activists washing out in adulthood.


Eva Launer

Malala is indeed a worthy adversary of Griselda, the UN Messenger of Chaos and Violence.


Roger McLeran

She shouldn't get cocky. The world is filled with super peaceful kids who could easily smash that record.


Edna Cassey

Gorsuch Sworn In As Supreme Court Justice

Trump nominee Neil M. Gorsuch has been confirmed by 54-45 vote and sworn in as the 113th Supreme Court justice. What do you think?

I still can't believe Merrick Garland died so suddenly.


Phil Ruteledge

It just goes to show that if you study hard and apply yourself and the Western world suffers a string of catastrophic lapses in judgement, the sky's the limit.


Jack Masrey

Charging Bull' Artist Objects To Placement Of 'Fearless Girl'

The sculptor of the famous Wall Street Charging Bull statue has taken issue with the new Fearless Girl statue placed directly across from it, deeming it copyright infringement that distorts the message of his work. What do you think?

It's important to have such critical discussions about Wall Street.


Dylan James

Charging Bull' shouldn't have to endure such indignities as tourists photograph themselves fondling its genitals.


Hattie Harbeck

Maybe we can commission a third statue of someone reassuring 'Charging Bull' that he's still really great?


Kirby Jones

Brain Scan Could Reveal Content Of Dreams

A recent study found that a certain hot zone in the brain indicates not only when a person is dreaming, but even the basic content of that dream. What do you think?

No thank you. The things I choose to voice consciously have made me enough of an outcast.


Harvey Sanger

This could save me a lot of time trying to explain how the house in my dream wasn't actually my house, but it was like I knew it was my house, you know?


Leslie Lambert

The brain truly is the window to the mind.


Aaron Bertram

Trans Fat Ban Saving Lives

Three years after a ban on trans fats was enacted throughout New York, data shows that heart attacks and strokes have lowered by six percent, saving many lives. What do you think?

My cause of death is none of the government's business!


Jose LaCond

Trans Fat Ban Saving Lives

Without trans fats, it's been hard getting the recommended daily allotment of synthetic monoglycerides into my diet.


Monica Stempenauher

Trans Fat Ban Saving Lives

I trust American ingenuity will develop new fats to kill us.


Jane Lorrie

Study: Touchscreens Cause Babies To Lose Sleep

A new study has found that infants and toddlers lose 16 minutes of sleep at night for every hour they spend using touchscreens during the day, possibly due to overstimulation. What do you think?

I was thinking my baby looked a little haggard.


Scotty Gralin

The sensory rapture of the Peekaboo Barn app hardly lets me rest these days either.


Harold Goudy

No big deal. There's plenty of apps out there to help you fall back to sleep.


Sheri Pippin

Immigrant Arrests Increase Under Trump

The Washington Post reports that immigrant arrests have climbed 32.6 percent under the Trump administration, and arrests of undocumented immigrants with no criminal record have more than doubled. What do you think?

See? He's doing exactly what he promised, altered, retracted, and promised again.


Frank Longou

Immigrant Arrests Increase Under Trump

I can't really make any judgments until I look through their mug shots and see if they look like criminals.


Ronnie Lowman

Immigrant Arrests Increase Under Trump

They knew the risks when we elected him.


Ethan Riddell

New Device Turns Air Into Water

Scientists have developed a new solar-powered device capable of drawing drinkable water out of low-humidity atmospheres, even dry desert air. What do you think?


Kenny Owens

New Device Turns Air Into Water

It's a great product idea, but the people-without-clean-water demographic just isn't profitable.


Denise Fisher

New Device Turns Air Into Water

I hate to break it to them, but one of these things has been running in my basement for the last 15 years.


Todd Wirtz

Giraffe Gives Birth Before Live Audience

Adventure Park in New York has confirmed that April, the giraffe whose pregnancy has captivated the online community via live webcam since February, has given birth to a healthy male, an event seen by 1.2 million people live online. What do you think?

I've still got 560 hours of the pregnancy to catch up on first!


Cory Leigh

Not as good as the live panda births I've seen, but definitely still worth checking out if you can.


Christine Linnegan

I was hoping to see a zookeeper get mauled.


Debbie Pashkin

U.K. Seeks Early Election Before Brexit

Less than halfway through the government's current term, British Prime Minister Theresa May has called for an early election to gain strength in upcoming Brexit talks, explaining that The country is coming together, but Westminster is not. What do you think?

I like a visit to my polling place as much as the next person, but this is ridiculous.


Seymour Langham

U.K. Seeks Early Election Before Brexit

They could learn a thing or two from the American system in which you're stuck with your choices until they kill you.


Simon Ludlow

U.K. Seeks Early Election Before Brexit

If there's one way to ensure unity, it's an election.


Nolan Perry

Uber Pressured To Allow Tipping

New York City's Independent Drivers Guild might soon require Uber to include a tipping option, as it could amount to $300 million in added earnings for drivers each year. What do you think?


Angelika Wagner

Uber Pressured To Allow Tipping

If Uber forces me to hit even one extra button throughout my ride, I'm deleting the app.


Rusty Baker

Uber Pressured To Allow Tipping

Uber drivers are crazy if they expect a tip on top of the doggy bag of pizza I leave in their backseat by mistake.


Ward Johnson

Starbucks Debuts 'Unicorn Frappuccino'

Capitalizing on the internet trend of brightly colored unicorn food amidst lagging sales, Starbucks has debuted a Unicorn Frappuccino with colorful layers and whipped cream with a dusting of sparkly sugars. What do you think?

I was just looking for a colorful new way of making my barista's job harder!


Maude Richards

Starbucks Debuts 'Unicorn Frappuccino'

Hopefully this product is a hit, as some executive's job is clearly riding on it.


Hal Burnett

Starbucks Debuts 'Unicorn Frappuccino'

I'm willing to cut some pink dust and blue drizzle out of other areas of my diet to make room for this.


Perry Wills

Kevin Spacey To Host Tony Awards

Actor Kevin Spacey, who won one of the prestigious theater awards in 1991 for his role in Lost In Yonkers, will host the 71st annual Tony Awards this June. What do you think?

I wish they would finally just hire a permanent host so we didn't have to learn some new guy's name every year.


Aaron Cliff

Kevin Spacey To Host Tony Awards

I remember seeing him on Broadway years ago and thinking, 'this guy's going to host the Tonys to promote a TV show one day.'


Missy Belder

Kevin Spacey To Host Tony Awards

Can I have have just one day to myself without some goddamn stranger stopping me for my thoughts on Kevin fucking Spacey?


Vinnie Ross

Serena Williams Pregnant

After posing a Snapchat announcement and then quickly deleting it, tennis star Serena Williams has confirmed she is pregnant. What do you think?

I hate when I'm forced to think of an athlete as anything more than an optimally functional sports-playing machine.


Aleks Stavros

Serena Williams Pregnant

Next time my wife whines about a difficult pregnancy, I'll tell her to win a Grand Slam in the first trimester.


Tori Bava

Serena Williams Pregnant

I can't wait to see what Serena's children will be forced to excel at!


Phoebe McCann

Study: Psychedelics Lead To 'Higher State Of Consciousness'

Scientists have found that psychedelic drugs such as LSD increase the mathematical diversity of brain activity, thus achieving a higher state of consciousness. What do you think?

And then the next thing you know, you're addicted to consciousness.


Reid Waller

Why would I want to break down boundaries I've spent my entire life building up?


Keith Anthony

Umbilical Cord Could Repair Memory

A protein compound found in human umbilical cords was recently shown to rejuvenate the brain function of aging mice. What do you think?

If only there were a less mucusy fountain of youth.


Greg Milnes

Umbilical Cord Could Repair Memory

Can't we just skip the middleman and let the elderly feast directly on the young?


Georgia Palmer

Umbilical Cord Could Repair Memory

I find it's easier to just write little notes for myself.


Julie Soren

McDonald's To Introduce Mobile Ordering

Following in the footsteps of Panera, Domino's, and Starbucks, McDonald's reportedly plans to have mobile ordering and curbside pickup available at all of its U.S. locations by the end of 2017. What do you think?

Finally, I'll no longer have to endure the shame of uttering my order out loud.


Derek Parsons

McDonald's To Introduce Mobile Ordering

This makes the months I devoted to building a close rapport with my McDonald's cashier feel like such a waste.


Marcus Connolly

McDonald's To Introduce Mobile Ordering

Looks like someone just found a way around a lifetime ban!


Chuck Dooley

Diet Soda Linked To Stroke, Dementia Risks

Drinking diet soda has recently been shown to increase risk of both stroke and dementia, perhaps due to artificial sweetening agents blocking blood vessels. What do you think?

How many calories does having a stroke burn?


Parker Samson

I can certainly see how the sensory overload from processing that crisp, refreshing flavor can take its toll on the brain.


Joe Dina

So what? I don't drink it to make my mind look good.


Dennis Kamp

Opioid Deaths Could Be Underestimated

According to the CDC, the U.S. opioid crisis might be even deadlier than previously thought, as these drugs are not recorded as a cause of death in many opioid-related fatalities. What do you think?

Good to know. I'll read the obituaries more skeptically now.


Benjamin Rodie

Opioid Deaths Could Be Underestimated

On the plus side, the spontaneous respiratory failure epidemic could be less severe than we thought.


Tasha Cook

Opioid Deaths Could Be Underestimated

Let's not let these deaths have been for nothing. Somebody, please, use this to your political advantage.


Simon Govro

Hash Browns Recalled For 'Extraneous Golf Ball Materials'

McCain Foods USA has recalled frozen hash browns sold at Roundy's and Harris Teeter due to golf ball pieces that may have been harvested along with the potatoes used in the product. What do you think?

Before getting too outraged, it's important to remember hashing is a science that's still being perfected.


Bethany Caldwell

With any processed food, you just have to accept there's going to be a certain amount of sporting equipment in there.


Burt Conlan

There's no greater shame as a golfer than having to retrieve your ball from a water hazard or thousands of hash brown packages.


Dale Ewert

Astronaut Sets NASA Record For Most Days In Space

Breaking the previous record of 534 days, NASA astronaut Peggy Whitson has now spent more time in space than any other American. What do you think?

Once you get a taste of that stale, recycled air and oppressively silent void, nothing else will do.


Carl Finney

At some point you have to wonder what she's running away from.


Martha Brodsky

I just hope the prolonged isolation doesn't cause her to unseal the airlock and float off into the abyss like the last record-holder.


Jake Manship

Hospital Denies Teen's Transplant Due To Marijuana Use

A 19-year-old Utah man was turned down for a lung transplant after testing positive for marijuana use, a controversial policy still enforced by many hospitals. What do you think?

This is exactly what you get for doing something that's increasingly considered legal and relatively harmless.


Harold Kiefer

We have to get serious about teaching our youth the importance of clean urine.


Dorah Reid

It's a tough policy, but necessary if we want people to understand the dangers of healthcare use.


Beth Ciarelli

Plastic-Eating Caterpillar Discovered

Scientists have discovered that wax moth larvae are capable of digesting polyethylene, an ingredient in many plastics, offering a potential solution to the world's plastic waste problem. What do you think?

See, I knew nature would find a way to clean up our mess.


Dave Kutulakis

Plastic-Eating Caterpillar Discovered

It's about time we replaced disgusting landfills with acres of beautiful, garbage-covered bug farms.


Amos Bartsch

Plastic-Eating Caterpillar Discovered

Sure. If you feed enough animals plastic, you're bound to get lucky sooner or later.


Albert Vickers

Chobani Sues Alex Jones For Defamation

Yogurt producer Chobani has filed a defamation suit against right-wing pundit Alex Jones over his repeated accusations that the company is importing migrant rapists. What do you think?

Sorry, but free speech means you can say whatever you want about dairy.


Jill Hurley

Chobani Sues Alex Jones For Defamation

This suit will likely hinge on the wealth of case law concerning claims that yogurt is made by rapists.


Scott Schneeman

Chobani Sues Alex Jones For Defamation

I hope none of Jones' comments were about Chobani being too thick, or else I'd be forced to take his side in this.


Devin Prokash

Fetal Lambs Kept Alive Inside Artificial Uterus

Doctors have succeeded in keeping lamb fetuses alive for weeks inside plastic sacks of amniotic fluid, a technology they believe could one day help premature human babies survive. What do you think?

I always assumed we'd replace women with something slightly more high-tech than a plastic sack.


Craig Bethea

The real question is how these animals will develop if they grow up believing their mother is a bag of hot water.


Christine Munn

Whatever they have to do to keep that lamb meat nice and tender.


Holly Barthelme

Scientists Constructing Bricks From Simulated Martian Soil

To demonstrate how humans might one day build structures on the red planet, scientists have used dirt that mimics the composition of Martian soil to make highly durable bricks. What do you think?

With that out of the way, getting to Mars, protecting against deadly cosmic radiation, and learning to breathe on the surface should be a breeze.


Lloyd Asbury

I'd love a little red-brick Colonial on the edge of the Schiaparelli impact crater.


Sean Lutz

Am I the only one who still has any confidence in Earth?


Janet Wiedeman

NASA Running Out Of Spacesuits

With only 11 Extravehicular Mobility Unit spacesuits left, and without funding to replace them, NASA is in danger of having too few suits to continue routine missions. What do you think?

Maybe NASA should've thought about that before they decided to have only marginal military applications.


Devin Garrity

NASA Running Out Of Spacesuits

Have they tried Goodwill? They usually have something with a few space walks left in it.


Richard Punke

NASA Running Out Of Spacesuits


Monica Withers

Amazon Camera Offers Personalized Fashion Advice

Amazon has announced Echo Look, a $200 device that uses machine learning and advice from fashion specialists to offer critiques and suggestions about a person's wardrobe. What do you think?

Just like any woman, I'm always looking for ways to make being judged on my appearance new and exciting.


Andrew Levitt

I don't think I'm strong enough to receive fashion advice from something that knows neither compassion nor pity.


Eugene Parnes

If it plans to dish it out like that, it sure as hell better be able to take it.


Ben Wilde

Fitbit Used As Evidence In Murder Trial

A Connecticut man has been charged with his wife's murder after data taken from her Fitbit activity tracker helped contradict his claim that a stranger broke into their home and killed her. What do you think?

Used to be that you could trust your personal electronics to keep quiet.


Michelle Sigerson

Fitbit Used As Evidence In Murder Trial

Sure, it helped this time. But what you don't hear about are all the murders Fitbit has caused.


James Lisy

Fitbit Used As Evidence In Murder Trial

It was the least it could do after failing in its promise to help her live longer.


Gren Flannes

Elon Musk Launches Underground Roadway Company

SpaceX and Tesla CEO Elon Musk has revealed a new tunneling venture known as The Boring Company, with the goal of creating underground networks of roads to alleviate traffic congestion. What do you think?

Elon Musk is truly one of America's greatest company-starters.


Angela Corson

Why not? If man can soar through the sky like a glorious eagle, surely he can claw through the dirt like a common rat.


Gerald Cook

Someday Elon's going to realize that no transportation innovation will help him escape himself.


Martha Torres

Jeff Goldblum Tapped For 'Jurassic World' Sequel

Actor Jeff Goldblum will reportedly reprise his 1993 role as mathematician Dr. Ian Malcolm in the upcoming Jurassic World sequel. What do you think?

Whew. For a second I was worried this movie might contain some element I wasn't already completely familiar with.


Robert Kingsley

This could be just the thing to get that holdout raptor from the original onboard.


Stan Ueland

Putting his character through this again just shows how shallow an understanding the writers have of dinosaur-related trauma.


Stephanie Lyons

Humpback Whale Deaths Spike On East Coast

With 41 of the mammals washing ashore since early 2016, the East Coast is experiencing an unexplained spike in humpback whale deaths. What do you think?

I'm sure there's a simple, terrifying explanation we just haven't thought of yet.


Ryan Bauer

What a fine gift Poseidon did bring us that we may never go hungry for the rest of our days!


Frank Hartney

I'm not going to answer any more questions without a lawyer present.


Nicole Roeder

Tolstoy Adaptation Leads 2017 Tony Nominations

Based on a section of Leo Tolstoy's War And Peace, the musical Natasha, Pierre & The Great Comet Of 1812 will compete for 12 Tony Awards on June 11. What do you think?

This should help the producers save some face after only managing to adapt about 70 pages of the book.


Jason Purcell

Meanwhile, my Anna Karenina musical is stuck in development hell.


Josh Levine

After Hamilton, there's no way I'm pretending to give a shit about the Tonys for the second year in a row.


Justin Myers

Red Sox Consider Banning Racist Fans

After some Boston fans shouted racial slurs at a Baltimore Orioles player, Red Sox management announced they were considering lifetime bans for fans who demonstrate racist conduct. What do you think?

These racists are giving a bad name to the time-honored tradition of being thrown out of a baseball game.


Anthony Doran

Red Sox Consider Banning Racist Fans

Forcing someone out onto the streets of Boston is as cruel as punishments get.


Melanie Byrne

Red Sox Consider Banning Racist Fans

I knew one way or another racial slurs would move me up the season ticket waiting list.


Justine Kemper

Study: Humans Were In America 100,000 Years Earlier Than Previously Thought

By studying mastodon bones for evidence of human activity, paleontologists have determined humans might have lived in America as early as 130,000 years ago. What do you think?

Let's not rush to any conclusions. I've been burned by mastodon bones before.


Jeff Berkeley

Can't scientists just be right about something the first time for once?


Adam Jendro

Researchers Using Frog Mucus To Fight Flu Virus

Scientists have found that mucus secreted by certain frog species contains peptides capable of killing the flu virus in mice. What do you think?

You don't have to tell me about the benefits of mucus.


Tracy Vargas

I always love a good story about interspecies fluid exchange.


Brian McGraw

Facebook Hires 3,000 Moderators To Screen Violent Videos

Facebook announced plans to hire 3,000 more moderators to remove videos of violent crimes from the website more quickly. What do you think?

That's okay. There are still more than enough MMA clips going around to satisfy my bloodlust.


Julia Callahan

I'm not comfortable with the idea of some random moderator viewing my violent content.


Jonathan Lang

Say what you will, but broadcasting violence just created 3,000 new jobs.


Eileen Hayes

Macron Wins French Election

Despite a last-minute hacking attack on his campaign, Emmanuel Macron easily defeated Marine Le Pen to win the French presidential election. What do you think?

This serves as a valuable lesson to never leave your campaign hacking to the last minute.


Geoff Marks

Macron Wins French Election

This is a victory not only for Macron, but also for people who voted for Macron.


Robert Laslovich

Macron Wins French Election


Alexis Scott

Sustainable Tires Made From Tomato Peels, Eggshells

Scientists have found that tomato peels and eggshells can be mixed with rubber to create environmentally friendly tires free of petroleum. What do you think?

This should buy us a few extra weeks of breathable air in 2035.


Martin Gavin

As long as this doesn't involve a new bin to sort my garbage into, I'm game.


Benjamin Leary

Stephen Hawking: Humans Have 100 Years Left

Updating his prediction that humans will go extinct in the next 1,000 years, physicist Stephen Hawking now states that we have only a century left on earth. What do you think?

Sure. Any life form would go extinct with that attitude.


Shanna Zangl

I'm getting real tired of resetting my doomsday clock.


Patrick Schroeder

The sun is at its most beautiful just before it sets.


David Rodie

New App Adds Virtual Statues Of Iconic Women To Cities

A new app called The Whole Story uses augmented reality and GPS to add virtual statues of notable women to cities. What do you think?

It's about time women got the simulated recognition they deserve.


Nicole Meudon

Finally, I can take all the fun of a trip to Seneca Falls with me wherever I go!


Derek Schoepp

If I can't capture them, collect them, and train them to fight, I'm not interested.


Travis Welke

Trump Fires FBI Director Comey

Donald Trump has fired FBI Director James Comey, who was leading the federal investigation of Russian interference in the 2016 election. What do you think?

This brazen, amateurish, self-incriminating act is why America loves Donald Trump.


Emma Maughan

Trump Fires FBI Director Comey

Ah, how the mighty have been forcibly removed under suspicious circumstances.


Rob Helwig

Trump Fires FBI Director Comey

This is definitely the craziest thing Trump did between 5 and 9 p.m. yesterday.


Abigail Withers

NBC Airing 'Jesus Christ Superstar Live!'

NBC has scheduled a live version of the 1971 Broadway musical Jesus Christ Superstar for Easter 2018. What do you think?

As if I wasn't excited enough for next Easter.


Geoff Byrnes

I doubt it will be as good as the Springdale Stagecoach Players version.


Patrick Ogilvie

Call me when a TV network grows the balls to cater to the godless.


Will Berrebbi

Low Doses Of THC Could Restore Brain Function In Older Mice

Researchers found that geriatric mice treated with low doses of THC, the active ingredient in marijuana, showed improved cognitive function. What do you think?

I'm sick of scientists always ripping off my mouse studies.


Damien Clark

I didn't even know insufficiently intelligent old mice were a problem.


Gloria Kurzweil

What, those pansies can't handle more than one hit?


Doug Salerno

Bill Clinton Co-Authoring Novel With James Patterson

Bill Clinton is collaborating with best-selling author James Patterson on a thriller novel titled The President Is Missing. What do you think?

They're just using Clinton because he's a big name and was kidnapped during his presidency.


Mitch Porter

If any author can turn a former president's unique insight into a novel bound for a $1 bargain bin, it's Patterson.


Kathy Jungman

Ooh, they should set a scene in the Oval Office!


Devin Levine

Amazon Building Homeless Shelter Inside Seattle Headquarters

Partnering with a nonprofit, Amazon is donating 47,000 square feet of space in its new headquarters as permanent housing for the homeless. What do you think?

That's smart. You never know when the next tech bubble is going to burst.


Christine Hutchinson

Nothing motivates employees like being made to look upon society's invisible underclass.


Sam Waite

Anything that makes me feel better about getting a toothbrush mailed across the country.


Jeffrey O'Brien

Hackers Launch Biggest Cyberattack Ever

In the largest cyberattack in history, computers in over 150 countries were infected this weekend by a ransomware virus based on leaked NSA hacking tools. What do you think?

Who would've imagined software designed to spy on us could be used for such an invasion of privacy?


Maura Brenner

Hackers Launch Biggest Cyberattack Ever

This is why I keep my laptop in a locked safe when I'm not using it.


Todd Poryes

Hackers Launch Biggest Cyberattack Ever

Maybe this will be the impetus we need to finally move away from computers.


Charles Haywood

Ibuprofen Linked To Increased Heart Attack Risk

A new study found that when taken regularly, ibuprofen and other common anti-inflammatory painkillers are linked to an increased risk of heart attack. What do you think?

All of that relieved pain has to end up somewhere.


Amanda Kennedy

This is what I get for trying to alleviate the God-given punishment of menstrual cramps.


Zachary Spencer

Looks like the best bet is avoiding pain altogether.


Derek Hamann

Zac Efron To Play Ted Bundy In New Film

Former Disney Channel star Zac Efron will reportedly play Ted Bundy in an upcoming film about the serial killer who murdered at least 30 women in the 1970s. What do you think?

Say what you will about murder, but it's a good way to get a movie made about you.


Steven Custer

Zac Efron To Play Ted Bundy In New Film

Efron should know the way to be taken seriously as an actor isn't stunt casting; it's an untimely death.


Samantha McNulty

Zac Efron To Play Ted Bundy In New Film

What a great way to connect with a whole new generation of Bundy fans!


Dan Apruzzese

Tesla Debuts Solar Roofing Tiles

Electric car manufacturer Tesla has begun taking orders for its new Solar Roof, which the company says will pay for itself by defraying owners' electricity costs. What do you think?

Elon Musk should just stick to cars, Hyperloops, artificial intelligence, online payment systems, tunneling machines, and space exploration.


Michael Neeser

Tesla Debuts Solar Roofing Tiles

Call me old-fashioned, but I prefer my energy to come from ground-up dinosaur bones.


Claire Shokler

Tesla Debuts Solar Roofing Tiles

What's the point? No one is going to benefit from this except future generations.


Patrick Rice

Katy Perry To Be 'American Idol' Judge

Pop singer Katy Perry will take over as a judge on American Idol when ABC brings back the popular musical competition series later this year. What do you think?

I've always said she was this generation's Randy Jackson.


Kate Sartori

Katy Perry To Be 'American Idol' Judge

I hope her originalist interpretation of the Idol charter will reverse the previous judges' overreach.


Wade Fenton

Katy Perry To Be 'American Idol' Judge

She has no right to judge anyone after that lackluster performance at the Kansas City Sprint Center.


Katie Cohen

Robotic Exoskeleton Prevents Elderly From Falling Down

To help prevent common fall-related injuries among elderly people, scientists have built a robotic exoskeleton that senses when the wearer is off-balance and adjusts to keep them upright. What do you think?

Senior citizens are always the most adept users of new technology.


Kenneth Mason

This wouldn't be needed if the elderly would just stay in bed like I've asked.


Mitch Cassidy

When are they going to invent a supportive exoskeleton for the very inebriated?


Eleanor Wallace

Chelsea Manning Released

Army Private Chelsea Manning was released from prison this week after serving seven years of a 35-year sentence for leaking classified information. What do you think?

It's always sad to see a good hashtag go.


Jimmy Kleefeld

Chelsea Manning Released

Chelsea Manning deserves better than reintegration into American society.


Nathan Katers

Chelsea Manning Released

She's going to have to live with the fact she shed light on the plight of innocent civilians for the rest of her life.


Joanna Birkenstock

Study: Healthy Foods Most Likely To Be Thrown Out

Researchers found that Americans throw out a disproportionate amount of healthy foods, with fruits and vegetables the most likely to be wasted. What do you think?

In my defense, those radishes were terrible.


Scott Salisbury

Don't guilt me into buying more healthy foods if you're going to guilt me again when I never eat them.


Andrew Kiefer

It's not my fault fruits and vegetables are the most satisfying foods to chuck across a room into an open garbage can.


Brittany Flynn

Trump Takes First Diplomatic Trip

President Donald Trump leaves today for an eight-day diplomatic trip to the Middle East and Europe, his first since entering office. What do you think?

I think we all deserve some time away from America right now.


Brendan Hagerty

Trump Takes First Diplomatic Trip

It'll be good for him to come back in a week and see all these unsolvable problems with fresh eyes.


Stan Siebers

Trump Takes First Diplomatic Trip

He's going to fuck this up somehow, isn't he?


Thomas Dunn

Mice Give Birth Using 3D-Printed Ovaries

In a step toward treatments for human infertility, scientists implanted 3D-printed ovaries into mice, which were then able to give birth using the artificial organs. What do you think?

And I suppose the rest of us will foot the bill for these mice to lie around having baby after baby?


Gwen Breiner

Someday, hopefully every woman, regardless of fertility, can be forced to have a baby.


Kevin Bogdanov

Dennis Quaid Playing George W. Bush In Katrina Drama

Day After Tomorrow star Dennis Quaid will play George W. Bush in the second season of American Crime Story, which will focus on the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina. What do you think?

He probably won't be in too many scenes then.


Josh Beckerman

It's about time somebody profited from that catastrophe.


Cathryn Hauck

I hope this series puts an end to all the misguided nostalgia people have been feeling for Dennis Quaid.


Dale Erokan

Basquiat Painting Sold For Record $110 Million

A painting of a skull by artist Jean-Michel Basquiat sold at Sotheby's for $110.5 million, the most ever paid at auction for work by an American artist. What do you think?

America does skulls better than anybody.


Walter Dunn

Having a sweet skull picture on your wall is fast becoming the exclusive province of the wealthy.


Ryan Filbin

Ringling Bros. Circus Shuts Down

After 146 years, the Greatest Show on Earth came to an end this week as the Ringling Bros. Circus gave its final performance. What do you think?

Its spirit will live on wherever a majestic animal is terrified and confused.


Alyssa Karels

Ringling Bros. Circus Shuts Down

It feels good to finally be able to scratch something off the ol' protest list.


Evan Waldo

Ringling Bros. Circus Shuts Down

I'm confident the clown economy will bounce back with its usual resilience.


Darren Kayne

Swedish Town Votes Against Paid Sex Leave

After making headlines for a proposal to grant workers paid sex breaks, the Swedish town of Overtornea voted last week to reject the law. What do you think?

These Swedes are acting like a bunch of prudish, sheltered Finns.


Marisa Ryder

The people this will hurt most are the low-income sex maniacs who rely on programs like this.


Nicholas Wohl

At least this gives them more time to enjoy the chaste and sober pleasures of office work.


Joshua Hess

FBI Investigating Fyre Festival

The Fyre Festival, which promised guests a luxury music festival experience before stranding them on a deserted island, is being investigated by the FBI for fraud. What do you think?

Charging $5,000 to see Ja Rule should be an instant tipoff that something isn't on the level.


Sadie Wright

FBI Investigating Fyre Festival

I heard the interviews are happening on a luxury island the FBI agents will be flown to in helicopters!


Ernest Schneider

FBI Investigating Fyre Festival

This is why you should only defraud poor people.


Amos McNamee

Resident Evil' Set For Reboot

The studio behind the Resident Evil films has announced they're producing a reboot of the $1.2 billion franchise. What do you think?

When will studios learn that you don't mess with mediocrity?


Fred Luskowitz

Resident Evil' Set For Reboot

Just when you thought the franchise was dead, boom! Someone decided they wanted to be wealthier.


Evelyn Vatter

Resident Evil' Set For Reboot

Is no adaptation of a video game based on another video game sacred anymore?


Leon Klinman

Instagram Worst Social Network For Mental Health

A study of social media sites found that Instagram had the most negative influence on users' mental health. What do you think?

This explains why everyone was so happy before Instagram.


Ellen Sharp

As a fitness model and exotic travel blogger, I have no idea what you're talking about.


Dave Fenton

The researchers obviously haven't seen the way I use LinkedIn.


Evan Stadler

Twitter Co-Founder Apologizes For Role In 2016 Election

Calling the internet broken and saying it helps spread hate speech, Twitter co-founder Evan Williams apologized for his site's role in the 2016 election. What do you think?

At least he realized the error of his ways before any real damage was done.


Craig Rodrigues

The fact that he helped millions of Americans speak their minds will be on Evan WIlliams' conscience forever.


Sarah Richard

I'm just glad the internet will be fixed and ready in time for our next election.


Andrew Stefans

MSNBC Most Popular Cable News Network

After trailing its competitors for years, MSNBC just marked its first week ever as the most watched cable news network, with CNN second and Fox News third. What do you think?

Yeah, but it's kind of shameful how they resorted to cheap eye candy like Chris Hayes to boost ratings.


Nora Sampson

MSNBC Most Popular Cable News Network

It's good to see the underdog of the multi-billion-dollar broadcast corporations pull ahead.


Mark Spell

MSNBC Most Popular Cable News Network

Once you shed Keith Olbermann's dead weight, anything is possible.


Keith Winkelmann

Gianforte Wins Special Election

Republican candidate Greg Gianforte has won Montana's special House election only 24 hours after allegedly assaulting a reporter, an incident for which Gianforte has now apologized. What do you think?

I believe everyone deserves forgiveness once a couple minutes have passed.


Lydia Cohen

Gianforte Wins Special Election

Just as long as he's learned his lesson that he'll never be held accountable for anything.


Benjamin Schedler

Gianforte Wins Special Election

I don't condone violence, but in Gianforte's defense, he didn't know how to answer the question.


Andrea Steinman

Disney's 'World Of Avatar' Theme Park Opens

Based on the 2009 sci-fi film, Disney's Pandora: World of Avatar theme park opened Memorial Day weekend. What do you think?

If it's anything like the Avatar movie, I may have already been there and forgotten about it.


Rick Harvey

Oh man, my kids are going to remain completely neutral when they hear there's an immersive Avatar experience.


Chris Simmons

It'll be amazing to relive the…the scene with the…flying somewhere?


Geoff Winter

Top Gun' Sequel Announced

Tom Cruise announced that a sequel to the 1986 action blockbuster Top Gun will begin filming sometime in the next year. What do you think?

My job as a Navy recruiter is about to get a whole lot easier.


Jason Adan

Top Gun' Sequel Announced

I can't wait to see what's new with Maverick, Charlie, Falcon, Wildfire, Viking, Meathead, Weeble, Mr. Fabulous, and Gunge.


Katie Krewson

Top Gun' Sequel Announced


Greta Hirshman

German Metal Festival Builds Own Beer Pipeline

In order to make the Wacken Open Air metal festival in Germany more environmentally friendly, organizers are building a beer pipeline to supply guests. What do you think?

The only bigger rush than a death metal blast beat is shrinking your carbon footprint.


Doug Fay

Just as long as they remember to minimize foam by tilting the pipeline during pours.


Andrew Flora

Once again, the burden of saving the environment rests on the heavy metal community.


Lukas Glaser

Theater Holding Women-Only Screening Of 'Wonder Woman'

The Alamo Drafthouse in Austin is holding a women-only screening of 'Wonder Woman,' provoking both backlash and support online. What do you think?

Sorry, but if women want me to be an ally, they have to include me in everything.


Devin Carter

Couldn't they get the same effect by just reminding everyone the movie has a female protagonist?


D'arcy Ratliff

As a feminist, I'm happy to know we're still picking the right battles.


Matt Berens

Kathy Griffin Fired For Graphic Anti-Trump Photos

CNN has fired Kathy Griffin from co-hosting its New Year's Eve broadcast over photos of the comedian holding a fake severed head resembling Donald Trump. What do you think?

Doesn't a forced apology count for anything anymore?


Nicholas Beachum

She should've known that CNN doesn't tolerate sensationalism.


Sarah Cutler

Luckily, if there's anyone who can win her way back into our hearts, it's Kathy Griffin.


Katherine Foster

Adam Carolla Crowdfunding 'No Safe Spaces' Movie

Former Man Show co-host Adam Carolla is crowdfunding No Safe Spaces, a movie critical of political correctness on college campuses. What do you think?

It's good that crowdfunding sites are enabling people to seek out safe, supportive environments to pursue their creative projects.


Tom Zirzow

This will be a great way to expose today's youth to the fraught, controversial subject of Adam Carolla.


Gerard Nielsen

This is exactly why Adam Carolla is America's most beloved humorist!


Joshua Fullman

Climate Change Could Cause Sleep Deprivation

Scientists estimate that rising temperatures will lead to a worldwide increase in sleeplessness and related health problems. What do you think?

Yeah, my sleeping patterns are really sensitive to the health of the global coral population.


Julie Browning

We'd better step up our efforts to save the climate now, before everyone's too cranky.


Sam Retherford

I was really hoping the collapse of civilization would be a chance to catch up on some shut-eye.


Kristen Clausen

British Radio Stations Ban Anti–Theresa May Song

Liar Liar GE2017, a song that criticizes Prime Minister Theresa May, has been banned from UK radio stations due to rules requiring them to remain politically neutral. What do you think?

It's like none of these people have even read the U.S. Constitution.


Stephen Voukydis

But now where will people get their surface-level critique of a complexly flawed candidate before heading to the polls?


Paul Barrera

And yet they still can't find time to honor my 'Black Hole Sun' request.


Doug Pennacchia

Studio Ghibli Opening Anime Theme Park

Japanese animator Studio Ghibli, the maker of Spirited Away and Princess Mononoke, is building a theme park based on its films, with plans to open next decade. What do you think?

Good luck getting the Japanese interested in an immersive entertainment experience with cute, colorful characters.


Rick Willette

Studio Ghibli Opening Anime Theme Park

As long as there's a roller coaster that explores the same themes of environmental stewardship and familial piety as their films, I'm sold.


Lauren Austin

Studio Ghibli Opening Anime Theme Park

My pretentious 7-year-old will love this.


Ben Sorley

NASA Planning First Mission To Sun

NASA has set a summer 2018 launch date for its Parker Solar Probe, which will be the first spacecraft to explore the sun at close range. What do you think?

After all the sun's given us, a visit is the least we can do.


Lauren Clyne

NASA Planning First Mission To Sun

Why are they launching in summer when the sun is just going to be that much hotter?


Paul Soroka

NASA Planning First Mission To Sun

Once again, a machine takes a job that a person could be doing.


Vanessa Powell

Wonder Woman' Sets Box Office Record

DC's Wonder Woman took in $100.5 million during its opening weekend, making it the highest-grossing domestic debut of all time for a female director. What do you think?

As a woman, it's so gratifying to finally be recognized as a demographic worth targeting.


Jeff DiCicco

Wonder Woman' Sets Box Office Record

This proves that a strong, independent woman can shit out any commercial tripe a man can.


Ryan Michener

Wonder Woman' Sets Box Office Record

Hollywood can no longer deny that blockbusters make money.


Ashley Marks

Study: Hot Water Not Better For Washing Hands

Researchers studying the effects of water temperature on hand-washing have found that hot water is no better at killing bacteria than cold water. What do you think?

That's nice, but I already have an opposing belief that hot water does work better.


Jerrod Lynch

Who am I going to trust, scientists or the Baskin Robbins employee orientation video?


Brian Choy

Harvard Rescinds Admission Offers Over Offensive Memes

At least 10 incoming Harvard freshman have had their admission offers revoked for sharing offensive memes on a private Facebook group. What do you think?

This is more proof that book smarts don't always equal meme smarts.


Mark Hess

It's just as well. Even if they had gotten in, no fraternity would accept someone who joked about sexual assault.


Irene Hamlett

I hope these students learned that such callous, condescending behavior is completely unbecoming of our country's wealthy elite.


Carly Chappell

Apple Unveils 'HomePod' Smart Speaker

Following Google Home and Amazon Echo, Apple has unveiled its own smart speaker, the HomePod, which will go on sale this December. What do you think?


Tim Filbin

Apple Unveils 'HomePod' Smart Speaker

I'm interested, but I'll have to run it by Alexa and Google Assistant first to see if they're cool with it.


James Hummel

Apple Unveils 'HomePod' Smart Speaker

It looks like Acer's chances of cornering the smart speaker market are getting slimmer and slimmer.


Emily Bowman

Woman Who Leaked Report On Election Hacking Arrested

A federal contractor in Georgia has been arrested for leaking a classified NSA report on Russia's alleged election hacking to The Intercept. What do you think?

She deserves to be punished to the fullest extent of the laws she was trying to protect.


Keaton Weiss

That seems a little harsh, considering most people are barely even going to skim through the report.


Brian Rainone

Let this be a lesson to anyone who holds the truth in high regard.


Henry Firer

Man Dies After Swimming With New Tattoo

A 31-year-old Texas man died of septic shock after his new tattoo became infected while swimming in the Gulf of Mexico. What do you think?


Ryan Eakin

Man Dies After Swimming With New Tattoo

The saddest part is actually having a great tattoo story and not being around to tell it.


Jocelyn Chern

Man Dies After Swimming With New Tattoo

The ocean has a unique plan for killing each and every one of us.


Brandon Tewalt

Conservatives Lose Majority In UK Election

In a surprise ending to the UK election, the Conservative Party lost their majority in Parliament, which could complicate the country's planned exit from the European Union. What do you think?

This is either a wakeup call, a red flag, or completely irrelevant for American leaders.


Laura Zigmund

This should give hope to U.S. Democrats that they too can come back and win an election after blowing a bigger, more important election.


Scott Townsend

Hey, the possibility of returning to monarchical rule is always there if they need it.


Sam Richie

Reflecting Pool Drained After Duckling Deaths

Authorities announced plans to drain and decontaminate the Lincoln Memorial Reflecting Pool after 80 ducklings died from snail-borne parasites. What do you think?

I guess I'll just have to stare pensively into the Dupont Circle Fountain in the meantime.


Julianne Lendway

I see the statement about the current political climate nature is going for here, but the metaphor honestly seems a little heavy-handed.


Andrew Morris

This is a black mark on Lincoln's legacy.


Brandon Wescott

Facebook Ads Can Target Emotionally Vulnerable Teens

An internal report obtained by an Australian newspaper states that Facebook is able to specifically target young people who feel insecure or worthless with ads. What do you think?

At least someone is capable of reaching my son.


Melanie Glazer

Sometimes when you're feeling worthless you just need someone to remind you that data has never looked better with the Samsung Galaxy S8.


Anthony Posner

I'm pretty good at recognizing isolated weirdos on Facebook too.


Jacqueline Cross

Fossils Suggest Human Species At Least 315,000 Years Old

315,000-year-old Moroccan fossils have been determined to belong to early Homo sapiens, making the human race 100,000 years older than previously estimated. What do you think?

Now that I know we had an extra 100,000 years to come up with it, I'm no longer impressed by the Renaissance.


Austin O'Keefe

It's nice having thousands more generations to blame my problems on.


Daniel Kemmis

Melania, Barron Trump Move Into White House

After a five-month delay while Barron finished out the school year in New York, Melania and Barron Trump have finally moved into the White House. What do you think?


Jocelyn Lyons

I'll bring over a casserole, but I'm gonna need the dish back.


Kimberly Rhodus

Sponsors Drop Trump-Referencing 'Julius Caesar'

Multiple sponsors have dropped their support for the Shakespeare in the Park production of Julius Caesar, which depicts Caesar as a Trump-like businessman. What do you think?

People need to learn there are consequences when you subject the president to vague allegorical criticism.


Evan Buhler

Honestly, it's hard not to see Trump in the figure of one of history's greatest statesmen and Latin prose stylists.


Tim Kantor

That part about judgment having fled to brutish beasts was a real low blow.


Nancy Kalos

Microsoft Unveils Xbox One X Console

Microsoft has announced an upgraded version of the Xbox One known as the Xbox One X, which goes on sale in November. What do you think?

Between this and the latest Excel update, Microsoft is having a terrific 2017.


Evan Wohl

Microsoft Unveils Xbox One X Console

I was skeptical at first, but then I saw the demo at E3, and now I'm definitely not going to buy this.


Nate Vaughn

Microsoft Unveils Xbox One X Console


Andy Wurzburg

Rolling Stone Settles With Fraternity For $1.65 Million

The University of Virginia fraternity that sued Rolling Stone for defamation over a now-retracted article accusing its members of a brutal rape has settled for $1.65 million. What do you think?

With a scant 320,000 new rape cases every year to report on, that journalist must have gotten desperate.


Hannah Brace

At least the magazine accomplished its goal of making sexual assault that much harder to prosecute.


Jeremy Roisman

That money is nothing to Rolling Stone. Do you realize how many free CDs they get?


Amanda Clegg

Madrid Bans 'Manspreading' On Public Buses

Buses in Madrid will now feature signs prohibiting manspreading, the practice of spreading one's legs across more than one seat. What do you think?

This should definitely solve the problem, given how diligent people are about obeying all posted rules on buses.


Walter Etheridge

I guess I'll just have to take my tourism money somewhere that appreciates my unacceptable behavior.


Matt Coppock

Will they accept a doctor's note explaining my hideously bow-legged condition?


Anne Griswold

Officials Charged Over Flint Water Crisis

Several Michigan officials have been charged with involuntary manslaughter for their role in a deadly Legionnaires' disease outbreak during the Flint water crisis. What do you think?

Flint residents can rest easy knowing those in power are doing everything they can to stop this senseless justice.


Ryan McNamee

This is proof that if you put public health at risk, you might eventually be punished after two or three years.


Albert Clark

So is it safe for me to take a shower yet or not?


Mitchell Lange

American Crime Story' To Dramatize Versace Murder

With production on its Hurricane Katrina season delayed, FX's American Crime Story will instead cover the murder of designer Gianni Versace when it returns next year. What do you think?

Luckily, Katrina survivors are used to delays.


Sarah Callahan

Thank God. I haven't seen a good televised murder in at least 45 minutes.


Ken Sampson

I'm just glad to hear that more TV is being made.


Annette Pelley

Bachelor' Production Halted Over Sexual Misconduct

Filming of ABC's Bachelor In Paradise has been suspended while the network investigates an unspecified case of sexual misconduct on set. What do you think?

Sexual misconduct-based production halts are all just part of finding the one.


Ted Hale

Damn, I watch that show with enough guilt as is.


Kevin Wescott

That's awful. I hope no one's storylines were hurt.


Tyler Crawford

ABC On Trial For Defaming Beef

Beef Products Inc. is suing ABC over news reports where the network used the term pink slime to refer to BPI's lean finely textured beef product. What do you think?

This is sure to be a watershed case for slime law.


Emily Modell

ABC On Trial For Defaming Beef

Maybe they could reach a compromise where ABC runs messages saying beef is great and the beef people compensate them somehow.


Brian Penfield

ABC On Trial For Defaming Beef

If defaming beef is illegal, Taco Bell better lawyer up.


Fred Castillo

Beyonce Gives Birth To Twins

Beyonce gave birth to twins this weekend, releasing a joint statement with Jay Z that read in part, We are incredibly grateful that our family will be growing by two. What do you think?

Two babies? How does she come up with this stuff?


Deborah Stonehouse

Beyonce Gives Birth To Twins

Twins are going to be quite a change of pace for whoever they pay to look after them.


Joseph Regan

Beyonce Gives Birth To Twins

I didn't even know she was pregnant. Is it okay that I didn't know that? It's hard to know what's okay these days.


Laura Brost

Amazon Buys Whole Foods For $13.7 Billion

In the online retail giant's latest expansion, Amazon has purchased organic grocery chain Whole Foods for $13.7 billion. What do you think?

Good. I'm sick of giving money to more than one thing.


Michael Roder

I look forward to writing several 300-word reviews of lettuce.


Lucas Garcia

Sure, this deal might be a good long-term business strategy, but will it truly make Jeff Bezos happy?


Chris Lorig

Katy Perry Surpasses 100 Million Twitter Followers

Becoming the first person in Twitter history to reach the milestone, pop star Katy Perry has accumulated more than 100 million followers on the site. What do you think?

Yeah, but at least five or six of those are probably family members.


Brent Eilbert

This is a milestone on par with when Katy Perry surpassed 75 million Twitter followers.


Anthony Gladstone

Woman Convicted For Urging Boyfriend's Suicide

A Massachusetts woman who urged her boyfriend to kill himself was found guilty of involuntary manslaughter in connection with his suicide. What do you think?

How could she have known he was going to do what she repeatedly and explicitly encouraged him to do?


Jake Hamlett

This is why when someone close to me is going through a crisis I don't say anything at all.


Olivia Clark

Relationships aren't always easy, or even remotely humane.


Scott Apfel

Supreme Court Defends Disparaging Trademarks

Ruling unanimously in favor of an Asian-American band calling themselves The Slants, the Supreme Court struck down a ban on trademarking offensive names. What do you think?

This is just the motivation I needed to finally get my business off the ground.


Ashley O'Brien

Free speech means some people will occasionally be offended. And why shouldn't we profit off that?


Dave Conlan

This is great news for the Seattle Seahawks.


Joseph Shattuck

Michael Phelps To Race Shark

Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps will race against a great white shark for a TV special as part of Discovery's annual Shark Week event in July. What do you think?

This seems unfair, seeing as how the shark hasn't received a single Olympic training session.


Annabel Rodie

Michael Phelps To Race Shark

I'd also be interested to see which one could devour a harp seal the fastest.


Mark Zats

Michael Phelps To Race Shark


Julia Richie

China Censors Gay Kiss In 'Alien: Covenant'

The Chinese release of Alien: Covenant reportedly omits a gay kiss scene, along with the majority of the movie's violence and even appearances by its aliens. What do you think?

Sounds like they got the whole film down to a brisk seven minutes.


David Stanton

China just understands that sexual tension between two characters is way more arousing if you leave it unresolved.


Jeff Miller

I knew I should've just seen this at my local multiplex rather than booking a round trip to Guangzhou.


Rob Fenton

Atari Announces Mysterious New Console

Classic video game company Atari has announced it's making a new console, fueling speculation about whether it will be a retro novelty or a modern system. What do you think?

So, do companies just not go out of business anymore?


Mike Beckerman

Atari Announces Mysterious New Console

I'll probably wait for the good titles by Imagic and M Network to come out before buying this.


Amy Nuccio

Atari Announces Mysterious New Console

I'm excited to see what advances in wooden side-paneling they've made in the last 35 years.


Grant Hartney

Lead Found In 20% Of Baby Food

A study found that 20 percent of baby foods contain traces of lead, with grape juice, apple juice, and carrots being the worst offenders. What do you think?

I thought the Gerber baby was looking a little glassy-eyed lately.


Brittany Carr

Lead Found In 20% Of Baby Food

All the more incentive for our son to learn to chew already.


Jerrod Reynolds

Lead Found In 20% Of Baby Food

There's nothing cuter than a baby with yams and lead all over its chubby little face.


Francine Meadows

200 Million Voters' Data Leaked Online

A GOP analytics firm inadvertently exposed personal information from 200 million registered American voters, encompassing nearly every voter in the country. What do you think?

The reasons against voting just keep stacking up.


Jake Kemmis

200 Million Voters' Data Leaked Online

I hate to think my personal data's floating around in public instead of just being traded between sketchy companies behind closed doors.


Matthew Wakeman

200 Million Voters' Data Leaked Online

Whatever you learn about me in the coming days, know that I did it for love.


Scott Tessler

Colorado Group Trying To Ban Preteen Smartphone Sales

A group called Parents Against Underage Smartphones is trying to advance a ballot measure banning the sale of smartphones to anyone under age 13. What do you think?

The power to casually Google Greg Kinnear's filmography at any time is simply too much for an 11-year-old to handle.


Barbara Dunn

But how else will parents be able to tell which of their children's friends are spoiled little shits?


Aaron Wickert

Good. My kid's smartphone is a huge distraction from his iPad, 3DS, and Apple Watch.


Stan Ippolito

Study: Dogs, Wolves Understand Concept Of Fairness

Researchers have found that dogs and wolves can recognize when they're being treated unfairly, and will stop listening to their trainers if so. What do you think?


Nora Lang

So then they must also understand why it's so funny to stack treats on their noses, right?


Benjamin Neil

I had a feeling my dog could tell how messed up it is that my wife got full custody.


Marcia Hazlett

Irish Teen Who Sought Abortion Put In Mental Hospital

An Irish teen was forcibly committed after seeking an abortion, only to be released four days later upon determining she did not have a psychological disorder. What do you think?

Thank God that in America our mental health facilities are too poorly funded for something like this to happen.


Steve Jungman

Abortion needs to be safe, legal, rare, and encumbered by countless layers of bureaucratic meddling.


Angela Keefe

America Celebrates Independence Day

The Fourth of July marks our independence as a nation. How are you celebrating?

I'm working on a fireworks display that balances pride in our country's ideals with regret for its many historical failings.


Ken Dwyer

America Celebrates Independence Day

Looking forward to just kicking back on the deck and throwing some bottle rockets on the grill.


Bill Kincannon

America Celebrates Independence Day

For one day, I'm hoping we can all put aside our differences and celebrate the violence that made America possible.


Jason Larson

Teen Birth Rate At All-Time Low

The teen birth rate in the U.S. reached an all-time low in 2016, with researchers crediting greater access to contraceptives for the decline. What do you think?

I know this is good news, but I'm worried about what this means for the future of 'Teen Mom.'


Pete Vatter

Teen Birth Rate At All-Time Low

It's great that more people are waiting to have children until they're well past their physical prime.


Emily Phillips

Teen Birth Rate At All-Time Low


Michaela Regis

Sun May Have Had 'Twin'

New research suggests almost all stars are born in twos, and that our own sun likely had a twin that once followed the same orbit. What do you think?

Sometimes one twin just disappears and it's none of anyone's business.


Stan Fiedler

Sun May Have Had 'Twin'

It's probably off bumming around Space Europe.


Ken Mendillo

Sun May Have Had 'Twin'

If we're taking sides here, I have to say I support our sun.


Laura Knetsch

Article Predicts Climate 'Doomsday'

A New York Magazine article has gotten significant attention for its warning that much of the earth will become uninhabitable within our lifetimes. What do you think?

Pfft. Every year they predict human extinction within a century, and every year it doesn't happen.


Ben Finkelman

Article Predicts Climate 'Doomsday'

You'd be pessimistic too if you worked at a magazine in today's publishing environment.


Adam Blech

Article Predicts Climate 'Doomsday'


Marcus Gagliardi

Chicago Will Require Graduating Students To Have Post-School Plan

Starting in 2020, Chicago public high school students won't be able to graduate without a school-approved plan for the future, such as college enrollment or a job offer. What do you think?

I'm worried this doesn't do enough to avoid addressing the core problems with our education system.


Sarah Krewson

This is just the motivation our teens need to abandon their naive, open-minded enthusiasm about the future.


Craig Pavlovich

Does starting a band called ThugHammer count as a plan? Because it shouldn't.


Connor Jensen

New Startup Fights Users' Traffic Tickets

Adding to a growing number of online legal services, new startup TIKD fights customers' traffic tickets on their behalf, including hiring lawyers to dispute fines in court. What do you think?

The freedom to drive with total indifference to your fellow man is the utopian dream of the internet come to fruition.


Jill Slattengren

I'm not sure if I can trust a website the same way I can a stranger whose number I got from a bus bench.


Marcus Segan

Thanks, but I'm in way more trouble than that.


Wayne Coker

Wiz Khalifa Video Most Watched In YouTube History

With over 2.9 billion views, the music video for Wiz Khalifa's See You Again is now the most-watched YouTube video ever, surpassing Psy's Gangnam Style, which held the record since 2012. What do you think?

There's no way only 2.9 billion people have played 'See You Again' at graduation parties.


Michael Neasman

I knew rap was popular, but I didn't know it was weird-Korean-singer-popular.


Brianna Wagner

Hold on. I think I still have a few views of 'Gangnam Style' left in me.


Lauren Supley

Company Using Magnets To Clean Up Space Debris

A Singaporean company has announced plans to use special, magnetic satellites to dispose of man-made debris in orbit around the earth. What do you think?

I thought the whole point of space being infinite was to use it as a landfill.


Adam Kelin

That pig John Glenn sure left a fucking mess up there.


Burt Salisbury

And they said garbagemen would never play among the stars.


Sarah Garlock

Paris And Los Angeles To Host 2024, 2028 Olympics

Although it's still unknown which city will host which year, the International Olympic Committee has designated Paris and Los Angeles as the next two Summer Olympics hosts. What do you think?

Hosting the Olympics may be expensive, but how else do you get people interested in checking out a city like Paris?


Geoff Sutherland

If they're looking to save money on stadiums, I've got a buddy in Rio trying to unload a couple of lightly used ones.


Daniel Arancio

Man, and I still don't even know what I'm doing this weekend.


Madeline Perkins

KFC Selling Sandwich-Shaped Meteorite

To mark the launch of its new online store, fast-food chain KFC is selling a 9.5-pound iron meteorite carved to resemble a Zinger Chicken Sandwich, which costs $20,000. What do you think?

I can't imagine anyone who would pay more than $18,000 for that.


Kurt Vogl

KFC Selling Sandwich-Shaped Meteorite

Who hasn't gazed up at the stars and dreamed of touching a piece of infinity carved into the shape of a fast-food menu item?


James Sowieja

KFC Selling Sandwich-Shaped Meteorite

I'm glad they're finally selling healthier sandwiches.


Mark Tanouye

Jeff Sessions Proposes Reviving D.A.R.E. Program

Attorney General Jeff Sessions reportedly wants to revive the 1983 Drug Abuse Resistance Education program, although many studies have questioned its effectiveness. What do you think?

A hip, charismatic rockstar like Jeff Sessions could be just the thing to get teens interested in anti-drug education again.


Patrick Scollins

Shouldn't we at least fail at a couple more new ideas before going back to something we already know doesn't work?


Johanna Levy

Why not? It kept me off the junk between fifth and seventh grade.


James Keeley

Quentin Tarantino Making Film About Manson Murders

The next movie from Pulp Fiction and Django Unchained director Quentin Tarantino will reportedly portray the 1969 mass murders carried out by followers of Charles Manson. What do you think?

At last, some healing for the victims' families will be possible.


Rick Hastings

This should finally give Tarantino an opportunity to explore his fascination with violence and retro pop culture.


Kerry Dupuis

If there's one thing Charles Manson is known for, it's his zippy dialogue.


Shawn Vinje

Westworld' And 'Saturday Night Live' Lead Emmy Nominations

HBO's sci-fi drama Westworld and NBC's Saturday Night Live will each compete for 22 awards when the Emmys air September 17th. What do you think?

It's nice to see the Academy recognizing work by historically underrepresented Nolan brothers.


Emily Broussard

Once again, shows are nominated while TV manufacturers are snubbed.


Brad Diston

It's an honor to have watched most of these shows.


Sean Berens

Nevada Experiencing Emergency Marijuana Shortage

Weeks after beginning legal marijuana sales, Nevada dispensaries are struggling to keep up with demand, leading the state's governor to issue a statement of emergency. What do you think?

Not even the most hardcore anti-pot activists could've predicted a future this dark.


Lydia Weiss

Never trust a wholesale marijuana distributor to do a shady downstairs neighbor's job.


Todd Jalali

Without decisive action, this emergency is in real danger of becoming a category 5 bummer.


Paul Kegan

Study: Whole Wheat Not Healthier Than White Bread

A study found that whole wheat bread is not necessarily healthier than white, and that the healthiest bread for a person may depend on their own gut bacteria. What do you think?

We're still supposed to be eating eight loaves a day though, right?


Catherine Coker

I hope the scientists remembered to include people who use two pieces of fried chicken for bread as a control group.


Stan Easton

Honestly, bread is probably the least of my dietary concerns.


Carol Peterson

First Female 'Doctor Who' Announced

British sci-fi series Doctor Who will have its first female lead when Broadchurch star Jodie Whittaker takes over the title role from Peter Capaldi later this year. What do you think?

Don't they realize this is the exact type of thing awful people don't like?


Bruce Hopfner

First Female 'Doctor Who' Announced

Finally my daughter will have someone to get made fun of for looking up to.


Matt Gale

First Female 'Doctor Who' Announced


Lauren Smathers

$1 Million In Marijuana Found Smuggled In Ford Fusions

An Ohio car dealership discovered that the Ford Fusions it received from a factory in Mexico contained over a million dollars' worth of marijuana smuggled inside. What do you think?

Okay, but I'm really just looking for something reliable to get me to and from work.


Nate Richard

Now my local Ford dealership's Summer Danktacular sales event makes a lot more sense.


Evan Griswold

And what if I upgrade to the sport package?


Brian Jung

Will Smith Cast As Genie In Live-Action 'Aladdin' Remake

Disney's forthcoming live-action remake of their 1992 animated musical Aladdin will reportedly star Will Smith as Genie. What do you think?

Smith is going to have a hard time living up to the iconic work Dan Castellaneta did voicing the Genie in the 'Aladdin' TV series.


Sharon Glidewell

Didn't we upload Robin Williams' consciousness onto a supercomputer for situations just like this?


Christopher Eakin

Three rounds of callbacks and this is how I find out I didn't make it.


Dave Greenspoon

Scientists: Humans Could Likely Outrun T-Rex

Two recent studies have concluded that Tyrannosaurus rex probably ran no faster than 16.8 mph, slow enough for a human to outrun over short distances. What do you think?

Have those scientists taken a good look at humans lately?


Michael Larpenteur

I'd say my bigger concern in the next 15 seconds or so is my ability to outrun bears.


Dan Mellenthin

O.J. Simpson Granted Parole

A Nevada parole board granted O.J. Simpson's request for early release from prison, where the former NFL running back has been serving time for a 2007 robbery. What do you think?

He's done the time for several of his crimes.


Alexis Whelan

O.J. Simpson Granted Parole

It's going to be tough carrying around the stigma of being a convicted armed robber.


Todd Bizek

O.J. Simpson Granted Parole

I wish him well on the next undoubtedly sad chapter of his life.


Eli Davis

A.I. Making It Easier To Falsify Video Evidence

Scientists warn that AI is making it easier to fabricate realistic video of a person speaking, with worrying implications for fighting misinformation online. What do you think?

It'll be a dark day when we can no longer blindly trust what we see on the internet.


Wade Conlin

But who would even be interested in abusing this technology, besides the most powerful institutions on earth?


Melanie Posso

Well, as Elizabeth Warren said, 'The grimy, idiotic American voters will swallow whatever bullshit us Democrats feed them.'


Blake Guzman

FDA Set To Approve Gene-Altering Cancer Treatment

The FDA is expected to approve a new leukemia treatment that alters a patient's cells to target cancer cells, with the hope it can someday fight other types of cancer, too. What do you think?

I would only alter my genes to become more powerful, not less sick.


Sherilyn Dwyer

So you pay for some fancy treatment, but it's your body doing all the actual work? What a scam.


Ken Schepke

I can't wait to get cancer and try this out.


Hanna Larsen

Salvador Dali Exhumed To Settle Paternity Suit

The remains of surrealist painter Salvador Dali were exhumed by officials to settle a suit from a 61-year-old tarot card reader claiming to be the artist's daughter. What do you think?

I hope this woman finds the closure her creditors are looking for.


Patrick Swern

I'm glad Dali isn't alive to see his legacy soiled by the bizarre and grotesque.


Samuel Hagan

Trust me, they don't just let you exhume someone unless you have a pretty good case.


Jeff Keaton

HBO Greenlights Alternate History Civil War Drama

The creators of Game Of Thrones are developing a new drama for HBO in which the South successfully seceded and slavery still exists in the modern day. What do you think?

This seems like it could be a fun new thing to get mad about.


Iliana Clark

You have to hand it to HBO for being willing to go where only 700 or 800 pieces of speculative fiction have gone before.


Brian Posner

I hear Showtime has a stupid thing in the works, too.


Kirsten Williams

Household Dust Might Contribute To Weight Gain

New research suggests that chemicals in many household products, which enter the body via dust, can cause cells to store excess fat and lead to weight gain. What do you think?

I'm always open to having something new to blame on my housekeeper.


Trevor Cloyd

It's just not realistic for me to cut household dust out of my diet right now.


Jim Eakin

Why can't trace amounts of toxins seeping into my body ever improve my health?


Anthony Lamarre

Dubai Introduces Robot Police Officer

As part of a plan to replace 25 percent of its officers with robots by 2030, Dubai has introduced a robotic policeman that can identify suspects and collect evidence. What do you think?

This is just going to lead to robot criminals getting even faster CPUs.


Carl Smreker

Dubai Introduces Robot Police Officer

At least when a robotic police officer shoots me to death, it'll be because of cold, hard logic instead of panic or racial bias.


Denise Wilkes

Dubai Introduces Robot Police Officer

The nice thing about a plan like this is that there's absolutely no way anything could go wrong with it.


Amanda Gaylon

CTE Found In 99% Of Deceased NFL Players' Brains

A study of deceased NFL players' brains found that 99 percent of them showed signs of chronic traumatic encephalopathy, a serious neurodegenerative disease. What do you think?


Eric Lachowsky

This really gives me something to think about until football season starts.


Devin Moody

I guess the other one percent just didn't want to win badly enough.


Jim Appel

India Moves To Ban Self-Driving Cars

Warning that autonomous vehicles could take jobs away from human drivers, India's transportation minister has vowed to ban driverless cars in the country. What do you think?

I wish the U.S. had a leader who wasn't afraid to create false hope about jobs in a dying industry.


Kathryn Bernstein

India Moves To Ban Self-Driving Cars

Putting humans before technology is no way to run a country.


Kevin Spyra

India Moves To Ban Self-Driving Cars

Until self-driving cars can safely navigate a throng of gyrating Bollywood dancers, this seems like a good idea.


Michelle Donakoswki

Microsoft Paint Being Phased Out

After 32 years, Microsoft is reportedly ending its popular drawing program Microsoft Paint, marking it as a feature to be phased out in future Windows updates. What do you think?

I guess then it's back to expressing all of my pent-up creativity through Excel.


Will Patti

Microsoft Paint Being Phased Out

But after 32 years, I feel like I was only beginning to scratch the surface of what the paint bucket could do.


David Scheff

Microsoft Paint Being Phased Out

Time is the eraser tool that comes for us all.


Rick Ostby

Senate Votes Down GOP's 'Skinny' Obamacare Repeal

In a late-night vote on a bill to repeal the Affordable Care Act, Republican senators John McCain, Lisa Murkowski, and Susan Collins voted with Democrats to defeat the measure. What do you think?

Those three senators showed real bravery voting against something none of their constituents wanted.


Michelle Sheffield

You may disagree with Mitch McConnell, but it's hard not to be moved by his passion for doing what's wrong for voters.


Ira Mickelonis

This is either an embarrassing defeat for Republicans or totally irrelevant, depending on how anything even works anymore.


Mike Griswold

Inmates Offered Reduced Sentences For Getting Vasectomy

In a move condemned by the ACLU, a Tennessee county is offering reduced sentences to inmates who undergo a vasectomy or receive a birth control implant. What do you think?

It's great that ex-convicts trying to rebuild their lives won't have to suffer the crushing burden of unconditional love.


Anne Fenton

With the scarcity of women's clinics in the South, this might be my best chance of getting an IUD.


Matt Townsend

I'm hoping my defense lawyer can bargain it down to the rhythm method.


Anne Choy

Jeff Bezos Briefly World's Richest Person

A spike in Amazon shares briefly made the company's founder and CEO Jeff Bezos the world's richest person, before slipping to third place behind Bill Gates and Warren Buffett. What do you think?

After that brief stint at the top, I bet it was hard to rejoin the ranks of the unwashed poor.


Scott Sairio

I hope he can quit that Amazon job soon. I hear it's a terrible place to work.


Samuel Keaton

Look, just tell me how many lottery tickets I need to buy to catch up.


Helen Adelman

Study: Sperm Counts Plunging In Western World

A new study has found that sperm counts among men in North America and Europe have decreased by 59 percent since 1973. What do you think?

Now that I think about it, I did notice a lot more sperm in '72.


Adam Regan

I wished I'd known this before executing my wife for failing to yield an heir.


Damien Cantor

Honolulu Bans 'Distracted Walking'

Making it the first major city with such a law, Honolulu's mayor has signed a bill banning texting while crossing the street, as well as other forms of distracted walking. What do you think?

If this law works there, maybe we should try it in America.


Will Lang

Honolulu Bans 'Distracted Walking'

But it's my constitutional right to have no idea what's going on around me.


Bethany Floyd

Honolulu Bans 'Distracted Walking'

That's okay. I do most of my texting while driving anyway.


Kaitlyn Hummel

Netflix $20 Billion In Debt

Video streaming giant Netflix is reportedly $20 billion in debt, leading some analysts to warn that the company is a bubble in danger of bursting. What do you think?

Netflix is completely redefining how Hollywood studios flirt with insolvency.


Connor Starzinski

Netflix $20 Billion In Debt

Getting only 91 Emmy nominations this year really put the stink on them.


Brian Melberth

Netflix $20 Billion In Debt

I knew they shouldn't have blown so much cash on that flashy 'Master of None' title sequence.


Daniel Supley

Moonlight' Actor To Star In 'True Detective' Season 3

Mahershala Ali, who won the best supporting actor Oscar for his role in Moonlight, has been confirmed to star in the third season of HBO's True Detective. What do you think?

I hope this is a sign the show is moving back towards the slightly less overwrought incomprehensibility of the first season.


Lauren McNamee

This is terrific news. 'Moonlight' is one of my favorite movies to tell people I've been meaning to see.


Wayne Hasse

Sure, he was great in that thing. But can he be great in some other thing?


Pat Hughston

U.S. Scientists Create First Genetically Modified Embryo

Although the technique had already been used in China, scientists have now created the first genetically modified embryo in the U.S., raising concerns about designer babies. What do you think?

I'm okay with it, as long as this technology is only used to prevent serious diseases or ensure cute dimples.


Grace Suresh

This seems useless until we identify the gene responsible for creating Olympic-level curlers.


Molly Feckey

Studio Making 'Words With Friends' TV Show

MGM Television is developing a gameshow based on 8-year-old smartphone game Words With Friends. What do you think?

This has the potential to be the breakout hit of 2009.


Dave Stratton

Is Hollywood really so desperate for ideas that they'd stoop to adapting an immensely popular, billion-dollar video game franchise?


Marshall Torres

I hope they cast all the original letters!


Anthony Vogl

NASA Seeks Habitat Designs For Mars Mission

At NASA's request, several companies are building prototype space habitats capable of housing astronauts for a nine-month journey to Mars. What do you think?

It's a nine-month trip, but I bet they still try to screw the astronauts by making them sign a lease for the full year.


Tim Preston

That's smart. I made the mistake of going with the first bid when I remodeled my kitchen.


Sarah Moores

Can't they just do the thing where they knock them out for nine months?


Kate Etheridge

Wisconsin Company Microchipping Employees

Three Square Market, a Wisconsin company, is offering to implant microchips in employees' hands that can be used to open doors and purchase items in the cafeteria. What do you think?

The end goal of uniting man and machine has always been to expedite cafeteria purchases.


Steven Roller

Sure, they say it's voluntary, but who wants to be the office oddball who's 100 percent human?


Josh Khaykin

This sounds like a great way to increase convenience, streamline production, and eliminate badthink.


Marcus Routh

New Sunscreen Made From DNA

A team of scientists has developed a DNA-based sunscreen prototype made from salmon sperm, which lasts indefinitely and grows stronger over time. What do you think?

Could this be the solution that finally allows humanity to return to the daylight?


Evan Hofstetter

New Sunscreen Made From DNA

Well, it sure sounds easier than remembering a hat.


Stephanie Du

New Sunscreen Made From DNA

Nice try, but this isn't the first time a scientist has tried to trick me into slathering salmon sperm on my arms.


Danielle Munson

Male Cockatoos Use Drumming To Woo Mates

Researchers have found that male cockatoos craft drumstick-like tools that they use to attract mates by drumming a steady beat for up to 30 minutes at a time. What do you think?

I guess the primal desire for a man who can keep a steady beat crosses all species boundaries.


Tim Voukydis

Sure, if you want to hook up with the kind of cockatoo who likes the drummer.


Linda McCormick

Google Engineer Writes Controversial Gender Manifesto

An unnamed Google engineer sparked a social media outcry with a 3,300-word manifesto arguing disparities between men and women in tech come from biological differences rather than discrimination. What do you think?

Part of creating a welcoming environment is making sure that all anonymous misogynists feel comfortable sharing their views.


Michael Conlin

Men do seem to have an innate advantage when it comes to rambling screeds.


Dave Cotter

Maybe it's tough to hear, but women's scrawny metacarpals make them completely unfit to be programmers.


Todd Coker

Glitter iPhone Cases Recalled Due To Chemical Burns

MixBin has recalled 263,000 of its liquid glitter iPhone cases after some customers received chemical burns when the cases broke and leaked fluid on their skin. What do you think?

Phone case technology was never meant to venture beyond 3-D likenesses of Garfield.


Sheila Harrod

Everyone knows the Samsung Galaxy glitter cases are cheaper and cause way better burns, anyway.


Brad Vaynblat

Climate Change Making Crops Less Nutritious

Researchers warn that increased levels of atmospheric carbon are causing lower nutrient content in many crops, which could lead to serious vitamin deficiencies worldwide. What do you think?

I'm worried about the trickle-down effects this might have on the Weight Watchers points system.


Pat Snowdon

With a sexy issue like grass seed nutrition at stake, climate skeptics are finally going to have to sit up and take notice.


Theresa Mansur

I don't even want to imagine a world where Americans are inadequately nourished.


Abby Schillaci

Trump Cancels Sleep Disorder Screenings For Truckers

The White House has rescinded a rule requiring truck drivers to be screened for obstructive sleep apnea, a condition which can cause sufferers to spontaneously fall asleep. What do you think?

Finally, a president who will bring jobs back to unconscious Americans.


Joseph Doran

This whole administration has been admirably open to hiring people who may not be suited for the job.


Chris Stanton

Perhaps I should reconsider my hobby of walking alongside highways at night.


Bruce Temple

Marijuana Company Buys California Town

A marijuana-growing company has purchased the entire 120-acre town of Nipton, CA, with plans to turn it into a cannabis-friendly hospitality destination. What do you think?

I make some pretty crazy purchasing decisions when I'm high, too.


Lydia Albertson

Marijuana Company Buys California Town

Man, I wish our town's corporate owner was that chill.


Walter Davies

Marijuana Company Buys California Town

I look forward to reading a town charter that syncs up perfectly with 'Electric Ladyland.'


Zack Ravin

Hackers Ransoming Confidential HBO Data

Days after leaking episodes of several HBO shows, hackers who attacked the network have posted an online ransom note demanding that HBO pay them or suffer further leaks. What do you think?

HBO's glorification of crime was bound to come back to haunt it someday.


Amy Coppock

Hackers Ransoming Confidential HBO Data

I hope they don't reveal who dies in the next episode of 'Ballers.'


Justin Rhee

Hackers Ransoming Confidential HBO Data

Some people just have no patience for the week-to-week TV episode roll-out schedule.


Ron Mahoney

Olympics Considering Adding ESports To 2024 Games

The Paris Olympic Committee is reportedly considering adding competitive video gaming, or eSports, to the 2024 games. What do you think?

Finally, an event where men and women will be taken equally non-seriously.


Michaela Putney

Hosting the Olympics is already enough of a burden without the additional Wi-Fi and Mountain Dew infrastructure this will require.


Jim Englund

I'd love to hear what the ancient Greeks would have to say about this, provided there was a qualified translator there to explain it to me.


Dan Glidewell

Walmart Apologizes For Back-To-School Gun Display

After a photo of the display went viral, Walmart quickly apologized for a sign above a case of rifles in one of their stores inviting customers to Own the school year like a hero. What do you think?

It's horrifying that someone would advertise anything larger than a Glock to children.


Brian Kline

Now some poor kid is going to get made fun of for coming to school with last year's gun.


Dana Salisbury

Marketing guns to children is something that should only ever be done indirectly by violent movies, video games, and television.


Susan Bitzegaio

Europe Facing Butter Shortage

Growing demand from China and the developing world has left Europe facing a looming butter shortage, which industry officials have called a major crisis. What do you think?

If they would just give in and refrigerate it like we do, maybe they wouldn't be in this mess.


Timothy Hamblin

Europe Facing Butter Shortage

Well sure. 'Everyone loves butter' is just basic Econ 101.


Bruce Giancola

Europe Facing Butter Shortage

In this regard and in this regard alone, I'm proud to be an American.


Karin Powell

Study Casts Doubts On Health Benefits Of Pets

New research suggests pets might not actually confer health benefits on their owners, and that people who can afford pets are simply more likely to be healthy in the first place. What do you think?

My dog and I need to have a serious talk about the third-variable fallacy.


Nate Hummel

This is making me wish I hadn't blown all of my healthcare money on cockatiels.


Dan Guettler

Amazon Issues Refunds For Counterfeit Eclipse Glasses

Warning that the items might not protect against permanent eye damage, Amazon has issued refunds to customers who purchased counterfeit eclipse glasses. What do you think?

You can't blame someone for trying to make a buck off this whole staring-directly-at-the-sun craze.


Troy Johnston

Good thing I saved my glasses from the 1932 eclipse.


Anne D'Amato

I've always found Amazon to be pretty good about refunds for anything that blinds you.