Adam Sobczak

U.S. May Have Killed Bin Laden's Son

First we kill Bin Laden's son, then we win in Iraq, and pretty soon we'll have settled the score with everyone who had nothing to do with 9/11.


Charles Mann

Palin Abdicates Gubernatorial Seat

Alaska governor Sarah Palin turned over executive control of the state to Sean Parnell, saying that if she served a lame duck year in the office, it would not benefit anyone. What do you think?

Beautiful, a liar, and a quitter. God, I haven't been this aroused by the thought of a woman in two years.


Dawn Pitkin

Palin Abdicates Gubernatorial Seat

Nothing can distract her laser focus from the ultimate prize: the Fields Medal.


Pat Wasserstrom

Palin Abdicates Gubernatorial Seat

With this Sean Parnell guy coming in, at least they won't have to change the initials carved into the caribou-antler throne that has served as the ceremonial seat of Alaskan governors since 1959.


Kirsten Savoie

New Home Sales Up 11%

Sales of new homes jumped 11 percent to their highest point this year. What do you think?

If this recession has taught us anything, it's that buying your own home is the first step toward global financial collapse.


Rick Sontag

New Home Sales Up 11%

Why are people buying houses? Don't they know they can just crash on their brother's couch?


Homer Wasserstrom

New Home Sales Up 11%

Eleven percent?! Where can I go buy some houses?


Ray Peterson

Obama Meets With Gates, Arresting Officer

President Obama is holding a meeting with Harvard law professor Henry Louis Gates, Jr. and Cambridge police sergeant James Crowley today in order to "have a dialogue."" What do you think?"

I don't know how the White House is going to keep up if they have to invite over everyone who gets racially profiled.


Bernard Koe

Once Obama gets this lose-lose situation out of his system, it will come as less of a shock when his health care plan fails too.


Kate Wallace

I can not think of a more stressful meeting than one with the president and the cop who arrested me.


Kathleen Bird

Apple To Rescue Album Sales

Working in conjunction with four major music labels, Apple plans to bundle the digital albums it sells with interactive booklets that include liner notes, lyrics, and photos. What do you think?

Well, whatever, I've hated music ever since 'My Humps.' I'm a magazine woman now.


Darren Wheelock

Apple To Rescue Album Sales

No thank you. I officially renounced context when I started dating a woman 20 years my junior.


Jeffrey Jacobs

Apple To Rescue Album Sales

I used to just pick and choose single songs off albums until Lou Reed caught me doing it and yelled at me.


Daniel Coy

Blue Food Dye Helps Spinal Injuries

Researchers have found that the blue food dye found in M&Ms; and Gatorade may help new spinal injuries heal. What do you think?

And to think, just 14 years ago, some people didn't vote for the blue M&M. For shame.


Darcy Ripp

Blue Food Dye Helps Spinal Injuries

Interestingly, blue food dye also contributes to the medical condition known as 'blue tongue.'


Aaron Peacocke

Blue Food Dye Helps Spinal Injuries

If Christopher Reeve were alive today, I'm sure he'd be the first to say, 'Blue M&Ms? Are you fucking kidding me?'


Parker Hughes

Researchers Find New Strain Of HIV

Scientists recently discovered a new strain of HIV that originated in gorillas but is now infecting humans. What do you think?


Katrina Gutmanis

Researchers Find New Strain Of HIV

I'm going to need some time to figure out what God is trying to say here.


David Giunta

Researchers Find New Strain Of HIV

If those stupid apes weren't so damn cute, I'd stop rubbing my open wounds against their open wounds.


Katharine Carlson

College Grad Suing Alma Mater

Trina Thompson, 27, is suing New York's Monroe College for $72,000 because she has not landed a job three months after graduating with a 2.7 grade point average. What do you think?

Look, if she's not industrious enough to get a job at her dad's firm like I did, then she doesn't deserve a penny.


Nate Holmes

College Grad Suing Alma Mater

She should have gone to an 'employment-guaranteed' college, like I did.


Arthur Sellers

College Grad Suing Alma Mater

I authorized my secretary to get on the phone and offer this Trina Thompson a position in the sales department. This is precisely the type of litigious mediocrity I want on my team!


'Cash For Clunkers' Broke

Less than a month after it began, the federal "Cash for Clunkers"" program—which provides owners of older vehicles with a $4

500 credit toward the purchase of a more fuel-efficient car—has run out of money. What do you think?"

Oh, well. I still think I can get a better offer from another government.


'Cash For Clunkers' Broke

Great, first they end my local toys-for-guns program, and now this. Soon no one's going to reward you for acquiring things that make the world a shitty place.


'Cash For Clunkers' Broke

This is a slippery slope. First you're helping people pay for cars, then you're socializing health care, and the next thing you know you're making shaky black-and-white films with blurry close-ups of broken glasses and bloodstains. Where does it end?


Petra Horn

Plague In China

Ziketan, a farming town of 10,000 in the Qinghai province of China, has been locked down in an attempt to prevent the spread of pneumonic plague. What do you think?

How convenient that people are coming down with some kind of 'plague' right when the sorghum harvest is due.


Lou Morley

Plague In China

If this is anything like the Black Plague that hit Europe in the 14th century, then all you have to do to get rid of it is kill the town's Jews.


Kevin Dudley

Plague In China

Ha! Good luck. I attempted to prevent the spread of pneumonic plague once, and I died of pneumonic plague.


Carl Johnson

John Hughes Dead

John Hughes, director of The Breakfast Club and Ferris Bueller's Day Off, died suddenly at 59. What do you think?

This is probably just an elaborate ruse perpetrated by his daughter's smooth-talking boyfriend to get her out of school for the day.


Allison Clark

John Hughes Dead

R.I.P. John Hughes, poet of teens who grew up in upscale Chicago suburbs, wore Benetton and Swatches, and danced in their rooms to the Psychedelic Furs as their parents neglected them.


John Standish

John Hughes Dead

His movies defined my youth. Rot in hell John Hughes!


Chris James

Kim Jong Il In Control Of North Korea

Despite speculation to the contrary, White House national security adviser James L. Jones said Sunday that North Korean president Kim Jong Il has full range of his faculties. What do you think?

That's right. He has full range of his completely insane faculties.


Jean Broad

Kim Jong Il In Control Of North Korea


William Towe

Kim Jong Il In Control Of North Korea

He's doing so great that he even has this chair that rolls him wherever he wants to go and this super-cool machine that breathes for him.


Alice Huston

GM Selling Cars On eBay

In order to combat its sales slump, General Motors, in cooperation with about 225 dealerships, has begun selling cars on the auction website eBay. What do you think?

With this kind of innovative thinking, I think GM will someday be as successful as my mom's homemade candle business.


Kim Amell

GM Selling Cars On eBay

I guess not selling cars on eBay is probably a lot cheaper than hiring people to not sell cars in dealerships.


Andy Nachtrab

GM Selling Cars On eBay

They nailed the crux of the problem right there. The reason for the collapse of the auto market was that you just couldn't buy a brand-new $25,000 vehicle, sight unseen, from an Internet auction house.


Dan Triphan

Cost To Raise Child Exceeds $200,000

According to a report from the United States Department of Agriculture, it will cost a total of $221,190 to raise a child born in 2008. What do you think?

Yeah, sure, but only if you plan on being a good parent.


Jim Quansah

Cost To Raise Child Exceeds $200,000

Sixty thousand of that alone is for boxed juice.


Susie Wise

Cost To Raise Child Exceeds $200,000

I've figured out it's much more economical to shuffle them off to some adoptive family and then reenter their lives a few years before I'll need home care.


Paul Hart

Would-Be Ford Assassin Released

After 34 years in prison, former Manson family member Lynette "Squeaky"" Fromme was released from prison today. What do you think?"

Looks like Ford really dodged a bullet with that death of his a few years back.


Leah Norton

Would-Be Ford Assassin Released

I wish her well, though I have no idea what she will do on the outside. About the only employment she qualifies for is a small acting role in a John Waters film.


Lee Frisco Hudgess

Would-Be Ford Assassin Released

It's just as Charles predicted. The prophecy of Squeaky's imprisonment and release were encoded in the Beatles' "Savoy Truffle."" Helter Skelter is nearly upon us!"


Jackson Beahm

Cheney To Slam Bush In New Book

In his forthcoming memoirs, former vice president Dick Cheney will reportedly air grievances he had with his onetime boss. What do you think?


Wanda Ruthenberg

Cheney To Slam Bush In New Book

He's a little late to jump on the 'Bush is dumb' bandwagon.


Daryl Alexander

Cheney To Slam Bush In New Book

In Cheney's defense, Bush was a really terrible president.


Keith Wittels

Milwaukee Mayor Beaten With Pipe

While calling 911 to report an assault at the Wisconsin State Fair, Milwaukee mayor Tom Barrett was attacked by a 20-year-old man wielding a metal pipe. What do you think?

See? Young people are far more politically aware than they are given credit for.


Wendy Konidaris

Milwaukee Mayor Beaten With Pipe

Good for that guy. I'm sick of mayors and aldermen and county supervisors all up in my shit, telling me what to do. Especially county supervisors. They're the worst.


Mick Purnell

Milwaukee Mayor Beaten With Pipe

What a shame. Now they'll have to discontinue serving sausage on a pipe at the fair.


Darcy McQueen

Marijuana Growers Linked To California Fire

A cooking fire started by marijuana growers linked to a Mexican cartel is said to be responsible for burning around 90,000 acres of the Los Padres National Forest. What do you think?

Like you've never taken the time out for s'mores during a 240-kilo pot harvest.


David Massen

Every biologist knows that periodic, negligence-related fires are necessary to maintain a healthy forest ecosystem.


Craig Votruba

Yeah, but dude, you ever get high and cause a hurricane? It's so awesome.


Will Leder

Robert Novak Dead

Columnist Robert Novak, notable most recently for his role in the outing of CIA agent Valerie Plame, died Tuesday. What do you think?

I can't wait to hear James Carville loudly argue against every point in Novak's eulogy.


Albert Mahl

Robert Novak Dead

That must be why all those political shows have had a lot less of a 'Lon Chaney' vibe lately.


Carla Nachtrab

Robert Novak Dead

This is further evidence that prolonged exposure to James Carville will give you brain cancer.


Teri Prueher

Swiss Bank To Name Clients

After reaching an agreement with U.S. authorities, the Swiss bank UBS is providing the IRS with the names of 4,450 American clients. What do you think?

They're just telling the IRS, not wives or kids, right?


Lloyd Pickett

Swiss Bank To Name Clients

Why would you open a Swiss bank account when you can just forget to do taxes every year?


Paul Severance

Swiss Bank To Name Clients

Oh yeah? Well, how about I reveal some Swiss secrets then? For one, fondue is just melted cheese.


Bart Zuniga

Ex-DHS Chief Asserts Terror Alerts Gamed Election

In his new book, former head of the Department of Homeland Security Tom Ridge says that the Bush administration pressured him to raise the terror alert level in order to influence the 2004 election. What do you think?

Hopefully our new administration can restore the color alert system to its objective and useful form.


Michelle Twiller

Yes, but if we had had a low terror alert level, then no one would have voted at all, because everyone would have been at the park.


Warren Oldman

Well, it backfired for me. I was so panicked I ended up in a mental institution and didn't vote. In your face, Bush administration!


Axel Hill

Smokey The Bear Turns 65

The USDA Forest Service mascot Smokey Bear turned 65 earlier this month. What do you think?

Since Smokey opened my eyes to fire safety years ago, I've learned a ton from just chatting with bears.


Rose Johnson

Smokey The Bear Turns 65

You'd think the idea of a large brown bear in jeans and a ranger hat would be very effective in reaching a demographic mainly composed of crazed arsonists and lightning strikes, but I have my doubts.


Stephan Latta

Smokey The Bear Turns 65

That irresponsible bear has led to our nation's single-minded focus on preventing forest fires, when the real threats to American woodlands are the nefarious Sirex woodwasp, emerald ash borer, and hemlock wooly adelgid.


JoBeth Straschnoy

Calley Apologizes For My Lai Massacre

Lt. William Calley, the only soldier to be held legally accountable for the 1968 massacre at My Lai, Vietnam, apologized in a speech to the Kiwanis Club of Greater Columbus, GA. What do you think?

Good, now Vietnam has to apologize for beating us.


Dennis Phillips-Sandy

Calley Apologizes For My Lai Massacre

It's about time the Kiwanis Club received some kind of recognition for the atrocities committed against them during the Vietnam War.


Thomas Glander

Calley Apologizes For My Lai Massacre

That's not good enough for me. I won't be satisfied until Calley personally apologizes in front of my local Rotary Club.


Charlie Biggin

Jessica Biel Searches Infectious

According to a study by McAfee, 20 percent of all searches for actress Jessica Biel will return results infected with a virus or malware. What do you think?

I choose to focus on the other 80 percent that return photos of a nice-looking woman with a phenomenal publicist and a fairly catchy name.


Kevin Pozner

Jessica Biel Searches Infectious

What about combing through her garbage for a memento of some kind? That's harmless, right?


Charlotte Haber

Jessica Biel Searches Infectious

Once I did a web search on Stephen Hawking, and my PC instantly gained 850 terabytes of memory and a 3-D holographic touch-screen interface.


Rebecca Spahr

Sanford Vows To Complete Term

South Carolina governor Mark Sanford, who disappeared for several days in June to visit his Argentine lover, has stated that he will not resign despite outside pressure to do so. What do you think?

Oh, I see what's going on here, his mistress is only into him because he's a governor.


Arthur Shea

Sanford Vows To Complete Term

As someone who always yields to outside pressure, might I say: Governor Sanford, yield to outside pressure.


Mason Pfau

Sanford Vows To Complete Term

That hot Argentine woman is the one who should resign from whatever it is she did when she wasn't being so sexy! God, she was…so sexy. What were we talking about?


Nigel Zabel

Postal Workers Offered Buyout

Thirty thousand employees of the United States Postal Service have been offered a $15,000 incentive to quit, which would save the troubled agency $500 million next fiscal year. What do you think

With $15,000 in their wallets and specialized Postal Service training, these folks can write their own tickets.


Scott Hiller

Postal Workers Offered Buyout

I feel bad for the postal workers. To help them out, I think I will begin a chain letter warning people they will be struck down with cancer unless they send the letter to 10 other people.


Judy Moynihan

Postal Workers Offered Buyout

If the fifteen grand doesn't work, they should offer each of them their own commemorative stamp.


Lane Heater

RNC's Health Scare Tactics

A recent fundraising mailer for the Republican National Committee was accompanied by a questionnaire which intimated that any health care reform may include a provision to deny Republicans medical treatment. What do you think?

That's absurd. The legislation would merely deny Republicans anesthesia during surgery.


Liz McEneaney

RNC's Health Scare Tactics

I find it absolutely appalling that anyone could believe that political affiliation would be used to determine who receives medical treatment. That's what race and socioeconomic standing are for.


Grant Drucker

RNC's Health Scare Tactics

But if the Republicans don't like this health care policy, wouldn't they want to be excluded?


Jessica Carson

Bernanke Had ID Stolen

Federal Reserve chairman Ben Bernanke was one of the victims of a nationwide identity-fraud ring that stole $2.1 million from consumers and businesses. What do you think?

Thank heavens his identity didn't fall into the hands of a really dull villain.


Jason Sutton

Bernanke Had ID Stolen

Wait, so that wasn't the real Ben Bernanke who bought $4,600 worth of high-end car stereo equipment and decals from my online store?


Ward Soliday

Bernanke Had ID Stolen

At the same time, the economy is heading out of a recession. Those criminals must know how to balance a budget.


Dan Perry

Mother Of 18 Pregnant

Forty-two-year-old Michelle Duggar of the TLC show 18 Kids And Counting is expecting a 19th child in March. What do you think?

This is just a desperate marketing ploy. Shows always add a kid when their ratings slip.


Phil Ryan

Mother Of 18 Pregnant

I hope they realize that you can only have so many tambourine players in a family act before it just becomes annoying.


Sara Bloom

Mother Of 18 Pregnant

Isn't the 4-H supposed to give her a ribbon at this point? Or does she have to make it to 20 for that?


Carla Levy

Gmail Suffers Major Outage

An overloaded Google router caused a shutdown of Gmail on Tuesday, affecting 150 million users for nearly two hours. What do you think?

So by the end of next May, we should start seeing the first of the Google Outage babies being born.


Eric Newman

Gmail Suffers Major Outage

Now I don't look so silly for never signing up for an e-mail address, do I?


Adam Carmody

Gmail Suffers Major Outage

Remember the time when 150 million people couldn't use Gmail for nearly ten years? From 1993–2003? And every year before that? Unimaginable.


Liam Freiman

Cartel Kills 18 In Rehab

A Mexican drug cartel is being blamed for the shooting deaths of 18 patients at a rehab clinic. What do you think?

People are so quick to blame things on drug cartels. Did anyone ever consider that those 18 people might all have the same jealous boyfriend?


Sarah Shapiro

Cartel Kills 18 In Rehab

As a marketing executive, I'm intrigued by the idea of maintaining product loyalty by threatening former customers with death.


Demitri Cervenkova

Cartel Kills 18 In Rehab

I'm going to use this as a cautionary tale for my children as soon as I figure out what the non-ironic moral is.


Stanley Morganstern

Xbox 360 Least Reliable

A study of repair records showed that the Xbox 360 was substantially less reliable than its competitors. What do you think?

I just thought that Guitar Hero II always crashed because I was rocking so hard.


Cynthia Abernathy

Xbox 360 Least Reliable

Sure, but only if you use the same Xbox 360 every day. You should really be cycling through four or five of them.


Joseph Cummings

Xbox 360 Least Reliable

Ha! I knew it! I've been telling people for years, and now everyone's going to have to listen to me and respect me.


Theresa Siegfried

Teens Don't Tweet

A survey by Nielsen found that only 16 percent of Twitter users were under 25. What do you think?

Isn't that the same percentage of teens who would respond to a Nielsen survey?


Jody Phillips

Teens Don't Tweet

It's nice to know that my incisive musings and humorous takes on waiting in lines, reality TV, and my cat's behavior are reaching the mature and sophisticated audience they were intended for.


Marshall Christensen

Teens Don't Tweet

That's because teens today are too busy sexting! I saw it on the news.


Dale North

Wikipedia Contributors Mostly Male

A new study of Wikipedia showed that 87 percent of the site's editors were male. What do you think?

This just proves how much manpower it takes to keep the Dr. Who page current.


Jennifer Bergen

Wikipedia Contributors Mostly Male

As it should be. A lady knows better than to correct someone in public.


Lucy Page

Wikipedia Contributors Mostly Male

I'm a second-wave feminist and have been fighting for equality for decades now, but I think this is where I quit.


Mara Carlton

Die Young, Live Fast

A recent survey suggests teens who believe they'll die at a young age are more likely to engage in risky behavior. What do you think?

These kids sound really awesome. I wish I'd had a more messed up worldview when I was younger.


Nick Barnes

Die Young, Live Fast

I don't know about this. I live by a school and have put a running chainsaw in the hands of hundreds of teens as they've walked by over the years and not one was willing to climb my oak tree and saw off the limb that hangs over the garage.


Scott Bird

Die Young, Live Fast

My teen isn't going to die young! He and his friends are going to live forever! SENIORS '09!


David Munro

Dogs As Smart As 2-Year-Olds

Researchers have found that dogs are capable of comprehending up to 250 words, can count to five, and are capable of deception, putting them on par with 2-year-old children. What do you think?


Paulette Long

Dogs As Smart As 2-Year-Olds

If that's true, then why was everyone at the park so shocked when my dog kept asking me, 'Why?'


Michael Kimball

Dogs As Smart As 2-Year-Olds

Not only was my pit bull as smart as a 2-year-old, he was also many times stronger than a 9-year-old, according to the county coroner's office.


Martin Speck

Music Companies Suing 'Ellen'

The Ellen DeGeneres Show is being sued by a number of record labels, including Sony, Warner Bros., and Motown, for unauthorized use of music in a segment on the program in which the host dances to her desk. What do you think?

Well, I guess we'll just have to get used to Ellen dancing to her desk to 'The Battle Hymn Of The Republic' from now on.


Liz Fish

Music Companies Suing 'Ellen'

They have to send a message to our middle-aged generation that it's not okay to steal music.


Richard Williams

Music Companies Suing 'Ellen'

You can't sue people for dancing unless that dance results in murder, as per the precedent set in 1961 by Sharks v. Jets, 1961.


Lori Williams

Ex-Football Star Running For Congress

Retired NFL player Jay Riemersma announced Monday that in 2010 he will run as a Republican for one of Michigan's seats in the U.S. House of Representatives. What do you think?

I'm sure Congress will welcome him. They've been looking for a good tight end to replace Kennedy.


Justin Stainer

Ex-Football Star Running For Congress

I hope in his first speech he makes metaphorical connections between football and politics.


Josh Konopka

Ex-Football Star Running For Congress

It's so inspiring that, even after all those concussions, he's going to get out there and make some law.


Gil Pastore

Would-Be Burglar Killed With Sword

A Johns Hopkins University student used a samurai sword to kill a man who had broken into his home. What do you think?

If only those boys had kept a gun in the house, this tragic situation could have been highlighted in an NRA newsletter.


James Levy

Would-Be Burglar Killed With Sword

Maybe my wife will get off my back now about that trebuchet I've got set up in the garage.


Jan Karuschkat

Would-Be Burglar Killed With Sword

If the honor of his clan was truly threatened, then the student was justified in slaying his opponent. But if he killed a defenseless man, then he must be prepared to do penance via ritual seppuku.


Mandy Fielding

Color Blindness Cured in Monkeys

An experimental treatment in which a human virus carrying color-sensing genes was injected into monkeys' eyes resulted in a drastic reduction in red-green color blindness. What do you think?

Wonderful. Now those monkeys can obey traffic lights like everybody else.


Eric Hunt

Color Blindness Cured in Monkeys

Of all the things I've injected into monkeys' eyes, I never considered experimental therapies.


Jim Schmidt

Color Blindness Cured in Monkeys

Hopefully the monkeys will remember our act of generosity in the troubled era to come.


Mike Collins

Pregnant And Infirm Given First H1N1 Vaccine

The Centers for Disease Control announced that vaccinations for the H1N1 virus would be given first to pregnant women and adults with compromised immune systems. What do you think?


Cheryl Cannucciari

Great. Another pregnancy I have to fake.


Vin Cocca

As annoyed as I am that pregnant women will receive the vaccine before me, I'm willing to accept it as an adequate trade-off for being able to ride the Tilt-a-Whirl.


Gerald Collins

Nigerian Officials Try To Block 'District 9'

Nigerian information minister Dora Akunyili has asked movie houses to stop screening the science fiction film District 9 because of its unflattering portrayal of Nigerians. What do you think?

If the Nigerians would just lose a little weight, they'd have nothing to worry about.


Tiffany Fripp

I saw District 9, and it didn't change what I think about Nigerians. Which is nothing. I only think about America.


Aaron Turrington

Because the Nigerian government's vast oil wealth is always generously and transparently passed down to its grateful citizens, you can see why the information minister would chafe at a film that portrays Nigerians as corrupt thugs.


Ruby Ellroy

Edwards Alleged To Have Love Child

According to an ex-aide, former Democratic presidential candidate John Edwards may have fathered a child with a videographer on his campaign staff. What do you think?

This is the weirdest attempt at a political comeback I've ever seen.


Morgan Chandler

Edwards Alleged To Have Love Child

Doesn't she know that having sex with John Edwards gives you cancer?


Jeff Willeford

Edwards Alleged To Have Love Child

Well, that settles it. He'll never get the 2008 Democratic presidential nomination.


Peter Tudyk

Flavored Cigarettes Banned

The FDA ban on cigarettes flavored with cloves or fruit—but not menthol—took effect this week. What do you think?

It's really disappointing that we need the government to tell people they shouldn't be smoking clove-flavored cigarettes.


Jake Karuschkat

Flavored Cigarettes Banned

I think that, in the interest of fairness, Bud Light Lime should have to go as well.


Darla McCann

Flavored Cigarettes Banned

Bummer. With clove cigarettes a thing of the past, it won't be long before the Cure breaks up.


Christie McQuern

Mackenzie Phillips Had Sex With Father

Actress Mackenzie Phillips, star of One Day At A Time, writes in her new memoir that she had a consensual sexual relationship with her father, John Phillips of the Mamas and the Papas. What do you think?

That is absolutely revolting. Who in their right mind would pick Mackenzie over Chynna?


Keith Cervantes

Mackenzie Phillips Had Sex With Father

Seriously? But John Phillips wrote some of the squarest la-la-la pop music ever.


Carl Splichalova

Mackenzie Phillips Had Sex With Father

In that case, I owe my fulminating, hippie-baiting dad an apology.


Paul West

British Relax Assisted-Suicide Laws

A clarification of law makes it less likely that relatives of terminally ill people will be prosecuted in England for helping a loved one end his or her life. What do you think?

Won't this lead to a rash of terminally ill people being put out of their misery?


Madison Brock

British Relax Assisted-Suicide Laws

I have no problem, as long as they use the regulation suicide-assistance mallet.


Roger Milton

British Relax Assisted-Suicide Laws

It's a difficult issue, but I think there's a time in many Britons' lives when they must say, 'Fuck all, it's gone tits up the lot of it, so no more muckin' about like a silly cunt, yeah? Cheers.'


Jerry Raudive

Polanski Arrested On 31-Year-Old Sex Charge

As he tried to enter Switzerland to receive a lifetime achievement award, filmmaker Roman Polanski was arrested in connection with the 1977 rape of an American 13-year-old. What do you think?

Yeah, like every 13-year-old girl in the country at the time wasn't absolutely crazy about Chinatown director Roman Polanski.


Molli Kass

I'm sure now that he's been captured, justice can finally be evaded with money.


Rolf Jürgenson

Oh, I'm sure she's over it by now. The average woman only needs like two years max to get over a rape if it's by someone famous.


Nikki Frattalli

Secret Service Investigating Facebook Poll

Facebook has suspended an application that allows its members to create polls after a user, who is now being investigated by the Secret Service, posed the question "Should Obama be killed?"" What do you think?"

Come back to Friendster. You can threaten the president there all you want.


Hal Gruber

What's the big deal? I understand there is a parallel piece of legislation on the floor of the Texas Legislature.


Mike Fitzpatrick

I hope the higher-ups in the Secret Service check my profile. I clicked 'No.'


Frank Paterson

New Mariah Carey CD Has Ads

The 34-page booklet for Memoirs Of An Imperfect Angel, the new CD from Island Def Jam recording artist Mariah Carey, includes advertisements for such products as Elizabeth Arden cosmetics. What do you think?

Oh, well, that's not so bad. Or does it have songs, too?


Tom Weiss

New Mariah Carey CD Has Ads

I like being marketed to. It's like someone out there still thinks I'm employable.


Adrienne Hysen

New Mariah Carey CD Has Ads

I am always happy to hear about potentially lucrative new revenue streams for Mariah Carey.


Jenny Melowic

Nevada Has Highest Percentage Of Uninsured Children

A Census report says that Nevada leads the nation in uninsured children, with nearly 20 percent lacking health coverage. What do you think?

Good thing my kid's a bully and I don't have to worry about that stuff.


Peter Magas

This is really only shocking until you hear that 40 percent of children lack health insurance in my family.


Jason Walter

As a resident of Mississippi, I can't tell you how proud I am that we didn't finish dead last in a quality-of-life measurement.


Jun Weneau

Detroit Facing Corpse Surplus

Corpses are piling up in the Wayne County Morgue in Detroit because families and loved ones can't afford to bury or cremate the bodies. What do you think?

At least they have a roof over their heads and no cares in the world. There are a lot Michiganders who would gladly trade places with those corpses.


June Reno

Detroit Facing Corpse Surplus

Ford's doing okay. Maybe they need some crash-test dummies?


Yan Juno

Detroit Facing Corpse Surplus

Being dead, though, probably is the best way to experience Detroit.


Sampson Mooney

T. Rex Skeleton Put Up For Auction At Casino

A nearly complete skeleton of a Tyrannosaurus rex found in South Dakota was put up for auction at the Venetian casino in Las Vegas last weekend. What do you think?

What if you just want a couple of bones, for soup?


Tara Czukay

I think I'll just keep playing the slots until I win one.


Joseph Schmidt

And to think, just 65 million years ago, that majestic animal likely had some dignity.


Wendy Roeder

Autism More Common Than Thought

A new government study published in the journal Pediatrics indicates that one in every 91 American children is affected by autism instead of the previously estimated number of one in 150. What do you think?

Wow, that means there is one child with autism at all times in Chuck E. Cheese.


Stan Benzinger

Autism More Common Than Thought

Back in the day, we didn't go over-diagnosing every kid with a problem. We just excluded them.


Gordon Pirnia

Autism More Common Than Thought

My autistic kids are the coolest, though, because they don't interrupt me when I'm on the phone.


Lee Laporte

Hummer Drivers Get Most Tickets

A study conducted by a statistical information company concluded that drivers of Hummers received 4.63 times the number of citations other drivers did. What do you think?

Oh, that explains what the little car with the blinky roof lights was doing near me the other day.


Gordon Seals

Hummer Drivers Get Most Tickets

I still don't understand why I have to obey traffic laws when I'm clearly such an important person. Conveying that message was the whole reason I bought a Hummer.


Shelly Petrova

Hummer Drivers Get Most Tickets

That's unfair. People should only get ticketed based on what race they are.


Deb Hawley

Parents Against Swine Flu Vaccine

An Associated Press poll shows that 38 percent of all parents do not want their children vaccinated against the H1N1 virus, or swine flu. What do you think?

I would refuse to let my child have the flu vaccine if he hadn't died of measles earlier this year.


Harvey Enkler

Parents Against Swine Flu Vaccine

If there's a cure, my son won't feel threatened every time I held up this fake vial of the virus. How else am I supposed to get him to do chores?


Orlando Griffin

Parents Against Swine Flu Vaccine

All right, you got me! I don't love my kids.


Barack Obama Wins Nobel Peace Prize

For the achievement of giving the world "hope for a better future

President Barack Obama was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize. What do you think?"

Oh, to be honored among such towering presidents as Woodrow Wilson and Jimmy Carter.


Barack Obama Wins Nobel Peace Prize

Watch out, Nobel Committee—you're about to get the ACORN treatment.


Barack Obama Wins Nobel Peace Prize

It still doesn't live up to the time George W. Bush caught a seven-and-a-half-pound perch in his own private lake. Seven and a half pounds!


Steven Tetley

French Official Won't Resign Over Pederasty Allegations

French culture minister Frédéric Mitterrand is refusing to resign following controversy over a passage in his book The Bad Life that insinuates he paid for sex with boys in Thailand. What do you think?

Good for him! Resigning would only dignify the kind of trashy rumors insinuated in his autobiography.


Hannah Piccarreto

Now I really can't wait to read all the dirt in German federal minister of food, agriculture and consumer protection's Ilse Aigner's new tell-all!


Rory Haddad

What's wrong with paying for sex with boys in France itself? Is he not a patriot?


Debbie Schroeder

Hijacker Arrested After More Than 40 Years

Luis Armando Pena Soltren was arrested at John F. Kennedy International Airport on Sunday for his role in a 1968 hijacking of a Pan Am flight bound for Puerto Rico. What do you think?

I once took some extra peanuts on a flight out of JFK, but I had the good sense not to go back there.


Marc Shapiro

This gives me hope that, maybe not today, and maybe not tomorrow, but perhaps 41 years from now, the authorities will find my bike.


Jordan Gotschall

Thanks a lot. I had finally managed to forget that day. Now, suddenly, it's November 24, 1968 again, I'm in 7A next to some chatty French tourist, and someone with a pistol is trying to explain to me the difference between Puerto Rico and Cuba.


Dave Nowak

Republican Site Crashes

GOP.com, the new social networking site for Republicans, crashed hours after it was launched on Tuesday. What do you think?

No site structure can possibly withstand that many people typing in all caps.


Don Rose

Republican Site Crashes

It works fine, you just have to remember to type in the suffix for their offshore domain in Bermuda.


Ann Sliter

Republican Site Crashes

It's kind of a shame, since they'd gone to the trouble of sending everyone a letter telling them what comments they should post.


Susan Torgerson

Consumers Blast Pepsi iPhone App

People are raising objections to a new iPhone application from Pepsi that offers to help men seduce women, then keep a "Brag List"" they can share with friends. What do you think?"

If you can't tell your friends about it, why else would you endure sex?


Elliott Struble

Consumers Blast Pepsi iPhone App

You can't learn how to pick up women from some iPhone application. You learn how to pick up women from my two-day seminar this weekend at the Airport Sheraton.


Dan McCaskey

Consumers Blast Pepsi iPhone App

I knew that a carbonated sugar beverage could make you more athletic, focused, attractive, and carefree, but it can also help you seduce women? Man, I love soda.


Tim Venitsky

Water Found On The Moon

The presence of water has been detected all over the surface of the moon by planetary geologists. What do you think?

Yes, but does the moon have peninsulas? Earth rules!!


Agatha Smith

Water Found On The Moon

Thank God. I'm so thirsty from that long space ride.


John Elke

Water Found On The Moon

A rat done bit my sister Nell, with water on the moon. Her face and arms began to swell, and water's on the moon.


Dylan Camp

NFL Players Wear Pink For Breast Cancer

During the month of October, many professional football players are wearing pink as part of their uniforms to raise awareness for breast cancer. What do you think?

The campaign is really working. Me and my buddies talked about breasts all game long on Sunday.


Grace Malla

NFL Players Wear Pink For Breast Cancer

That reminds me to wear pink, too, albeit for purely selfish, mercenary reasons.


Clay Clevenger

NFL Players Wear Pink For Breast Cancer

I think it also adds a certain poignancy to the center-quarterback exchange.


Ann Gaddis

Math Skills Show Little Growth

Testing of American fourth- and eighth-graders shows that only four out of 10 are proficient in mathematics, a figure that has not improved since 2007. What do you think?

Oh, no. All of our high-paying jobs differentiating between parallelograms and rhombuses are sure to go to the Chinese.


Patrick Fanning

Math Skills Show Little Growth

Well, duh. Everyone knows history is where it's at.


Steve Weid

Math Skills Show Little Growth

Oh hell, when is the real world ever going to have any use for today's American kids anyway?


Alexandra Izzo

No Rise In Social Security

For the first time since 1975, there will not be a cost-of-living increase for Social Security payments. What do you think?

It looks like another year without new tennis balls for the bottom of grandma's walker.


Victor Mariscal

No Rise In Social Security

It'll certainly make my grandmother's choice between buying medicine or heating oil easier if she can't afford either.


Mike Lagattuta

No Rise In Social Security

Hopefully, the unemployed and elderly will learn from this and next year will go back to giving the stellar performances we expect from them.


Troy Row

T. Rex Ancestor Was Human-Sized

Paleontologists have uncovered fossil evidence of a progenitor of the Tyrannosaurus Rex that was no larger than a human being. What do you you think?

Great. So now my nightmares about being eaten by a T. Rex will not only be terrifying, but humiliating, too.


Vanessa Lopez

T. Rex Ancestor Was Human-Sized

Would you look at that! Its claws are no bigger than mine.


Samuel Feldman

T. Rex Ancestor Was Human-Sized

As someone with really short grandparents, I can completely relate.


James Mick

Morrissey Stable After Onstage Collapse

Former Smiths singer Morrissey is in stable condition after developing breathing problems and falling to the ground during a performance in Swindon, England. What do you think?

I'm tempted to say something sour and deprecating about Morrissey, but I'm sure he's already put it into verse.


Jess Pitkin

Morrissey Stable After Onstage Collapse

Nothing affirms the dreary sameness of life like surviving a near-death experience just to do the same thing again tomorrow.


Vernon Marine

Morrissey Stable After Onstage Collapse

What a coincidence. At that very moment I was listening to 'There Is A Light That Never Goes Out,' as I do every moment of every day.


Alexis Carter

Laptops Contributed To Pilot Error

Federal safety investigators are citing use of laptop computers among the factors that caused a Northwest Airlines pilot and copilot to become distracted and overshoot their destination of Minneapolis by 150 miles. What do you think?

Well, flying Northwest is such a pleasure that I'm sure most passengers would jump at the chance to log an extra 150 miles with the airline.


Davis Sheedy

Laptops Contributed To Pilot Error

I remember a simpler time when tipsy pilots were busy clinking glasses together instead of looking at websites as they sailed past their destinations.


Ryan Hayes

Laptops Contributed To Pilot Error

It could have been worse. That plane could have been going to Barcelona. Can you imagine missing Barcelona?! So frustrating.


Benjamin Rodgers

Latvian Meteor Strike A Hoax

A Latvian mobile phone company has admitted it staged a meteor strike outside the town of Mazsalaca as a publicity stunt. What do you think?

I wish people would stage meteor hoaxes in my town. Instead, when people where I live get bored, they inhale lacquer thinner.


Nick Ast

Latvian Meteor Strike A Hoax

Why do we always have to question things? Can't we just enjoy the hole in the ground for what it isn't?


Ann Finkel

Latvian Meteor Strike A Hoax

It makes you wonder what other ruses those dastardly Latvians are trying to pull on us. Are those Rothko paintings really masterpieces, or just plain old monochromatic rectangles?


Jennifer Winston

McDonald's Abandons Iceland

Iceland's three McDonald's locations are closing because of the collapse of the island nation's currency. What do you think?

I guess we'll never find out if that crafty Pinchy Puffin ever got his hands on a McRutabaga Shake.


Larry Rubin

McDonald's Abandons Iceland

Let this serve as a warning to us all. Iceland has universal health care and now they have no more McDonald's.


Andrew Sanchez

McDonald's Abandons Iceland

Someone's going to have to get Björk out of the ball pit.


Brad Dyson

Bill May Have Cost Hillary VP Slot

In the new issue of Time magazine by former Obama campaign aide David Ploufe indicates that Hillary Clinton was a serious contender for the VP slot in 2008, but that her ex-president husband ultimately brought with him too many complications. What do you think?

It would have been so much easier for her if Bill had just stayed anonymous.


David Donavan

Bill May Have Cost Hillary VP Slot

Boo-hoo. Like Hillary would've even gotten the secretary of state gig if Bill hadn't known a guy and made a few calls.


Erin Blackmore

Bill May Have Cost Hillary VP Slot

Can you imagine how dreadful it would've been to have such an outspoken, embarrassing silver fox so close to the vice presidency?


Greg Dwyer

Karzai Rival Pulls Out Of Race

Afghan presidential contender Abdullah Abdullah withdrew his candidacy six days before a scheduled runoff election, calling into question the legitimacy of Hamid Karzai's government. What do you think?

The election was corrupt to its very core. There was not a single warlord on the ballot.


Molli Simpson

Karzai Rival Pulls Out Of Race

Wait, he backed out? And here I've still got all these 'Abdullah Abdullah '09' signs up in my yard like a jackass.


Ed Finkler

Karzai Rival Pulls Out Of Race

He'll be fine. It's only a matter of time till someone offers him a sweet 10-goat book deal.


First Female Tower Of London Guard Bullied

The bullying of Moira Cameron, the first female "Beefeater"" guard in the Tower of London's history

has resulted in the suspension of two Beefeaters and the investigation of a third. What do you think?"

It's understandable that she would be bullied, since those men are probably bullied all the time by real soldiers.


These new guards better toughen up if they're going to have any hope of containing Sir Thomas More.


Yeah, but it's weird seeing a woman wearing that dress.


John Anzalone

AT&T Claims Verizon Lied About Coverage

Telecommunications giant AT&T; is suing Verizon Wireless for ads Verizon ran suggesting AT&T; had gaps in its network. What do you think?

Damn right they're lying! AT&T is capable of dropping calls anywhere in the continental U.S.


Eric Caiafa

AT&T Claims Verizon Lied About Coverage

Wow. The last thing you expect a company to do in its advertisements is make claims that it's better than its rivals.


Emily Steele

AT&T Claims Verizon Lied About Coverage

Let the exhilarating truth ring out: Where AT&T lacks 3G coverage, it will likely support a lesser, but mostly functional network standard.


Dianne Lovecraft

Ohio Legalized Casinos

Voters in Ohio approved a plan to open casinos in the state's four largest cities. What do you think?

This could really put Cincinnati on the map.


Richard Bloch

Ohio Legalized Casinos

It sure would be nice to see Cleveland blossom into a modern-day Atlantic City.


Noel Derelith

Ohio Legalized Casinos

I cannot abide it. It will bring vice to Columbus!


Troy Hall

Berlin Wall Came Down 20 Years Ago

On Nov 9, 1989, the East German government announced that it would allow free travel between East and West Germany, an act that eventually led to the reunification of Germany. What do you think?

I recall it was really touching when the East German government bureaucrats were tearfully reunited with the West German government bureaucrats.


Daphne Varenka

Berlin Wall Came Down 20 Years Ago

I can still remember exactly what I was doing when I heard the news. I was fiddling with my slap bracelet when the newscaster cut in to Designing Women, causing me to spill New Coke all over my Big Johnson shirt.


Scott Lee

Berlin Wall Came Down 20 Years Ago

What a great 20 years. It'll almost be a shame when the wall goes back up tomorrow.


Franklin Spain

Cash For Clunkers Resulted In Trucks For Trucks

Analysis of federal data shows that a substantial number of the participants in the federal "Cash for Clunkers"" program merely swapped an older truck for a newer one with slightly better gas mileage. What do you think?"

Wait, a lot of people did that? That's probably why no one's impressed by my new truck


Clarissa Edge

I'm sure things would have gone differently if you could tow four dirt bikes and a speedboat with a Nissan Altima.


Gary Lambdin

I thought about switching to a hybrid car, but then I heard those gruff baritone truck-commercial voice-overs in my head belittling and emasculating me.


Charlene Burnside

Pabst Up For Sale

The Pabst Brewing Co., owners of Pabst Blue Ribbon and Schlitz, is on the market for around $300 million. What do you think?

A whole brewery? That makes more sense than my original plan to buy 300 million individual cans.


Ronald Birkin

Pabst Up For Sale

That's sad. You know whoever buys the brewery is just going to cut costs and make shitty beer.


Alan Wong

Pabst Up For Sale

Aw, man, I can't afford that! I'll have a Bud Light instead.


Nigel Edson

Obama Visiting Asia

President Barack Obama leaves for Japan Thursday, kicking off a nine-day diplomatic visit to Asia that will include four days in China. What do you think?

Hopefully he can bring Sasha back the Chinese currency-revaluation concessions she's been asking for.


Greg O'Rourke

Obama Visiting Asia

I hope he's tough on China and makes clear that if they don't clean up their human rights record, that shipment of five vacuum cleaners is staying right here.


Opal DeMarinis

Obama Visiting Asia

If it were me, I'd go straight to Thailand's ladyboy district. Yep, things would be a little different if I were president.


Petra Wimbish

Lou Dobbs Leaves CNN

The outspoken CNN anchor announced Wednesday that he was resigning, effective immediately. What do you think?

Where on cable television am I supposed to find another right-wing, xenophobic, paranoid white guy pretending to be a journalist?


Arthur LeBlanc

Lou Dobbs Leaves CNN

It's going to be a tough adjustment period for Mrs. Dobbs, what with Lou being at home all the time, hanging out down in the basement and barking into his CB radio.


LaVonn McDonald

Lou Dobbs Leaves CNN

Finally, we'll get to hear what he really thinks about illegal immigrants.


Keith Mulligan

ABC Cancels 'Hank'

After airing five episodes, ABC has canceled the Kelsey Grammer disgraced-CEO-returns-to-small-hometown sitcom Hank. What do you think?

The three-camera-and-laugh-track sitcom formula is so tired. ABC needs to make shows that exactly fit the one-camera-and-awkward-pause formula.


Genevieve Roeder

ABC Cancels 'Hank'

Dammit, episode seven was supposed to be the one where he loosens his tie.


Nathan Tracy

ABC Cancels 'Hank'

Yeah, I couldn't understand that show. Everyone kept calling Frasier 'Hank.'


Marc Mercer

Fed Bans Debit Overdraft Fees

The Federal Reserve is prohibiting banks from collecting overdraft fees on purchases paid with a debit card unless customers opt in to programs that guarantee their balance-exceeding transactions go through. What do you think?

Well, okay. So long as I still get penalized for using my credit cards.


Kelly Jolicouer

Fed Bans Debit Overdraft Fees

I usually send them a few bucks when I go over, anyway, just for their trouble.


Ray Mason

Fed Bans Debit Overdraft Fees

I guess banks will just have to make money the old-fashioned way: selling bad mortgages and causing a global financial collapse.


Teresa Diggle

Scientists Replace Penile Tissue In Rabbits

Researchers from North Carolina's Wake Forest University successfully engineered a replacement erectile tissue that, when implanted in the penises of rabbits, allowed the animals to regain full sexual function. What do you think?

I'd like to hear more about this. I have a friend who's interested in potential cures for impotence. His name is Sam Bailey, and he lives in Toledo, OH.


Dan Shelley

Why do all these rabbits and mice get such favorable treatment? They're always the first to receive cutting-edge cures for sexual dysfunction, weight loss, baldness, and paralysis.


Ken DeVoto

This breakthrough provides hope for every virile guy cut down in his sexual prime by accidentally slamming his erect penis in a car door.


Lyle Sturckow

Federal Government Wants Subway Safety Oversight

The Obama administration will propose that safety regulations for subways and commuter trains be put under the jurisdiction of the federal government. What do you think?

I don't know, do we really need any regulations other than 'If you see another train on the track, don't crash into it?'


Levi Forrester

I support it. I would love to hear a recording of President Obama saying 'Stand clear of the closing doors' in his ringing orator's voice.


Tammy Fuglesang

'I've haven't seen such a clear violation of the 10th Amendment in days!


Vicki Wiedlin

Senator Byrd The Longest-Serving Lawmaker

After more than 56 years in office, 92-year-old Sen. Robert C. Byrd (D-WV) has become the longest-serving member of Congress. What do you think?

It's sad that, even today, the Senate's still the only way for a West Virginia boy to get out of the mines.


Tom Valentine

In 1964 he denies civil rights, then in 2008 he backs Barack Obama. Who knows how he'll feel about black people in 2052?


Joe Caffey

Who is the shortest-serving member of Congress? I feel like that's the guy who needs the most encouragement.


Jim Falconer

Costco Nixes Coke Sales

Due to a disagreement over pricing, big box wholesale club Costco is not carying Coca Cola. What do you think?

Well shit! Where am I supposed to find Coke now?


Debbie Brown

Costco Nixes Coke Sales

But that was the only thing I bought at Costco other than XXL sweatpants.


Geoff Cambpell

Costco Nixes Coke Sales

Just another reason why I've always been and always will be a Shasta man.


Chad Degraw

Oprah To End Her Talk Show

Oprah Winfrey announced last week that she would end her talk show in 2011. What do you think?

But I wasn't planning on having enough self-esteem until 2015.


Kira Bougatsos

Oprah To End Her Talk Show

I hope the next big talk show host also talks about books and careers. I don't want to watch daytime TV and feel unproductive.


Greg Diamond

Oprah To End Her Talk Show

Shouldn't someone tell her that this is not exactly the economic climate in which to be out of a job?


Jane Partridge

'Old Dogs' Opens Today

Old Dogs, starring John Travolta and Robin Williams, opens today. What do you think?


Eric Moulding

'Old Dogs' Opens Today

You left out the most important detail. Are there bloopers over the credits or not?


Darrin Gregory

'Old Dogs' Opens Today

I can't wait! Me and my fishing buddies have opening-night tickets! I dropped my teenage daughters off at their mother's, turned off the BlackBerry, and just took a Flomax, so I should be able to make it through the whole movie.


Jason Woods

Thanksgiving Today

While the rest of the world goes about its business, the United States will celebrate its traditional day of thanks today. What do you think?

Stupid Thanksgiving. I wish I could go to work.


Bill Foad

Thanksgiving Today

That reminds me: I have to put my ashtray/gravy boat in the dishwasher.


Liz Munro

Thanksgiving Today

Thanksgiving is my least favorite holiday next to National Give Your Mom a Candle Day. Wait, that's not a real holiday? I knew it, Mom!


Lacey Moreland

Drug Found To Boost Female Libido

Flibanserin, a drug developed unsuccessfully as a treatment for depression, was shown to increase and enhance sex drive in women. What do you think?

Between this and Viagra, my husband and I will have no excuse not to enjoy a very fulfilling conversation about science.


Neil Ridgeway

Drug Found To Boost Female Libido

I'll be honest with you: I'm not exactly thrilled about the idea of women enjoying sex.


Harry Prieboy

Drug Found To Boost Female Libido

Ha! My wife doesn't need any help getting aroused. We already kiss for two minutes every night.


Damon Roslie

Cameron Distributing Darwin

Actor Kirk Cameron, best known for his work on the television program Growing Pains, is touring college campuses to hand out copies of Charles Darwin's Origin of Species that contain a 50-page critique by Cameron himself. What do you think?

I've seen the commentary, and it's simply not on the level of, say, Eve Plumb's introduction to Rousseau's Emile.


Julie Parypa

Cameron Distributing Darwin

I bet Charles Darwin is lying still in his grave, because he is dead.


Joseph Lind

Cameron Distributing Darwin

This sounds like a really juicy scheme, but you just know his dunderheaded friend Boner is going to completely ruin it somehow, most likely with hilarious results.


Matt King

Swiss Vote Down New Minarets

Voters in Switzerland passed a referendum banning the construction of new Muslim prayer towers. What do you think?

Who knew that a nation full of uptight pricks could also be really intolerant?


Lynda Weitz

Swiss Vote Down New Minarets

I guess there are some Swiss who believe Islamic customs are a threat to their national identity. This is all very eye-opening to me, because I never even knew there was a Swiss national identity.


Nick Lovetro

Swiss Vote Down New Minarets

Can't say I blame them. It's a slippery slope between calling for prayer and hanging sheets and underpants up there to dry.


Darla Castellano

Chelsea Clinton Engaged

Chelsea, the daughter of former president Bill Clinton and Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, is engaged to her longtime boyfriend Marc Mezvinsky. What do you think?

I know I'd be intimidated having Edward Mezvinsky as my future father-in-law.


Ed Bloom

Chelsea Clinton Engaged

Where can we send gifts? I've got a signed copy of Jenna Bush's How To Make Love Like A Former President's Daughter.


Jason Sarzo

Chelsea Clinton Engaged

If she hasn't picked out her wedding band yet, she should check us out on MySpace. We're called Dragon Myst.


Tom Newman

Humans Biologically Disposed To Help

In his new book Why We Cooperate, Dr. Michael Tomasello writes that 18-month-old infants will attempt to help when they see an unrelated adult whose hands are full trying to open a door or pick up a clothespin. What do you think?

Whenever a toddler does something like that for me, I always respond with a polite but firm no-thank-you.


Pat Gilbert

Humans Biologically Disposed To Help

Sure, children don't develop a cold indifference to the plight of those around them until the age of 4 or so.


Shannon Lewis

Humans Biologically Disposed To Help

That's 100 percent true. Just the other day, I saw a group of young men rush to help a tired-looking fellow who wasn't done beating the shit out of a guy on the ground.


Jen Savino

Meredith Baxter Comes Out

Former Family Ties actress Meredith Baxter came out as a lesbian on The Today Show. What do you think?

I've wondered ever since I saw that episode where she was wearing a flannel shirt.


Frank Adams

Meredith Baxter Comes Out

Baxter's courage has finally given me the strength to say what I have wanted to say for more than two decades now: I never really liked Family Ties.


Will Duane

Meredith Baxter Comes Out

I think that, as more high-profile people come out as gay, there will be more opportunities to make the case for gay civil rights and convince the public at large that gay Americans deserve equal protection. Sha-la-la-laaaaaaa.


Walt Swarts

George Stephanopoulos Offered 'Good Morning America' Job

Former adviser to President Clinton and television host George Stephanopoulos has been offered a job as co-anchor of Good Morning America. What do you think?

Just when you thought morning news shows couldn't have any more gravitas and dignity.


Ramona Eickelberg

I've been saying it for years: if you give George Stephanopoulos one day, sooner or later he's going to take the whole damn week.


Jonathan Hageman

Well, he does have all the credentials: He loves America, and he has nice teeth.


Gerry Saunders

New Cell Phone Device Processes Credit Cards

Twitter cofounder Jack Dorsey has introduced the Square, a device that plugs into an iPhone or iPod Touch's headphone jack and allows the user to swipe credit cards. What do you think?

Finally. I was getting tired of making my friends pay me in cash every time they wanted to use my phone.


Kay Turner

I had that idea years ago! I said, 'I should come up with a really great idea. Maybe something to do with a phone?' Damn it. I should have copyrighted that.


Nathan Vockeroth

This is easily going to double my business in piggyback rides.


Lacey Rimbaud

'The Blind Side' An Unexpected Hit

The Blind Side, a drama in which Sandra Bullock takes in and tutors a future all-American offensive tackle, has smashed box office expectations to become a blockbuster hit. What do you think?

I hear there are some icky racial overtones in the movie, but that's just the kind of crazy awkward situation that only a Sandra Bullock character could find love in.


Jeff James

'The Blind Side' An Unexpected Hit

If Meryl Streep or Jodie Foster had taken that kid under her wing, he'd have some Super Bowl rings with the Steelers instead of wasting time with the Baltimore Ravens.


Baxter Roedelius

'The Blind Side' An Unexpected Hit

In that case, maybe I should see it. I'm a huge fan of movies that gross more than $120 million domestically.


Adric Taylor

Weezer Cancels Concerts

Following a bus accident in which lead singer Rivers Cuomo cracked three ribs, the band Weezer has canceled its December tour dates. What do you think?

Now where the hell am I going to wear this stupid cardigan? I don't even think I kept the receipt.


Davros Monasterio

Weezer Cancels Concerts


Leela Schmersal

Weezer Cancels Concerts

That guy gets upset when a girl doesn't like him. I can't imagine the shitty music he's gonna pump out of cracking three ribs.


Laura Beard

Ohio Uses New Execution Method

The execution of Ohio murderer Kenneth Biros made use of an untested one-drug technique that is purportedly an improvement over the three-drug "cocktail"" used in most lethal injections. What do you think?"

I don't know, I'd have to try it out first.


Philip McFarland

Ohio Uses New Execution Method

To make this a valid experiment, they need a control group of death row inmates they can inject with a placebo.


Werner Switzer

Ohio Uses New Execution Method

Unless it killed the inmate faster or funnier, I don't see how it's an improvement.


Thag

Neanderthal Man Flocking To Caves

All over Western Europe and Central Asia, Neanderthal man is inhabiting caves in record numbers. What do you think?

Yet so hard to find cave with something nice on wall instead of crude, violent hunting scene.


Gron

Neanderthal Man Flocking To Caves


Paulette

Neanderthal Man Flocking To Caves

Man no used to need cave. Now, man no survive without it. Life getting too complicated.


Hamon Millins

Magna Carta Issued

The Magna Carta, which limits the powers of the king and binds him to the rule of law, was issued on June 15, 1215. What do you think?

Then, tis tyme to become taken awaye to the prisonne, for I am desirous to trye this new Habeas Corpus.


Godwin Smyth

Magna Carta Issued

Wolde that be the hub-bub at the meadow Runnymede on Monday last? I thought it was juste another publick Juwe-disemboweling.


Alviva Gwynyk

Magna Carta Issued

Step from my path! With haste I must make my way to the tallow shoppe's Magna Carta celebration reduction event.


Ethel Smith

Henry Ford Modernizes Production

The Ford Motor Company is revolutionizing production of the automobile with the introduction of the assembly line. What do you think?

It's satisfying to know I'm helping to build an industry and a future for my grandchildren and great-grandchildren right here in Detroit.


Walter Booker

Henry Ford Modernizes Production

It's about time. I've had enough of those mind-numbingly boring jobs where you have to do different things all day.


Herschel Mandelbaum

Henry Ford Modernizes Production

Amazing! Incredible! I'll be the first in line for employment at Mr. Ford's plant, or my name isn't Herschel Mandelbaum.


Simon Mande

Antipsychotics Can Make Kids Fat

A study published in The Journal Of The American Medical Association found that children who take medication for severe psychiatric problems often experience weight gain. What do you think?

Yes, I'm sure that if those children had just been left to their own devices, they would have taken very good care of their physical fitness.


Matthew Arnheiter

Antipsychotics Can Make Kids Fat

Was the weight gain proportional to how crazy the child was?


Sara Hill

Antipsychotics Can Make Kids Fat

I may sleep with a dead bolt on my bedroom door and a .22 under my pillow, but at least my crazy boy's no tub of butter.


Doug Fischer

Average American Consumes 34 Gigabytes Daily

A study from the University of California, San Diego, reports that each day the average American takes in 34 gigabytes of data. What do you think?

Wow. And to think, there are data-starved children in Africa who subsist on just kilobytes a day.


Trina De Marrias

Wow, that sounds impressive. I must be pretty smart.


Tyler Kuehn

Now, if we could only figure out a way to cram some high fructose corn syrup in there.


Glenn Cronise

Most People Exposed To Secondhand Smoke

According to the World Health Organization, over 94 percent of people around the globe are unprotected from secondhand smoke. What do you think?

94%? Wow, how are my kids ever going to resist the peer pressure to start secondhand smoking?


Layla Shutt

Most People Exposed To Secondhand Smoke

It may be too late for us, but at least we can help protect the jackets and pants of our children.


Paul Richie

Most People Exposed To Secondhand Smoke

I want to care about this but its fighting for attention from the part of me usually reserved to worry about birds getting caught in used plastic six pack rings at landfills.


Chris Henning

6 Million Live On Only Food Stamps

Around 6 million Americans report that food stamps are their only source of income. What do you think?

I think everyone on food stamps should have to prove each week that they've tried to get food another way.


Kaylie Felton

6 Million Live On Only Food Stamps

The program is great, but I could also use some shelter stamps.


William Van Landingham III

6 Million Live On Only Food Stamps

What's going on? I'm feeling a strange uncomfortable emotion. Perhaps this is what you call the feeling of shame. Oh, now it's gone. If you'll excuse me, I have to go buy a seaplane.


Roberta Clowes

Beatty Bedded 12,775 Women, Book Says

According to a biography by Peter Biskind, actor Warren Beatty has had sex with approximately 12,775 women in the past 52 years. What do you think?

We should keep in mind that this number is a bit inflated by the 12,500-way he participated in back in 1967.


Dennis Loeb

Beatty Bedded 12,775 Women, Book Says

That's a lot of pancakes, if he cooked them pancakes the next morning like I assume he did.


Ivan Sturm

Beatty Bedded 12,775 Women, Book Says

Wow, I should get Peter Biskind to write my biography.


Travis Williamson

Would-Be Bomber's Visa Revoked

The State Department announced Tuesday that it has revoked the visa of Nigerian Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab, the man who tried to blow up a Northwestern flight to Detroit on Christmas Day. What do you think?

That's just the start. Tomorrow he's going to be placed on a security watchlist.


Norman Osterberg

Would-Be Bomber's Visa Revoked

When it sinks in that he won't be able to come back for Jazz Fest this year, I hope he'll take time to realize what he's done.


Mandy Asheton

Would-Be Bomber's Visa Revoked

I'm glad somebody's on the ball, but it's still inexcusable that the Department of the Interior hasn't revoked his grazing privileges.


Paula Ashford

Dodd Steps Down

In the wake of his failed bid for president and sliding poll numbers, Sen. Christopher Dodd (D-CT) announced Wednesday that he would not seek reelection in 2010. What do you think?

I guess we won't have Chris Dodd to kick around anymore, or at least casually mention every once in a while.


Tim Krauser

Dodd Steps Down

Are you serious? He's my favorite C-Span character.


Jerry Birkin

Dodd Steps Down

There's something sexy about a senator who doesn't want my vote. Oh God, I want to elect him so bad!


Chance Stefanovich

State Of The Union Could Coincide With 'Lost' Premiere

Fans of the show Lost were up in arms when it was announced that President Obama's State of the Union address might preempt the show's season premiere. What do you think?

Hopefully, the speech will be just as suspenseful and tantalizingly inconclusive.


Pauline Shallcross

I don't give a shit. I stopped watching Lost after the second season and quit paying attention to the State of the Union address during Reagan's second term.


Chuck Trice

That's cool with me. I'll still invite everyone over, but instead of drinking each time Des says 'brotha' or the smoke monster appears, we'll drink each time Obama says 'responsibility' or they cut to Lieberman.


David Fogel

Reid Under Fire For Racially Charged Comments

In a new book about the 2008 presidential campaign, Harry Reid is quoted as saying that Obama could be elected because he was "light-skinned"" and did not speak in a ""Negro dialect."" What do you think?"

Ooh, better hope my grandmother doesn't find out. She's gonna be pissed she didn't get credit for that quote herself.


Anna Schefrin

It's unfair that he's being treated like a huge racist just for saying what the rest of us were thinking but didn't want to say because we were afraid we'd be treated like huge racists.


Wade Heinrich

Then again, John McCain also was light-skinned and didn't speak with a Negro dialect, so maybe there's some X factor Harry Reid is missing.


Paul Thicke

Conan May Leave 'Tonight'

Saying that he doesn't want to take part in the destruction of the Tonight Show legacy, Conan O'Brien announced he will step down from the program he began hosting eight months ago if NBC moves it to a later time slot. What do you think?

Simon Cowell's leaving, Conan's leaving. TV is in a lot of trouble. I mean, where are they going to find people who want to be on it?


Harry Chase

Conan May Leave 'Tonight'

I'm with NBC president Jeff Zucker. Faced with a struggling network, some might have gone with a long-term solution of cultivating talent and developing groundbreaking programming, but Zucker found a quick and superficial answer that involved a shockingly small amount of thought and effort. Bravo.


LeAnn Johnson

Conan May Leave 'Tonight'

Is this guy a saint or something? Who turns down an opportunity to be unfair to Jimmy Fallon?


Christine Ezrin

Cowell Leaving 'American Idol'

Acerbic British talent-show judge Simon Cowell is leaving the program he has helped make popular over the past eight years. What do you think?

That's too bad. Of all the terrible personalities on television, he was my favorite.


Larry Brecker

Cowell Leaving 'American Idol'

Yeah, I guess I'd probably get tired of constantly speaking in a British accent after eight years, too.


Todd Dunbar

Cowell Leaving 'American Idol'

Now whose nipples am I supposed to stare at every week?


Traci Fogel

U.S. Obesity Levels Out

According to statistics collected by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, obesity rates in the United States have remained constant over the past five years. What do you think?

True, but that's mostly because the gain in thighs has been offset by smaller boobs.


Soren Yaw

U.S. Obesity Levels Out

Now maybe the CDC will stop embarrassing me in Wendy's with their calipers.


Olivier Suchorsky

U.S. Obesity Levels Out


Paul Digga

Obama Consults CEOs About Modernizing Government

President Obama met with CEOs from 50 companies, including UPS and Microsoft, to consult with them about how to streamline government and improve services. What do you think?


Sandy Grice

Is one of the things they came up with to stop having meetings with 50 people at a time?


Jay Smith

A lot of big shots will be there—it probably wouldn't be a bad idea for Obama to pass out a few copies of his resumé.


Damon Woods

Everclear Faces Iowa Ban

Following a hazing incident in which a freshman was hospitalized with a blood-alcohol content of 0.5 percent, Iowa is considering banning the high-proof neutral grain spirit known as Everclear. What do you think?

But high-proof vodkas are often essential for freshmen whose gulping muscles aren't fully developed.


Jessie Coles

Everclear Faces Iowa Ban

Everclear overconsumption is certainly a major problem at colleges, but such a ban would be entirely unfair to those of us Iowans who responsibly enjoy a glass of jungle juice with our meals each evening.


Irvng Hunter

Everclear Faces Iowa Ban

That's why freshmen aren't invited to my parties.


Carla Hawkins

Former Fugee's Haiti Charity Under Scrutiny

In the wake of the recent earthquake, a Haiti charity run by rapper Wyclef Jean is under fire for its unusually high administrative costs and allegedly spending money on Jean's for-profit businesses. What do you think?

Fortunately, I've been donating to the legitimate charity run by fellow Fugee Pras, which provides food, water, and temporary shelter to Pras.


LaMont Turner

I'd rather give my earthquake relief money to Jean's charity than to Doctors Without Borders. A borderless doctor strikes me as unseemly.


Beau Jones

Didn't anyone tell him that in the wake of tragedies musicians are supposed to write shitty songs and film black-and-white PSAs?


Kevin Hill

Taco Bell Founder Dead

Glen W. Bell Jr., who started the Taco Bell franchise in 1962, died Sunday at 86. What do you think?

Wow, I never knew that the 'Bell' in 'Taco Bell' referred to a real person. I should ask, is Mr. Hut still with us?


Martin Reed

Taco Bell Founder Dead

Please, I would never send to know for whom the taco bell tolls. It tolls for thee.


Diane Filler

Taco Bell Founder Dead

Glen W. Bell has made his final run for the border. The border between death and life. And he has now crossed the border to death. Goodbye, Glen W. Bell.


Lori Bean

Bible Verses Encoded On U.S. Military Gun Sights

ABC News reported that, since 2005, military contractor Trijicon has been engraving coded Bible passages on sniper sights supplied to soldiers in Iraq and Afghanistan. What do you think?

It would be better if they were printed inside the barrel so the message would rub off on the bullet as it exited the gun.


Brad Charles

And to think, all this time I've been hand-carving the Second Epistle to the Corinthians into my scope like some kind of chump.


Jerry Bailey

That's not fair. I heard the Jewish snipers got their rifles engraved with Seinfeld quotes.


Joseph Alvaro

Air America Ceases Operations

As of Thursday, liberal radio network Air America stopped all live programming and announced it was filing for Chapter 7 bankruptcy. What do you think?

But where are people who love weight-loss products supposed to get a critical perspective on U.S. foreign policy?


Francis Dolarhyde

Air America Ceases Operations

It serves them right. I called and called and they never played 'Hotel California.'


Lincoln Dillon

Air America Ceases Operations

That's too bad. I thoroughly enjoyed listening to my favorite people with no radio experience learn how to be on the radio. It was like watching a delightful elementary school play.


comprised entirely of all-white

New All-White Basketball League Launched

Augusta, GA boxing promoter Don "Moose"" Lewis has announced the creation of The All-American Basketball League

American-born players. What do you think?"

So basically, my dad's high school basketball team in rural North Dakota circa 1955 times twelve. OK. I don't think we have much to worry about here.


The All-Star Weekend ought to be really impressive, what with the Layup Competition and Crisp Chest Pass Off.


Now maybe I can actually follow a game. Those colored fellows move awful fast


Emily Sawyer

16-Year-Old Attempts Sailing Record

Abby Sunderland, 16, is attempting to set a world record by becoming the youngest person to sail alone around the world. What do you think?

Yeah, I just read about that in Horrible Parents magazine.


Aaron Brock

16-Year-Old Attempts Sailing Record

Well, I guess I'll tell my 17-year-old daughter who's sailing around the world that she's failed, yet again.


Dean Enright

16-Year-Old Attempts Sailing Record

That's impressive, but remember, Sir Francis Drake circumnavigated the globe more than 400 years ago in a small wooden ship filled with illiterate, foul-smelling Britons while wearing a stupid ruff around his neck.


Cathy Morris

Obama Gives State Of The Union

After a full year in office, President Barack Obama delivered his first State of the Union address. What do you think?

With all his talk about putting people back to work, I really wish the president had announced an initiative to prevent layoffs at local Pizza Huts.


Chris Hook

Obama Gives State Of The Union

I'm not really sure how good the speech was. Unlike other presidents, Obama said that the state of our union was strong right at the beginning, so I felt relieved and turned the TV off.


Luke Sumner

Obama Gives State Of The Union

I listened closely, but I'm still not sure if my dream of opening a small insurance company is good or bad for America.


Kathleen Hulka

Truck Drivers Barred From Texting

The U.S. government will no longer allow drivers of large trucks and buses to text while they are driving. What do you think?

Texting and driving is irresponsible, but it probably gets pretty lonely out there on the road. Hey! Someone should write a song about that!


Lyle Gorch

Truck Drivers Barred From Texting

With this ban in place, there's pretty much nothing to do while driving but daydream and rear-end the car in front of you.


Arch Harris

Truck Drivers Barred From Texting

Aw, shucks. But sometimes you just want to send out a quick 'breaker breaker one-nine' to your buddies without starting up a whole long CB conversation.


Kevin Markoe

Disney Shutters Miramax

The Walt Disney Company is closing down its indie-film arm Miramax, the home of such films as The Piano and Pulp Fiction. What do you think?

That's good. I always thought it was bullshit that Disney got to hide behind Miramax every time they wanted to release a violent movie where Mickey beats the shit out of Pluto.


Ruth Downey

Disney Shutters Miramax

Thank God. It was always so boring sitting through that four-second logo at the beginning of movies. It just said 'Miramax'—no lion, no mountain, no kid fishing from the moon, no nothing.


Nick Elliott

Disney Shutters Miramax

Is there anything that Boondock Saints guy touched that didn't get ruined?


Matt Breckman

Future Of Moon Mission In Doubt

Due to financial constraints, NASA's plans to return to the moon are no longer in the Obama budget. What do you think?

That's just another few years Buzz Aldrin will have to wait to get his wallet back.


Jody Hanson

Future Of Moon Mission In Doubt

It's about time the government put space exploration in the capable hands of the private sector. I personally can't wait to ride on the Arby's 1.


Christian Yazbek

Future Of Moon Mission In Doubt

But moon people turned out in record droves to vote Democrat!


Becky Pross

Amazon Stock Falls In E-Book Dispute

After a dispute between Macmillan and Amazon over e-book pricing resulted in the retailer briefly removing all the publishing house's books from its website, shares of Amazon fell around 7 percent. What do you think?

Macmillan's loss. I would have bought Everything Ravaged, Everything Burned for $9.99, but at $12.99, I'm going with NCIS and, for commercial breaks, an old copy of People.


Rob Wickline

Amazon Stock Falls In E-Book Dispute

Publishing house? I thought Stephen Coonts just typed all the books right into Amazon.


Larry Hall

Amazon Stock Falls In E-Book Dispute

And then what happened? I just can't get enough of this publishing industry intrigue.


Pentagon Brass Supports Gays In Military

Defense Secretary Robert Gates and Joint Chiefs of Staff Chairman Mike Mullen both spoke out in favor of Obama's call to lift the "don't ask

don't tell"" policy and allow gays to serve openly in the military. What do you think?"

Yet still they discriminate against our flat-footed brothers and sisters.


Allowing gays to serve openly in the Army is a long overdue reform, but it must be accompanied by an assurance that heterosexuals will be able to serve openly in the Navy.


Man, it's gonna be weird in 30 years when there's some homeless, drugged-up veteran on the sidewalk and I'm not gonna be sure what his sexual orientation is.


Annie Meyer

'Lancet' Retracts Autism Paper

Citing the study's bad methodology, the British medical journal The Lancet retracted a 1998 paper that linked autism with the measles-mumps-rubella vaccine. What do you think?

That's obvious. Vaccines don't cause autism. Not telling your kids to smarten up and get their heads out of their asses does.


Zach Scovell

'Lancet' Retracts Autism Paper

That study may have been flawed, but the connection still exists. How else do you explain the fact that neither of my intentionally unvaccinated children have autism?


Jeffrey Mulligan

'Lancet' Retracts Autism Paper

I still trust Jim Carrey's girlfriend on this. She was on Oprah.'


Matt Tremblay

Missionaries Charged With Kidnapping In Haiti

Ten American missionaries were charged with kidnapping after trying to take 33 Haitian children—some orphans, some not—across the border to the Dominican Republic. What do you think?

Trying to save these poor souls from extreme poverty by bringing them across a national border doesn't seem like a crime to me at all. Wait, unless it was the U.S. border.


Shawn Decoutere

We must ask ourselves: What would Jesus do? Would he not make fake brochures, steal other people's children, take them to another country, and then wish he'd thought it through a little more?


Rick Jackson

Look, these people live in some of the most remote parts of the country. They're semi-educated at best and prone to superstition. They don't know the language. So we can't expect them to travel to Haiti and fully comprehend the seriousness of their actions.


Stu Downie

Toyota Expected To Recall Prius

Following last month's costly recall of 8.1 million vehicles due to an acceleration problem, Toyota has announced a recall of its latest hybrid Prius model because of a braking problem. What do you think?

But I already got mine painted with the number of my organizing business!


Pam Brown

Toyota Expected To Recall Prius

Toyota should combine the Prius' faulty brakes and the Camry's busted accelerators to create the Camrius: the most fuel-efficient death trap in automotive history.


Matt Frantz

Toyota Expected To Recall Prius

Are we sure it's not because the pussies who drive them just aren't hitting the brakes hard enough?


Claire Belew

Super Bowl XLIV Most-Watched Show Ever

With 106.5 million people tuning in, Sunday's Saints-Colts Super Bowl became the most-watched program in U.S. history, drawing 500,000 more viewers than the 1983 series finale of M*A*S*H. What do you think?

Not only that, but the weight of the average viewer has increased by about 42 pounds since then.


Sascha Clamp

Super Bowl XLIV Most-Watched Show Ever

I tuned in mainly for the Tim Tebow ad. I'm still on the fence about whether he should have been aborted. I'll know better once he's drafted into the NFL and plays four or more seasons as a starter.


Pete Weymouth

Super Bowl XLIV Most-Watched Show Ever

To keep its ratings high, maybe CBS just needs to play hit songs from the Who during most of its TV shows. Oh, wait.


Mark Andrews

Dentistry Postpones Lil Wayne Prison Term

Though scheduled to face sentencing on weapons charges, rapper Lil Wayne, born Dwayne Michael Carter, Jr., had his imprisonment postponed Tuesday so that a dentist could fix his cracked tooth. What do you think?

That's the oldest trick in the book. He's just going to the dentist to get his hands on one of those complimentary toothbrushes, which he can then whittle into a shiv.


Marvin Allen

A similar thing happened to me, but it was just a cavity. Also, it was a water park, not jail.


Kari Marsh

I'm beginning to suspect that Lil Wayne doesn't want to go to prison.


Kerrin Shea

Google Asks NSA For Security Help

In light of recent hacking attacks, search engine leviathan Google has asked the National Security Agency for help securing its network. What do you think?

And in return Google can help the NSA do something funny with its website logo each day.


Gareth Wembley

Google Asks NSA For Security Help

Given the NSA's impressive record, they should be able to uncover valuable intelligence to help protect Google at least several months after a catastrophic attack on the company.


Niles Ebbets

Google Asks NSA For Security Help

I'll come clean, before this becomes a huge problem. I confess to visiting the SuicideGirls website on my church's computer.


Derek Neville

Psychiatric Tome Getting Long-Awaited Update

A draft of the fifth edition of the Diagnostic And Statistical Manual Of Mental Disorders (DSM) has been posted for online review before its publication in 2013. What do you think?

If they change which planets men and women are from, I'll be pissed.


Heather Porter

I still recognize the DSM-I as the premier psychiatric-disorder classification text. Women who don't pin-curl their hair before bedtime are suffering from an acute antisocial personality disorder that requires immediate electroshock treatment.


Eddie Nocentelli

Bottom line: Is this going to make it easier or harder for me to get sleeping pills?


Johan Malinder

Obese Filmmaker Booted From Flight

Kevin Smith, director of such films as Clerks and Clerks II was ejected from a Southwest Airlines flight this weekend because of pilot concerns over his weight. What do you think?

I feel sorry for all the passengers who missed out on a 40-minute monologue exploring Star Wars and oral sex.


Karen Kirk

Obese Filmmaker Booted From Flight

What does it say about your directorial career that your tweets are far more compelling, suspenseful, and emotionally honest than your recent movies?


Thad Watson

Obese Filmmaker Booted From Flight

Hugely obese and flying Southwest? Yikes, sounds like Kevin Smith's career is exactly where it should be.


Annabeth Spybey

Holyfield Reportedly Hit Wife

Candi Holyfield, the third wife of Evander Holyfield, said the former heavyweight champion hit her in the face and head because he thought she had not tithed to their church. What do you think?

Holyfield should have known better than that. A few body blows mixed in would have brought her down quicker.


Larry Ponton

Holyfield Reportedly Hit Wife

She didn't tithe to her church? What? I…I have to sit down for a while and collect my thoughts. Just take a deep breath, Larry, and count to 10…count to 10.


Paul Warren

Holyfield Reportedly Hit Wife

Imagine what he would have done in his prime if she forgot to pay the water bill.


Jamie Harris

Tom Of MySpace Gone?

Breaking with years of tradition, MySpace no longer automatically adds company cofounder and former president Tom Anderson as the first friend of every new user who signs up for the social networking site. What do you think?

I'm embarrassed to say that, although we've been MySpace friends for years, I hardly know the guy.


George McCarthy

Tom Of MySpace Gone?

He's learned the hard way about loving too much.


Melissa Payne

Tom Of MySpace Gone?

Well, that's a shame. I'll never forget the feeling I got when I immediately deleted him.


Dana Asquith

Lawmaker Seeks To Ban U.S. Currency

Mike Pitts, a representative in the South Carolina legislature, has proposed a law that would replace dollars with gold and silver in his state. What do you think?

My only hope is that they offer a favorable exchange rate with Confederate bills.


Mark Bonnie

Lawmaker Seeks To Ban U.S. Currency

I'm fine with it just as long as those fools at CVS melt me down the correct amount of change for once.


Samuel Briottet

Lawmaker Seeks To Ban U.S. Currency

Sing ho, for the glories of bimetallism! With South Caroline on the side of Free Silver, there's no stopping us from repealing the Coinage Act and putting William Jennings Bryan in the White House in 1896! Huzzah!


Rick Tibet

School Accused of Using Laptops To Spy on Students

A suburban Philadelphia high school is being sued for giving students laptops with cameras and then remotely activating them. What do you think?

Come on, those kids didn't think that they could just have a free laptop without having to give a little something in return, did they?


Paola Stapleton

My kid's school tried the same thing, but budget cuts forced them to use disposable cameras taped to math books instead.


Cliff McDowell

My God, this is just like Bentham's Panopticon! Or maybe VoyeurDorm.com. One of those.


Schwarzenegger Says State Bouncing Back

Declaring that his state is showing "signs of a comeback

California governor Arnold Schwarzenegger said that the worst of the recession is over. What to you think?"

I had faith that California's economy would be restored to 'precarious.'


Schwarzenegger Says State Bouncing Back

That's what I thought I heard him say too, but if you read the subtitles, he was actually just talking about wildfire preparedness.


Schwarzenegger Says State Bouncing Back

I know! I've noticed Tom Cruise is getting his shirts pressed again.


Catherine Vincennes

Guns Now Legal In National Parks

A law that took effect Monday makes it legal to carry loaded guns in national parks, as long as owners comply with state rules. What do you think?

Finally, I can protect my family from the giant sequoia.


Andrew Exley

Guns Now Legal In National Parks

Uh-oh, this kind of rash decision is certainly going to increase the level of dad-on-dad crimes.


Peter White

Guns Now Legal In National Parks

Just stay calm. If you encounter a gunman in the wild, simply puff up your coat to make yourself appear bigger than him and slowly back away.


Jerry Klein

Bristol Palin As Herself

Former Alaska governor Sarah Palin's daughter Bristol will appear on the ABC Family program The Secret Life Of The American Teenager playing herself. What do you think?

Every teenager should be informed about the consequences a pregnancy can have on their parent's vice presidential candidacy.


Dan Smith

Bristol Palin As Herself

It's refreshing to see a single mother get out there and earn an honest living on television instead of looking for taxpayer handouts.


Ruth Stemmons

Bristol Palin As Herself

This will warn teen girls that having sex before marriage may lead to having to appear on shitty TV shows.


Elizabeth Bondurant

GM Closing Hummer

After a takeover deal with a Chinese manufacturer fell through, General Motors announced that it would shut down its Hummer line. What do you think?

Since it's presumably going under, I'm visiting my local Hummer dealership to see what kind of a deal I can get on the inflatable dancing man they have out by the road.


Richard Boyd

GM Closing Hummer

Now what are we supposed to drive through the deserts of countries with which we are at war? Or to J. Crew?


Devon Little

GM Closing Hummer

They can't take away the one you've already got, right? Especially if you're kind of living in it?


Fred Doherty

Museum Attendance Up During Recession

In a survey of 481 museums, 57 percent showed a substantial increase in attendance in 2009. What do you think?

I figured if I stood in the video art section long enough they'd just hire me as a security guard.


Samantha Park

Museum Attendance Up During Recession

There's nothing like the isolating bleakness of long-term joblessness to make people finally appreciate Andrew Wyeth.


Chris Tracy

Museum Attendance Up During Recession

Does Ben Stiller's disconcerting influence on American cultural mores know no limit?


Marvin Lee

President Still Smoking

President Obama's doctors hinted that he may still be smoking, despite his efforts to quit. What do you think?

I thought it was pretty obvious when they planted tobacco in the new White House organic garden.


Analissa MacLean

President Still Smoking

It probably would have been easier for him to quit if Cheney hadn't left five cartons in the White House freezer.


Kyp Echols

President Still Smoking

What's next? He's still attending his Muslim Islamic worship services? It's always something with this guy.


Lisa Bell

PlayStation 3 Outage Angers Players

A programming bug in Sony's PlayStation 3 caused error messages to crop up this week, and the manufacturer urged owners not to use the gaming console for 24 hours. What do you think?

You know, maybe I should take a break from playing PlayStation for a while and get back to playing Xbox.


Allen Chilton

PlayStation 3 Outage Angers Players

I couldn't drive my Toyota or use my PlayStation, so I just called up my Grandpa and complained about the Japanese with him.


Jim Stephens

PlayStation 3 Outage Angers Players

Yeah, my son was pretty pissed. My son is the head of PlayStation, incidentally.


Walter Brooke-Taylor

Chile Quake Shifted Earth's Axis

The recent earthquake in Chile shifted the axis of the earth 3 inches and made the day 1.26 microseconds shorter. What do you think?

Now when am I supposed to find time to go to the gym?


Paul Garden

Chile Quake Shifted Earth's Axis

Though God did inflict great suffering with Haiti's earthquake, He showed His mercy by causing another and shortening the length of the miserable days endured by the Haitian people.


Tabitha Oddie

Chile Quake Shifted Earth's Axis

We'll all just have to work a little harder around here, then, won't we?


Cara Stevenson

Soda Tax Suggested In California

California lawmaker Dean Florez has introduced a bill that would tax soda and other sugary drinks one cent for every teaspoon of caloric sweetener they contain. What do you think?

Kids today are crafty. You can tax their favorite drinks all you want, but they'll still find a way to get fat.


Demitri Sclavunos

Soda Tax Suggested In California

Suddenly investing my life savings in a carrot cider company doesn't seem so stupid.


Warren Field

Soda Tax Suggested In California

They don't have the heart to tax Dad's Root Beer, do they?


Daniel Moramarco

20% Of Teens Have High Cholesterol

A study of American teens shows that one in five has unhealthy cholesterol levels. What do you think?

Only one in five? Teens look greasier than that to me.


Lucy Baines

20% Of Teens Have High Cholesterol

These teens are always getting into some kind of trouble. Now it's cholesterol; next it'll be arthritis.


Dan Kurson

20% Of Teens Have High Cholesterol

I've said it before and I'll say it again: Teens need to stop visiting their grandmas.


Brian Fouts

Global Warming Skeptics Growing In Numbers

Since 2008, the number of people who don't believe in global warming has doubled to 16 percent. What do you think?

Probably most guys could just use another week or so to reconcile the inconsistencies of recent individual findings with the broader scientific consensus.


Cathey Goodall

Luckily, you don't have to care about global warming to want to reap the benefits of composting.


Joseph Fossey

At least the number of Holocaust deniers only grew by a third.


Jenn Cosloy

Wine May Help Women Moderate Weight

In a long-term study that surveyed the drinking habits of 20,000 women, those who consumed moderate amounts of alcohol were more likely to keep their weight down. What do you think?

Yeah, that's right, all this booze is making me real pretty. I'm a pretty lady. I'm a real pretty lady.


Daryl Rusk

Wine May Help Women Moderate Weight

I'm worried people will just use this as an excuse to drink moderate amounts of wine.


Matt Hazelmeyer

Wine May Help Women Moderate Weight

Sure the weight-lowering and stress-reducing benefits are tempting, but my God, just think of the slightly purple teeth!


Scott Holfield

Lohan Sues E*Trade Over TV Ad

Actress Lindsay Lohan filed a lawsuit against the Internet brokerage E*Trade over a commercial featuring a talking baby named Lindsay who suffers from "milkaholism."" What do you think?"

That wasn't about Lindsay Lohan. Lindsay Lohan suffers from ALCO-holism.


Chuck Anderson

Lohan Sues E*Trade Over TV Ad

That's the baby who has the out-of-control pet beaver, right?


Elizabeth Coslaw

Lohan Sues E*Trade Over TV Ad

Man, if she overreacts that badly, I definitely won't be releasing my commercial featuring an anorexic fame-hungry sometimes-lesbian who tries on clothes at Barneys.


Nadia Falconi

Massa Insinuates He Was Forced Out

After resigning amidst allegations of sexual harassment, former Rep. Eric Massa (D-NY) told Larry King and Glenn Beck that he was targeted by the Obama administration for not supporting health care reform. What do you think?

It seems unfair that Republicans get to use public bathrooms for anonymous sex and Democrats just get berated in the shower by Rahm Emanuel.


Lucas DePace

Massa Insinuates He Was Forced Out

He seems fun, like my supervisor at Office Max who used to playfully staple sale signs to my ass.


Ward Thoele

Massa Insinuates He Was Forced Out

So this guy was blocking health care reform and sexually harassing people? Wasn't he targeted by just about everyone, then?


David Pierson

Lesbian Teen Suing School Over Prom

A Mississippi high school senior is filing suit against her local school board, which canceled its prom after she challenged its policy against same-sex dates. What do you think?

I'll put up streamers and play Black Eyed Peas all night if they want to come over to my house and kiss.


Natalia Cohen

Lesbian Teen Suing School Over Prom

I have to say, canceling the prom was a pretty ingenious way for the school to make it seem like the girl is the bad guy in this situation.


Jacob Brooks

Lesbian Teen Suing School Over Prom

Obviously, you can't have a lesbian couple at prom. Their softball cleats would ruin the gym floor.


Dominic Haskins

California Restaurant Busted For Serving Whale

The head chef of a Santa Monica sushi restaurant was charged with serving the meat of the endangered sei whale. What do you think?

I don't get it, what's wrong? Did it taste bad or something?


Lorrie Murphy

Sure, that's exotic, but nothing satisfies me more than feasting on the ultimate prey: chicken.


Noel Ash

Serving whale? That's disgusting. Oh, look! Lasagna in a can is on sale at Albertson's!


Jessie Lowery

Obama To Revamp 'No Child Left Behind'

In his weekly radio address, President Obama announced plans to overhaul the previous administration's education policy. What do you think?

It's about time. We're really falling behind the Chinese on U.S. history.


Mike Lisher

Obama To Revamp 'No Child Left Behind'

As a teacher, I would just like to ask: Am I still going to be allowed to show movies during class, or what?


Max Funaro

Obama To Revamp 'No Child Left Behind'

The children are our future; let's worry about them then.


Richard Gedge

Jackson Estate Signs $250 Million Deal With Sony

Sony Music will pay the estate of Michael Jackson up to $250 million for the right to continue selling his back catalog and release as many as 10 new projects from the singer's archives. What do you think?

This is good news, because I like to get out and buy Thriller every six months or so.


Ben Cleave

It looks like Michael Jackson's financial problems are finally over.


Jessica de Castro

That should help keep Blanket in monkeys.


Jamie Pierce

Erectile Dysfunction Linked To Heart Disease Fatality

German researchers have found that erectile dysfunction is a strong indicator that a man will die from heart disease. What do you think?

Are those men really dying from heart disease, or from the sheer humiliation of being terrible at sex?


Bob Dotson

Gee, it just doesn't seem like being impotent is worth the trouble.


Alex Powers

Why are you telling me this? What have you heard?


Irving Caldwell

Facebook More Popular Than Google

For the first time ever, the social network Facebook had more weekly traffic than Google, making it the most popular site on the Internet. What do you think?

Oh, this will all die down in three months when everyone's done looking at my wedding photos.


Patricia Alexander

Facebook More Popular Than Google

And MySpace has Ask Jeeves firmly in its sights.


Willie Henderson

Facebook More Popular Than Google

Yeah, even Facebook's search capabilities are starting to rival Google's. Like if you're trying to remember a song lyric or movie quote, all you have to do is type the first couple words into your status and one of your friends will fill in the rest almost immediately.


Martin Drozd

Dogs Originated In Middle East

Using genetic markers, researchers at the University of California, Los Angeles, have discovered that dogs were likely first domesticated from wolves in the Middle East. What do you think?

Maybe yours was, but mine sure as hell came from the ol' U S of A.


Laura Ivins

Dogs Originated In Middle East

Yes, but dogs were first turned into surrogate children in the Western Hemisphere during the mid-20th century.